I have been with this guy for 6 months... everything was fantastic... he is a great guy... when he opens up! A total sap! Ok so we have just been spending soooo much time togther... and kind of getting on eachothers nerves... argueing about nothing often. But man did we have fun... the best relationship I have been in! I think we moved tooo fast! Like together 247! So 2 weeks ago I told him that I think that we should spend less time together... my first mistake! He took this very hard... I tried to explain that I still wanted to be with him... just not every minute of the day! As I said before he is very sensitive! So he backed off a lot... I guess trying to teach me a lesson! We talked about everything and after a week all was was fine... then out of nowwhere he dumped me... the day before valentines day!! Said that I crushed him... and that he is closed up and emotionless... and that he has no feelings for me anymore! But the day before he's telling me that he sees forever in me? So I figure he just wants me to chase him a bit to show how I feel towards him... my second mistake... I show up at his house to appoligize 2 days later... after he won't return my calls! He tells me to get out of his life... that he is tooo hurt and totally closed up! What do I do? I want him sooo bad? I think he's trying to teach me a lesson?? Helppppp??

Leave him alone, and give him what he wants. All that drama isn't necessary is it?

I have been with this guy for 6 months...everything was fantastic...he is a great guy....when he opens up!! a total sap!! Ok so we have just been spending soooo much time togther...and kinda getting on eachothers nerves...argueing about nothing often. But man did we have fun....the best relationship i have been in!! i think we moved tooo fast! Like together 247! So 2 weeks ago i told him that i think that we should spend less time together...my first mistake!! He took this very hard...i tried to explain that i still wanted to be with him...just not every minute of the day! As i said before he is very sensitive! so he backed off a alot....i guess trying to teach me a lesson! We talked about everything and after a week all was was fine.....then out of nowwhere he dumped me....the day before valentines day!!! said that i crushed him...and that he is closed up and emotionless... and that he has no feelings for me anymore! but the day before hes telling me that he sees forever in me?? So i figure he just wants me to chase him a bit to show how i feel towards him....my second mistake.....i show up at his house to appoligize 2 days later....after he wont return my calls! he tells me to get out of his life...that he is tooo hurt and totally closed up!! What do i do? I want him sooo bad? I think hes trying to teach me a lesson??? Helppppp???


I have to agree with tala, what he is doing is making you feel guilt and hurt the way he felt when you told them you wanted to cut down with the time, however he was to caught up emotionally to hear you say you still want to be together... even if you got back with him he would always use that against you... It's not about teaching any lessons, or playing games, you told your honest feelings and yet you get punished for it... Don't feel bad because he misunderstood obviously he is not a good listener and is extremely emotional a DRAMA KING, if he really love and care for you he would listen to what you say and not over react... Honey... don't chase him anymore... let it go, anger in this case is another form of sadness and hurt... If he cared he would be more understanding... and patient, and try to make it work rather than trying to make you hurt... Don't ever feel bad for being honest.. what you want is what you want...

I bit of an update...

So much has happened since my first question and I will try to make this quick. Basically we have been seeing each other off and on since. We have been going to movies, to the cottage, doing fun stuff. Buts its like he won't talk to me or initate any contact with my for like a week. Then Friday comes and he's all like want to go away for the weekend? During the week I get nothing, and then when we are alone at the cottage its like he is a different person, he's affectionate, tells me how he feels. I put a stop to all this back and forth crap, a little over a week ago. I had stated to him that I can't go on like this anymore, and I have told him the over and over again, SH!T or get off the pot, or there won't be a pot for you to sh!t in anymore. I need a full time partner, not some part of a part time partner. (Ever since I said I needed some space... he has never been the same, and I didn't mean a break... just a couple hours for me a week) WE have never been boyfriend and girlfriend since he broke up with me. In the begginging of us, he wanted to be my boyfriend so bad, and I just wasn't ready. And now it seems like he doesn't want to be my boyfriend and I really do. We both agreed that our relationship was not working. And I went on NC. I blocked him from MSN, deleted his number in my phone etc etc. So this was last Thursday (my birthday actually) I gave him back all of his stuff, and went on my way. Then on Saturday, I get a text from him "?" that's all, just a question mark. At 2:00 in the morning. I was up at my girlfriends house drinking, I just ignored it. (surprizingly) He called me a few times the next day. Eventually tricking me with a private number, my father has a private number so I assumed that it was him. He started talking to me like everything was fine. I said to him why did you text me he said that he meant it to be for his friend but must have hit my name instead. Cough BULL Cough. #1 This guys name isn't even close to mine. #2 in order to send someone a question mark, they would have had to text you first... right? So wouldn't you just hit reply. Ok so anyway, NC on Monday or Tuesday, then Thursday he send me a text saying that he has something important to talk to me about. I am such a sucker, so I call him, and he tells me that he really want me to be a part of his life and that he wants to be friends. At first I was like no. Not happening. He got very angry at me and started to swear, and yell. I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him at all if he was going to act this way. He hung up. Then called back like 2 seconds later, like nothing happened, he was happy and telling me that he wanted to start that converstaion over. He was very nice and pleasant to me. I told him that I didn't know about being friends, and that I was doing very well right now, and I that I am happy in my life just the way it is, and I don't really need any other friends. I was trying to get off the phone with him, but it seemed like he wanted more and more information from me. Where have I been? Who have I been with? Etc etc. Then when I tell him ( I figure he just wants info and will leave me alone) he calls me a liar! Now I am many things... but not a liar, I am always honest... sometimes too honest. He asks what the situation is and if we are on the same page, I said that I will talk to him whenever, but I don't think being friends would be approprate. Then shot back I guess your new boytfriend won't like that very much, eh? I told him that when he was acting like a mature adult that I would speak to him. And hung up. He called back a few, I didn't answer. That was wed. Today is Friday, with NC. Until he shows up at my work just now. He has driven past my work a few times this week. Which is like an hour drive from where he lives. But today he drove in, he came into my office, I was in total shock I didn't know what to do. I must have loked like a deer caught in the headlights. Its like he was snoopiung around my office to, I have flowers that were sent to me by my friend (who hapopens to be a guy, just friends tho) And he asked me if those were from my new boyfriend. I told him that I didn't have a boyfriend. He said well theya re froma guy though. I just ignored him and asked him why he was here. He asked if I had my helmet with me (which I always do) and if I wanted to go for a bike (motorcycle) ride (he knows my weaknesses) I asked him why he was here, he said just to say hi. And he continued to say it like 6 times in like 5 mintues. I looked at him and said "hi". I got to go back to work, ttyl. He left. Then came back, asked me some stupid question, I walked him outside, told him I had to go and went back inside. And now I am sitting here like.. Am I crazy? I sure feel like I am going crazy. I know this is exactuly what he wanted he wanted to keep my mind on him, he wants me to freak out. Damn he won! Urrrrgggg HELLLP!

I know its long... but I need help!

This was my original question:

I have been with this guy for 6 months... everything was fantastic... he is a great guy... when he opens up! A total sap! Ok so we have just been spending soooo much time togther... and kind of getting on eachothers nerves... argueing about nothing often. But man did we have fun... the best relationship I have been in! I think we moved tooo fast! Like together 247! So 2 weeks ago I told him that I think that we should spend less time together... my first mistake! He took this very hard... I tried to explain that I still wanted to be with him... just not every minute of the day! As I said before he is very sensitive! So he backed off a lot... I guess trying to teach me a lesson! We talked about everything and after a week all was was fine... then out of nowwhere he dumped me... the day before valentines day!! Said that I crushed him... and that he is closed up and emotionless... and that he has no feelings for me anymore! But the day before he's telling me that he sees forever in me? So I figure he just wants me to chase him a bit to show how I feel towards him... my second mistake... I show up at his house to appoligize 2 days later... after he won't return my calls! He tells me to get out of his life... that he is tooo hurt and totally closed up! What do I do? I want him sooo bad? I think he's trying to teach me a lesson?? Helppppp??

I bit of an update...

So much has happened since my first question and I will try to make this quick. Basically we have been seeing each other off and on since. We have been going to movies, to the cottage, doing fun stuff. Buts its like he won't talk to me or initate any contact with my for like a week. Then Friday comes and he's all like want to go away for the weekend? During the week I get nothing, and then when we are alone at the cottage its like he is a different person, he's affectionate, tells me how he feels. I put a stop to all this back and forth crap, a little over a week ago. I had stated to him that I can't go on like this anymore, and I have told him the over and over again, SH!T or get off the pot, or there won't be a pot for you to sh!t in anymore. I need a full time partner, not some part of a part time partner. (Ever since I said I needed some space... he has never been the same, and I didn't mean a break... just a couple hours for me a week) WE have never been boyfriend and girlfriend since he broke up with me. In the beginning of us, he wanted to be my boyfriend so bad, and I just wasn't ready. And now it seems like he doesn't want to be my boyfriend and I really do. We both agreed that our relationship was not working. And I went on NC. I blocked him from MSN, deleted his number in my phone etc etc. So this was last Thursday (my birthday actually) I gave him back all of his stuff, and went on my way. Then on Saturday, I get a text from him "?" that's all, just a question mark. At 2:00 in the morning. I was up at my girlfriends house drinking, I just ignored it. (surprizingly) He called me a few times the next day. Eventually tricking me with a private number, my father has a private number so I assumed that it was him. He started talking to me like everything was fine. I said to him why did you text me he said that he meant it to be for his friend but must have hit my name instead. Cough BULL Cough. #1 This guys name isn't even close to mine. #2 in order to send someone a question mark, they would have had to text you first... right? So wouldn't you just hit reply. Ok so anyway, NC on Monday or Tuesday, then Thursday he send me a text saying that he has something important to talk to me about. I am such a sucker, so I call him, and he tells me that he really want me to be a part of his life and that he wants to be friends. At first I was like no. Not happening. He got very angry at me and started to swear, and yell. I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him at all if he was going to act this way. He hung up. Then called back like 2 seconds later, like nothing happened, he was happy and telling me that he wanted to start that conversation over. He was very nice and pleasant to me. I told him that I didn't know about being friends, and that I was doing very well right now, and I that I am happy in my life just the way it is, and I don't really need any other friends. I was trying to get off the phone with him, but it seemed like he wanted more and more information from me. Where have I been? Who have I been with? Etc etc. Then when I tell him ( I figure he just wants info and will leave me alone) he calls me a liar! Now I am many things... but not a liar, I am always honest... sometimes too honest. He asks what the situation is and if we are on the same page, I said that I will talk to him whenever, but I don't think being friends would be appropriate. Then shot back I guess your new boyfriend won't like that very much, eh? I told him that when he was acting like a mature adult that I would speak to him. And hung up. He called back a few, I didn't answer. That was wed. Today is Friday, with NC. Until he shows up at my work just now. He has driven past my work a few times this week. Which is like an hour drive from where he lives. But today he drove in, he came into my office, I was in total shock I didn't know what to do. I must have loked like a deer caught in the headlights. Its like he was snoopiung around my office to, I have flowers that were sent to me by my friend (who hapopens to be a guy, just friends tho) And he asked me if those were from my new boyfriend. I told him that I didn't have a boyfriend. He said well they are from a guy though. I just ignored him and asked him why he was here. He asked if I had my helmet with me (which I always do) and if I wanted to go for a bike (motorcycle) ride (he knows my weaknesses) I asked him why he was here, he said just to say hi. And he continued to say it like 6 times in like 5 minutes. I looked at him and said "hi". I got to go back to work, ttyl. And now I am sitting here like.. Am I crazy? I sure feel like I am going crazy. I know this is exactly what he wanted he wanted to keep my mind on him, he wants me to freak out. Damn he won! Urrrrgggg HELLLP!

I bit of an update....

So much has happened since my first question and I will try to make this quick. Basically we have been seeing eachother off and on since. We have been going to movies, to the cottage, doing fun stuff. Buts its like he wont talk to me or initate any contact with my for like a week. Then Friday comes and hes all like wanna go away for the weekend? During the week i get nothing, and then when we are alone at the cottage its like he is a different person, hes affectionate, tells me how he feels. I put a stop to all this back and forth crap, a little over a week ago. I had stated to him that i can't go on like this anymore, and i have told him the over and over again, SH!T or get off the pot, or there wont be a pot for you to sh!t in anymore. I need a full time partner, not some part of a part time partner. (Ever since I said i needed some space....he has never been the same, and i didnt mean a break...just a couple hours for me a week) WE have never been boyfriend and girlfriend since he broke up with me. In the begginging of us, he wanted to be my boyfriend so bad, and i just wasnt ready. And now it seems like he doesnt want to be my boyfriend and i really do. We both agreed that our relationship was not working. And i went on NC. I blocked him from MSN, deleted his number in my phone etc etc. So this was last thursday (my birthday actually) I gave him back all of his stuff, and went on my way. Then on saturday, i get a text from him "?" thats all, just a question mark. At 2:00 in the morning. I was up at my girlfriends house drinking, i just ignored it. (surprizingly) He called me a few times the next day. Eventually tricking me with a private number, my father has a private number so i assumed that it was him. He started talking to me like everything was fine. I said to him why did you text me he said that he meant it to be for his friend but must have hit my name instead. Cough BULL Cough. #1 This guys name isnt even close to mine. #2 in order to send someone a question mark, they would have had to text you first...right? So wouldnt you just hit reply. Ok so anyways, NC on monday or tuesday, then thursday he send me a text saying that he has something important to talk to me about. I am such a sucker, so i call him, and he tells me that he really want me to be a part of his life and that he wants to be friends. At first i was like no. Not happening. He got very angry at me and started to swear, and yell. I told him that i wanted nothing to do with him at all if he was going to act this way. He hung up. Then called back like 2 seconds later, like nothing happend, he was happy and telling me that he wanted to start that converstaion over. He was very nice and pleasent to me. I told him that i didnt know about being friends, and that i was doing very well right now, and i that i am happy in my life just the way it is, and i dont really need any other friends. I was trying to get off the phone with him, but it seemed like he wanted more and more information from me. Where have i been? Who have i been with? etc etc. Then when i tell him ( i figure he just wants info and will leave me alone) he calls me a liar! Now i am many things....but not a liar, i am always honest....sometimes too honest. He asks what the situation is and if we are on the same page, I said that i will talk to him whenever, but i dont think being friends would be approprate. Then shot back i guess your new boytfriend wont like that very much, eh? I told him that when he was acting like a mature adult that i would speak to him. And hung up. He called back a few, i didnt answer. That was wed. Today is friday, with NC. Untill he shows up at my work just now. He has driven past my work a few times this week. Which is like an hour drive from where he lives. But today he drove in, he came into my office, I was in total shock i didnt know what to do. I must have loked like a deer caught in the headlights. Its like he was snoopiung around my office to, i have flowers that were sent to me by my friend (who hapopens to be a guy, just friends tho) And he asked me if those were from my new boyfriend. I told him that i didnt have a boyfriend. He said well theya re froma guy tho. I just ignored him and asked him why he was here. He asked if i had my helmet with me (which i always do) and if i wanted to go for a bike (motorcycle) ride (he knows my weaknesses) I asked him why he was here, he said just to say hi. And he continued to say it like 6 times in like 5 mintues. I looked at him and said "hi". I gotta go back to work, ttyl. He left. Then came back, asked me some stupid question, i walked him outside, told him i had to go and went back inside. And now i am sitting here like......? Am i crazy? i sure feel like i am going crazy. I know this is exactuly what he wanted he wanted to keep my mind on him, he wants me to freak out. Damn he won! Urrrrgggg HELLLP!


No he didn't win, first of all you didn't show him your emotions which is great, and kept the conversation short, Secondly how can he insist on being friends if he can't respect your wishes of leaving you alone. Even though he seems to be making all this effort lets face the facts he stated that he just want to be friends, and you know that is not what you want. He is being very manipulative and he wants to be in control like he was before and now he is not. Don't let him be. He is really not being straight forward with you and just telling you what he wants, I don't think it is fair that he just shows up at your job unannounced he lost that Privilege when it ended. Don't feel bad for him because he has not given you what you asked for and that is more time. WHat is more confusing is that he is trying to give you more time as a friend now then he was willing to give in a relationship. His motives are still unclear and it seems to me that he is confused. Just don't allow him to confuse you. If you perhaps give in then he might start acting the way he was before and you may end up back at square one. Just stand firm on what you want and if he wants to really be with you he would.

I think there too much back and forth which is unhealthy. People always are clingy when they both get involve because your getting to know one another. Your right in keeping your grounds and letting him know that the way he treats you unfair and selfish and he can want you only when he does. Sometime people have busy schedules but still make time for that special someone and if they want to spend time their make a way. He seems unsure and confused about his feelings for you so I think its best to leave him alone because this is unhealthy. If you take him back lay down the rules and stick by them and put him on a probation period.

He is not confused at all, but doing what he has to to lull you back to weekend submission, and its up to you, to let him.

Make up your mind what you want, and do not settle for less.

I don't think he wants what you do, and wish you had the strength to cut him from your life, and stop contacting you, so you can cut these games, and get what you really want. A happy healthy full time relationship you can be proud of.

Ok, simple test time, pencils ready? Here we go:

1) I've known my man for awhile.
TRUE - - - - FALSE

2) We make each other's lives better whenever we're together.
TRUE - - - - FALSE

How long is a while? What's the point to all this?

1) TRUE means you don't have to wonder if actions are false. After 4-6 months, familiarity sets in and people act "normally". That's when you pay attention. Before that it's all sweet and lovey, fun... but not totally honest. "Courting" behavior is our best behavior, not who we really are.

So, stick around long enough to meet the real people.

2) FALSE means now that you really know each other, feelings of love no longer rule all decision making, we are actually paying attention to how we affect each other's lives. MOST relationships end here because people like each other but don't enhance each other, they actually drag each other down.

This is usually simple incompatibility, sometimes abusive.

What's the point to all this?
If you've known each other long enough to trust what you see is real, and you don't enhance each other when you're close together, there is no confusion on what needs to happen. Time to move on and try again.

Ok, simple test time, pencils ready? Here we go:

1) I've known my man for awhile.
TRUE - - - - FALSE

2) We make each other's lives better whenever we're together.
TRUE - - - - FALSE


I totally see what you are saying... I guess I am in love with the person I thought that he was in the first couple months... I guess I don't really miss the person that he really is... but I miss who he was. Why does this happen? How can you be "prince charming" then turn into a total "a@@" ? I think it was totally opposite for me. I was scared in the beginning, to open up to him, and we were sooo perfect, I finally let him in, now he wants doesn't want to be with me. Maybe its just one of those things where you want what you can't have then when you have it you don't want it anymore. But why can't he let me go then? Why show up at my work?

Also he called me like 15 times on Friday night, texted me 5 times? Said he wanted to take me out to a movie? I told him I already had plans (plus it was like 9pm, who tries to make plans with someone that late?) He keeps asking me all these questions about my life? Who I am with? What I am doing? Why? I don't play cop with my friends? I tried to keep the conversation short and kept telling him that I had to go. He just kept asking more questions, then all of a sudden was like "K i got to go" and hung up? Its like he has to end the conversation. Seems immature to me. Also Saturday night he tried calling a few times, I didn't pick up. Then at 2am, I got a text from him, asking what I was doing? I also didn't reply. NC since. Why does he do this? I

Also he contantly brings up the past. Like he will always say rememeber the time when... and he will always remind me of the good times that we have shared together. Memerable moments that neither of us will ever forget... but why always bring them up? I will get random texts like that too. Why does he want to always remind me of the good times?

He's trying to position himself over you. Each time you let him talk to you he gets to play some of the mind games that worked so well for him at the beginning of your relationship. You're a woman and he KNOWS your emotions make this hard on you, so he's playing them.

He reminds you of the good times because he knows you are thinking about them. You have the ability to forget the bad times over a very short time apart, he knows this, and is pressuring you once again to get you on the hook.

Don't fall for it. See it for what it is, more of the same. He faked you out once, no more, OK?

But if he doesn't want to be with me, why do all of this? Why not let me go? My ex before him, I no longer wanted to be with him, I did not contact him.

It's perfectly understandable if you weren't a psycho girlfriend. If you were OK, and he broke it off, he knows you are a decent backup. He's not doing anything except trying to see if he can keep a foot in the door with you.

Some guys are unintentionally mean this way. They have no idea this game they're playing is so hurtful to you. Or, they are aware and don't care all that much.

It does take your permission for this to continue. You can tell him, firmly and rudely if necessary, to get over himself and leave you alone.

Just leave him alone

I am leaving him alone... I have not contacted him once. Its him that keeps contacting me!

Then tell him to stop contacting you until you have moved on

Oh really you think? I have. He obviously doesn't want me to move on. Is this because he still loves me? Or because he doesn't want me to be happy?

Its because like JB said... he wants to leave a foot in your door.. he doesn't want you, but doesn't want you to move on because he wants you as a backup... tell him straight up to leave you the f**** alone(you have tried to be nice, it hasn't worked) & move on with your life.. change your number if necessary, do w.e it takes to get this guy off your back!.

The answer to that doesn't matter at this point he made himself clear that he doesn't want to be with you. Period. If he wanted to be with you he would be with you. I know this sounds harsh but you need to take time for you now. Do things you like to do and stop worrying about him as he is no longer your concern.

He is using manipulative behavior to toy with your emotions. Now let me ask you if you loved somebody would you want them to hurt more than they have to? The answer is no of course not. So you answered your own question and in so doing came to the real question here as JB so eloquently put it.

Do you want to be his back up that he keeps on a string or do you want to move on and be some other guys dream girl?

WARNING, WARNING, WARNING!!

From Feb... when you wanted a little space, he left angry, and you wanted him back,so he gave you a taste again to teach you a lesson. Now.. to Jun.. He loves the control he has over you and will not quit!

I've read it all dear, and it reminds me so much of the abusive control freaks some men wind up being.

Eventually, these guys get what they want because you remember the good parts and once they have you alone, don't be surprised if you get paid back by abusive words first, then bang, you find yourself in a hospital or worse.

I would get a restraining order on him, tell him to stay out of your range and space - or he will pay.

I'm serious - this guy is DANGEROUS. He cannot and will not take no for an answer and is only out to be in total control.

The stronger you act toward him the more deterined he will be to weaken you - and he will break you if you don't do something that will put him in his place - and you will not be able to do it by yourself. He is stalking you, threatening you by showing up at any time, any place either in person or via other communication. He is obsessed with you now and the only way you will be free of him is to get help.

Please tell all your friends and family what has been going on - and since he's been at your workplace, let someone there know also. The only safety you'll get now is in numbers and the law.

So, you wasted 6 months, and a bit more, but please don't waste your 'life' on him. Change your habits so that he cannot catch you alone at any time until you get the legal wheel rolling. Chuck this up to a mistake, but make darned sure you stay alive to make your next one - as we all make mistakes in our lives and learn from them - that's human.

You need some peace of mind now or he will continuously control your life - and you must decide if you need the further stress and worse, or if you want a future without looking over your shoulder all the time.

From Feb until June, he has had a lot of time to get over you, or plan on his way of 'handling' you.. guess who is crazy enough to go through with his plans, and only he knows what they are - do you really want to find out the hard way?? I hope not.

Please take your next step into serious consideration with the support of your family and friends, and good luck.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)I've visited too many homes for battered women and too many broken bodies and ended lives to ignore such signals - hope you don't have to see half of what I've seen in my life.

It sound's like he only want you. When he no your getting no with your live. There a very true saying you only want what you can't have.