Hi, I've never asked advice like this before on a forum but I don't have anyone to talk to about it right now. This is a little long but I want to include all the details which have made me so confused. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. Im almost 22 and she's almost 21. We've had some rough patches but not in over 6 months. We spend anywhere from 1-4 nights a week together and she gets upset if I don't call her every night at least for a few minutes and she texts me all the time. We used to fight a lot but don't much anymore. Things are a little difficult because of my schedule and hers, but we found a system that seems to work. I work 3rd shift and go to school 3 evenings a week (Sr. in College). She doesn't go to school and works full time 1st and 2nd shift on an inconsistent schedule. About 4 months ago she had an accident and injured her back and was out of work the whole time. She had to stay in bed rest for 2 of those months during which I helped a lot in taking care of her and helping her recuperate. Things seemed to be better than ever those 4 months she was out of work and we were spending more time together. Well her attitude towards me changed the very same week she started working again. The was in a bad mood everyday after work and after a short time of hearing the same complaints over and over I nicely suggested she look for a job that she enjoys more pointing out my observations about her mood and attitude change since returning. This made me the enemy so I tried my best not to bring it up anymore and let her figure it out on her own. This was about 3 weeks ago. We had a rough Valentines last week. She was stuck at work till 9pm and had a bad day which she took out on me, but we made up quickly after she got off with her apologizing for taking it out on me and telling me she felt better being able to see me and we had a great weekend after that(apologizing I thought so). She often says seeing me makes everything better and her mood does generally come up quickly upon seeing me. Which brings me to the all of a sudden 'break'. I called her after school while I was getting ready for work 2 days after our last get together to say hey as she always wants me to. The conversation quickly plummeted into confusion on my part. She said that she knows I don't believe in breaks, but she really needs some time to herself. At first I thought she was joking but quickly realized that the nightmare was real. She said things are moving to quickly and that she's too young to be in 'this type of relationship.' I didn't think ours was out of the ordinary. It's not like I purposed or anything or even talked about marriage very much outside of the hypothetical which is bound to come up every now and then. She said she needs time to herself to figure out what she wants to do with her life. She said that people at her work told her that she needed to "seed her wild oats" while she was still young. My mind of course locked onto "wild" and I accused her of wanting to sleep around. She said she didn't want to sleep around but did wonder if there was anyone else out there. She said she wanted to see what was out there before she deciding if she wants to be with me. That hurt A LOT. If things were going bad I could see her having this attitude but as far as I could tell they appeared to be great. She said she started thinking about this "a few days ago." She also said things like I deserved better than her which I felt was complete BS in order to soften the blow. I was resistant, but decided to give her her month alone she is asking for. She said no promises that she was coming back. I feel like despite how great things were and how much I love her that she is using the break to breakup with out confrontation. She did it over the phone couldn't even do it to my face. She says she loves me and cares about me very much and that I didn't do anything wrong that this is about her space and nothing I did. I don't know how much stock to put in that. She seemed sincere. I've been dumped from long term relationships before but I've never taken it this hard. I really do love her and I thought she really loved me. Am I wrong in thinking there's no hope?

BTW the only thing I'm contacting her about is to get back some of my possessions from her place. I told her what they were and said she could leave them on my doorstep if she preferred.

Yea there's a line up buddy... im going tru the same thing. Been with mine about 1.5 yrs spent every moment together and all da fun stuff.. said she needed a break a week later it turned into a break up ((im on week 2.5 without seeing her 5 dys NC right now ))... told me the usual Bs you're a good guy and needs a girl to love you the same way you love me... she loves me but not in love with me anymore... dont want to leave me hangin... and the finally ""i dont see us getting back together"" ((that hurt the most))... im guess in ur in the first week??? i've been on this site not really posting much but seeing all the times this EXACT same situation happens to ALL guys that love too much.... im gonna tell you what everyones gonna tell you ....
Im very sorry about the language please put all little kids to bed when reading this ...coz im a pissed off broken hearted motherF*&er
1. if she started the break up.....DONT CALL, TEXT, MSN, FACEBOOK, OR PAGE DA BIT@h...((iwas referring to my ex, not urs in general)) she wants to be a big slut and bang all the guys in da world without feeling guilty about it.....if she calls tell her "yes babe I think we need a break I was thinking it too but I'm glad you brought it up first" (((I wish I should have said that)))
2. assume and accept the fact that its over... FALSE HOPE IS THE ULTIMATE KILLER WHEN HEALING A BROKEN HEART... THIS IS THE HARDEST PART... I STILL HAVE A TOUGH TIME WITH THIS PART..
3. Get you mind off things while you wait for her to call back... it may be 2 weeks 2 months 2 years... YOU CAN JOIN A GYM, GET A HOBIE, FEED YOUR FISH , RIDE YOUR BIKE, CLEAN YOUR ROOM WATCH OLD MOVIES. BASICALLY KEEP YOUR MIND BUSY AND NOT THINK ABOUT HER ALL DA DAM TIME

4. if and if she comes back with open arms you have to decide if she's the one for you... I mean if you still love this person after all she did to you, all the pain is she worth it?

I'm very sorry about all the caps, grammar and being so harsh... I knew all these things when I went through my break up but I sill did some of them and now I regret doing all. Right now I'm trying to do my own thing for myself... I always get the urge to contact her all the time but I guess that's my love fighting for her back and right now you have to stop loving, she was mean to start a break with you that's a nasty thing to do to anyone. All I keep saying to myself is the more I do the more I push her away... so right now I leave up to god... I never believed in him much but right now he's my best bet...

I'm sorry your going tru this.. I mean I really feel you pain and the pain you will experience... no one should go tru this bu! Just because they love someone, but then again love is pain!

It's a tough one when the times don't mesh. If she stays with you and feels she missed out on something, the relationship is going to end ANYWAY... if she takes a break and realizes it's a mistake, she'll be back. If she takes a break and whatever she does takes her further away then perhaps she is not the one for you.

Its hard and it hurts but you can get through this. Its tough to try to hold someone captive when they don't want to be. They just wind up resenting you.

It hurts but it's probably best to go for "the break" while being realistic that it may be over for good.

Don't let her call all the shots. You have the ability to decide that you don't want a break and therefore it's over for good or you can tell her that you're willing to wait x amount of time.

But don't, please don't, give ultimatums you're not prepared to follow through with. If it's over you will go on and eventually find someone who wants to stay put. You can get through it. Be good to you.

Hey buddy this has happened to many of us on this site. Everything seems great until one day they drop the bomb on you. Many times there is already another guy that they are interested in. The best thing to do is just respect her space now. Her mind is made up and there's nothing you can do to change that. What you did when you were with her matters now. Keep your chin up and cut all contact with her now. If she loves you and misses you she will come back, but do not expect her too. Its tough and hurts a lot, but you stick with NC, you will be thankful down the road.

Also, read some of the other post (isneezefunny, wot3do, ihatewestseneca, etc... ) and learn from them. Every situation is unique but they all share very similar characteristics.

Breaks almost always lead to break ups. When I was reading your story, I was thinking... "Ok, who's the guy at work she likes??" Then you said the part about coworkers telling her to "seed her wild oats" or whatever... and it basically confirmed it. You were a great boyfriend who she took advantage of when she was holed up with her injury. Honey, give this girl all the space she can handle and walk away. You deserve someone who is just as dedicated as you are, and doesn't want to have sex with anyone else. After she experiences a few "5-minute Joes" she will no doubt come crawling back. But hopefully you will have moved on to bigger and better things.

I agree completely Mafia, but of course can't give the rep. I was fed the typical lines as well. Saying she didn't want to be with anyone else, but just needed to be alone and her feelings have changed as such. Trust me, I was devastated beyond believe, I desperately searched for ways to get her back. Brought me to this site, it will become your best friend buddy, not too mention it will make you feel better to know you're not alone. And believe me, the people on here will become some of your best friends, telling you not what you want to hear but what you NEED to here. They will be honest with their advice which will come off as harsh at first, but you need to hear it.

But back to the point, she obviously has a guy in mind, it's the sad reality, I didn't want to believe it when the people on here told me too. Because "she's not the type of person to do that" you will be amazed at how low she will go. She will say little things to you to drive the knife that much father into your back. Things are going to get worse, a lot worse before they begin to get better. Go into strict NC mode, it will be hard but needs to be done. DO NOT fall for the "let's be friends" line unless you want to be strung along until she finds someone else then she will drop you.

Remember, you are not alone and you're path to recovery will start with yourself and yourself only. Think about your well being, not hers. She isn't thinking about yours

As you see SJB, you are far from alone, but your among friends who have been there, done that. Tell your heart, to shut up, and listen to logic. First this didn't come out of the blue, you just found out after she gave it a lot of thought. For whatever reason, she wants a break. Give it to her, and stop all contact, and don't be available to her for a while. Understand this is for you, and not her. She has given up the right, to be put first in your life, and you need to heal from the shock, to change your perspective, and deal with some REALITY. Click on the links in my signature, and see if they apply to you, and let us know what you think. You are officially on NC! No Contact whatsoever. Questions??

Everything people have said here is true. I went through the Same thing in August and I followed a lot of their advice. Going into No contact mode will save you months of pain, for a little temporary pain at the start. You don't want to find out about what she's doing or who she's dating etc, believe me. Post here as often as you need we are all listening and willing to help each other.

I just want to say to any women that read this... If you don't want to be with a guy, end it quick and end it ugly. Make him HATE you. Make sure he is GLAD your leaving. Give him the tools he needs to turn his pain into ANGER because anger is the best way for a guy to get over it. You may think its better to let him down easy but the truth is that's just easier on yourself. GROW A PAIR and just end things brutally and ugly. The guy you dump is your enemy. Treat him like it. He'lll thank you in the long run. Hope keeps him from getting angry enough to get over you. CRUSH THE HOPE as quick as possible for him.

That rant being over with thanks for welcoming me to the club guys. This is week one. I feel like $h17 and I know you all feel my pain. The hardest part is sleeping, if you guys can relate. I can handle the lack of appitite I need to loose some weight anyway. But all I want to do is sleep and my mind won't shut up.

It's also hard to keep up the NC when she won't shut up. I told you I asked for my stuff back. Her response was, "I thought this was just a break." I told her it would be less awkward to just get my stuff back now rather than waiting for what I see happening after her month off. She insisted it was just a break so I'm not getting my stuff back until I the enevitable happens. The worst part is she has my copy of Pulp Fiction... (that was a joke to make myself feel better if you didn't catch my tone) Honestly I care about her more than my crap but I'll be damned if I let her keep it. All the things I asked for were either expensive, or I know hold sentimental value for her. But oh well I have to wait and she cause she insists we're on a break, but still no promises of coming back.

I feel you guys are right about there being someone else and I feel she is just stringing me along until she test rides the new guy (pun intended). I have no proof though so I'll give her her month. Not a day more.

Also she saw I listed myself as single and removed her as a friend on Facebook and since it changed her relationship status as well she noticed quick. She started texting me asking why I did it. I told her it was easier on me and if she does decide to be with me and I decide to take her back after her month it can be fixed then. I wasn't looking for attention from her, I just hated logging on seeing her name there and a picture of us so I made some changes to make it easier on myself which meant removing all things that remind me of her out of sight.

I can keep up the NC, but its hard when she's the one talking to me.

Don't pick up the phone, what could she say that you want to hear anyway? Tell her, you wanted the break and the space, so please use it. Do not contact me until you come to a decision on what you would like to do about you and I(do NOT say us because of the fact that there is no us) After you say that, stop fielding her calls until a month is up then ask for a decision, unless of course you found someone better already

I just want to say to any women that read this.... If you don't want to be with a guy, end it quick and end it ugly. Make him HATE you. Make sure he is GLAD your leaving. Give him the tools he needs to turn his pain into ANGER because anger is the best way for a guy to get over it. You may think its better to let him down easy but the truth is thats just easier on yourself. GROW A PAIR and just end things brutally and ugly. The guy you dump is your enemy. Treat him like it. He'lll thank you in the long run. Hope keeps him from getting angry enough to get over you. CRUSH THE HOPE as quick as possible for him.

That rant being over with thanks for welcoming me to the club guys. This is week one. I feel like $h17 and I know you all feel my pain. The hardest part is sleeping, if you guys can relate. I can handle the lack of appitite I need to loose some weight anyways. But all I want to do is sleep and my mind wont shut up.

It's also hard to keep up the NC when she wont shut up. I told you I asked for my stuff back. Her responce was, "I thought this was just a break." I told her it would be less awkward to just get my stuff back now rather than waiting for what I see happening after her month off. She insisted it was just a break so I'm not getting my stuff back until I the enevitable happens. The worst part is she has my copy of Pulp Fiction... (that was a joke to make myself feel better if you didn't catch my tone) Honestly I care about her more than my crap but I'll be damned if I let her keep it. All the things I asked for were either expensive, or I know hold sentimental value for her. But oh well I have to wait and she cause she insists we're on a break, but still no promises of coming back.

I feel you guys are right about there being someone else and I feel she is just stringing me along until she test rides the new guy (pun intended). I have no proof though so I'll give her her month. Not a day more.

Also she saw I listed myself as single and removed her as a friend on Facebook and since it changed her relationship status as well she noticed quick. She started texting me asking why I did it. I told her it was easier on me and if she does decide to be with me and I decide to take her back after her month it can be fixed then. I wasn't looking for attention from her, I just hated logging on seeing her name there and a picture of us so I made some changes to make it easier on myself which meant removing all things that remind me of her out of sight.

I can keep up the NC, but its hard when she's the one talking to me.

It's time to forget about the movie she has. My ex had my movie. (He did give it back by the way.) But her not giving it back is another way of stringing you along. Tell her to cling on to someone else. Lol. The sooner you go NC the better you will feel. Going NC is for you, but it also proves that you have class dammit! That you aren't the type to grovel and beg, it lets you maintain your dignity. I went NC right away. And I'm HAPPY 3 months later. Hell I was happy 2 months later. And he can't say that I was the psycho ex. I won't give him that. There are some days that it hurts. Yesterday was tough. But it was just one day. The number of awesome days just keeps growing!

I think its time to stop playing by her rules, and be unavailable to her. Disappear from her life, and work on making yourself happy, being single. That means out of bed, and out and about.

I just want to say to any women that read this.... If you don't want to be with a guy, end it quick and end it ugly. Make him HATE you. Make sure he is GLAD your leaving. Give him the tools he needs to turn his pain into ANGER because anger is the best way for a guy to get over it. You may think its better to let him down easy but the truth is thats just easier on yourself. GROW A PAIR and just end things brutally and ugly. The guy you dump is your enemy. Treat him like it. He'lll thank you in the long run. Hope keeps him from getting angry enough to get over you. CRUSH THE HOPE as quick as possible for him.

That rant being over with thanks for welcoming me to the club guys. This is week one. I feel like $h17 and I know you all feel my pain. The hardest part is sleeping, if you guys can relate. I can handle the lack of appitite I need to loose some weight anyways. But all I want to do is sleep and my mind wont shut up.

It's also hard to keep up the NC when she wont shut up. I told you I asked for my stuff back. Her responce was, "I thought this was just a break." I told her it would be less awkward to just get my stuff back now rather than waiting for what I see happening after her month off. She insisted it was just a break so I'm not getting my stuff back until I the enevitable happens. The worst part is she has my copy of Pulp Fiction... (that was a joke to make myself feel better if you didn't catch my tone) Honestly I care about her more than my crap but I'll be damned if I let her keep it. All the things I asked for were either expensive, or I know hold sentimental value for her. But oh well I have to wait and she cause she insists we're on a break, but still no promises of coming back.

I feel you guys are right about there being someone else and I feel she is just stringing me along until she test rides the new guy (pun intended). I have no proof though so I'll give her her month. Not a day more.

Also she saw I listed myself as single and removed her as a friend on Facebook and since it changed her relationship status as well she noticed quick. She started texting me asking why I did it. I told her it was easier on me and if she does decide to be with me and I decide to take her back after her month it can be fixed then. I wasn't looking for attention from her, I just hated logging on seeing her name there and a picture of us so I made some changes to make it easier on myself which meant removing all things that remind me of her out of sight.

I can keep up the NC, but its hard when she's the one talking to me.



Your anger is like the bubbles in a can of soda. The more you’re shaken, the more you want to let it out. The longer you keep it in though, the greater the size of the eventual explosion - and the flatter the drink at the end... you have every right to be upset, this is a normal reaction you feel betrayed... but in reality there is nothing you can do, while the both of you are on this break, you take this time to do things for you. Self improve yourself, while you are not with her. By you requesting your things and acting in this nature, it can in turn push her away keep your cool Anger is just an extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt... Totally normal but may I suggest for your own sanity, to refrain from NC, as the days go by you will feel better some days may be rough as others but you will make it... One day at a time.. “One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.

I'll do it. I'll keep NC till the due date. She'll give me her decision, and I'll give her mine. I really need to decide this month if she does want back if I even want her back after stabbing me through the chest like she did. I guess I got to make that decision. THanks for the support and advice, I'll keep you updated.

No problem glad we can help... I know this site has helped me a lot. Changed my whole view of looking at things and life.

She's text me the same message three times today. "I'm a $h17 head and I'm so sorry for treating you like this." I ignored her. I didn't respond. I think she's seeking forgivnress to make herself feel better for hurting me. I'm not giving it to her. She has to live with her guilty conscience if she has one. Its my rules now

I was all ready to grovel and beg and be pathetic but then I talked to you guys and just seeing how many guys have been wronged this way makes me want to be tough and strong. Your support is helping me out more than I knew possible. I'm really thankful I found a group who knows what I'm going through and can support me. And hopefully I'll be able to support you all back.

Ok yeah so I been up all night at work (3rd shift) and its really slow and all I can think about is her. I can keep from contacting her I think, and I think I can keep from responding to her, but that still doesn't change what's going on in my head. *False* hope... I can't keep from looking at my phone every 20 minutes or so to make sure I didn't miss a text or call. And when she has texted me its taken all I can just to shut the phone and put it away. I have too much time at work left to my own thoughts and its driving me insane. I keep thinking about the possibility she has another guy in mind and it makes me want to throw up every time I think about her kissing someone else or making love to someone else or even just doing any of the same things we did. I was never the jealous guy while we were together but now I can't help but be posessive. I can't stop thinking about her and about whether there is someone else.

I know you've heard this a thousand times but its driving me crazy.

Ok yeah so I been up all night at work (3rd shift) and its really slow and all I can think about is her. I can keep from contacting her I think, and I think I can keep from responding to her, but that still doesn't change whats going on in my head. *False* hope.... I can't keep from looking at my phone every 20 minutes or so to make sure I didnt miss a text or call. And when she has texted me its taken all I can just to shut the phone and put it away. I have too much time at work left to my own thoughts and its driving me insane. I keep thinking about the possibility she has another guy in mind and it makes me want to throw up every time I think about her kissing someone else or making love to someone else or even just doing any of the same things we did. I was never the jealous guy while we were together but now I can't help but be posessive. I can't stop thinking about her and about whether or not there is someone else.

I know you've heard this a thousand times but its driving me crazy.

What you're feeling is perfectly normal, it hasn't been that long at all! Ready the sticky about what to expect, if you already read it, read it again. Hell read your last post, its about you now man. What she's thinking or doing is MEANINGLESS.

My ex started dating someone right after we broke up, it hurt bad... and I hurt myself more thinking about it, snooping on her Facebook... I found a message she sent him saying everything, and I mean everything she used to say to me to him... </3

If she is with someone, its for a quick fix to get over you, a rebound... most don't last very long. (so I hear)

I just read the sticky and yeah it seems like a script, like everything I feel and do is already decided. And the only reason it felt like that is because every word sounded like a carbon copy of what I'm going through. I guess the human mind is designed to handle this situation almost universally for everybody that goes through it.

I know if there is another guy and then she comes crawling back (I know not likely) I wouldn't be able to take her back. It would make me too sick to think about. I guess the up side is I probably won't have to ever face that. She'll probably call it quits for good before the month "break" is over. I'll probably still be in denial.

I keep thinking about the possibility she has another guy in mind and it makes me want to throw up every time I think about her kissing someone else or making love to someone else or even just doing any of the same things we did. I was never the jealous guy while we were together but now I can't help but be posessive. I can't stop thinking about her and about whether or not there is someone else.

I know you've heard this a thousand times but its driving me crazy.


I know buddy I've thought those thoughts thousands of times... when I do I just think to myself why am I obsessing over my girl if she's doing all that, I wouldn't take her back if she did those things... I say to myself "fuk you if you wanna sleep around have your fun and come crawling back" some how it makes me not care anymore IF she did all that... and if she truly loves you she wouldn't do those things

I don't know why I checked out her Facebook this morning... actually I do know why cause I'm obsessing and need to get over it. Anyway, she changed her status back to "In a relationship" after I set it to single but of course couldn't link it back to me. She got mad and texted me a bunch from listing me and her as single. I don't know maybe it's a sign she's actually doing some thinking. Not going to speculate about anything else except maybe she's actually thinking. Trying not to let it get my hopes up, but you all have been there and know what its like. At any rate I've ignored her text messages since yesterday so I guess that's something. A good solid looong 24 hours.

My ex gave me the "we should be friends" line a week in the break and I told her no I don't want to be your friend, I want to be more than a friend... I guess it got her very pissed... the next morning she changed her status removed me from her top friends list... I guess thinking it would make me mad... wat do I care its just fukin Facebook!

Don't get your hopes up, and good for you, the first 2 weeks will be hard with the NC then it gets easy for a week or so, then back to hard because you feel "If I say something sweet she will realize she misses me" and then you end up texting her and she doesn't respond or says something like "let's be friends" and you're right back here banging your head against the keyboard saying you were stupid for texting her and blah blah blah... Trust me it happens to everyone. Stay strong, she is weak and you're strong. SHE ALONE CHOSE THE EASY WAY OUT. Giving up is the easiest thing to do, to stay and work things out is the hard part, that's why love is so hard to find. Because you know you can't just walk away from it, you want to work on it no matter what.(good and bad thing)

Don't get your hopes up, and good for you, the first 2 weeks will be hard with the NC then it gets easy for a week or so, then back to hard because you feel "If I say something sweet she will realize she misses me" and then you end up texting her and she doesn't respond or says something like "let's be friends" and you're right back here banging your head against the keyboard saying you were stupid for texting her and blah blah blah...Trust me it happens to everyone. Stay strong, she is weak and you're strong. SHE ALONE CHOSE THE EASY WAY OUT. Giving up is the easiest thing to do, to stay and work things out is the hard part, that's why love is so hard to find. Because you know you can't just walk away from it, you want to work on it no matter what.(good and bad thing)


Your right it does get better, I'm on week 3 and I can honestly say that the pain doesn't go away but its not as constant as the first 2 weeks. The worst part of the day for me is waking up because you realize she's not beside you and all you have is an empty bed with an empty heart. But I keep telling myself I have to stay strong and be a man and somehow I try to forget and make myself forget the love I lost just to make it tru the day... its one day at a time for a while!

Sorry guys I just woke up!

I hate to break it to you, but you never forget. I've been doing NC for over a month and I still feel the same about the waking up part. Only now it's I wonder if she is waking up beside him. While I know he is a rebound, it kills me to know that what we had meant nothing. A colleague at work text me last night and just said "she already said she thinks she loves him" and all I responded was "Good, I'm happy for her. But please do not bring me into her life as I do not wish to be apart of it" Once you get a month in you will have GREAT days where you barely think of her, but then you will have those horrible days where everything just reminds you of that person. But NC is the best way to heal and everyone on here is really supportive and always give sound advice and it may not be what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear.

I'm on day 7 of no contact from her, and about 4 weeks of no contact from me. Though when I get the contact from her it sets me back a bit. All I can say is keep battling on as best you can. Rome is right that you have a great support network on this site, and the advice is good advice. Keep hangin in there. Remember you are a catch, you just got caught in the wrong net. You might get fished again by that net, but going NC will hopefully get you stronger and better as a person in time.

I keep telling myself this, so we are in it together!

You guys all seem to be doing great. I can tell you first hand there is no worse feeling then breaking NC for any reason (its amazing how one can justify it at the time) and having to start at day 0 again.

As for the evil of Facebook and breakups, I highly recommend going into the privacy settings and adding your ex to the block list (if only temporarily). You will not see her/his name anywhere, no pictures etc and they also can't even search/see your profile. It really helps those situations where you feel the need to check a profile and see what's on it, as NOTHING good can come from it.

Also the fact that she got mad that you set your status to single makes me think she is really messing with you. Sounds like she was planning on doing everything at her pace and you went and took control and severed it. I wouldn't use this as hope, more so as motivation to realize that your feelings probably don't matter to her.

I just deleted her numbers from my phone. Even though I know them by heart at least I won't be tempted every time I'm scrolling through my contacts list. I Blocked her on Facebook. Out of site out of mind again. And I packed up all the stuff she gave me in a box and shoved it in a closet for me to worry about later. I trierd to get rid of everything that reminds me of her. Its impossible to get everything but at least getting the majority should help. I'm telling my RL friends that its just over because I myself should just start thinking about it like that. Our friends wernt really intermingled. Her friends liked me but were loyal to her and vice versa so no awkward mutual friends.

She texted me again tonight saying, "do you still hate me 4 asking 4 a little break?" I didn't respond. I never said I hated her but I think she thinks that cause I have ignored 4 texts so far. To be honest, I'm so mixed up right now I don't know what I think of her

If you're mixed up then really don't contact her! (I know you wont) but yeah, give yourself more time, who knows, maybe you needed this break too. Try not to think about what she's thinking, you'll drive yourself nuts!

Psh, women...

I've decided to give up drinking for the time being cause I just did what I wasn't supposed to do. I got drunk and called her. Actually I did worse. I went and unblocked her Facebook looked at her profile saw a bunch of flirtatious things with her and this one very desperately single guy she works with. Using superpoke she was saying things like she was making out with him and cuddling him and carressing him. Now I know it was just Facebook, stupid effing Facebook, but he was the only person on there she was doing this with and it had been doing on 3 weeks or so. I know its just Facebook, but still, I think almost for sure she cheated on me in real life with this guy. Maybe it's the alcohol. I made a big effing mistake. I shouldn't have done this. That's why I'm stopping the drinking. Now she probably thinks I'm an insecure jealous guy. She'd be right, but but I didn't have to confirm it for her. I'm an idiot. She said she wasn't cheating and once again insisted this was just a "little" break when I referred to myself as her exboyfriend. I'm a fuking idiot. I know it. You know it. Now she knows it. I couldn't even do a few days of no contact before getting drunk and doing something stupid. Day 0 I'll try again.

... it wasn't the alcohol. You knew what you were doing... and you just used alcohol as an excuse.

Regardless, we all fall short sometimes.

You tripped. Get up and try it again.

Don't beat yourself up... everyone makes mistakes. But yeah, booze doesn't make anything better, this you know, so good for you for coming to the conclusion to stop for awhile.

I got no one and no thing to blame but myself.

It's all right. Everyone trips. Everyone falls. It's how you finish the race that counts.

Do I smell self pity?? Disgusting, can't you see the positive? No more drinking, and doing stupid stuff. That's a very positive lesson, if you do it. I been sober for years, and I still do stupid stuff sometimes, just ask my wife. Back to NC, sober this time.

Your little trip up really wasn't that bad. IF you can truly learn from it, it will help you to NOT do this again. You will be tempted to do something stupid again but remember how you felt right now, and that should be able to stop you.

I've decided to give up drinking for the time being cause I just did what I wasn't supposed to do. I got drunk and called her. Actually I did worse. I went and unblocked her facebook looked at her profile saw a bunch of flirtatious things with her and this one very desperately single guy she works with. Using superpoke she was saying things like she was making out with him and cuddling him and carressing him. Now I know it was just facebook, stupid effing facebook, but he was the only person on there she was doing this with and it had been doing on 3 weeks or so. I know its just facebook, but still, I think almost for sure she cheated on me in real life with this guy. Maybe its the alchohol. I made a big effing mistake. I shouldn't have done this. Thats why I'm stopping the drinking. Now she prolly thinks i'm an insecure jealous guy. She'd be right, but but I didnt have to confirm it for her. I'm an idiot. She said she wasn't cheating and once again insisted this was just a "little" break when I refered to myself as her exboyfriend. I'm a fuking idiot. I know it. You know it. Now she knows it. I couldn't even do a few days of no contact before getting drunk and doing something stupid. Day 0 I'll try again.

This stuff happens sometimes try not to let it get to you. Most of us had been there before and had made the same mistakes. I know I did, I broke NC even though everybody told me not to. I was naïve and it definitely put me back some in the whole "healing process." Remember how you feel now and learn from it.

If you can do your best to learn from others. Do not repeat the same mistakes they have made. Stay away from anything that reminds you of her. That also means stay away from her Facebook. Checking up her Facebook will only bring you more misery. I know because I also made that mistake. What I found was exactly what I had feared. Just stay away from things that remind you of her and focus on yourself now. Out of sight, out of mind. I know that this is easier said then done but you have to start somewhere. Best of luck.

I'm a nervous wreck today. I found out today she's been doing drugs for the past month. Mostly pot. Cocaine twice that I know of. I was tempted to say something to her about it, but I knew it wouldn't get me anywhere or accomplish anything so I'm maintaining NC. She recently was taken off pain killers for her back injury and I think she got addicted to feeling high. She was struggling with popping pills when we started dating, but was clean for over a year till her back injury. Now she can't get perscription drugs and the people she works with are mostly druggies. Now she's doing the illegal kind and pushing me away because of it. It's a choice between me and getting high and I've been all but let go completely for them.

It sounds like you should stay far far away.

She sounds like she is spiraling out of contol.

A waste is a terrible thing to mind.

I care about her too much to watch her throw her life away, but I feel helpless to do anything. I hate watching someone I care about going a such a self desructive path. She could inadvertently kill herself, and I'm not even sure she cares right now. I don't know how someone could spiral out of control so fast for no appearent reason. She comes home everyday from work misserable and until a V-day weekend all it took was seeing me to feel better about it. I guess she thinks this is more of an escape, but it's the people that she works with, at the place where she is miserable, that are encouraging her to go down this path. It makes no rational since. A choice between someone who protected her and something that could destroy her and she picks the dark path that could kill her.

Listen bud... I've been where you are. Trust me. I have. You are what I consider a "too nice of a guy"... welcome to the club. You'll find plenty more in here.

The thing is, there's NOTHING you can do. The more you do something to help her, the more she'll resent you... and the more she'll do it. I've tried it. I've made up my mind and thought "I don't care if she hates me, I love her and I'll care for her..."... didn't work. She just resented me and ended up just doing whatever she wanted anyway. I tried to get her help, didn't help. In the end, I gave up. Not because I stopped caring, but I realized that I was just making things worse.

People can only help themselves... and has to want help. Nothing can fix her until she wants to be fixed.

I'm a little more calmed down now, not because of any "good news," but because I forced myself to start thinking with the logical part of my brain. No Contact really is a blanket rule, the most important rule in everyway I can think about it. Its counterintuitive, but it's the only measure that works in this oh too common situation because it work no matter what the outcome. Outcome A) No Contact helps me get over her and move on while she does whatever the hell she wants. B) She missed me cause of no contact and she still has feelings and comes back to me at which point I can decide if I want her back based on where I am emotionally and whether she's willing to give up the drugs again. I'm tryign to approach this in an analytical manner rather than an emotional manner because if I listen only to the strong sobby emotions I will let it consume me, and also be in her eyes the clingy WUSS. No Contact is the only Win-Win situation. Either we move on, or we get back together. Anythign other than No Contact will remove any chance of the latter all together, and only No Contact will prepare you for the more likely former.

When I started dating her I was at a dark time in my life and was drinking and partying heavily. She was attracted to that I think, but brought me out of that in the process of being with me. I think I got soft. I am the "good guy" at heart, but no matter what my future holds I think I need to maintain my manliness and confidence during a relationship to keep myself from seeming unattractive in any woman's eyes. Women want emotionally strong confident men and not men that wuss themselves around them. I've gotten all too good at being the wuss that lets her walk all over me.

I'm a little more calmed down now, not because of any "good news," but because I forced myself to start thinking with the logical part of my brain. No Contact really is a blanket rule, the most important rule in everyway I can think about it. Its counterintuitive, but its the only measure that works in this oh too common situation because it work no matter what the outcome. Outcome A) No Contact helps me get over her and move on while she does whatever the hell she wants. B) She missed me cause of no contact and she still has feelings and comes back to me at which point I can decide if I want her back based on where I am emotionally and whether or not shes willing to give up the drugs again. I'm tryign to approach this in an analytical manner rather than an emotional manner because if I listen only to the strong sobby emotions I will let it consume me, and also be in her eyes the clingy WUSS. No Contact is the only Win-Win situation. Either we move on, or we get back together. Anythign other than No Contact will remove any chance of the latter all together, and only No Contact will prepare you for the more likely former.

When I started dating her I was at a dark time in my life and was drinking and partying heavily. She was attracted to that I think, but brought me out of that in the process of being with me. I think I got soft. I am the "good guy" at heart, but no matter what my future holds I think I need to maintain my manliness and confidence during a relationship to keep myself from seeming unattractive in any woman's eyes. Women want emotionally strong confident men and not men that wuss themselves around them. I've gotten all too good at being the wuss that lets her walk all over me.


GOOD for you, now your thinking... BTW I don't think you are a wuss, I think you are a very caring individual... and you will make someone happy, never change that... speaking as a woman myself, I just love a man who can be real with me and express his love to me, it's a turn on... communication is key and stating what you want out of relationship doesn't make you a wuss at all.. she is the one who is at loss...

GOOD for you, now your thinking... BTW I don't think you are a wuss, I think you are a very caring individual... and you will make someone happy, never change that.... speaking as a woman myself, I just love a man who can be real with me and express his love to me, its a turn on... communication is key and stating what you want out of relationship doesn't make you a wuss at all.. she is the one who is at loss...

I've always been an emotionaly shy guy and hesitant to show my emotions. I was able to show her plenty of love and affection, and I wasn't afraid to get angry at first. But after time I stopped getting so angry and I let her treat me badly sometimes (to which she admitted fault) without getting angry about it. I was very caring and loving though and never afraid to let her know that I adored her (despite her treating me poorly from time to time). At any rate, one of her complaints as of late (of which there surprisingly weren't many) was that I "never get excited about anything." I don't know what that means exactly, but I do know I am emotionally reserved when it comes to those types of reactions. I'm capable of feeling things like excitement, but have a hard time expressing it. Like I'm uncomfortable in my own emotional skin. I kind of thought it was common among guys and normal. Maybe I was wrong?

I guess I'm going over this as a "what to do/not do" in my future whatever it holds for me.

I've always been an emotionaly shy guy and hesitant to show my emotions. I was able to show her plenty of love and affection, and I wasn't afraid to get angry at first. But after time I stopped getting so angry and I let her treat me badly sometimes (to which she admitted fault) without getting angry about it. I was very caring and loving though and never afraid to let her know that I adored her (despite her treating me poorly from time to time). At any rate, one of her complaints as of late (of which there suprisingly wern't many) was that I "never get excited about anything." I don't know what that means exactly, but I do know I am emotionally reserved when it comes to those types of reactions. I'm capable of feeling things like excitement, but have a hard time expressing it. Like I'm uncomfortable in my own emotional skin. I kinda thought it was common among guys and normal. Maybe I was wrong?

I guess I'm going over this as a "what to do/not do" in my future whatever it holds for me.


Oh please, people always tend to point out the things you are not doing... perhaps if she was to focus on your overall actions, she wouldn't be dwindling on your ability not to be excited.. in actuality to me, this is not even a big deal... this is something workable... maybe if she was a better girlfriend you would have been excited and by you telling me she treated you poorly I hope you see why it is important to not be in this kind of relationship... Listen to me I had kids with my ex husband and that couldn't keep me in a emotionally damaging relationship... you had nothing but a relationship with this woman.. consider how lucky you are that it didn't take you to where I was to realize that.. You can walk away with nothing attached... embrace that and remember failed relationships are the ground work to the future... You find love to loose love to find love again... and when you find the person for you... You will be a different man, a wiser man a stronger man, a better lover... and you will learn to appreciate this relationship for it has made you stronger... Mentally in your mind thank her for coming into your life, forgive her for what she have done to hurt you and move on... moving on means, excepting it is over and making the best out of your life... it isn't the end of the world but the beginning of the new you... embrace it...

You're right jolienoire. You know what, I need to be accepted for who I am, faults and all. If someone I care about only points out my faults, then its only going to damage myself esteem and make me feel self pity. I don't deserve that kind of treatment. A partner is supposed to be supportive and love you because of your strengths and weaknesses, not in spite of them.

You're right jolienoire. You know what, I need to be accepted for who I am, faults and all. If someone I care about only points out my faults, then its only gonna damage my self esteem and make me feel self pity. I don't deserve that kind of treatment. A partner is supposed to be supportive and love you because of your strengths and weaknesses, not in spite of them.


Yes you got it... I hope you find true happiness, but first love yourself enough to know that you deserve the best..

She didn't treat me horribly, there were just *mild* incidents. I'm not trying to glorify her, I'm just trying to present an unbiased view. She more than went out of her way to make up for any time she did miss treat me and I could really tell she was trying. Sometimes I just ended up as her punching bag *mostly metaphorically*. She did get better at it. Not completely, but better.

That being said I actually have almost made it 48hrs NC. Of course she hasn't tried to contact me either and I hate to admit I can't keep my mind off my phone. I managed to get some school work done but it was slow going, and forget studying, I couldn't keep my mind on it. The thing that sucks is this week is finals week. Universal Karma I guess. I'm managing to slowly finish my final projects just I can't focus on studying for the exams and I'm worried about doing poorly on them. I won't fail, but it'll definitely hurt my grade if I'm not prepared for the exams. I just can't keep my mind on the books. I zone out and start thinking about her and again I hate to admit it, I'm thinking about how me and her are going to work everything out when she's done with her break. Stupid way of thinking I know, but I just am not willing to give up hope till she says its over for good.

but I just am not willing to give up hope till she says its over for good.

Sounds as if your willing to let her lead, and control this relationship, and I urge you to rethink that position, so that you can at least gain some control over why, and what you will accept. I think you should at least love yourself, as much, if not more, than you love her. You have a stake in this also, and to just let her do whatever she wants, does you no good. You do not have to go along with anything she puts down, if you are against it, and standing your ground for what you believe, is a part of what you bring to the table. You don't have to settle to keep her. But she has to accept and respect you to keep you. She has issues with life, and you can't help her be happy with who she is, or what she does, that's her responsibility. All you can do is be happy, and share it with her, and she must be willing to do the same. If, and when she is ready for that, she will let you know. Until then ,take this break and get to a healthy place, to make good decisions for you, and see things as they really are, and not clouded by emotions, and intense feelings. Be good to yourself, and expect no less from others.

This "break" has a deadline of March 20th (or sooner according to her). I have 2 choices, end things myself which I don't want to do but it gives me control or let her have till March 20th which is shared control in a sense. She's got the power till the deadline, but at the deadline, I've told myself I have to end things cause I can't give her more than that. I can't put myself through any more than that. I'm going to keep No Contact. That's my bit of control in all this. Its control over myself, and some control over the situation. I've decided that until the deadline I will reply to her but I won't iniciate contact. And I'm going to be doing my best to be having fun as just me so if she asks how I'm doing I can genuinly tell her I'm doing good and having fun. I don't want her to see the needy weepy guy that I know I can be to you guys. If she tries to talk to me without a decision I will also be brief but friendly and nicely tell her that this is a break for both of us and that we really shouldn't talk till we both come to a decision and decide either the break or "us" is over. If given the opportunity this will keep it from being her show. In the mean time I thought I might start hanging out with some female friends of mine and trying to have fun. She has always felt threatened by these girls but that is just a bonus. I have no romantic interest in these girls (the feelings mutual) but we have been friends for years and I think it would do me some good to be around socializing with the opposite sex and having fun. That's my plan till March 20th, give me your input.

I am so uncomfortable with deadlines, and just me a willingness to work together trumps, all those breaks and confusion. That you have other things to do is great, but why do I think this is more about you than her. I honestly don't know.

Tal, in what way do you think this is more about me than her? I'm just curious that I missed something about myself. I got to say I'm uncomfortable with a deadline too. But I really don't want to put myself through any more heartache than I have to. I really don't know yet if I could have the courage to end it at the deadline. But a few days into the break (we hadn't stopped talking the first 4 days or so) she said I want a break till one month from today (that day being Feb 20th). She also said it "might not even be that long." I hate this because she's cutting communication rather than opening them, at least for a month. I know I didn't always listen to her but for the most part we did communicate. I know what a lot of my faults are. I don't judge her for her faults. Lately I guess I have been more wrapped up in my own problems and less willing to listen to hers. I've been stressed because this Quarter, class has been kicking my butt to keep up. (A lot of writing. Three 30 page papers in one class!) Maybe part of this has to do with me not listening to her. Past 2 months or so, I've heard her problems but I don't really think I listened to her. I was just thinking "I'll get through my stuff and then be there for her. Its only 3 months". Tal, I really just want to know what you meant. And what you think given more detail. You're insight is apprieciated.

After rereading this thread, I have to go back to what I said in post #7. Even though honoring the deadline may not be a bad thing at all, I think your mind should be made up before then, and your decision should not be fully hers to make, as you are half this team. So the way I see it, Unless you are as confused as she is, and you need the time to figure it out for yourself. Stay busy, and even if she initiates contact, don't be desperate, and to available.

Tal, in what way do you think this is more about me than her? I'm just curious that I missed something about myself. I gotta say I'm uncomfortable with a deadline too. But I really don't want to put myself through any more heartache than I have to. I really don't know yet if I could have the courage to end it at the deadline. But a few days into the break (we hadn't stopped talking the first 4 days or so) she said I want a break till one month from today (that day being Feb 20th). She also said it "might not even be that long." I hate this because she's cutting communication rather than opening them, atleast for a month. I know I didn't always listen to her but for the most part we did communicate. I know what a lot of my faults are. I don't judge her for her faults. Lately I guess I have been more wrapped up in my own problems and less willing to listen to hers. I've been stressed because this Quarter, class has been kicking my butt to keep up. (A lot of writing. Three 30 page papers in one class!) Maybe part of this has to do with me not listening to her. Past 2 months or so, I've heard her problems but I don't really think I listened to her. I was just thinking "I'll get through my stuff and then be there for her. Its only 3 months". Tal, I really just want to know what you meant. And what you think given more detail. You're insight is apprieciated.

“A perfect method for adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large.” Deadlines are riduculous and only works for project, and working, there shouldn't be deadlines in relationships..

I think this should be a strict, no contact deal for more than a month. More for you than her, as she has not promised to comeback, which leads me to believe there is something she isn't telling, but wants to leave her options open. This is not the kind of female I would wait for, no way. To me, just me mind you she is saying, "let me see if I can do better or at least try, and if it doesn't work I'll be back........maybe." Sorry guy, But me, I'm out of there. The sooner the better, and the hell with her deadline.

“A perfect method for adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large.” Deadlines are riduculous and only works for project, and working, there shouldn't be deadlines in relationships..

Seems I was writing while you were posting, but I do agree 100%. Deadlines and ultimatums have no place in a relationship, and only leads to drama and confusion. I have seen this tactic used many times to string someone along, or keep them close, and dependent. Not good either way and is a poor example of caring. Girl, you are good.

Seems I was writing while you were posting, but I do agree 100%. Deadlines and ultimatums have no place in a relationship, and only leads to drama and confusion. I have seen this tactic used many times to string someone along, or keep them close, and dependent. Not good either way and is a poor example of caring. Girl, you are good.


Thanks talaniman, you know I posted some questions back in October, I was basically in the same situation but I suggested the break he agreed, we gave each other space, and when it was comfortable we talked again but it took months, and we did no contact at all not even holidays, I mean he attempted to contact me after months have passed but I stuck to NC, until I was fully healed, we talk and we are working at our friendship.. but then again Iv'e known him over 10 years... Ultimately there was no deadline set... we just ran into each other and started talking.. It's possible to miss someone and work it out the second time around. But don't screw up the chances... my relationship now is different because I don't make him the focus of my happiness... I took that time and found myself.. the woman I forgot I was while I was in that relationship. Jolie She's back now and stronger than ever...

Goes to the basis of this thread, as I think he could benefit from healing, rather than going through this drama he is in. You have to be healthy, to make healthy decisions for yourself. Love has no deadlines, so what the hurry, to jump back into the confusion?

I'm sure there are lots of things she's hiding from me at this point. I have just been hoping they didn't involve other guys. You guys seem sure though she lineing up other guys and comparing them to me to see who's better as we speak. I just have a hard time believing she would just drop me outright for a new guy when she's been very dependent and needy of me for the past 2 years. I haven't seemed the clingy one in this relationship till just now when she took herself out of my life. And I didn't mind her being needy of me. I love being needed. Right now I have a bruised ego from rejection, I feel worthless cause no one "needs me", I feel lonely because I'm not with her (other friends have been POOR substitutes), and I miss her terribly as my best friend and lover. I hate not having her, now I'm the clingy needy one (though doing my best not to let her see that), and I hate the thought of her not wanting me and not needing me. I'm sure you see a whole slew of problems in these emotions, I see them too. But its how I feel and the way she was towards me up until the last second I actually saw her in person. It took 2 days before her *visible* attitude towards me changed.

All great inovations are built on rejection... Don't let this change your attitude or yourself esteem...

This is why you healing is more important, so you can see through those emotions that are still fresh and intense.

I'm trying my best to focus on me, but it's easier said than done. Part of me just wants the situation to be over but the other part of me tells me the only way that's going to happen is if I end things. I don't want to do it. I don't want it to be done. I don't want it to be over, and officially its not. The only way I have hope of that result (I know HOPE is a BAD thing) is if I play her game. I just think at least with No Contact, I can play her game by my rules. I've been reading the Break Up Survival Guide Post and trying to develop a strategy. (Makes me feel like Im actually doing something) We didn't have any problems that were beyond repair and it didn't seem as though we "grew apart." Just the only way those few problems (nothing major really) have to be fixed by us as a team. I'm willing to be in a team with her to work on them. The question is, is she still willing to be on the team with me. Only she knows. In this aspect the balls in her court and there's nothing I can do about it.

I just thought it interresting and I don't know why I thought of this, but because I work graveyard shift and she works simi-normally my no contact days are weird. From her perspective, its been 2 days since last contact. From mine its about to be 3 when I go to bed. I'll be ending my 3rd day when she's beginning it. I don't know why I thought of this of all things but I thought I'd put it out there. She's had Saturday and Sunday without me contacting her. I've had Friday Night, Saturday Night, and Sunday Night since my day is starting at 6pm and ending at 9am. My day used to start at 3-4pm while with her. Now I have a ton of time to sleep and am sleeping horribly. I got 11 whole hours last night though after taking a sleep aid that I didn't know would put me into that much of a coma.

Well I feel SICK right now. SICK. Its another guy for sure, but she hasn't come out and told me. I did something sick to find out. I logged on to her Facebook account (cause I know the password I set it up for her) and went to her inbox. One of her friends asked her how she was doing and she replied not good. She said that she was starting to have feelings for one of her coworkers and asked for a month break from her boyfriend (me) to clear her head.

SJB you need to stop! Look at what you're doing to yourself! You need to stop logging onto her Facebook. You're going to have a thing called a restraining order put on you, I know the urge to sign on to her account will be there but you need to resist. Because look at where it got you, what part of ignorance is bliss did you just not understand! You told us the first time, that she wasn't the type of girl to just have feelings for someone else, now you were proved wrong. Now you can start to move on and realize that perfect girl image of her has been SHATTERED! All you are doing now is not allowing yourself to move on, while she on the other hand is. But hey, if you're comfortable with being the back up plan, that's fine

I may have done something borderline stalker to find out, but I found out. I can't confront her because of the way I found out. She's been lying to me. She said it wasn't another guy. You guys said it was. YOU WERE RIGHT! I feel like absolute but at least I know. I just don't know how to end things. I want to but I desperatly don't want to all at the same time.

If you read the background to my situation you will see, I was EXACTLY how you were. But since finding this site, I have come a long way, in a good way. Sure I still have my bad days and will be posting something that happened at work yesterday as soon as I get done this just because I feel better talking to the people on this forum about it than anyone else. But don't beat yourself up over what you did, it happened, you can't change it. We all make mistakes, no one on this forum will tell you otherwise. But it won't be easy to move on, my ex has a new boyfriend and I don't know if it's true, but a friend of mine told me yesterday that the quicker your ex moves on to someone new, the more she is simply trying to push her feelings for you out of her heart. She will realize she let a good thing get away, fate works both ways my friend. We will always be here for you

Was it a mistake for me to seek out the truth? To get an answer? To know one way or another? Or should I have left myself with false hopes letting her string me along? "Break" my... I'm not sorry for finding the truth, I'm just shaken up that it was my worst fear...

No it was a mistake in how you did it. What you need to realize is, it's her life now. You're no longer a part of it, The sooner you realize it will never be the same. The less you will care what she does. You have to realize that the image of the great girl you once knew, has been altered, which should aid in moving on. If she contacts you, tell her not to talk to you anymore, she asked for this space so tell her you want space as well

Yeah it hurts, but the good news is, you have all the control back, and have no need to take her calls or make any contact whatsoever. Start right now at this moment, to heal and put this in the past and look to the future. Cry if you must but put you first from now on. Don't be like the stubborn nog heads, who feel they need closure, or want to try one more time, or need to TALK TO HER, forget it! Go No Contact now, and leave anything with her name on it alone.

I got to end things... I can't bring myself to do it. I don't even know what to tell her when I do. I can't tell her what I know or how I know it. What can I do?

Just simply tell her that after looking back on the past couple months you realized that you have grown apart from her and think that going our separate ways would be best for both of us. Wish her well in whatever she does and then say your goodbyes and leave it at that. None of that closure crap, I need to send her this e-mail to know its really over. When they person says "we need to break, or break up" its over. There is no hidden message that says "I want you to chase me to hell and I will take you back" it means, GOODBYE

I gotta end things... I can't bring myself to do it. I dont even know what to tell her when I do. I can't tell her what I know or how I know it. What can I do?
I disappear from her existence, just me though.:D

I don't even know what to tell her when I do.

Then tell her nothing, you owe her nothing. She'll figure it out.

Man I hate it when people can't enforce boundaries. Thinking a coworker is hot and nice is one thing... but this broad obviously has loose boundaries, and she shouldn't have gotten that close to him to develop feelings in the first place. You don't need someone like that, keep telling yourself that. Use all this in the future... the next time around you should take your time. Stay away from chicks with boundary or codependancy issues. With some observation you can usually see what types get attached too quickly. Just keep telling yourself that there is someone else out there that won't do that to you, that will be better for you.

I just ended it... or she did... I don't know... She didn't want to let it go at I don't think we should be together anymore. And I made the mistake of talking to her about it... Anyway it ended with her hanging up on me after telling me it was my fault she wanted the break because I had stopped listening to her... then the usual crap about how she is young and doesn't know if she wants to be in a relationship at this age. I asked her if she had feelings for someone else, and she said she had thought she did but realized she didn't really quickly and in fact was just enjoying being alone and doing what she wants to do. Of course it was too late to say, oh lets do the break thing again, and probably for the best. She said she was just stringing me along but not in the sense that I thought and that is wasn't fair on me. We went back and forth and I pushed her away I know and she said it was best that we end things and hung up on me and that she didn't want to work things out with me. So I started dumping her had trouble with the follow through and she finished it. I feel like sh!t. I'll talk to you guys later.

There is the closure you "needed" my friend. Now you can move on from here, learn from your mistakes in the relationship and start to work on some alone time. Become happy with yourself as a single person. That's the biggest thing, don't jump into another relationship for the comfort or because you feel alone. It will all be better and one day you will look back and laugh about how you acted. While I do still want my ex back, I look back to how I acted the first 2 weeks after we broke up and I was such a little b!tch and laugh at myself now for how I acted, which probably pushed any thoughts in her mind that I could do better.

Dude I've read this story a 1,000 times and went through it myself back in September. Read my post. I know it's long, but it's essentially the same journey you are on right now. It's taken me all the way until NOW to be comfortable with the fact that it's completely over and to just stop... caring so much I guess. Definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life, and I guarantee it will be the same for you. But you will get through it.

I'm still struggling sometimes, just as you will. For example just yesterday, after days of not thinking about her, I randomly started to. I started to think that here I am, over 5 months later and I'm still single and can't find a girl even though I've been trying for sure, whereas she found a new boyfriend almost immediately and has been dating him for a couple of months. She's all but forgotten about me now. It sucks, because in a way I feel like she's robbed me of having a relationship and being in "girlfriend mode," which I feel like is the best version of myself, if you know what I mean. Sometimes I feel like she's royally screwed up my life, because when she said she wanted a "break" I had to move 30 minutes away, hang out with all new people, switch my job location, and lose my best friend and lover all in one. And it pisses me off because I'm not particularly good at meeting new girls, and it's going to take me forever to find a new one.

Fact is though, that none of it matters anymore. I know she's not the same person I started dating in 2003, and even if she wanted to get back together (which I'm sure she never will) I just don't think it would work right now. And eventually, I'll get a new girl. And the new people I've met as a result of my move are mostly cool. Point is, I'm gettin' by, and so will you. Sounds to me like you've done much better than I did. And don't worry about snooping that one time... but wouldn't do it any more. I did it too, and soon as I found out there was another guy it gave me the kick in the @$$ I needed to stop talking to her. Keep with the NC and you'll be much much better off.

[QUOTE=] I just want to say to any women that read this... If you don't want to be with a guy, end it quick and end it ugly. Make him HATE you. Make sure he is GLAD your leaving. Give him the tools he needs to turn his pain into ANGER because anger is the best way for a guy to get over it. You may think its better to let him down easy but the truth is that's just easier on yourself. GROW A PAIR and just end things brutally and ugly. The guy you dump is your enemy. Treat him like it. He'lll thank you in the long run. Hope keeps him from getting angry enough to get over you. CRUSH THE HOPE as quick as possible for him.
QUOTE]


UMMM No, I personally don't like to have animocity towards anyone life is too short for that. No need to play mind games making someone hate you when you love him.. She can love you but may not be in love with you there is a difference..
There are some people in my life who I love and can't stand.. Can't be around them but love them.. Everyone has someone like that... But that's beside the point Loving someone is letting go even if it hurts.

My ex husband cheated, yes cheated on me ruined my kids life and mine, I didn't hate him for it even though I could easily have I hated what he had done.. . I was hurt very hurt, but if he loved me that much he wouldn't have hurt me, I would have rather for him to say let's separate/divorce before he decided to cheat.. Sometimes, it's better that the person prevent hurting you further by being honest rather than misleading you to a path of nowhere. As I stated before I rather hate someone for telling me the truth than love them for telling me lies... But that deadline bs, is a bunch of nonsense... Love don't have deadlines... anyway.. I hope that you heal and remember. That you will look back at this and laugh...

Well I feel SICK right now. SICK. Its another guy for sure, but she hasn't come out and told me. I did something sick to find out. I logged on to her facebook account (cause I know the password I set it up for her) and went to her inbox. One of her friends asked her how she was doing and she replied not good. She said that she was starting to have feelings for one of her coworkers and asked for a month break from her boyfriend (me) to clear her head.

Been there, done that... NOTHING good can come from checking her Facebook... personally, I got rid of the damn thing, it's a retarded website anyway. I found the same words she used to say to me, cept they were sent to another guy she started seeing almost immediately after we broke up... mind you, at this time they've only been together a month, LD, over the phone... it hurt bad... although, this helped me realize and enforce the truth that she is a liar and cheater, so at that moment I stopped kidding myself and got serious about the healing process.

Now I'm dating again... only been on 2 but I think that's pretty good (cept one was a date from hell, lol) Things get better my man, as you'll find out. I can honestly say that I don't want her anymore, and that I miss who I thought she was. Yeah, we had an amazing relationship, but I'm not sure if I would want to try again if she wanted too... but it doesn't matter, what she thinks/does doesn't matter... I remember everything she told me when she broke up with me, and based on her actions, they were all lies... just a damn shame really.

It seems like these situations are like clockwork. I did the same thing with Facebook early into the breakup. What I saw hurt like hell but at least I found out the truth behind things. What hurt me the most wasn't her leaving me, it was all the lies involved when doing so. Even though it hurt so much, this is when reality finally kicked in and I began accepting the truth.

I'm still struggling sometimes, just as you will. For example just yesterday, after days of not thinking about her, I randomly started to. I started to think that here I am, over 5 months later and I'm still single and can't find a girl even though I've been trying for sure, whereas she found a new boyfriend almost immediately and has been dating him for a couple of months. She's all but forgotten about me now. It sucks, because in a way I feel like she's robbed me of having a relationship and being in "girlfriend mode," which I feel like is the best version of myself, if you know what I mean. Sometimes I feel like she's royally screwed up my life, because when she said she wanted a "break" I had to move 30 minutes away, hang out with all new people, switch my job location, and lose my best friend and lover all in one. And it pisses me off because I'm not particularly good at meeting new girls, and it's gonna take me forever to find a new one.

Describes excactly how I feel... every word... I'm going to attempt to get my stuff Wednesday. No chit chat, no talking about what went wrong, no begging. I'll try not to cry. I won't let her talk to me about it to allieviate her own guilt. It made me sick she kept saying "I loved you more than you could know" "It was true love" "I care about you so much" I kept just telling her to shut up SHUT UP SHUT UP! but she wouldn't. I told her that's the last thing I wanted to hear. She also said I made a few mistakes those first couple days (including drunk dialing) that made her decide not to come back. She said she was going to come back before I accused her of cheating. It sounded like an excuse to me. I told her that if she had been in love with me she would have communicated with me before it got to this point. She again insisted that she did love me "more than I could know" and that it was true love. But said that that wasn't enough reason to fix things anymore and that this past week she fell "out of love". I went to bed...

[QUOTE=] I just want to say to any women that read this.... If you don't want to be with a guy, end it quick and end it ugly. Make him HATE you. Make sure he is GLAD your leaving. Give him the tools he needs to turn his pain into ANGER because anger is the best way for a guy to get over it. You may think its better to let him down easy but the truth is thats just easier on yourself. GROW A PAIR and just end things brutally and ugly. The guy you dump is your enemy. Treat him like it. He'lll thank you in the long run. Hope keeps him from getting angry enough to get over you. CRUSH THE HOPE as quick as possible for him.
QUOTE]


UMMM No, I personally don't like to have animocity towards anyone life is too short for that. No need to play mind games making someone hate you when you love him.. She can love you but may not be in love with you there is a difference..
Their are some people in my life who I love and can't stand.. Can't be around them but love them.. Everyone has someone like that... But that's beside the point Loving someone is letting go even if it hurts.

My ex husband cheated, yes cheated on me ruined my kids life and mine, I didn't hate him for it even though I could easily have I hated what he had done.. .I was hurt very hurt, but if he loved me that much he wouldn't have hurt me, I would have rather for him to say let's separate/divorce before he decided to cheat.. Sometimes, it's better that the person prevent hurting you further by being honest rather than misleading you to a path of nowhere. as i stated before I rather hate someone for telling me the truth than love them for telling me lies.... But that deadline bs, is a bunch of nonsense... Love don't have deadlines... anyway.. I hope that you heal and remember. That you will look back at this and laugh...

Hate eliminates false hope. And saves you a lot of the heartache... Its hard to let go of someone you love. Its easy to drop someone that you hate. Then in a short time you stop caring to even hate the person and just act like they were never in you life. I don't want to hear any of that "she was in your life for a reason" stuff, I just wish she never had been. I really wish to God I had NEVER had her in my life. That I never knew her, never opened up to her, never had the most passionate intimate sex I've ever had with her, I wish she was never in my life. No lessons. No learning from the loss. I just wish it all never happened. I wish the world were so perfect that the first person you met would be your "soul mate" the person you will spend the rest of your life with and that no one in the world ever know heartache. I wish to God I'd NEVER met her and I mean every word of that.

She also said I made a few mistakes those first couple days (including drunk dialing) that made her decide not to come back. She said she was going to come back before I accused her of cheating. It sounded like an excuse to me. I told her that if she had been in love with me she would have communicated with me before it got to this point. She again insisted that she did love me "more than I could know" and that it was true love. But said that that wasn't enough reason to fix things anymore and that this past week she fell "out of love". I went to bed...

This definitely sounds like excuses she has made up to justify breaking you off completely. My guess is that she has a guilty conscious about the whole situation and wants to point the finger at anybody (you in this case) but herself. Im not saying you are a saint, but I do not think anything you possibly did week would make somebody who truly loves you to "fall out of love" beyond repair. Do you honestly think if you went NC from day 1 that she would have came back? Do not be a sucker for her anymore and focus on yourself now. Good luck getting your stuff back, it will only be weird if you let it.

And what else makes me SICK is the thought of her comparing me to her next boyfriend. Telling him about all the ways he's better than me. In actuallity he'll be almost exactly the same as me, just like I was almost exactly like her last boyfriend personality and looks wise. She said the difference was mine and hers "chemistry" especially between the sheets. We we're great in bed together. I heard all about her last boyfriends sexual short comings. I wonder what shortcommings of mine she'll tell the next boyfriend to boost his ego. If I could I would remove every last memory of our relationship from both of our minds. I don't want her remembering me and I sure as hell wish I didn't remember her.

This definitely sounds like excuses she has made up to justify breaking you off completely. My guess is that she has a guilty conscious about the whole situation and wants to point the finger at anybody (you in this case) but herself. Im not saying you are a saint, but I do not think anything you possibly did week would make somebody who truly loves you to "fall out of love" beyond repair. Do you honestly think if you went NC from day 1 that she would have came back? Do not be a sucker for her anymore and focus on yourself now. Good luck getting your stuff back, it will only be weird if you let it.

My thoughts too. I told her she killed our relationship. She told me it was both of us. I told her it was her, because I was willing to work out our problems and she wasn't. I'm not going to let her blame me to make herself feel better. I'm not perfect but at least I was willing to try. Nothing we had was beyond repair. It was her unwillingness to work on it that killed the relationship. She just wants me to be the bad guy.

[QUOTE=jolienoire]

Hate eliminates false hope. And saves you alot of the heartache... Its hard to let go of someone you love. Its easy to drop someone that you hate. Then in a short time you stop caring to even hate the person and just act like they were never in you life. I don't want to hear any of that "she was in your life for a reason" stuff, I just wish she never had been. I really wish to God I had NEVER had her in my life. That I never knew her, never opened up to her, never had the most passionate intimate sex I've ever had with her, I wish she was never in my life. No lessons. No learning from the loss. I just wish it all never happened. I wish the world were so perfect that the first person you met would be your "soul mate" the person you will spend the rest of your life with and that no one in the world ever know heartache. I wish to God I'd NEVER met her and I mean every word of that.


I understand your frustration I have been where you are if not worse, I was married, I have two beautiful children the man I loved so deeply bruised me, he cheated on me a few times, even got married not long after we divorced... I would never tell you anything that I didn't experience... I even met up with my first my high school sweetheart 10 years later, after my divorce and children... In fact we are together... It's like that saying I love the way you love but I hate the way I love you back... Listen to me or read me, but everyone once in their life will experience a heartbreak, Its inevitable, its will happen now or later... better now while you are young where you can bounce back or marry someone and realize that you and this person was never meant to be... You don't see the positive things about loving and losing... but you will see trust me... I am not sugar coating anything for you or giving you false hopes but the reality is that Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated. Trust me... Loving is letting go, if you truly loved her you will be happy whether it is with or without you... I know it sounds cliché, but it is what it is... You will see... But I can't tell you what to feel or how not to feel but know that I been there done that... In a far more uglier situation than you are in and I survived... :-)

Not my first heartache, but certainly the worst. And the thing that stung is hearing the same things said to me that the girl before her said. Now its like, two girls broke up with me reading from the same script and I'm like "what the fuk is wrong with me?!?" Two completely different women say the same things to me. It makes me feel like I'm the problem, even when I know I'm a good guy.

Not my first heartache, but certainly the worst. And the thing that stung is hearing the same exact things said to me that the girl before her said. Now its like, two girls broke up with me reading from the same script and I'm like "what the fuk is wrong with me?!?" Two completely different women say the same things to me. It makes me feel like I'm the problem, even when I know I'm a good guy.


Sounds like their problem to me... nothing is wrong with you... you are who you are... they just couldn't deal with that, how is that your problem all of a sudden there is a woman out there searching for someone just like you... praying to GOD that a man like you come her way... trust me..

Not my first heartache, but certainly the worst. And the thing that stung is hearing the same exact things said to me that the girl before her said. Now its like, two girls broke up with me reading from the same script and I'm like "what the fuk is wrong with me?!?" Two completely different women say the same things to me. It makes me feel like I'm the problem, even when I know I'm a good guy.

Lol, me too!

sounds like their problem to me...nothing is wrong with you... you are who you are... they just couldn't deal with that, how is that your problem all of a sudden their is a woman out there searching for someone just like you... praying to GOD that a man like you come her way... trust me..

When you do get that ONE, you'll thank all those exes for letting you go, I did! Of course you can't see that now, but trust me you will.:eek:

I wish the ex's didn't ever happen. Especially not this one. The one before I loved but wasn't in love with. I was hurt by rejection but over it. I didn't feel like this. This one I was in love with deeply, and it hurts too much. I feel like the past 2 years have been all lies from her. I just wish I'd never met her. I wish to God she was never in my life. How many more times do I have to go through this? Its WORSE every time. I'm closer every time. I only want to love one more person in my life, and have her be the person I marry and grow old with. I don't want to go through this anymore. I want 1 more, and that to be the one for me. No more lies no more heartache. Is it too much to ask God not to let me suffer like this again?! I wish to God I'd never met that girl... Why can't god just once answer my prayer... All things are possible through God, so why can't he just whipe her existence from my memory... I can't stand more heartache... I don't want to remember her and if God won't make me forget her immediately, then I might have to find something else that can...

I wanted to forget everything about my ex too... but I see things differently now, it's hard, but I can look back on all the great times we've had together and kind of be happy, I'm happy they even happened, and yeah, it hurts like hell that I'll have to make new memories with someone else because I really thought we had something special... everything happens and doesn't happen to teach you something... this is called experience. I don't think you should want to completely forget her, but I think you should be thankful that it happened, that you were able to love someone as much as you did...

It's a damn shame what happened, but at least you can look back knowing you tried your best, that you gave it everything you had and more... and if you think you didn't then you shouldn't be this upset, and you should evaluate your performance and try even harder the next time.

I know I gave it my all, and that the reason my ex and I didn't work out was never my fault... how could it be, I gave it everything I had and more, if she doesn't want that anymore then I'm sure there's someone just as cute, just as funny, just as everything she was, if not better! A girl that will be everything I thought my ex was. Im 21, you're 22... its bound to happen that we will both meet that girl.

And I really hope Tal is right when he says that one day ill be thankful she kicked me to the curb... as far as I can see, Tal hasn't really steered anyone wrong yet, so I believe him, and you should too.

I have no fulfillment in my life, I hate school, it's a means to an end i.e. a job. I hate my just because I feel insignifigant and I know I will never "make a difference" doing what I do. My life makes no ones better. My family and friends could do without me if I never existed. They don't need me. Happy to have me, but not need me. Love me, but not need me. I thought the girlfriend needed me. It made me feel like my life actually was making someone else's better just being in it. She proves she don't need me either. I am not needed. I serve no devine purpose. I feel empty, even since I was a lot younger. My life is pointless unless my life makes other people's better. I don't get any fullfilment doing things for myself. Nothing I do for myself makes me feel good. It makes me feel guilty. And when other people do something good for me, I feel guilty. What the hell is wrong with me?! My life feels pointless. My life has felt pointless most of the years I've been living it...

I wanted to forget everything about my ex too... but i see things differently now, it's hard, but i can look back on all the great times we've had together and kind of be happy, im happy they even happened, and yeah, it hurts like hell that i'll have to make new memories with someone else because i really thought we had something special... everything happens and doesn't happen to teach you something... this is called experience. i dont think you should want to completely forget her, but i think you should be thankful that it happened, that you were able to love someone as much as you did...

Its a damn shame what happened, but at least you can look back knowing you tried your best, that you gave it everything you had and more... and if you think you didn't then you shouldn't be this upset, and you should evaluate your performance and try even harder the next time.

I know i gave it my all, and that the reason my ex and i didn't work out was never my fault... how could it be, i gave it everything i had and more, if she doesn't want that anymore then im sure theres someone just as cute, just as funny, just as everything she was, if not better! a girl that will be everything i thought my ex was. Im 21, you're 22... its bound to happen that we will both meet that girl.

And i really hope Tal is right when he says that one day ill be thankful she kicked me to the curb... as far as i can see, Tal hasn't really steered anyone wrong yet, so i believe him, and you should too.

As far as I'm concerned I would have rather skipped this one, and the last one, and just gotten to the important one. I mean the one that will last. I would rather have gotten all my experience growing with "the one." Skip all the ones that aren't permanent. I HATE dating. Even in high school my friends all told me all I wanted was a wife. I just want permenancy. To me that is living my life. To me my life is going to be the day I start a family. All this other crap is just delays and worthless pain. I never pushed this on my exgirlfriends, but inside this has always been my desire. I'm sick of being hurt and I'm ready to be done with being hurt.

Someone Help Me Please!!

Someone Help Me Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


What's the problem now?

I'm seriously considering spending the next few months high on cocaine and prozac right now. I don't want to feel. I don't want to remember. I want to be numb...

It's that the problem hasn't stopped... I keep slipping into near panic attacks because of today. I've slept 2 hours in the past 48 hours. I'm shaking and nervous and jittery and I don't know...

I'm seriously considering spending the next few months high on cocaine and prozac right now. I don't want to feel. I don't want to remember. I want to be numb....

The world will still be here when you come down, so what's the point. You have learned a valuable lesson here, you need coping skills.

I'm seriously considering spending the next few months high on cocaine and prozac right now. I don't want to feel. I don't want to remember. I want to be numb....


It's really not worth taking it that far then no will want you... it is so important that you keep busy somehow, do something for yourself what do you usually do for fun?

Well before the girlfriend I didn't have much fun. My friends aren't fun. I don't enjoy the things they enjoy. The only reason I'm still their friend is that they are like brothers to me (2 guys). You're brothers aren't always nessesarily fun but they always have your back. One would have me play video games with him and his girlfriend all day, the other would want me to sit around and drink and watch movies with him, or go to the pub. I don't want to sit around, drinking or playing video games, and I don't want to go to the pub because of birthday plans I had with the ex (her 21st) in April where I was going to take her (Its 21 and up only). If I drink it'll only make my emotions worse. I don't even want to deal with my emotions. I just want to ignore them. I don't want to know they are there. I don't want to feel them. Long story short, I didn't have much fun outside of being with girls. I HATE dating. I LOVE relationships. And I find myself boring. I don't enjoy hobbies. I don't enjoy clubbing. I don't enjoy sports (playing). I don't have fun by myself. I don't have fun hanging out with the guys. The only thing I've enjoyed doing in the single life is socializing with women. And in my new job and school there are ZERO women. I'm not saying I want to start dating. I just wish I had women to talk to and have fun with. I get along better with them. I'm not good at meeting new people and I wouldn't know where to start. I don't know what to do now.

The world will still be here when you come down, so whats the point. You have learned a valuable lesson here, you need coping skills.

But I wouldn't have to deal with it right now... I've never done those things before, but I'm sure tempted to start. I don't cope well. I am a creature of habit. I can't stand my environment to be disrupted. I hate change. I don't adapt well. Now I just had a huge part of my world up and leave. I don't know that I can hold the rest up. I don't know that I even want to. I have no fullfilment in my life. I hate my career. I have nothing else.

I hate dating too... "relationship west" I think was my ideal form, I was friendlier, always happy, felt secure... my life felt like I was walking around with a +100 points on my head... I adore stability, and I loved knowing that someone loved and needed me...

The thing is... sh!t happens... things rarely work out the way you want them too, and I think Tal is right, you need to learn some coping skills... drugs never make anything better... you might as well give up, but why would you want too? Not only will you learn nothing, but you'll seem really weak. I hate to say this man, but things won't get better if you're constantly down about yourself...

Besides, it hasn't been very long at all, you need to give yourself time, forgive yourself for making mistakes, and most importantly; love yourself.

It's really not worth taking it that far then no will want you... it is so important that you keep busy somehow, do something for yourself what do you usually do for fun?

No one may want me, but at that point I wouldn't even care. I have nothing that keeps me busy. I can't occupy my mind with anything. Work, exercise, school, friends, none of them occupy my mind. I can go through the motions but my brain can't stop focusing on what's lost. I want to shut my brain off. Shut my heart off. I don't know how. I'm desperate to get away from them. I don't want to deal with them. I just want to go through the motions of life for a while without having worries or thoughts or pain. I wish to God I'd never even met her. That way I would not have to go through any pain. The time with her wasn't worth the result. No amount of happiness is worth the pain of losing it. I don't want the next girl I get serious with to be just another girlfriend. I just want the next one to be my future wife so I won't have to go through this again.

All right dude, first thing you have to do is relax. Take a deep breath, relax, and get a hold of yourself.

I know how you feel, in fact pretty much everyone on this forum knows how you feel. Losing such an important person in your life is hard. Your whole world is turned upside down and as a result keeping busy can be a real hard thing to do when your mind is still fixated on your ex-girlfriend. Trust me, for the longest time whenever I went to the gym, went to work, or attended class the only thing I think about was my ex. And here I thought keeping busy fixed the problem. Well with time it does because eventually your mind start concentrating on different things.

Listen, you just cannot give up on life because something didn't go the way you wanted it to. Personally I think that every person should have their heart broken at least once because that is the only way you'll know what love is when you do find it. Think about it, if you never suffered any pain, or went through any problems, then you would not be able to truly appreciate the good things that happen to you in life.

I know its hard, but things will get better if you allow them to. An important part of the healing process is for you to be actively engaged in it. Quit moping around being depressed and make an effort to enjoy life. Go out, do something, even if it's a long walk that only includes you and your MP3 player. Write your feelings down, cry if you need to, talk to a friend, or go see a counselor. But above all start working on yourself. The fact that you were in a relationship once means that you are a good guy and will find someone else with time. So don't worry about being alone and nobody wanting you because that is simply not true.

Trust me, work on yourself esteem and once you have real confidence in yourself then a lot of good things in life will start appearing out of nowhere.

I hate dating too... "relationship west" i think was my ideal form, i was friendlier, always happy, felt secure... my life felt like i was walking around with a +100 points on my head... i adore stability, and i loved knowing that someone loved and needed me...

That pretty much describes my comfort zone. My happy place if you will. Especially the being needed part. Not only by a significant other, but by anyone. Feeling needed makes me feel better. It just doesn't really count from family cause its not enough and doesn't give me the emotional high I crave.


the thing is... sh!t happens... things rarely work out the way you want them too, and i think Tal is right, you need to learn some coping skills... drugs never make anything better... you might as well give up, but why would you want too? not only will you learn nothing, but you'll seem really weak. i hate to say this man, but things wont get better if you're constantly down about yourself...

Yeah sh!t happens. And I don't always feel like dealing with it. And I'm tired of all the sh!t life throws at me. Life needs to just back off and give me a break. The best part of my life in my eyes, i.e. innocent childhood, is long over and I really just am sick of real life. Ignorance was bliss. Adults think they have it good but do we really? You spend most of your adult life working. You have the never ending stress of bills and worrying about money. Money of all stupid things. On top of that, "love" which is supposed to be happiness is also just work. At what point do you get to sit back and enjoy life? When your old. When you have fewer days ahead of you than behind you. When more and more parts are breaking down. This makes me weak, then so be it. I'm at a breaking point right now and the break up is pushing me over the edge. I'm just in an emotional sh!t storm today. Tomorrow will be calmer. Let me have my breakdown today... this is about support. She stopped supporting me. No one else is but you, all of you. Tomorrow give me the sh!t happens speech. Or the next day. Please don't remind me of it when I'm already emotionally crashing.


besides, it hasn't been very long at all, you need to give yourself time, forgive yourself for making mistakes, and most importantly; love yourself.

No it hasn't been long at all. Today was the end point. Today was when I reached my emotional breaking point. Time is the last thing I want. I don't want to take time to heal, I want to be done healing. I'm incapable of forgiving myself. In all things. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders because I put it there and am not willing to put it down. I wear 22 years of guilt and regret on me like a badge of honor. I still feel guilty about things I did in kindergarten. My guilt is by cross to bear in life. It is the way God made me. I feel guilt over happiness. When I lose happiness I feel I deserve it. I don't love myself and I never have. I feel guilt for being loved. I feel guilt for gratitude. I feel guilt for people feeling pride in me. I feel guilty for taking pride in myself.

You want to know what about this sweet guy drives women away? They see the above as their fault. I may be having fun and being happy with them. My guilt is what they eventually see. The smile on my face. My laugh. The twinkle in my eye looking at someone special. They don't see it after a time. They just see a life time of burden on my shoulders and they are afraid they will add to it. I am Atlas holding the sky from falling on the world. I see a woman that I care about as a beautiful constellation shining brightest in the sky I hold up. That woman sees herself as more weight for me to bear.

Thanks for listening guys at this hard time. I didn't mean to come off as ungrateful if I just did. Actually quite the opposite. I just had to vent because as I said, I am in an emotional sh!t storm at the moment.

Let it all out dude. We are hear to listen and offer advice. If you have more to say just say it. Our goal is to help you get through this.

As a side note, my ex-girlfriend also broke up with me the weekend before finals week. Which was a week before Christmas. At this point I just can't help but laugh at how things went from bad, to worse, and finally to horrible.

I think I'm unable to cry anymore. I can count the times I cried in the past 10 years on two hands. Twice was with my ex-girlfriend during particularly bad fights. Once each for my grandfather's death, my cousin's death, death of each of my 2 childhood dogs. Once fighting with my dad, twice fighting with my mom. I can remember each time. Is that bad? Is there something wrong with me? Its not that I don't want to cry, I just can't. I want to so much but I can't. Who only crys 9 times in 10 years? Instead I feel my emotions eating at me on the inside and I can't express them outwardly. Have I gotten so used to my guilt and pain I put on myself, I've become almost dead to expressing my emotions? I want to cry for her. To get it out one cry at a time. I can't. My luck it will come the moment I don't want it to, i.e. when I see her this Friday to exchange our stuff. I don't want her to see that. I'm afraid of her reaction. Would she stoicly sit there watching me ball my eyes out? Would she cry too? I don't want either one.

Go ahead and let it all out dude. We are hear to listen and offer advice. If you have more to say just go ahead and say it. Our goal is to help you get through this.

As a side note, my ex-girlfriend also broke up with me the weekend before finals week. Which was a week before Christmas. At this point I just can't help but laugh at how things went from bad, to worse, and finally to horrible.


Mine too...

The most common thing I see on here is late 20 to newly 21 year old girls dumping slightly older guys. All with the "want to be free" excuse. To me this seems directly related to truing 21 and drinking in the states. They gain freedom to drink and seek freedom to do it without you worrying about them. Then they try on the party dude who will drink with them and not care if they get fitshaced. Even the good girls. Especially the good girls. I say No good guy should date a girl in this age range. The second most common one I see is college graduation age, and third high school graduation age. Is finding real love really that impossible in the late teens early 20's age? More often its women at this age leaving men than vice versa, but the men that leave are typically the type that weren't in it for the long haul to begin with. With women at these 3 stages its like a switch goes off. And all us nice caring sensitive romantic loving guys get screwed.

I keep wondering if I had just gone NC from day 1 if she would have come back to me. I know it wouldn't have made a difference. Her decision was made before she started the break. I couldn't have done anything about it. Could I have? I just kept it from getting drug out right? Was this my fault? I was powerless wasn't I? I couldn't have prevented this could I? No right? She said that she needed me and I stopped being there for her. She says she always needed me and I wasn't there for her. That I drove her away. Is this my fault? Could I have done anything?

I don't believe in soulmates, "the one", or anything like that anymore. People either work at their relationship or they don't. If one or both don't they fall apart and both people get hurt. There's not that girl out there that I'm "supposed to be with." Your with someone because you believe in working together, not that your "supposed to be together" No two people are supposed to be together. Either they work at it or they don't.

The ex used to call me soulmate, the one, and all that BS. Even ending things she said if we're "supposed to be together" we'll find our way back to each other. She told me not to throw away or sell her promise ring I got her and will take back on Friday. She said, "in case I realize I'm making a huge mistake". She Insisted she had no interrest in being in a relationship and just wanted to be alone but eventually would want a relationship again. I told her to stop and not do that to me. Don't give me false hopes. But the words were out there... the damage was done... I don't think I could sell the ring anyway emotionally. It's going in a box buried deep in my closet with stuff I couldn't part with from past relationships. I can't believe she went and gave them all false hopes. My mind tells me that's what they are... my heart won't let go of them...

Well I cried... at work... in the bathroom... I cried. I don't feel any better... when we agreed to exchange things on Friday, she said she didn't want to fight me... I told her we both just won't say anything... no last hug good bye, no begging, no asking what went wrong, no crying just a quick exchange and gone... I doubt that's how it will happen... I'm scared to death of what seeing her will do to me...

Its not easy mate. It's a tough time, but it sounds like you need to let her go, even if that's the last thing you want to do.

Try as hard as you can to do it and be strong when you see her on Friday. You are the man here, nothing wrong with being sensitive etc, but try and be strong Friday, and as hard as it is, things will get better for you. Everyone on here has been through it or is going through it.

Its absolute crap, but you're a good guy and there will be someone out there who is in the right stage of their life to want to share it with you.

This girl needs to sort her head out. Best thing for that is go your separate ways and try and enjoy your own lives. If you meet again, you meet again, but do not have the false hope for this.

Try try try to focus on you, and don't say that you do not make a difference in peoples lives or they don't need you etc, as I'm sure you have some good points to offer.

Don't beat yourself up, get back off the canvas ready to fight again!

I feel so alone right now...

Its not easy mate. Its a tough time, but it sounds like you need to let her go, even if thats the last thing you want to do.

Try as hard as you can to do it and be strong when you see her on friday. you are the man here, nothing wrong with being sensitive etc, but try and be strong friday, and as hard as it is, things will get better for you. everyone on here has been through it or is going through it.

its absolute crap, but your a good guy and there will be someone out there who is in the right stage of their life to want to share it with you.

this girl needs to sort her head out. best thing for that is go your separate ways and try and enjoy your own lives. if you meet again, you meet again, but do not have the false hope for this.

try try try to focus on you, and don't say that you do not make a difference in peoples lives or they don't need you etc, as i'm sure you have some good points to offer.

don't beat yourself up, get back off the canvas ready to fight again!

I don't even have any future hopefuls... I have zero women in my life and no oppertunities to meet any... I'm not wanting to jump back into the dating scene right now anyway, but it would be encouraging to at least have some potentials... and maybe even justy a little friendly compainionship... that's how me and my ex became friends I was getting over a previous break and befriended her... 8 months later got the nerve to ask her out... and well you know two years after that... Now I don't even have opportunity to meet women... even seeking friendship...

You paint such a dark picture, because your hurting, but the truth is as we feel better, we start looking again. So will you, and you'll be wiser, and smarter. I like what you said about the 21 year olds, who must find themselves, yeah that's about right, but now you know, and will be more careful, and cautious in the future.

I don't know where to look. And I don't know what finding yourself means... I hear it and have no idea what it means. I know who I am, faults and all... how does one lose themselves to begin with?

I don't know where to look. And I don't know what finding yourself means....... I hear it and have no idea what it means. I know who I am, faults and all.... how does one lose themselves to begin with?

You lose yourself by wrapping so much of yourself, into someone else. When they leave, there seems to be nothing left. You made her your life, instead of part of it. That's what you need to address at this time. Filling that hole in your soul, now that she is gone. You do that, by getting a life that you enjoy without her in it, and learn to love yourself, and be happy with who you are. Simple, but requires a lot of work, so quit crying, and get busy getting your life back! That's up to you and the sooner you let it go, and love yourself, the better you will feel. If you had been a little less in love with her, and more in love with you, you would have seen this coming, and wouldn't be in the shock you are now. Get busy.

then look at your life look for tomorrow, look at today forget the past buddy... trust me I was in the same state you are in right fukin now and... I made goals for myself... not going to let that cu^t bring you down, your better than her and I know your better that that... your going to miss her... hell I still miss my ex... but its not up to you to bring her back its up to her and if she doesn't want to be with you then then she's not the girl for you... would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?? All you need is time bro... time is you enemy now use it as your advantage... I know how you feel I'm going through the same thing... I know you think "i dident give all my love for this bul feeling" but what can you do... thats life.. up and downs, downs and ups... its how you deal with the downs that get you through this life...

I understand your hurt Carib, but language buddy ha ha... I agree with your post SJB, the late 20 early 21 age range is spot on. Me and my ex were great together, everyone saw marriage in our future.. The "perfect couple" is what we were always told. But there were other plans, she used the excuse I was too jealous, so I went out and got help, but then got the "I just need to be alone with my friends, I don't want to date anyone else" and now she's dating some of guy. But what will be, will be. Our whole life is already planned out for us, we have no say in the matter. You could have stopped talking to her on day 1 and it would have made no difference at all. She is trying to lift the guilt of her shoulders by saying "if you didn't do this, I would have come back" BULL! Sure you feel like hell now, but soon you look back and realize what an idiot you were for acting like this, sure it's understandable to be hurt over a broken heart. I'm still hurting over it and it's been 2 months. I'm sure Confused is in my same boat, we still hurt but it is starting to get better with each passing day. If you need to find comfort in anything, find comfort in yourself. No girl is going to want to date a guy who can't stand on his own two feet, we as males(sorry ladies) are always looked as the strong one. So take this time, mourn the loss of your love and remember this, if it's meant to be, god will find a way to bring it back. If it wasn't meant to be, god will send you someone even better. Here's a great quote for you that gets me by every day

"God places the heaviest burden on those who can carry its weight"

I'm still me with her or with out her. I didn't lose myself. I just had no other sources of joy in my life. She made the bad parts bearable. Now with out her, I'm seeing what I have been trying to ignore for the past 9 months. I hate my career and I can't do anything about it. I don't want to do what I went to school for the past 3 years learning to do. I'm massively in debt. I hate what I'm studying in school but am 3 quarters from graduation. I hate my job. I get no gratification in my life. I know its not a relationship question, but what can I do? I hate my life. I've every part of my life except her. What can I do? I feel like I'm living a meaningless existence and I Don't MEAN BECAUSE SHE LEFT. My professional life is meaningless to me. I don't know what to do. What can I do?

Very sorry if I offended anyone with my obscenities... I was in the state SJB is in not even a week ago and it hurt a lot.. it still does... I was just trying to say him what I wished someone would have said to me... sorry again

No worries Carib... I just thought maybe some women would take offense to it. But of course, everyone of us thinks their ex is certain things. Even if they don't want to admit it, because ask Tal.. When I first came on here, I was "it's all my fault, my ex was perfect" and now looking back at some of those posts, oh how stupid I feel. She had just as many faults.

Also SJB, never regret something that once made you happy. Sure, she may have left you in this state of disarray and sadness but seriously, it's not the end of the world. You want to get even with her? Become a better person and show her you are better off without her.

Learn the lessons before you. Just as intense feeling of rejection, can make you doubt yourself, and the whole world, so to can intense feeling of attraction, hide the truth about your partners, and that is why taking it very slow and getting to really know someone, is the way to go. After a break up, quick, clean, and complete to let it go, works best.

I am attempting to get ahold of an old friend for help. She goes to a church I have been interrested in attending and I think a little faith and reconnection with the lord is just what I need. I'm really just interrested in havig a friend to go with and support me and maybe help me find my way back to the love of God. I cannot heal my soul alone, but through God all things are possible. With Him and the support of my friend, other friends, and family can start on the road to recovery.

God I am so SICK of this... I spent over 70 hours with only 4 hours of sleep spread out over it due to a combination of not being able to sleep because of her, having school projects I couldn't focus on that I waited on till the last minute cause of thinking about her, and having to go to school and work. Well I called into work cause I was exhausted. I took a sleeping pill thinking That would assure me that I wouldn't wake up till at least my body was rested. I crashed. Well I went to bed a little after 10pm and just woke up unable to sleep thinking and dreaming of her at 3:40am... I was up over 70 hours with almost no sleep and I take a sleeping pill and I still can't get a fell nights rest.

Yo SJB look at what your doing to yourself... I too have experienced the can't sleep thinking about her bul!crap, but sleeping pills is not the answer... you can get hooked to that man... you got to clear your head go for a walk, for a drive... when I can't sleep I just hit the gym for like 2 hrs or so, work out till I can't anymore till my body pains so I concentrate less on my heart pains or I play the ps3 my ex bought me for Christmas anything to keep my mind off her... I know its hard but in 2 weeks I guarantee u'll still pain but not as much as before. Nothing but time mang!

yo SJB look at what ur doing to yourself....i too have experienced the can't sleep thinkin bout her bul!crap, but sleeping pills is not the answer...you can get hooked to that man.... you gotta clear your head go for a walk, for a drive... when i can't sleep i just hit the gym for like 2 hrs or so, work out till i can't anymore till my body pains soo i concentrate less on my heart pains or i play the ps3 my ex bought me for Christmas anything to keep my mind off her... i know its hard but in 2 weeks i guarantee u'll still pain but not as much as before. nothin but time mang!

Don't worry Carib I'm not taking them every night and my doctor says they're nonaddictive. Just took it last night needing one good nights rest. Couldn't even get that...

Take their advice, SJ, a good strenuous exercise session, and a hot shower and two aspirin is all you need, and you will sleep like a baby. IT WORKS!! Years ago cycling, and pick up basketball, saved my sanity, and got me through a break up of a 3 year relationship, that I thought would last forever.

Well I have arranged to go to church with my friend and her boyfriend this Sunday. She's going to show me where it is and show me what the place is like. I'll probably start going regularly by myself if I feel a connection to it. I am going to start seeing a Christian therapist this weekend to help me deal with this and my other emotional problems such as dissatisfaction with my career and my overall depression that I've had for over 10 years solid. I know my depression, though not always on the surface, has contributed to almost every relationship failure I've had. This one's hitting me the hardest.

Today I wrote a goodbye letter to my ex. Not a begging to please be with me letter. Not a "this is what happened and here's how we can fix it" letter. Not a false hope letter (ok that's a bit of a lie). Just a letter telling her what I've seen in her. That I can tell she has a void in her where she doesn't love herself. She hates herself, has low self esteem, and doesn't know how beautiful she is. I told her that she tried to fill the void up with me, but that's not my place to fill. I told her she's going to try and fill it with partying, but in the end that won't either. I told her the only place she can look is in herself when she was ready. I told her that just like she was with me, it won't matter how great a relationship is, if she doesn't love herself she'll never be happy with anyone. I am still trying to convince myself to take that advice. I then gave a long talk about fate and God's plan and told her that there was nothing I could have done, even if I was perfect to prevent her from feeling this at this point in her life. Told her I I had already tried to fill my own void with partying and drinking before I even met her and that I only came out feeling more empty. Told her this is something she will only find out by experiencing it. Then built myself up with a few false hopes that will fade in time by saying that we have no idea what the plan is for each of us and that we might even be guided back together again after we both grow up some and learn to love ourselves. I told her I wouldn't keep in touch with her but if in the future her heart tells her to contact me to not be afraid. I know this is one of those mistakes that will hurt me more while I heal, but I will heal none the less guys. For a time, I'll be expecting her to come back, but I'll eventually give up on that I know. I told her I wasn't going to wait around for her, but then again I don't know where I'll be in my life. Anyway, I told her Goodbye. Not see you later. Not hope to see you again. I told her goodbye. I'm giving her the letter in the small box of stuff I'm giving back to her. I probably won't hear a response to it, but at least I feel better getting it all out of my head and onto paper. I slept a good 5 hours almost peacefully after writing it then had to get up for work. This Friday is goodbye for good I know, but I'm still going to hold on to misguided hope for a while until I heal more. I'm not looking forward to it, because I will have nothing left to hold on to after. I can't wait for it so that I can put it behind me and start healing. Even if she doesn't read the letter at least I got it out of my head. Even if she does read it, it won't be the magic words that will undo all this, but at least its not stewing in my head. It'll most likely be the last thing I ever say to her and I'm actually glad that I'm being nice in my final words to her.

Guys I'm just so afraid of what comes next. Of being alone. Of not being with her. We weren't perfect, you could sell tickets to our fights, but we spent most of our time being happy with each other. I have such a hard time grasping that this could happen. I'm scared of what comes next. I'm afraid of not eventually finding someone. I don't want to be alone. If I knew the magic words to make her come back I would. There are no magic words though. I'm scared of what comes next. I'm scared and I dread life after her. I have no choice. But I'm scared to death. For the first time in my life I have fallen and don't have anyone to help me stand back up. I'm afraid.

I'm actually in high spirts at the moment. I decided not to give her the letter. It could only do more harm than good. (It was 7 Freakin Pages Long!! ) It was good for me to write it out and get it out of my head though. I'm trusting the Lord right now. No matter what happens I'm trusting Him. I'm praying to Him truly for the first time in this. And I feel better today. I was even laughing with one of my friends. I had a deep talk to a close friend at work and I decided the best way to attempt to salvage things and also more importantly came to peace with God and turned to Him to give me the strength patience and peace I will need to get through no matter what the outcome. I have accepted that even if she does not end up in my life God knows what's best for me and will guide me on the path to happiness. Also, today I feel a little more at peace with myself.

Guys I'm just so afraid of what comes next. Of being alone. Of not being with her. We wern't perfect, you could sell tickets to our fights, but we spent most of our time being happy with eachother. I have such a hard time grasping that this could happen. I'm scared of what comes next. I'm afraid of not eventually finding someone. I don't want to be alone. If I knew the magic words to make her come back I would. There are no magic words though. I'm scared of what comes next. I'm scared and I dread life after her. I have no choice. But I'm scared to death. For the first time in my life I have fallen and don't have anyone to help me stand back up. I'm afraid.

Don't worry bud... DONT BE AFRAID!. I bet you were alone before you met her and I bet you were fine being alone... you say your going to go to church, then you will always have God at your side no matter how lonely you are he's always be with you... you just have to get good at being alone make time to do stuff when you have nothing to do... re watch favorite movie re read favorite book or get new books watever just fill your day with plans... make plans for yourself say today I'm going to do this tomorrow I'm going to do that... think about yourself not her... if you have to think, think about you future goals... I bet you have some... mine is to pay off school loans and save then go back to school to do a course I really want to do... right now that all I think about... I still think about being alone and being without her, but you have to realize all that you can count on in life is yourself... work on being a better person... that what trying to do now... its going to be hard for you as it was for all of us... God has a big plan for you! :p

I'm actually in high spirts at the moment. I decided not to give her the letter. It could only do more harm than good. (It was 7 Freakin Pages Long!!!!) It was good for me to write it out and get it out of my head though. I'm trusting the Lord right now. No matter what happens I'm trusting Him. I'm praying to Him truely for the first time in this. And I feel better today. I was even laughing with one of my friends. I had a deep talk to a close friend at work and I decided the best way to attempt to salvage things and also more importantly came to peace with God and turned to Him to give me the strength patience and peace I will need to get through no matter what the outcome. I have accepted that even if she does not end up in my life God knows whats best for me and will guide me on the path to happiness. Also, today I feel a little more at peace with myself.


See your on the right track already!

I love it, when those that come here in complete misery and pain, and confusion, finally show a glimmer of hope. SJ, you will never know how I have hoped you would start getting yourself back, and as you get stronger, I surely expect a lot from you, because I know where your coming from, but for now, I like your plan for yourself, and NOT mailing that letter, was a real sign, that you can stand alone, and face the life your heading for. You are definitely on the right path.

Good for you for not sending that letter. You're right, chances are, it will do more harm than good. Why? Because you'll send the letter, she may/may not respond. If she responds, her response will send you into an emotional abyss. If she doesn't respond, you'll be up nights wondering why she didn't respond... what she thought about your letter... etc.

Caribman is right... you were fine before you were with her, and you'll be fine now.

Try and listen to the people on this forum (big ups to tal). They've all been through exactly what you went through (Ihatewestseneca, freakinconfused, romefalls, and I just recently went through it... all in the past 2 months). Keep yourself busy, and do what makes you happy on a daily basis.

Baby steps. They work.

Aw, you young guys, make the not as young guy, feel good, for sure.

I don't get it, why do so many girls do this to good guys. Why do they throw away something good like this? Happened to me and so many other good guy friends. Then when I talk to older girl-friends who are like 28ish. (im 19) they tell me they have done things like this in their past where they throw good guys away for reasons like this. And now they regret it because they're alone and what not. They say they regret it now because they were good guys with no faults but being too good to them etc. I don't get like what goes through a girl's head to throw away something so awesome. All I can think of is good guys finish last..

SJB1701E: I'm really glad to hear that you can finally see that light at the end of the tunnel. Even though it may be a little faint at the moment, you can see that the light is there. Awesome job, and whatever you do just keep moving forward, even if something is standing in the way.

Rome: Sorry for the late response but yeah looks like we both are in the same time frame with regards to ex-girlfriends. It's been a little more then 2 months and I still miss my ex. But I'm not going to let that stop me from enjoying my life.

I don't get it, why do so many girls do this to good guys.
They are young, and don't know what they really want.
They are not ready, for what they have


All I can think of is good guys finish last..

Good guys never lose, because they never quit.

Confused - Exactly how I see it, I only get one crack at life, so I'm going to live to the full. With or without her(stupid U2 song) and whatever comes along the way, I'm going to take it and run with it. Its weird, 2 months ago I would NEVER have thought I would be this far along on the recovery trail. I thought "I'll be crying for months upon months"

Tal - YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT... Good guys don't quit, we get bumped and bruised along the way but eventually we get it right in the end. Meanwhile the women who have caused that hurting feel stupid for letting a good thing go when they find that a-hole guy they thought was so great

Good guys never lose, because they never quit.

I quit.

... ahhh just kidding. Even if I wanted to quit and just say screw women... I just love them a bit too much.

Good guys never lose, because they never quit.

I love that. You are absolutely right. This will be added to my list of important quotations.

On top of that, I agree that part of the problem is that a lot of women just don't realize what a great thing they have until they've been through life's lessons (it's just not women, men also do this). A lot of it has to do with the simple fact that we are just young. Think about it, a lot of people going through these situations are between the ages of 20 and 25, the time in our life that we change the most and as a result are trying to "find ourselves." Some of us already know what we want because we have matured a lot quicker. Unfortunately, there are very few people at this stage in life who actually know what they want in life, specifically in a partner, so a lot of us end up getting hurt because they still need to grow up. In reality though, these individuals who walk out of our lives might be doing us a big favor. They are inadvertently allowing us to live our life to the fullest before we settle down. In the process we become stronger and better individuals.

Who exactly decideds what "living life to the fullest" is? I don't know what it is. To me I felt that's what I was doing. To me being in love is living life to the fullest. I Remember single life and no, I wasn't happy diring it. It went through most of high school single. I was single for over 8 months before being with my newly made ex. I wasn't happy during those times. I didn't enjoy life during those times. This isn't me looking back through my window of despair, I really just didn't ever enjoy being single or the single life. To me its not fun and not enjoyable. I'm perfectly capable of being alone. I just don't think it's the best life has to offer. I don't think that being alone is living life to the fullest.

Who exactly decideds what "living life to the fullest" is? I don't know what it is. To me I felt thats what I was doing. To me being in love is living life to the fullest. I Remember single life and no, I wasn't happy diring it. It went through most of highschool single. I was single for over 8 months before being with my newly made ex. I wasn't happy during those times. I didn't enjoy life during those times. This isn't me looking back through my window of despair, I really just didn't ever enjoy being single or the single life. To me its not fun and not enjoyable. I'm perfectly capable of being alone. I just don't think its the best life has to offer. I don't think that being alone is living life to the fullest.



Living life to the fullest just means living life to your potential no matter what the circumstances are.. Pure love is a willingness to give without a thought of receiving anything in return...
Well life is what you make it, you can choose what makes you happy and what gets you upset, so you would rather be in a unfulfilled relationships? And keep going through heart ache and heart break or you would rather be alone and wait for the right person to come along? Well I'll tell you one thing for certain you can't look for happiness in others all the time because people will dissapoint you. One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
Charles Swindoll

Who exactly decideds what "living life to the fullest" is? I don't know what it is. To me I felt thats what I was doing. To me being in love is living life to the fullest. I Remember single life and no, I wasn't happy diring it. It went through most of highschool single. I was single for over 8 months before being with my newly made ex. I wasn't happy during those times. I didn't enjoy life during those times. This isn't me looking back through my window of despair, I really just didn't ever enjoy being single or the single life. To me its not fun and not enjoyable. I'm perfectly capable of being alone. I just don't think its the best life has to offer. I don't think that being alone is living life to the fullest.

I know living alone is not 'living life to the fullest'.. but what most are trying to say is to retreat and regain your energy to carry on without totally secluding yourself. Even a boxer has to sit on that stool between bouts to collect himself and see what he is doing wrong or what he is doing right - depending on the opponent. Get the picture?

You will do fine, learn more about yourself, grow in assessing your taste in type and style of women right for you. That is something we all learn, we women too. I've made mistakes in my choice of men's looks, attitude and jobs and it took a while (and also a few bouts of verbal and physical abuse) to realize my choice of men was very wrong in my young and dumb days.
But that did not stop me from still going out to the club, concerts with friends, bowling, parties, and just plain hanging around - and those diversions were also fun. It got me to appreciate music styles, different foods, books, movies, what my favorite sports were - without a man giuding me to the taste he would have.

That is part of learning to live life to the 'fullest' by growing and developing your own tastes in everything - to include women.

So, don't stay alone at home and mope.. keep on going out and don't give up, no matter what. 'Fill' up that life of yours with as much experience in all that is available - that's the meaning of it.

All the best, dear, and keep us posted.

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You live life to the fullest, because you have no control, over what life brings, or what others do. You need to love yourself, and learn what makes you happy. Part of your whole problem, as I see it is, you had your happiness all wrapped up in someone else, and when they left, your happiness went with it. Its important to balance your life, and be responsible for your own happiness. I've been married for more than 30 years, and have learned to cope with life, and get the most from it, without depending on my wife, for me to be happy. She feels the same, and does the things that make her happy, and we both share that happiness with each other. Its always been that way, and always will be. Get beyond your past, and love yourself first, and attract someone that loves themselves, and you can share. Building a life that you enjoy, is the best way to go, so start learning to love yourself. Or drown in your own shat! Your choice.

You live life to the fullest, because you have no control, over what life brings, or what others do. You need to love yourself, and learn what makes you happy. Part of your whole problem, as I see it is, you had your happiness all wrapped up in someone else, and when they left, your happiness went with it. Its important to balance your life, and be responsible for your own happiness. I've been married for more than 30 years, and have learned to cope with life, and get the most from it, without depending on my wife, for me to be happy. She feels the same, and does the things that make her happy, and we both share that happiness with each other. Its always been that way, and always will be. Get beyond your past, and love yourself first, and attract someone that loves themselves, and you can share. Building a life that you enjoy, is the best way to go, so start learning to love yourself. Or drown in your own shat! Your choice.

I still don't quite get the living life to the fullest part. I don't know how to do this. I'm just riding through life and just have to take the cards I'm dealt. I don't have any control, I'm just riding along till the end. It not that I wasn't able to enjoy things outside of her or have a part of my life that was separate from her. Just now, I don't enjoy those things anymore. I have stopped hanging out with my friends. At least my "regular" friends. Right now they just annoy me and piss me off. I have made plans with friends I haven't seen in a long time, but I don't know how that will go either. I don't enjoy the things that I only 2 weeks ago loved doing. Those things annoy me and I don't want to do them now. Sorry if today, I'm going to be the pit of despair but today was the last time I will ever see her. It is over now and for the first time in all this I feel its truly over. I have lost my last shread of self denial to hold onto and today I truly feel as though I have nothing to hold on to and no where to go.

Trust in God, life your life as best you can, and I guarantee things will happen for you. Good things. Just got to throw yourself out there sometimes. And still please try to be patient with yourself, its been about 2 months of NC for me and right now, things are really looking up... And most importantly, I don't really want her anymore. So hang in there SJB! We are all here for you!

Of course your down now as all this is so fresh to you, but it will get better at least that's what everyone, including myself, says.

I agree IHW, you have to make things happen yourself. Nothing in life is ever a hand out, you need to put yourself out there in order for things to happen. Take the good with the bad, bad with the good. Things will get better, trust us, we speak from experience

Well I am going to tell you the latest story. This is the last chapter between me and my ex. I emailed her Wednesday night. It was just an apology for how I've acted through all this and an offer to listen to her if she needed to talk (offer was only good through today). Thursday she instant messaged me after reading the email and said she really appreciated what I had said, but that I wasn't the bad guy in this. My email had the desired effect of the time, to get her to lower her defenses and talk to me without arguing. She called me and we talked for over 2 hours. We laughed a little bit over old times, talked about our feelings in this. She kept saying she didn't want me out of her life and was afraid of losing me forever. I responded that she couldn't have her cake and eat it too. I asked for the "promise ring" back and she said she really didn't want to give it back. I told her it and me are a package deal. She asked me what I was going to do with it and said she was afraid of me selling it or throwing it away. I told her I would pack it up with the other stuff I'm getting back and that I wouldn't do anything with it "for now". She was concerned with the "for now" and I said I have no way of knowing what the furture will bring (Implying the broader picture in that statement). She said she still loves and cares about me very much. I told her I do care about her to, but that its "not my place" to worry about her anymore. I told her I thought she had a better chance of finding what she's looking for if she turns to God for help rather than "Jack (Daniels), Jim (Bean), and Johnnie (Walker)". I told her I understand what she's going through and I don't hold it against her. She said she forgives me for the things I've done in this and that she could never hate me and that she doesn't have anything bad she could say about me or our time together. She wanted to make sure I was going to take care of myself. I told her my plans to go to church and that I am going to see a therapist to help me with the depression I've had for over 10 years or more. She said she always thought my depression was her fault. I told her I've had it for much longer than I've known her. I told her that for a long time I blamed myself for her self esteem issues, but I know now that it wasn't my fault and that hopefully she will find what she needs to feel better about herself just like I am trying to do. I told her I would try and not contact her and just leave her alone. She asked, "Couldn't you call every now and then to see how everythings going?" I told her no and that it would probably be best if she did the same unless she is interrested in seeing if we can start over or if there is an absolute emergency. We got off the phone when she had to go to work.

Now today, the end of the last chapter. Up until the end of this chapter I just kept thinking about the "Break up survival guide" on this site that lists what to do to maximize the chances of her coming back and how to handle it if she don't. My whole plan had been to do my best to leave the desired impression. What happened, while maybe still the desired result, came out a little more real. I woke up at 7:17am. I remember the exact minute. I thought to myself I could use more sleep but couldn't get it. Got up, showered, shaved (for the first time since this happened), and sent her a text, "Call me when you are ready to do this" at around 8:10am. I finished getting ready being so concerned about my appearance you would think I was getting ready for a hot date. I wanted her last image of me to be a clean cut, strong, "takeing care of myself" image. I put a cross around my neck that my dad gave me Wednesday. He has had it most of my life and my grandfather died holding it in his hand. It means a lot to him and I think right now it means even more to me. With the exception of showering, I've had it on since he gave it to me. After I finished getting ready I carefully loaded her things into my car. I went back in my house and kneeled at my bed, the cross in my hand, and prayed. I hit the point where that is all I have left. I prayed for 10 minutes or more. I prayed that God's plan lead her back to me after we both grow. I prayed for her and that God guide her on His path and away from the evils of drinking and drugs. I prayed that he watch over her and protect her if she does choose that dark path and that he lead her out of it. I prayed that if it isn't his plan for us to be together again that he guide us both to the paths to happiness. Lastly I prayed for strength and for Him to give me the words I need to say to her. I then talked to my mom and she told me that no matter what the future holds, that I won't know till it happens. She told me the only thing I can do is let her go. No matter what happens that's the only thing I can do. She also told me to stop thinking about the future and for me to just think about one day at a time. She said that I HAVE to focus on myself now, because it is the only way to heal, and that even if she comes back, if I'm still this emotional train wreck, I wouldn't be able to be with her. I talked to my dad next. He told me that all I can do is pray, and that I have to trust in Him completely. If I don't He can't help me. I prayed one last time and called her shortly after 9am. She was still in bed. I told her that I needed to get this done, because I have other things I need to do today. She told me to come over. I went over, sat in her driveway a minute, and said a last prayer. Any plans I had for "acting" a certain way disappeared then. Any of the things I had scripted in my head disappeared. I wasn't acting anymore, I was real.

She came outside carrying my 2 DVDs I left at her house, a *small* shoebox, and a Freaking HUGE teddybear (bigger around than me) I gave her on our first valentines. I had a large bag full of literally everything she had ever given me, every note, card, and loveletter. Every saved movie stub and concert ticket. Every picture. I also gave her back two picture frame collages she gave me made up of a bunch of pictures of us. The last thing I gave her was something special to me, a ring she had given me (one of hers) that said Amore on it. I had kept it hanging from the rear view mirror of my car with a cross I had bought on a trip to Ireland shortly before dating her. I kept NOTHING. We exchanged stuff and talked to her for about 15 minutes. I tried to say what I had scripted, but it caught in my throat. God was answering my prayers I'm sure. Because what came out wasn't what I had intended to say, but rather the words God wanted me to say. I was strong and composed. I was a mix of Mr. Spock (for you Trek fans) and Peter Gibbons (for you Office Space fans). I was cool, calm, and relatively collected. I checked to make sure the ring I had asked for was in the box and it was. I saw something that was in there that made me choke a bit. It was a heart pendant that she has worn around her neck since early in our relationship. I gave it to her after a time when I did something really stupid and hurtful to her. She wore it on a chain with a simple cross and a "no sex till marriage" ring (that she broke by sleeping with me saying that I was the one she intended on marrying). Every single last time we did, we made love. She never desired anythign else and neither did I. She never took that chain off. She slept and showered with it. That heart and that chain hadn't been off her neck since I gave it to her. I had intended on asking for it back when I gave her the Amore ring, but it was already in the box. This tiny simple thing crushed me more than anything. I put aside that feeling until after I left. As I spoke God put the words in my mouth and gave me the strength to stay strong till it was over. I told her off the bat I wasn't taking the huge bear and that if she didn't want it that she could throw it away. I told her to leave it at the curb. She said she didn't want it thrown away and I told her if I took it that's what would happen to it. She kept it. We talked for about 10-15 minutes, but it seemed like an eternity. I told her I was glad that we had talked the day before and that I thought it did us both good. I told her that I wasn't trying to sound desperate the day before, I was just wanting answers, and I think I got those. I told her I know what she's going through and that I understand. I told her I didn't hold it against her. She started saying if I had given her the week long break she asked for 6 months before, we wouldn't be where we are now. I said that yes, we would be. I told her that this was going to happen one way or another and if she didn't do this she would resent me and maybe even hate me for it. She said she would never hate me. I told her if it made her feel better to blame me she could but that we both know this had to happen. She said she doesn't blame me. (but she's never willing to admit I'm right) She said she was thinking about what I had said the day before. I asked her what she meant and she pointed to the cross around my neck. I said I still believe that He has a better chance of helping her find what she is looking for that alcohol and drugs and that if she prays, He will help her, but that she needs to find her own path. She asked me about the cross and I gave her the short answer that my dad gave it to me and it meant a lot to him. She said that she really felt like sh!t for springing this on me out of the blue and doing this. I simply told her I didn't hold anything against her. I told her I was getting help for my depression from God and professionals and that it was never her fault. I told her it was the same thing as her self esteem issues. We just both need help healing those parts of ourselves. I told her not to be afraid to ask for help from Him if no one else. I said I hope she turns to Him over alcohol again and that I do care and I don't want to see anything bad happen to her. She said, "You still care?" I said yes. She asked why. I resisted the urge to blurt out "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU" and instead said simply "I've cared about you for over 2 years and that doesn't just go away, at least not for me, I don't know about you." She looked down and didn't say anything. I told her I wasn't going to wait for her. She said she never asked me to. I started picking up the stuff she had given me back as it was sitting on my car and she said, "I guess you have a lot to do today and I don't have anything." I asked, "You don't have to work?" and she said no. I then said, "Well then, you're getting the time alone you asked for." I turned and said over my shoulder, "Like I said yesterday, don't expect me to stay in touch" and she started walking to her house. I then stopped at my car door, turned to her, and said, "Take care of yourself" then got in my car. She went into her house without saying another word.

Driving away, that was the moment I realised that it was truly over. No hope. No maybes. Just over. All last hopes I had are gone. I had wanted to leave the impression I was doing good and make the last sight of me one that was of a strong confident guy. I wanted the last image to be that of the guy she first fell in love with. But driving away all that didn't matter. I feel that I have let go of her, but only in the sense that I have nothing left to hold on to. This is the first moment I have actually felt that it was over. I have hit the bottom. This, as far as I know, is the last time I will ever talk to her. It really is over. I keep saying that over and over. Like it will change the fact if I keep saying it. It really is over. It really is over.

Thank you for reading this even though it was LONG. Its everything. The final Chapter. The last chapter between me and her. It really is over. It really is over.

*Round of applause*

Beautiful and very touching. Seriously, in my opinion you handled that very well. I know it was hard but you should be proud of yourself at this point. You were able to let her go and you are now ready to move on with your life.

No one knows what the future holds. You are right that this was the last chapter regarding your relationship with her as it is now. She may appear somewhere in the rest of your story. Its clear, from what you wrote, that you both really cared about one another so after a time apart you two may come back into each others life. However, as things stand now"it really is over."

Don't let that scare you. This was the end of only one chapter in your story. Why don't you turn the page and begin writing the next one. It's an exciting moment and personally I'm looking forward to reading it :)

As a side note, and this is not to take away from the seriousness of the issue, but you have a real good sense of taking life and nicely portraying it through words. You should consider writing stories as a hobby and maybe even taking it into a career. You have a skill and you should develop it.

Afterword for the Last Chapter

I have gone through the *small* shoebox that I received from her. Not even a fraction of the things I know she cherished of us. Really not more than I requested back. A watch and necklace my dad gave her our first Christmas. A Rubics Cube keychain I bought for her one day at toys'r'us I believe because she said she had never had one. I had intended to teach her how to solve it, but never got around to it. A bottle of her favorite perfume I bought for her on a day trip out of town. It was called Claddagh and we had found it at a small Celtic shop. It smells amazing and when she would wear it (only on special occasions) I couldn't keep my hands on her. I think we actually made love every time she wore it. I asked for it back saying I was the only man to know that scent on her and that I never wanted another man to know it. I told her it was something that would only be between me and her. She didn't argue. There was a stuffed stingray (named Doug according to the tag) I bought her on our only trip to the Tennessee Aquarium. It was the first and only time she had ever souched a stingray. I showed her how to be patient with it and held her from falling in when she did it. She was so excited she did it several times that day and thanked me for helping her do so. She kept the stingray toy in her car on her dashboard since that day and called it her "Doug-ee". Next was the card I had gotten her for Valentines day. I was surprised to find it was the only such item I got back. I know she kept every single last loveletter I ever wrote her in her wallet and she read them often. She kept the cards I gave her displayed. The only one I got back was the valentines day card. I can't help but wonder what she did with the others. I'll probably never know. There was also one picture in the box. Only one. The one she kept by her bed. She had many pictures of us and even a scrapbook full of them. I only got back the one picture. Its now the only picture I have of us. Its staying in the box. Last was the music box. She had wanted a music box so bad, saying she had never had one. Our first Christmas I gave it to her. It was simple and wooden. It had a bible verse on it about the strength of love and how love was always patient and always forgiving. I can't remember the exact verse. I had put the promise ring in it. She had wanted the promise ring more and I made it seem as though all I gave her was the music box. She was so excited when she opened it. When I got it back it had the promise ring as well as many other "cheap" rings I had bought her and the ring I had bought her for our last christmas. And last in it was the heart pendant I mentioned in the Last Chapter. That still hurts to think of. I thought I would have to ask it back. She had never taken it off since putting it on. I didn't have to ask. It was already in the box.

She said I could keep whatever I wanted. I kept NOTHING. I asked for a few important things. She gave me little more than I asked. She fought giving back the most significant of those. She kept most everything, a list as long as my arm, giving what she did with resistance. I kept NOTHING when she said I could keep everything. I know I shouldn't examine the signifigance, but she wanted to leave me and resisted giving up anything of us. I wanted to clutch on to her and I gave back everything. Something seems odd about this.

I put the letter never sent in the shoebox and put the box away in the closet along with things of past relationships. I won't open the box from her again, and the box sits with memories of past girlfriends. But I can't help but hurt when I see the signifigance of the things I have received from her compared to that of others they sit with. I remember being talked into keeping things from the others. Hers I couldn't ever imagine throwing away.

The "official" Day 1 may have been earlier this week, But today feels like day 1 so that's how I'm counting it. I hate that first minute or so between sleep and wakefulness where you believe everything is OK and you and her are still happily together. Then you realise that it was all a dream and that even though you can still hear that last laugh of hers from the land of dreams, you know you'll never hear it again in life. Every morning its like losing her all over again...

The "official" Day 1 may have been earlier this week, But today feels like day 1 so thats how I'm counting it. I hate that first minute or so between sleep and wakefulness where you believe everything is ok and you and her are still happily together. Then you realise that it was all a dream and that even though you can still hear that last laugh of hers from the land of dreams, you know you'll never hear it again in life. Every morning its like losing her all over again....It may seem like you lost the love of your life and that there will never be anyone else like her. There won't be anyone like her, there will be new people, new experiences and new memories out there for you to gather and remember - eventually making those of her fade into the far distance of your mind.. I promise.
This happens to all of us, so you are not the only this has happened to, and will probably not be the last time you will feel this way in your life, but it is part of being human. We have emotions beyond that of animals who simply look for a mate to procreate with for the survival of the species. The emotional part instilled in us make it more difficult to make it that simple to experience and endure.
Being human activates another survival instinct in us, and that is to keep on going no matter what - otherwise there would be mass suicides worlwide every day when a love is lost and the pain starts.
It's too soon, but as time goes by, her voice, smell, visions of her smile and your memories of all these will fade because it will become time to make new ones. TIME and what we do with it is the factor here and the inner strength you gain after each rejection - it's no fun being rejected, but it is a part of what we are and there is no escaping it.
Go through your pain, anger and healing process - it's normal - and as I said before, we will be here to help you through it. So stay with us and let it all out.
TaTaForNow, and have a good cry and then rest over the weekend.
Chery

Hey everybody! Well as I'm sure this is just a temporary high and that I will have my low spots from which I will no doubt ask your infinate support in, today I couldn't be happier. I went to a church today with my friend and her boyfriend (who is really a stand up guy, especially compared to her jealous ex) and I was nervous at first getting out of the house rather than sitting around being sorry for myself. The church I went to was unlike any I had been to. It's a non-denominational Christian church (http://www.faithpromise.org)and they welcome everybody. I haven't found a church I felt this connected to ever. They are probably the most welcoming, nicest, most devoted group of Christians I have ever met. I really couldn't even think about wanting my ex back while I was there. I really just felt happy. Happier than I ever did with anyone. I felt like God actually spoke to me. I'm sorry, I've always had faith, but I really just had a religious experience today and I'm actually excited about going next week. Me, the guy my ex says "never gets excited about anything", is as excited as I've ever been. Well its really been all I have been able to talk about since. I actually cried in happiness as I was leaving. I manned up and waited till no one could see me but I cried, and they weren't tears for my ex. For a few hours there and after I really felt whole and just happy to be me. I guess I'm getting some spiritual healing. I finally just trust God to do what's right for me. Hell I wish I could thank my ex right now for giving me the motivation to seek out God again. I have really lost touch with my faith, and I didn't even realise it. Like I said, I'm at a bit of a high right now. I'm sure I'll have my lows, but I really just feel great right now.

I care about her too much to watch her throw her life away, but I feel helpless to do anything. I hate watching someone I care about going a such a self desructive path. She could inadvertantly kill herself, and I'm not even sure she cares right now. I don't know how someone could spiral out of control so fast for no appearent reason. She comes home everyday from work misserable and until a V-day weekend all it took was seeing me to feel better about it. I guess she thinks this is more of an escape, but its the people that she works with, at the place where she is miserable, that are encouraging her to go down this path. It makes no rational since. A choice between someone who protected her and something that could destroy her and she picks the dark path that could kill her.

The common pattern with a lot of dumpees on here is that they look for excuses for the dumpers behaviour. I did it! My ex suffered from depression, and I thought that was causing her to question our relationship.

The reality is that she was probably very selfish, to the extent that she was prepared to use the depression as an excuse for her dwindling feelings. Not good, but not unique either.

Don't make excuses for her. Think of yourself.

*Round of applause*

Beautiful and very touching. Seriously, in my personal opinion you handled that very well. I know it was hard but you should be proud of yourself at this point. You were able to let her go and you are now ready to move on with your life.

No one knows what the future holds. You are right that this was the last chapter regarding your relationship with her as it is now. She may appear somewhere in the rest of your story. Its clear, from what you wrote, that you both really cared about one another so after a time apart you two may come back into each others life. However, as things stand now"it really is over."

Don't let that scare you. This was the end of only one chapter in your story. Why don't you turn the page and begin writing the next one. It's an exciting moment and personally I'm looking forward to reading it :)

As a side note, and this is not to take away from the seriousness of the issue, but you have a real good sense of taking life and nicely portraying it through words. You should consider writing stories as a hobby and maybe even taking it into a career. You have a skill and you should develop it.

Hi dear, so glad to see that with all you've gone through, your healing process is advanced to the point where you also encourage others. They need help from those of us who have been there and I think you are doing a great job! So here is an ***attaboy*** just for you!

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Well I broke no contact today... I don't know why... I don't know what I'm hoping for... I didn't beg her back or anything... I actually told her I agree with her for leaving me and that I'm OK with it. I told her I'm doing good and keeping busy... not that she asked... its only been 10 days since we spoke last... I told her I wasn't going to keep in touch... now I shot her an email out of the blue... I guess I'm trying to keep communication lines open... well what's done is done... had a weak moment I suppose...

On the brighter side, I don't feel bad about myself at all for the first time in as far back as I remember... I've actually been out having fun with my friends. Got in touch with some I haven't heard from in a while. Sleeping good most nights. My appitite is starting to come back though I can tell my stomach shrank... not a bad thing as I'm now trying to lose weight... I'm out job hunting too... I realized just how unhappy my current job makes me... no job satisfaction... 3rd shift... I'm ready for something new... I've been doing things for ME... not usually in my character... my new therapist says that I'm addicted to "being needed" and I need to start doing things for me so I am.. Started going to church and I am really enjoying it... Still miss the ex obviously and still love her, but I'm not sitting around all day dwelling on it... I'm not pitying myself over it... I'm regaining myself confidence and learning to be happy with myself... learning to think positively... trying to become a better person mentally and physically... I still hurt, but I am good...

The aboves a little random, but I hope it makes sense...

Well I broke no contact today... I dont know why... I don't know what I'm hoping for... I didnt beg her back or anything... I actually told her I agree with her for leaving me and that I'm ok with it. I told her I'm doing good and keeping busy... not that she asked.... its only been 10 days since we spoke last.... I told her I wasn't going to keep in touch.... now I shot her an email out of the blue.... I guess I'm trying to keep communication lines open... well whats done is done..... had a weak moment I suppose....

On the brighter side, I don't feel bad about myself at all for the first time in as far back as I remember.... I've actually been out having fun with my friends. Got in touch with some I haven't heard from in a while. Sleeping good most nights. My appitite is starting to come back though I can tell my stomach shrank... not a bad thing as I'm now trying to lose weight... I'm out job hunting too... I realized just how unhappy my current job makes me... no job satisfaction.... 3rd shift.... I'm ready for something new... I've been doing things for ME.... not usually in my character.... my new therapist says that I'm addicted to "being needed" and I need to start doing things for me so I am.. Started goign to church and I am really enjoying it.... Still miss the ex obviously and still love her, but I'm not sitting around all day dwelling on it... I'm not pitying myself over it... I'm regaining my self confidence and learning to be happy with myself.... learning to think positively... trying to become a better person mentally and physically... I still hurt, but I am good.....

The aboves a little random, but I hope it makes sense...

Every time you break NC, you are going to open old wounds and set yourself back. I know that well. It took me 6 months after my ex dumped me to implement true NC, and I am gradually getting better for it.

Think of you, not her. I know you have concerns about her well being but you are not her boyfriend anymore. She doesn't get to pick the benefits she gets from you!

I will predict that at some point in the next few weeks she runs the line " I still care for you and don't want to lose your friendship". You should be very careful and think long and hard about ever agreeing to anything like that.

Hi dear, so glad to see that with all you've gone through, your healing process is advanced to the point where you also encourage others. They need help from those of us who have been there and I think you are doing a great job! So here is an ***attaboy*** just for you!

Thank you for the kind words. They are much appreciated :)

Well she text messeged me today (while I was sleeping) after reading the email. I had apologized for being such a child and an a$$ in the email. She text me back saying she was sorry for being such a b!tch. (in the relationship) She asked me if I was seeing anyone. I told her I was dating around and being flirtatious but wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment. Said I bet all the guys are circling her like vultures now. She told me to wear a condom. She also said "yeah right" to the vultures comment. She told me to "be good" and I told her to stay out of trouble. She said she'd call me sometime... if she does I think I'll make myself "too busy" to talk... If she doesn't oh well... Anyway, I'm done initiating contact I hope. I'm not going to be shoved into the friend slot but I'm not going to beg for her back or anything like that. I know I'm taking a DANGEROUS road with my feelings, but what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. You guys must think I'm stupid. I very well may be. I got no expectations, just seeing what happens. As far as my mind is concerned we're over for good and I'm going to keep thinking and acting like that. My hearts just the thing that needs to be kept on a leash.

Emotions are what makes us humans different, and sometimes they are hard to control. But you are taking it well and I wish you all the strength in healing, dear.

And, no, I don't think you are stupid - we don't judge here - we help you get through and support when we can.

So stay with us and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

Well the Ex texted me tonight... I texted back to not be rude, but I wasn't very chatty. Her 21st birthday is April 6th. She said "a bunch of us are going to cotton eyed joe for my birthday wanna come?" I told her probably not as I have to be at work at 10:30pm. I said maybe we could do something some other time. She said maybe and told me goodnight. Sound like I did the right thing? I was honest. I do have to work that night. I figured if I asked for time off work it would seem like I was just jumping because she asked me to. I don't think I should go that far out of my way for her. Then again, I don't want to be rude and ignore her birthday. That would be hurtful of me to do and I don't want to be the bad guy. I know I'm holding out hope, don't kick me for that. I really just wonder, from a women's perspective, does it appear that I'm being strong for not giving into her wishes, or does it appear that I'm wimping out on her by avoiding hanging out with her and her friends? I don't know, its still a ways off, I just wonder what I should do. Any suggestions other than "No Contact" are welcome.

From a women's perspective, you're doing the right thing. Send her a card if you like, but keep it impersonal. Nothing romantic, just hope you have a good time, happy birthday, do not even sign it 'love', and no kisses. Nothing that's going to give her any idea that you're still harbouring hope. You have done really, really well. She's probably a bit of a drama queen by the sounds of it and instead of being able to go into work ing about the 'neurotic ex who wouldn't leave her alone' and seeking attention, she's come a cropper. You went into Facebook? - you seriously think she didn't realise you'd do that and that posting wasn't just for attention from others and to see if she'd get a reaction from you? This is one self-centred female you had aligned yourself with my son, and you have had a lucky escape.

From a women's perspective, you're doing the right thing. Send her a card if you like, but keep it impersonal. Nothing romantic, just hope you have a good time, happy birthday, do not even sign it 'love', and no kisses. Nothing thats going to give her any idea that you're still harbouring hope. You have done really, really well. She's probably a bit of a drama queen by the sounds of it and instead of being able to go into work ing about the 'neurotic ex who wouldn't leave her alone' and seeking attention, she's come a cropper. You went into Facebook? - you seriously think she didn't realise you'd do that and that posting wasn't just for attention from others and to see if she'd get a reaction from you? This is one self-centred female you had aligned yourself with my son, and you have had a lucky escape.

No doubt she's self centered. Very needy. She's always been opposite of me in that regard (most of the time) and got demanding and needy the times I actually was self centered (which wasn't often). I tend to fall for the one's that aren't quite "right". I won't say the "crazies" or the nutjobs, but definitely the ones that have issues. Don't know why, its just what I'm attracted to.

My therapist says I'm "addicted to being needed" so I guess that has something to do with it. Any other women think I'm hadling this the right way? I figured I should be in control of my time and not jump just cause the ex tells me to. She dumped me she should have to earn my time. If she wants to spend time with me she has to work for it and it'll be on my terms. What do you ladies think? Men feel free to jump in too, especially those that have kept up with the story.

No doubt shes self centered. Very needy. Shes always been opposite of me in that regard (most of the time) and got demanding and needy the times I actually was self centered (which wasn't often). I tend to fall for the one's that arn't quite "right". I wont say the "crazies" or the nutjobs, but definately the ones that have issues. Dont know why, its just what I'm attracted to.

My therapist says I'm "addicted to being needed" so I guess that has something to do with it. Any other women think I'm hadling this the right way? I figured I should be in control of my time and not jump just cause the ex tells me to. She dumped me she should have to earn my time. If she wants to spend time with me she has to work for it and it'll be on my terms. What do you ladies think? Men feel free to jump in too, especially those that have kept up with the story.

I've been following this, and you're best to avoid her. You owe her nothing, as she has broken your heart. She sounds like a typical drama-intensive 20-something. It's too bad that you had developed such strong feelings for her. From what I've read - admittedly, only through your posts - you seem too mature for her. Mature people work their relationships out; they don't end them abruptly. You've grown, and she hasn't.

Good luck.

I've been following this, and you're best to avoid her. You owe her nothing, as she has broken your heart. She sounds like a typical drama-intensive 20-something. It's too bad that you had developed such strong feelings for her. From what I've read - admittedly, only through your posts - you seem too mature for her. Mature people work their relationships out; they don't end them abruptly. You've grown, and she hasn't.

Good luck.

I couldn't agree more with this post.

You have tried to rationally discuss matters, resolve things etc. She displays immature behaviour. It is not immature to break up with someone, but it is immature for a dumper to assume the dumpee will feed their ego and/or ease their guilt by agreeing to their hollow friendship requests.

I have also followed your story as to it does fit my age range and do agree with everything you have said. You have given this girl every possible chance to work things out with you, yet she still chose some other guy over you. When she got into the relationship with him, that was your whole reason for not owing this little drama queen a thing! NO birthday card, no text, nothing. You will be much better off, because if you text her she will use that as ammo to tell her friends about the guy "she still has control of" show her you don't care what she does anymore, and you do that by not talking to her. She doesn't deserve a single thing from you, none of our exes do. Congrats on realizing you are better off

Given what you have been through, were is the anger?

Given what you have been thru, were is the anger?

I'm starting to think she's not even worth my anger... I hear about her partying and doing drugs and I find all I can do is feel sorry for her... that kind of behavior turned me off from her while we were together and now its just turning me off her more so... The times I did drink with her I had to babysit her and it got to the point that I didn't even want to drink. I would stay sober while she got so drunk she would pass out then I'd put her in bed and let her sleep it off. Meanwhile my day was ruined watching over her. Very Unattractive.

Now though I can go to the pub and enjoy a few pints among friends without worry. I had to sneak to the pub when I was with her because she wasn't old enough and she got "jealous" of me being able to go to the pub. And lastly a quote to demonstrate the difference of maturity levels, "You are old enough to drink and you dont even take advantage of it!" - Her screaming at me during a fight about me not buying her booze

Thanks for holding up the mirror on my former relationship guys... sometimes we all just need a kick in the a$$ to knock some sense back into us.

I'm starting to think she's not even worth my anger.... I hear about her partying and doing drugs and I find all I can do is feel sorry for her.... that kind of behavior turned me off from her while we were together and now its just turning me off her more so.... The times I did drink with her I had to babysit her and it got to the point that I didnt even want to drink. I would stay sober while she got so drunk she would pass out then I'd put her in bed and let her sleep it off. Meanwhile my day was ruined watching over her. Very Unattractive.

Now though I can go to the pub and enjoy a few pints among friends without worry. I had to sneak to the pub when I was with her because she wasn't old enough and she got "jealous" of me being able to go to the pub. And lastly a quote to demonstrate the difference of maturity levels, "You are old enough to drink and you dont even take advantage of it!" - Her screaming at me during a fight about me not buying her booze

Thanks for holding up the mirror on my former relationship guys... sometimes we all just need a kick in the a$$ to knock some sense back into us.

It is good that you are not angry. That is better than most!

Her path is her own now. What she does is not your concern.

We too often let our heads be clouded by our old feelings of love, and forget what we actually went through with the hurt, pain, rejection and confusion, and the humility of actually wishing they take us back. We refuse to get angry at them, and justify turning it on ourselves, which was my point about anger. When the crying is done, anger is healthy, and makes those loving thoughts poison, but motivates us to move on. Then we don't have too look back, and question ourselves any longer.

Your words are so true tal... I find I have done my fear share of hoping she will come back, confusion of not knowing what to do how to feel and being angry. After seeing my ex last Saturday I missed her I wanted her to come back tell me she loved me.
Now for the twist
2 days later a friend told me that she had a couple of one night stands and she now has a, (excuse my language) "fuk buddy" with a loser dumb guy who use to chill with us. I have to admit the guy is funnie but does so much dumb things... but how desperate can you be? Really tells you about her and character... anyways I've made up my mind about her. I'm not angry or sad deep down I know I am very much better off without being without a girl like that . If she comes back I would be like "WOW" in my mind and just tell her "how does that sound go...oh yea ...its too late to apologize ....its too lateeeeeee" (hate that dam song... always on da radio)
I know you can't change how someone thinks and she's not with me she can do what she wants with who ever she wants. Its so hard to see someone you care about so much make so much stupid decisions in their life. But now the only life I care about is mine, my family and my dreams. I spent a 1.5 yrs caring about someone who in the end don't even care two shiets about their lives and their well being. I just though she was better than that and had some class... love is really blind and ignorance is really bliss but not anymore.

Don't do anything rash SBJ! Even though things didn't work out for me either, its hard I know and learn to cope losing someone I really cared about. It does Suck!
But don't do anythign rash,or I'll hit you upside yo head! Get you to smile!

First, before I say anything, I just want to say that you're doing a great job and I'm really happy for you!

I think you're doing the right thing. I don't think your ex (or anyone) would/should mind if you don't attend for birthday gathering even if you're not busy, because after all you're trying to move on, and the best way to do it is stay clear from the ex. It's a normal thing, and it's very understandable, so don't think about it too much or worry about it (because there's nothing to worry about).

Stop caring how she would think about all of your actions, it doesn't matter. Focus on yourself. And from a woman's perspective (and from what you wrote on the last chapter post), I think you already left a great last impression on her, just let it stay that way! ( do you really want to hit yourself on the head later for ruining that image. From personal experience, I feel really embarrassed about how I acted after my ex broke up with me, and I feel bad that he probably think I'm some scary needy girl. It's probably a image that I can never erase (even though I wish I could get rid of it), but oh well what can I do.)

Also remember what you told her when you exchange thing? I can't exactly remember what you wrote, but I believe its something along the line of - " don't expect me to stay in touch." Why don't you do what you said? Ignore her text! I think if you stop replying to her, she would stop contacting you, and in turn it would make the process of healing yourself easier. I'm not saying that this is something easy to do, but it's probably will let you move on faster.

Well anyway this is my opinion and I wish you the best of luck!

Also I hope that you will find a career that you will love with a passion in the future! I think it will make you happier and more confident!

The ex is being weird... she texted me last night at work at 4am. No "hi" no "how are you?" just a question that seems weird and inapporpriate to ask the guy you just dumped. She asked if my grandma was happy that we broke up. About 6 months prior to the breakup my ex overreacted to a comment she overheard my grandmother saying to me about me ex not having any motivation in her life. My ex stopped coming to family things all together with me and in my opinion blew everything way out of proportion. Anyway like I said she asked me out of the blue "Is you grandma happy we broke up?" I replied "No my family actually liked you" then she said "I ment to tell you I'm workign 9-6 Easter Sunday and close the night before". I don't know why she "ment to" tell me this... I don't know what reason she has for giving me her easter weekend schedule. It was weird. Not knowing what she wanted me to say I said "Ok well happy belated St. Patrick's Day hope your not as hungover in the morning as I was this weekend (celebrated early) have a good night" and I haven't heard from her since. She's being damn weird asking me about my family's opinion of her post break up and giving me her weekend schedule for no appearent reason. I don't know... like I said in someone else's post, I gave up trying to figure women out a long time ago... I would have a better time grasping theoretical quantum physics... with NO help as Romefalls said Good Will Hunting style!

Out of every post I read,exes always make contact. So don't get your hopes high,they just want to see how you are doing,and its great to let the know you're doing great! Even if you're not, Also,if you can't figure women,how about men who not only dumps you BTU sets out to diminish watever self worth you have through manipulation> just because you refuse their so called friendship. Keep your head up!

Who cares why she contacted you! Remember no contact! Keep the contact small, do other things, stop thinking about her!

Aside from that, have a happy easter weekend!