My wife earns an avg. of 220,000.00 a year. I am a stay at home dad, have not worked in eight years. I'm 53 years old my son is 4, my daughter is 11. Will I still have to pay child support. We live in the state of IL.

Child support is often the result of a negotiation of the divorce decree. Given you situaton (and a good lawyer), you should get custody and she should have to pay support.

HOLY CRAP! Your wife makes that much? I'm assuming you are divorced/not together.

Do the children live with her most of the week?

We are in the process, we still all live together. Where would I go ?

You NEED an attorney. With her income, she will hire someone high priced, you need to protect yourself.

Well the way I see it, is the judge will see you as a devoted father and the wife brings home the bread so he might not make you pay child support.

But I could be wrong.

I think you need to get a job because divorce is pricey. Plus, if you and the children are depend on her now and after the divorce you will no longer be, uh get a job if you want to support you and your kids.

Well the way I see it, is the judge will see you as a devoted father and the wife brings home the bread so he might not make you pay child support.

But I could be wrong.

I think you need to get a job because divorce is pricey. Plus, if you and the children are depend on her now and after the divorce you will no longer be, uh get a job if you want to support you and your kids.

Umm would you give the same advice to a woman getting divorced? While its possible that the OP might have to go to work, its certainly not a given. If a man has to pay alimony and support for his homemaker housewife and kids, then why shouldn't the OP's wife do the same?

Umm would you give the same advice to a woman getting divorced? While its possible that the OP might have to go to work, its certainly not a given. If a man has to pay alimony and support for his homemaker housewife and kids, then why shouldn't the OP's wife do the same?

I suggested to him that because of the divorce, he would most likely have to get a job to support himself and his children. Just as if a woman were to do the same.


Yes, I agree that it should go for both sexes but I am saying that the wife will probably not support the husband, just the children. That is why I suggested a job, for him.

You are missing the point. If the roles were more traditional would you have advised the wife to go out and get a job or would you have expected the husband to support her?

OHHH I see what you are saying!

I would most definintely advise the woman to get a job as well.

Since this isn't a very traditional society anymore, both men and women should be able to support themselves.

I believe that the wife, by all means should be paying support because she is making more income but this is also depending on who the children lives with more. In my parents case, my father pays support, because my sister lives with my mom most of the week/month/year... whatever.

Since the child support issue hasn't risen yet, the OP is only asking what should be done and that's what I think.

I think the OP is better off getting a good lawyer who can get him alimony and child support.

With the money she is making? He definintely would!

Who is to get custody of children? If they remain in your care, I think she will be paying you child support. As she is the main earner I think even if she has kids, she will have to pay you allimony.

My wife earns an avg. of 220,000.00 a year. I am a stay at home dad, have not worked in eight years. I'm 53 years old my son is 4, my daughter is 11. Will I still have to pay child support. We live in the state of IL.
But morally u should want to pay for half of everything your kids need anyway

To answer this, first if you are the primary care giver ( stay at home dad) why are you not getting custody of the children?

But if she gets custody, yes, they will use a state formula, they will ender her wages, and your wages ( or none ifyou are not working) and come up with a figure, often some states have a mim amount if you have no income and the such. So to answer this, if she gets custody , yes you will still be paying some child support.

but morally u should want to pay for half of everything your kids need anyway

Why? If the wife has been the wage earner and the OP has been the caregiver then why should he be a wage earner? That is very chauvinistic.

I think Katrina27 was speaking about after the divorce not during marriage. She was just saying morally and 'what's right'. Usually it is the father who brings home the bread but in this case it is the opposite, so there is no harm in the woman supporting the kids and the father being the caretaker. We live in such a sexist society ScottGem that I think arguably, the man will have to end up paying. Sadly that is the way this world turns.

I think Katrina27 was speaking about after the divorce not during marriage. She was just saying morally and 'what's right'. Usually it is the father who brings home the bread but in this case it is the opposite, so there is no harm in the woman supporting the kids and the father being the caretaker. We live in such a sexist society ScottGem that I think arguably, the man will have to end up paying. Sadly that is the way this world turns.


Why is it morally right for the parent who has stayed home and cared for the kids to now have to go to work because the marriage is ending? Of course it might depend on WHY the marriage is ending. Something we don't know. But if we assume that the wife in the OP's case is ending it, then why would it be any less morally right for him to get alimony and support then it would be if the gender roles were reversed?

Yes, we do live in a chauvinistic society. And yes a situation like this where the traditional gender roles are reversed represents a uphill climb. But telling the OP that morally he should want to pay half just promotes the chauvinism. And is just plain wrong In my opinion.

Bottom line here is that the caregiver should be supported in continuing to give care. It should not matter whether that care giver is male or female. Whatever the realities of our legal system, the OP should be operating on a gender neutral basis.

Why is it morally right for the parent who has stayed home and cared for the kids to now have to go to work because the marriage is ending? Of course it might depend on WHY the marriage is ending. Something we don't know. But if we assume that the wife in the OP's case is ending it, then why would it be any less morally right for him to get alimony and support then it would be if the gender roles were reversed?

Yes, we do live in a chauvinistic society. And yes a situation like this where the traditional gender roles are reversed represents a uphill climb. But telling the OP that morally he should want to pay half just promotes the chauvinism. And is just plain wrong IMHO.

Bottom line here is that the caregiver should be supported in continuing to give care. It should not matter whether that care giver is male or female. Whatever the realities of our legal system, the OP should be operating on a gender neutral basis.

... which I totally agree with you on this one. I get so peeved when I come into contact with a sexist person. They need a wake up call into TODAY, not the 1800's. What I suggested before was that he might have to get a job if the wife is no longer going to support him, if she does. Do you get what I mean?

Like I said, he should spend his effort on a good lawyer that will get him a settlement where he doesn't have to get a job.

Well how is he going to live then? By having the wife support him if he is the primary caretaker?

Well how is he going to live then? By having the wife support him if he is the primary caretaker?

And why not? If the genders were reversed wouldn't you expect the husband to support the ex wife and his kids?

This isn't about gender role right now. I asked the question: What will happen, if she doesn't support him after the divorce?

And I said that his efforts should be placed into getting a favorable settlement. At 53, getting a decent job may be difficult, especially if he's been out of the workforce for a while. Yes the possibility exists that he might have to get a job, but that's a decision for the future.

I agree!

In meant that if they separate and the wife gets custody. The father should want to contribute to half of everything his children require. If he retains custody then the wife should pay for her share of the children's care. That is what I meant. I don't believe its nice to sccuse people of being sexist withour knowing facts.

Katrina,
I didn't accuse YOU of being sexist, I accused your post of being chauvinistic. Based on what YOU wrote it was. Sure, if the wife gets custody it would be ethical for the father to pay support.

But considering that the wife is probably in a fairly high level career position (evidenced by her salary and their domestic situation), the likelihood of her getting custody is not high.

The problem is not what I said about your post, but in your not clarifying what you meant to say. My comment was valid based on what you wrote.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedback/using-comments-feature-24951.html

At no time did I use the comment feature even though I disagreed with what you were posting. Because what you were posting was your opinion. Your giving me a negative and sarcastic comment was totally uncalled for.

You are stay at home dad meaning you devote your time to them. You should consider going for main custody and letting her pay the child support. If she is working all the time the Judge could likely see that she doesn't have the same amount of time to devote to them.

A lot of it has to do with who initiated the divorce - BUT regardless, since you are a stay at home dad, you can get allimony and child support - and even possibly that she has to pay for your attorney - but, that could be contingent on why you are getting a divorce.

You will have to get a job - she will not have to support you - just as if the roles were reversed, an ex-husband is not expected to support the ex-wife - and allimony only lasts for a specific period, and it's typically not enough to really live on without a suplimental income.

It's not automatic that you will get custody of the children. You will need a lawyer - and a good one. You could very easily get screwed.

I know a woman who got a divorce from her husband, kept the house and the kids, there was joint custody so no child support was ordered, but she had to pay allimony for 5 years of $2000 a month.

I'm just curious, but what does your wife do for a living? You do not have to answer because I know it is a personal question but if you feel comfortable answering please do.