Ok lets go through the run down of what happened. I was at my friends house for a small party and during the night I became rather drunk and player some strip poker (which I won but that's not important really) after which a girl at the party and myself started flirting and stuff. Now the bad part of this is that I have a girlfriend (relationship is a few weeks long). Now when I'm drunk I like to wrestle and I started wrestling with this girl who was half naked and everything would have been all right up to this point (cuz I had told my girlfriend that I was going to a party and would being playing strip poker and some stuff might happen) However then things went overboard and a part of me started to tell me that I could do what I wanted with this girl (yea by a part of me basically look at it as a double personality seeing how that's it's equivalent) So anyway I ended up having sex with this girl who I found out likes me (kinda duh, why would she have sex with me if she didn't) and now I'm confused on what to do. Oh and its only been about 3 days since I cheated and me and my girlfriend will be seeing each other tomorrow.

I see my options as this:
1) I can come out and tell my girlfriend and ruin her life (No understatement like DEMOLISH her life)
2) I can completely Lie to her and get the people who know to be quiet (they are all good friends)
3) I can tell part of the truth that suggests that something happened without saying it happened and as such not lie but not tell her I cheated thus not destroying her life

Then again I may be missing something other then the fact I'm an idiot who cheated on someone who is very serious about him. Any suggestions?

I understand that s___ happens when you're drunk, but the fact is that you cheated on your girlfriend.

I think your concern isn't so much about "demolishing" her life, but covering your own @$$ for acting like an "idiot," which is an understatement in my opinion. I can't believe that you even considered dragging your "good friends" into your own web of lies. If you really cared about her (and it seems like you don't), you would grow some balls, stop being so selfish, and tell her the truth. You should leave it up to her if she still wants to stay with you or not.

Yes I realize I'm selfish, and yes I'm more then an idiot and I wouldn't drag my friends into lies just ask them not to tell her. And by not getting them to tell her I would be doing on of two things, completely lying or asking them not to tell her so I can do and something along the lines of "take it like a man" And yea currently I think I would choose to only tell part of the story so life can move along as it is and my relationship with my girlfriend can continue the way it should or tell her what happened and see what happens next.

Omission is still lying. Tell her the truth, you screwed up. She might surprise you with how strong she might be. But she deserves the truth regardless.

Ok lets go thru the run down of what happened. I was at my friends house for a small party and during the night I became rather drunk and player some strip poker (which I won but thats not important really) after which a girl at the party and myself started flirting and stuff. Now the bad part of this is that I have a girlfriend (relationship is a few weeks long). Now when I'm drunk I like to wrestle and I started wrestling with this girl who was half naked and everything would have been alright up to this point (cuz I had told my girlfriend that i was going to a party and would being playing strip poker and some stuff might happen) However then things went overboard and a part of me started to tell me that I could do what I wanted with this girl (yea by a part of me basically look at it as a double personality seeing how thats it's equivalent) So anyways I ended up having sex with this girl who I found out likes me (kinda duh, why would she have sex with me if she didn't) and now I'm confused on what to do. Oh and its only been about 3 days since I cheated and me and my girlfriend will be seeing each other tomorrow.

I see my options as this:
1) I can come out and tell my girlfriend and ruin her life (No understatement like DEMOLISH her life)
2) I can completely Lie to her and get the people who know to be quiet (they are all good friends)
3) I can tell part of the truth that suggests that something happened without saying it happened and as such not lie but not tell her I cheated thus not destroying her life

Then again I may be missing something other then the fact I'm an idiot who cheated on someone who is very serious about him. Any suggestions?
I think you should own up. And take the consequences. I have a hunch she will get over it.
Also maybe give up drink, clearly you have an alcohol problem. I'm serious I think you do, if your attributing your infidelity to drinking. Quit drinking until you have matured. Tell your girlf you will quit drinking, she may give you a chance if you do that.
And promise to end any friendship with the other girl, there's no point hurting her too

I don't think she has to surprise me, I know she is a strong girl. And yes part of me is yelling why don't you tell her but other part, the same part that compelled me to cheat, is saying what the hell you can get away with this and not have any problems.

Personaly if it was me I would want to know. Just try talking to her carmly and tell her u didn't really know what u was doing at the time and u know it was a big mistake now.

You played roulette with you relationship that night. You may have won strip poker, but you lost the roulette. Own up. Your girlf deserves to make her own choice on whether to forgive you or not. And its not cool to be playing strip poker anyway. Your meant to be in relationship. She put trust in you that night, you totally let her and you down. Give her the choice to stay or go. You know its rite thing to do

No drinking wasn't what screw me the most, yes it did take away the last bit of logic however most of my common sense was screwed over with other problems in my life so when I got drunk this time I didn't care what happened as much. Without that stress in my life this wouldn't have happened for I have and would have refused actions like these. But of course excuses are stupid and pointless

I was drunk I love that.

Oh my god I was drunk I slept with her it don't count


You cheated man I have no sympathy for you. You will get what is coming to you

Enjoy

I never said it didn't count. If I thought it didn't count then why would I even have meantioned it?

*sigh* see telling her is easy to start but the problem is saying everything. I most likely will stop half way through unless I can find a way to deal with the part of me that says I can get away with only saying half

Want to know how to get past that part? Imagine someone you care about, did the same thing. Would you want them to stop halfway? You reap what you sow man, all you get to decide now is how deep your going to dig that hole.

Well once again its parts of me, one says I would want to know the full true the other half says if they can slip it by me then good for them.

Look the absolute worst thing that can happen is she gets mad and dumps you. And u deserve that anyway. Then again she may forgive you. And as for the drink, if it gave u the final push at the last moment to cheat, you do have a problem. Have u thought about how u are going to make it up to her if she stays with u. because believe me, a man who cheats or woman, is going to have to make big lifestyle changes. She is never going to want u in the same room as that other girl. Have u considered that?

Yes I have and I know that I would have work to do if she doesn't hate me or dumps me. And this other girl is a friend so the not being in the same room as her would be hard, however some precautions will be taken when we hang out.

Sorry but I think if your serious, you would have to end that friendship. Otherwise your not serious or sorry. How could you continue being her mate, and it killing your girlfriend. I think your better off single. Good luck though

I'm not a mate.. . and even if the friendship was ended that wouldn't help much we hang out with the same people too much we would still run into each other. And honestly I don't know how serious I am but I know she is very serious about the relation we have so I want to be serious for her. HOWEVER I think by bouncing my thoughts off ppls on here it has made me come to a choice and a plan

If you don't tell her than you run the risk of the truth coming out by the people you both hang around with, which would be much worse in the long run for both of you. You had the balls to do the crime now have the balls to own up to it. If she dumps you then it's her call, she has a right to know, not only because you cheated but because she thinks you're being loyal to her and yet you slept with someone else who could potentially have a sexually transmitted disease that you could pass on to your girlfriend.

I love the oops I got drunk and had sex with someone, but honestly it wouldn't normally happen if my life was better. Stop making excuses, you aren't as afraid of hurting her as you are of getting hurt yourself. It's hard to tell the truth and face the consequences, but it's part of being a mature adult, if you don't consider yourself to be a mature adult than you shouldn't even be having sex period.

Do the right thing, you'll feel better in the long run and she deserves honesty, especially since she isn't getting fidelity.

Theodore, you CAN'T get away with only saying half. If my boyfriend started in on saying something that sounded shady to me like playing strip poker with other girls, I would demand every last detail. Why do you want to be with this girl? Evidently you aren't serious about her if you are off playing strip poker and having sex with another girl. You need to be single, play the field a little bit, then think about getting into a serious relationship. If you have only been dating this girl for a few weeks and you've already cheated on her, this relationship sounds doomed to me. If you tell her and she decides to take you back, she's always going to know what happened and chances are she will always use it against you in a fight. Save you and her the pain. Tell her you had sex with another girl.. plain and simple. Say your sorry if you mean it, then move on. This girl does not deserve this. Chances are she will not want to have anything to do with you anymore, but you have to accept it because you cheated.

maybe you are not with the right girl....

so, maybe the naked chick did you a favor....

I'd break up and take some time off out of respect to both of you.

Then get back after a while (several months) if seems right,

Take a break you "naked wrestler"

It's only fair to all...

A

Then again I may be missing something other then the fact I'm an idiot who cheated on someone who is very serious about him. Any suggestions?
I suggest, you stop with all the excuses (you have so many) as they mean nothing, and tell her the whole truth, and suffer the consequenses of your actions.

Just tell her the truth and hope she forgives you,
Even if you lie she will probably find out anyway or you'll feel really guilty about it
The same thing happened to one of my friends and the girl didn't break up with him, so maybe she'll forgive you,
And if I were her I'd want to know

Well I told her this morning and she was rather mad but didn't break up with me. Said that if I broke up with her it would probably hurt her less but that was up to me. Oh and that I would have to earn trust back and lets see oh yea she wants to meet the girl I cheated with which I think is a VERY bad idea. So yea.. .

U r f'd. :-)

She wants to meet her?

Hmmm.

You deserve nothing less then the worst.

I don't think meeting her will help her at all. If anything it will probably end in a fight between the two of them. Besides, it's not only the other girls fault, if she forgives you then she also has to forgive the girl you cheated with, you are both to blame. You are the one she has a relationship with, not the other girl. Of course it's up to the two of you but I think it is a very, very bad idea for them to meet. It's not going to end well.

You have to ask yourself why did you cheat? Then you will probably find out that maybe you aren't quite ready for a steady! Honesty is the best resolve. If she forgives you... does she REALLY forgive you? If she dumps you... you are free. When you are finally with the right one, you won't cheat. Besides, if you don't tell her and she finds out on her own... you better run!

Chick fight!!

Yea I would rather them not meet seeing how it will probably end up in a fight. And its not like meeting the other girl will benefit anyone so I think I will not be letting that happen

I told her this morning and she was angry and such but said she still loves me and she didn't dump me

Yea i would rather them not meet seeing how it will probably end up in a fight. and its not like meeting the other girl will benefit anyone so i think i will not be letting that happen


Mmm hmmm.

How you going to do that? :cool:

Well I think I will have to convince my girlfriend that there is no point to meeting the other girl or I could just refuse to tell her who it is. Does anyone have an idea on how to stop it other then those two ideas?

Well that about covers it... let me know how it turns out.

I would have chosen my option. Separate for a while. But maybe you can pull it off. ;)

Will let you know how it goes. And I don't know how good she would take separating for a bit

well i think i will have to convince my gf that there is no point to meeting the other girl or i could just refuse to tell her who it is. does anyone have an idea on how to stop it other then those two ideas?

Well, that about covers it. I would have chosen the route I suggested: trial separation, but maybe you can pull it off.

Let me know how it goes. ;)

will let you know how it goes. and i dont know how good she would take seperating for a bit

You've only been dating for a short time, it's not like she's invested allot of time into you and your relationship, how hard can it be to separate for a bit. As for keeping the two girls apart, I would just explain to her that no good can come of it and also let her know in no uncertain terms that it took two of you to cheat, if she wants to unleash some of her anger it should be directed at you, not the other girl (although I don't recommend physical violence of any sort ever). If she feels like screaming at someone than that should be you, or did you put all the blame on the other girl, is that why she wants to confront her? If she has decided to forgive you than she should forgive the girl. If she can't do that then you should both call it quits as this relationship will be more doomed than it already is.

I said to blame me, I know I'm at fault. And this girl has liked me for a year before we started dating so she kind of has inveested a bit of time in this relationship

I promise you, if you tell her, you will NOT be ruining her life. You're not that great, cheater.

You'll more than likely be saving her from wasting time with a cheater that doesn't respect her, love her, or actually care about her. Drunk schmunk. Be a man and tell her the truth.

:D
i promise you, if you tell her, you will NOT be ruining her life. you're not that great, cheater.

you'll more than likely be saving her from wasting time with a cheater that doesn't respect her, love her, or actually care about her. drunk schmunk. be a man and tell her the truth.

You might want to read all the posts. He did tell her :D

Tell your girl friend. You will be doing her a favor, not ruining her life. You two have not been together that long and it will be good for her to know early on that you can't think past a hard-on. Also if you had unprotected sex, you could really be saving her life.
Get over yourself. She will live through this.

I told her this morning and she was angry and such but said she still loves me and she didnt dump me
Your girl friend sounds like a very weak and desperate person. I would have dropped your butt like a hot potato

I said to blame me, i know I'm at fault. and this girl has liked me for a year before we started dating so she kinda has inveested a bit of time in this relationship


Wait, I said you were both at fault, the other girl though is less at fault with your girlfriend because she's not the one who cheated on her. Them meeting is not good, but short of tying her down or caging her you can't prevent it, she's got to realize that the two of them meeting will end badly. Maybe tell her to wait a few weeks and then you'll talk about it again. Maybe this will give her enough time to cool down and realize that confronting this girl is a mistake. I can say one thing however, you are darn lucky that she has decided to forgive you and you better not deceive her again. You know what they say "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me." Don't hurt her again, ever!

Trust me this will never happen again, this is the first time I have cheated, ever and I never plan to repeat it. And why don't people read that I told her *sigh*

People don't read... They just yell. It's easier. :cool:

Sorry I replied before I read that you told her. I still would drop your butt like a hot potato

The truth will set you free. Go for it if she leaves you at least you can respect yourself other wise you will allways be waiting for the other shoe to drop

(man, people do not read posts I guess :-)

Anyway, let me know how it turns out... this is some HOT water and you boiled it.

Indeed, some people should read more and I shall report back on what happens

I cheated once... on a BF in college. I had a one night stand with this foreign exchange student. So, I never told my boyfriend because I knew I would be confessing to aleviate my own guilt and I would end up hurting him. But - I hated the fact that I had cheated on a guy that I really loved. So, I broke up with him. I gave him the whole "we are both at really different places in our lives right now" speech. He hated me after that -for breaking up out of the blue, but I loved him enough to know that he deserved to be with someone better than me... someone who wouldn't have a random indiscretion with a foreign exchange student. The sad thing is that I still love him and I think about him almost every day. So, I f*ed up. I live with the guilt of it. He never knew, so he didn't have to go through the emotional baggage of being cheated on. So, having been in your shoes...

If you really cared about this girl (this needy, desperate, kind of psycho scary that she'd stay with you - clearly has no self respect kind of girl) you wouldn't be with her. Also - brace yourself... any time you mess up - this is ammo. She will throw it back in your face. She is late for a date "Yeah. well. I'm not the one who banged a hoe at a party". You will constantly be apologizing. DUMP HER. Start over. Some slates you can't wipe clean.

There should be a disclaimer on this forum:

If you cheat, you will die...

You need to let this girl go. Let her go, tell her you're sorry, tell her she deserves better. Let it go. As anamia said, this crap will come flying back at you like beads on mardi gras.

Well I convinced my girlfriend not to meet the girl and yea I think I have got everything under control. Also to the people who think that my girlfriend will keep throwing it in my face when I get into an argument I don't care, I did something and that the result so guess what I get to live with it. Anyway that's everything for this, thanks to anyone who actually help.

Do not assume that your cheating is that important! What WILL destroy this girl is if you stay with her under the false impression that you are a good boyfriend! It will be much worse if you do not tell her and she finds out later down the line, and trust me SHE WILL FIND OUT! No one ever gets away with stuff like that, it may not be right away but she will find out eventually.

Ok lets go thru the run down of what happened. I was at my friends house for a small party and during the night I became rather drunk and player some strip poker (which I won but thats not important really) after which a girl at the party and myself started flirting and stuff. Now the bad part of this is that I have a girlfriend (relationship is a few weeks long). Now when I'm drunk I like to wrestle and I started wrestling with this girl who was half naked and everything would have been alright up to this point (cuz I had told my girlfriend that i was going to a party and would being playing strip poker and some stuff might happen) However then things went overboard and a part of me started to tell me that I could do what I wanted with this girl (yea by a part of me basically look at it as a double personality seeing how thats it's equivalent) So anyways I ended up having sex with this girl who I found out likes me (kinda duh, why would she have sex with me if she didn't) and now I'm confused on what to do. Oh and its only been about 3 days since I cheated and me and my girlfriend will be seeing each other tomorrow.

I see my options as this:
1) I can come out and tell my girlfriend and ruin her life (No understatement like DEMOLISH her life)
2) I can completely Lie to her and get the people who know to be quiet (they are all good friends)
3) I can tell part of the truth that suggests that something happened without saying it happened and as such not lie but not tell her I cheated thus not destroying her life

Then again I may be missing something other then the fact I'm an idiot who cheated on someone who is very serious about him. Any suggestions?
I have been cheated on: it hurts like HELL. But there is one universal truth--as true as the fact that the sky is blue. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FOUND OUT. The worst thing that could POSSIBLY happen would be for her to NOT find out from you thus destroying your/her life. You got yourself in a bad situation so DO NOT expect there to be any easy way out--there isn't and if so that would be too good to be true. You must tell her. Period. Yes it sucks but the only thing that will suck 1000 times more is NOT telling her. I swear on a stack of bibles--if there is anything in the world I know, it is this. PERIOD.

Grow the Hell up! Your g/f doesn't deserve you and your crap! Just the fact that you were asking yourself... should I tell her? can I get away with it? can I save my own sorry A$$? can I get my friends to get me out of this?. says that she should run away in the other direction as fast as she can. Leave her alone and let her find someone that is worthy of her time!

You are a selfish person and I think you are also quite arrogant to assume that this would "DEMOLISH" her life... get over yourself rockstar!

If you had any decency and respect for her, you would have told her that she deserves better, right after you told her the "truth!?" Shame on you!

Also, you thanked the people that "actually helped"? I think you were initially asking people to justify what you did and support you... not the people that were trying to tell you the way it really goes!

The best thing to do I think is tell the truth as it will come out in the end maybe not now but later and I think know that will hurt more. What more have you lied about since then be honest tell the truth and move on

Well I convinced my gf not to meet the girl and yea I think I have got everything under control. Also to the ppl who think that my gf will keep throwing it in my face when i get into an argument i dont care, i did something and that the result so guess what i get to live with it. Anyways thats everything for this, thanks to anyone who actually help.


Confused---you convinced her not to meet the other girl? Uh so you told her about it and she wanted to meet the other girl only to find that you convinced her not to?? Why would this be an option in the first place?

Also, you said the stripper girl likes you and "duh because she slept with you, so obviously.
Have you considered that women can have no strings attached flings as well? That is, we CAN sleep with a man without it meaning we are hooked on him. So, no it doesn't mean she likes you, although it COULD but maybe she just thought you were hot and wanted to try you in bed?

Wow people are cruel. Everyone makes mistakes and I'm sure many people here have or will hurt someone just as badly as you hurt her in their life time. I'd tell her the truth though.

Wow people are cruel. Everyone makes mistakes and i'm sure many people here have or will hurt someone just as badly as you hurt her in their life time. I'd tell her the truth though.

I know you are new to this site, but you need to read through ALL posts, to get all of the info, and the feel for why our answers were what they were. Also watch for the date of the original post. This happened close to a yr ago. They might not even be together at this point.

We aren't cruel people, and for the most part, the people here are caring people. (although we do get the occasional troll, or someone who just doesn't care, and gives uninformed ill-advice) and often times there are posts that have been removed because of the nature of them, so if it is an older post, it is difficult to understand why some of us got so annoyed, because some of it has been removed. Sometimes it's also a matter of being a little cruel to be kind approach. Although some react negatively, we expect that, and try and take it in stride, but we are also human too. A lot of people come back to thank us, even if we've been hard on them, so it's a hit and miss sometimes. Not to mention the fact the we do this for free to try and actually help the people who honestly want the real truth. So those are just a few tips for you to consider.

Ok, first of all you must be pretty conceited to actually think that telling her you cheated would "demolish" her life. Yes, it would be extremely upsetting and painful for her to get through, but in the long run she'd be better off knowing the truth.

Being drunk is NO excuse. Get your priorities right.

What's done is done.. your not going to change it now mate.. If I were you, I would leave her because for a guy to do that to his girl is unacceptable and is not "man enough" to take care of her.

No matter how much you tell her, there is NO WAY you are going to take that back. So I recommend telling her what happened to the extent that it doesn't hurt her and that you ensure that you won't hurt her again.

In saying that, I don't think you really deserve to have anything to do with her UNLESS both of you have some sort of love-connection which I doubt and for this reason you should move on thinking about this and ensuring it doesn't ruin your life or another girl's life