I'm getting out of a horrible relationship.
Background: We fought while dating, he didn't trust me. He went on medication (he's bi-polar) and it was improving when he proposed. We fought about everything under the sun while engaged, and postponed the wedding only to put it back on course when my family went through a major crisis and he was there for me. I clinged to the only shred of stability I thought was around and got married for all the wrong reasons. Our problems were numerous: he was jealous, posessive, controlling. Verbally abusive, angry, drank too much (which didn't mix well with the aforementioned meds). We were in marriage counseling less than 2 months after we got married and deep down I knew the marriage wouldn't work. I completely hid myself for a while. I don't want to say lost because I am a very strong independent person and know exactly who I am and what I stand for and why I stood for his crap I'll never figure out. Needless to say the marriage was over way before I filed for divorce. Two weeks after I file for divorce (and move out) I get introduced to a wonderful guy by some mutual friends. He's trying to get custody of his kids, so needless to say we've both been going through a rough time recently and it's been a while since either of us has been happy. We are taking things very slow, I don't want to be intimate until at least after my divorce is final, and he is completely understanding and respectful of this. We are just enjoing eachothers company and the fact that we make each other so unbelievably happy.

My issue is this... I keep reading about the "rebounding" issues pertaining to divorce but I don't think they apply here. I grived, cried, mourned, got mad and then got over my marriage before I started the paperwork. I made my decision not based on any one incident that happened, but when I finally said enough was enough and it was over. I am not some angry shrew, but have been looking forward to finally (emphasis on finally) getting to move on with my life. I only stayed as long as I did not out of love, but because it was a marriage. But I don't think I was ever truly in love with him. Everything I read pertaining to rebounding doesn't seem to fit here except for the timing issue, but I'm one that thinks that if its right, its right.

Any thoughts?

I'm getting out of a horrible relationship.
Background: We fought while dating, he didn't trust me. He went on medication (he's bi-polar) and it was improving when he proposed. We fought about everything under the sun while engaged, and postponed the wedding only to put it back on course when my family went through a major crisis and he was there for me. I clinged to the only shred of stability I thought was around and got married for all the wrong reasons. Our problems were numerous: he was jealous, posessive, controlling. Verbally abusive, angry, drank too much (which didn't mix well with the aforementioned meds). We were in marriage counseling less than 2 months after we got married and deep down I knew the marriage wouldn't work. I completely hid myself for a while. I don't want to say lost because I am a very strong independant person and know exactly who I am and what I stand for and why I stood for his crap I'll never figure out. Needless to say the marriage was over way before I filed for divorce. Two weeks after I file for divorce (and move out) I get introduced to a wonderful guy by some mutual friends. He's trying to get custody of his kids, so needless to say we've both been going through a rough time recently and it's been a while since either of us has been happy. We are taking things very slow, I don't want to be intimate until atleast after my divorce is final, and he is completely understanding and respectful of this. We are just enjoing eachothers company and the fact that we make each other so unbelievably happy.

My issue is this...I keep reading about the "rebounding" issues pertaining to divorce but I don't think they apply here. I grived, cried, mourned, got mad and then got over my marriage before I started the paperwork. I made my decision not based on any one incident that happened, but when I finally said enough was enough and it was over. I am not some angry shrew, but have been looking forward to finally (emphasis on finally) getting to move on with my life. I only stayed as long as I did not out of love, but because it was a marriage. But I don't think I was ever truly in love with him. Everything I read pertaining to rebounding doesn't seem to fit here except for the timing issue, but I'm one that thinks that if its right, its right.

Any thoughts?
Good book to read is Crazy Time by Abigail Trafford. In it is a quote. Anyone who goes through divorce should not date for 1 year from day you sign the divorce contract. Get to know you, rebounds have nothing to do with you.

Maybe it is a rebound, maybe it isn't. Keep taking things slowly and see where they go. As long as you continue to be honest with him about needing take things slowly what's the worst than can happen?

I'd vote that this may qualify as a rebound relationship since it's the guy you're seeing right after your breakup.

Next question is: "So what?"

I'm all for that wait a year thing before getting serious with someone else. It's perfect sanity, it shows you are taking time to let ALL your emotions even out again and you'll be able to trust the way you are with men.

Meanwhile, that doesn't mean you can't court and date and have fun in groups. Since I'd expect the best chances for a meaningful relationship will come out of a sincere friendship first, work on that! And if your friendship blossoms into more before a year is up, just make sure you aren't repeating any of the judgement errors from first time around.

Even if he is your reboound guy, there is NO rule that says rebound relationship can't work if you keep the heat toned down long enough for it to be meaningful.

Take care. Take your time. Stay out of bed, stay out of the house... have some fun. Relax. Rebuke anyone who pressures you in any way. This is YOU time.

If the guy cares enough, he'll enjoy getting to know you and helping you in YOU time, too.

In addition to the other fine advice that has been given in the above posts, I do especially agree with waiting for a year before getting seriously involved with someone else. You need time for you to heal and also sort out who you are and what you want out of life and also in a relationship. That can take a lot of time. So, please just take your time before becoming seriously involved with someone else. The process can take months or even years.

Even when you eventually do become seriously involved with someone else, please just take your time before tying the knot again. Make sure that he is the right one for you and that you both truly know and love one another.

Relationships on the rebound can work. But, it just takes time, patience and decision making based upon knowledge that has been gained well through the passage of time and experiencing many of the things one might encounter in a relationship.