I split with my boyfriend, just over a month ago. He is 22, I am nearly 20. I ended it because of silly reasons, it was my first relationship, I got scared and took the easiest option. Basically I just thought it wasn't really going to work, we very rarely communicated and he wanted to be with me 24/7, if not with he would be texting, the majority of our conversations we based around sex, or sex related topics. He was the type of guy who liked having sex everyday, where as I wasn't, if we didn't have it, he would say ooh I've been good today, and it annoyed me so much. It was little things, as appose to anything massive.

Because in my own mind I had decided it was over, and hadn't thought anything through, I foolishy slagged him off rotten to all my friends and family, who now rather dislike him. My mum is the only person that sympathises with me. I made a mistake of doing that and I regret it, because no one will ever like him again now.

For a month, my boyfriend has not left me alone, he texts everyday saying he misses me, and loves me, and he tries everything for us to get back together, sometimes when he's having a bad day, he's frustration shows through and he can come out with things like "i don't know why i try so hard, when you wont do anything for me etc" and says that I only look and see the negative in everything, I never see the positives. All he is asking for is another chance, and I'm scared to give it him, as I don't know what my mind is thinking.

I will try explain what is going through my mind:

1.) deep down I feel if its me only, I would give him another chance, things would have to change, we would have to communicate more, be less serious, and less sex talk etc.

2.) I feel I can't because I respect my family and my dad and sister hate him with a passion, my dad feels all this talk is harassment as appose to him really liking me. I feel how would he ever be accepted back in the house and I'm worried id lose my sister over him

3.)im worried in general, as I don't want to end up hurt again, or hurt him again if it doesn't work, I'm scared after a while things would go back to normal, and I'm worried about that.

Please can you help me, does it sound like harassment, or genuine? He never chases girls, and he has chased me since August 2007, I've messed him around by changing my mind, then dumping him, then getting back together, then dumping him, then telling him I miss him, and he still says that no matter what he loves me and wants to be with me, I'm just scared in case he sees me as inferior and feels he can manipulate me into whatever he wants?

I work with him, except we work different hours, our line manager dislikes him and tries to persuade me against him, as she feels he is cocky, arrogant, in love with himself, can't do his job properly etc, (deep down I'm not sure how he acts with her but I know he knows she doesn't like him, so he is probably different around her, also I feel that he doesn't try that hard as it is a part time job for both of us, and other work commitments are more important to us, but even still I always try my hardest at both, as for the cocky and arrogantness, I feel that sometimes he feels trapped, in work the lads are all into drugs, sex and naughty things, my boyfriend wasn't, but I feel "wrongly" he tried to be more like them, but failed, and although you shouldn't try to be someone your not, its hard in that situation and I feel that maybe he just wants to be liked? Bu it upsets me that he tries to be someone he isn't?) one of his so called best mates also slags him off saying he's got a screw loose etc.
But then you have the older ladies, who really like him and think he is so nice, and caring and warming, and has ambitions and think I'm mental for ending it, but then you wonder if he just sweet charms them? I mean I get on better with the older people in work as appose to the teens as I am certainly not into sex and drus and getting drunk every night.

I really need some help to weigh this situation up, I don't know whether all the effort is worth another chance or not?

If your breaking up with him constantly then going back with him, and also judging by peoples comments about him, I'd say he is very charming but no good.
Trust your instincts, if your instincts told you to keep breaking it off, they're probably right.
Its completely ridiculous that he is texting you everyday, he's obviously got nothing else but you on your mind, and obsessive love is a bad thing to get messed up with.
I say steer clear of him. Move on

Speaking from experience with the whole idea of not being giving a second chance. People CAN change, but only if they want to do it for themselves. Only you can be the judge of the fact that he has changed or not. A relationship is 2 people, not your manager, your sister or father. If they truly care about you, they will advise you what to do but accept your decision. I'm not saying dive back into this or even take him back, but weigh your decisions by making a pros/cons list about the relationship, him, and how you view things.

Imation - She is getting comments from people who are close to her, so obviously they will tell her whatever she needs to hear, but she also admitted to slamming this guy around them, so whatever good he did is overshadowed by bad things she continued to bring up.

I know not everyone can change, but I know that I feel a lot of anger towards my ex for not giving me time to change and prove I could change. So what I did was changed for myself and to prove her wrong. Every time I felt like giving up, I thought of all the things she said and now I have graduated my jealousy courses and feel like a brand new person.

Think about the situation wisely. I don't think its harassment unless you repeatedly tell him to stop

If you have told him to stop and not contact you then yes, it is harassment. BUT nothing can be done until you actually say to him, "If you contact me again, I will do...." (insert what you will do)

I went through this with an ex - a very persistent ex. He would call me 10 times in the course of two minutes, text me text after text at 3 and 4 am, play to my emotions, throw things in my face, etc.etc. I changed my phone number, service provider, AND actual phone just for good measure. He found the number. I went to the cops, it kept up.

Finally, after one particularly hard day (his mother emailed mine and told her all kinds of things) I went to the cops and this kind man told me what I had to do. He said that I had to tell him point blank what I would do if he contacted me again. And I had to do it if he did.

Now, I don't know if you're at that place, but if you are going to term this "harassment" then you need to know what you're going to be dealing with. If this is just a guy trying to win you back and you don't know if you want to give him another try then no, this is not harassment.

If you seriously want him out of your life then you need to tell him to stop. Then, if he does not respect your wishes, you tell him that if he does not stop you will take action. Then take action if he doesn't stop.

Good luck hon.

You must be firm in your rejection of his attentions, and leave no doubt as to your feelings. Talking bad about him was the wrong thing to do, but being wishy washy now, would be worse. He is obsessed with you, and you need to stand firm, so you both can move on. Then if he is persist ant, you must do what it takes for him to leave you alone. The others here, are correct in telling you to be very straight forward, as to what will happen if he continues bothering you. This relationship IS over, as he won't change.

Could he not be obbsessed because he likes me so much? I've messed him around rotten, yet he takes it all from me. I have never told him to leave me alone forever, but when I said I needed no contact time to sort my head, he left me, he even deleted my number so he couldn't text, he never text again, unless I texted him. He says he will wait as long as I need, but I'm scared to make that commitment, because I don't know how my dad and sister will deal with it.
My problem is I like him, I would try it again, but I have problems with commitment, I'm happy to be alone, occupy myself but it worries me if I don't get out there and meet people ill never find anyone, I've shared a lot with him, he's kept all my secrets, we never discussed anything in work, but at the same time he often never asked how my day had been, or wanted to continuously be in touch with me when I was busy.
He said he can change because he loves me so much, but why should anyone have to chance. So he called it adaptations. I think I'm abnormal as I don't desire sex or ever get horny, even after having sex.
I often feel sick and anxious thinking about him, but I don't know at all. Half of me wants to give him that chance, yet when I hear comments like the majority of these I'm just left in a huge dilemma.

I thought once he was out my life I would do more uni work, but I've done less, I waste more time than ever, I think about him constantly, if I know I'm going to see him I dress to impress, if I'm out of an evening I dress to impress and always on the look out, if I see him and he hugs or kisses me it makes my night, if I don't I often tell myself it was a rubbish night. Surely this means I like him? But I respect my dad, he does so much for me, he supports me and I don't want to disappoint him because then I wouldn't be happy.

It gets me down, as I feel so insecure, so unstable, so freakish its scary how mental I am!

My dear, you are not ready for what he wants, and not to be harsh, but your lack of indecision has you both in limbo. So until you grow in clarity, about what you want from life, leave him alone, and end the confusion, and take time to find yourself, and love yourself. Hard to make a decision with so many loyalty issues.

I think you should talk to him about what the problems were, I think you still like him. Its about you and him not what everyone else says. I believe people can change once given a second chance to think about what they have done wrong, but let him know that its will have to start slow, and to not get too attached until you let him know you are happy again. I'm not sure, but if you still have feelings for him its worth a shot.

I agree with talaniman's posts. Get yourself sorted out, heck, give it a year. Then, if you feel like it, re-connect with him.

Never ever foolishly slag anyone off rotten to your family and friends again. That stuff always backfires. Even if it seemed to be the right thing to do at the time. Kindness and directness will keep you going straight.