Hello All. I hope I am not wasting your time, but this situation is just eating at me and I would like to gather some opinions.

I have been out of an extremely bad relationship for about 2 months now(was in it about 7 years). I am very happy and proud of myself.

I started dating about a month later. Wasn't in it for the seriousness, just wanted to be the one who is treated nice for once. Well, the new person just ended up being the only person I am currently dating. We are not serious, however, we have talked about it and could eventually end up there-mutually, really.

Ok hope that was enough about that. So here is the story-An old acquaintance who use to live up the street from me happened to move back into the same house (her parents live there). Haven't seen or heard from her in about 4 years. When she left, her and I were not on good terms. She has always had a bad reputation for sleeping around/drugs. I don't know why but I always befriended her. I guess I felt sorry for her, even though she had tried to betray our friendship on a few separate occasions. Regardless, we grew up in the same neighborhood togther. We were just two completely opposite people.

Fastforwarding on now: Was having a slumber party for my 10 year old daughter last Saturday. My old acquaintance shows up out of the blue from nowhere, and acts as though we have always been good friends and everything was just honkey dorey. Ok whatever, so I let the past be in the past, and continued on as if we had always been friends.

Well, later on, my new "boyfriend" shows up. So we are all talking, laughing getting along.
I know my new guy is a good guy and that he is into me. I have complete trust in him as he has not yet done anything to question my faith within him.
However, she had made several passes to him, in which made him feel uncomfortable. She didn't do them in front of me, but I know how she is and I do believe what he tells me. However, he did not tell me that night. I knew something was wrong with him but he did not tell me. Anyhow, I walked down stairs to check on my girl and see how her party was going, and when I came back upstairs, he was gone. He did not say goodbye, he did not say a single word. He would not answer his phone as of course, I tried to call him.
So the next day I got ahold of him and that is when he told me all of this about my friend.
Then he insisted I had copped an attitude towards him, so he said he just felt uncomfortable, was pissed, and just left. He explained to me that he thought I had seen something and thought he was the one encouraging my "friends" behavior. I explained that I already knew how she was and I was upset that he wouldn't tell me what his problem was.

Ok well, that's pretty much the jist of it. Things are weird between him and I now and I don't know if I can handle someone like that. Am I in the wrong? I mean what could I have done, if only I had known? The fact that he was not willing to communicate with me and just left really hurt my feelings. I'm still trying to put back together all the self worth I had lost from my last relationship, I don't need someone else bringing me down. I just felt a little hearbroken that's all because if he would have communicated with me in the first place, I could have taken care of the situation.

Opinions welcomed. Thanks.

T

Things are weird between him and I now
As like what??

Is he still not open with you about what happened?. are you asking him about it anymore?.

As like what??.

is he still not open with you about what happenned?....are you asking him about it anymore??..

Well, I have explained his explanation in my above post. After he explained himself, he was like "So now what?" .

I didn't know what to say. I am still hurt that he had just left like that, but if I am wrong for still feeling that way, then that is what I am asking. I explained my reasonings in my post for my question.

I am not asking him about it any more. What's the point?

Thanks,

T

Would you have rather he stayed at your place with this woman making passes at him? I think it was a really good thing that he left. Maybe you could have warned him about her and what she was like. Maybe he should have told you that he was uncomfortable and leaving.

This shouldn't be a case of "blame." It seems like you guys just had a classic case of misunderstanding. You were preoccupied with the party for your daughter and he was flustered and uncomfortable about the obvious advances from someone you called a friend. I wouldn't read any more into this other than the fact that you need to communicate better.

Is it really a trust thing, here? I'm trying to see where he could have broken your trust or why you should, either one of you, be mad at the other.

Leave this as a misunderstanding and go on... I wouldn't be concerned or try and make it into something that it seems its not.

Good luck! :)

Would you have rather he stayed at your place with this woman making passes at him? I think it was a really good thing that he left. Maybe you could have warned him about her and what she was like. Maybe he should have told you that he was uncomfortable and leaving.

This shouldn't be a case of "blame." It seems like you guys just had a classic case of misunderstanding. You were preoccupied with the party for your daughter and he was flustered and uncomfortable about the obvious advances from someone you called a friend. I wouldn't read any more into this other than the fact that you need to communicate better.

Is it really a trust thing, here? I'm trying to see where he could have broken your trust or why you should, either one of you, be mad at the other.

Leave this as a misunderstanding and go on... I wouldn't be concerned or try and make it into something that it seems its not.

Good luck! :)

I agree with you that it seems more like a misunderstanding.

Maybe deep down I was just embarrassed that she had done that. Like I said, I hadn't seen or heard from the girl in about 3-4 years, so I really didn't expect her to act like that. Or maybe I was just hoping that she wouldn't... I'm not mad at him, I am just a little hurt that he thought he couldn't come to me before he just walked out without saying a word. Maybe I just need a little more time to get over it...
Thanks for your reply.

You're welcome, hon.

I'd tell him just what you said - that you were embarrassed. Sounds like this girl hasn't changed at bit from when you grew up... but at least, now you know! Don't let this become an issue with you and your man.

Make it something that you laugh at and that brings you closer, rather than drives you apart.

And, really hon, count yourself lucky that your guy high-tailed it out of there when confronted with a woman like her... some guys would have stayed and soaked up the attention. Turn it around as a compliment to him... not a negative.

Rosy colored, Barbie-girl-optimism... my goal in life! ;)

You have learned two things right off the bat, she is no friend, and deal with her accordingly, and you and the new guy are fresh in this, and have no communications built yet. Go slow and talk, but I think you should stay casual, until you know him better. There never is a hurry in a relationship, NEVER!

Should you be angry at him? For what? Not running immediately to you and telling you? Don't be silly, that's requires a level of maturity in your RELATIONSHIP you can't honestly expect at this stage. Maybe after years of trust you reach that point where you can laugh about the come-ons of others. So, no, anger at him is silly.

However, the moment the girl was outed by him you reward him with positive reinforcement. Let him see your calmness and trust in him. Then, walk to the phone with him in the room and call her:

"Hey, Sandy, yeah, look, I know we've been a part for a long time so you may not understand that I am a grown up now and trying to have grown up relationships. So, if you want to stay around, you need to not hit on my boyfriend, OK? I trust him, but it makes you look silly, dear, so cut that out. See you later."

He'll be in awe, she'll be stunned, and you're standing in the middle looking like the calm adult you are... someone who talks to people openly and without venom. What's the point of anger? If you really want your way, you give information with scarey self-control.

Just an idea. You don't need this girl in your life, so if she misbehaves again, give her a hug and instruct her to walk away and never return to your life. She's no longer welcome.

Should you be angry at him? For what? Not running immediately to you and telling you? Don't be silly, that's requires a level of maturity in your RELATIONSHIP you can't honestly expect at this stage. Maybe after years of trust you reach that point where you can laugh about the come-ons of others. So, no, anger at him is silly.

However, the moment the girl was outed by him you reward him with positive reinforcement. Let him see your calmness and trust in him. Then, walk to the phone with him in the room and call her:

"Hey, Sandy, yeah, look, I know we've been a part for a long time so you may not understand that I am a grown up now and trying to have grown up relationships. So, if you want to stay around, you need to not hit on my boyfriend, OK? I trust him, but it makes you look silly, dear, so cut that out. See you later."

He'll be in awe, she'll be stunned, and you're standing in the middle looking like the calm adult you are...someone who talks to people openly and without venom. What's the point of anger? If you really want your way, you give information with scarey self-control.

Just an idea. You don't need this girl in your life, so if she misbehaves again, give her a hug and instruct her to walk away and never return to your life. She's no longer welcome.

Thanks for the reply. I have resolved this issue already. She was in the same room with me while he was on the phone explaining to me what happened. When we hung up, I spoke with her. She told me she didn't remember doing it. I told her that it was time for her to leave.

He and I are in a calm understanding right now and things are going great. I was hurt that night he had left because I had no idea why. When he explained it to me and then when I spoke to her about it, I knew he had done the right thing.
So it's all good. Thanks!