Update after reading some replies:

* I don't want to get excited with another woman. At most I look at some pictures on the web. Isn't this normal? Seriously. I still love her, more each day as I said. But sexual arousal is a little different right? And even looking at pictures I'm not the same as before, so I'm thinking maybe medical?

* I don't take medication other than one-a-day men's daily vitamin, the one from costco. And my wife recently bought this joint supplement from Trader Joes since I run so much. Could that possibly have side effects like this?

* Otherwise this might be some head game like you say... how can I get myself out of this?

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I'm trying to find out if I'm losing sex drive or if I'm losing sexual attraction to my wife or both.

Where do I start? I'm going into my mid 30s, will be 34 this year. Very healthy. I lift weights. I weigh about 158, bench about 200. I do triathlon. I can run a sub 1:30 half marathon... so physically, on the surface, I think I'm OK. At least the non sexual part of the physical stuff.

I have a wonderful wife. A very successful career and most of all a beautiful 3 yrs old toddler.

I love sex (more so in the past than now perhaps). I have very dirty thoughts. My wife is very good in bed, but very normal, sex in various positions and oral. While I'm thinking about anal, deep throat, lesbians, whatever… I can get satisfied of those crazy stuff from Internet easy enough I guess.

But what I'm seeing these days is that I'm not getting turned on as much. In the past, 4 or 5 years ago say, I can simply think about something erotic or my wife simply touch me for 5 secs I'm rock hard. I can't respond like that anymore… Sometimes I don't at all. Sure, my wife does not look like a Victoria Secret model, but she's cute and attractive and I'm very much in love with her, more and more. Sexually, even drop dead pictures of chicks on the web no longer gets me going as much. Once I do get hard, it goes away very quickly. Early ejaculation is also an issue at times.

Don't know what's going on. I don't think it's ED, or at least hope not. I wake up in the middle of the night with major hardons, but not sexually aroused. Is it just age? Am I short on testosterones? But as I said, physically, from a sports perspective, I feel great.

I'm going to get a physical. Perhaps talk to the doc… Of course, it's a bit weird talking about this stuff. Hopefully you all here can help me out a little. I'll answer whatever you ask candidly.

Thanks a million in advance.

Start with what meds you you are taking including over the counter vitamins and supplements of any kind. Talk to your doctor or a urologist to see if there are any side effects that could be inducing head games with you.


I went through this very recently of an interaction caused by one med. The physical symptoms were very similar to yours.

The head part of this is the most dangerous. Listen to yourself, you tossed blame all over the place but, you are fine. May I suggest you start with yourself before you do something really dumb and hurt the two ladies in your life.

I promise you, I am not trying to berate or embarrass you. But if you think long and hard enough on it, you may start to believe that since your wife is not enough satisfaction to you, it next step is to tell to go out one night and test how well you work with someone else. And now you've got stand before wife and daughter and lie about what you have done. Please do not let that happen.

Try to recapture the lust you once felt for your bride. You will be the better for keeping the love with your wife, where it belongs.

In today's newspaper, a relationship expert said something to the effect that the lust in the early years of a relationship becomes the comfortable morning coffee and conversation phase. It sounds like that's where you are now. Sure, a hot babe at the gym will relight your fire, but she too would eventually turn into something ordinary, and then you'd be out looking for excitement again.

Better to talk with your current lady to come up (no pun intended) with ways to keep the sexual part of your relationship interesting and exciting. You may have to trek over to the public library to find helpful books (612.6) or have a few sessions with a relationship/sex therapist or creatively introduce new techniques and ideas on your own. Whatever your methods, it will become an adventure and lead to happy discoveries!

Too much physical exercise can inhibit sex drive. The triathalon endurance type is very effective in subduing sexual urges.