What would it be?

Now, don't go beating yourself up physically, I think we do that way too much in our society.

I am asking more about you as a person,. what is the one thing you would like to change about yourself?

Me? I wish I could stop being so darn oversensitive... :o (get feelings hurt on the fast side, especially if I care about the person)

And you? What would you like to change?

Interesting question!

I, like you, am overly sensitive and get my feelings hurt easily. I sometimes spend way too much time wondering and stressing about why the people I care about ( or even aquaintances) can treat me so badly sometimes, when I always try to treat them with concern and respect.
I sometimes end up angry and resentful towards those people, because I don't understand their lack of empathy. I also often get angry when they call me with their problems, and when I need and ear, they are too busy. I'm always the "go to" person. So, I guess that is something I would want to change so it doesn't bring me down when it feels like they are too busy in their daily life to care what is going on in mine. :)

I sometimes spend way too much time wondering and stressing about why the people I care about ( or even aquaintances) can treat me so badly sometimes, when I always try to treat them with concern and respect.
I sometimes end up angry and resentful towards those people, because I don't understand their lack of empathy. I also often get angry when they call me with their problems, and when I need and ear, they are too busy. I'm always the "go to" person. So, I guess that is something I would want to change so it doesn't bring me down when it feels like they are too busy in their daily life to care what is going on in mine. :)

Hi Starbuck,

Oh a lot of what you said sounds so familiar and it feels so good to not be alone. And Star, I mean this with all sincerity... you ever need an ear... I have two... and there always ready to listen.

I bet you and I are not alone in feeling some of these things. :).

Knock on my door anytime :) and thanks so much for sharing.

Thanks so much! I just may take you up on that the next time I'm pulling my hair out wondering "what just happened there?" Ditto to you!. I just so happen to have 2 ears too, so anytime you need to bend one, feel free! :)

Physically lol my boobs hell they need lifting, personality wise god this will sound big headed nothing I wouldn't change a thing I am who I am and I'm proud of that.

We all have weekness's but we should all be able to turn them into our strengths.

I always seem to put myself on the backburner.

i wouldnt change a thing i am who i am and im proud of that.

We all have weekness's but we should all be able to turn them into our strengths.

We all should say this 10x a day, have it tatotted to our foreheads and dance like no one is watching... or even heck... like the world is watching and we are proud to show our moves:p

Well done CBW -

We all should say this 10x a day, have it tatotted to our foreheads and dance like no one is watching...or even heck...like the world is watching and we are proud to show our moves:p

Well done CBW -

Hehehehee come on over hunn and shake that fine booty ;)

I would love so much to be able to say how I really feel. It seems as though I do not explain myself and my feelings as well as others. :)
BUT, if it all comes down to shaking my stuff, I have no problems! LOL Just ask my embarrassed kids!

I would like to have more compassion and patience with others.

I hold myself to high standards of personal responsibility, and of being self-sufficient, and I hold everyone ELSE to those standards too. Sometimes, though, people can't stand on their own feet, and I need to remember that I don't know what someone else's story is, and being kind to them is more loving than being angry with them for it.

I wouldn't care or worry about what other people think or feel about me, EVER!

I wouldn't care or worry about what other people think or feel about me, EVER!
:) :) :) :) :) Good girl! I don't care about what people think about me, just wish I could tell them, lol:D

I'd like to knock off my rosy glasses and my perpetual-Barbie-girl-optimism once in a while...

I tend to be a pushover at times, I let the softer side of my personality take over and I smudge the issue...

I'd love to be able to discern what's true, honest, and real, rather than assume that everything is always good, or that "they" always mean well and have "my best interest" at heart...

Does that make sense?

I would love so much to be able to say how I really feel. It seems as though I do not explain myself and my feelings as well as others. :)
BUT, if it all comes down to shakin my stuff, I have no problems! LOL Just ask my embarassed kids!

Rock on!. shake your stuff all over, and embarrass those kids! Lord knows they so it to us all the time! :D

START, I have gone from being the most loud mouth assertive person, to containing my emotions and not sharing every opinion out loud. The problem is, now there are people that deserve to hear what I think but it just creates more problems in the end. So maybe not caring what people think, say or feel about me will eliminate that problem! Yes Historianchick, you make lots of sense.. I think.. lol.. no seriously, you would read between the lines and be able judge people's intentions, and interests... yes I can totally relate to that. The rosy colored glasses keep things in a positive perspective, but not always the correct one..

Oh, don't I know about the whole "positive vs. correct perspective"!! It's a constant battle of mine.

I've been blessed with that perpetual Barbie-girl-optimism even though I've come through some pretty rough junk... I'm thankful for it, but I'd love to have a little stronger backbone at times! :)

Hey HChick, this place has really helped me get on track with that. Some of the people on here have taught me a great deal about rising up and not letting people use you, emotionally, physically, actually in any way. In some respects I have caused a lot of scuff here at home and with people I know because of my new found back bone. So be real careful, lol! In other instances it has helped with getting the respect I really deserved!

I'd like to knock off my rosy glasses and my perpetual-Barbie-girl-optimism once in a while....

I tend to be a pushover at times, I let the softer side of my personality take over and I smudge the issue....

I'd love to be able to discern what's true, honest, and real, rather than assume that everything is always good, or that "they" always mean well and have "my best interest" at heart...

Does that make sense??

That makes total sense to me! I tend to always want to see the best in people, and want to think their motives and intentions are coming from a good places... when in fact, I don't stop to think about what their own personal agenda might be. If I did that more often, maybe I wouldn't get so upset when I find out that some people are less than sincere, and in fact, down right cruel sometimes.

Oh, I'm never "walked on" per say, I just don't always say what I want to say.

I have enough of my Mother in me to not be walked on! LOL! :)

I didn't mean I let people walk all over me either, because my personality is part angel part b#*ch if I get pushed. I just tend to walk into situations with my eyes half closed sometimes, and I end up doing this contortionist move later when I'm trying to kick myself in the A$$. ;)

I didn't mean I let people walk all over me either, because my personality is part angel part b#*ch if I get pushed. I just tend to walk into situations with my eyes half closed sometimes, and I end up doing this contortionist move later when I'm trying to kick myself in the A$$. ;)


Girl, I think we were separated at birth. You described me to a "T"!! :D

Ok, physically? Rah... my chest. I'd love to go down a cup or two.

Then I would be perfect. Idyllic. Angelic all the time...

Er... I wish I were more outgoing. I stink when it comes to talking in groups. This computer is some of the best social stimulation I've had in ages.
Wow I just realised how sadly stupid that sounds.

Er... I wish I were more outgoing. I stink when it comes to talking in groups. This computer is some of the best social stimulation I've had in ages.
Wow I just realised how sadly stupid that sounds.
Not sad at all, as long as we remember our face to face values. :)

Girl, I think we were separated at birth. You described me to a "T"!!!! :D

Ok, physically?? Rah.... my chest. I'd love to go down a cup or two.

Then I would be perfect. Idyllic. Angelic all the time....

You can send your leftovers my way! I think when we were separated you were a little greedy! Hahaha! :D

Er... I wish I were more outgoing. I stink when it comes to talking in groups. This computer is some of the best social stimulation I've had in ages.
Wow I just realised how sadly stupid that sounds.

Talking on the computer has it's perks! For instance, I would have just made a total fool of myself in front of a crowd because I had a glass of tomato juice and turned around and knocked it over on my dog who is completely white!. and it's not even skunk season!
See what a wonderful thing the computer can be? :eek:

****Update for all of you beautiful people******

We are not going to ping our bodies... :) As we are all Naturally beautiful... Okie dokie :)

All of you wrote some beautiful and heartfelt post. It does so good to share and I truly thank you.

You can send your leftovers my way!! I think when we were separated you were a little greedy! hahaha! :D


LOL! Nice one. :)

I'd like to knock off my rosy glasses and my perpetual-Barbie-girl-optimism once in a while....

I tend to be a pushover at times, I let the softer side of my personality take over and I smudge the issue....

I'd love to be able to discern what's true, honest, and real, rather than assume that everything is always good, or that "they" always mean well and have "my best interest" at heart...

Does that make sense??


Historian.. make sense... it more then makes sense. My husband gets so :mad: at me, for just those reasons.

****Update for all of you beautiful people******

We are not going to ping our bodies...:) As we are all Naturally beautiful...Okie dokie :)

All of you wrote some beautiful and heartfelt post. It does so good to share and I truly thank you.
Allheart, I agree!
And I love this thread, you always seem to bring out the best in everyone! Even though this thread has shed some light on things we would like to change, it is still great and has found it's way into my heart already!
(by the way, Sunday I am going to work on a cross stitch, and your sig will be the main part, I know it has taken me a year to start it and I said I was going to paint it, but I changed my mind!) Hugs...

Allheart, I agree!
And I love this thread, you always seem to bring out the best in everyone! Even though this thread has shed some light on things we would like to change, it is still great and has found it's way into my heart already!
(by the way, Sunday I am gonna work on a cross stitch, and your sig will be the main part, I know it has taken me a year to start it and I said I was gonna paint it, but I changed my mind!) Hugs.....


Start,

There may be days I go quiet and there may be days I'm off making a mess of things on other threads, but there NEVER is a day that I am not so grateful to have "met" you and know you and even more, never a day that Start is not planted firmly in a part of my heart. I hope you know how truly much I mean that. You are just precious and just always brighten my spirts.

I saw that saying... either in Mother Theresa's book or on the internet and just fell in love with it.

Thanks again for the Sunshine. There may be days Start that have some bumps in them, but never let it change that beautiful person inside you.

**hugs back***

If I could change one thing about myself it would have to be:

To learn how to stand up for myself and what is right. I am constantly pushed around by

The people that I 'think' love me and in the end I feel like I have accomplished nothing,

Just letting the opposing person win the battle. And every time I think to myself 'why can't

I be stronger than that?'. I am too nice and I need not to be anymore.

Awww, gosh Allheart, right back atcha! Teary eyes and all! You are one of the "ones" that helped me see that light way back when and I have been working on that ever since!
And I know you haven't forgotten, our husbands are very much a like. LOL

If I could change one thing about myself it would have to be:

To learn how to stand up for myself and what is right. I am constantly pushed around by

the people that I 'think' love me and in the end I feel like I have accomplished nothing,

just letting the opposing person win the battle. And everytime I think to myself 'why can't

I be stronger than that?'. I am too nice and I need not to be anymore.

Don't stop being who you are, and don't stop being nice. That would be a shame! I know it's hard to stand up for yourself sometimes, and know all too well how it feels to be hurt by someone you love and you think loves you back the same way. You are probably stronger than you give yourself credit for! Don't switch teams and join forces with the ones that have hurt you. That will only make you feel worse and you'll be jaded and bitter. Don't let them win! :)

I would like to have more compassion and patience with others.

I hold myself to high standards of personal responsibility, and of being self-sufficient, and I hold everyone ELSE to those standards too. Sometimes, though, people can't stand on their own feet, and I need to remember that I don't know what someone else's story is, and being kind to them is more loving than being angry with them for it.



To my sweet wonderfully intelligent and beautiful Synn –

I don’t think you get angry….I think it’s more frustration. You want better for people who just don’t “get it” and get frustrated trying to explain it in a way that they will understand.

You just want better for people and get frustrated when it’s only they who hold themselves back.

You have a heart of gold Synn. Remember that.

For the longest time, I could only stand on my knees :( but the years have helped me to find one foot and I'm working on the other :p

You're a good strong women Synn - who loves and cares equally strong -

Don't stop being who you are, and don't stop being nice. That would be a shame! I know it's hard to stand up for yourself sometimes, and know all too well how it feels to be hurt by someone you love and you think loves you back the same way. You are probably stronger than you give yourself credit for! Don't switch teams and join forces with the ones that have hurt you. That will only make you feel worse and you'll be jaded and bitter. Don't let them win! :)


OH Star this is OUTSTANDING advice. The world needs more of the "nice" people... no reason to change to the other team just like Star said.

I honestly believe that all people at one time were nice, and kind. And then life sent some curve balls. Some caught the ball and tried to deal and learn from it, others the curve ball hurt them so much, they didn't know what to do with the hurt, so they unknowingly throw the ball back to try and hurt in hopes their pain is not seen.

Does that make sense?

You know what being nice is a very rare qaulity these days if you ask me most are far to quick to say no, if you have the qulity then don't ever wish it away it makes you truly special and dear to so many people even if they don't admit it.

You know what being nice is a very rare qaulity these days if you ask me most are far to quick to say no, if you have the qulity then dont ever wish it away it makes you truely special and dear to so many people even if they dont admit it.


More wise words from the new Mommy :)

That's a good point, CBW. Far too often we bypass the people that are genuinely kind and nice and focus attention on the ones that cut us off in traffic or don't hold a door. Good point.

We all should appreciate each other a little more...

For what its worth, I appreciate all of you!! I love this little e-community. And, I've loved all of the e-coffee chats I've been blessed to be a part of! :)

(Allheart, by the way - thanks for the greenie on that definition of love post. I just write what is in my soul. :))

Hardly wise just the trueth this world really is full of misserable gits and it's a shame really because if they just stopped and opened there eyes just that little bit more then things would certainly seem less dark to them.
Life is what we make it we all have those down days and those days are always for some reason what we remember the most they always were to me anyway but not any more my life became complete 3 weeks ago and I couldn't ask for any more I know I'm lucky and ill never forget that even though I complain a lot I don't really mean in.

OH Star this is OUTSTANDING advice. The world needs more of the "nice" people....no reason to change to the other team just like Star said.

I honestly beleive that all people at one time were nice, and kind. And then life sent some curve balls. Some caught the ball and tried to deal and learn from it, others the curve ball hurt them so much, they didn't know what to do with the hurt, so they unknowingly throw the ball back to try and hurt in hopes their pain is not seen.

Does that make sense?

Hi Heart.
That absolutely makes sense! I think all of us have been guilty of wanting to throw "that ball" back so the other person can feel the hurt like you felt it. I think that's a normal defence reaction, and I know I've been guilty of throwing that ball as hard as I can throw sometimes... but it never makes me feel better! I've tried really hard not to become cynical and hard, and it's so nice to meet other people (even if it is on the computer) that truly care what you have to say!
Even when it's storming, if you wait long enough the sun will peek through the clouds! :)
Remind me of that next week when I come online and I'm all grumpy, lol :)

Oh goodness CBW, you hit it right on the head here. I couldn't agree more. Although, it seems easy to see the bad, there is so much good in our lives that we just really need to start being thankful for. Life is what WE make it. And if we look at it that way, we haven't anyone to blame but ourselve for being mean and hurtful. Maybe that is why I try my hardest not to be and can't ever get those nasty words to come out of my mouth. I feel them, they just don't ever get out. Which is fine with me I suppose I can handle that. THanks for the words, and yes they are truly wise!

LMAO I might have turnt 31 on Tuesday but you can all stop calling me wise now blimey I'm starting to feel like old man time giggle love you all xxxx ;)

Happy Happy Birthday, Start jumps out of yer cake and scares you half to death. LOL

Gawd I hope you have clothes on giggle

LMAO i might have turnt 31 on tuesday but you can all stop calling me wise now blimey im starting to feel like old man time giggle love you all xxxx ;)


LMAO there CBW - and a Happy birthday to you... sorry... I started the wise craze.. hee hee

Gosh, I remember my 30s... they were some of the best years... YOU ENJOY :)

Gawd i hope you have clothes on giggle

Hahaha! We'll all gather round and sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you in the nude! What a sight! :eek: Keep your blinds drawn ladies, LOL!

Gawd i hope you have clothes on giggle

NOPE!! (blushing) :eek:

Ok, enough... yes, Happy Birthday! 31 is good, did you get a whiskar under yer chin?

LMAO hell I'm not getting nakey I just had a baby I'm more saggy than I care to even discuss 3 more weeks before I can start the intense walking and getting fit hehehehe

Start you know better than to start blushing ill make you worse if you admit it ;)

Oh gosh was there a time limit on when we needed to start getting back into shape after having babies, 13 years has gone by and I think I am really really late. Oh, I see some relevance here, that is another thing I would like to change... I would like to get some gosh darn exercise... but my brain just tells me not too! LOL

Start you run around like a headless chicken after your clan and hubby all day every day you get more exercise than a keep fit freak ;)

I just have to get rid of my yucky tummy I'm really not impressed giggle

Start you run around like a headless chicken after your clan and hubby all day every day you get more exercise than a keep fit freak ;)

I just have to get rid of my yucky tummy im really not impressed giggle
Wow, something else relevant to this thread. I would like to change that too. LMAO
Keep going you are getting somewhere with me. LOL
Oh geeze CBW, you are beautiful! Heal first then do yer thang!:D

Giggle trust me I'm doing my exercises that the physio gave me and I've already dropped plenty of weight hehehehe just have to keep up the tummy tightenings giggle it will be flat again stuff the stretch marks they aren't ever going to go and there worth it as Theo is just heavenly :D

I'm not jumping out a cake naked.

Just putting that in here.

CBW--happy belated!

I would change whatever it is and everything it is that has made my wife say that she doesn't love me anymore.

I would change whatever it is and everything it is that has made my wife say that she doesn't love me anymore.

WOW that's exceptionaly heart felt that's what I would call a good thing to tell your wife and a great way to start a descussion.

I would change whatever it is and everything it is that has made my wife say that she doesn't love me anymore.
No sweet wewed, that isn't the answer...
If you did all of this would you still be you? Would you only do it to make her happy or do you think you NEED to change these things too? You change for you sweet, only you.

I agree with CBW, this is a wonderful way to start a conversation with her!

Yeah... unfortunately guys, I have asked her, told her, and everythinged to her, but it is out of my hands. I am hoping it is just one of the "for better or worse" times in our marriage, but I tell you what, it is getting tough to wake up everyday.

I would do anything for my wife, and I honestly don't feel I have changed. Unfortunately, a mistake I have made (cheating prior to our marriage) has thrown her love into question. I couldn't be more sorry, I would literally do anything, but I have learned over the last couple months that there is nothing I can do, but keep being myself.

If anyone has any wise advice for getting over something like this I would be all ears.

Im afraid hunn trust is obviously the question here if you are both willing then it takes time and work sadly it's the one thing in a reletionship that can't be fixed in a day, I truly wish you luck and be patient she is obviously worth it or you wouldn't admit it.

LMAO hell im not getting nakey i just had a baby im more saggy than i care to even discuss 3 more weeks before i can start the intense walking and getting fit hehehehe

Start you know better than to start blushing ill make you worse if you admit it ;)


Just a little something I wrote up... to help you realize how beautiful you actually are!

I hope you like it and it's not too corney

Creating a miracle

As I sit and reflect on what the world has received
I smile so quietly at the joy that was conceived
The little fingers and hands that melt my heart
Little eyes searching at his new start
The wonderment and smile that looks my way
Is more then a Mom needs to start her day
With my hands on my stomach and eyes closed so tight
I thank the stars above both day and night
That my body was chosen to carry this treasure
And the love in my heart could never be measured
For every ounce gained and every mark that now appears
Is a sign of beauty and evidence that I help to create something so dear
I reopen my eyes and take his little hand
And it is then I realize and begin to understand
That the changes to my body that have taken place
Makes me far more beautiful as they now leave a trace
Of something so precious, something that I have done
I created at miracle that I now loving call my Son.

Yeah...unfortunately guys, I have asked her, told her, and everythinged to her, but it is out of my hands. I am hoping it is just one of the "for better or worse" times in our marriage, but I tell you what, it is getting tough to wake up everyday.

I would do anything for my wife, and I honestly don't feel I have changed. Unfortunately, a mistake I have made (cheating prior to our marriage) has thrown her love into question. I couldn't be more sorry, I would literally do anything, but I have learned over the last couple months that there is nothing I can do, but keep being myself.

If anyone has any wise advice for getting over something like this I would be all ears.


Wewed,

I did write something on your other post... not sure it helped at all... but I tell you what
Your pain at what you have done and your strong love for her can only help her see
How much you do care.

I got to run and will write more later. Hang in there.

Just a little something I wrote up...to help you realize how beautiful you actually are!!

I hope you like it and it's not too corney

Creating a miracle

As I sit and reflect on what the world has received
I smile so quietly at the joy that was conceived
The little fingers and hands that melt my heart
Little eyes searching at his new start
The wonderment and smile that looks my way
Is more then a Mom needs to start her day
With my hands on my stomach and eyes closed so tight
I thank the stars above both day and night
That my body was chosen to carry this treasure
And the love in my heart could never be measured
For every ounce gained and every mark that now appears
Is a sign of beauty and evidence that I help to create something so dear
I reopen my eyes and take his little hand
And it is then I realize and begin to understand
That the changes to my body that have taken place
Makes me far more beautiful as they now leave a trace
Of something so precious, something that I have done
I created at miracle that I now loving call my Son.


Oh you can't keep doing this to me speachless three times in one day lol thank you for that its lovely just like you xxxx

Yeah...unfortunately guys, I have asked her, told her, and everythinged to her, but it is out of my hands. I am hoping it is just one of the "for better or worse" times in our marriage, but I tell you what, it is getting tough to wake up everyday.

I would do anything for my wife, and I honestly don't feel I have changed. Unfortunately, a mistake I have made (cheating prior to our marriage) has thrown her love into question. I couldn't be more sorry, I would literally do anything, but I have learned over the last couple months that there is nothing I can do, but keep being myself.

If anyone has any wise advice for getting over something like this I would be all ears.

Hi Wewed,
As someone that has been cheated on, (more than once) I will tell you it's a hard road back to trust! You broke your connection that she felt she had only with you! This is where the old saying comes in... "you don't know what you've got till it's gone".

When you say you "honestly don't feel I have changed", well I hope you have or you don't have a snowballs chance of regaining her trust! If you think it's tough for "you" to wake up in the morning, just think of how tough it is for her, knowing what she knows! I'm sorry to be so rough, but it bothers me when men (and women, I not being biased) say, "I just made a MISTAKE" It was a conscious decision at the time, and you may regret it but never-the-less it was made.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be yourself... as far as "the guy she fell in love with" to begin with, but just saying you made a mistake doesn't cut it. Think of the worse case scenario... like lets say... she cheated on you with your best friend. Then think of what SHE would have to do to make that right with YOU! Think of how angry, and hurt, and confused you would be. Think about the thoughts that went through her head about why she wasn't good enough, or was the other girl prettier or sexier, was she smarter!! Put yourself in those "high heels".

You're going to have to give her time and be patient. In the meantime, start asking yourself questions about why you would do that to someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. :confused: Also, when you go to work, out with friends etc. pretend like she is standing behind you watching and hearing every word you say. If it isn't something you would say or do when she is there, it isn't something you should be saying or doing! Your life is going to have to be like a picture window for a long time if you expect to regain her trust! Treat her with the respect she deserves.

Good luck to you! Hopefully you learn a lot from this even if she decides she can't take you back.

:)

Ps. Stop "telling" her and "show" her! Actions are the best indicators.

Just a little something I wrote up...to help you realize how beautiful you actually are!!

I hope you like it and it's not too corney

Creating a miracle

As I sit and reflect on what the world has received
I smile so quietly at the joy that was conceived
The little fingers and hands that melt my heart
Little eyes searching at his new start
The wonderment and smile that looks my way
Is more then a Mom needs to start her day
With my hands on my stomach and eyes closed so tight
I thank the stars above both day and night
That my body was chosen to carry this treasure
And the love in my heart could never be measured
For every ounce gained and every mark that now appears
Is a sign of beauty and evidence that I help to create something so dear
I reopen my eyes and take his little hand
And it is then I realize and begin to understand
That the changes to my body that have taken place
Makes me far more beautiful as they now leave a trace
Of something so precious, something that I have done
I created at miracle that I now loving call my Son.

That is a beautiful poem! Your screen name says it all... "ALL HEART"! So happy to know you, wise soul! :D

Hi Wewed,
As someone that has been cheated on, (more than once) I will tell you it's a hard road back to trust! You broke your connection that she felt she had only with you! This is where the old saying comes in..."you don't know what you've got till it's gone".

When you say you "honestly don't feel I have changed", well I hope you have or you don't have a snowballs chance of regaining her trust! If you think it's tough for "you" to wake up in the morning, just think of how tough it is for her, knowing what she knows!! I'm sorry to be so rough, but it bothers me when men (and women, i not being biased) say, "I just made a MISTAKE" It was a consious decision at the time, and you may regret it but never-the-less it was made.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be yourself...as far as "the guy she fell in love with" to begin with, but just saying you made a mistake doesn't cut it. Think of the worse case scenario...like lets say...she cheated on you with your best friend. Then think of what SHE would have to do to make that right with YOU! Think of how angry, and hurt, and confused you would be. Think about the thoughts that went through her head about why she wasn't good enough, or was the other girl prettier or sexier, was she smarter!!? Put yourself in those "high heels".

You're going to have to give her time and be patient. In the meantime, start asking yourself questions about why you would do that to someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. :confused: Also, when you go to work, out with friends etc., pretend like she is standing behind you watching and hearing every word you say. If it isn't something you would say or do when she is there, it isn't something you should be saying or doing! Your life is going to have to be like a picture window for a long time if you expect to regain her trust!! Treat her with the respect she deserves.

Good luck to you! Hopefully you learn alot from this even if she decides she can't take you back.

:)

ps. stop "telling" her and "show" her! Actions are the best indicators.


Thank you for your insight. I know how horrible she feels. I live it everyday with her. THe mistake I made wasn't really typical, and it really wasn't a mistake. It was more like a defense mechanism gone terribly wrong. I will kind of nutshell my scenario quick for you as it cold get lengthy if I let it. This by no means in me trying to escape responsibility, trust me. My heart hurts everyday, not because I was wrong and got caught, but because it pains me tosee the way my wife, my soulmate, my best friend looks at me everyday.

My wife and I dated for a few months when we were 18 and 19 yrs old. We got pregnant. Iwas a freshman in college, her a senior in HS. We decided we were going to have the baby and work hard to raise the child together. We moved in together. I got a job, she got a job and everything was OK. We were young and stressed and I guess I got a little over protective. She never told me. One day she tells me she is leaving and if she has her way I will never see our baby. She was a couple months pregnant at the time. THings went badly, we both cursed each other, threatened each other. It was horrible.

I didn't get visitation rights with my daughter until she was 11 months old. From then on we had a great co-parenting relationship. We always got along things always went well. Three years later I am in the tail end of a two plus year relationship and my wife comes to me and proffesses her love that never died. We fall back in love.

Ten months later we get married and then 17 months later we have our second child. For the first 3-4 months of our relationship I was scared crapless tha I was getting duped. I was afraid I was caught off guard by everything, but it felt so right. The fear of being left by the wayside again and my heart in a bucket made me string along the relationship I was in when my wife had professed. Not much sexual anything, twice in 3-4 months. A lot for hanging out and going to the gym and grabbing coffees and stuff like that. All telling her hey I love this girl she is the mother of my child I have to give her a chance, but I don't know if it will work so hangout and if it doesn't work we can try to work things out (sounds stupid I know). THat was my cheating. Holdng onto my security blanket because I wa afraid t give my whole heart to the woman who had crushed it before.

It was a mistake. There are million ways I could've done it different. I didn't. My affair wasn't during our marriage. It wasn't because our relationship was lacking anything, except maybe trust. As soon as I could tell myself that I wanted to be with my wife I wanted to give it a go and I will suffer the conseqences if it fails I broke off the other relationship. 5-6 months before our marriage.

I then lied about it. And lied about it. She confronted me several times andI told her to quit worrying. I lied for a year. Then it all came out. Now we are left with this pile of rubble called a marriage.

I love my wife. I know what I did was wrong and unjustifiable. I know the pain I have caused. I kow the anger she has. I know the distrust she has. I know what it feels like to get hit by that freight train you don't know is coming. I am sorry. I would take away all the pain if I could. I lerned from my mistake. I have been as clos to perfect as possible through our entire marriage. I am not a load. I don't cheat. I try not to lie about anything. I am sure I slip up now and then with white lies (yes I started the laundry, no I didn't pee on the toilet seat). I cook. I clean. I give massages. I get up with the kids. I worked hard so she didn't have to go back to work after she had the baby. I supported her through probably 6 different job changes. I would do ANYTHING for this woman. ANYTHING. I just want to erase something that is so worthless to me. I want to take it all back. I never served a purpose other than being my teddy bear when I was scared I might be let alone again. I never loved my wife any less during that time. It never affected our relationship. It could have not happened and our life would have not been any different.

I hurt my wife. I have put myself in her shoes everyday for the last six months. I know that I would forgive her and still be able to be happy if she felt like I feel right now. If she told me she loved me and made a mistake and wanted to be with me and raise these kids and be a family I would forgive that woman for anything. I mean that. I sincerely am more disgusted with myself than anyone else is. I live everyday now thinking that I may be responsible for ruining four lives. Three of which didn't get to choose what happened.

I am sorry. I want to give us time to make a come back. But she says she doesn't. She says she doesn't want to try. That she doesn' miss the good times. THat she doesn't love me anymore. That she doesn't want anything frm me.

All I want is to love her and make her happy. I want to raise our kids. Retire and die holding hands. THERE IS NOT A THING IN THE WORL D I WOULDN'T DO RIGHT NOW FOR FORGIVENESS.

The end. Sorry it got long. I just wanted you to hear the whole thing. Abridged version. It is my fault... I just want the OPPORTUNITY to fix it. Not saying we can get through it (I think we can) but just the opportunity to show that wasn't me. It as a blip on the radar.

Help? Anyone?

Thank you for your insight. I know how horrible she feels. I live it everyday with her. THe mistake I made wasn't really typical, and it really wasn't a mistake. It was more like a defense mechanism gone terribly wrong. I will kind of nutshell my scenario quick for you as it cold get lengthy if I let it. This by no means in me trying to escape responsibility, trust me. My heart hurts everyday, not because I was wrong and got caught, but because it pains me tosee the way my wife, my soulmate, my best friend looks at me everyday.

My wife and I dated for a few months when we were 18 and 19 yrs old. We got pregnant. Iwas a freshman in college, her a senior in HS. We decided we were gonna have the baby and work hard to raise the child together. We moved in together. I got a job, she got a job and everything was OK. We were young and stressed and I guess I got a little over protective. She never told me. One day she tells me she is leaving and if she has her way I will never see our baby. She was a couple months pregnant at the time. THings went badly, we both cursed eachother, threatened eachother. It was horrible.

I didn't get visitation rights with my daughter until she was 11 months old. From then on we had a great co-parenting relationship. We always got along things always went well. Three years later I am in the tail end of a two plus year relationship and my wife comes to me and proffesses her love that never died. We fall back in love.

Ten months later we get married and then 17 months later we have our second child. For the first 3-4 months of our relationship I was scared crapless tha I was getting duped. I was affraid I was caught off guard by everything, but it felt so right. The fear of being left by the wayside again and my heart in a bucket made me string along the relationship I was in when my wife had professed. Not much sexual anything, twice in 3-4 months. Alot fo hanging out and going to the gym and grabbing coffees nd stuff like that. All telling her hey I love this girl she is the mother of my child I have to give her a chance, but I don't know if it will work so hangout and if it doesn't work we can try to work things out (sounds stupid I know). THat was my cheating. Holdng onto my security blanket because I wa affraid t give my whole heart to the woman who had crushed it before.

It was a mistake. There are million ways I could've done it different. I didn't. My affair wasn't during our marriage. It wasn't because our relationship was lacking anything, except maybe trust. As soon as I could tell myself that I wanted to be with my wife I wanted to give it a go and I will suffer the conseqences if it fails I broke off the other relationship. 5-6 months before our marriage.

I then lied about it. And lied about it. She confronted me several times andI told her to quit worrying. I lied for a year. Then it all came out. Now we are left with this pile of rubble called a marriage.

I love my wife. I know what I did was wrong and unjustifiable. I know the pain I have caused. I kow the anger she has. I know the distrust she has. I know what it feels like to get hit by that freight train you don't know is coming. I am sorry. I would take away all the pain if I could. I lerned from my mistake. I have been as clos to perfect as possible through our entire marriage. I am not a load. I don't cheat. I try not to lie about anything. I am sure I slip up now and then with white lies (yes I started the laundry, no I didn't pee on the toilet seat). I cook. I clean. I give massages. I get up with the kids. I worked hard so she didn't have to go back to work after she had the baby. I supported her through probably 6 diffrent job changes. I would do ANYTHING for this woman. ANYTHING. I just want to erase something that is so worthless to me. I want to take it all back. I never served a purpose other than being my teddy bear when I was scared I might be let alone again. I never loved my wife any less during that time. It never affected our relationship. It could have not happened and our life would have not been any different.

I hurt my wife. I have put myself in her shoes everyday for the last six months. I know that I would forgive her and still be able to be happy if she felt like I feel right now. If she told me she loved me and made a mistake and wanted to be with me and raise these kids and be a family I would forgive that woman for anything. I mean that. I sincerely am more disgusted with myself than anyone else is. I live everyday now thinking that I may be responsible for ruining four lives. Three of which didn't get to choose what happened.

I am sorry. I want to give us time to make a come back. But she says she doesn't. She says she doesn't want to try. That she doesn' miss the good times. THat she doesn't love me anymore. That she doesn't want anything frm me.

All I want is to love her and make her happy. I want to raise our kids. Retire and die holding hands. THERE IS NOT A THING IN THE WORL D I WOULDN'T DO RIGHT NOW FOR FORGIVENESS.

The end. Sorry it got long. I just wanted you to hear the whole thing. Abridged version. It is my fault...I just want the OPPORTUNITY to fix it. Not saying we can get through it (I think we can) but just the opportunity to show that wasn't me. It as a blip on the radar.

Help? Anyone?

I think I may have misjudged you!

I have read some of your other posts, and you sound like you are genuinely remorseful and want to do things the right way to show your wife how truly sorry you are. I'm not excusing your behaviour when you cheated, but I wish there were more men like you out there. It's refreshing to hear someone admit their mistakes and willing to try anything to prove that it is something they would never do again.

I sincerely hope your wife will come around with her feelings towards you. From what I've read, you sound like a good man who truly regrets his actions. I have been with some real snakes in my life, and not one of them cared how deeply they hurt me, and how it affected future relationships. I think trust is the most devastating thing for a person to lose.

Just a suggestion, have you read a book by Dr. Phil called "Relationship Rescue", and another called "Family Matters"? I'm not trying to promote Dr. Phil, but these books make very good sense and have plans of action. Couldn't hurt to read them right? ;)

I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world!

Chin up! :)

For myself personally, there may be things I would like to change. For example how I handle certain situations and people. I try to look at the positives but like some others I tend to worry about other people think about me. Then I am unable to move forward. Until I get a sense that it does not matter what other people think and as long as I am doing my best to become a better, loving and kinder person to everybody including others who are not that way towards me. We all need to try to focus more on the positive, not the negative. I agree with others that have said, many aspects that might seem negative usually can turn them into a good thing.

For myself personally, there may be things I would like to change. For example how I handle certain situations and people. I try to look at the positives but like some others I tend to worry about other people think about me. Then I am unable to move foward. Until I get a sense that it does not matter what other people think and as long as I am doing my best to become a better, loving and kinder person to everybody including others who are not that way towards me. We all need to try to focus more on the positive, not the negative. I agree with others that have said, many aspects that might seem negative usually can turn them into a good thing.

I know what you mean. I think sometimes we worry too much about the opinions of other people. Myself included. But I heard one time that if we actually knew how little time people spend thinking about something we did that made us wonder what they must have thought, we wouldn't waste our time worrying because they've probably forgotten anyway. So I think we needlessly torture ourselves sometimes ;) Sometimes it gets hard to see the positive when there is so much negativity around us, but it's worth the old college try, lol.

I see we both live in Igloo-town, brrrr... haha, stay warm! :)

Hello, my dear friend All:

I thought about it a lot.

Although, in hindsight, there are certainly things I would have done differently - and, there are things about me that aren't great today... but, I'm OK with who I am.

Oh, I spent a great deal of time shaping my life in the past. I worked hard and changed a lot of things.. The techniques I learned are still in play. But, it never was a lifelong pursuit. It was a project with a beginning and an end. Like art to the artist - you need to know when to walk away.

My LIFELONG pursuit these days is trying to change everybody else.

excon

I sort of feel the same as you, Allheart, only kind of from the other side of the coin in that I worry too much about hurting someone else's feelings. I feel like I always walk on eggshells for fear of offending someone. By nature I'm a "tell-it-like-it-is" kind of guy. Or, perhaps more accurately, I should say "tell-it-like-it-is-from-my-perspective." But my parents raised me with a "you have to be a Mr. Nice Guy" type of mentality and I was usually made to feel guilty if I expressed an outright opinion of something unless I watered it down and sugar-coated it to the point that it really wasn't even my opinion any more. And sometimes even doing all of that didn't help. In my adult life I experienced several setbacks early in my career, either for expressing opinions that were, shall we say, "less than popular" or for failing to speak up at all, for fear of offending "the wrong person." You know, kind of a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" scenario. And the thing that angers me the most is that I see other people get away with it all the time. Now I'll admit that in a lot of cases discretion is called for and it's important to know the difference when it's OK to spout off and when to keep one's mouth shut. And a lot of people don't seem to know that difference. I think that's the one positive thing I've learned from getting my butt reamed on those occasions that I dared to have an opinion about something, that I've developed a good sense of discretion. But I do wish I could be a little more outspoken without having to feel guilty about it all the time. And, even though you said not to mention it, losing 30 lbs. wouldn't be such a bad idea either, lol!

Like art to the artist - you need to know when to walk away.

excon

To the most handsome Excon I have had the privilege to "know" - I will keep your words in mind as I go through my internal house cleaning, but the one thing I hope I leave unchanged is the part of me that somehow mangaged to be forturnate to have you as a friend... I mean that with Allheart ;)

Thank you for your brilliant mind that you give so many everyday and even just as important the laughter that you give us with your incredible wit.

No get back to changing the world my friend... you do make a difference and boy do we need it...

****hugs****

I sort of feel the same as you, Allheart, only kind of from the other side of the coin in that I worry too much about hurting someone else's feelings. I feel like I always walk on eggshells for fear of offending someone. By nature I'm a "tell-it-like-it-is" kind of guy. Or, perhaps more accurately, I should say "tell-it-like-it-is-from-my-perspective." But my parents raised me with a "you have to be a Mr. Nice Guy" type of mentality and I was usually made to feel guilty if I expressed an outright opinion of something unless I watered it down and sugar-coated it to the point that it really wasn't even my opinion any more. And sometimes even doing all of that didn't help. In my adult life I experienced several setbacks early in my career, either for expressing opinions that were, shall we say, "less than popular" or for failing to speak up at all, for fear of offending "the wrong person." You know, kind of a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" scenario. And the thing that angers me the most is that I see other people get away with it all the time. Now I'll admit that in a lot of cases discretion is called for and it's important to know the difference when it's OK to spout off and when to keep one's mouth shut. And a lot of people don't seem to know that difference. I think that's the one positive thing I've learned from getting my butt reamed on those occasions that I dared to have an opinion about something, that I've developed a good sense of discretion. But I do wish I could be a little more outspoken without having to feel guilty about it all the time. And, even though you said not to mention it, losing 30 lbs. wouldn't be such a bad idea either, lol!


Now, you my friend are being put on electronic time out :D I bet those 30 pounds like just where they are :)

I completely understand your fear of hurting someone's feelings by expressing yourself.

I have always said, much rather be the one to hurt then cause hurt.

I feel nothing but devestation when I hurt someone. And I more then understand the guilt factor after you do speak up. And there are those who just seem to breeze through and say what they will and appear to remain untouched. But I bet you cianci, they are not as untouched as we may think, we just don't get to see it.

Continue to speak up and test the waters. As long as you mean well in your heart and mind and speak to obtain a positive result, never feel bad. By you sharing your view, you could help someone else who feels the same but hesitant to speak.

If you do continue to feel a little zap after expressing yourself, that's okay too, I think it helps us to stay in check. I don't think we really ever want to loose that "zap" effect completely. We'd sound like some of the Noobs from here :D

Thanks so much for sharing... it means and helps a lot!

Ma Past.

Now, you my friend are being put on electronic time out :D I bet those 30 pounds like just where they are :)Exactly. And that's the whole problem!


And there are those who just seem to breeze through and say what they will and appear to remain untouched. But I bet you cianci, they are not as untouched as we may think, we just don't get to see it.Yes, this is probably true in most cases.


By you sharing your view, you could help someone else who feels the same but hesitant to speak. Good point.

Thanks for the feedback.

I think I may have misjudged you!

I have read some of your other posts, and you sound like you are genuinely remorseful and want to do things the right way to show your wife how truly sorry you are. I'm not excusing your behaviour when you cheated, but I wish there were more men like you out there. It's refreshing to hear someone admit their mistakes and willing to try anything to prove that it is something they would never do again.

I sincerely hope your wife will come around with her feelings towards you. From what I've read, you sound like a good man who truly regrets his actions. I have been with some real snakes in my life, and not one of them cared how deeply they hurt me, and how it affected future relationships. I think trust is the most devastating thing for a person to lose.

Just a suggestion, have you read a book by Dr. Phil called "Relationship Rescue", and another called "Family Matters"? I'm not trying to promote Dr. Phil, but these books make very good sense and have plans of action. Couldn't hurt to read them right? ;)

I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world!!

Chin up!! :)


Thank you for the reading suggestions... I will stop by Barnes and Noble on the way home today. I will try anything that may help. It just eats at me everyday that there is nothing more I can do. I am the type of person that when there is a problem I just want it fixed... NOW. I fully wrap my head around the fact that this thing isn't going to resolve itself in "Tim Time" and I am OK with that, but I just wish I could get my instincts and subconcious to go along with that knowledge.

It is a terrible thing I have done and a terrible time I am in right now, but like they say "This too shall pass". I thank you for your support and I hope my wife will let me back in. I hope the old saying of "It's never too late" can apply to us.

Have a great day!

I wish I could change how I speak - I have I lisp

i wish i could change how i speak - i have i lisp


HI Jackie,

There's nothing wrong at all with speaking with a lisp. But I guess there are all things about ourselves that are okay, but we would rather change anyway.

Have you tried, when you are all alone, getting a book and reading out loud and go very slowly? Keep reading a little every night, kind of like practicing?

Thank you for sharing Jackie :)

I have something else I would like to change. MY SLEEP PATERN! ;) Sooo tired, yet so wide awake!

Here you go my friend :)

http://www.crayoncastles.com/i/Bumblebugs/Counting_Sheep.jpg

i wish i could change how i speak - i have i lisp


Who is the cruel and unsual Englishman who decided to spell lisp L-I-S-P?

I think lisps are sexy ;-)

Here you go my friend :)

http://www.crayoncastles.com/i/Bumblebugs/Counting_Sheep.jpg

Thanks Allheart, that was sweet! However, I'm the one who stole "Little Bo Peeps" sheep, and am on the lookout for another flock, lol ;)

LOL that's why your up have the night my dear :)

If I didn't laugh I would cry today at work. Boo stinkin who.

Sending sunshine to all though. :) and I should be grateful I have a job... there now I feel better :).

I wonder if that job every opened up where I could just stand there and say...

The plane... The plane... Boss The plane... ( I have officially lost it ) If anyone finds it -
Loose it again for me... merci :)

I know how often I've had really bad days at work, and wanted to just cry, or scream, or walk out.

However... I've been unemployed for 4 months, with a very few temp jobs in between.

Be grateful for your job, no matter how awful, because the market being what it is, the situation could be worse. You could be unemployed, along with thousands of others.

Hahaha, you're funny! Don't worry about your mind, mine is keeping it company. While we are working, they are probably out there playing "mind games" LOL

Oh Synn - I am so very sorry. I didn't know :(. I remember those days you had. I remember how much they were scaling back and you were juggling all of it. Oh sending special thoughts Synn.

************************************************** **********

Thanks Star - feels not lonely out in the looney :).

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Synn - hugs to you. Something good will pop for you. Something wonderful is just waiting for you to meet up with it.

*************************************************

Have a good day guys!

I know how often I've had really bad days at work, and wanted to just cry, or scream, or walk out.

However...I've been unemployed for 4 months, with a very few temp jobs in between.

Be grateful for your job, no matter how awful, because the market being what it is, the situation could be worse. You could be unemployed, along with thousands of others.


Job problems? You should let me know what line of work you are in and what you are looking for. I know a lot of people in this great state and may be able to help you out! PM me if you want ;-)

Job problems?? You should let me know what line of work you are in and what you are looking for. I know alot of people in this great state and may be able to help you out! PM me if you want ;-)


Oh Wewed... that is just so awesome.

You are the man!! Even just for reaching out. I love it.

Thank you bunches and bunches!


**crossing fingers very tightly***

You all are so positive I am smiling right now! So many kind words and truths have already passed through here. I just love it!
Good luck with the work Synnen!
Working hard to stay positive! Hugs to all.

You all are so positive I am smiling right now! So many kind words and truths have already passed through here. I just love it!
Good luck with the work Synnen!
Working hard to stay positive! Hugs to all.

Hugs to you Start... I hope you are doing good :).

Love you honey - You know you are my sunshine.

Wow... that's awesome!

I'm working a temp job right now that I HOPE will go permanent (I'll probably find out soonish) at Brown College.

I do admin/clerical stuff. I'm fairly qualified in all sorts of office support, though.

I just love you all. Thanks for the support

I am hoping that all of my good deeds in daily life will somehow earn me forgiveness from the only person that truly matters to me. It doesn't seem to be doing the trick though. Not to say I haven't always been nice, but I am trying to give it a bit extra nowadays. To tell you the truth, trying to help other people on here has been the best therapy and one of the only ways I have been able to stay positive over the last few weeks. So really, I thank all of you for having problems :-)

Let me know if anyone happens to invent a time machine ;-)

Wow...that's awesome!

I'm working a temp job right now that I HOPE will go permanent (I'll probably find out soonish) at Brown College.

I do admin/clerical stuff. I'm fairly qualified in all sorts of office support, though.

I just love you all. Thanks for the support


Well, you will have to let me know if it doesn't get you where you are wanting to go. I know the owner of Minnesota School of Business and I also know the GM's of probably 80% of the large auto dealerships in this state... so if it clerical you need... I would be happy to try and help!

Let me know if it comes to that!

Good luck!

Well, you will have to let me know if it doesn't get you where you are wanting to go. I know the owner of Minnesota School of Business and I also know the GM's of probably 80% of the large auto dealerships in this state...so if it clerical you need...I would be happy to try and help!

Let me know if it comes to that!

Good luck!


Forget Hillary... Forget McCain... Forget Omaba...

Ladies and Gentlemen... Allow me to introduce President Wewed :).

It be a landslide my friend ;)

I thank you from the bottom of my Allheart - :) What a great thing.

***Dancing among the stars*****

*** May smiles come your way very soon Wewed... I have this feeling they will ***