My boyfriends wife left him and we started seeing each other right after she left. Now she is acting crazy trying to kill herself and make threats that he won't see the kids anymore. We love each other very much. Should we continue our relationship or wait for them to divorce?

Do not continue the relationship. Wait until he gets a divorce from his estrange wife.

You can still continue with the relationship.

Just don't flaunt it in front of the wife.

Wait for a divorce... married men WILL tell you ANYTHING possible to keep you as a mistress. Married guys literally end up with their mistress 3% of the time.

If it is right - wait for the divorce... other wise he IS using you.

I agree wait for the divorce, I hate to say it but everyone does have a point here. His true feelings will all be laid on the table if you wait until after the divorce. One of two things will happen if you do:1) He will leave his wife and go through the divorce or 2) He will want to try and work things out with her but still keep you around for you know"just in case"

I agree with the other comments. Guys hit on me every day, and most of them are cute successful single guys, but some of them are married. I would never get involve with a married man. As a woman you should take into consideration the wife's feelings. Keep in mind that some married men have lots of lines. They'll tell you that their wife has left them, or they haven't had sex with their wives for years. They will also try to convince you that they're trying to get a divorce from their wife, but they don't leave their wife's because getting a divorce and paying child support can be expensive for them. And there are married men who want their cake and eat it too, so they will go out and get a mistress. I think women who get involve with married men need to wise up and have some respect for themselves. There's so many single guys out there, find yourselves someone that is single and stay away from these married men.

Priscilla, you should be careful, this is a married man with kids. I understand that he told you that his wife has left him, but there are 2 sides to the story. There's probably a reason why his wife is acting hysterical and threatening to not let him see the kids. The last thing you want to do is get involve in a domestic feud between a husband and his wife. I suggest that you wait until he actually divorces his wife.

How do you even know each other so well, if you just started seeing him after his wife left? There must be a lot more to the story then your telling but it is better to wait for the divorce and everything finalized. If you truly love each other then waiting patiently for awhile will not hurt.

Most likely the wife is till in the picture. They WILL try and work things out. He is using thi gal.

Most likely the wife is till in the picture. They WILL try and work things out. He is using thi gal.

How do you really know that for sure wildcat? That may be case for some, but not neccessariy in this one.

Because... it's a married guy. He wants his cake and eat too. Always. Only about 3% are legitimate.

Because....it's a married guy. He wants his cake and eat too. Always. Only about 3% are legitimate.

I see your point. Very true. But I think this guy has already left his wife and has a new girlfriend, but the wife wants him back - or do you think it still applies??

If you two know each other so well then there has been some hanky-panky while he was married.So if a man cheats on his wife with 2 kids ,you mean he'd never do that to you huh!His wife is such a ***** that she drove him to your waiting arms?He is so true blue and you feel so sorry for him going through changes with his WIFE that you just wanted to comfort him!She is acting so badly now that your ready to take her place, divorce or not?I have a sneaky suspicion that we will see your future post here... WHY IS HE CHEATING ON ME! Get a clue and let the man take care of his old business before you come jumping in with your own needs!:cool: :eek:

Well I'm in the same situation, I'm involved with a married man, and in march it'll be one year since our "fling" started. I remember in the beginning he was so nice, like he'd do anything for me, but now he's like it doesn't matter to me, but yet he's very overprotective and gets jealous easily. I remember a couple of weeks ago I said "oh you know you love me" and he's like well I can't deny that. We've never told each other that we love one another. So is he in a way telling me he loves me, or just saying this because he knows this is what I want to hear?:( I mean what do you do especially when your only 17 and he's 27 and he took your virginity, its hard just to be "done" with them. Its easier said than done

I will address one issue I did not see address by others.

He is married ( assuming a divorce over the next many months)
But he will always have an exwife and he will have "kids" by her. So this lady will be in his life till these kids are 18 and sometimes longer.

So she will keep saying nad doing things and trying to use the kids to hurt this person till you can start guess which attack she will use next time. So sorry but you can expect her to try and make your life a living hell till those kids are grown and on their own. ( or she gets tired of doing it)

If he has not been separated more than 4 or 5 months, you are most likely a rebound, someone to get him over or someone to be fun or different, very seldom does these relationship make it,

Its easier said than done,but single people should leave married people alone,as far as those flings go.So now your probably seeing him the way his wife did .When he gets tired of you all he has to do is find another dumb female to run his lines on and then you'll really see what his wife went through!:cool:

Its easier said than done,but single people should leave married people alone,as far as those flings go.So now your probably seeing him the way his wife did .When he gets tired of you all he has to do is find another dumb female to run his lines on and then you'll really see what his wife went thru!:cool:

Damn that was put so well! ;)

jenbry2007 - get out of that relationship NOW. That man is using you. You're a minor. PLEASE!! He doesn't love you - he tells you thinsg to string you along. Please get counseling and help NOW!!

Cut off the sex and tell him to get a divorce... and then you can be together. I bet $1 million dollars he will be gone fast.

Married men will tell you anything to keep the sex going!! Trust me.

You're to young to be involved with scum like that.

PLUS - it's probably illegal where you live.

TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT THIS NOW!! Do you think they would approve??

Wildcat21:

* I'm in counseling now, it sort of helps, I'm reading a book that's called "Why do they do that" about being in a abusive relationship since he's "mentaly" abusing me. But most of it I can't really relate to because I'm not around him 24/7. you know?

*actually where I live its only legall if you have the parents permission

*my mom knows about it, and she did put a stop to it and that only lasted about month and a half and then I was rite back where I started, seeing him again, my mom found about that and she said well imnot going to tell you to stop seeing him because if I do that you'll just find a way to see him. She said that she needs me to learn for myself about what kind of mistake this is, and blah blah blah, you know? But I'm trying everyday to get out of this, its hard. I know its not easy and I know I should just end it but now that my hearts in it I just don't know.

End it now. This is so unhealthy Hun. Please, this guy is a massive creep and you don't even realize it.

If it was OK he could tell his wife.

That one thing in life I've learned - if it's OK I can tell my Gal.

Just tell him GET LOST!! Wh ydo yo udo this? Stop ALL communication.

It's is abuse - not love - he's using you.

QUIt using your feelings and use LOGIC here. Women Always get in trouble when they use their feelings.

I KNOW, that's why its so stinking hard, because we use our feelings

Yes you do. It gets women in trouble all the time.

Of course you will be there for him,he has driven one women crazy and now ,instead of dealing with his life,he has another female to give him sympathy and love... YOU!

Priscilla - wait for the divorce.

I would steer clear of this messy marriage if I were you. In my own experience I have seen that when someone just gets out of a marriage they probably are better off with time on their own so that they can learn how to take care of themselves and be by themselves again. Are you sure you have all the facts or is all of this just what you hear from the husband? Many times the instigating behavior is left out of the conversation so that you won't know what you are getting into...

This goes for priscilla and jenbry... it's reality check time...
If he didn't dump the wife by now odds are he's going to stay... because "I can't do that to the kids".. or
"I may not love her as much but i can't see her hurting herself and leaving the kids to take care of themselves"...
If you tell him that you were seeking help and he responds that "They don't know anything about me or "Whatelse did you think they would say" just leave right there... everyone here doesn't want to see what happened to them or someone they know happen to you.. even though they don't know you just remember you asked them for help and that's a sign that you know it isn't right in your heart...
Take the advice.. split apart and don't see the guy.. hook up with a bunch of friends for awhile and find out what is missing in your life... most of the time I heard it was loneliness and seeing everyone else have somebody to be there for them... strong reasons to date but not strong enough to break a family

It's difficult to make tough decisions when your feelings are involved. But the best thing is to wait until the divorce is finalized. If you're relationship is meant to be, then you two will be together again.

When a person gets into a car wreck, getting into another car and driving away isn't always a smart thing to do. His pending divorce and failed relationship is a car wreck.

You're probably better waiting for the divorce, and even then you need to realize that the ex is still a part of the situation. Even if the divorce is ugly and he wants nothing to do with her, she still may very well find ways to be around. After all, there are kids involved.

Have a friend who's gone through divorce (husbands idea) and I love her, but I swear she went nuts for 2 years. She made bad decisions and irresponsible choices that she never would have made when her marriage was still together and strong.

I had a 6 year relationship end, wasn't married but expected to be, and I know it was 2 years before I was really thinking clearly again.

The wife might be acting nuts... and I think she to some degree it should be expected, even if she left him.

The guy also may not be thinking clearly. Not saying he wouldn't want to date you, but I would hope that the kids are his #1 priority. He has a responsibility to them first. That doesn't mean its wrong to date you... but I just don't think a person in his position KNOWS what he wants yet. You might be exactly it. But my guessing is right now you are emotional security and the comfort of another in a tough time.

If you choose to date him that's your prerogative. You just aren't allowed to complain too much if it gets messy. He's not even through a divorce yet. It doesn't necessarily end with the papers signed.

And if there are kids involved make sure you are willing to be supportive of them and willing to put up with some hard feelings. Their mother might very well make them believe you were the reason they divorced. The separation might have been her idea, but what about the divorce? My experience is that kids see the truth in the long run. My stepdaughter HATED me for the first 1.5 years I dated her mother. Eventually with interest and thick skin I won her over.

You're going to need patience and thick skin if its going to work. And a little luck hoping that his emotions, however strong and real right now, are not just of convenience. Lots of baggage to get in the way. Your choice.

You should definitely leave him. I was in a "relationship" with a married man and for two years he claimed that he wanted to be with me and that they were in the process of divorcing.. well one day a coworker advised me that his soon to be ex wife was pregnant with HIS baby. He conveniently left this information out and was upset with me because I was upset with him. I figured out that he got her pregnant right around the same time that he professed his love for me.

BELIEVE ME-HIS INTENTION IS NOT TO MAKE YOU HIS WIFE BUT HIS 24 HOUR BUTTY CALL.

I've said it 1 million times here. A MANY married man WILL lie and cheat and steal from you to sleep with you. THEY WILL USE THE HELL OUT IOF YOU.

The yalways promise to leave but there is always some bull**** reason they never leave their wife.

First rebound relationships while very "hot" at first seldom last, it would really be good to stop for a while and let him get divorced, the divorce will take enough of his emotional energy.

Next if he did not care for his ex some, he would not care if she did kill herself, ( sorry but I seldom have know a couple going though a divorce that really did not want the other dead.
And of course she has no say if he can or can't see the kids, that is up to the judge and the child custody and visitation agreement.

Just to clarify I did not mean every married man, but many will lie cheat steal to sleep with a gulible woman. Always.

This just shows a huge difference in how men and woman think. Al ot of (insecure) women will believe anythng a guy says when she is in love. It can go on for years!