My boyfriend and I broke up on Christmas. He had surgery done several weeks before but did not want me to see him like that but Christmas all of a sudden he wanted me to come see him and I had plans with my family. YEs I know I should have gone but I had neglected to tell him that the guy that raped me had come into my work the night before and it just upset me so much I had to spend it alone. Ididn't want to but Christmas Day I took anger out on him that was meant for that guy. So we broke up in the argument. I needed time to clear my head after all I was emotionally a mess. So I waited until Dec 31 to call and he did not answer. I saw him online and he seemed mad at me and said he didn't want to see me again.
I was so upset. I just wanted some time to clear my head and he was telling me that it was over. I called him Jan 1st to wish him happy birthday and no answer. That week was horrible. I honestly thought I was having a miscarriage which I did not even know I was pregnant and passed a huge clot of blood. Of course I call my ex freaking out and he was kind enough to be there for me and called me the whole time. I found out later after many tests and ultrasounds that I have a huge functional cyst in my ovary which if does not shrink I may lose the ovary. I never got to tell him this because he caught pneumonia and I kept trying to go see him to see if he was OK but he would not anser the phone and then yelled at me. I kept calling make it worse and hoping but eventually gave up after two weeks. Then this past Friday I was driving and saw his car. I know he saw me cause he switched into the opposite lane I was in the left he got into his left and it seemed he was trying to get my attention. I turned around and went back and there he was again going the opposite direction in the left lane. I turned around again and there he was again the same thing this all happened within about 5 minutes. I finally parked the car in a store parking lot I figure neutral territory and he pulled into the shopping center to turn into the store and then couldn't get in after 3 minutes I was looking out the window again while checking out and he was pulling away. Sunday someone who works for his store came in to get a computer.
I need to know what to do. I have some stuff of his and need to explain things to him but I don t know how to do it.. He lives with his mother to help keep their exspenses down they own a business together. I miss hiim so much and I feel him missing me at times too. I used to sneak into his house at night but he would always turn all the lights off and leave a light on his car so I could 1. come over and 2. see he was not cheating...

I love this man with all my heart and I know I could have been more loving and shown him more of how I felt and I held back and pushed him away. I want to make an effort to make the relationship all it can be and without fear love this man the way I truly love him . I know he loves me too he told me that he loves me dearly but doesn't want to get hurt again. That was when we talked during the m/c supposed crisis. WHat do I do how do I get to hiim . Do I sneak in to see him. He has been leaving the lights off and the car lght on like he used to now...

ALso I failed to mention that we were apart for three years and he chased me down until last year near my birthday he came into where I work and chased me through the store until he finally just waited for me at my station. HE apologized for pain in the past an d wanted to try again and said that he was dreaming of me for all three years. I know that he loves me we were together this time for almost a year and I know I made mistakes and messed up.. he did too.. but I feel that I just need the chance to prove to him that it will be diffferent.

This is not a relationship, it's a cat and mouse game. Leave the poor guy in peace and find someone who likes being chased all over the place. You messed up. Your actions would have me freaking out.

Leave this guy alone, and let him heal.

Ok, so you said you were raped and that you took out that anger on your boyfriend. I would definitely get therapy so you can function properly after such a trauma. Definitely work on these issues so you can be better for you and your partner. Then, after you've proven that you've changed, maybe you could approach him in the future. But seriously, don't approach him or anyone until you are in a good spot.