Hi All

I'm new to the boards and just wanted to talk a bit about my situation and get opinions...

I'm 24 year old Female and I've never had any real interest in having sex. I get horny sometimes when I'm by myself and do masterbate - but I have very weak orgasms and I don't even masterbate normally.

After having no interest in having sex with men, I decided that I was a lesbian since I do have feelings for girls and after I kissed a girl I realized I liked that and felt all of these feelings I had never before felt for men. I figured I wasn't asexual and put that idea to bed... but maybe I was wrong...

I've been dating a girl whom I love very much for over 4 months now and don't feel any passion about sex... I love giving oral to her... but when it comes time for her to go down on me I don't get excited or "wet" and always fake having an orgasm so she doesn't catch on (which I did when I did things with boys... )

Do you think I;m asexual from what I'm describing or does it sound like something else?

Is there anything I can do if, when I'm with someone, I'd rather just kiss, cuddle, and do things to her? I want to feel passion and want to have sex... but I just don't feel that way. I feel like a mess.

Are you generally healthy and active? No depression outside of the normal ups and downs of life? Any bad previous experiences concerning sex?

Any of the above can tie in to lack of sex drive.

And maybe you are right... maybe your drive is just lower than most.

Do you enjoy petting and deep kissing? Do you get enough of it?

I wish you didn't fake it... I know its hard, but its just one more mental block that will sustain the difficulty of getting and orgasm from a partner.

What about sexual toys? Can you get yourself off with a vibe? Would your partner be willing to try? Its something worth thinking about and paybe talking about.

My partner and I are pretty open. The fact that she told me certain positions didn't ever get her off, no matter how good it felt, led us to explore ways to make them work.. such as some self stimulation during sex. Its not always easy to talk about, but the more open you are, the better.

When you are hiding something sexually, it can be a wall in the way of success... and it just self propagates.

Just some thoughts...

jabele wrote: "Do you think I;m asexual from what I'm describing or does it sound like something else?" I think something else because, deep down, I believe we are supposed to be able to share ourselves with others, and I do believe it best to be monogamous. I would begin to research subjects like 'trust' and 'intimacy'. I would do what I could to not be alone so much and get into some group activities, like hiking or dancing.

There are medical and psychological reasons for this as well as have the guys you have dated been real duds in bed that only cared about their own satisfaction. Having the right partner will really spark the fire and keep it going for decades. The wrong one can have you considering chewing your own arm off to get away.

I think you have to go to a therapist so you can sort out your feelings about agape love, physical closeness, eros passion, sexual repression and assorted related issues.

It would be well worthwhile instead of going through life sexless and not knowing why or if you can have a life full of passion. Everyone is different. Find out about your sexuality. Knowledge is always better than being in the dark.

Best wishes,

Check out, "Fear of Intimacy": Fear of Intimacy - the wounded heart of codependency (http://joy2meu.com/Fear_of_Intimacy.html)