Hello,

I posted on this topic about a month ago. Me and my ex had been going out for over 2 years then at the end of novemeber she said she wanted a break. She said she wanted time to focus on herself and find out what she wants. I've been up and down about it and I think I mite be OK now. I've been talking to her as friends and I always end up bringing up the relationship. I don't want to it just comes out and then it ends up making her annoyed and me feel worse. She says she still loves me and that there's a part of her that still wants to be with me. I think I am still in love with her too. But I mean I did everything for this girl... so I kind of feel stabbed in the back. But I don't want to be dragged along on this break until one day she says she never wants to be with me. But I don't know if I want to move on either and give up hope on us. I know I'm not thinking straight and everyone I asked for help has told me different things, either to hold on or let go. I mean if I let go I might give up the chance of us ever being together again. But if I hold on and we don't get back together, I know ill be even worse off. What should I do? Also, if I do move on, should I still be the nice guy I am to girls or should I not do everything for them like I did this last time. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks

You can't bring up the relationship honey. That's really blowing it. When you feel like you have to say something just calm down take a deep breath and don't talk about the relationship. I know its hard. Sometimes you feel like if you don't talk about it you will burst but, you got to not. I think its great you can get along as friends. However if you can't be around her with out bringing it up every time then maybe you need a little time away from each other. Not forever but just for a little while. I know you really care about this girl but I don't think she is truly getting the space that she asked for. She said there's a part of her that still wants to be with you right? Well then you've got a great chance. Just give it some time and you know what she will come back to you. Not you to her but her to you. Who knows maybe while you guys are hanging out as friends it could happen. I wish you luck.

The thought of our ex moving on and we are left out in the cold, holding on to feelings, holding on to the past, and holding on to a non-exhistant relationship is depressing. It is a scary thought of someone that we loved so much, moving on without us. But you have to dig somewhere really deep within yourself to do the same also. She has asked you for a break for various reasons. But the main reason that she has asked you for a break is simply because she no longer wants to be with you. Not because she is so much in love with you that she can't focus on herself, not because she is confused about life, only because she does not want to be in this relationship anymore. It seems to me that you are unable to be this woman's "friend" without drudging up the past and old feelings. She acts annoyed when you do this because she could feel a little guilty about the break up, she is ready to move on to the next chapter in her life and you are forcing her to take steps back to a place that she no longer wants to go. If you want to be her friend then you really need to stop doing this, you are going to force her into a corner, and she will either A come out fighting, or B cut you off as a friend. Do not continue to do this to her. Allow her the space, time, and freedom that she wants. If she is not showing you any sighns of wanting to get back together then you need to move on. You can't hold on to a person that does not want to be held on to.
Good Luck

My suggestion to you would be to let go and move on but do so with "reconciliation reserve", to coin a phrase. What I mean by that is that your basically consider the relationship to be over, move on with your life and pursue other interests. However, you can continue to talk to her as a friend (but DON"T bring up the relationship) and let her know that your life is just fine and dandy without her. You don't come right out and actually say that but let your actions and words make that implication. You may well find her crawling back to you and then you'll have the power in the relationship and it won't be likely that she'll be needing any more "breaks."

Very true! The most attractive man is the unavailable one. Don't know why it is but it is.

My suggestion to you would be to let go and move on but do so with "reconciliation reserve", to coin a phrase. What I mean by that is that your basically consider the relationship to be over, move on with your life and pursue other interests. However, you can continue to talk to her as a friend (but DON"T bring up the relationship) and let her know that your life is just fine and dandy without her. You don't come right out and actually say that but let your actions and words make that implication. You may well find her crawling back to you and then you'll have the power in the relationship and it won't be likely that she'll be needing any more "breaks."

Are you sure that telling her that your life is fine and dandy without her is a good idea. I mean if she thinks his life is so great she may become heart broken and feel that she is not needed anymore. She will realize that she made a mistake but don't you think she will be afraid to make a move because now she feels that all is lost because he has moved on and he is happy? It may cause her to feel that he is no longer interested in her, and in effect push her away.

Lost, if your girlfriend has said she wants a break from your relationship, maybe it's her way of letting go. I know your hurting, but you need to get on with your life. Pick yourself up and move on, you will find someone better later.

I hate to be the one to tell you this but this relationship is over!No amount of denial,crying,hoping or moping is going to change that!You are right though for the time being your stuck!The best way to get unstuck is to accept the fact that she ready to move on without you and you should do the same.I know that it is easier said than done but you have to man up and continue on with your own life.This site is loaded with guys and girls in your same situation and the advice is always the same.Get your head together and leave her alone.Not for her ,but for you!No calls no e-mail, no contact!No crying no moonig no pining!Man to man whether this break-up was your fault or not,doesn't matter get over it and better luck next time,and there will be a next time,trust me there always is!:cool:

The past is something that needs to be laid to rest. You cannot go backwards only forwards.

If you have a little time away from your ex and allow yourself some time to do things for yourself - your hobbies hanging out with your friends etc.

Give yourself sometime to clear your head and figure out what it is you want. Then when you see her again you will be thinking sraight and you will know exactly how you feel and what you want - it will also allow her to do the very same. Time apart is always the best option.

There is two things that could happen..

Absence will make the heart grow fonder

Or

Out of sight out of mind

Either way, you will both know what you want and will be able to let each other know where you stand once and for all.

Hi, lost??
It is really hard to move on... been there, done that. Most of us have, during a lifetime.
I am 63, married 28 yrs to a wonderful woman, and had the same problems many years ago.
One thing we learn about life, is that we can't have everything we want, especially when she doesn't want us!
It will be hard, but you can move on with your life. You will eventually find someone who respects you, is honest and open, and will love you; just as much as you love her. It will take some time, but you will find her.
I do wish you the best, and good luck; hang in there.

I'm not sure if I agree with the rest that all hope is lost. I think there is hope. You said you broke up at the end of November. That means you have only had about a month and a half off. Problem is that there really has been no break because you keep bringing up the relationship. She asked for time off now give it too her. If you want to hold on to the chance that things will work out then you are going too have to wait months. It could take her from 2 months to 6 months to a year or even never. I suggest you keep talking to her, be her friend, and continue with your life for now. I'm sure you already let her know in some way or another that you were going to wait till she was ready. So just wait.

But remember in doing so you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. It's up to you if you are willing to face that. All I can advise, if you really love her and want her back, then just wait and don't date for a bit (not dating is actually a good thing in many ways because it helps clear your head and its not fair to lead on other girls when you have feelings for someone else). Keep contact with her, but to a minimum, the same way you do with friends. For example if she e-mails don't be in such a hurry to respond. Give it a day or two. If you notice that she starts dating (if this happens I suggest not confronting her about it) then realize that chances have become much more slim and you should move on. Even if you two both start seeing other people there is still hope you will get back together. At this point however you might realize that you just are not interested anymore, maybe you found someone else, which is completely fine.

Stay friends, wait as long as you can, while waiting enjoy life (no need to date but hang out with friends or do other things you enjoy), from there things will play out on their own. If she moves on accept it and do the same.

I'm not sure if I agree with the rest that all hope is lost. I think there is hope. You said you broke up at the end of November. That means you have only had about a month and a half off. Problem is that there really has been no break because you keep bringing up the relationship. She asked for time off now give it too her. If you want to hold on to the chance that things will work out then you are going too have to wait months. It could take her from 2 months to 6 months to a year or even never. I suggest you keep talking to her, be her friend, and continue with your life for now. I'm sure you already let her know in some way or another that you were going to wait till she was ready. So just wait.

But remember in doing so you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. It's up to you if you are willing to face that. All I can advise, if you really love her and want her back, then just wait and don't date for a bit (not dating is actually a good thing in many ways because it helps clear your head and its not fair to lead on other girls when you have feelings for someone else). Keep contact with her, but to a minimum, the same way you do with friends. For example if she e-mails don't be in such a hurry to respond. Give it a day or two. If you notice that she starts dating (if this happens I suggest not confronting her about it) then realize that chances have become much more slim and you should move on. Even if you two both start seeing other people there is still hope you will get back together. At this point however you might realize that you just are not interested anymore, maybe you found someone else, which is completely fine.

Stay friends, wait as long as you can, while waiting enjoy life (no need to date but hang out with friends or do other things you enjoy), from there things will play out on their own. If she moves on accept it and do the same.

I agree - I pretty much said the same thing lol :)

So many mistakes and problems here.

This guy keeps putting pressure on the woman by bring up the relationship THAT SHE 100% IN HER head THAT SHE WANTS NO PART OF. BY Bring up the relationship and reminding her what a Wuss Bag he was it just reaffirms her decision was 100% correct. Woman hate this!! It's called Pinning and begging.

"but i mean i did everything for this girl.... " - that's a HUGE problem/mistakes - women DON'T want this. My god - you put this gal on a pedestal and women NEVER want that.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - another guy with 'nice guy' syndrom. You pushed this gal 100% away AND keep pushing her away BY BEING INSECURE, NEEDY, CLINGY, JEALOUS. Women HATE THAT!! I smell this coming out of the computer.

Dude - get a life. Women are never your whole life - they are part of it. You get hurt when you do this.

You got to grow up and learn about woman. They don't want a 'girlfriend' as a boyfriend who is all sensitive. Soft sensitive guy loses every time.

Asking about a relationship is a woman's job. You need to learn to be cool, fun guy, NO Pressure - BE BUSY - she doesn't want to be with you all the time - no way - Yuck - women have a life too. They need mystery, not some goof that tells her everything under the sun about himself and how he feels.

You share your feelings too soon and she's gone.

By constantly asking about the relationship you set it WAY BACK. I advise not evening calling or having anything to do with her for 2 months. Work on yourself - start working out, learn about how to deal with women and learn how to create attraction.

Learn that women DO NOT thin klike men at all... they rely moreo and their feelinsg.

AGAIN - go to these sites and learn about 'Nice Guys' and how bad it is for business - it's NOT being mean, rude, etc - it's not making her your world and putting her on a pedestal. Just like guys, women do wrong all the time - they don't want pedestal and don't deserve it.

www.sosuave.com
www.askmen.com - READ EVERY DATING ARTICLE - ESPECIALLY DR. LOVE - HE WILL SET YOU STRAIGHT AND IT ISN'T PRETTY.

www.relationships.blog-city.com - a hard core site but you need a dose of reality. You're in this dream world where - "if she only knew how I really feel" - yuck!! WOmen want the chase, the feeling that you just might leave at anytime...

WHEN YOU TOTALLY SURRENDER TO A WOMEN... SHE WANTS OUT.

I'm going to have to disagree with what some of WildCat said. I think ignoring her for 2 months is a bad idea. Every person in this world likes to know they are cared about. So by asking her how she's doing, how's school, etc. shows maturity and that you still care enough to know about how she is doing. Furthermore by not bringing up the relationship during such a conversation shows you are man enough to put aside feelings and simply see how she is doing. Don't over do it though because then you might end up in the dreaded "friend zone." But ignoring her for two months will, in my opinion, end any hope that there was.

That's really abd advice. You don't get it. It doesn't work that way except in the movies. I've helped a lot guys get through this. I have a whole stable of guys I've helped get their gal back.

This woman doesn't want to be wit hhim right now.

He needs to grow up and become a man about things. Mr. Softy needs to go. I deal in tough love. He needs to realize what pushed her away.

She doesn't deserve his time either.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE. Always and for ever.

By doing that she will feel she has him.

I think you are overgeneralizing women. I believe there are a lot of women out there who want a soft sensitive guy. Every person is different. For example some girls like it, before the first kiss, that you ask beforehand. They think it's sweet. Others don't like it for the reasons you talk about, because it makes the guy look like a wimp. Every woman, person for that matter, is different. So different women need to be approached differently.

It would be nice if they would let me rate you confused but, you are right on the money. I am a very affectionate person and I crave attention. I don't like clingy guys but, I will pick one over a guy who is never there for me anyday. That's right wildcat. I said Ill pick a clingy guy. I wish they had one of those smilies with the devil horns and the evil grin in here. Oh and no that doesn't mean I don't have confidence or self esteem wildcat. I am so hot I sizzle. Sssssssssssss. I just like to be loved on.

IF you act too anxious to make a relationship work, even if the other person initially seemed to be the one who wanted it, they will become turned off and start looking for the exits. Next time you decide you really want somebody, play your cards close to your chest. Don’t let on how excited you’ve become. Slowly over many months of time you can eventually show more commitment on your part, but do so incrementally, remaining alert to equal signs of commitment back. If at any point your devotion is more than an equal share, back off and give the other person a chance to catch up before proceeding further.

It is their perception, rightly or wrongly, that someone nice must be desperately needy. The neediness or dependent characteristics exhibited by a person are actually what is repulsive.

Your right that there are women out there that love sensitive guys but are you sure that the one you have now is one of those?Some times we fellas have to know when to fold up the tents and move on to the next town!:cool:

Are you sure that telling her that your life is fine and dandy without her is a good idea. I mean if she thinks his life is so great she may become heart broken and feel that she is not needed anymore. She will realize that she made a mistake but don't you think she will be afraid to make a move because now she feels that all is lost because he has moved on and he is happy? It may cause her to feel that he is no longer interested in her, and in effect push her away.


Letting her know that he is able to move on with or without her will let her know that she is not the center of his universe, it will show her that he can be happy without her, it will show that he has some backbone. If she has not tried to get back with him by now, it's more than likely that she is not. That is until he becomes unavailable to her.

Whoa I didn't mena to cause a big contraversay... haha nah but seriously thanks everyone for your reply. I talked to her yesterday and I didn't bring up the relationship. All her life she's never been on her own and I think that she just wants to have that for now. I told her I don't know why but that I understand that. We told each other that we still care about one another and that were still important to each other. I said that I knew I wasn't giving her the space she asked for and that if I kept this up we wouldn't be able to remain friends. So I said it probably would be best if we just didn't talk for a while. I'm actually feeling pretty good about it. I know she's not going to be with anyone else... at least not for not. She really does just want time to be by herself. So I'm going to back off for a while. I told her id call in a couple of weeks to see if she wanted to do something and she said shed like that. I realize that we may not get back together and that I may have to move on. I consider the relationship over which I think is the first step. I think I'm over the worst of it. But I just want to know, do you think I'm doing the right thing by backing off? I think I am but I know its going to be hard so what can I do in the meantime to not contact her. I'm going to be pretty busy with work soon and that whole working out thing sounds pretty good... I could use it haha. But seriously am I doing the right thing by backing off and if so what can I do in order to stay strong and not contact her? Thanks for everything

Hey man the reason everyone wants you to back off and get your own life is for your own good!You seem to take every bone she throws to you as hope that she will come back to you and things will be great. Love is blind and so are you!YOU need time to step back and take a look at yourself for a minute.In the real world we often have to make decisions we don't particularly like but life has a way of giving us what we need as opposed to giving us what we want!Look, you love this woman, OK I get that, but she isn't loving you back!From where I sit, by what you've said, then your choice is be at her beck and call ,or man up and get a life of your own without her!Now you can hold out and keep your contact or you can show her,as well as yourself that you have the strength to carry on yourself!Me myself I would have been long gone ,cried in my pillow and moved on,If she needs a friend ,I'm sure she already has one,as for you do you have a friend, do you have her?Take care of yourself or else you can't expect to take care of someone else! That just isn't fair! Is it?:cool: :eek: :rolleyes:

Are you sure that telling her that your life is fine and dandy without her is a good idea. I mean if she thinks his life is so great she may become heart broken and feel that she is not needed anymore. She will realize that she made a mistake but don't you think she will be afraid to make a move because now she feels that all is lost because he has moved on and he is happy? It may cause her to feel that he is no longer interested in her, and in effect push her away.

That may happen in some instances, but more often than not once she senses that he's doing fine without her she'll want to worm her way back into his life. I speak from years of experience looking back at my bachelor days. I believe that, contrary to lore, women have egos as well as men and if they think that a former love interest is doing well without them and has in fact moved on and essentially forgotten about them, they can't handle that and have to be wanted, needed or loved so they try to craw back into the life of the one who at one time did love or need them, even after being the one who initiated the breaking up. I do believe that, just as possesiveness and clingyness are signs of insecurity and weakness, so are aloofness and elusiveness signs of strength and stability. Women often have a sixth sense for picking up on that and respond accordingly. Only a woman with very weak esteem would give up as you suggest because she feels that he's no longer interested in her. Also, if you read the sentence immediately after the one you added emphaisis to, you'll notice that I specified not to come right out and say so but to let the actions speak instead. Gloating is never a good thing and that will backfire. At best, he should tell her that life is "fine and dandy" but leave out the "without you" part ; she'll figure that out for herself and that's the idea.

s_cianci - IS DEAD ON! That is real life. Is words are 100% accurate. YES SHOW IT! - NEVER SAY HOW YOU FEEL.

Great stuff s_cianci - you now what's going.

Ughhhhhhhhhh - this Dude is still contacting her and bringing up the relationship - even when he says he didn't.

She most likely is with someone else - someone not so needy, women jump from men to men. She just doesn't want to hurt this guy - he's fragile.

"Are you sure that telling her that your life is fine and dandy without her is a good idea. I mean if she thinks his life is so great she may become heart broken and feel that she is not needed anymore." - THAT ONLY WORKS IN THE MOVIES. THIS IS REALITY.

Absence always makes the heart grow fonder.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE. - ALWAYS AND FOR EVER.

Leave this gal alone. Work on yourself - you have a lot to learn.

I'm done with this. What all you guys has made a lot of sense to me. I still care about her but I have to look out for myself. I've decided to give up and move on. I mean, I guess there's still a part of me that wants to hold onto her but I know that I shouldn't and I am not going to. As far as I'm concerned its over. I know that it'll be hard for a while but like so many of you said "i have to get my own life without her". I haven't talked to her in four days and it doesn't really bother me. And I'm not going to contact her either. I figure she's the one who really lost out, not me. I can find someone else to be with but shell have a hard time finding someone who's going to treat her like I did. So yea I'm going to move on. Someday down the road if she wants to get back together then I guess that be OK but I'm not counting on it anymore. I really don't know if I'm just kidding myself about this but I feel that its something I have to do to get on with my life. What do you guys think?

I think you are making the right choice. If things are meant to be and she really does love you then she will contact you eventually. But don't hold out hope because when it comes to these types of situation hope will simply tear you apart. Move on with your life and enjoy it.

im done with this. what all you guys has made a lot of sense to me. i still care about her but i have to look out for myself. ive decided to give up and move on. i mean, i guess theres still a part of me that wants to hold onto her but i know that i shouldnt and i am not going to. as far as im concerned its over. i know that itll be hard for a while but like so many of you said "i have to get my own life without her". i havent talked to her in four days and it doesnt really bother me. and im not going to contact her either. i figure shes the one who really lost out, not me. i can find someone else to be with but shell have a hard time findin someone whos gonna treat her like i did. so yea im gonna move on. someday down the road if she wants to get back together then i guess that be ok but im not counting on it anymore. i really dont know if im just kidding myself about this but i feel that its something i have to do to get on with my life. what do you guys think? I think your own comments about giving her space in post 21 was very well what you should do and by all means, don't let your life stand still waiting. But, stay friends, and when she is done with having a break and being alone to get to know herself and what she wants in life, and then contacts you again, you can rest assured she has thought a lot through and is probably ready to make more of a commitment than before, since you yourself said that she was hardly ever alone. By being alone yourself, you probably also weighed the pros and cons of what relationships should be and how to help develop them better - any man with a brain and time to himself does reflect, and so do we women. How else do you think people can chose to plan their future unless given time to be alone and reflect on things that they do or do not tolerate and start being more honest and no more game playing in any relationship. Life is that way, and we cannot change others, only ourselves and for that - time is required to asses what real life is about. Once the decision is made, and she just might contact you and want to tell you her conclusion, be fair enough to listen and you might be pleasantly surprised. If not, then you already know what your life without her will be like - but again, there is no need to stand still and just wait on her. Don't avoid her, but let her make the first move now, that way you can be assured that there was no pressure from you for her choice. My feeling is that until you hear the very last words that it's totally over, there is still hope and you might even bond stronger than before. Anything is possible at this point as long as you don't waste your time in self-pity and have more confidence in yourself. Sometimes we women need time to reflect and appreciate what we had and admit that we want it back. Men are also this way, but are taught to be 'macho' which can benefit but also ruin things, so play it by ear until, again, you hear those final words. No matter what your choice, I wish you a lot of luck, contentment, and happiness in the future. There are men out there who 'want their space' too at times - it's called mid-life crisis, and we are only human - all of us. Again, good luck and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_11_8.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)Searching for the one to grow old together with can be the hardest job in the world, but just might be worth the wait. And nobody is 100 percent perfect.

P.S. Crankiebabie, DJ H, and Confused - you've got some good points there - too bad I can't rate anyone today anymore.

"My feeling is that until you hear the very last words that it's totally over, there is still hope and you might even bond stronger than before."

I think those are some very wise words. When someone says they want to "take a break" it doesn't always mean the relationship is done and finished. Believe it or not but not all people use those words as an excuse to get rid of you. A lot of the times it really means he/she just simply needs to take a break and take care of other things in life. There is definitely still hope that things will work out in the future, just don't let this hope consume your day-to-day life, because if you do and it doesn't work out then you will hurt much more. Remember to give her (and you) the space that is needed and as someone said earlier, remember to take care of yourself.

After you hang your butt out of the window then you will see that you have no commitment!Your in love but is she?You are ready to commit,is she?ASK her then !IS she ready to commit to you?If not you need to move on!:cool: :eek:

After you hang your butt out of the window then you will see that you have no commitment!Your in love but is she?You are ready to commit,is she?ASK her then !IS she ready to commit to you?If not you need to move on!:cool: :eek:It's easier said than done, when told to ask, as most people have two fears; fear of not making enough money to live on, and fear of REJECTION - therefore the asking is usually put off until it's too late, even though the frustration of the unknown is more uncomfortable than the answer received would be. At least then, you can go on with life and know where you stand. We all have to just remember that no couple on this whole world is ever 100% happy or perfect, but with work, it's possible to shoot for at least a 95% and that's better than living alone with nothing. But, as I said, after a break and she goes back to him, she will be more sure that the relationship working better is a possibility, and he will also be reassured - so what is there to lose?

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_30_124.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)Just plain human nature, I guess - and the stress of society and 'trends'. - "nothing tried, nothing gained" - not even experience and personal growth.

I'm still up and down about this whole thing. I know I sound like a wuss and that I said I was going to let go but I don't know if I should or not. I mean its not like this thing consumes my whole life or anything. But as you can tell I'm still stressin over it. I know that she just wants her space and I've finally been giving it to her. I really do want to know where I stand and how she feels about me but when I used to asked her she would say "i dont know. i still love you but i just need to figure things out for myself". When I asked her if she would care if I met someone else she told me "of course i would. i still love you, but i would have no right to get mad at you". To me that sounds like she really wouldn't care and is dragging me on. What do you think? I know that everyone knows what I mean when I say I feel stuck between letting go and holding on. But at the same time, people keep telling me there's hope. And its hard for me cause I'm starting a new job at a great firm where I'm going to be very successful. But I want to share that with someone and I guess I still want it to be her. I know that if we don't work out ill find someone else, I mean I'm only 21. But still, and I know if we don't get back together this will eventually fade away, I don't want to be with anyone else. And I mean my friends have been great through this whole thing. They have been there for me the whole time. But they're probably getting tired of hearing this. People tell me to make her miss me and what we had but how? Just by not talking to her? I plan on seeing her the beginning of next month. I know I shouldn't bring up the relationship, but should I still ask her where we stand? Should I tell her that I want to move on (im not even sure if I want to or not)? I know that she doesn't know what she wants but you know its unfair what she's doing to me, especially after how good I was to her. The breaking up is not the worst part, it's the not knowing and being stuck. What do you guys think? Thanks

The ideal situation for most of us is too find someone to share our life with.The bad part is the changes we go through on our way through life, that make us feel stuck or helpless or worse ,powerless!I understand that your feelings for this girl are still so fresh you can't feel or think of anything else!But you have to trust me and your own instincts here,If she loved you the way you loved her she'd be with you right now you wouldn't be going up and down and back and forth,you should be planning a life not trying to fiqure it out,this female has no clue as to what she wants but needs you close for her own reasons,whatever they are you don't help things at all by hanging around and promoting her indecision.The only thing for sure is she does not want a commitment with you but still needs your presence in her life.Every day she counts on your endless love to keep you coming around!So big boy what are you going to do?Play games at your own expense or clean out your life and move ahead?Your call, make a decision and stick to it!:cool:

The ideal situation for most of us is too find someone to share our life with.The bad part is the changes we go thru on our way thru life, that make us feel stuck or helpless or worse ,powerless!I understand that your feelings for this girl are still so fresh you can't feel or think of anything else!But you have to trust me and your own instincts here,If she loved you the way you loved her she'd be with you right now you wouldn't be going up and down and back and forth,you should be planning a life not trying to fiqure it out,this female has no clue as to what she wants but needs you close for her own reasons,whatever they are you don't help things at all by hanging around and promoting her indecision.The only thing for sure is she does not want a commitment with you but still needs your presence in her life.Every day she counts on your endless love to keep you coming around!So big boy what are you gonna do?Play games at your own expense or clean out your life and move ahead?Your call, make a desicion and stick to it!:cool:

Nicely put - I agree totally!! You just have to accept things for what they are, move on and learn from it. It is something we have all had to do at some point or another and yes it was tough, there were times when I thiught I would never come out the other side, but things change - that's life. We are all on a long journey to find that special someone to share our lives with for eternity, some people think they have found them only to discover later they had not after all. It all happens for us, but at different stages and usually when we are content with ourselves & our lives. I have Pete now and I am scared stiffless that I am falling in love with him, because the last time I did, I got really hurt - but without taking that risk, I may never learn to love again. Pete and I may not work out, if we did not I would be devastated. But because of my experience, I would be able to get back up on my feet and carry on with my life a lot better than I could before.

Just make a decision one way or the other and get on with your life. There is a lot of things you are missing out on - don't waste anymore time; time is too precious to throw away. You should "enjoy every day as if it was your last and enjoy every night as if it was your first".

she would say "i dont know. i still love you but i just need to figure things out for myself". When I asked her if she would care if I met someone else she told me "of course I would. I still love you, but I would have no right to get mad at you

Hey, listening to all the friends, and 'reading' between lines, and putting words in her mouth when she says something, is not going to help you at all. Do you believe anything anyone ever says to you? Do you think that you both deserve an amount of trust here? She said she still loves you, but has no right to get mad - which is true, because she does not own you and you don't own her - you are both independent individuals and some people who tell the truth and don't bring out that jealous 'I own you' attitude get thought of as cold. We can care a lot about someone, but have no right to forbid things of them therefore just accept the fact - but that's not being cold - it's being respectful and still hopeful. So see her next month, and do ask appropriate questions, but without stress on both parts, if possible. Don't always think of the worst first, and give each other a chance. You can always turn away and leave if it does not work, but you might also miss out if you think too negatively and never trust anyone. Relax and see what comes - it's not like it's the last chance you'll get in this world, your are still young. Good Luck!

So we're going out to dinner next week. I know that I shouldn't bring up the relationship but I want to let her know that I'm doing fine without her. I know I can't come right out and say it but how do I let her know? Also do you think it's a good idea to ask her if the break is still going on or if she has no desire to get back together at all now (its been 2 months)? I know I'm still young and all but right now I have a great job with so much opportunity, I'm 1st in my class in college and I have my head striaght about things (well everything but this haha). And its not like I'm one of those people who sits in and studies all the time. I'm always out at parties or whatever having a good time. I am going to be very successful some day and I know anyone would be lucky to be with me. I want to share all this with someone, and I guess I still want it to be her. Someday I know ill look back on this and want to kick my own *** for being so weak and needy but for right now I don't know what to do. This sucks haha. Any suggestions??

Don't bring up the relationship! Please! Just have fun.

You bring up and YOU WILL PUSH HER AWAY!! You WILL put pressure on her - women don't want pressure. You set the relationship WAY back.

Talk about how busy you are. How great school is. Fun things your doing. Yo uwant to be thefun guy - NOT the uptight guy who is always worried about the relationship. You need toshowwho that you don't care if she comes or goes... People Want What They Can't Have!! Always.

LISTEN TO HER!! Let her talk!! The greatest conversationalist are masters at listening and reflrcting - it goes a long way. Bill Clinton is master at conversation - HE LISTENS and reflects and asks questions.

hello,

i posted on this topic about a month ago. me and my ex had been going out for over 2 years then at the end of novemeber she said she wanted a break. she said she wanted time to focus on herself and find out what she wants. ive been up and down about it and i think i mite be ok now. ive been talking 2 her as friends and i always end up bringing up the relationship. i dont want to it just comes out and then it ends up making her annoyed and me feel worse. she says she still loves me and that theres a part of her that still wants to be with me. i think i am still in love with her too. but i mean i did everything for this girl.... so i kinda feel stabbed in the back. but i dont want to be dragged along on this break until one day she says she never wants to be with me. but i dont know if i want to move on either and give up hope on us. i know im not thinking straight and everyone i asked for help has told me different things, either to hold on or let go. i mean if i let go i might give up the chance of us ever being together again. but if i hold on and we dont get back together, i know ill be even worse off. what should i do? also, if i do move on, should i still be the nice guy i am to girls or should i not do everything for them like i did this last time. any help is greatly appreciated. thanks
Hey.
If she still loves you then you have nothing to worry about. Give your girl space and time. Your understanding will mean the world to her.

How about just going out to dinner, enjoying the atmosphere, talking about the menu, foods you both like, ask her how her day was and LISTEN. Don't bring up any subject from the past unless it's only 24 hours new. Don't dwell on your needs and wants for just one evening, and stop being in a panic to have everything right now! Imagine that this is the first date with her and that you are really interested in what type of person she is - she already knows who and what you are, so you don't need to repeat that. Start a new sheet of music, she's heard the old. If you ask her what her plans for the future are, i.e. job, hobbies, goals, etc, then you just might get an idea of why she needed the break and what her interests really are and work from then on if you want her back.

Good luck and have an easy, enjoyable evening.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/5/5_7_1.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)Sometimes, 'silence is golden', really.

I've decided that's what I'm going to do, just go to dinner and try to have a normal conversation. I know I'm going to want to, but I won't bring up the relationship at all. I know that it can only make things worse. She's not ready to talk about it so I'm not going to put pressure on her and force her to do it, like so many of you said that I was doing. I see that by doing that I am pushing her away. I am going to try and be the fun guy, try to joke around like we used to but without the whole relationship part. Ill tell her what I've been up to and see what she's been doing. But wildcat... you said that people want what they can't have... well how do I make her want me again, by acting like she can't have me and I've moved on? Or letting her know that's my intention? Talk about other girls? Or should I just be myself and act like this whole thing isn't getting me down? Thanks a lot and ill let you know how the dinner goes.

ive decided thats what im going to do, just go to dinner and try to have a normal conversation. i know im going to want to, but i wont bring up the relationship at all. i know that it can only make things worse. shes not ready to talk about it so im not going to put pressure on her and force her to do it, like so many of you said that i was doing. i see that by doing that i am pushing her away. i am going to try and be the fun guy, try to joke around like we used to but without the whole relationship part. ill tell her what ive been up to and see what shes been doing. but wildcat...... you said that people want what they can't have... well how do i make her want me again, by acting like she can't have me and ive moved on? or letting her know thats my intention? talk about other girls? or should i just be myself and act like this whole thing isnt getting me down? thanks a lot and ill let you know how the dinner goes.

If you talk about other girls then she will think she has lost you completely and you are not interested in that way at all anymore and that you only want her friendship. The best thing to do, is just to play it cool, be yourself and make her see that you are just getting on with your life, that you are not moping or dwelling on everything that has happened between you.

Girls love confidence and good company. If you listen to her, make jokes, stay relaxed and don't even mention the relationship, then you two are going to get on fine and you may even remind her of the man she fell in love with.

However if there are awkward silences and you both find it hard to construct any sort of sentence to each other - then you will know that it's over and that there is no going back.

1st - yes, be the fun guy. Be the guy she can confided in. As Chery said, LISTEN to her - let her talk - the BEST conversationalist are LISTENERS.

Laugh - make her laugh. Tease her - tease her about her purse or blouse - I know it seems wrong, but women love this.

Remember she doesn't think like you - you need to create attraction again - make her laugh and you start to create feelings again. Be uptight, needy, insecure and you lose.

This will take time. Take it slow - you may eve ngo a week or two without hearing from her.

Be unavailable at times, don't answers her calls right away, return calls the next day - you were busy, END ALL calls first, end the night just a little early - IT'S AN OLD SHOW BUSINESSES TACTIC - LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE!! - ALWAYS!!

You daon't say you've moved on - just ACT like your life is great. No approval seeking. NEVER talk about other women. Don't tell anything - leave it mystery - don't tell her what you want, don't tel lher you've moved on.

Women want mystery - it makes her think about you.

You need the feeling that you don't care if she comes or goes. You need stop chasing her.

I know I need to stop chasing her or I will chase her away. Thanks for all your suggestions everyone and trust me I am going to follow them. I know that bringing up the relationship won't do any good if she doesn't want to talk about it. There are still so many things that I want to say but I know I cant. But honestly, do any of you think we still have a chance? She told her friend the other day that she still loves me and that she still just wants to be by herself for now. I get that but like I said I don't want to wait around for nothing. Does anyone think there's a chance and hope's worth holding on to or should I just move on and forget about getting back together?

That says a lot if her friend said that.

The best thing you can do right now is stay busy with other things. Improve yourself in other areas of life ans she will love you for it. Love you for it.

There is always a great chance

Giving her the space she needs will actually bring you closer in the long run - this is something that took me a long time to figure out with women.

Saying all those things will just make things worse right now - share those feelings in like a year from now. Right now keep your cards close to your chest - Be positive around - be confident - be carefree and funny.

ive decided thats what im going to do, just go to dinner and try to have a normal conversation. i know im going to want to, but i wont bring up the relationship at all. i know that it can only make things worse. shes not ready to talk about it so im not going to put pressure on her and force her to do it, like so many of you said that i was doing. i see that by doing that i am pushing her away. i am going to try and be the fun guy, try to joke around like we used to but without the whole relationship part. ill tell her what ive been up to and see what shes been doing. but wildcat...... you said that people want what they can't have... well how do i make her want me again, by acting like she can't have me and ive moved on? or letting her know thats my intention? talk about other girls? or should i just be myself and act like this whole thing isnt getting me down? thanks a lot and ill let you know how the dinner goes.
Dear, this is not an audition for a part in a show - it's real, so act real, she already knows you and probably knows you want her back (or hopes you do). So relax and just enjoy the evening - no stings, and see what happens - don't rush things, please.

OK well I called her and we decided to go out on Thursday night. She didn't sound too happy about it though. I really think that's because she thinks I am going to bring up the relationship, which trust me I have no intention of doing. I just want to hang out as friends and catch up, but if I ask too much about what she's been doing I think shell feel like I'm checking up on her, which I don't want. I'm going to be myself and just try to have a good time, but does all this change how I should approach tomorrow night? Wildcat... some of the things you tell me to do seem wrong to me but I've tried everything else so what do I have to lose. But you said that if I do these things and improve in areas of my life she will love me for it, she will want me back. Do you really think that is what will happen? That by getting distance we will become closer and be together again? Like I said, I'm willing to try anything at this point.

A month ago I was in the same situation as you are... My girlfriends of 3 1/2years wanted a break out of nowhere.. She told me she wanted space, and wanted to be by herself.. She was really attractive but never made much effort to have many friends and I feel that was a big part her decision.. After hearing this I was devastated.. wanted her back so badly.. A couple weeks after she made her decision I thought maybe if I take her out to our favorite restaurant it might rekindle her feelings and she'll want me... didn't work out that way.. Maybe for you it would be a different story but during our dinner I acted like nothing bothered me, I could tell she was a little shocked how well I handled myself and how I didn't bring up the relationship, I was even making her laugh.. She said she had a good time and gave me a kiss... I thought she would def call me and want me back after that... I waited and waited for her call... Never called... I've talked to her a couple times after that but her feelings about the break didn't change.. I'm not trying to scare you man, hopefully everything will work out between you two but just don't get your hopes up.. I found out my ex whose 22 had been talking to some 31 year old from her work ( she worked at a freakin daycare)... If I were you I would go to dinner act like nothing bothers you make her laugh , don't bring up anything about the relationship.. and when you end the night just tell her to call you.. Whatever you do not call her or beg for her back... Let her call you... I made the mistake of calling her a few days after that dinner and begging for her back, ended up pushing her even farther away... Let me know what happens.. Hope you the best.. Don't mean to scare you just preparing you for the worst..

Next time a gal breaks with you - YOU MUST ALWAYS ACT LIKE IT'S OK - What ever she wants. And say OK BYE.

And DON'T communicate wit hher for 2 months.

I am dead serious.

Contacting them right away or trying to stay in their life does not work.

You need to date, give them the gift of missing you.

Being there and being all needy and wanting to see them never works - they get repulsed by it - like, "why doesn't this guy have a life" - "I was right" - all you do is reinforce her decision to dump you.

Your life needs to be just as good with her as it is without her.

By staying in contact all you do is annoy her. Trust me on this one.

And calling and asking her back... that's the last thing... ughhhh - if it happens it will happen naturally.

LESS IS MORE WITH WOMEN>

I still want her back... even though she was dishonest with me.. So I'm respecting her wishes and giving her space.. I cut off all contact with her... Haven't spoken to her in a few weeks.. Finally I'm at the stage where I have been starting to talk to and meeting other girls.. To be honest I'm starting to enjoy being single again.. Yea of course I miss being with my ex, getting booty whenever I want, staying in and watching a movie but I know there will come a time when that will come again..

I know when I was in your position all I wanted to hear was someone giving me some hope that we would get back together.. I know my experience is something you prob didn't want to hear.. but that's life man.. we all go through it... hope it works out between you two and if it doesn't work out , there are so many other girls out there. Being single really isn't all that bad... Best of luck and keep your head up

I have a question for you. During those 2 years did you have a great time? Yes of course you did.so, don't feel she stabbed you in the back. You had a great time. You spend all you time and money on her. Isn't that what you wanted? To have fun.
So she wanted a break in novemer. Great! She did you a favor. She was letting you know it's OK not to spend more money on her during the holidays. Right... if she waited after the holiday you would have spent more time and money then she would have asked for a break. She did not stab you in the back. So don't feel that way.
Don't talk about the relationship, period. She doesn't want to talk about it because she feels terrible about it. So, do not talk about it. Let her initiate a conversation first. If she wants to talk about it she will. Let it go. Also, she is annoyed because she feels guilty and terrible about the break. Stop thinking about yourself for a minute and start thinking about what she is going through. Right... I'm sure she is crushed to.
So you did everything for this girl. So what. Did you have a good time? Yes, of course you did. She did not stabbe you in the back. You're suppost to spend time and money on her. What else you going to spend you money on? Women of course.
Yes move on give her time and leave the door open. Either you will find somebody or she will first. Try not to think about it. Just go out and have fun.
If you hold on to a women you end up losing her. If you keep your hand open she may come back.
Have hope my friend. Never lose hope. But, don't crush your sole over this either.
There are a lot of women out there that will appreciate what you do for them. So yes, do the same thing you did with this one. Spoil the heck out of her. Spend the time and money and go have fun.

Well we went out to dinner last night. I was kind of nervous because I had no idea how it was going to turn out. I wanted to tell her how I felt and ask her how she felt about me and if she wanted to ever get back together. But I didn't. Not one word of our relationship or our future at all. We just talked about school, work, our families and friends. I was telling her how much I love my new job and that I'm having a great time. She kept saying that she was going to a party at school that night, I think she was trying to get me jealous. And I have to admit it did bother me a little but I just kept telling her to have a good time and joked around about not getting too drunk because she had class in the morning. She was asking about my friends since she hasn't seen them in a while and said she was sorry she was busy over winter break from school and couldn't come hang out. I think that's a sign she wants to come out sometime but I didn't jump on it and ask her when she wanted to come around. I just told her not to worry about it. After dinner I drove her back to school and said I had a good time and it was good to see her and she said the same. I told her to have a good time at the party. She leaned over and gave me a hug but I just kept it short and said id talk to her sometime. I think it really worked and that I had an effect on her.

On the way home I called a mutual friend and told her how it went. She said I really caught my ex off-guard. Our friend was talking to my ex a few days ago and my ex really thought I would bring up the relationship. She said she thinks that's a good thing that I caught her off-guard and so do I.

I'm not going to contact her again until I hear from her first. I think that's the right way to go. Any thoughts? Like wildcat said, I have to "give her the gift of missing me". I have to show her I'm just fine without her, that I've changed, and that I'm strong and confident, which I really think I am now. I'm hopeful for our future and do want to get back together, but I'm not going to depend on that hope. If we get back together great but its up to her now. I'm not going to let it stop me from pursuing other interests. I'm still down about the whole thing but I'm feeling a lot better. No more text messages, im's or calls, I'm going to let her come to me. Ill keep you all posted and thanks for all your help. I know its still going to be hard but like I said I'm hopeful for the future. Thanks everyone!

You did well my friend. Just for the fact you didn't act insecure and needy by bringing up the relationship. For the love of god - don't bring it up for like 6 months.

And her going to a party shouldn't matter.

Excellent! You did good my man. I'm proud of you. Let her come to you. If and when she comes back to you just remember what happened last time...
Women like the bad boy. Don't be nice to her all the time. Don't tell her want you want just act on it. Women love a man who knows what he wants and does it. I'm sure the women out there will agree with me.

Whatever you do not contact her at all!! She'll def start to wonder where you are and miss you... Your going to get these urges where you want to call her and see what or how she's doing.. when this happens the best thing I did was go to the gym and lift weights or go out with friends and meet girls.. Whatever you do don't let those urges take over... trust me if they do you'll regret it... you just have to keep yourself busy.. it sucks man.. it took me two months to finally get out of the habbit of talking to her on the phone..

Hey,

You guys have anymore tips on what to do to keep my mind off her and stop from contacting her? Also, how do you know if the whole non-contact thing is working and she misses/wants to see me? Thanks

hey,

you guys have anymore tips on what to do to keep my mind off her and stop from contactin her? also, how do you know if the whole non-contact thing is working and she misses/wants to see me? thanks

Well lets not fool ourselves into believing she will come back. First, stop thinking about her! Dude the best way to let it go is to find a girl who wants to go out and have some fun!! We got a problem here people. He needs help. OK, this is what I would do. Go out meet women. Get phone numbers. There must be a few girls you are interested in when you were together right? Yes, of course there is. So go get them now! Call #1 girl... nope she is busy. OK, call #2... busy. Call #3 she says OK. So take her to like Florida for a week. Don't talk to your ex. When you come back and she says like where have you been just tell her out of town but do not tell her where or with who. Why you say? Because, that's right it's none of her business!
Once you complete this start all over again. Call girl #1, #2, #3, etc. and don't stop until you find a girl that wants to be with you. Then, spend all you $$$$$ on her and make her feel like a queen. Good luck. I'v done all I can hear. Please someone nock some sense in this guy. But, really good luck dude. I know you can do it.

Blue is right - right now you've put WAY too much importance into this gal. Way too much - she can smell it.

Dating is the best way. And hittng the gym - nothing better.

And no leters Dude - I think she knows how you feel. Be mysterious - she will love you for it!! Don't lay your cards on the table - she WILL only run.

Lay low... be busy...

Since she did see yo

hey,

you guys have anymore tips on what to do to keep my mind off her and stop from contactin her? also, how do you know if the whole non-contact thing is working and she misses/wants to see me? thanks
If you feel like calling her, make it short to thank her for the nice evening. Or you could send her a card saying the same. Then, wait a while (about two weeks) and ask her if she'd like to join you for dinner again. If she does not call you first - which I think she just might. At any rate, good luck - and don't forget - don't mention the past, or the future. Stay in the present moment.

In his situation he needs to wait. Make her come to him. It sounds like he may have broken some ice last night. Contacting will just make make him seem needy.

In his situation he needs to wait. Make her come to him. It sounds like he may have broken some ice last night. Contacting will just make make him seem needy.That's cool for those who still have their little 'black books' like blue, but I am adult enough not to feel the need to play games. And when a man thanks me for a nice time, I appreciate it.
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Chery - I agree 100% with you - that's how it should be.

But these are college age kids.

I don't think she is old enough, wise enough to understand a thank you is a thank you. I bet she would take it as groveling.

I think wildcat is right. I mean I do want to thank her for going out with me last night and having a good time, but I really feel she would see that as me coming on to her. I don't think I should talk to her for a while even though its killing me. I've tried everything else but this so what can I lose? I think this just may work for me.

i think wildcat is right. i mean i do want to thank her for going out with me last night and having a good time, but i really feel she would see that as me comming on to her. i dont think i should talk to her for a while even though its killin me. ive tried everything else but this so what can i lose?? i think this just may work for me.
OK lost, it's all up to you. Do what you have to do. But, remember whatever happens it takes two. So, just get it over with and run to her. Drop to your knees and kiss the earth she walks on. Let us know what happens. And I do hope it works for you.

That's cool for those who still have their little 'black books' like blue, but I am adult enough not to feel the need to play games. And when a man thanks me for a nice time, I appreciate it.
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What games? No game here. Sometimes you have to go away for a while so you give her a chance to miss you. Or maybe you where talking about something else?.
Black book, yes! Just like most beautiful women have them to. I'm sure she has one and is looking other men up right now...

ok lost, it's all up to you. do what you have to do. but, remember whatever happens it takes two. so, just get it over with and run to her. drop to your knees and kiss the earth she walks on. let us know what happens. and i do hope it works for you.

First, you disagree with me, then you change your mind - which I think was sarcastically done and not for real. Women do like men who can take control of certain things in a relationship, but we don't need 'control freaks'. On one point you are right though, it is lost's choice and he has to live with it. The best we can do is give some logical and compassionate advice and that means - keep our emotions out of it.

So, Lost - are you a Macho by birth, or don't you have enough self-confidence by trying to act like one? You know her longer than we do, and if you trust her, why are you afraid of saying thanks. Not all of us women care for only warm 'body contact' and coldness the remainder of the time - think about it. Reading into things and not communicating with someone is the wrong way to go to get reassured one way or the other - it just strings things along and does nothing to help you concentrate on education and future, etc. I think you'd feel a lot better and will be able to continue your life once you know where you stand.

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First, you disagree with me, then you change your mind - which I think was sarcastically done and not for real. Women do like men who can take control of certain things in a relationship, but we don't need 'control freaks'. On one point you are right though, it is lost's choice and he has to live with it. The best we can do is give some logical and compassionate advice and that means - keep our emotions out of it.
OK chery, is there a problem with me disagreeing with your past statement. Thanks for letting me know how you feel. You are not the boss of me. :p

ok chery, is there a problem with me disagreeing with your past statement. thanks for letting me know how you feel. you are not the boss of me. :p

In a way, yes there is a problem, as disagreeing on a comment means that I lied or gave false information - which I did not. I just stated an opinion, as you did. And instead of giving you a bad rating, I openly posted my difference of opinion - that's all, and according to the rules.

I am not anyone's boss except my own and my cat's and that's just the way I like it. Too bad you cannot take constructive criticism like the rest of us. I'm 55 and earned every year of experience and can share it without being sarcastic, just ask Wildcat...

In a way, yes there is a problem, as disagreeing on a comment means that I lied or gave false information - which I did not. I just stated an opinion, as you did. And instead of giving you a bad rating, I openly posted my difference of opinion - that's all, and according to the rules.

I am not anyone's boss except my own and my cat's and that's just the way I like it. Too bad you cannot take constructive criticism like the rest of us. I'm 55 and earned every year of experience and can share it without being sarcastic, just ask Wildcat...
Geez chery because I disagree with you comment does not mean you gave false info. Just expressing my opinion. Boy, I disagree and the next thing you know you're bashing me. Well, I do take const criticism. And, what's up with locking me out. I thought this was a site to express our opinions. But, sounds like when you have an opinion look out don't cross chery. Maybe you can't take constructive criticism...

geez chery because i disagree with you comment does not mean you gave false info. just expressing my opinion. boy, i disagree and the next thing you know youre bashing me. well, i do take const criticism. and, whats up with locking me out. i thought this was a site to express our opinions. but, sounds like when you have an opinion look out dont cross chery. maybe you can't take constructive criticism...
Sorry, but I don't know what you mean by 'locking out'. If I was wrong in assessing your last post where you changed your mind, please feel free to say so. Being a therapist, I'm used to worse than what you stated and don't feel offended at all. It's just that you probably did not read the rules about the ratings on this forum. A bad rating is not indicative of a different opinion, which we all have a right to. I never judge or 'bash' anyone - check out some of my other posts and you'll see where I'm coming from. The world would not be such a diverse place to live on if everyone were of the same opinion.

Blue - take it easy. Chery is always dead on in her opinions. Chery knows what she is talking about. Her advice is always right. And she is great lady. She's been there, done that.

Blue - take it easy. Chery is always dead on in her opinions. Chery knows what she is talking about. Her advice is always right. And she is great lady. She's been there, done that.
OK I will take it easy on chery. I agree with you. Thanks for the comment.
Sorry got off on the wrong foot. Lets just get along. I got a lot of interesting stuff to share here and don't want to get people upset with me. So, give me a chance please.

I think we all need a group HUG :)

Welcome this is someone else's thread you know,you could have just started a new one,that would be the correct way to do it.:cool:

talaniman, as much as I want to flame you for your response since I'm totally brand new, and think you could have given me a little slack, I'll just delete my post. As Steve Martin would say " exccccccuuuusssseeee ME!! "

I think we all need a group HUG :) A warm welcome to the forum too!

The HUG sounds like a good idea - it brings out those endorphines and makes one feel better.

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update...

I'm so mad at myself for feeling so bad about this for so long. For the past three days I've been feeling great. I'm not saying that this whole thing doesn't bother me anymore but I'm feeling way better about this. I was at a family party on Sunday and I talked to my older cousin. His girlfriend did the same thing to him so I figured hed have some good advice. He said he knew exactly how I felt and that it does get way better. He told me I have to stop thingking about it. He said how I just turned 21 and now I can do so much more and that there's plenty of girls out there. Now I'm not the type of guy who doesn't want to go out with all random girls, I like to have one person and be in a relationship. He said he was the same way and he's found a new girlfriend and he says that relationship is way better than his old one. I know things won't work out exactly the same way for me but it gave me hope. He pretty much told me the same thing everyone else did but for some reason he got through to me. And I felt so stupid going up and asking him about it but now I'm so glad I did. Haha now were going out next weekend and I know its going to be great. Thanks so much everyone who's helped me through this. I know its not over yet but I really do believe I'm on my way. I'm not in that bad place anymore and I really don't care what she does.

to anyone who reads this and is in my situation... take wildcat's advice, do not talk about the relationship. Give her space and act like you're OK with it. Focus on yourself and make things better in your own life. Don't worry about her... you can't do anything about it. Don't worry about getting back together, its not the end of the world if you don't trust me. Just cut off contact with her... don't call her it will only make you feel worse trust me. Life goes on and so should you. If you get back together great but if not it will get better. Go out and meet new people... it really does help try it.

again thanks everyone and ill keep you posted on what happens. I'm just so glad I'm not in that place anymore hahaha!!

Good job. You do get over it.

You ca nnever put TOO much importance in someone - it will = heart break - at least unti lyou are married.

WHEN you, as a guy, bring up the relationship situation, especiall yearly on, you push the gal away. Every time. It's something about too much pressure o na woman.

Girlfriend wants a break/space and doesn't know y

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Hi, I've been with my girlfriend for 1.5 yrs. Everything was great for over a yr. its been about 1.5 months now she's hasent been acting herself. We had some fights and stuff, but we never fought before so its only normal. Anyway, 2 weeks ago she came out of now where saying she wants to break up and all that crap, we talked about it and she said she wanted her space to be alone, that she was confused, however she wasn't able to give me any reasons for her actiong though. So were on a "break" she said she would call me when she was ready. After 2 weeks I called her just to say hi and to see if she was OK, she started to break down on the phone craying really hard, we talked she brought up what I was doing without her and I said I went out and stuff, she got upset at the idea of me going clubbing, but I didn't go. We talked about the relationship and she was really emotional but yet seemed like she wanted to break up. We talked for 2 hr, so if she didn't want to talk I guess we wouldn't have. Anyway, I don't know what to do now. I know since I met this girl that she has issues about her life, and has always suffered from depression but wasent enough for her to realise. Anyway I really think she has hit emotional rock bottem and is doing this because her head is messed up. She comes from a familly that treats her like ****, she's been doing bad in school, so I guess she's stressed out about her life that she want to park me on the side to deal with her problems. I've read your comments and my girlfriend was really acting not herself through all this stuff. Like she was a totally different person than the one I knew. What do you guys think is going on?? Is she really going through a break down, or does she really doesn't want to be with me?? I mean I've done so much for her and her life wouldn't be the way it is now if it wasn't for me. So why would she want to lose a great guy like me. She's been hurt by losers before that cheated on her and **** like that, so why would she let me go to go back to **** guys like that? I'm really confused please let me know what you think? Thanks

Dear lost... good that you finally feel better about yourself. There are still many options open to you, so take each day at a time and don't rush into things. Take a little break yourself, and just lay back and enjoy life. Remember that we are here for you 24/7 and no matter what happens, we wish you a lot of luck!

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P.S. mattvit - since this was not your thread, I answered to the other post you started - welcome to the forum.

Get this...

So I'm down my friends house Saturday night. My ex shows up and I don't talk to her for like 20 minutes. Finally I go over and say hi and ask how's she's doing and how's school. She says good. Her mom called her and after that she was getting ready to leave. She goes up to our friends and says bye and give hugs or whatever rite... I'm sorry ladies but the ***** walked right pass me, didn't acknowledge me or anything. After two years you think she could still say bye or something. And after she left my 1 friend told me she didn't want to come down if I was there because she'd make it "harder" on me. I did so much for her when we were together and after all that she can't even say goodbye?? Screw her that's messed up. She's so ignorant its not worth my time anymore. She not the same person and I don't want to get back together with her. I hate that I wasted all this time worrying about it. "dont wanna make it harder on me" like she's something special. Well she was special to me but not anymore. Her 1 friend said she was probably playing games but I'm not playing anymore games, especially if she going to be like that. You guys were right I should have stopped wastin time on her a long time ago and I regret not listening earlier. How the hell are you just going to walk rite by the person you just spent the last 2 years of you life with?? She's not worth it. The break is over, I'm endin it because I have no intention of getting back with her, she went to college and became cool I guess. **** her I'm not stuck anymore... thanks to everyone who helped me through this but I know I'm going to be fine now... I'm not stuck anymore

FOLLOW YOUR HEART. What do you think is the right thing to do? No ifs or what's. Do what you think is best for you and let the rest of the pieces fall where it may.

Lost - " i did so much for her when we were together " -that's part of the problem. She has taken you for granted. No respedct.

What I would do to get your power back is call her and literally ***** her out - put her in her place. Tell her about her games and how silly it was that she couldn't even say good bye AND what her friend told you. Let her know you won't stand for this and how imature and childish it is. Seriously - it would be good for you, especially now that you do not want to get back with her. You save a lot of face and she would see a new you. You were way too nice to this gal and she continues to walk all over you. You'd gain respect and she deserves it.

Hahaha yea I should... seriously I thought about doing that so many times. But she's not worth it. I don't want any connection with her anymore. I would have liked to stay friends and everything and she said she wanted that too (at least that's what's she said). But I mean who needs a friend like that? She's not the same person I loved and I seriously mean it when I say I DO NOT want anything to do with her. If after two years she can't even say bye to me then it really isn't worth it. She's NOT WORTH IT. I know she thinks she's all cool now cause college is new and everything but I gave up most of my college years for her... I got to make up for that with what I have left. I really do have a lot to offer and I know someday shell come around and realize what she's lost but you know what... its already too late. I tried to keep her in my life when she didn't want to be well I'm not doing that anymore. I'm just glad I finally realized that she not the same person I was with for two years. I feel so much better knowing that. I do have to follow my heart like jesus helper just said, and I know its not with her anymore. I'm not going to lie I do miss her and what we had but I know eventually ill have that again (its actually already in the works haha) and if this new girl does work out I know I can look back on this experience and see where I've gone wrong and not make the same mistakes again. She can play her games and have all the power she wants cause I'm done. I feel so much better now. Thanks everyone!!

Hold it homeboy. After all that's been invested in you, you aren't going to get away that easy.Instead of being mad at this female be mad at yourself! You played as much of a part in your break-up as she did,no doubt! She changed ,so did you! YOU learned something about her (ANDYOURSELF) Your still growing and I hope that if you didn't learn anything, you learned something about YOU, you need to work on. It is not what life throws at us that counts but how we handled it.I do admire one thing though,at least you didn't stoop to retaliation on your ex.Never know, as you grow you may see her again later in life ,you just may end up friends!:cool:

I know that I still have to work on myself and trust me I'm not going to rush into another relationship. If things start to work out with this new girl I'm going to take it slow, I don't want to get hurt again as much as I don't want to hurt someone else. And ill admit it, I do still have feelings for my ex, I probably always will if not for the rest of my life. But I've finally realized that she's not the type of person I want to be with. She was, but I don't like what she's become. And your right I have changed through this and learned more about myself. I though I would never get over it but now I know I'm a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for. But you're right, we may become friends in the future and I think that's another reason why I didn't call and curse her out. I try to never burn any bridges because you never know when you're going to need them. I guess that's how I approached this situation too. But trust me I have learned a lot from this and I think I've gained a lot out of it. I'm just so glad that I'm not in that place I was for 2 months and I know many of you played a great part in helping me move on. I truly am grateful for everything and if I never found this message board and reached out id prob still be in that place. Thanks everyone :D

I feel for you. It sux loving someone who in return does not share the same feelings. I'm sorry to say that I agree with the others that have told you this relationship is over. You are not on "a break", you are on "an easy let down". This is a well thought out plan designed to slowly break all ties, as she feels this will not hurt you as bad as a total split. She gets angry with you for bringing up the relationship because you are simply delaying her plans - see, to her, there is no future relationship and she's simply waiting for you to be OK with the fact that you two are not together anymore so she is guilt free. However, you keep dwelling on the possibilities of getting back together when she knows it's never going to happen, so she gets frustrated and mad at you. Eventually your weakness and squabbling will become a huge turn off and she won't care how you feel - she will leave for good and never care to contact you again.
Her feelings may change if she sees a strong confident man who is comfortable and capable of standing on his own two feet. This will definitely attract other women and just might bring her back to you. No woman wants a wimpy boy. No pun intended.
-Kae
This reply is my opinion based only on how I would feel and react to the same situation.

Haha she left an instant message today from her asking me if I would do her tax return for her hahahaha. What do you guys think should I do it?

Your response: "Not in this lifetime" - nothing more.

Also - you must have really been a 'nice guy' for her try and walk all over you on the tax thing. She doesn't have theguts to call you?

I think you've learned some valuable lessons the last couple months.

Dude. You have to get out now. Cut the cord. Let her loose. Say see you. Get out there now. Someone is looking to and if you spend one more minute on this girl. You are losing another possibility with another. Let another guy put up with her. She is not worth it. And try not to think about it.

Uhhhhh Blue - re-read the post - he's been broke for a while.

Dear Lost - Sorry this did not work out for you and that you had to go through a lot of pain. But I hope this has made you less vulnerable in the future. Please, however, don't put us all in one category. There is the right girl out there for you, even when not looking. As I said before, take a break, go out and enjoy life, meet new people, get new hobbies and interests and forget about the pain. You've already experience the anger so now it will be easier. Unfortunately we all have gone through this and not only once in our lives, so hang in there and don't give up. We learn from each experience that comes our way and hope that the next will be better.

Wishing you lots of luck and hope that the next encounter will be better.

Chery

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I'm tickled to read up on the posts and hear you doing sooo well. Sounds like your confidence has sky rocketed!! That's great! And yeah, it probably would have been nice to stay friends, but seems she would only be in the friendship to benefit her needs. Seems like you picked up on that also! Good job! And I hope you didn't do her tax return. Greedy wanted all the $ for herself - that's why she asked you. She didn't want to pay someone to do them.
Keep that head up - You're The Man!

Yes - lost - these gals just gave you more great advice. As you will learn, every woman is different - this gal just happened to not be the one. You've deffintely seen the side of her now that she was probably hidning from you - this happened to me more than once - the gal who is all nice, then you learn about her bad side - either she's flirting with every guy behind your back, or bad mouthing you, or seeing other guys... not every woman is this way.

Some women like valentines, some don't like mushy valentines day stuff.

Very wise answer