Ok, so I have this friend, 21 years old, who I just recently met on myspace, she's from the same town as me and etc so we got chatting about what there is to do there and just general chat really.

She got on to telling me about a course that she is on through the jobcentre, where you have adisors who help you with cv's and interview techniques and whatever else. There are two men who are running this course and she has gotten to know them very well and is always flirting with them, I do not agree with this what so ever.

One of these men is 42 and has kids, but is single. She told me that she boasts to him about her "techniques and satisfaction" of the way she gives oral sex to men. He then became even more flirtatious and they ended up doing exactly what she was boasting to him about one time after the course had ended at Christmas I think it was. I don't know whether they have had sex yet or anything else, but what I do know that this man should not be doing anything like this with her, and would lose his job if he was found out.

She has now finished the course but yet, still keeps going back to the centre to see both of them. Nothing has happened with her and the other guy, but they still flirt and obviously this kind of behaviour is not allowed. She has developed a "school girl" crush on the one that she was intimate with, and never stops talking about him. The two men have been in trouble with the organisers of the course for letting her in so much, and allowing her to just turn up and pretend to just sit there and do work.

Basically I have told my friend that she aught to stay away from the centre and from him, but she won't listen. I do not agree with anything that he or she has done, and at one point wanted to call the centre to tell them about the very inappropriate behaviour of their course leaders but I feel I would be betraying her as she said not to repeat anything. These two course leaders aparently flirt with all the girls, and I wouldn't be surprised if this kind of thing has happened with other young women who have been on the course.

I would like some help with deciding what to do about this, if anything. And what I should advise my friend to do?

Thank you

If she asked you to not get involved, then don't. Your friend, sadly, seems to have some self-destructive behaviors. Although what she is doing isn't wise, and you don't agree with it, all you can do is give her your opinion.

As for the men at the center, you are right, they shouldn't be acting this way, as it is unprofessional, not to mention the one is married. I don't think that you should call the center, no need to get yourself mixed up in it. I'm sure the men will get disciplined by their boss if it continues, since they have already been spoken to about it. They shouldn't be flirting with the women taking classes there, but, I'm sure one of the women there will report it, if it upsets her. Calling the center won't really help, since you aren't taking classes there, although the supervisor might be interested, they can't really fire them based just on a phone call. Like I said, the supervisor probably knows what is going on or at least has an idea, if he has already spoken to the men.

Encourage your friend to take care of herself, and encourage her to always use protection if she is going to engage in this conduct. Just try to say nice things and build up her self esteem. She probably just likes the attention from the men, although it is sad that she is selling herself short by wasting time on them.

Hope this helps! :)

Yeah thanks :) It really upsets me when I hear about women who feel the need to just allow people to "use" them in a way. I guess that's what low self worth and low confidence does to some. She could do so much better and there is someone out there who is right for her, who will treat her like a queen, but I guess if she wants to settle for something like this until she realises, then so be it if she won't listen. I'll still try and help her to believe in herself and etc, but can't force obviously

I'd just stay out of it and let your "friend" deal with it on her own terms and let her deal with whatever consequences come out of it. Your concerns are valid but really the situation is out of your hands. As it is, you have to take anyone you "meet" on Myspace and similar online forums with a grain of salt as such people may not at all be who they say they are.

It upsets me too. I think everyone deserves to be with someone that treats them well. I think you are right on target about the way that low self esteem drives some people to act that way. Everyone is special and valuable, but too many people forget it. I can tell you are a really caring friend, so good for you. :)

Birds of a feather flock together. This is a saying that holds true today. I wouldn't rat her out that just not a good thing. However, I would not be friends with this person. You don't agree with her action so why even associate yourself with a person like that.

Well first is this a real life friend or just a online friend, often online friends lie.

But at 21 this is not a school girl crush, this is merely a girl who wanted to have sex with one or both since she bragged about her abilities. And would basically not be telling them if she did not want to.
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Basically the term two consenting adults, one or both a little slutty.

Just someone I talk to online from where I live. Why would someone want to lie about something so degrading to themselves? She keeps saying that she thinks she's falling in love with him, I think she is just a lonely girl who likes attention from anyone to make her feel loved, even if it means doing something such as what she did.

One thing it is important to learn in life is what is one's business and what isn't one's business. This is a case of none of this being your business!

These conversations with someone online are nothing but gossip, and possibly fantasy spinning. :)


Best wishes going forward,

She made it my business by telling me of it, constantly asking me what she should do. I came to ask on here what I should do, that's all. I don't like to leave people hanging when they ask me for help.