This is the story... (sorry it is long)

I met my ex boyfriend ("jose") when I was in 4th grade. We went to school together in middle school and to high school. I always had a crush on him and in middle school he had been hinting that he liked me. Well I was 14 at the time and was not allowed to date. (duh) well high school came around and I still liked him very much. I talked to him occasionally but I stayed away since he had gf's and whatnot. I dated around school and then by the end of 10th grade year my parents had told me that I was going to be transferring schools because I had fallen into a "bad crowd"... which was true... I was a punk azzkid what can I say

Two years went by and I enlisted into the air force. I graduated high school and I enjoyed my last summer as a civilian and did... well I did nothing lol . In September I went to boot camp and was in san antonio. On my final week of training I got hurt and got put on medical hold. I was on hold for about 4 months. It sucked but it had to be done. One of the doctors gave me con leave-(which means I got to go home for a months and it didn't count against my days of leave) I went home and I got better because I got ot see my old life back, on my final day of leave "jose" see's me walking in the street, I was on my way to the dry cleaners. He gave me a lift and we talked for a little while. He was tellingme how him and his high school sweetheart "linda" had broken up a few months ago because she was hitting him and that things where never the same. In the car he asked me if it would be okay for him to kiss me. "jose" said that he had been wanting to kiss me for years. I told him yes and it was sparkles and fireworks and all the great stuff. Lol :D

That day in the car he invited me to go out and do something since it WAS my last day until I had to go back to basic training and finish what I had started. "jose" picked me up from my house an hour later and he said if it would okay to go to his house and hang out there for a while. I told him that it would be fine, and just for us to catch up. We went to his house and talked for a while. Then being 19 year olds that we were, our hormones got the best of us and you can imagined what happened. It was the most beautiful moment that I knew I would cherish forever . It was special and he said that he has never hooked up like that with anyone, I told him the same thing. But since we did know each other for a while I figured what the hell. He swept me off my feet and he said he had'nt felt that way since "linda". The next day I left for san antonio. And I din not know when I would return...

Since I was on medical hold when I arrived, we could make phone calls when the instructors allowed it.I talked to him as much as I could. He confessed he fell in love with me, I told him I felt the same way. A month later I had graduated basic training and I just needed to to my tech school and then I could go home for a week and a half to do RAP( recruiters assistant program) while on the phone he would tell me that we were going to go get married and have a family and all that great stuff. I was excited to go home because I didn't know what my life would be like when I graduated and when to Florida.I finished tech school, not having as much fun as evryone else because everyone was out sleeping around and going to the on base club, and I was being a faithful to the man that held my heart. I graduated tech school and went home...

I did go home but not to my house. I went to live with "jose" for the week and a half.my parents stopped talking to me because they felt I had ditched them for some guy. I don't blame them I did. And I hurt them because I didn't go home to where I was suppose to be. One day I was talking to one of my friends and told my friend about "jose". My friend knew who I was talking about and said that he was not the best of people to be with because of his rep and because he had a daughter. I told my friend that I had no idea about this. I later asked "jose" about it and he said he couldn't talked about it. He asked me to drop the subject. I did, but then he confessed to me that he "thought" that his ex girlfriend (not linda) had a baby girl named "meme" that was his "daughter" but he needed proof :confused: . Well we talked about it and I believed him. He never once metioned marrige to me but I didn't want to push the subject... I trusted him though.

I was stationed in the dc area and after my week and a half home I had to report to my new base. I left home again leaving "jose" behind. A few months later I couldn't take it any more... I bought him a plane ticket to come up here. He did. Then he left to go back to home and after a month I missed him so much that I bought him another plane ticket for him to stay with me for 3 weeks this time. "jose" came and he was with me for the 3 weeks. He had lost his job on acount that he came to see me the last time and was late for work and he got fired so I would pay his car payment sometimes, paid the cell phone bill and give him money when he asked . He later left to go home.

Before "jose" came to visit me the second time around, I met this guy named "david" and I thought he was a real sweetheart, and I told him even though I knew it was wrong I sort of liked him and he said he liked me too. We went out a lot just as friends though. He was really down to earth and made me feel special by doing little things like complimenting me and taking me out to dinner and movies, he was a great guy. When "jose" came to visit he saw the way "david" looked at me. He automatically said I was cheating on him... how could I? Is that the kind of person he thought I was?:( so he asked me not to hang around him anymore. I did listen to "jose" until he left to go back to Florida. He always tried to control me in every asspect, to the way I dressed to the way my hair color was to the way I couldn't cook... everything. He just had nothing nice to say... I was getting very dissapointed in him... was "jose" really worth my parents still mad at me?. he took all the money I had little by little...

One day me and "jose" were fighting on the phone and I told him that it was over because I had fallen for someone else that wasn't so selfish and minipluate. He made me feel lower then dirt, saying how I could be with someone that I just met and leaving someone that REALLY loved me and has known me for 10 years. I went out with "david" a fellow airman like myself. "david" proposed to me and I said yes. In the mist of everything... david ended up saying that it would best if we waited because his mother did not agree that he gets married so young. I told him it was not in her place to say no to us because she didn't even give me a chance yet. I called her up and talked to her, she made it clear that if she is not in control of her son she did not want the marrige to take place. I told "david" that it was not fair and he decided we needed to take a break so he could think.

I called "jose" just to say hi and he went on saying that if I wanted him back that he was still there for me and all of this BS. He said that "david" didn't really love me and that he was just playing with me. I was starting to believe "jose" and then it started aagain... he needed money for this and he needed money for that, and he made his "daughter" meme take a paternaty test, and the test confired that YES he was the father so now I needed to give him money for child support, and like an idiot I kept giving him money. I got fed up with it... so without telling "jose" I got back together with "david" and we got married...

After "david" and I got married he still called me to ask me for money and to tell me that if I wanted him back I I needed to humiliate myself and tell him that he was right all the time... he wanted me to suck up to him and never tell him he is wrong :mad:... I guess I opened my eyes... and I stopped talking to him...
I wrote him a letter saying that I got married and I hope he uderstands...
THIS IS WHERE IT GETS VERY INTERESTING...

I come to find out that him and his "ex gf" Linda never broke up... in fact they had been MARRIED!:eek: and his daughter he said that at one point his baby's mama didn't want "jose" to see meme and just left was another lie... he ad ALWAYS know that "meme" was his daughter and he just didn't want to step up... he got his baby's mama pregnant and since she was in a different school (middle school)he made sure everyone knew him as "jose" and not his real name just so when his baby's mama came to our high school she couldn't find him... he also pulled out one of his teeth cut his hair and changed the way he was just so his baby's mama couldn't find him and for him to pay child support... :eek:

I had to find out all of this by one of his and my closest friend that knew all along about how he is and how horrible of a person he truly is na dthe only reason why he couldn't telll me sooner was because he did not know here I was stationed or anything...

I saw his wedding video on myspace and how a lot of his friends know that he is cheating on his wife wit other people... I just feel so bad that someone would just do that we have known each other for 10 years... as one gets older lyou relize how much people can be so horrible to one another... I just have so much anger built in me...
I'm married and I love my husband with all my heart and I know I am only 20yrs old but I I love him becuause he doesn't have a secret life... as far as I know lol... I just don't know if it is normal to fell so much anger I found out about "jose's" true self about a month ago and still I have so much anger and I just feel so stupid that I thought he was my other half... but he just did me so wrong...
What kills me is that he didn't have to guts to tell it to me... I had to hear it from other people... how can I get over this without damaging my marriage? Is there hope for me?

Thank you for those who accually read all this sorry it was boring I just REALLY needed to get it off my chest before I just explode lol girls... be careful who you trust

Hi Dneimiera,

First, Beautiful name, Beautiful picture and thank you so very much for your service and sacrifice for our country.

Okay... boy oh boy. Is there hope for you? You never lost hope and sadly it is "Jose" who is hopeless.

Is is so very normal for you to be angry and upset. Heck, I am angry and upset for you. If a girlfriend lied to you this much, you would be just as angry, so your marriage is safe and it has nothing to do with your marriage at all.

You say you knew "Jose" for 10 years, but actually, you never really knew the real "Jose" did you? Just the picuture he painted covered in lies. I don't like to talk badly about people and I have no kind words for Jose. Just terrible the things he has done and probably still is. I can only offer him hope that he turns his life around and stops hurting others.

Dniemiera, you hold your head high. You entered into that relationship as a kind and loving young lady with honestly and a true heart. Work through this anger and upset, which is so understandable. Share this with your husband and get it off your chest. I bet once you do, you will feel better and be able to see things much clearer. "Jose" is a troubled young man and if he doesn't turn his life around, his future does not look very bright.

Work through your upset, be grateful as heck that Jose is now NOT a part of your life and put that lying mess behind you. Try and not keep him in your life and allow him to do more harm by even given him a second thought.

All things we go through in life are a chance to learn and grow. When we experience difficult times it makes us appreciate the good ones and the blessings we receive. I think you are a beautiful, smart, intelligent young lady, who escaped the clutches of someone who lied and manipulated you and now you are in the loving arms of your husband.

See, this actually has a happy ending.

My very best to you,
Allheart

Hi Dniemiera,
Wow. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to go through all of that. And what you must be feeling is probably quite overwhelming at the moment. And it certainly wasn't boring to read, I can totally understand your need to vent.
But tell me, why do you think this could damage your marriage? Does it change anything about your feelings for David? Or his feelings for you?
Jose was using you, that's clear. Is this making it difficult to be trusting in your current relationship?
Do you still have feelings for Jose, in spite of it all?
Does David know the full story? The best thing for both of you might be to talk about it, and for him to know exactly how you're feeling.

Take care,

Kal

Well I have talked to my husband about this messy situation, but he tells me that it is over and that it is in the past and that we should look forward. I try but it just has left me with a scar in my heart. I have been honest with my husband but I don't want to keep telling him over and over about jose because then david might get frustated with me since I keep bringing up jose. In spite of all this I still do have feelings for jose. I'm not saying that I am still head over heels about him, its just hard coping with the truth sometimes. Jose doing this to me hasn't really affeted my trust with david. David is david and jose is and will forever be jose. But every time that one song plays on the radio , or when I hear his name or when I see certain shows on TV, I just stop and think how he is doing. I want to stop thinking about him but I know it will take time. I just don't want david thinking that I will just up and leave for jose. The only thing I know is that just to be on the safe side I can't see jose ever again just so I don't fall into temptation. Thanks for reading my story most people whould just be like... damn... too long, next lol I just needed to vent :o

Hi Dneimiera,

First, Beautiful name, Beautiful picture and thank you so very much for your service and sacrifice for our country.

Okay...boy oh boy. Is there hope for you? You never lost hope and sadly it is "Jose" who is hopeless.

Is is so very normal for you to be angry and upset. Heck, I am angry and upset for you. If a girlfriend lied to you this much, you would be just as angry, so your marriage is safe and it has nothing to do with your marriage at all.

You say you knew "Jose" for 10 years, but actually, you never really knew the real "Jose" did you? Just the picuture he painted covered in lies. I don't like to talk badly about people and I have no kind words for Jose. Just terrible the things he has done and probably still is. I can only offer him hope that he turns his life around and stops hurting others.

Dniemiera, you hold your head high. You entered into that realtionship as a kind and loving young lady with honestly and a true heart. Work through this anger and upset, which is so understandable. Share this with your husband and get it off your chest. I bet once you do, you will feel better and be able to see things much clearer. "Jose" is a troubled young man and if he doesn't turn his life around, his future does not look very bright.

Work through your upset, be grateful as heck that Jose is now NOT a part of your life and put that lying mess behind you. Try and not keep him in your life and allow him to do more harm by even given him a second thought.

All things we go through in life are a chance to learn and grow. When we experience difficult times it makes us appreciate the good ones and the blessings we receive. I think you are a beautiful, smart, intelligent young lady, who escaped the clutches of someone who lied and manipulated you and now you are in the loving arms of your husband.

See, this actually has a happy ending.

My very best to you,
Allheart


You are very inspiring thank you for your wise words, I really needed them :D

Sometimes it is the best feeling in the world when we can get the past out of our brain an down on paper. It is uplifting. I think you have answered all your own questions, you just need to leave "jose" on this post and move on with your current life with "david". Good luck and never look back.

Thank you for you service to our country and keeping each and everyone of us safe... even "jose".

I am working at night and I just want to know if it is not a good idea to be working at night since I'm pregnant. I am almost out of my 1 tri, and I can feel that it is making me weak because I can't sleep sometimes during the day. Will this affect my baby after they are born? Will they want to sleep more during the day and be up up all night? I'm going to be a new mom so I need a little help :D

I also worked at night during my pregnancy, but unfortunately had to stop because I was getting way too tired. I started to work daylight in the middle of my second trimester, and I am glad I did. I do not believe this will effect your babies sleep schedule, at first almost all babies are up at night anyway. Do what is best for you. If you find yourself getting to tired, and not getting enough rest, maybe you should try and change shifts if possible. Remember now is the time to take good care of yourself, don't overdue it. Good Luck to you!!

I've been married since nov of last year. Before my husband and I got married, my husband had told his mother that he was dating me and that we were happy together. We dated for a while and then he proposed to me and I said yes. We were so happy and excited to start our life together as a married couple. My husband was very worried about what his mother would say because we ARE young, (20) and he was waiting to tell her appropriatly in person. My husband had told his father's side of the family and they were all fine with it. But word got around and my husband's mother found out from his grandparents that we were getting married and we SO pissed off. Understandable because she felt left out. I called her because she was pressuring my husband to call off the wedding plans. I called and I talked to her. I confronted her about why she didn't want us to get married. Long story short...

She called me immature and selfish and that we were making a huge mistake. She says that she was fine with us being engaged, but I told her it was not her decision or place to tell us that she was cool wit her being engaged. I felt insulted like she was giving us permission. I told her we are both in the military not knowing if we might have to deploy soon and we might be separated and not see each other for a long time and plus we love each other more then anything. We are starting our careers making money living on our own and I didn't see where the problem was. She said that she didn't agree wit us and that I call her when I grow up and hung up on me.:mad:

We got married and we invited her to come... of course she didn't come and made excuses.

Now my problem is this: my husband and I are going to have our first child together and my husband went down to where his mother is and told her we are expecting BUT once again family opened there BIG mouths and told her and didn't give my husband a chance to make peace and make her feel like she is included and tell his mother the great news. I have tried talking to her because I don't want her to not be in our child's life but at the same time she has not returned my phone calls, blocked my number from her house and when I mailed her a letter it got returned by her husband marked " unwanted mail". I told my husband that there is only so much I am willing to do to start a relationship wit my mother and law but she is not trying. My husband gets upset because he told me that I need to go meet his mother and I have to go to her house. I told him that no... she needs to make an effort and come see me... I feel kind of selfish but I have to but my foot down. I will not be following her like a puppy just so I get shut down... AGAIN. She tells my husband that she is not mad at me (I don't no why she should be) but will not make any effort to talk to me. This is causing turmoil in my marriage because I understand from my husband's point of view how he feels but at the same time he doesn't comprehend me...

T feels like I will always have this problem wit my husband and sooner or later its going to come down to "its your mother or its me" and I don't want to have to go in that direction. We argue about this at least once a week, sometimes more sometimes less. I try to avoid it because to me she is a lost cause. I'm not a child nor should I be treated like one. We are all adults and need to communicate but it feels like I'm not going to be good enough ever for her to accept me. I'm not a horrible person but in her eyes I'm nothing but a whore... she told his family that is what I am and that she can't stand me being wit her baby boy... YET she has never met me! The nerve! Since we are bothe military I would love absolutley LOVE to go to a different country and when when the baby is born just live and do things our ways no opinions from family or judgments or how to raise our child... we will both figure it out together, I just don't want to hurt my husband's feelings anymore... to his I am the one that is not willing to make the relationship work wit his mother, but it is not that way at all.

I just would hate that my mother in law would completely ignore her first grandchild just because she doesn't like me... it would really hurt... more then her calling me a whore :confused: I just need some advise because I feel like I have no one to turn to...
I'm pregnant and emotional and I feel so alone right now

You sound to be pretty well grounded and happy in your life and now expecting a baby to complete the union.

Your mother in law on the hand sounds very jealous of your ability to be that way with her son. I can understand how she feels if she is close to her son and found out second hand that you two were tying the knot. Is she 'old country', by that I mean is she from another culture ? This could explain why she is reacting this way.

All I can say is, just love your husband they way you want to, enjoy your life together and although you probably would like to have harmony between the three of you, you will just have to rise above the petiness of your mother in law and hope she comes around when she her lovely grandchild. If not, you tried and that is about all you can do. Yes, when you are pregnant all small things ae magnified and you do become emotional. Concentrate on you, your husband and your coming happy event and stay as calm and focused as you possibly can with these unpleasant outside influences.

Good luck

OH SWEETHEART! Let me give you a bit of advice... BE HAPPY SHE Doesn't"T WANT TO TAKE EVERYTHING YOU"VE GOT JUST TO HAVE HER WAY!!

My own blood mother was the same way to me when I met my fiancé. They liked him until she found out he wasn't going to do what SHE wanted and support her lazy butt. Then she started doing underhanded things to try and break us up. Sent cards doused in perfume addressed to him from "other girls" and told me they found out he was a member of a swingers club and all kinds of crap. When that didn't work they started calling me 20 times a day "just to talk" and when I changed our number they would show up unannounced. So we got a restraining order. That didn't even work, now we are fighting her in court at a lot of money per hour to keep her from getting visitation because she wants to use my daughter to try and break us up. My advice, leave her alone unless you HAVE to talk with her, don't make him choose, because my husband didn't and I love him even more for that. But make him aware that you will not stand for her to get in the middle of your's and his life and you won't stand for her to corrupt or ruin your child. But reassure him that you will support him. AND DO NOT FIGHT WITH HIM OVER HER. Because that is EXACTLY what she wants!! But from me to you, if that woman wants you out bad enough and she is devious enough it will come down to him making that choice or you will have to walk for the well being of your baby and the peace of mind for yourself. Keep in mind that it is his mother and BELIEVE me that is one of the HARDEST things that man will ever have to accept and do.

From her perspective, but not necessarily right, I think she took your saying you didn't need her permission the wrong way. Also she is being overly sensitive that you did not let her know first. I agree with achampo that she is being devious.
Your husband really is expecting too much from you to go make peace because she already sends your mail back as unwanted. If you try to go make peace she could very easily call the police on you.
I take it your husband must still be on good terms with her so why doesn't he call her and ask her how this can be resolved.
Does she expect him to take her the baby to visit without you?
Does she expect to have a good relationship with the baby without working things out with you?
I think the only thing you can do at this point is to send her the baby pictures (and nobody else) first thing and include a letter saying you really want to be a happy family with her and want to know what you can do to get her forgiveness.
If she returns it then so be it you at least would have made another attempt.

You sound to be pretty well grounded and happy in your life and now expecting a baby to complete the union.

Your mother in law on the hand sounds very jealous of your ability to be that way with her son. I can understand how she feels if she is close to her son and found out second hand that you two were tying the knot. Is she 'old country', by that I mean is she from another culture ? This could explain why she is reacting this way.

All I can say is, just love your husband they way you want to, enjoy your life together and although you probably would like to have harmony between the three of you, you will just have to rise above the petiness of your mother in law and hope she comes around when she her lovely grandchild. If not, you tried and that is about all you can do. Yes, when you are pregnant all small things ae magnified and you do become emotional. Concentrate on you, your husband and your coming happy event and stay as calm and focused as you possibly can with these unpleasant outside influences.

Good luck



Thanks for the reply! To answer your question, I am the one that is from a different culture. She is born and raised in america, I on the other hand was raised in central america and north america. Even though I was rasied in america I was raised under hispanic culture and principles. But thank you for your words really appreciated

I'm just about 28 weeks pregnant and I just wanted to let everyone know that my husband and I can't wait until our son is in our arms. I don't know if it is just me or not but I am getting really anxious. I get so overwhelmed thinking that I will have the biggest and most important job in the world, being a mother. I'm just so excited and getting really impatient. I am in the "nesting" stage. I didn't realize that humans went through a nesting stage. I had to look it up on line because all of a sudden I just started being so concerned about keeping my house germ-free and having everything perfect. Now that I have cleaned evrything I have nothing else to do. Lol well I don't really have much of a question I just wanted to write what I'm feeling and going through right now. I am just so excited to be a mommy!

It is a very exciting time for you and your husband! The nesting instinct may come and go through the rest of your pregnancy too. Do what you can to prepare for labor and birth to help with some of the anxiety, whether it is taking classes, reading books/magazine articles, getting info online, etc... treat yourselves to some special times together if possible before baby comes, maybe a weekend away or even just a night away to be pampered a bit. Enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy!