If a mother claims you are the father during pregnancy and then pretty much denies you are once it is born but still keeps your parents around, doesn't want you on the birth certificate or to pay any child support, and refuses a paternity test,(she is basically telling everyone else I am the father but denies it to me) is there anything you can have her sign so that she doesn't come back for back child support later in life if she does change her mind. I was still planning on sending her some money every month just for good measure but if she refuses it now and then later comes back and claims I am the father again I know I will have to pay anyway. Also, I am estranged from my own parents because of my mothers severe emotional abuse and she is planning on being a big part of this child's life but I am concerned for this child after what she has done to me and my brother. What can I do to keep her away from the baby? Any input would be appreciated!

Mr. Smith - Legal Admin

Please do not double enter questions. I already posted to this answer on the family board under children.

That said, Legal Admin, would you please attach my response from the children's board to your board.

The legal answers are more important now.

I wouldn't send her the money since she is acting this way.
Instead I would set up a savings account in your name for the baby. Then you will have money saved up for if and when the time comes. If she never tries to get child support from you you will have a nice amount to give him when he is college age.
Since she won't put your name on the birth certificate she can't come after you for child support without first consenting to the paternity test.
You really can't do anything about your mom not seeing the baby as long as she allows her to.

There is nothing you can have her sign that would prevent her from getting child support. At this point, since you are not on the birth certificate, a DNA test would have to be done for her to get child support anyway.
But if you are worried that in the future she may take you for child support and ask for back child support... I would suggest YOU take it to the courts.

You should petition in court for a paternity test to be done. Upon those results, if you are the father, I would request child support be set up (regardless if she wants it or not, it's not for her, its for the child) and I would also request visitation.

At this point (as far as your parents are concerned) since you have no legal claim to this child and technically the father is unknown... there is nothing you can do. But taking the above advise and going to court would allow you a say in the matter.

Instead of being reactive to this woman, be proactive and get the DNA test done. So that question of paternity is settled. This female may or may not know who really is the Father of her child. If she was so sure, why wouldn't she agree to the testing?

If the test is negative, then you know what to do - walk away from her and her drama. If the test is positive, you know what to do - take parental responsibility. Obtain joint custody, go for full custody if you want. TALK to a lawyer.

First we are talking about money, not about your repsoniblity and the need to be a father to the child.

There is nothing you can sign, in fact if she would collect state welfare the state may come after you for the payment, even if she does not.

And she can't refuse a DNA test, you should get it now, so that in 10 years you don't end up oweing 30,000 to her.
Go to court order a DNA test, and then get vistiation with your child and be a father.

If there is not a court order for child support to begin, where is this $30,000 going to come from? Out of the blue? My understanding is that it only begins to build after a judge grants the order.

If someone doesn't pay despite that order, it can grow then.

Some of the postings make it seem that child support obligations are retroactive from the birth...

Not that I am aware of. If a child is twelve before support is ordered, they don't go back to day one to collect for all of that time.

I agree if he wants any say at all, the test should be done. Otherwise the mother has all say in the matter.

Oneguyinohio is exactly right!

if there is not a court order for child support to begin, where is this $30,000 going to come from? Out of the blue? My understanding is that it only begins to build after a judge grants the order.

If someone doesn't pay despite that order, it can grow then.

Some of the postings make it seem that child support obligations are retroactive from the birth...

Not that I am aware of. If a child is twelve before support is ordered, they don't go back to day one to collect for all of that time.

I agree if he wants any say at all, the test should be done. Otherwise the mother has all say in the matter.

This may be contingent on whether or not paternity is established (like signing the birth certificate at birth).

Since he is not on the birth certificate, thus not legally acknowledging he is the father, and the mother isn't pressing the issue... back child support may not be ordered if this were to go to court.

Had he signed the birth certificate when the child was born, he would have then been acknowledging to be the father, thus he should be supporting the child... if he couldn't show proof that he has been supporting the child since birth I bet back child support would be ordered from date of birth.

My daughters father signed her birth certificate. We agreed on an amount for child support (out of court) and he paid it to me directly. When things started to fall through and we went to court to have child support legally set and ordered, he was ordered to pay back child support dated from my daughters date of birth (at this point she was about 1 year old). I had kept personal records of when he had given me money, so I showed that to the judge and asked him to take that amount off the arrearages (it was only fair).
So in my case, child support was dated from the date of birth, but I'm not sure if that was becase he signed the birth certificate, thus acknowledging parental status from birth.

if there is not a court order for child support to begin, where is this $30,000 going to come from? Out of the blue? My understanding is that it only begins to build after a judge grants the order.

If someone doesn't pay despite that order, it can grow then.

Some of the postings make it seem that child support obligations are retroactive from the birth...

Not that I am aware of. If a child is twelve before support is ordered, they don't go back to day one to collect for all of that time.

I agree if he wants any say at all, the test should be done. Otherwise the mother has all say in the matter.



Not totally correct - the mother can always sue the "father" and claim he offered to pay expenses and did not, medical expenses, things like that. Happens all the time in Family Court, Small Claims, superior Courts - she claims she never filed for support because he said he would take care of things; he says he never said that. Meanwhile, there she stands with a stack of bills and in this case it would appear his parents are involved and believe he's the father and so her argument could be logical.

Why put yourself through this? Go to Court, get the test - and it's not a case of the mother having all the say - it's a case of protecting your own tail now and in the future... and providing for your child.

I see your point. Judges hold a lot of power that I'm sure of. It might be different by location or circumstance. I certainly don't know all the possibilities.

J,

Please trust me on this one While I am not an attorney, I am my son's Power of Attorney and as such I represented his interests when he was trying to find out if he was dad.

Cardinal rule number one - Never give Mom any money directly. Any extra money or child support must go to the state agency for disbursement to the Mom.

Remember this is about a child. Not what Mom wants. At this point in time, the child's Mom is making the statement that you are not the dad.

Again, go to the State Agency and tell them of the birth of the child and that you believe you are the father of the child, but the mother says you are not. Stop right there! Say nothing about your Mom and Dad or her parents. Right now this is between you and the State. Believe me, it's not often that they get a potential dad in their offices voluntarily.

If the lab results prove you are, "Dad", then follow the recommendations of the State on what to do next.

If you are not Dad, call your parents and let the know you are not Dad to the child.

Cardinal rule number one - Never give Mom any money directly. Any extra money or child support must go to the state agency for disbursement to the Mom.



Maybe this depends on the State or whether the mother receives assistance but this is definitely not true in NYS. There is no State agency involved until you get a State (government) agency involved and you can't just drop off money and ask that the agency forward it to the mother - so you pay the mother and get receipts.

Judy,

Not only is there an agency set up to assist in family there is a whole court system :)

Either I mis wrote my posting or somehow you got out of sequence with I was directing him to do. So let me try to organize it a little better.

1) Call the Child welfare and services to make an appointment regarding paternity testing.
2) Keep the appointment and tell them that you believe yourself to be the natural parent of "Sweetie (?)" DNA test to either Whose Mom is "Trouble" and that if you are, you would like to get the preliminary taken work started.
3) Follow the instructions given to you by the State Agency.

For general knowledge I made the statement, never to send money to the Mom because she asks for it. Any money you send to the benefit of the child should go to the appointed State to be disbursed to the child.

On the subject of past child support payments, the Court and only the Court can rule on that. Yet another good reason to establish your paternity.

Our case was an ant colony's version of a fire drill. Shortly after Paige arrived, Jim decided he would fix the paper work. He knew how close we were to Paige and in fact, while he had chose to move to Florida, Paige and Mom moved in for about a year.

It turns out the document Mom wanted fixed was the Declaration of Paternity. It was updated and then sat unnoticed until year three of Paige's world when Mom filed for the third time to seek child support.

When they called me they did not calm down until I told them that my son, had never refused the test. It was Mom,

Now we are in court and the judge looks at Jim and says you put your name on this document and therefore I going to assign back child support payments as of that date in the amount of $4,000. Is that okay with you. Jim said to the Judge, that's fine since I am her dad.

You could have picked me up off the floor with a sponge, I was so proud of his answer.