Multiple threads merged

All right, recently I've been wondering what is going on at work. See I'm in my 20s, and this female co-worker is 4 years older than me. While we are at work together, she seems to flirt with the other co-workers and myself. After work, we sometimes text/call each other or sometimes grab something to eat or run errands. She only does this with me, and no one else at work. The conversations basically consist of normal everyday conversations. Now these conversations usually always take place while the boyfriend is either gone working out of town for a few days. Or while he's asleep or working in another part of their house. They have been together for about 3-4 years, and are currently living together.

I really enjoy hanging out with this girl and talking to her, but I'm not sure what I should do. I would like to be more than friends, but I'm not sure what her feelings are about that. I'm pretty inexperienced with dating and I'm just wondering if she is just thinking of me as a good friend. I just don't understand what she's trying to tell me. It just feels odd that she would hang out with me while she has a boyfriend.

I've met her boyfriend and he's around 11 years older than her! That is a pretty big age gap in my opinion. I've only talked to him a few times but he seems normal and an OK guy. She talks about him a lot too when we are talking. She always seems to bring him up in one of our conversations either negatively or positively.

I just don't want to do anything that would make our current friendship get messed up.

Please, if anyone has any ideas on what I could do, please let me know!
Thanks

She is your friend and likes your company when the boyfriend is not around. For you to think at this point that there is a romance here - there is no romance. Please don't keep thinking there is anythine more here than a friendship. Try and find your own girlfriend and maybe the 4 of you can double date. Don't forgo a friendship with her as everyone needs friends.

I would say that you are setting yourself up for failure if you are trying to date this woman. There are plenty of women out there who are single and it might be a wise to look for someone other than your co-worker. Do you want to come between her and her boyfriend? In my opinion, I would remain friends but not go any further than that. If you like the qualities that she has then remember them and try to find someone with those qualities.

Walk. Away. Slowly.

Leave it as is is. She might just enjoy having a friend. You said her flirty behaviour is not exclusive with you at work.

She probably just feels more relaxed in talking to guys because she is not considering any dating situation because she is already with someone. She isn't hiding the boyfriend.

If you can't keep the boundaries clear, better take a few steps back away from the border.

You might be pretty close to crossing a line that you shouldn't.

Ok, after I read what you all have posted, I've been able to think more about this, and I knew that I was only just her friend and I was just making sure that I wasn't missing something she was trying to tell me. I've just been wondering why I'm the special one at work that she actually hangs out with and talks to outside of work. I think she knows that I sort of like her, but for her it seems that she likes that attention. I do not want to come between her and her boyfriend. Lots of people talk to her about her situation and give her crap on how much older her boyfriend is than her. These other co-workers tell her that her relationship isn't going anywhere... I'm not sure why they say that but it just seems that she complains about him sometimes. But I know that all relationships have trouble spots.

Other people at work keep asking us if we're dating now since we hang out on occasion.

I don't know, I think I'll just be a good friend, and maybe wait and see what happens

Ah. The wait-and-see method.

Be the good friend. However, I wouldn't be the good friend expecting that it'll be more.

All right, well lately we've been hanging out more now, and we've been talking a lot more on the phone. Her boyfriend is gone for the weekend and instead of texting me she's been calling me, and I've been calling her. Our conversations though have gotten really lame though lately. We will talk on the phone and then we'll change subjects every sentence. She'll talk about something on TV, and then I'll bring up something else, and same goes both ways. I don't mind it much, but once we're done thinking of stuff to talk about we just sort of end the conversation in an awkward way. I don't know... I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to make our conversations more exciting and so we both don't get bored.

She has a live-in boyfriend. That makes her seem pretty unavailable to me. If you're counting on this going anywhere, don't.

Yes I know, but right now I'm happy with being friends, I'm just wondering how I can make our conversations a little bit more normal and not so awkward. It's like we run out of stuff to talk about.

*** edit, sorry misread the post, small font, bad eyes.** somewhere in there I thought it said she was bi. So am editing my post to remove that



Now on the other hand perhaps she is just an unfaithful slut that wants to sleep with other men when her live in boyfriend is away, I guess my thought there is , ( does he own guns?)

Reading here, we find married ( and this is not that committed relastionshp since it is a boyfriend still) cheat all the time. So I guess it all depends on do you wish to lower yourself to that level. But sounds like she is looking for a friend when he is away.

She calls you whilst her boyfriend is away? Now DO NOT get your hopes up my man, but that's a slight indication you may have something to hope for in the future. Either her actions will lead you to be very good friends or something more, but right now you cannot approach her because she, at this point, would shoot you down.

Keep an eye out for her behaviour when he's not around and take note of that, tell us if you find anything.

OK, so today we talked on the phone again, and we got talking about her boyfriend. She said that they are people that stay home a lot and just don't go out much. She said that it is their way of having "fun". I asked her if she liked staying home all the time and she mentioned that she liked it occasionally but not all the time. She then went onto saying that she thinks it's because of his older age. She mentioned that he used to be wild and crazy "back in the day" but now he's just old and wants to stay home a lot. Now she didn't know him back in those crazy days, but I sort of can tell that she doesn't always like staying home all the time.

I then asked if she needed any company tonight to play some video games or to just have a drink and watch some TV. She passed and had chores around the house to do so when her boyfriend gets back into town, the house will be clean.

All right, It's the first day back with her boyfriend back in town. We talked at work for a bit, but tonight I tested the water. I text her once to see what she was up too, wondering what she would do while he was home. Still no response or phone call. If it were this past weekend when she was alone, she would call me up or respond in a relatively quick manner.

Also today, they had a pretty heated phone conversation. After they were finished, she said she should just be single.

Not sure what to make of it...

Alright, It's the first day back with her bf back in town. We talked at work for a bit, but tonight I tested the water. I text her once to see what she was up too, wondering what she would do while he was home. Still no response or phone call. If it were this past weekend when she was alone, she would call me up or respond in a relatively quick manner.

Also today, they had a pretty heated phone conversation. After they were finished, she said she should just be single.

Not sure what to make of it...


Nvm, I just received a call from her... her boyfriend just left and she gave me a call. What's going on? Lol

Backup boyfriend... she's living the life.

Sounds like you are the crutch she is leaning on to end the relationship with the boyfriend.

I wouldn't want to be in that spot. Now you'll have to wonder if you're going to be a rebound thing for the moment.

It just seems like she cares about me though... I told her I liked spending time with her and talking. So now she is always excited to call me and stuff and talk. I don't think she'd want to have me as a rebound.

Girls don't plan to rebound... they just happen.

Again my man,

Do not get your hopes up. I do see something in this. Either she is calling you because she trusts you as a friend OR you are the one she will come running too when/if this is over.

From the sounds of it you don't seem to mind being the "other" guy... you old dog:)

From a woman's perspective:

Just remember... If you involve yourself with her, three or four years down the road, she may "feel the need" for another friend... and you could possibly find yourself in the same situation, but on the other side.

If that's a risk that you want to take, then go for it! But as a woman, I agree with ISneezeFunny, girls don't cover their bases and plan to rebound... Good girls, that is.

Good luck!

Ok, I hear you all... I just don't know how long I want to "wait" I guess. I sort of have my hopes up right now, but I need to understand what she has going on in her life right now. She seems unhappy in her relationship this past week, but that again just gives me hope that probably will be shot down a week later. I just don't see anything really happening with her leaving him because they do live together, and she would need to find another place to live. Unless they broke up cleanly... but who knows. I just see him being to old to change his ways, and if she's not happy with those ways, then she should realize it and get out. But that's not my call.

I've been having troubles talking to this girl I work with. We have many conversations through out the day and outside of work. It just seems to fizzle out after awhile. She has a boyfriend who she lives with, and I sort of like her.

If you read my other question you can understand more about that.

But anyway, I make her laugh all the time, I mean all the time. But then we can have our own private talks and try being serious. I'm OK with those too because she does most of the talking and then I give my feedback.

We chat on the phone too every so often and we just seem to run out of things to say. We talk about our day that we pretty much had together at work, and then we talk about food and just other random things.

We also email at work back and forth to stay in touch.

What is going on? And what do you think about it?

You're her "girlfriend", and she likes the friendship, as you say she is taken, so what's so confusing?? You want more, but I doubt you get it.

Well, the past few days at work have become different in a way. We still email back and forth, but not as often, and we don't talk to each other outside of work as much. I asked if something was wrong and she just said that she's been having some financial troubles with people she's loaned money to. Not sure if that's the whole problem, but I can't really tell. She was talking about her bills, and how she's stuck right now. I don't think it's just financial troubles.

I'd like to help her out, but I don't want to get to close and friendly that I scare her away.

Any ideas what may be going on and what I can do? At this point I'm happy being friends, but if we don't communicate, I'm starting to feel sort of left out or not as an important friend.

You're starting to act like a clingy boyfriend.. . that's a problem. Just keep in mind that you're a friend to her, nothing more. If she has a problem she wants to share with you, then she'll talk to you. If not, don't prod.

You're starting to act like a clingy boyfriend. ...that's a problem. Just keep in mind that you're a friend to her, nothing more. If she has a problem she wants to share with you, then she'll talk to you. If not, don't prod.

Gotcha, thanks for the advice. I sort of feel like I'm too clingy at times. I just need to forget all that stuff and let her come to me. I think I'm just to friendly or sensitive at times.

I hear you. Most of us here are nice guys who care too much or give too much or would do anything to make the life of their significant others happy. That's why we end up here. Because we try too hard. We make it too easy for women.

... no more.

Your spending way too much time, and emotion, on this unavailable female, and this will lead you to being sucked into her drama. No one here knows her, and neither do you really, but its so obvious your hanging around, hoping she breaks up with her b/f, so you can have a chance. Be honest with yourself, and recognize from what you have written, these are not the actions of a friend at all. Get your life back in order, and stop the contact for a while, and do something else, besides worry about her, and her situation.

Most definitely do not get together with her. Ive dated 3 of my co-worker's and it just creates problems and tensions in the workplace.
You get close to people you work with because they are the only people around to talk to, these things rarely work out in the long run.
It just isn't worth it

I'm not looking to work there much longer, and neither is she. I'm still young and always looking for a new job in hopes of finding a career. I plan on working somewhere else in a year or 2 for sure. It's already set up. I've thought of that, but we are just good friends these days. And if something were to happen, I don't really see too much trouble while working together.

I agree one hundred percent with talaniman. Enjoy the company and stop daydreaming - it's never going to happen.

U can only do what's right for you, but I would say be aware of what could happen.

Well I found out that she doesn't really want to get married, her boyfriend had a previous wife. We got to talking more about it, and she says that she's not really wanting to get married. I asked her why, and she just said that her boyfriend is in no big hurry and she just goes with the flow. So if it happens it happens. So I was curious and asked if she would accept if he asked her today... would she get married? She said "probably, i'm young and have plenty of time." She said that they are pretty settled down because they've been together for 3 years.

So basically the furthest I'll get is friendship... right? I mean, it looks like she's satisfied with what is going on currently in her relationship. So right now I'm just having some troubles dealing with this, and trying to not think of her more than a friend.

Help me out! Thanks

Accept she is unavailable, and leave her alone, because you have feelings, and a false hope, for more than she is willing to give. No contact, will help you get over those feelings, and put a better perspective, on this situation.

yes i know, but right now i'm happy with being friends, i'm just wondering how i can make our conversations alittle bit more normal and not so awkward. It's like we run out of stuff to talk about.

You had a sexual chemistry that was flattering but now that's running its course and dying down. Result? Bloody great moments of silence when you have naff all in common - time to let the friendship die and stop kidding yourselves.

All right! This weekend I just flat out told her I liked her. Thankfully she didn't go nuts and freak out and tell her boyfriend to have him come and kill me! I sent it to her in an email over the weekend and she was hesitant to respond. Today she finally responded and just let me know that we were just good friends. That's all I needed to hear! Weight has been lifted and now I know where I'm at in her life. She said that I was a great guy and that I would have no problem finding someone to care about and to love. She said that she hopes we can remain friends and still talk, email, hang out, etc. She told me that growing up, she hated girls, so she didn't have any girlfriends. So she was always around guys, and just hanging out with them. I told her that was the one thing that made me really think she was something special. She told me not to be afraid of talking to her or telling her how I felt.

Although I still enjoy her qualities, I still need to move on and get rid of the feeling that I still have a chance with her. I hope we can still be friends while not thinking about her as as more than just a friend. Let me know what you all think! Thanks

All right, check out my previous post on my co-worker relationship before going any further.

All right! This weekend I just flat out told her I liked her. Thankfully she didn't go nuts and freak out and tell her boyfriend to have him come and kill me! I sent it to her in an email over the weekend and she was hesitant to respond. Today she finally responded and just let me know that we were just good friends. That's all I needed to hear! Weight has been lifted and now I know where I'm at in her life. She said that I was a great guy and that I would have no problem finding someone to care about and to love. She said that she hopes we can remain friends and still talk, email, hang out, etc. She told me that growing up, she hated girls, so she didn't have any girlfriends. So she was always around guys, and just hanging out with them. I told her that was the one thing that made me really think she was something special. She told me not to be afraid of talking to her or telling her how I felt.

Although I still enjoy her qualities, I still need to move on and get rid of the feeling that I still have a chance with her. I hope we can still be friends while not thinking about her as as more than just a friend. Let me know what you all think! Thanks

Ok, so this female friend I work with, she has a boyfriend. We are really good friends... do I get her a Valentines gift? And if so, what do you recommend? Remember she does have a boyfriend. But do friends give each other stuff like that?

NO. Don't do that, it's unnecessary. Valentine's is for people who are together or are courting. She has a BF so at best, you're in the process of trying the steal her away. Yes?

If so, Valentine's Day is irrelevant. You need to be courting her every day, but not with Valentines stuff, that's just confusing.

On the other hand, if you've made no overt attempt to let her know you want her to quit her BF and be with you, then V.Day may be the way to do it, but don't be "friends" in the content. Make sure your intentions are clear.

If you are really just friends, stick to buying coffee.

NO. Don't do that, it's unnecessary. Valentine's is for people who are together or are courting. She has a BF so at best, you're in the process of trying the steal her away. Yes?

If so, Valentine's Day is irrelevant. You need to be courting her every day, but not with Valentines stuff, that's just confusing.

On the other hand, if you've made no overt attempt to let her know you want her to quit her BF and be with you, then V.Day may be the way to do it, but don't be "friends" in the content. Make sure your intentions are clear.

If you are really just friends, stick to buying coffee.

Yeah, I really like her, but she already told me that we're just friends. But she keeps throwing mixed signals at me all the time. I told her I liked her, so she knows. But I think she just wants to be friends. That's fine... I was just wondering about if she would be expecting anything on V-Day.

I offer to buy lunch and go out for supper, but most of the time she declines. Which is telling me that she's not interested. But when we talk, she seems really open and seems interested in me. So I don't know, let me know what you all think!

No, no gift. No flowers, no candy. You can get her a friend to friend card but nothing more. She already has a boyfriend and you are her co-worker and need to keep that relationship as it is.

Normally I'm a hopeless romantic and would say go for it. But in your circumstances, her being a co-worker, and already turning you down, I would say Nothing's necessary. The mixed signals your receiving is probably the fact that she's flattered by your interest. I wouldn't waste my time.

Valentines are for sweethearts, not co-workers, or friends.



But when we talk, she seems really open and seems interested in me.

AS FRIENDS, that the limit of her interest, the rest is you being smitten and hoping for more. FRIENDS that's it.

Don't go there. She has a boyfriend, and he might feel inclined repay the compliment with a knuckle sandwich.

Don't go there. She has a boyfriend, and he might feel inclined repay the compliment with a knuckle sandwich.

Good point here. Have you ever thought of how the boyfriend feels about some male friend, who shows a lot of attention to his woman, especially if they work together?? There are many partners here on this forum, who are quit upset on the attention there partners get from co-workers. Leave this alone, please.

Good point here. Have you ever thought of how the boyfriend feels about some male friend, who shows a lot of attention to his woman, especially if they work together??? There are many partners here on this forum, who are quit upset on the attention there partners get from co-workers. Leave this alone, please.

The thing is Talaniman, she doesn't talk to him about our friendship or even much about me. She probably wouldn't want him knowing about it either. Like when she calls when he's gone, and only does stuff with me when he's gone. If she were to talk to him about us, she would probably get some of the blame. She seems to not mind my behavior towards her.

She seems to not mind my behavior towards her.
Why should she?? All she has to do is tell him, its all on you, and she is clear of blame. Think about it!! She only is your friend when he is not around, and is soooooo open to you at work. She obviously doesn't want him to know about you, and her role in this. Further, she KNOWS full well what your feelings are. You want more, and she uses your willingness to believe that false hope, will keep you close as she wants you to be, even after she told you that she is involved, and unavailable to you, as a romantic partner. Yet you still pursue in the name of friendship, yeah, right. Get a clue guy, and back off, if you can't enjoy the friendship, with some dignity and decorum, leave her alone. Get you a female you can have fun with, and enjoy getting to know, she ain't it.

I wouldn't do it. Knowing that she has a boyfriend, it isn't a good idea.

Ok, its been a few weeks now, and now she's been texting and calling me on a daily basis. I would just want to get over how I feel about her. I told her I might need some space, but she just seems to ignore how I feel and keeps calling and wanting to talk to me. When she calls I like listening, but to be calling everyday after we've worked 9 hour together.. That's a little much isn't it? It seems that it's more of an obligation to talk sometimes too because we don't always have stuff to talk about. I told her that I want to get over her but again, she seems to ignore it and keeps leading me on in a way.
Let me know what you think!Thanks

Stop taking her calls. Or be busy when she calls. Being brief and unavailable, is how you make her lose interest, since telling her to stop isn't working.

Got to spread before giving it to tal

I'm thinking this girl now knows you like her, and is enjoying the love from both her boyfriend and you. Since she's told you how she feels, put up a barrier and be you. Treat it like a rejection and move on.

Querty, Querty, Querty,

You've done gone and resurrected this thread eh, thought this one was buried.

I got to say, good for you for accepting that she is leading you on, although I must say everyone saw this answer coming before you asked. Also, a while back you said you were fine with being her friend and it obviously has not played out that way, you got yourself emotionally attached my friend.

If you can't handle the friendship thing than listen to the above posts, BE NICE, BE POLITE, you do work with her and so talking to her at work for 9 hours should suffice in showing her you are her friend, just try to set the boundary that this friendship, at this point, cannot extend to post-work hours.

I must say I really think this girl is flattered you like her and that's why she leans on you. Although I give her credit for not being rude or letting you down hard, she seems like she does want to be your friend, even if she's leaning a bit.

Do what you mentioned today, that's a good plan and next time try to focus on a girl that has no boyfriend, your chances go way up if she's single:) Jokes, jokes.

Overall, you took a shot and hopefully you learned a lot.

Friend or no, she must respect the boundaries YOU set.

Yeah, although I would like more than friendship, I need to realize that she is sort of using me to just have someone to talk to. Again, I don't mind listening, but it's a little extreme when it's a few times a day. I feel wanted/needed when she calls, and I think that's what she wants me to feel. Like I'm her friend and that she's doing me a favor... but really she's just messing with my head. I can't pursue a relationship any further than friendship right now, but when she calls and wants to talk, I feel like she wants to be more than friends. But knowing that she told me, she just wants to be friends, means that I can't make any moves.
I think space would be good for about 1-2 weeks maybe... just talking at work during that time, and then see what happens after that time. It may be really hard for her to get over the fact that we can't talk after work some days. It will make her think about what she is doing to me and our friendship relationship.
More advice would be appreciated! I like reading what people have to say!

Don't put a timeline on it. Time should have no bearing on what you need to do. If it takes 2 weeks to be comfortable enough to be her good friend than fine, if it takes 2 years, that's fine too.

I think by saying after a week or two your still clinging to some hope that something will change (plus your writing seems to suggest you have not given up all hope, despite what you've been told... sorry). You do it to get over it and if you can't get over it than you continue to do it until you get over it, days/months/years... whatever.

Hope the last line makes sense, lotta it's involved:)

Yeah, I'm still clinging a little because it seems that she doesn't want to let me go in a way. I tell her I want some space but she calls me and wants to talk. I don't want to let her go either in a way but if I want anything to happen, she needs to make the first move... meaning breaking up her current relationship. Then go from there. The reason I believe she is still with him is that she lives with him and she loves the 2 dogs that he has. Other than that I'm not sure what she thinks about him, other than she complains about him. I know it sounds like I'm going backwards on this issue, but just empashizing some main points before I throw all hope out the window!

No,no, those are not main points, they are very,very irrelevant and foolish points. Open the window realllll wide and chuck it.

Not to sound rude, but seriously read it back to yourself. Your main points are that she is only with him because she lives with him?? (probably a reason for that I would hazard to say) and she loves to the 2 dogs?? (guess she could not take them with her) Never met a girl who would marry a guy or live with him because of dogs.

If that's what your hanging hope on than I think it already escaped through the back door while you weren't looking. STOP the madness, let it go.

That's what all females do when they yap to their GIRLFRIENDS!! That's what she is using you for, because she has no real females to talk to. My gosh man, throw hope out the friggin window already, and stop being her g/f. Real men do not let some female control their thoughts and actions. Take man action, and be to busy for that BS.

Lol... Rarely, if ever, have I ever seen T-man get animated about a situation. BANG ON!! That post applies to a lot of posters these days.

Now that I think about it, that's exactly what you appear to be. Her boyfriend should be thanking you for being the shoulder to cry on while he holds her hand around town.

Your better than that Querty, C'MON.

Yeah yeah, I hear you... I do need to man up and not let her control me like this. It's getting to a point were I am now starting to see what has been going on.

Thanks for the input... thanks for giving it to me straight too.

Haha, we've gone about 2-3 days without emailing or texting and it feels pretty good. Today I just texted her seeing what she was up to. She called me, and we chatted for awhile. She talked about how her and the boyfriend were having a heated conversation earlier in the weekend. She didn't really want to expand on it, but it seems like he is wanting her to pay more rent, and he wants to rent out her garage space to a friend... seems odd to me for some reason. She's the one who buys most of the groceries, and he eats it all. She said she's getting a little fed up with what has been going on.

I was just there to listen and give my 2 cents. I wasn't forward in telling her exactly what I thought about the whole situation. Even though she knows how I feel about it already.

Just thought I'd give a little update... feel free to chime in your thoughts! Lol

Ok, the priceless advice ahead of me hasn't phased you, so here's my paltry $0.02. Maybe it will be just enough to tip the scale.

I'm going to tell you what my female "friend" told me when I expressed my undying love for her after I had spent 10 years coping in solitude with my feelings for her in a situation the same as yours. I mean after all, you don't break up with a true friend right?

She cocked her head to the side, snickered, said "Wow, you're really a glutton for punishment!", and smiled.

Do you WANT and NEED to be a glutton for punishment? That's where you are headed, if not already there. You are her girlfriend. Everyone here has told you so and what to do. If you continue your course a deep, dark, pit of misery and despair awaits you.

You've been warned. Thank your lucky stars you found this site when you did and MOVE ON!

Just thought I'd post something to get this thread to the top of the list. I like hearing what people have to say. Lol it gives me something to read!

We've started going our separate ways now. I don't really feel that attached anymore either. We still text and email all the time, but friends can do that. I want to hang out and maybe go to a movie or get something to eat, but she seems to just not want to do that. Maybe it's because she doesn't want to lead me on or something. She says its because her current boyfriend has issues with her having other male friends. That could be true but I'm not sure.

If you set the boundaries and she is forced to rely only on her boyfriend maybe she will realize that possibly she is missing something in her relationship that she comes to you for. You could be doing her a favor if she sees you are not there for her to fall back on.

Just be careful Querty.

You are mentioning "friends" quite often. In reality your not friends, she IS your friend, you are PRETENDING to be her friend. Make sure your not keeping contact with her by fooling yourself into believing your just buds, that can hurt you.

When you get over you crush and you can speak to her with no thoughts of being with her, then and only than can you be considered friends.

If you set the boundaries and she is forced to rely only on her bf maybe she will realize that possibly she is missing something in her relationship that she comes to you for. You could be doing her a favor if she sees you are not there for her to fall back on.

I think I am doing her a favor in that aspect. It's just weird... one day, she'll want to talk and have a good time at work. Other days, she just seems to hate being there. We still talk, but it seems that everything in her life isn't that great. But who's life is great all the time? Nobodies.

Some days I feel like just being invisible to her. I want her to come to me. It used to be me wanting and maybe even begging for her attention. Now it's interesting to see what happens when I'm not that needy, and searching for her. I like to see what she does.

Just be careful Querty.

You are mentioning "friends" quite often. In reality your not friends, she IS your friend, you are PRETENDING to be her friend. Make sure your not keeping contact with her by fooling yourself into beleiving your just buds, that can hurt you.

When you get over you crush and you can speak to her with no thoughts of being with her, then and only than can you be considered friends.


I might have to admit that's true. But since we're still co-workers, it seems that it's the easiest way out. She knows how I feel, yet she is still not doing anything about it. Lately she has been treating more like an adult, rather than someone she just fools around with and leads me on. There is not much of her leading me on anymore which I appreciate. It's more straight forward stuff, and no mind games. So that is helping me quit the pretending and just moving to being true friends.

Some days I feel like just being invisible to her. I want her to come to me. It used to be me wanting and maybe even begging for her attention. Now it's interesting to see what happens when i'm not that needy, and searching for her. I like to see what she does.

I have noticed a lot lately that people act on their moodiness more than anything.
If she is into you one day and ignoring you the next it sounds like she is going a lot on how she feels at any given time. I quit basing my life on revolving around others moods.

Walk away, going out with her would cause so many problems

Lately I've grown to accept that we are just friends. My feelings I thought were strong towards her, yet she had a boyfriend who is 11 years older than her. I told her that I'm no longer going to ask her to do stuff because lately she has been just saying "no" and making excuses. I told her that she has to make the first move if she wants to hang out. But this past week, she invited me to hang out at her place while her boyfriend was gone. I thought that was cool and we would have some fun. I accepted, but she then just told me that her dogs would kill me. Her dogs?? She has been asking me to do stuff some days, waiting for me to accept, and then slapping me in the face with some lame excuse.

A few nights ago we were at a bar together with other co-workers. She had been dating a fellow employee 4 years ago. Now I knew they were good friends a few years ago, but that night she made it a point to tell me that they had been dating. She seemed really into this guy that night, and sort of made me jealous. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I know she's a little older than me, and she has a boyfriend. And having her current boyfriend was one of the main reasons she didn't want to hang out with me. Am I just getting the wrong impression here? Is she the one with the problem? I try to be a nice guy, and I may be clingy sometimes, but I'm always there for her. Then she just keeps rubbing her relationships in my face. Which makes me want her more than a friend. I'm not sure the details of their past relationship, but I just know they were really good friends and had lots of fun together. Do you think I should maybe ask her how that ended? I know I can't be her only friend, but does she really need to keep acting this way?

Sorry dude, she sounds like trouble. She is playing cat and mouse. She will let you go then grab you by the tail and pull you right back in.

I know, its really hard too. The past few weeks her boyfriend will be gone all week and then come home on the weekends. During that time when he is gone, we'll call each other and text each other till she goes to bed. And that's after we worked all day together. It's just getting hard to move past this. I really really think she's a great person. It's not only her looks either.lol

Sigh... if she is talking to you and sending you text messages all day and specially before you go to bed, that makes it even harder. You might just have to ask her what the deal is with you two. She will either say you are just friends and she enjoys your company or things might start leaning more your way

I have told her I liked her. She kept up the flirting and texting. And then I told her again that I still have the same feelings for her. After I told her the first time, she just said that we were friends but still wanted to hang out with me. I figure if we still are friends, that leaves the door open in the future too. But if she keeps shooting me down to hang out. What am I supposed to do. Its like she just wants that attention. But I want that attention too. I've been trying to not be the one who is texting first... she'll text me 1st during the week, and then I'll respond. That way I'm not the one always making the first move. She even purchased more texts because we've been texting the past few months. I know she gets calls and texts from past bfs. And yet she tells me about them.

Its not her its you. Be responsible for your own actions as any real man would have left her alone a long time ago, and not play her game of flirt and confused.
So far this has been explained to you, but you still follow the perfume. Friends? Be real, not on your life.

Ok. Here's what I think you need to do. She likes to play games with you. Well let me tell you a secret many girls have told me, they like when we play games too. They don't want you too easy to get. When texting, find an appropriate time to where she is the last one to send the message. What that does is that it will make you mysterious and she will be forced to think about you. You can't do it too much or you will be shady, just do it every so often. Just enjoy the moment, cause its almost like you have a g/f, except for you are saving money by not having to buy her stuff and dinners.

Ok. heres what I think you need to do. she likes to play games with you. Well let me tell you a secret many girls have told me, they like when we play games too. They don't want you too easy to get. when texting, find an appropriate time to where she is the last one to send the message. What that does is that it will make you mysterious and she will be forced to think about you. You can't do it too much or you will be shady, just do it every so often. just enjoy the moment, cause its almost like you have a g/f, except for you are saving money by not having to buy her stuff and dinners.


Yeah, I've tried that. Or maybe try not answering a phone call maybe? Do you think I should call her back that night? Maybe just a little later? I don't mind buying her stuff. If we go out to eat, I'd gladly buy. Like when we went to the bar, I offered to buy her a drink, she declined but then later got one from her ex. I asked her why she didn't want me to get her one, and she just said that she didn't want one at that time. That's acceptable, but it just threw me off I guess. I have money to spend, and I would say I'm doing pretty well for myself for my age. So its not the money issue. Ne other ideas?

She's a tough one! Sounds like more of a friend relationship though. You are making the efforts and she is taking them and not giving anything back in return, but sees nothing wrong with it. It might just take time. Keep doing what you are doing and hopefully she'll come around

she's a tough one! sounds like more of a friend relationship though. You are making the efforts and she is taking them and not giving anything back in return, but sees nothing wrong with it. It might just take time. keep doing what you are doing and hopefully she'll come around

I know, but I'm tired of all these games. I don't like that she only talks to me when her boyfriend is gone. I don't like that she says she wants to hang out and then we never do. I don't like when she is very flirtatious then expects me to just sit back and not take it as some sort of sign. This has been going on for close to 5 months now, and she's just driving me nuts! Lol. I know there are others out there, but I just seem to find good people at the places I work. I don't get out too much, so it's a little harder to find a good person.

Get some of your guy friends at work and go have a night on the town, and don't answer her calls! If you're tired of how she treats you just tell her you are not taking the Bull anymore. Also tell her that you don't want to get between her and her boyfriend (even though you wish he didn't exist), might get her thinking.
I know how you feel about the flirtatious part though. One of my friends who is a female is always wanting to lay on my lap, but when I try to flirt with her she gets mad... lol

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2670548, this has been going on for 3 months so read the whole story.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2670548, this has been going on for 3 months so read the whole story.

I know how you feel about all this talaniman. Just quit posting on what I have to say.

If you won't listen to Tal, listen to me. I was in a similar situation for ten years with a high school buddy. The odds of her coming around are non-existent or very, very, very, very low. In fact, she may come around faster or at least re-evaluate you if you get yourself a girlfriend. Counter-intuitive I know.

A good person? Ha. Good people aren't friendly only when their boyfriend isn't around or between guys. She's keeping herself entertained with you at arm's length while the guy she's physically intimate with is absent. Wait 'til she invites you out one night along with her boyfriend and you get to sit there and watch her be all over him. Just "friends" do that sort of thing.

You said "she's just driving me nuts!", well keep it up, it gets much worse, you might actually start to love her, then you'll learn what misery really is.

You really only have two choices:
A) Force the issue and try to steal her. Probably won't go well, but at least you'd have no regrets, and can move on and stop thinking about her all the time.

B) Continue being her girlfriend.

Ok, I hear you. I know my odds are not in my favor. I know she won't invite out with her boyfriend. I've seen those 2 together before, and I know how they act. Since we've been texting and calling each other, she keeps us both apart from each other. He once even told her to take me to go run errands with her one night when he was out of town. She didn't want to go out of town by herself, so he recommended I go with. She was really surprised by all of this. We wound up going out to eat and then leaving town. We both had a good time. Since then things have changed. I'll admit I feel used when she only talks to me when he's not around. I know I'm like a girlfriend to her. She'll call me when she's in her car by herself. It's just a weird situation.

I totally understand how you feel cause I have been in the same situations where I like a female but she was either with someone or she was totally straight at least from her lifestyle. My advice to her is to just go with the flow and she where it takes you. Trust me I have found that if they want more they will tell you. But for me if I get closer enough to them I let them know eventually that I was attracted to them because girlfriend or best friend what ever they should respect who you are. Because if your real close friends don't know you who will than anybody can say anything about you. I am just all about honesty that is the only way you can make it in any relationship heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual and even Asexual because sometimes the hardest part is being able to accept yourself and behonest with yourself. So don't worry if this person means a lot to you tell her how you feel but not expecting anything.