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Sit down one day whenther about 8 or 9 and talk to them.

I was always told, not that they had "other" parents, but that they were adopted, that they were special and that they were picked. As they grow they will then always know that they were are adopted, by teaching them that they are special and picked.

This is the one thing, adopted children have one set of real parents, the parents who raise them. Those are the parents, the others are not parents they are the couple who gave birth to them.

How old are they?

Circumstances?

Generally, I think younger is better... young kids can handle a lot... they don't have misconceptions or stigmas early on. They might not completely understand, but I think younger is better...

But again... what the story?

Always knowing that you are adopted is better than just springing it on them, at ANY age.

That being said--adopted children have TWO sets of "real" parents. (Yes, I'm going to constantly fight you on this, Chuck). The first set, that loved the child enough to give them to someone who could better take care of them, and the second set, who raise the child well, with love.

Deciding that one set is better than another is saying that biological parents are "less" because they didn't raise their kids---and you wonder why teenage parents keep their kids more and more? Who wants to be "less", especially with a choice that hard, and a gift that precious?

[F]I really believe in my heart that no matter what everyone should know if they are adopted or not. I was born in an era when you just didn't get pregnant and not be married. My mother had gone to a unwed mothers home. This was back in 1948, the shame must have been unbearable. She had already signed papers giving me up. She was 17 years old, the family was poor and my grand mother decided that this was best . My mother, however, decided to keep me. I really think she was young and needed so badly to have someone love her, she kept me. I grew up remembering bits and pieces of my young life. She married a man she didn't love to get away from the south, her way of life and more than likely my grand mother. I found out later about these things. She, to this day, has never told me the truth about my biological father. I had a baby with a boy I loved with my soul when I was 17 (runs in the family, huh?) The thought of giving my child up was out of the question. A couple of years later, I got pregnant again, while out looking for a man to help me raise my older daughter(my mother's words, not mine). I loved that baby enough to make sure she had a good life and gave her up. I have never regretted that decision, but of course have thought about her every day. I did indeed tell my older daughter who her father was and answered every question she had, no matter how painful they were. It was something I was never given, the TRUTH.
lONG STORY-- sorry, but the bottom line is absolutely tell a child that you chose them, the biological mother loved them enough to give them the best life possible.

Sorry... changed my mind