My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half, when we met he was unhappily married, and even though we both knew how wrong it was to be together we really feel in love.I feel in love for the first time of my life. But the past six months we seem to have way more bad times than good. Our reltionship is extremely complicated because after four months he decided to leave his wife. But 6 months later I found out that he was still sleeping with her the whole time, then we got back together and I found out he slept with her again. When we were confronted by her, he told her he didn't love her and he wanted to be with me.He hasn't lived with her in nine months. But its really hard because I am really scared that he is going to do that to me again. They are very close they work together at a family business haven't even talked about filing for divorce, and she moved out of their house and in with his mother. They have two kids to and he goes over to visit a couple times a week. I have a really hard time not getting jealous about her or scared he is going to do what he has done to me before , but he tells me this time is different and if I really think he is going to still sleep with her again I shouldn't be with him. At the same time He is extremely controlling and jealous but he has basically become the only person I have in my life. He made me quit my job because when we were broken up because he cheated on me I went on a date with a guy I worked with, He is also very manipulative he has a way of always flipping things around to be my fault. He said I cheated on him when we were broken up because I found out he was still sleeping with his wife When we fight he is awful to me he has spit in my face, poored beer over my head, recently he even got physical with me. But every bad thing he does he later on laughs it off and says its always because of bad things I have done to him. My whole family hates him and its really hard because I love him and he has become pretty much my whole life. He swares at me all the time and belittles me terribly. I know I am in a bad relationship. Im pretty sure a lot of his outrages is due to him being bipolar. I just don't know what to do. Our bad times are so bad but when its good its amazing. Everyone tells me to leave him but I really love him and hope for things to get better. I guess I just wanted to see if anyone has ever been in a situation like this... I really love him but sometimes I feel like I need to let him go. What should I do to fix this relationship??

Once a cheater always a cheater

Listen to what you have said about the bad things he has done to you, are these acts of love? No matter how he justifies these acts you have to realize that they are abusive, and make it quite clear that this man does not care about you. It also doesn't matter how good he is afterwards, this is part of the cycle of abuse, I guarantee you that each time he does something cruel to you and then returns to make peace that the next act of cruelty will be worse. Yes he may genuinely feel bad about what he has done to you, but if there are no consequences for his actions because he makes you feel as if it is your fault, then there is no reason for him to stop treating you this way.

I can't stress enough that you need to leave this man NOW. Things will only get worse, I can't say much for his infidelity but I promise you the abuse will not stop.

You can't fix this man, only he can change himself, but you can't count on that happening, you said he got physical with you this man could kill you someday. How will he make that up to you? Will he bring flowers to your funeral?

Let him go, heal yourself. Think of your safety.

I know a little bit of your feelings... I am in the "tip of the iceberg" of your situation. In the last few days, I've made the decision to say goodbye to someone I thought I could love because he and his wife have decided to "give it another go for the children." When we first began our relationship, the divorce papers were in the works and there was no possibility for a reconciliation. He believed it, as did I. But, over Christmas, he spent the morning with his kids and their mom... his daughter said that her best present was having him home. He and I talked, as did he and his soon-to-be-ex-wife, and they decided to try one last time.

All this to say, he is still married. And although nothing has changed on my end, the situation has drastically changed for him. Granted, we never had sex, it was just never the time for us... but we did believe that we could be in love. (yes, I believe two people can fall in love without having sex. It is part of a relationship, but not everything. Sex complicates things... and I'm thankful we hadn't taken that step yet)

Bottom line... they have a marriage. You and your man are not married... he and his wife are. As much as you love him, you have to respect that. Its HARD!! I know. But, you have to respect their marriage.

And that's not even touching the fact about the abuse... Honey, he's not worth it. Please, for your sanity and safety... Back up, back off, and move on.

He needs a dose of anger management, like in the movie with Adam Sandler. Spitting at you and pouring beer on you?? No, no.