Multiple threads merged

Ok, never done this before but here it goes. Me and my g/f broke up 3 days ago. We had been dating for about 2 1/2 years and I know she loves me. Oh, and we are both 25. She said she had "never really been single." Also that she had "no desire at all to be with anyone else in any way." And lastly that "she loved me and hoped we would work out in the future." What is that? I mean, why would you want to string somebody along like that? I have seen this coming for about the last month or so because I have been nothing but perfect for her and she has been really distant. And, I know that this was going to have to happen if there was ever a chance for her to realize anything. She has started a new job about 5 months ago and has this new big group of friends. SHe says that she just wants to feel like she can go do something and not have to worry about calling me or making me mad or whatever. Every time I want to talk about the situationg or ask her about why she was acting so distant, she just got frustrated with. Funny thing is... heres the kicker, about a year ago I felt the same way she does now and broke up with her for about a month. It took that for me to realize how much I really needed her. It amazing, how much we mirror each other. Before she was the one doing all those nice things and stuff and I was getting frustrated with her. But, with all that said, I know she does love me. Maybe I'm just being optimistic I don't know. Also, there is this guy, who she works with, who recently just split up with his wife. She hung out with him a lot, along with the rest of the group. And when we broke up she told me she knew she was being unfair to me and that she knew she couldn't do those certain things without me there if we were dating. But, she swore that she wasn't breaking up with me for that guy and she messed up never letting me meet him. Its just a mess right now, I'm not real sure what to do. I have this feeling, that it will work out between us. I truly think it will. I just don't know if I'm suppose to call her in a week, or a month, or not call at all. If or when I do I know I'm not going to pour my heart out or anything, she knows how I feel, but do I just act tough, like I'm fine without her? Because she did tell me to call or email her. It just doesn't make a lot of sense and I'll explain more as the responses come in. Thanks.

why would you ever go out of your way to call or contact somebody after they break up with you. You said it yourself she's stringing you along. I Went through all of this two months ago. She got a new job, met new people through friends, acted distant. I could too tell it was coming, but I was ignorant and did nothing about it. At a certain point you have to realize what you deserve and not only value but stand up for yourself. Maybe once she sees you can live without her she'll realize what she's missing. But by then you'll be long gone if you know what's good for yourself because you deserve better.

Haven't even read the post yet... will do in a little bit. However, by the title of it... read the two stickies in the relationship forum.

Remember. "i need space", "i need time", "I want to be single for a little bit", "i hope we work out later", "let's still be friends" yadda... yadda... are... all... bs.

It's the typical female response for "we're breaking up. i don't want to hurt you. sorry"

Might as well be the new "i can't go out...i need to wash my hair"

It is my belief that if you are confused about her, or have a sick feeling in your stomach about where your relationship is, then she is not right for you romantically and for the long term. So she said, '"she loved me and hoped we would work out in the future."'? To me, that means NC - No Contact. See the 'stickies' at the beginning of this topic, "Relationships".

I know what you are saying. I really do. Its just incredibly hard to see this stuff when you are actually in the situation. And, I know you know that. I honest to God, know she loves me. I did this same thing to her. I'm not saying that this is any kind of revenge. However, when I called her after I broke up with her because I realized all that stuff about needing her, she didn't seem like cared. It was then, that I thought I had really messed up and it hit me like a sack of bricks. I don't know if I'm hoping that will happen to her... I know I'm hoping that will happen with her, but is it just me hoping because I really think she will come around. Just because I know her in and out I guess. Like I said, this was going to have to happen for us to be right because she was frustrated and I was being pathetic. Which is totally unlike me, I'm one of those who never needs anybody and I'll be fine, just let me do my own thing blah blah blah. You know, didn't ever want to talk about marriage, but as soon as soon as I start acting like a boyfriend this crap starts to happen. So, no contact at all nomatter what or in a couple weeks send her something that says... I don't know "I saw this movie and it made me think to ask how you were doing." OR... If she contacts me how do I act, if when she does, I still want to be with her.

I think you're setting yourself up to get crushed if things don't go 100% right. All this hoping is not healthy. You And trust us we know what it feels like. But just try to picture your position onto somebody else, it helps you to realize how wrong it is to treat yourself like this.

Don't be strung along my friend its hard I know and you don't want to let go. But think of it this way. You'll never get on with your life. If you hang onto hers.

She isn't worth it. Let her have her fun and you have yours


:)

Join the I got dumped group. Most females at that age grow, and wonder, and most times when they say they want to be single its over. That simple. Every guy who comes here says the same thing, they want her back. I tell them the exact thing I'm telling you now. Do not contact her at all, for any reason, and move on with you life. I also have links to the stickies, on this forum, (saves a lot of typing) in my signature, read them and tell us if it fits your situation.

Hi MLB33
Look she has made her choice and she has been thinking about it for a while , we don't just wake up one morning and think "I don't want to be with this person anymore" You don't leave somebody you still Love and still want to be with , would you. It sucks I know but hey welcome to the world of broken hearts , not easy but as you read through the various posts on here you will realise you are not alone.

Give her space and go no contact , that way she will know you are not just hanging on like a little puppy. If she rings don't answer , show her you are strong even though you want to speak to her. Don't let her dictate when and where contact is established , that will just make it easier for her and harder for you.
By going NC she may just miss you and if its meant to be she will come running back. If not then you will keep your dignity and be able to start healing a lot faster.

She left me hanging is a good title for your post MLB33... Its funny how that's exactly how we feel. Like were left hanging in mid-air not knowing what's up or down.

Listen hon, I'm about to hit the 6th month mark here and I have made lots of progress. Mainly due to the good people on this forum and because of No Contact...

It would be nice to have a crystal ball sometimes.. At least we'd know what the hell to do. But we don't and N/C is about the only thing we do have. 1. Of course to give them the so called space they need 2. Sanity.. As hard as n/c is I think the yo-yo ing of contact and hearing things about their new lives is very hard on our sanity 3. N/C does help us heal, very slowly but it does help. 4. Dignity, He has his new life although I hear it's a screwed up mess.. LOL I at least have my dignity and the comfort in knowing he has to wonder what's going on in my life. I may be dating, I may be living with someone. Must drive him crazy... I for one hope it does... hehehe

You should consider dating other people. If the two of you are really in love and have that one in a million special connection then there should be no problem with you meeting and dating other girls. It could even be fun for you and you could learn some new things about yourself. Of course, you don't have to enter a serious relationship or have sex with the other women or even commit to them, as long as you are honest and up front with them. (Don't tell them that you are just filling your time while you're waiting for your ex-gf to get her head on straight, though).

Its just hard to get past. Like yesterday, I saw her in a parking lot walking out of her car and she kind of slowed down and waived and I just turned my head back around and kept driving. What was I suppose to do? I want to run over and hug her you know? But the NC thing is best I think. That way if it does work I'll know it was for the right reasons not because I talked her into it. But there is a part of me that just wants to call her and say OK "is it over over or what?" But I'm sure she will say she can't tell me that for sure. This is ridiculous. I've never been like this before I'm always the one that has better stuff to do then worry. SUcks from this side. Should I cAll and say that or, mabye after a couple weeks or what

You sure are asking a lot of questions. You wrote: "Should I cAll and say that or, mabye after a couple weeks or what?" NC is something you do, not just think about, or use to punish her, or use to get her back. As I read some of these posts about what the dumper is doing to you and others, and consider how I got dumped, I just ask: Why on earth would you want to go back for more of that? Try to quit blaming yourself and thinking about the things you could have done, etc. etc. That is a never-ending cycle of depression. Now, if I can only quit talking to myself...

I know Im asking a lot Im just hurting. BUT, I do know from reading these posts that NC is the best way to go because it is a win win situation. Maybe right now it sure as hell doesn't seem like it but I know that it is. I responded in another post that (yeah I know, another question sorry) can it be true that a girl can really still love you and just need time to figure out whatever she needs to. Whether its stay broken up or realize she needs that person. Or... is that not possible. From reading these you probably know that I said I broke up with her about a year ago because I was feeling smothered. But I did still love her, I know I did, but I always thought she would be there nomatter what. When I found out how mad she was it scared me to death

About a month ago I asked the same question across like 6 different websites, because I wanted to believe to. Do you really even want someone who needs to "realize" they love you. And if she feels smothered that's one thing, but its out of nowhere when things are fine she's like we need a break. Chances are she's thought about it for a while. I don't think love is something you can one day figure out and realize oh wow I love this person. When you have it you'll know it and if you don't, chacnes are it just won't show up. Treat yourself right, and statrt moving on.

Yeah I know what you mean, but I saw it coming. Its like she starting losing interest or something I don't know. RED FLAG I know. But she just had this new group of friends and I guess since we were always together she felt obligated to be with me, even if she wanted to be out with them sometimes. Or felt guilty for not being with me. I'm not trying to justify what she did Im just saying it wasn't out of nowhere.

If its not completely obvious, this is the only place I talk about this so I'm sorry to everybody if it seems a little over the top. I've always been one of those guys that keeps everything in and shows nothing but anyway... I've been on NC for 4 days now. Lets just say my ex does call or show up at my door. What then? B/c of now, I do want her back but I totally understand we have to take it ridiculously slow yada yada. Just trying to ask an honest question. I mean, I know not to say "Oh God, I love you so much I knew you would come back," but really, what do I say or how do I act if I do want to work it out? B/c I don't want to act hard and like a big rock. But at the same time I don't want to pour my heart out either. Good grief, Im beating this into the ground... How do I show her I still love her without over doing it? There haha. Thanks

For some reason, I feel a connection between the two of us.. In a non-gay way of course. We both are wishing like hell our ex's come back into our lives. I have been no contact for now my 5th day and it's burning! And it seems no matter what time of day I turn on the TV that damn Garth Brooks song "More than a memory" is on. Her friend did come up and talk to me, and keep in mind, I played it completely cool. Making sure to tell her that I completed my first jealous course and going into my second one. Then asked well what about Brianna(my ex) and I said, I'm giving up on that one, she said she didn't want to be with me again. So I'm giving her the space she wanted and that I wish her well and that she is happy. (being very polite) and her friend's response "You never know, the future could be different" I'm like you do know, you're her best friend ha ha... But as for advice if she does call, don't immediately pick up the phone, makes you seem available. Wait a bit and call her back and just say "you were busy" and if she shows up at your door wanting to talk.. Let her talk and agree with what she says. Don't seem like you are all heartbroken over her, say "It sucks we had to break up to realize everything and that you wish things were different but can't change the past"

How do I show her I still love her without over doing it? There haha. Thanks

Just listen and pay attention. Don't commit to anything, and if she doesn't commit, its over, and you can be friends later, much later. Then you go about your business, and get refocused on you. Guys that just break up, ask this what if question a lot. The feelings are still fresh, and intense, and you HOPE this happens, and it gets you to wondering. I understand, but warn you to stay focused.

I am trying. Believe me, I won't call or pick up first ring if she calls or anything along those lines. I do however, don't want her to think I don't love her anymore you know? B/c then she might think that I had moved on and just lose hope. Hell I don't know. I know I sound retarded but I hope you know what I mean.

If you sound retarded then I'm right with you. I have been playing scenarios inside my head of things I would say or do if she calls.. Hell I write them down. I say don't pick up the first time she calls simply because you can take a minute and reflect and think about what to say to your ex. Because well, we are both guys. Since when do we ever say the right thing out of impulse.. thats right never... So lets sit back and think about it before we pick up that phone. She won't think you moved on if you miss one call. Don't wait a week to call back though ha ha

If you don't say the first thing that comes to your mind, then she isn't worth getting back together with her. You shouldn't have to overthink about what you would say in a surprising situation. I thought a lot the way you did while I was still dating this girl... overthinking is the most quick way to pushing someone away... when a relationship flows, naurally, you don't think about every word you say, that's when its something real.

No because he doesn't want to come off as needy or desperate so you chose your words wisely. You don't want her to call him and say hey, how are you and he goes "I love you baby, take me back" lol.. that would defeat the purpose. I have acted on impulse far to many times and it only leads to a fight.

That's it Rome. I don't want to just tell her how much I miss her and love her even though Im thinking it. I want her to really realize that she messed up and could lose me. And she could I don't know how Im going to feel down the road. But, as of right now I do want to be with her and I do realize that a lot of things need to be worked out. I don't want to sound desperate but I don't want to sound impossible either. There's got to be some kind of fine line between those two things. I guess if she really wants me back she will tell me all that stuff. I know when I broke up with her about a year ago, because I wanted to be with my friends and felt like I had to "report" to her, I called her back and she didn't answer the first couple times. When I finally did get to talk to her I was the one telling her how much I needed her. This is ridiculous to be like this over a girl. Its not like my life has stopped or anything but I think about her all the time!

Yea I know how you feel... You constantly search for any glimpse of hope. I actually did very well this weekend, it's my first weekend of N/C and I didn't have the urge to text her. Her friends say she is really starting to miss me, and all I said was oh, well I hope everything works out for her... So I'm trying to be strong, but it gets hard, nights are the worst, but now girls are starting to come around again so I'm pre-occupied and now it's my ex who is stalking my myspace and my comments and friends.. So I don't know, one thing for sure is I'm sticking to this N/C plan.

Don't worry about something that may never happen. Your not worried about what to do if she does call, your hoping like hell she does and that's why your asking this questions. It is consuming your mind. Try and find something else to think about. Its hard but asking hypothetical questions isn't going to get you feeling better.

Yeah you're right skell. I just have a feeling she is going to call. I don't know when and I may be totally wrong. I just want to know what to say when she does. And Rome, it was my first weekend of NC too. Our situations are a little different though. My ex g/f has had b/fs ever since she was prob 15 (we are 25 and dated for almost 3 yrs). So here needing space and your ex needing space are a little diff I guess. And, we have different friends so I never here from her friends of what she's doing. It must be a little comforting knowing she's thinking about you.

I posted on here recently. Just to update you, been dating a girl for almost 3 yrs but she broke up with me a week ago because she has this whole new group of friends and now she needs space but she loves me. Yeah yeah anyway, just curious about this. I always here that guys are suppose to stay a challenge. I understand the idea behind all of this but I just wondered, after almost 3 years is it not OK for each other to just know that you have the other? I mean, not to come off needy but it seems like it's a big game to stay a challenge. I hope you know what I maen because its hard to explain this.

This woiuld most likely be better put in a response ( like an asnwer) to your other thread, I was going to join it to it, but you have seveal threads out there and I am not sure where to put this one.

If you read this thread alone, without any knowledge of another post, it does not make a lot of sense.

I just want to know what to say when she does.

If you don't know what to do then your not ready to answer. It will only make it worse for you and any progress you have made will be lost. If she wants space then why would she call you?

All this time your worried about what to say IF she calls is keeping her and false hope alive in your mind. That hurts your healing. The part you need to understand is, this is YOU doing it to yourself. If you have healed properly you will know what to say, if indeed she does call. More than a few here have gotten that call, and dealt with it, because they had healed enough to think better, and make decisions for themselves.

Yea it is a little comforting, all her friends tell me is that she is just out hanging out with the girls. Not out meeting other guys, which may be true, it may not. But in the long run, I'm doing good with NC and healing now and if she calls or talks to me I'll handle it accordingly to how I feel. And if she does ask for another try, then I will sit and think about it to see how things will be. I don't want the same relationship, I want a fresh start and to work out the problems we had before, not sweeping under the rug. Granted the problems we had were usually stemming from my jealousy but who knows...

Ok, dated her for almost 3 yrs and she gave me the whole she needs space thing. Which I might add seems pretty common on here. Anyway, there was no closure at all. I know that sounds stupid because obviously the space thing I mentioned is just an excuse. Just hear me out on this one. Oh yeah, its day 8 of NC. Its killing me!! I was just wondering if there was any reason to call her and just straight out ask if its over over. Know what I mean? Its really not an excuse to call her believe me. Im having a hard time thinking I can go on, hanging on to a hope she might see she messed up. Would it be easier if I just heard she was dating another guy or something hell I don't know. I don't want it to be over, I don't want to hear her say its over but I think I need to. What do you think?

If she hasn't called you in 8 days, then yes. It's over over. It's true... she might see that she messed up... regardless, whatever you do won't help her see that. She has to see it on her own time, on her own agenda. Currently, I'm stuck in the same situation. 3 years, no closure. Out of the blue. There are rumors she's with someone else... but not confirmed. No clue what's going on.

Simply move on. I say simply... but that's a HUGE understatement. I'm on 4 weeks of NC. I've just learned to accept it.

Trying to move on is difficult, especially with no closure, but her not contacting you for 8 days may be closure enough to you.

She might contact you later on, but don't expect it. Find some buddies you haven't hung out with in a while, go join a gym, find a new hobby, learn something new. Take your mind off her. Best of luck.

Hey sneeze, I have been at a gym for a long time and I do OK ocupying my own time. She lives in the same humpin apt complex as me. And she met this new coworker but they "were just friends." Whatever, to save some space, my gut tells me she's prob hangin out with him a lot. Who freakin knows, maybe just to ease the pain of us not being together. I think she prob hurts too. Not as much as me but I think she does some. I know its what I would do if I were in her situation. I don't know if you read my other post but I broke up with her about a year and a half ago for the whole space thing. And sure enough, that's really what I needed. Of course I thought about her but one day I just couldn't stop thinking about her and the next and the next so I finally called her. It wasn't easy getting back together but I realized she was it for me and now this crap happens. I almost puke, when I think about what she could be doing with him (like a rebound think or something I dnot know) or anybody else for that matter. I know its prob over over but in a few months if I haven't heard from her I think I'm going to call and just be like what the hell. Or maybe I won't even care then I don't know. Funny how your heart literally hurts huh

Yep. When it happened to me I thought... THAT'S WHERE THE WORD HEARTBREAK COMES FROM.

I'm in the same boat as you. New guy... they're "just friends" I try not to think about it too much. It still bothers me of course, but I'm learning to deal with it.

Doing the same thing you are. I'm at the gym. I'm chilling with friends. I'm reading a book. I'm writing a book. All that good stuff.

I haven't thought about what I might do in a few months. Right now, I'm just trying to get through this week. One week at a time.

I start school this week, which means I will probably run into her this week. Should be interesting. As I said, I'm on week 4... and it's true. It does get better. I still think about her daily (nostalgic), but the "pain" is less and less... and the thoughts are less intense and shorter and less frequent. Hang in there.

MLB I am going through the same as you... On day 9 of N/C right now, and I still have the urge to text or call her... I also imagine the things she could be doing but I'm reminded of a quote my friends band put into a song. "What you do on your own time is just fine, my imaginations much worse." We as the dumpee will always assume the worst because our head thinks that's what we need to hear in order to move on(or so I've read) when in truth she may not be doing a thing.

Well... I can tell you that in my last "break/breakup" with my current ex... the story in my head was MUCH better than what was actually going on. I literally made myself sick thinking he was dating others... etc... etc...

Well... at least in my case... He wasn't. I won't say that he was MISERABLE... but he was missing me enough to come back to me and try again after a period.

I don't know if that's always the case... but I think the story in your mind is always better than what's really going on. It's not worth making yourself nuts over... (believe me... I know.)

So I'm suffering again... but I don't play those pictures in my head nearly as much... What's the point? It's probably not even real... and I don't have control over anything other than myself anyway.

Stay strong... what's meant to be will be... no matter what. (This is helping me too... )

Exactly... I do other things to make my mind think about better things. She could be off with some guy, she could be off crying over me. I don't feel like playing that game in my head. I feel better not knowing anything, if she comes back fine.. If she doesn't I got plenty of love to give to the next person :-)

But are you not curious? I mean, I know this sounds really stupid and God knows I'm going to catch hell over saying this but... I don't want her to call back and me be like "oh yeah, we can try again but I did this and this and this over the month we we broken up." I know she did it but I hope you know what I mean. Its like I need to hear her say we are through for good.

It will only set you back to day 1... And I don't want to go back to that. As far as I'm concerned, she ended it and it was her choice... It's over unless she makes the attempt.. I'm not going through rejection again

MLB, you need to start searching for another girl PRONTO! Use Myspace, use craigslist, use Yahoo personals, go out to a bar, laundramat, etc. Time for a date! She's making you wonder, is she? Time to make her wonder. She knows you're sitting around feeling miserable and waiting for her. THAT HELPS HER! Do you really want to help her get over you easily?

I wouldn't. Get out there soldier!

By the way, I was with a girl for 2 years. She dumped me, moved on with someone else for a week or two. It's called a rebound. I also moved on, and just as I was about to date someone else (she had no idea), she called me.

We're back together! So it happens.

I am in a similar position as we didn't officially say the words "We're through" this time and I guess I am still considered the dumper... (If you read my post, you'll see what I'm saying.)

I think, at least for me, it's better this way. I still wonder what he's thinking and if he feels like we're really done... (I don't think so... but I could be wrong.) If I were you, I would just go about my business and do what's best for you right now. That's what I'm trying to do.

If they have the realization that they are idiots and can't live without us... Great. We'll deal with it then.

Until then... gotta keep living somehow. I am hopeful that he does come back and I am strong enough to say No. I hope. I'm not there yet now though!!

Calling to get closure is an excuse to call and speak to her my man.

You have this idea that you NEED closure and so it convinces you that you MUST call for your own sanity or healing process. In reality you want to speak to her and hopefully she will respond with I miss you and want to see you or something like.

Your in a good position right now, although that may sound crazy to you at this point. You have no clue what she is up to, maybe she misses you, maybe she is with another guy? Chances are she is not ready to take you backand so calling her would be a huge disaster, yo will gain no information other than what she wants you to hear. If we have deduced that she is not ready to take you back than you can eliminate that response and that leaves us with only negative responses. IF she lets on about a b/f you will be kicking yourself for ever finding that out when the option to leave it alone was present.

I called my ex about a month after the break-up and she had alllll the power. I called to clear stuff up but deep down wanted to find out what state of mind she was in regarding her feeling for me. She acted like a complete dork, telling me how great she has been doing and this and that. Her voice gave it away but the lesson is that they too would like to be missed and if you call you take that role and they sit back and soak it up. DON'T be foolish, learn from others and stay away from the phone and her at this point.

Wonderful idea about imagination causing more problems than reality. My imagination had my ex-girl sleeping with all kinds of guys and this and that. The beauty of NC is thatyou will never know these things, to me that is better than anything right now:)

Then what do I do considering my ex still owes me $240! I will probably just write it off as a lesson learned lol

And yes BMI.. Ignorance is bliss... cliche but still works

Eura, you said that she needs to know I'm out with another girl maybe. Shortly following that you said that you and your ex were back together and it happened right before you were going to go out with someone new. However, you then said, that she had no idea you were going out... so, a little confused. You said she needed to know but then said your ex at the time had no idea.

Rome and bmi, I know you know what this is like. And yeah bmi your right and I knew why I wanted to call. I really do want her to say she misses me and yada yada but I also really would like for closure. When me and her broke up before (I did it for this same reason) she told me when we got back together that she didn't do anything with anybody because she knew if me and her would ever have another chance this would stop it from happening. I know you can't wait forever, but is there ever a reason to wait at all?? I mean, she may genuinly need some time who knows. Maybe I'm just a fool who know. Obviously not me

MLB,

Even though she may know that dating someone may kill your chances of getting back together, she may still doit or at least play that card. Sometimes you do what you want y'know, despite the advice given, I have been there too, evryone on here told me not to do what I was going to do and I did it anyway.

Whatever you decide to do I will understand and try my best to help out, but right now I got to try to talk you out of doing anything.

Yeah, I know I can do anything I want and it be OK you know? BUT, I don't want to do anything with anybody right now. Just not ready to, its been 9 days since we broke up and 9 days of NC. I really have a weird feeling she will come around. Maybe because when I broke up with her it took a month and a half but then I did realize everything. This is not to say she is going to but anyway back to the subject. I know that anything I do will be a rebound. I DO NOT want to jeopardize anything because of some rebound deal.

MLb that is very smart, I'm taking the same approach. I have met a great girl, and we really connect and text all day. She's a sweetheart, but I also know I'm not ready for a commitment yet, I still have very very strong feelings for my ex and know that if she came back, I would more than likely want to work things out with her. Until I get to that point I don't want to jump into a relationship

Yeah this blows, I just want to freakin know if she misses me. I know she misses me, I know she does and she is the kind of person that would tell me I think. I had a lot of pride, always have had a lot of pride, so has she, but it has never stopped us before from fixing an argument or something like that. So I don't think it's a pride issue. I just wonder if she is with this other guy. Wondering sucks. I mean I want to know, but I know that its in my best interest to just not know because that would absolutely be the last nail in the coffin you know? I wish time would move faster. Just so I would know what was going to happen with her.

Yea, or in my case I could go back and not start the stupid argument and realize hey, I need help with this jealousy issue before it was too late. But I can't change time, but time can change me. Which I am doing

Just got to breathe... that's what I keep telling myself.

It is awful... but nothing awful lasts forever.

WE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH NO MATTER WHAT!

This is why I like talking to you two. Anything I say just gets blasted if its not that I hate her and blah blah. Anyway, thanks. I do want her back. I guess the NC thing is the absolute best way, not to win her back, but to see if she really does love me and miss me. I don't know anything else to do. Is that truly the best thing. I don't mean best for healing but best to see hwo she really feels? Any kind of contact is out of the question at this point right? Not for me (YES I know this is for me for all of you out there) but just what I said above

Sometimes the best "closure" is being strong within yourself and who you are and realizing that others can't take that away.
I wouldn't bother contacting her because she evidently made up the 'need space' excuse to let you down easy and she may have had this 'friend' waiting and doesn't want you to know until it is too obvious to deny. So where is closure with someone who isn't honest within the closure. Closure is just an excuse for prolonging the inevitable and can be a bigger heartache in the long run cause it is like self abuse.

Yea, sadly it is the best course of action. I mean how about getting woken up at 3 this morning with a friend saying "I have good news and bad news" so me thinking it's not about my ex says "ok what is it?" and she says "Brianna(my ex) last kiss was you, but she also says she doesn't want to date you again on the survey" I just didn't even reply to the text. People like that make me very angry, it's like thanks. I was moving on, but thanks for pushing me 10 steps back

Yeah, and see its so easy because I don't know you and your ex. So its easy for me to say just don't worry about it. But you cant! That is pretty dumb though and she might have sent it to get a response from you who knows. Just don't send anything back.

Yea, because me and her agreed when we broke up to still stay on each others friends list so we could be "mature" so I was like OK whatever... I don't look at her myspace or her bulletins strictly for that reason. I'm not going to give her the upperhand in responding to something as childish as a survey that I know she put up strictly to try and get a rise out of me. It won't work, I mean she used to put bulletins up about her last text that made her smile "no comment" and crap like that, that's why I stopped reading them. It would only make me want to text her and find out if she missed me

Sometimes I just want to call and be like "what the hell is going on here." "Is this it, I'm fine with it if it is the end, but I just want to know for sure so I can fully move on." Is that so bad to do?

Yea, just take it as she has ended it completely. This way you can start to move on and if she comes back then deal with the problems then. But don't open yourself back up, its hard but we can get through this.

What about valentines day.. I might make this a post. Its coming up in less than a month. And no Im not getting her anything haha. But what about a text or something. Would it have more of an impact if I didn't send anything? Im sure somewhere in her mind she will be thinking about me. Even if its wondering if I'm going to send anything or not.

Nope nope nope.

No sending anything. No texting. No calling. NOTHING!

Don't do this to create an "impact" on her... because if it doesn't have an impact, you'll be sorely disappointed. Do this so that you can feel better and move on with your life.

MLB... I thought about sending flowers without any sender information just to make her wonder.. who they are from.. but I think I'm going to go against that idea.. It will be hard, but we can do it buddy

Yeah. What will happen if you do send things/call them/text them?

1. she will respond. She'll say, THANKS, YOU TOO. Or something like that. You will think something's up... but really, you just kind of destroyed the NC thing.

2. she'll respond. She'll say STOP CALLING. You'll be crushed.

3. she won't respond. You'll be sad.

Im almost positive I would get the "thanks you too" response. She's a sweet girl. And Im not on here to bash her by any means. Sometimes it just doesn't work. But its just so weird because when we moved, she made all new friends at her work and all my friends are in the other town (everybody I work with is older haha). Anyway, so this is what led me to being too clingy. I was insecure about our relationship because of hwo she was acting so different so therefore I was needy. However, she was like this in the beginning of the relationship and like I said I broke up with her for it yada yada. I know that she knows how I feel. By doing the whole NC thing I just don't want to give her the "forget about us, I hate you vibe" so she might think we can't get back together even if she wanted. But I guess if she wanted to be with me she would make that effort to be.

Sorry got off the topic, but if I'm going for the getting her back make her miss me thing. I swear it sounds so retarded but I know she loves me. Maybe its just at a different level then I wish I have no idea but I know she does. So, do you think not sending anything for v day would imapct her in any way? I kind of think it would make her think... "why didnt I get anything from him has he forgot about me." And then, maybe I'm wrong...

Exactly, make her do some work. We have made our stance known before, we didn't end it so our love is still very much alive for her.

Yeah that's true. There's really no reason for me to think that she doesn't know but I just want to make sure she does know without contacting her... haha if you can figure that one out let me know...

You need to stay strong. As much as it hurts you have to remain in No Contact. From your previous posts it seems that she was pretty clear in what was going on. She asked for space now you have to give it to her. I know you would like some closure but in reality you already know the truth. The relationship is over and it's something you have to accept.

This doesn't mean that there isn't a possibility of things working out in the future, but as of now your relationship with this person is over and you need to move on. In a month or so she may call you back, it's happened before to different people, in fact it has already happened in your relationship. However, quit killing yourself and accept reality... you are not longer with this person.

I'm in a similar situation to you (aren't we all). My girlfriend broke-up with me a few days before Christmas and we haven't talked since then. Yet something keeps telling me that things will someday work out between us. Deep down I feel that we will get back together (sound familiar). Unfortunately, these are just feelings and they will not turn into anything more then that. Life simply doesn't work the way it does in the movies. As much as we would like it, our exes don't appear at our door sad and admitting that they made a mistake. There is no big reunion with a wonderful happy ending.

I don't want to crush all your hopes because no one knows what the future holds. She just may come back and the relationship will work. But for now accept the situation as it is: the relationship is over--no contact or closure is necessary--and move on with your life. These are the cards you have been dealt, sure they suck but play with them as best you can. And remember as hard as it is, stay positive because life is always dealing us a new set of cards and they may be some really good ones.

Ha ha... yea, hmm... I don't forsee that happening anytime soon but when I do I will be sure to let you know.. Maybe a billboard? But we might want to be a little bit more suttle

Ok so I've figured out that NC is for working on healing yourself. You and only you. Its all about my feelings not about getting them back yes I KNOW. But, what if I want her back? I totally understand your point about making her miss me, but is a suttle text so bad? Honestly, I'm not being smart here just trying to figure this out. Im telling you I get the NC thing so no need to explain that, BUT if I truly want her back shouldn't I just go for it and try to talk or something. ITs been NC for 9 days by the way.

No amount of contact will bring your ex-girlfriend back. In fact it will only push her further away and reinforce her decision. One thing you need to learn is that if someone truly wants to be with you then that person will make the effort. Unfortunately sometimes the only way for someone to find out if they want to be with you is for that individual to spend time away from you--in essence they are getting the gift of missing you.

As a I mentioned in your previous post your ex-girlfriend clearly said she wanted space, now respect that and give it to her. Do you want to know what will happen if you contact her or try to get her something for Valentines Day... well let me enlighten you.

A while back I had a girlfriend who told me she wanted space in early January. If figured it was just a break for now and that she just needed space. I decided that I would give her space by backing off but at the same time I would stay in touch so she would know I hadn't given up on our relationship. So I chose to contact her once a week (through e-mail or in person) because like I said I didn't want her to think I had given up on the relationship. In fact, her birthday was in mid-January and I bought her a small gift. No real harm came and she was friendly and said the gift was sweet. Wow, I really thought that things were going to work out. Soon enough though she stopped answering my e-mails and every time I tried talking to her she would be very cold towards me and do her best to avoid conversation.

This made me extremely sad and I thought of ways to try and fix it. Lo and behold Valentines Day was upon us and I was thinking if I didn't do something she would think I no longer had feelings for her. So I went out and bought her some beautiful flowers with a nice vase, a small teddy bear, a box of chocolates, and had it all sent to her home. She e-mailed me that same day telling me the flowers were beautiful but that I shouldn't have done that. I thought things would be okay because in the e-mail it seemed like she sincerely like the flowers. But then when I finally saw her in person she was angry and seriously meant that I shouldn't have given her a gift. I backed off for a bit, then tried talking to her again, but no luck I only made her angrier and she hated me even more.

With due time I eventually realized that the relationship had been over the moment she uttered the words that she needed "space and time." Me contacting her only made things worse. Please realize that if there is any chance of things working out between you two in the future then you just need to be strong and not contact her. She needs to miss you if she is ever to come back. There is an old saying with several different variations but the underlying meaning is the same: If you truly love someone then set her free, if she comes back then it was meant to be.

Thanks confused, I know that NC is probably the best advice. Hell, when I broke up with her she called a few times then backed off completely. I had my fun, did nothing stupid with rebounds or anythign along those lines just hung out with my buddies. One day, about a month and a half later, I could not stop thinking about her. I tried and I questioned myself and all that good stuff so I called and long story short we were back together. From the day we broke up, I haven't had any contact with her at all. 9 days now. She lives in the same freaking apt complex as me (on the other side). Its ridiculously hard but Im finally using my stubborn nature for something haha. Im not going to sit here and tell you how amazing our relationship was because we did have our ups and downs but we also loved each other. So I thought anyway. This breakup may be different because in the back of my mind I knew something had to happen or we were going to drive each other insane. So its for the best whichever way works out and I know that. Its just hard. Never been on this side before.

It's all a learning experience, a painful one, but a learning experience nonetheless. Just take it one day at a time and keep yourself as busy as possible. Live your life and eventually since you both live in the same complex you will no doubt run into her. When that happens just stay relaxed ask her how she's doing, chat for a minute, then let her know that you have to get going but that it was really nice to see her.

I hope that she comes back to you and that the relationship is stronger because of this break. But remember, life doesn't work as it does in the movies, so don't sit around waiting around for something that may not happen. In the end that no one knows what the future holds, it's all a mystery, but that's what makes life so exciting.

You know what you should do? Buy like a pint of ice cream and get the movie SHREK and just... pig out! Yeah.

I'm... so kidding by that.

I don't know about you guys, but I've lived in this city for the past... 8 years now and I just realized... I haven't been to any of the "tourist" attractions here. So... I made a plan. Once a month, I will visit a tourist attraction... whether it be by myself or with a few friends, I'm doing it.

Also, once a month, I will do something cultural. Go to a museum, an art gallery, whatever.

Once a month, I will go out to a bar. Granted, I'm in college and I should be getting pissed drunk every other night, but I have a relatively rough class load this semester and I really need to study... almost every waking hour (the hours I'm not on this forum).

Just like that, I covered 3 out of 4 weekends a month. The fourth weekend will be up for grabs.

Oh, and I'm still hitting the gym every day.

Yeah I'm doing the same thing. Visiting new locations, such as restaurants and tourist attractions. It'll be a good way to spend the time, but what's even better is that by the end I'll know all the best places to take a girl to when I finally decide to start dating again. You just can't lose.

Yeah I'm doing the same thing. Visiting new locations, such as restaurants and tourist attractions. It'll be a good way to spend the time, but what's even better is that by the end I'll know all the best places to take a girl to when I finally decide to start dating again. You just can't lose.

That's a great way to look at it, I might start doing that too, going to places where I live. But you when someone says they need space... usually NC is the only way to go. I know from experience as well that contacting them makes things worse.
Ever heard the saying set them free, if they come back it was meant to be? Well live and enjoy your life, if it was meant to be it will be, if not your still enjoying your life.

Funny how your heart literally hurts huh

That IS funny isn't it? I think everyone who has ever been brave enough to put their heart out there has felt this pain. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. That being said, KNOW this. It will NOT go on forever. You WILL get over this if in deed this is the end. Maybe after a suitable amount of time, you could contact her just as a , "thinking of you and wanted to say hello" kind of thing. Are you okay with just having her in your life as a friend? Or, would that hurt too much. When is her birthday? Keep that date in mind and call her or send a card. Believe me, she will be touched.

MLB, hasn't been back since the 28th of Jan. so we have no updates .