I'm thinking of emailing my ex boyfriend to see if we could try our relationship one more time. My friends are mostly telling me to forget him, but I can't without knowing if there's still a chance for us.
If I don't ask il never know, what should I do?
Im scared

I have a few questions...

1. How old are the both of you?
2. How long were you together?
3. How long have you guys been broken up?
4. What was the reason for the break up?

1. I'm 19, he's 20
2.we were together 16 months
3.we've been apart for nearly 3 months
4.he said he couldn't commit and he's not good enough for me

Well. Need more info.

How long were you two together before? Was it good? Why'd you guys break up? How'd you guys break up? How long have you two been broken up? Is there someone else in the picture for either of you?

Damn. A little late.

Hope you know the whole "i can't commit" and "i'm not good enough for you" is the male version of "i need more time" and "i have to wash my hair"

I don't think I would so much e-mail him to ask for another chance, does he ever make any contact with you? You don't want to come off as desperate and I fear that's how he would take it if you e-mailed him asking for another chance. And to go along with ISneezeFunny.. I can't commit sometimes also means... I can't commit to you

Rome and ISneeze are right. If the right person comes along, no matter who you are you will be ready to commit if that opportunity comes along. If you HAVE to ask so it clears you're head, maybe you shouldn't email him JUST to ask him that. Im sure you could figure out a way to just talk to him and gradually find this out.

You can ask. But don't expect anything. By asking, you could put yourself back to day 1 of the breakup if he doesn't say what you want to hear...

In fact, he could even tell you that he's with someone else. Are you ready to hear that?

That is true, even though 3 months has passed, getting something you didn't want to hear could put you back into day one. Besides if he is wondering the same thing I'm sure he would approach you about it. It really depends on who did the breaking up. If he broke up with you DO NOT ask him that. If that's the case it was his decision to end it, so don't waste anymore of your time on him. Live life for yourself.

Quit jumping from guy to guy, and back again.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2257022

Get yourself together, and enjoy being single, and happy for a change. You don't need a man for that, but you do need to love yourself, more than you do and see what your doing to yourself.

Damn. Tal's the new sheriff in town.

He has a point though... Sometimes you need that one person to give that tough love. It opens your eyes and you think... Wow... I should follow that advice... And what was I thinking

Your friends are right. And so are all the people that posted before me. When a guy says "I can't commit" or "I'm not ready for a relationship" just add 'with you' at the end, and you'll get the real meaning.
You really should move on. If he said that he wasn't good enough for you, inyour head you should've said "you're right" and moved on, just like he did. Don't give him the time of day. Don't email him on his birthday, just let it go and find someone that actually deserves you.

I say do what you feel is right. If you feel you want to be with him now and you can't move on.. If he is willing to try again try again. If it all goes wrong at least you will know and then it will be easier to move on ?x

He told you he couldn't commit and wasn't good enough. So why after 3 months do you think he magically can commit? Have you noticed that he has worked on himself, fixed any major issues, and has become a changed man? Save yourself some dignity and get on with your life. Stay away from men for a while. You need to love yourself... just because you're single doesn't mean you're unloveable or are any less of a human being. So go enjoy some "me" time. Good luck.

im thinking of emailing my ex boyfriend to see if we could try our relationship one more time. My friends are mostly telling me to forget him, but i can't without knowing if theres still a chance for us.
if i dont ask il never know, wat should i do?
Im scared
I know how you feel, really I do but I would not do it. If he says yes are you sure you really want him, be very very sure, or do you want to try to get over him and find someone who is better for you? But if he says no you are further back then before you emailed him and have to start a healing process all over. Let him come to you. I didn't and pursued my ex. It didn't work and he ended up saying I convinced him to be with me. That hurt even more then when we broke up

It's so difficult.
But if I go ahead with it, I'm fully prepared to be rejected.
It would just be good to get out my feelings and leave it at that I think.
I have got good things going on in my life at the mo.
Ive been short listed for miss hertfordshire 2008
I have a new job working with kids
But the problem is, I need affection, I think most people do.
I understand you all telling me to enjoy being single but I've never enjoyed being single

That's your problem right there Sparkle... While you say you want your ex, at this point in time you would take anyone, just to kill the lonliness. Believe when I say, I know how you feel. I was with my ex 2 and half years and now that she's gone.. It's like a part of you in gone. But before you can be back into a healthy relationship you must first be happy being by yourself. Are you going to miss that special someone by your side. Of course but you will be content with it.

Oh its not that, I miss him. I went out with a guy recently but dumped him because he wasn't right for me, so its not the fact that I don't want to to be lonely.

But the problem is, I need affection, I think most people do.
I understand you all telling me to enjoy being single but I've never enjoyed being single
You don't need the kind of affection your getting do you?? It has lead you to a lot of confusion, and jumping from man to man. Is that what you want? You don't need affection, you want it, we all do. First you must love yourself enough to be a lot more choosy where you get it from, and how you get it. If you don't you will be used, and left behind.

it's so difficult.
But if i go ahead with it, im fully prepared to be rejected.
It would just be good to get out my feelings and leave it at that i think.
I have got good things going on in my life at the mo.
Ive been short listed for miss hertfordshire 2008
I have a new job working with kids
But the problem is, i need affection, i think most people do.
I understand u all telling me to enjoy being single but ive never enjoyed being single

I know how you feel. You want someone to hold you, kiss you, lay next to at night. It makes you feel good. But know that in time you will have those things in due time. In the meantime, enjoy hogging a bed to yourself, go out to dinner with your friends, be good to you, pamper yourself, be your own boyfriend so to speak. Have fun with it. Maybe single won't sound like such a bad thing.

Of course he isn't right for you. You can't be missing one person and date another. It just doesn't work. I tried but I realized I need to heal and be comfortable with myself before I can start a relationship. If you have hope of getting back with your ex in anyway, I'd say leave him alone for awhile. Let him miss you without you constantly reminding him that you're still there. No guy wants to be bugged by an ex, we have to miss you. Guys make choices out of impulse, we rarely think things through. Then we regret them after awhile and try to fix them.. If he wants to fix it, he will come to you

I told him how I feel and like I expected he just wants to be friends.
Im upset obviously but now I know there's no chance for us to get back with each other I feel more ready to move on and find someone new and better who deserves me. I don't want to be in a relationship which is going nowhere where I don't get unconditional love.
If I'm totally honest, I've been single for nearly 2 months now and I'm starting to get used to it. I have more time for myself and my friends.
I don't miss being squashed up on a single bed with my ex!!
I feel ready for change now.
Id love to find someone special but I'm not going to go out and look for him, he can find me for once!
This is guna sound a little silly but, most of my friends are in relationships and quite a few of them are engaged. In a way I feel a bit left out, why am I the single one? It makes me think there's something wrong with me because I couldn't keep hold of a man!!
Im 19 and I should have found someone by now, I'm quite scared il be a spinster! My mum predicted that I would be and she's right about most things!

19!! Wow.. If there's something wrong with you, I'm definitely a lot worse.. 21 and I'm single.. I'm loving it, not having anyone to answer too, yeah the nights are long and I miss my ex, but it all goes away eventually and that's what I keep telling myself.

I just imagined myself being at least engaged by the time I was 20, I'm 20 in August so there's very little chance of it happening. But I'm not guna date any losers just to find a potential husband!

Why get engaged so early? You only live once, these are the best years of our lives, don't waste them worrying about what age you're going to get engaged and married. It will happen I promise

I'm very doubtful at the moment, but it may happen. I don't seem to have much trouble attrating men, but the ones interested generally want sex straight away whereas I prefer to wait a good few months. They can't handle that and run away from me!! :(

Then they aren't good men... Sex is nothing to base a relationship on.. Very rarely do one night stands last into marriages

I respect my body a huge amount, which I don't think is a bad thing, but a lot of men I meet don't. But at least I never sleep with random losers!!

Is it hard?It is but I'm passing trough the same thing and I think that you should really focus on the fact that the couple is divided.Sure you could try and tape the relationship but it would never be one piece,it would just be two pieces taped together.If the fault was his,next time will be worst,and plus he will treat you like some girl that will forgive anything and do more and more bad s.If he refuses,you'll make a loser out of yourself,if he accepts you will still be a loser only you will not know.Anyway,just don't do anything stupid like forgive anything,I've done it so I don't recommend it to anyone.Trust me,angels live in heaven and heaven is far far away girl,definitely not on this world,don't get fooled by "I'm sorry,I was wrong,I won't do it again...".IF LOVE ENDS,MAYBE IT ISN'T LOVE AT ALL,YOU JUST MADE A MISTAKE!"

Well watever it is, it's over now. Im guna move on. Ive wasted too many of my tears on him

That is better.I don't know if the next will be better but good luck with the next one!

Itl take a bit of time for the pain of the split to go away, but I know itl get better. I told my ex how I felt and I thought itd put back to day one of the break up, but it hasn't. I feel stronger and ready to go out and show the rest of the world what I'm made of. I won't lie and say I'm over him, because I'm not but I will be in time... I hope :)

I just got an email from him!! I'm so angry now. Hes listed why he broke up with me. It's stupid things like going to bed at different times and not talking to his friends enough, the friends that didn't bother talking to me. And loads of stupid tiny things that couldve been sorted if hed said something. I hate him

Don't even feed into him... Don't reply to the e-mail. He obviously sees that you're getting stronger, so he wants to break you back down. It's a sick game, they think they have control and once they start to lose it, they immediately panic to do anything to gain it back.. Ex.. Emails or of course... Stalking

I don't know if it's a good idea for me to delete his phone number and email so I'm not tempted to call him. I always text him when I'm drunk

Definitely delete then... When I get drunk I used to have that urge too. So I deleted her number from my phone address book, and her e-mail as well. Plus drinking with friends helps you not want to text because they punch you

Yeah my best friend definitely would. I feel so sad now I've read the email, I was feeling positive today but now I'm right back to the beginning

Next email just delete... You know his games, don't play.. Or E-mail him back and politely tell him.. Please do not email me anymore, thank you

If you still have his phone number and answer to his e-mails,then you are very low right now.A weak mind always does things in a certain manner that allows others to take profit of it.Be strong.Think that you have to rebuilt your life so down with the old in with the new.If you do not put everything behind you will end up at his mercy.You are better than this,you should be proud of yourself because you can live without him or any loser whom thinks that he owns you.Live your life free of tears and crying for dam s.You heard about Tiesto,whale JUST BE!(lovely song,goes to my heart)

It's just difficult to get rid of the old because we had so many plans, we were meant to be living together this year

I know how you feel Miss Sparkle... I had already bought my ex a promise ring and gave it to her on the cruise we took 2 summers ago, and then was going to propose on Spring Break this year :-/... I mean it's no ones fault but my own(and that's the truth) but I still wish that I was given another shot to prove to her I can do better, I just needed to get help with my jealousy

He said that silly things I did broke us up. But there things that I can change given another chance. I can't imagine my life without him and that hurts. People always say there's someone better out there, but what if there isn't, what if that was my only true shot at happiness and I blew it? :(

Yea, I know how you feel. I was insanely jealous and I knew it. But after she broke it off with me and I went to a therapist I found out that I have basically what's called "life changing syndrome" which means it takes an life altering effect to open my eyes. But now I am taking courses to get my jealousy under control. I used to check her myspace all the time but ever since the day before New Years, I haven't even checked it. A small step but big in my eyes. Ignorance is bliss... I just hope she comes back, it's not like she is out with other guys

he said that silly things i did broke us up. But there things that i can change given another chance. I can't imagine my life without him and that hurts. People always say theres someone better out there, but what if there isnt, what if that was my only true shot at happiness and i blew it?! :(

And what if there is a wonderful man, who you will meet when your both ready? Your way to young to worry about the future, so learn to love yourself now and be happy, and you'll attract someone to share it with.

I agree Tal.. But right now it's going to be hard. I mean my break up just happened 2 1/2 weeks ago so it's still a very open wound. But I realize before I can expect someone else to love me, I need to love myself first. I need to do things for myself, not for my ex. This site has shown me so much light and I am thankful I found it, and found support from people like you guys.

I just hope she comes back, it's not like she is out with other guys

Sadly, rome... I feel that this may be the wrong way of thinking about it. The "healthy" way of thinking about it is to say... WHO CARES IF SHE'S OUT WITH OTHER GUYS...

The reason I say that is because you're assuming that she's not (and she may or may not be, I have no idea)... but what if you found out that she was... or will be in the near future? How will that affect you?

The first week or so after my breakup was the same way. I thought NO WAY SHE'S GOING TO BE WITH SOME OTHER GUY... found out... 3 days after we broke up, she was. And that made it a LOT worse. So, just watch out for it.

Keep your head up. Good luck bud.

Well I know she isn't because of the fact her friend told me, she is still depressed over everything and all she does is hang out with her friends. I basically told her friend that I was giving up on her and hope of a reunion and her friend said "you never know" I mean I wish her the best and all the happiness in the world, even if it isn't with me. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. It's helping me by venting on here and doing the whole NC plan.

So you think she is waiting on you to get your act together then?

I'm not sure if that's a rhetorical question lol. I'm not 100% sure she is, but I'm not sure she isn't. I'm not going to wait around for her, if someone comes along and we hit it off then great. If my ex comes back, that's good too. I understand where my ex is coming from, I have told her countless times I would change, and did for 2 weeks then went right back to how I was. So it could be very possible that she wants to wait and see if I mean what I say and actually use actions this time. I was her first love, her first everything. I know I'll always have a place in her heart, just like she will always have one in mine. But if it's meant to be it will happen, if not live and learn

I only attract the losers who want sex and nothing more!

Its simple, if you don't give them what they want, they leave, but be patient, as you grow and change so will the men around you change. 19 is growing pains time. Stay busy with what makes you happy.

Its nuts but I hate the way my ex keeps saying "i know we're not perfect for eachother", it makes me feel like I did something wrong and I'm a failure because I couldn't keep him. I do think he was my one shot at happiness, no other guys can compare to him because he was the one and I blew it

I'm stuck trying to pick up the pieces too... I actually keep hearing a line in a song that says "I'm not the only one for you, but you're the only one for me." It seems so true, because how is it so easy for them to walk away while we stand here falling apart.

That's exactly how it is. It seems so easy for my ex to walk away, but why am I finding it so difficult I don't understand. Im trying to win him back but I think I'm fighting a losing battle and its just guna result in me getting more hurt.
I shared a lot of firsts with him and I don't want to share that kind of stuff with anyone else. Im starting to sound like some kind of stalker arnt I?

No you're sounding a lot like me. While she wasn't my first, I was her first everything and wish I had treated her better... She was my first true love, I had those puppy loves in high school but this one just seemed great. I was too pushy in my demands from her with my jealousy. You guys would call me the biggest A-hole and say there's no way I deserve a chance, if you heard some of the things I did

I feel like I'm kind of stuck in limbo, I know I should hold my head high and move on, but at the same time I don't think I can and in a way I don't want to

Yea, I know how you feel. Like you want to hold on thinking they will realize that you were "the one" but also you want to move on to show them you are strong. I swore to myself I wouldn't cry if I lost her, well I cried the whole ride home listening to music. Then I was like good, its out of my system, I won't cry when I see her to exchange possessions... WRONG! I felt like such a coward...

I keep saying I won't cry over him, but it hurts. I've never felt pain like it, its worse than physical pain.

Yea it is.. I want for her to see so badly that I meant what I said in the fact that I will change and that I can do better. I just needed to get help, and now the help came too late for us. I try to tell myself that it's over and that I need to move on, she has. But then it's like I see her face again and it all comes back... I'm constantly reminded of what I lost.

I hadn't seen him for 3 months then went back for christmas, and all the feelings casme back. I kind of feel like I'm back to day one, crying, thinking about him the whole time. Since the break up the only thing that stopped me thnking of him was when I went on the rebound

Nothing has helped me stopped thinking about her. Everything reminds me of her, and then it happened a week before x-mas... That was a killer, I had the worst x-mas ever. I'm not bragging, but I am an attractive guy. The moment my myspace went to single I had a few past flames IMing and texting me. I just couldn't do it, I had every opportunity and yet she's all I think about. I just wish I could know how she moved on so easily, like give me a hint or something.

Nothing has helped me stopped thinking about her. Everything reminds me of her, and then it happened a week before x-mas...That was a killer, I had the worst x-mas ever. I'm not bragging, but I am an attractive guy. The moment my myspace went to single i had a few past flames IMing and texting me. I just couldn't do it, I had every opportunity and yet she's all I think about. I just wish I could know how she moved on so easily, like give me a hint or something.

I feel you. Mine happened a week before x-mas as well. Actually, it happened the week of finals.

finals week... tanked. Oof. Then on x-mas, all of my friends were gone, my family went out of town and I stayed behind because my ex and I were supposed to go snowboarding.. . suffice it to say, I was home alone on x-mas with a movie and a microwaveable pizza. Things picked up nicely afterwards though. Went out with a buncha friends... girls started calling to hang out... but yeah. I feel you. Just not ready at all.

Like New Years.. I partied harder than I ever have before.. Not to forget her, but just to feel OK. I had the patented New Years kiss with some random girl that was a wedding dress model and I felt nothing! I drank until I eventually passed out just because I'm 21 and never really drank like that before. I know everyone will say drinking isn't the answer, but it was a fun time with friends who kept asking me to do shots with them. All it did was make me wake up feeling lost and alone even more. I hate sleeping anymore because all I do is dream about her. Then I wake up with nothing... How long were you guys together?

Why would you ask for another chance when he is the one that dumped you. If he says he is not ready to commit I assume if he was ready he would let you know.
It's winter and you're probably a bit down. Don't go back to bad news. Look ahead.

Hey there... one thing I have learned is that if a relationship didn't work the first time - chances are it's not going to work a second time either. You two split up for reasons that may not have been yours and even if he gave you a second chance, those reasons would still be in his mind and would probably come up again in the very near future of you two getting back together. Rule of thumb is that you should never date an ex again. Hope that helps!

I disagree with the not dating an ex again. I feel as though if both parties hash out their differences BEFORE they get back together, it could work out. I know a bunch of couples that broke up and got back together and now they are engaged. But COMMUNICATION is key. You can't get back into the relationship and expect things to be the way they were. Issues must be talked about and worked out before anything can be accomplished

He left her. If he wants her back, it's his move to make. She does not need to beg some guy who dumped her to take her back.

I'm not saying to beg at all... No way.. I was just disagreeing with people who say dating an ex again never works... Because it does... My parents broke up all the time when they were dating in high school(HS sweethearts) and now they have been married 25 yrs... and my aunt and uncle 33 yrs.. same thing

Well I consider your parents and your uncle lucky then. I have not seen it work that way - not now-a-days.

I have a few friends it has worked for... It's rare, but can be done if it's handles maturely. The common mistake I see happening is that they end up rushing back into the relationship and don't work on why they broke up to begin with.. Then it's doomed. If you at least have the communication, you have a fighting chance.

I have a few friends it has worked for...It's rare, but can be done if it's handles maturely. The common mistake I see happening is that they end up rushing back into the relationship and don't work on why they broke up to begin with..Then it's doomed. if you at least have the communication, you have a fighting chance.


Good answer . Defo don't rush back into the relationship.. You don't pick up where you left off. You start again, a new relationship! Identify all the issues and take things slow. There is no harm in trying anything. Lifes to short to do what's right all the time..