It drives me crazy! It seems like every time I hang out with her she's cuddling up to some guy. I'm tired of all the boy drama, it seems like we should be past all this imaturity. Example: Well I just broke up with my boyfriend and I had sex with this other guy but I still love my ex, but now I like this other guy... and so on. What do I do? What should I tell her? I'm just not that kind of person. I believe that sex is a really intimate thing that you do with someone that you really love. I'm at the point where I really don't want to talk to her very much. I'm tired of listening to it, but she talks to me because she wants my advice, so if I say that I feel like I'm not being there for her. She knows I don't like what she's doing but I don't think she knows how much it bothers me. I love her and I do like hanging out with her without all the drama but I'm stuck, what do I do?

Sounds like your boy crazy friend is not going to change her ways. Either you'll have to put up with it or (sadly) move on to someone who is not so boy crazy. Does she actually realize how boring she is? Have you two had any fun together lately like going outside and say going to the beach or doing something together just you and her? She's got to realize that your friendship with her means a lot to you but you in turn need some friendship back from her! Sit down and have a heart to heart. Maybe she does not truly realize how boring she is yaking about boys all the time. There is more to this life than sex and boys (at least I hope there is LOL) and you can help each other discover the world around you. Go to a museum, yes a museum and look around and talk about what you see. Do something that both of you will enjoy together as friends (and not just a rock concert either).

Most people I know think sex is just a bit of fun, they go out and get wasted then end up with a complete stranger. I'm with you on sex being an intamate, personal thing you should only share with someone you love.
You both know your opinions but you should tell her seriously how you feel make her understand you care about her and don't like seeing her do this kind of , you said she wants your advice so give it to her, all of it, give an ultimatum, it sounds like your friendship is in jeopardy so you should give it a try

I'm not sure what to do because we're both changing and growing up, but it seems like we're taking different paths. She's really into drinking and partying and sex, while I drink sometimes but I'd really rather take a hike in the mountains or go horseback riding. I have a feeling we're going to keep drifting apart, but I'd like to stay friends.

I think I'd have less of a problem if she was just going around having one night stands than if she went from relationship to relationship. She thinks she knows what love is but she has no idea and she hurts the guys she goes out with by going out with someone else right away. We're young, we shouldn't be having really serious relationships right now, but it bugs me that she does it.

I'll tell her how I feel, no holding back and see how it goes. Thanks for the advice^_^

I told her over texting, which was probably not the best idea, but things went badly. Apparently I'm jealous of her now. I guess this is the end of the road for our friendship, but I'm not sure. I just don't like what she's doing with her life and people tell me that isn't a big deal and it's her life, but her life involves mine so I think it does.

She apparently is going to need more than a sounding board. She is engaging in risky behavior that will if unchecked:
A. give her an std
B. get her a dui
C. give her a series of meaningless relationships
She is travelling a different road than you are, (good for you) and has road hazards ahead

It drives me crazy! It seems like every time I hang out with her she's cuddling up to some guy. I'm tired of all the boy drama, it seems like we should be past all this imaturity. Example: Well I just broke up with my boyfriend and I had sex with this other guy but I still love my ex, but now I like this other guy...and so on. What do I do? What should I tell her? I'm just not that kind of person. I believe that sex is a really intimate thing that you do with someone that you really love. I'm at the point where I really don't want to talk to her very much. I'm tired of listening to it, but she talks to me because she wants my advice, so if I say that I feel like I'm not being there for her. She knows I don't like what she's doing but I don't think she knows how much it bothers me. I love her and I do like hanging out with her without all the drama but I'm stuck, what do I do?
SAVE YOURSELF! I am 28 now and I had a friend like that. She was a total energy vampire! I was friends with her for 11 yrs then one night her, then, boyfriend's friend raped me and I wanted to tell her but I knew she would take her man's side and say I was a slut. Needless to say we are no longer friends.
I can recall she was telling me once about some guy, "oh but I love him." Me- "stay with him." Her- "but I hate how he treats me." Me-"then leave him" Her- "but I love him." Me-
"then stay with him."
DUDE I am serious that went on for about 1 min! That is a LONG time to go back and forth.
Finally she said I wasn't being a good friend and she wanted help. I told her "look. I ALWAYS give you advice and you do the opposite. So what the hell is the point? You will do what you want and to hell with everyone else."
She was so pissed she hung up then called back a little while later and said she was sorry for getting mad.
Like I said save yourself. She wants attention. Just tell her what she wants to hear and do your own thing be your own person!
Life is an ocean and your friends should float like you. If they sink, CUT the rope around your neck.
THEY WILL TAKE YOU WITH THEM!!
But that's just my thought

I told her over texting, which was probably not the best idea, but things went badly. Apparently I'm jealous of her now. I guess this is the end of the road for our friendship, but I'm not sure. I just don't like what she's doing with her life and people tell me that isn't a big deal and it's her life, but her life involves mine so I think it does.

You have 2 Separate LIVES. You are NOT 1 PERSON. DON'T get sucked into that drama. I tried for YEARS to advise my friend of 11yrs back in high school. Just think about that for a second... 11... YEARS!! We went our separate ways and I have a WONDERFUL husband (that she wanted-i think) and she is off somewhere sleeping with some guy that she lives with. That's what she does. When one relationship falls apart, she goes to a party and meets a guy, sleeps with HiM, then moves in.
Her step-dad would say she just whores herself out so she didn't have to live with her parents. I think he was right as harsh as it may be.
You both are young. I am old and married (28). I have live a very hard life and TRUST me if she want to go HER way , LET HER. She WANTS to do things the hard way.
It is her lesson to learn. Not yours.
You take care of yourself.
NO ONE else will.

My friend is the same way. Dumps her boyfriend and finds a new one right away. She's told me straight out because it's easier and she likes the attention. I've told her repeatedly to be single to figure out what she wants in a relationship, but she never listens. Thank you for your insight. I'm not going to talk to her right now because I need time to cool off and get my thoughts together, but I might in a while. I know she's not going to change she just won't tell me everything. We've been best friends for years so this is really hard. I'll give this some time

Your friend saying you are just jealous makes me think that she feels her life is something for people to be envious of... NOT ME

I think your original title summed up how I would feel about her as well. Be careful that you don't end up with the same reputation because people might think that birds of a feather flock together...

Just one more piece of advice and then I will leave you to your life.
When someone tells you something bad about themselves... BELIEVE THEM.
They are telling you the TRUTH.
Lynn would always say she wan't being a good friend to me. I would then tell her "oh no, You are fine. You're a good friend." Even though I thought she was right.
So, If that should happen to you, just say "well, then change it." People do not follow the Golden Rule. I have found this out threw out the years. You MUST stand up for yourself.
My life growing up was complicated. I REALLY don't want you to follow a similar road.
28 and just NOW trying to figure my life out? I should have done that in high school.
Life is too short, honey, to be worried about saving someone from themselves.
She clearly doesn't know who she is and what she wants. My mother was like that. I hated her for so long. Now, I pity her.
It must be very hard for her to not like her own reflection. Sad.
Try to put yourself in your friend's shoes. See things from her view.
She is, most likely, insecure and has really low self-esteem.
You can still be friends with her just keep her at a distance. Set ground rules. Do whatever you think you need to do. Just don't get too attached.
I KNOW it's hard. You WILL feel pain but if you feel better not talking to her and listening to her go on and on about all her problems then that is better for you.
Be strong.
You don't have to be an jerk all the time but looking out for your own well being and peace of mind should be first for you.
As far as "bird of a feather" is concerned; you need not worry about that. People who don't know you don't matter. The people that do, do matter and know your not like that.
Hell, I didn't have sex until I was 18! Everybody "friends" made fun of me and said I was prude. NOT the case.
You know. If you Really need to talk to someone I will still be here. I know this time is hard for everyone.
Stupid parents are ALWAYS saying" Oh I know and understand what you are going through." REALLY!! Then why are you on my back all the TIME?!
Sorry. I'm still bitter about my mother.
If there was a personal way to give you my e-mail address I would.
But like I said. She obviously doesn't care about how you feel, so why would you show her compassion?
YOU CAN'T REPECT SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T RESPECT THEMSELVES.
The same can be applied to life, love, happiness, learning and all that stuff
I hope my INSAINE ramblings have helped you.
Be good to yourself.

One more piece of advice then I will let you be. When someone tells you something bad about themselves... Believe them. They are telling you the truth.
My life growing up was complicated. So, I have been there done that. If there was a way to give you me e-mail address without having to post it, I would. Everybody needs someone to talk to at one point or another.
Always remember.
You Can't Respect Someone Who Doesn't Respect Themselves.
The same can be applied to life, love, happiness, learning and all that stuff.
She clearly doesn't know who she is and what she wants. My mother was like that. I hated her for so long. Now, I pity her.
It must be very hard for her to not like her own reflection. Sad.
Try to put yourself in your friend's shoes. See things from her view.
She is, most likely, insecure and has really low self-esteem.
You can still be friends with her just keep her at a distance. Set ground rules. Do whatever you think you need to do. Just don't get too attached.
I KNOW it's hard. You WILL feel pain but if you feel better not talking to her and listening to her go on and on about all her problems then that is better for you.
Be strong.
All the adults say "this is the best time of your life. Enjoy it."
But if they are asked if they would relive their "teen years" most of them say "no way. It was too hard." then they go home and tell their kids it's the best years of their lives.
I hope my INSAINE ramblings have helped you.
Have a good life, honey.
I wish you get all you have dreamed and more.
Be strong.

Sorry about repeating myself. I thought the first one didn't go through.












:-)

Hello rocker:

I've been reading all this.

You know, speaking as an old dude, friends are hard to come by. Even your real friends aren't always going to act like you wish they would. And, I suspect you aren't always going to act like they'd want you to either.

You don't have to be like your friend in order to have her as a friend.

Life lasts a long time and people change. It's good to have friends, who are just your friends.

excon

Show her the error of her ways and say you'll stick by her I she'll change

If you can't tell a friend " I don't wanna hear it" who can you tell?

Listen, if there is one thing I know it's that your friends want your attention. She wants t know that you care for her by telling her she is doing things you do not agree with. She may not take that advise, but knowing you care enough to make the observation and talk to her about it means a lot. Your friend is who she is and will not change because of your talk, but she'll know undoubtly that you love her and that's really all you can do for her. She (as we all do ) has her own problems and personal demons. That is her problem, not yours. Just love her for who she is, or move on.

It drives me crazy! It seems like every time I hang out with her she's cuddling up to some guy. I'm tired of all the boy drama, it seems like we should be past all this imaturity. Example: Well I just broke up with my boyfriend and I had sex with this other guy but I still love my ex, but now I like this other guy...and so on. What do I do? What should I tell her? I'm just not that kind of person. I believe that sex is a really intimate thing that you do with someone that you really love. I'm at the point where I really don't want to talk to her very much. I'm tired of listening to it, but she talks to me because she wants my advice, so if I say that I feel like I'm not being there for her. She knows I don't like what she's doing but I don't think she knows how much it bothers me. I love her and I do like hanging out with her without all the drama but I'm stuck, what do I do?
I would talk to her about it and how it is bothering you. [in the nicest way tho] don't do it over text, you need to talk to her on the phone or in person so you guys don't mix up things and end up in a fight. This is what I always do whenever something is bothering me with my friends, and it always seems to help.

All you can do is live your life as an example. I have had friends pull that same line on me and it couldn't be further from the truth. I think it gives them comfort or validate or justify themselves with false hope to think that one up. Usually in your early 20's friends do drift out of our lives because they prefer a different lifestyle. Some people have to learn the hard way.
There really isn't much point in hanging on.
If you talk to her have it like a where do you see yourself in 10-20 years from now.

I knew a girl, in Longmont as a matter of fact. She couldn't keep her hands off any guy she decided she wanted. Married or not. Her life at that time was one continuous drama.
She went through, and made a lot of h__l for some people. If you like the drama, stay near, if not, steer clear.

I had a close friend like that and at first refused to see it in her. We would go out after work and she would always hook with some guy in the first five minutes. I finally figured it out that she needed me to be with her, since she really did not want to walk into the club alone. I'd go home and later she would come back to the apt - she lived across the hall from me - with the flavor of the night in tow. Still figured it was her life and her business. But I did tell her that being associated with her, when she did that, was not comfortable for me. We could do anything else; go out to eat, go shopping, go swimming, a dozen other things. But we were not clubbing.

You can be assertive without being aggressive.

I had to figure out a lot about how I felt before it was resolved. I pretty much did what you did, I said, I love you, but if you're going to hang out with me it'll be with me.

HEY there Rockerchick... I saw this post before and almost responded because I have also had a friend like this, we became friends in third grade. We went to elementary, junior high and high school together before I moved. By the time she was thirteen she was having sex, smoking and getting high. I wasn't. Not that I was a saint, I just didn't start as soon as her. (I still hung out with her but not always with her crowd.) She got a bad reputation in tenth grade. Every weekend she and a couple of my other friends would hook up with a different guy. WE would be at a party and they would be figuring out which guy they liked or whatever. I liked the guys too, I just didn't want to hang all over them and then get used by them. They didn't care.. they used to make fun of me to the other guys and call me names behind my back and stuff.. they didn't want to be seen as a prude like me. I really didn't let it bother me too much, I mean feelings were hurt but not enough to follow in their footsteps. I stayed friends with her through the years... through LOTS AND LOTS OF DRAMA WITH GUYS... MARRIED GUYS... YOUNGER GUYS.. DRUG ADDICTS.. ALCOHOLICS... you get the picture.. SHe has a daughter who is almost thirteen and she is quickly following in her mothers footsteps. It scares me to death, and she doesn't skip a beat about it.
HOnestly, if I wouldn't have moved far away from her when I was sixteen, I probably would not have been able to stay her friend.

I have been with the same guy since I was nineteen. I am thirty five. I have had her come visit, I went to her wedding in Vegas, (She is now divorced) and still cheats on whoever she is with. She doesn't have very high standards of morality to say the least. I have never done half the things she has done. Whenever she comes I feel awkward, uncomfortable and like she wants my husband too. She thinks I was stupid for having two kids and didn't really relate or agree to me being a housewife. Well, she lacked respect for me too. In one way, I have never agreed with or understood her wild lifestyle, but I always continued to be friends and help her out. I would listen to he sexual trysts with people and problems with others.. I would try to give the best advice I could.. but on the other hand.. I have just realized recently that I am a little jealous of her free spirited ways.. I never thought I was until I found out she started her own adult store and promotions company. She is living the life now... With all the losers she has encountered, she has now used her sexual knowledge and history to make herself money and market it. WOW.. I guess I wish I didn't have so many inhibitions.. I wish I could be a little more adventurous and explore my sexual side differently. BUT I can't. I am such a modest person. I hate to be naked around people or to feel exposed or used.. She is exposing herself and creating a network to promote sex and partying.. At first I thought it was kind of ridiculous and crude.. but deep down I am really in awe of her fierceness, her carefree attitude about everything and not giving a SH!T what other people think.

I know this was a long example to give you but the reason I shared it is because I sensed a distinct similarity between you and me. You seem to be very down to earth, sensible, smart and very beautiful.. but you have a humbleness about you. YOu don't give yourself to every guy you meet and you have strong feelings about your friend just giving herself away to every guy. It not only frustrates you but you cannot understand why she would act that way. You may be very different people and maybe you can stay friends as long as she doesn't behave that way in front of you but believe me, how she behaves will always have an affect on you. Even if you aren't there. You have an awareness of self respect and maybe she doesn't. Either way, it will bother you when you hear about the things she does or says to you. YOu have to either accept her with all of your differences or begin to create some distance between you.
I have made a conscious effort to accept my friend for like 27 years... and not only until just very recently.. I realized that I can't do it anymore. NOt only is it because of that but because she is so self absorbed and always focused on everything about her. She hasn't ever really been there for me like I have for her and she was supposed to visit me recently and decided to go to Vegas instead (for "business".. I realized that I have also been used over the years.. for money, plane tickets, or just my time or advice... I think all of those things combined have kind of made me see her as more of a person I have struggled to accept but never really been at peace with.
So, the bottom line is... take a look at the friendship as a whole. THis is one element of her and your relationship. What is she like as a friend? Does the good outweigh the bad? Is she a great person to talk to, trust and help you through tough times? IS she considerate of your feelings and your thoughts? If you answer yes, then try to salvage the friendship and keep it on terms that are more comfortable to you.. which it sounds like you are attempting. IF she is inconsiderate and hurtful in other ways, rethink your decision and if this is worth the time and energy that you are investing.
I feel like I wasted a lot of time and energy and she wasn't even that good of a friend in the first place. I recognize my feelings of inadequacy and envy are a result of my own ego and desire to be more than I am. That isn't her fault, that's mine. I just don't feel good about it anymore. I used to defend her ways, now I am just sick about it..
Good luck with everything.

Thank you shatteredsoul, you made me think a lot about my friendship. I think my friend has more moral values than yours but she needs to learn from her mistakes. She has been here for me in the past and I know she really does care about me, so I hope we can continue to stay friends.

You are very welcome! You seem to be very forgiving of her faults and love her for who she is, she couldn't ask for a better friend than that!! I hope you stay friends as well and I am glad she is good to you.

Be there for your friend, that's great, but don't let her get you hurt, intentionally, or accidentally.

Shatteredsoul, it makes me happy to know that I'm good to the people I care about, I worry about that sometimes. I've taken my family for granted and treated them worse than they deserve, but I try not to do that anymore.

Talaniman, thank you I'll be careful. I've been telling her straight out how I feel about things so hopefully it won't get to the point where I blow up and tell her everything I feel at once and overexagerate it.

We just had a major fight over the same thing. We went to a concert with this other guy and I thought it would be OK cause she would sit there and talk about how he was annoying her by being to clingy, but I guess it didn't really bug her that much. I blew up because I was tired of being ignored and she ended up screaming f you in my face and storming off. Really I'm done. I've tried to be a good friend by giving her advice about things when she asks but she never takes it and I'm tired of listening to her whine about the outcomes.

It really sucks cause we had all this stuff planned for prom and graduation and now I'm screwed cause she sits there and tells everyone how horrible I am while I keep it to myself.

OH gosh, I know what u mean rockerchick!! I treated my family so bad when I was younger, well my mom and my sister. I have spent years trying to make up for it. The only person that really needs to forgive me now is myself. I think I have. You can't go back and change what you have done, but you make an effort everyday to treat the ones you love with compassion and kindness. I think you do. So, you should be proud of yourself for learning that lesson young in life, some people never learn it..

As for your friend, some people are just selfish. I think your friendship means more to you than it does her. Don't feel bad about that. Just recognize that not everyone deserves to be your friend. ITs too bad that it happened right before prom and graduation but then again, maybe that was meant to be. If she ruined the concert by ignoring you with some guy she barely likes, maybe she would ruin those things too! Just try to put all of that out of your mind , focus on yourself. This is your time, you never get all of this back! So many people I know skipped out on graduation and prom, or dropped out and they regret it to this day. So, instead of worrying about it, be glad and thankful that she is out of your life right now. This way you can enjoy yourself. Surround yourself around people who treat you the way you treat them. YOu don't have to stop loving her or caring about her as a friend, you just have to let her go in order to move on with your life. Maybe down the road, she will grow up a bit and learn, maybe not. You can't worry about that. You are an amazing, intelligent and beautiful girl. You have your life ahead of you and this is a special time in your life. Don't let anyone bring you down! I hope you have an incredible prom night and Congratulations on Graduating!!
OHH and all this high school mickey mouse bullsh!t, doesn't even matter after high school!
Keep in touch and don't keep it to yourself, let it out on here, we are all ready and willing to listen! Xoxo
P.S. for all the people she talks to about you, don't let it phase you, she's just making u famous hahaha! Let it roll off your back and you look like the better person..

She showed her true self, and I know it stings a bit when you are a true friend, and find out she is a selfish..! You may not see it now, but your future plans, have changed for the better.

You know, just leave her. I'm having the same trouble with a slut of a best friend.She thinks every 1 likes her but she's so wrong God don't even like her!!

!!