I recently went back to court to reevaluate the child support that I pay for my daughter. I haven't signed any paperwork yet because I know I need to meet with a lawyer before I do. The thing is that I can't afford what they set my monthly payments at. I have a wife and two kids that I also have to take care of. With the amount of money that they set my new child support at, it leaves me with $150 after I pay my what I call the bills needed to survive. By that I mean rent, car, insurance, electricity, and phone bills. With $150 dollars left over how I am suppose to afford diapers, formula, and clothes for my other kids. My wife has a job, but only gets enough to barely cover child care down here. What do I do?:(

Did you fill out an expense sheet... you don't need a lawyer for that.

Where do you live?

I live in Oklahoma

Is the court aware that you're married and have 2 other children? The 2 other children should be taken into consideration when setting the amount of child support. If your state's guidelines were properly applied when the amount was set then you have little recourse. Simply saying "I can't afford it" won't cut it. If they weren't then you can petition the court for a modification based on the fact that you have other dependents.

I guess you need to work out a better budget, work a second job, have your wife work part time.

Child support is based on a formula, now in our states, your current family, number of kids are not counted, it is merely a percentage of your pay, and your ability to pay for anything after that is not the courts problem.

So basically you have to afford it, no way out of it, if the court has the amount set by its current standards

Sad to say this happens many times - new families take as much as the former families. But no excuse. My youngest brother held down one full time jobo plus one part time plus freelanced, in order to make all the ends meet. They ate tuna fish a lot and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and it was tough. But he and his second wife (and family) lived through it all with sacrifice and frugalness.

I recently went back to court to reevaluate the child support that I pay for my daughter. I haven't signed any paperwork yet because I know I need to meet with a lawyer before I do. The thing is that I can't afford what they set my monthly payments at. I have a wife and two kids that I also have to take care of. With the amount of money that they set my new child support at, it leaves me with $150 after I pay my what I call the bills needed to survive. By that I mean rent, car, insurance, electricity, and phone bills. With $150 dollars left over how I am suppose to afford diapers, formula, and clothes for my other kids. My wife has a job, but only gets enough to barely cover child care down here. What do I do?:(
It's by statutory guidelines in Oklahoma not by ability to pay - did you fill out the appropriate forms when the hearing was held? If so, there is probably no room to negotiate.

The number of other children you have is not taken into account - in fact, I have seen Judges tells parents that all the children need to eat, not just the children of the second marriage.

I have very mixed emotions on this whole subject - the statutes were enacted in order to curb abuse of the system and uneven child support orders; the same statutes have caused enormous hardships in many cases. My nephew was in a similar situation, couldn't afford to pay what was ordered - the Court suspended his driver's license (in what I can only describe as retaliation) which left him unable to work and unable to pay any support whatsoever. (This was based on 3 months of 75% payments, not a long period of no payments.)

The schools need to start teaching this stuff - child support - instead of 'how to' courses, beginning in the 6th grade and every grade thereafter.

The schools need to start teaching this stuff - child support - instead of 'how to' courses, beginning in the 6th grade and every grade thereafter.


And maybe they should also teach birth control - and legal responsibility for children you bring into this World.

The schools have been teaching birth control for 30 years.

The schools have been teaching birth control for 30 years.


They sure aren't where I live, except in very vague terms - maybe it's up to the parents, anyway -


Of course, I don't know how to force kids to listen.

You are looking at a double edged sword. My husband did that before we got custody and when he started a second part time job they raised his support again. Saying he made more so he could pay more. I don't think it is fair, it should be the cost of all the children then divided between some judges will take this in to account. Our judge did after we went to court when they raised the order. Good luck

You are looking at a double edged sword. My husband did that before we got custody and when he started a second part time job they raised his support again. Saying he made more so he could pay more. I dont think it is fair, it should be the cost of all the children then divided between some judges will take this in to account. Our judge did after we went to court when they raised the order. Good luck


You must be in a State where child support is NOT by statute - if you don't mind answering, what State are you in?

Actually this is fairly common, not that they do it automacticly but most child support is based off a percentage of what the one party makes,

Some states looks at the earnings of the party with custody and then the earnings of the non custodial parent, Others just base it off a pure percentage.

I am now in the state of ill... were it is set that a percentage of his pay no matter if he works 4 jobs entire income is effected. Although I have seen in many states were both has happened. This state as many goes by percentage of net income. I have seen many different standards depends on the judge and what he/she will allow. This state is different I can say that. I am from Florida where things are a lot different. I don't think any child should be left behind because of being first family or second.

Here is a good one. Mother is non custodial parent and court won't make her pay child support because she doesn't work. Lets her new boyfriend pay all bills, how is that fair to anyone. I did my research paper for school and found that more mothers are deadbeats than fathers I was shocked.

afitz: will you share some citations? Thanks

Here is a good one. Mother is non custodial parent and court wont make her pay child support because she doesnt work. Lets her new bf pay all bills, how is that fair to anyone. I did my research paper for school and found that more mothers are deadbeats than fathers I was shocked.


Would you post your sources for this statistic?

I did my research paper for school and found that more mothers are deadbeats than fathers I was shocked.

I too would like to see the source of this, but I would not be surprised if it could be proven. I suspect the issue is on a comparative basis. I would suspect that woman required to pay child support are a small portion of the parents paying support. So that its possible that a smaller number of women being deadbeats would mean a larger percentage of women deadbeats than men. But I strongly doubt, that on a straight numbers stat, there are more women deadbeats than men.

After all, "deadbeats" is a masculine term, so we would have to call the females, "deadbats", I suppose.

Scott, to amplify your point, you are saying that those few women who do not receive custody are the kind of person who would not pay child support either.

Scott, to amplify your point, you are saying that those few women who do not receive custody are the kind of person who would not pay child support either.

Well I was kind of avoiding saying that ;). I would say that generally there are two types of women who would not get custody of their children in a divorce. The first type would be those unfit or incapable of raising a child and those so driven by their careers that they don't want to be mothers. I would imagine the first group would be more prevalent and that group would also be less likely to pay support.

Here is a stastic I got from the Florida law library.
Child Support
Information from multiple sources shows that only 10% of all noncustodial fathers fit the "deadbeat dad" category: 90% of the fathers with joint custody paid the support due. Fathers with visitation rights pay 79.1%; and 44.5% of those with NO visitation rights still financially support their children. (Source: Census Bureau report. Series P-23, No. 173).
Additionally, of those not paying support, 66% are not doing so because they lack the financial resources to pay (Source: GAO report: GAO/HRD-92-39 FS).
The Poverty Studies Institute at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, discovered that 52% of fathers who owe child support earn less per year than the national average.
66% of single mothers work less than full time while only 10% of fathers fall into this category. In addition, almost 47% of non-custodial mothers default on support compared with the 27% of fathers who default. (Source: Garansky and Meyer, DHHS Technical Analysis Paper No. 42).
Total Custodial Mothers: 11,268,000. Total Custodial Fathers 2,907,000 (Source: Current Population Reports, U.S. Bureau of the Census, Series P-20, No. 458).
66% of all support not paid by non-custodial fathers is due to inability to pay. (Source: U.S. General Accounting Office Report, GAO/HRD-92-39FS).
The following is sourced from: Technical Analysis Paper No. 42, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office of Income Security Policy, Authors: Meyer and Garansky.

Custodial mothers who receive a support award: 79.6%
Custodial fathers who receive a support award: 29.9%
Non-custodial mothers who totally default on support: 46.9%
Non-custodial fathers who totally default on support: 26.9%


As well as we were told to our face by child support office. That they will not make the mother get a job therefore won't have to pay child support.

There is also a forgiveness program in the state of Illinois for back child support where you can have the back child support erased, or reduced. Provided you show cause for lack of employment or earnings. Not that hard really to do, they are finding when they helped with the back child support and set new amounts the fathers are not behind anymore.
I have to say this subject is a hard one almost like politics, or religion.

Non-custodial mothers who totally default on support: 46.9%
Non-custodial fathers who totally default on support: 26.9%

That (and your other stats) affirms what I said. Non custodial fathers outnumber non custodial mothers by more than 4-1 (11,268,000 to 2,907,000). So if 46% of mothers default, that's about 1.5 mil moms. But if 26% of dads default, that's more almost 3mil dads.

Here is a stastic I got from the florida law library.
Child Support
Information from multiple sources shows that only 10% of all noncustodial fathers fit the "deadbeat dad" category: 90% of the fathers with joint custody paid the support due. Fathers with visitation rights pay 79.1%; and 44.5% of those with NO visitation rights still financially support their children. (Source: Census Bureau report. Series P-23, No. 173).
Additionally, of those not paying support, 66% are not doing so because they lack the financial resources to pay (Source: GAO report: GAO/HRD-92-39 FS).
The Poverty Studies Institute at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, discovered that 52% of fathers who owe child support earn less per year than the national average.
66% of single mothers work less than full time while only 10% of fathers fall into this category. In addition, almost 47% of non-custodial mothers default on support compared with the 27% of fathers who default. (Source: Garansky and Meyer, DHHS Technical Analysis Paper No. 42).
Total Custodial Mothers: 11,268,000. Total Custodial Fathers 2,907,000 (Source: Current Population Reports, U.S. Bureau of the Census, Series P-20, No. 458).
66% of all support not paid by non-custodial fathers is due to inability to pay. (Source: U.S. General Accounting Office Report, GAO/HRD-92-39FS).
The following is sourced from: Technical Analysis Paper No. 42, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office of Income Security Policy, Authors: Meyer and Garansky.

Custodial mothers who receive a support award: 79.6%
Custodial fathers who receive a support award: 29.9%
Non-custodial mothers who totally default on support: 46.9%
Non-custodial fathers who totally default on support: 26.9%


As well as we were told to our face by child support office. That they will not make the mother get a job therefore wont have to pay child support.

There is also a forgiveness program in the state of illinois for back child support where you can have the back child support erased, or reduced. Provided you show cause for lack of employment or earnings. Not that hard really to do, they are finding when they helped with the back child support and set new amounts the fathers are not behind anymore.
I have to say this subject is a hard one almost like politics, or religion.


Before I start quoting this do you have a citation and year and where this was published because I'm pretty sure I will have to defend myself -

I will definitely go through all my research notes and get that info for you. I wrote this paper about a year and a half ago. All was done in the Florida law library where I no longer live.

Yes I know more mothers have custody of the children than fathers so that does effect the stats. My point is that there is double standards, also I seen where others have said that someone they know works 2 jobs to pay there support. How can any person mother or father be a good parent and spend time with any of the children if all he or she is doing is working. As well as why should the child from the first marriage each prime rib and the second marriage children eat peanut butter sandwich's what is fair about that. There is a lot of variation on this subject depending on the case.

I agree that if you have a child you have a financial responsibility, That being said its not spousal support its child support and it should be 50/50. If the court orders a parent to pay 300 a month than the custodial parent should have to provide 600.00 worth of expenses.

I think that a lot of you don't understand, sometimes things do not work out with the original person you are with and yes someday you want to start over and have a new family, you should not be chastised for this. I think the court system needs to pull the stick out of there butts and not only look out for the children of the previous marriage but look at the current children. The system always says its for the children, but I guess it doesn't mean all the children it just means for the children of the pissed of parents who want to take all the money the other parent has. I feel for your situation and I wish you the best of luck, hopefully the court system will work for you, it does not work for most. And for the women on here, get rid of your bitterness and look at the big picture your not a victim.

I think that alot of you dont understand, somtimes things do not work out with the original person you are with and yes someday you want to start over and have a new family, you should not be chastised for this. I think the court system needs to pull the stick out of there butts and not only look out for the children of the previous marriage but look at the current children. The system always says its for the children, but I guess it doesnt mean all the children it just means for the children of the pissed of parents who want to take all the money the other parent has. I feel for your situation and I wish you the best of luck, hopefully the court system will work for you, it does not work for most. And for the women on here, get rid of your bitterness and look at the big picture your not a victim.

A) This thread is from 2008.
B) While I agree with you in some aspects, you seem to be the bitter one - and I AM a woman. There are deadbeat fathers AND mothers - gender has nothing to do with it.
C) Your post offered absolutely no advice. It's nothing more than an angry rant at the system. On the law boards, our answers must conform to the law. If you have something to add, please feel free. Otherwise, this kind of rambling is out of line.

Closed.