Me and my girlfriend have been together about 4 months. About a month ago I had a strong suspicion she was lying to me about her association with this guy. She uses my laptop all the time to talk with people on myspace and so I installed a keylogger. The keylogger proved to me that she was lying about what was going on, but it alos showed that she wasn't cheating or trying to. It turned out the guy is her ex and was trying to hook back up with her and she was telling him no and that she was in love with me. But this was her story I just no the letter I read proved she wasn't cheating, I have no idea what they had spent the two months prior to that talking about. She had been lying to me about this for a couple of months. I confronted her and got very angry after I found out.I told her we were through. That same night I found out she had been lying to me about something else as well and she attempted suicide. We had a long talk the next day and she agreed to get some help and we stayed together.

Unfortunately now I'm having major trust issues with her. She went for coffee with a male friend, who as far as I knew she only knew from her brother. He ahd brought her back from her families after christmas and she wouldn't kiss me in front of him. As soon as he left she wrapped me up in a big kiss. She ended up calling me and leavign me a message at 4:00am saying he was "kidnapping" her. When I woke up the next morning and discovered she hadn't come home like she said she was going to I went ballistic. I called her like 3 or 4 times in a row and left her several messages. I accused her of cheating on me and she told me that they had gone to visit some friends in Salem I want to believe that but she has lied to me before and still hasn't attempted to seek help. Then she wanted to take off over to another guy's, who keeps saying that she's the one for him, house that she met on myspace and hasn't even met in person yet. We had a long fight followed by a long talk and she reminded me that she had made plans with this guy for New Years and was it okay if she still went. I told her okay. Well last night I found out he was picking her up at 2:00 this morning and that she was going to his place and wouldn't be back until Sunday morning. God typing this it seems so stupid that I'm even asking for advice. We had another big fight and she yelled at me for being jealous and trying to keep her away from her male friends, all of whom seem to have a crush on her.

We settled the fight but I still felt really insecure about her leaving, right when he showed up to pick her up she asked me if I was going to get jealous again and I honestly replied "I don't know". She stormed out without kissing me, or even saying goodbye. Well that set me off again I immediately called her and told her that was ****ed up and asked her several times to come back so we could work this out. She refused and eventually shut off her phone. So my girlfriend ran out in the middle of a fight and went to this guys house. I'm in love with her and don't want to leave her, but I'm also tired of all this **** and I feel like she is abandoning me and refusing to accept that my behavior now is a natural succession to her lying to me. I'm getting all messed up in the head over this and reverting to older bad behaviors, cutting, trying to manipulate her, that I thought I had left behind a long time ago. I stopped myself after recognizong that I was back sliding, but I'm still so stressed I can't sleep. I know that in a way I'm being an *** by not trusting her and acuusing her of cheating on me, but she also did lie to me and these circumstances are ****ed up and convuluted just like her explanations. I really feel like I should just end it with her, but if she's telling the truth than that makes me the worlds most colossal ***.

The lying is the only thing I know for a fact she did. She's been really great otherwise, not counting this last week. If I could manage to ever trust her again I can see this relationship going far. It just feels to me like she isn't making any effort to get me to trust her. All-night escapades with this guy, then arranging to meet another guy who professes that she is the one, then going and staying the night with the first guy. Jesus this sounds like a soap opera plot. I'm not sure where my life went this past week. I'm normally a very calm person who hates fighting and always tries to talk things out. Lately I've been like sucked in to this drama **** with her. Anyway, long post, I apologize, got any advice?

I actually got the idea of coming here after her telling me about this place when we first had problems. Here is a her post.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=15938

I basically had a strong feeling she was lying to me that whole time, I have a fairly well developed intuition. I can usually tell right away if someone is going to be bad from me and I never got anything but good "vibes" about her. Like I said this jealousy is eating me alive and I doubt I'd be feeling it if she had never lied to me before.

You put a program on the computer to check on her, and you are the one who is worried about trust??

Sorry, first she was being true, she was telling her ex no, and you could not just let it drop and love her for that.

Sorry but I am having problems trying to see why she should and could trust you? Are you very controlling?

If you want to make this work both of you go get counseling and both of you work on both of your problems.

I put the program on because I knew she was lying to me, and she was. She had been telling me from day one that this was some guy she had just met and that I was being silly for being jealous. Her correspondence with him persited over the course of a month and a half. Durign that time I confronted her numerous times with her little inconsitincies and gave her plenty of opportunities to tell me the truth. She never did. When I finally confronted her she apologized profusely, tried to kill herself and promised to get help which she never did.

Lately after spending a lot of time together she has started talking to and hanging out with all these guys that profess to like her. She took off in the middle of a fight to go with one of these guys. Anyway, I really don't need advice at this point. I'm through with her. She is going to get a reasonable amount of time to find a new place to live and my contact with her will cease. She hasn't called me once since she left and is ignoring my phone calls. I know for a fact that she spent the night at the house of a guy who liked her. She didn't turn to any of her female friends she ran off with a guy. I'm still stewing in anger, not so much at her, but at myself for ever giving her a second chance. It sucks cause I really love her, but I can't take this anymore. I'm reacting like I used to in high school and I'm a grown man now. My divorce didn't even stress me out this much.

Glad you decided finally, to move on, about time.Even though we find ourselves in love that doesn't mean this love is for us.If it brings out the worst then why bother.If we are honest we will be in love so many times after a while you lose count because it always ends in our hearts being broken,boo hoo,As we mature a little we don't rush so head long and lead with our hearts,we take it slow and really get to know a person.Being already divorced you should already no that a hasty decision seldom turns out good.What ever happened to the days when single guys just dated and made friends and partied and had 50 girlfriends but lived with none.:cool:

Well unfortunately she does live here, and she is coming back some time today. I talked to her on the phone and she soundeed miserable and I think she's going to try to repair this. It isn't going to ****ing happen. I gave her plenty of opportunitys to talk to me and she never showed an iota of compassion for the pain I was going through. Her being sorry about her choices after the fact isn't going to change the fact that those were her choices and she needs to live with them.

Sounds like your mind is set for the big split, just remember to yourself that it is your call not hers.. Yes spliting up does make a lot of pain for both side's but if you have reached the point where there is no trust and constant fall outs then maybe it is time to move on with your life, hell we all learn in life as we move along over the years.

If you do split I have to say that for the first few weeks I'm a big beleaver in the N.C rule on both side's so you can both get your minds straight.. And this also helps you both come to terms with what is going on, if its second chance's down the line our a total write off.

Good luck with what you do.. Always think before you take action.

Unfortunately she lives with me so the no contact rule is out the window. I can't kick her and her kid out on the street. Plus I feel like I need to know what she was thinking. If she really cared that this was happening I think I could more easily move on. If she didn't care then I made a horrible mistake in ever letting her into my life. I'm not sure, I wish I was it would be a lot easier, my heart is calling me to forgive her, my head is all ****ed up on the subject, and my hate is telling me to leave her. **** this is hard I'm obsessing over this and I can't stop. I had to medicate myself (thank god for muscle relaxants and vodka) so I could finally sleep. Even then I only got like 6 hours. I was fine when I woke up for like 20 minutes then I lost it again. This is just ****ing horrible and nasty.

Unfortunately she lives with me so the no contact rule is out the window. I can't kick her and her kid out on the street. Plus I feel like I need to know what she was thinking. If she really cared that this was happening I think I could more easily move on. If she didn't care then I made a horrible mistake in ever letting her into my life. I'm not sure, I wish I was it would be a lot easier, my heart is calling me to forgive her, my head is all ****ed up on the subject, and my hate is telling me to leave her. **** this is hard I'm obsessing over this and I can't stop. I had to medicate myself (thank god for muscle relaxants and vodka) so I could finally sleep. Even then I only got like 6 hours. I was fine when I woke up for like 20 minutes then I lost it again. This is just ****ing horrible and nasty.

I always beleave that we should always go with our hearts, and yes I know a few people will not agree with this... Our minds race and tell us all sorts of things, but our hearts are always lighter and from past exp' I have always followed the heart rule.

Could you go and stop with friends or family for a few days to clear your head or check into a hotel...

PS -- I think your safer to leave the vodka alone until your head is more straight mate

News flash said it best, pills and vodka will not help your state of mind,so relax and sleep those depressants off,then you can take a fresher look at the circumstances around you!:cool:

Your girlfriend from her post seemed as though she wanted to win your trust back. Well there are a few things she needs to learn about winning trust back. Please have her explain the kissing thing. It could be that this guy was the sort that gets grossed out by anyone kissing in front of him. Now maybe he had feelings for her and didn't want to hurt his feelings well you know what I say? I don't give a durn if some other person likes you Ill be durned if anyone denies me my affection just because someone else feels something for them. That isn't your fault. If she was with him and you had feelings for her do you think she would give a sheeps fart about kissing him in front of you? I don't think so. You do not deny crankie her affection for no ho I tell you that right now. Im not saying you got to be all mushy cause I'm sorry I don't want to see tongue an nastiness going on in front of my face. Ugh gross but she could at least give you a sweet little peck on the lips and a hug. Everyone needs a hug. Don't go hanging out with other men at all hours of the day after you have broken trust and Im sorry but you shouldn't be alone all night with a male friend for alll hours when you have a boyfriend. Your girl if she is serious about you wouldn't be doing that stuff. Not saying she can't have guy friends but she needs to not be doing what she's doing. If she really wants to wrk this stuff out she's got to try harder. And I'm going to tell her that you do not hang out alone with a guy that likes you as more than a friend and has persisted in going after you. The reason I say this is because even if you don't do anything god you don't know how vile some people can be but that guy might go off and say you did stuff together even when you didn't. And I want to tell both of you to stop being so durn stupid with the suicide threating each other and cutting. That is not called for and if I hear you do it again I'm going to whup both yalls heads in. that's something my ex husband used to threaten to try to control me and I finallly told him "well let me know when your done cutting your wrist with that razor cause i gotta shave my legs." Both of you need to go seek counseling and have yourselves wrked on and I suggest you go to a relationship counselor. If your woman don't do what needs to be done then Im sorry but you just got to get rid of her. I reallly hope this all makes sense. I have been up since 4 this morning because it thundered out side and my children woke me up and decided it was party time so Im still not awake. IF you have any trouble please let me know. Let me know if there is anything else.

Could you go and stop with friends or family for a few days to clear your head or check into a hotel....

PS -- I think your safer to leave the vodka alone until your head is more straight mate

Nwsflash has a point... but maybe you two could take a "break"? I know breaks from a relationship don't always work (they seem to weigh more on the not working out side), but you said that she sounded miserable when you talked to her. That could mean that she realizes that she screwed up, and she feels like crap because of it. I would say give her another chance.. go with your heart and forgive her... BUT... not right away. You need to let her know that you mean business, and that trust is just about non-existant in your relationship. I do realize that girls have guy friends, more so than girlfriends, but I definitely would NOT go for her spending the night at a guy's house that she just met, and yes, I would be jealous and leary too even if she knew the guy for a long time. If she does truly love you like she stated in her post, then she needs to start caring about your feelings, and also she needs to realize that she has a kid, and that her staying at guy's houses like this is only going to confuse the kid, and that is not fair for the kid whatsoever.

Tell her that you want to take a break to think things over... scare her. Make her know that if she doesn't start thinking before she persues her actions, and she is going to lose you, forever. To me, she needs to learn responsibility a little better.

I am curious, though... how old is she?

P.S. I also agree to stay away from alcohol and pills.. not a good choice :). Seriously, hanging out with friends or close family members is probably the best "medicine".

You probably don't want to hear this, but it doesn't sound like this one's on the up-and-up. I'd end it with her. Don't feel guilty about it, either. It sounds like she's a manipulative and controlling person and you don't want or deserve that. You deserve to be her #1 and right now you aren't. Let her know that that's what you want and expect and will settle for nothing less. Then be true to your word. If you stick to your guns she may end up having a change of heart. If she doesn't, you'll still feel better about yourself and have more self-respect and others will respect you more as well for having convictions and sticking by them.

The alcohol and the pills were simply to knock me out, haven't touched either since. I'm not the type of person who tries to deaden my pain through artificial means.

She came back at around 7:00 last night, we didn't fight which was good. I apologized for my bad behavior and finally got to say my piece. We agreed to go to counseling together and she told me she was unsure about getting back together. Seeing her and having her near I immediately wanted to be back with her. We were talking almost all night and at around 2:00 am we went to the Oregon Coast and got a motel room. We both agreed that sex right now was a bad idea and we kept to that. It was the first time I've easily fallen asleep since Dec 29th. Her son woke us up about 2 hours after we fell asleep and we spent the morning petering around tryign to catch a nap or two. We left the hotel and went and got some lunch. After that we went to an incredible art gallery. They had a whole section devoted to Roman Dirge, Edward Gorey,Gris Grimly, and Tim Burton. I bought some Lenore action figures and Gris Grimley's Wicked Nursery Ryhmes. Then we drove up to the beach and took a nap. The sea was incredible, we've been having flooding so the ocean is about 30ft higher. The waves were running about 20ft and the sun was out. We went to seaside and walked around there went to another gallery and spent a lot of time holding hands kissing and telling each other that we loved each other.

We got home and Josh(her son) refused to go to sleep. I got a little nap and then woke up. I realized that no matter how nice today and who's fault it was that this was the second time our relationship had caused me extreem pain. I went to my ex wife's apartment and told her everything. She (my ex) just kept telling me she was sorry. We talked and then I came home. When I came home I told Maryanna that I couldn't be with her and she needed to move out since I can't be around her without wanting to be with her. She has two weeks to find a new place to live and to get her personal things out. Her furniture can stay here till she finds something permanent. It went over surprisingly well. I still want to go into the counselor with her, not sure if she is going to.

Boy, do you need a vacation!I like the fact that you told her she has to move but counceling with her? Don't know about that though!By yourself makes more sense to me.For a minute it was starting to sound like where ever she leads you follow,and that is a pattern you must break.You are just to available for her and I think you are prolonging the inevitable.That she hasn't made up her mind abouy your relationship and she has a dude friend to turn to?She can say and do anything she wants because she has a safety net and she still has you on a string so where is her motivation to be with you?While you keep talking she's steadily walkin'dude .time to look out for yourself.Like I said you need a long vacation away from her!:cool:

Boy, do you need a vacation!I like the fact that you told her she has to move but counceling with her? Don't know about that tho!By yourself makes more sense to me.For a minute it was starting to sound like where ever she leads you follow,and that is a pattern you must break.You are just to available for her and I think you are prolonging the inevitable.That she hasn't made up her mind abouy your relationship and she has a dude friend to turn to?She can say and do anything she wants because she has a safety net and she still has you on a string so where is her motivation to be with you?While you keep talkin she's steadily walkin'dude .time to look out for yourself.Like I said you need a long vacation away from her!:cool:


The only reason I'm suggesting counseling with her is so that we can work through this and possibly remain friends.

Dude... I'd RUN from this one. She is VERY mixed up. AND she keeps sleeping with other guys. WHY?

She has cheated on you and runs away when the fire gets hot.

It's a form of abuse.

Some woman JUST can't be with one guy.

I HATE the fact you appoligized to her - WHY?? My good - be a freaking man... she seems to walk all over you.

Counseling Won't work with this one. Once a cheater - always a cheater - it's proved over and over on this board.

I think you are WAY too nice to this women and she actually dispises that.

You need to learn about nice guys. A real man would have thrown this woman to the curd a lon gtime ago.

I agree- she is tstringing you a long like a little puppy.

Not only do I agree with Wildcat I have to go along with his NO nonsense way of telling you BE a MAN!Stand up and get what YOU want.As I've said many a time -There are a lot of truly bad ladies out there so why in the h***l don't you get one of them! Or YOU need a long vacation. Quite crying and start to get someone whom you would like without the extra baggage!! :cool: :eek: :)

I agree there.

My advise to guys is with woman he need all these 'men friends' around - RUN. The are very low self esteem woman who need WAY too much attention to have a healthy relationship.

Dude....I'd RUN from this one. She is VERY mixed up. AND she keeps sleeping with other guys. WHY?

She has cheated on you and runs away when the fire gets hot.

It's a form of abuse.

Some woman JUST can't be with one guy.

I HATE the fact you appoligized to her - WHY???? My good - be a freaking man....she seems to walk all over you.

Counseling WONT work with this one. Once a cheater - always a cheater - it's proved over and over on this board.

I think you are WAY too nice to this women and she actually dispises that.

You need to learn about nice guys. A real man would have thrown this woman to the curd a lon gtime ago.

I agree- she is jus tstringing you a long liek a little puppy.

Okay, for one thing, I never cheated. For two, I never "slept" with anyone besides him. So, I think that you should read the post a little better. I later found out that he didn't know that the guy that "kidnapped" me, has a girlfriend, and I have never liked him and he has never liked me. This guy that is being mentined, is a close family friend. I grew up with him. He like a damn brother to me. Things changed when "my guy" found out this stuff. And I wasn't just saying it.He heard me talking to the family friend over the phone about it. I think that the advice that you are giving him is getting out of control and the story is slowly, but shurly being changed by all of you.

Ummm no where did I state that she was sleeping with other guys. After the past few days there is no doubt in my mind that she wasn't doing that. She just broke out asserted her independence and as things stand now we are separating. I've found out that most of the **** I went through was due to a miscommunication. I apologized too her cause I called her 30 times in about as many hours. Sure I was pissed but it was still bad behavior on my part.

Dude....I'd RUN from this one. She is VERY mixed up. AND she keeps sleeping with other guys. WHY?

She has cheated on you and runs away when the fire gets hot.

It's a form of abuse.

Some woman JUST can't be with one guy.

I HATE the fact you appoligized to her - WHY???? My good - be a freaking man....she seems to walk all over you.

Counseling WONT work with this one. Once a cheater - always a cheater - it's proved over and over on this board.

I think you are WAY too nice to this women and she actually dispises that.

You need to learn about nice guys. A real man would have thrown this woman to the curd a lon gtime ago.

I agree- she is jus tstringing you a long liek a little puppy.

Oh yeah, when you go to give advice, I highly suggest you go back and read the ORIGINAL post. Don't just go off the last guys comment. Like I said before, the story slowly changes, and things are being said that the person that put up the post in the first place, never said. Like he just said, we are separated. I don't know if I do want to go to the counsoling, and I don't know what is going on with us. I am at the state of mind that I am moving tomorrow and we aren't together.

Good - he needs that.

WHY do you need all these guys?? All the attention??

This guy seems to be a real good guy. Been there for you and your son and all you do is poop on him.

I don't buy one word from you saying you never cheated. You're staying at some guys house - oh yeah - you slept on the couch right? I don't think this guy is that stupid.

"I later found out that he didn't know that the guy that "kidnapped" me" - that's funny. What a wicked web we weave when first we practice to decive. That's a load a of BS. I hope he didn't believe you.

How the hell does he handle all this drama? The lies ouze out the computer - seriously. Kipnaped you - I hope you went to the police?? I bet, some how you didn't.

Counseling is always an option that is open to you both but you both need to want to go and have counseling and for the right things.. As I've always said you have to go with your heart and not your mind.

Our minds tell us all sorts of things and tiny little things that get in there are blown to all sorts of levels and blown out of place, this is why and as I said lots of people may not agree, but hearts will always tell you what's true. If you both love one another then maybe things will sort out for both of you, but you both need to get your issue's sorted, or you will always end up back at the start !

We all learn in life as we move along. Some things are good and some are bad, but love will always grow like a flower, it needs lots of tlc and if not treated right will die.

People should always be 100% honist very much so if you're a girlfriend & boyfriend with out trust there is nothing, and nothing brings nothing.

No honest woman goes running to other guys. He stated all the guys you hung out with. Woman who do this need massive amounts of attention - AND the guys are ONLY in it for ONE thing - sex - period, end of story.

IF you were kidnaped (total BS) you HAVE gone to the police.

You don't respect him. He doesn't trust you.

Without TRUST and RESPECT - you have NOTHING.

Sorry, I deal in tough love and the truth. Stick by your story if you wish - he must be very naïve and you play him on that.

Maybe you might want to go back and read the post again yourself. It sounded very much like there was a lot of room for cheating to me and that is what it looks like to the rest of us. Boyfriend you weren't with her when you went off alone with these guys and girlfriend only you know what did go on. Hanging out with your guy friends does not necessarily mean cheating no. I have more guy friends than I do female friends because I get along better with guys but I don't sleep with them. Its just the way it looks in the post that makes us all wonder. Boyfriend you say that you trust her and that's up to you but just be aware of the signs and I hope things work out.

Okay, I NEVER slept with him. I went over to his house. That's what happened. So, you know... you should get the damn facts straight. But you know what, its okay. He wants me to stay and I am saying NO. I am tierd of him saying... go,stay,go,stay. So, I am going to go. If it works out, then it does. If not, it was fun while it lasted

No honest woman goes running to other guys. He stated all the guys you hung out with. Woman who do this need massive amounts of attention - AND the guys are ONLY in it for ONE thing - sex - period, end of story.

IF you were kidnaped (total BS) you HAVE gone to the police.

You don't respect him. He doesn't trust you.

Without TRUST and RESPECT - you have NOTHING.

Sorry, I deal in tough love and the truth. Stick by your story if you wish - he must be very naive and you play him on that.
Okay. When he "kidnapped" me, it was a friendly thing. And he took me to my home town to hang out with people. BECAUSE I DON'T. I HAVE DAMN NEAR NO LIFE BEYOND THIS APARTMENT. We do the occational go to a movie or drive, but other than that, my highlight of the week is going shopping for food. And that doesn't even happen every week. But, read the previous post and you all will be happy. You got what you wanted.

Yeah... and I Have some swamp land in Florida to sell you.

Just tell the dam guy the truth!!

Lets uh... how about with the next you tell he you NEED more romance, you need a DATE NIGHT or TWO per week, you NEED more mystery, you need MORE spontaneous, you NEED suprises!!

Instead you go 'hang out' with 'guy friends' - AKA sleep with them.

But, I think the bigger problem the guy is too much of a 'Nice Guy' - she wants more of a bad boy/challange... that's the real crux of the matter.

I have a feeling this guy has a hard time making a decisions... hard time saying no... being all needy and clingy etc.

But, I think the bigger problem the guy is too much of a 'Nice Guy' - she wants more of a bad boy/challange....that's the real crux of the matter.

I have a feeling this guy has a hard time making a decisions....hard time saying no....being all needy and clingy etc.

I agree with some of your post not all of it. This whole episode has had me reverting to some behaviors that I thought were long gone. The vast majority of the time I'm pretty well adjusted. This last week has been hell though. I'm going in to our appointment tomorrow, I doubt she's coming along, but at least I cantry to deal with my ****.

She's flat out rejecting me now telling me she doesn't want to be with me as a person. It's hard to deal with rejection like that. All I've ever wanted was a stable well adjusted relationship. I've put a lot of effort into making this one and it's all wasted now. Not sure what the **** is so wrong with me.

Wildcat, you really are a wild cat. Maryanna, we are not the ones you need to convince. You stated yourself " I have lied to him about alot." Just curious but what was the 4am kidnapping all about? Why so early in the morning? You told him you would stop talking to your ex but you did not and you even stated that yourself. YOU meet some guy off my space and then have this guy pick you up at 2 in the morning and go to his place and you don't come home until Sunday morning. What's that all about? Um way to win some ones trust back let me tell you.:rolleyes: You say you want this guys trust back and that you are sorry you lied to him but then you go off and do more to take his trust away. You say that you lied to him because you knew he didn't trust you but your lies are what caused him not to trust you in the first place. You need to take some lessons in how to win someone's trust back which we will be glad in assisting you with. This is not what we want,Maryanna. If we had the power you would both be a perfect and happy couple. This is your doing not ours. Boyfriend- You did not have to say the actuall words " she is cheating" we gathered that information based on what you did say. Im sorry but a few of the things you said really stick out and smell of cheating. Maryanna- You try to convince us(should be him) that you couldn't have cheated because this other guy has a girlfriend. My ex husband used to feed me that excuse all the time. Him having a girlfriend does not mean that it was impossible for you to sleep together or that he is the faithfull type.

Maryanna, it seems that perhaps a lot of people are making judgments and forming opinions based on circumstantial evidence. While that may not be "fair" or "right", it just happens ; that's the way of the world. Sometimes it pays huge dividends to be able to anticipate others' possible reactions and take them into consideration. Not that you want to assume all responsibility for the whole world's quirks and hangups, but people often, unfortunately, only have a limited basis by which to form opinions and they're going to form them with the information they have. You may want to take a biblical approach, how it says "avoid even the appearance of evil" (emphasis mine.) In the case of a relationship, you can simply substitute the word "infidelity" for the word "evil." If you are involved with someone, you really have no business spending the night at another guy's house, even if it is totally innocent, you sleep on the couch, don't lay a finger on him, etc. Similarly, you have no business letting yourself be "kidnapped" by someone, even if it's all in "fun." As others have suggested to you, to spend the night at someone else's house or let yourself be "kidnapped" by someone and then try to convince people that it was "all in fun" or "totally innocent" just isn't going to fly with anyone who has half a brain, regardless of the "facts." You need to take such things into consideration when making choices to do the things you do. I know you probably don't want to hear this and I'm sure my words will anger you but you really ought to give it some thought.

Well she's out of my house and her number is no longer in my phone book. I've got to accept the fact that even though I want a good stable relationship with her it's not going to happen.

It's been a rough day, I've kept wanting to cut myself or just anything stupid and dangerous, but friends and family talked me through it. I think I'm done with love like this. Give me a stable mutual understanding with a girl I like and that likes me. This passionate consuming love is bull****.

Amazingly enough my ex wife is being pretty supportive despite the fact that I hid this relationship from her because she thought it was a bad idea.

I guess I'll make it through today and we'll see what happens tomorrow. That's going to be my mantra for awhile. I kind of wish I could drop school this semester and just work and live for a bit. My two week break is ending with me in worse shape then the semester did.

Well she's out of my house and her number is no longer in my phone book. I've got to accept the fact that even though I want a good stable relationship with her it's not going to happen.

It's been a rough day, I've kept wanting to cut myself or just anything stupid and dangerous, but friends and family talked me through it. I think I'm done with love like this. Give me a stable mutual understanding witha girl I like and that likes me. This passionate consuming love is bull****.

Amazingly enough my ex wife is being pretty supportive despite the fact that I hid this relationship from her because she thought it was a bad idea.

I guess I'll make it through today and we'll see what happens tomorrow. Thats going to be my mantra for awhile. I kind of wish I could drop school this semester and just work and live for a bit. My two week break is ending with me in worse shape then the semester did.


Well, I am GLAD that they talked you out of hurting yourself. NO girl (or NO ONE for that matter) is worth hurting yourself over. From what you're stating, it seems like you are wanting this to be through between you two? From what I have read in this post (before and after my last comment), I think that you need some time to yourself to get over all of this, get unstressed, and be happy with yourself and everything once again, and then when you do find someone new, hopefully that relationship won't be as hectic. This relationship has seemed to make you too unhappy, and no one deserves that.

Well I talked myself out of the cutting, but my family and friends just helped me smooth out the rough patches after. I do want it to be over, but I also want to be in a good relationship with her. Since the latter isn't going to happen I just need to deal with the former.

This thread is turning into a soap opera, the drama is unbelievable. We have the person that started the topic and the girlfriend he's having problems with posting on the same thread. Guys, you have given some great advice, but I think we should back away and let Pravan and MaryAnn resolve their issues. Don't get caught up in this on going rivalry. Pravan and MaryAnn please go see a relationship counselor. But If you don't want to work things out, then you both need to get on with your lives and be happy. Good luck.

"I want a good stable relationship with her it's not going to happen." - It won't happen because she doesn't respect you.

See you put a gal up on a pedestal that didn't deserve it.

You need tyo learn to build barriers and have tests before you open up your heart - especially to a woman like this. Take it slow.

The problem is Mary Ann needs attention from multiple guys for some reason.

Love the Kipnap excuse... that's a new one.

This thread is turning into a soap opera, the drama is unbelievable. We have the person that started the topic and the girlfriend he's having problems with posting on the same thread. Guys, you have given some great advice, but I think we should back away and let Pravan and MaryAnn resolve their issues. Don't get caught up in this on going rivalry. Pravan and MaryAnn please go see a relationship counselor. But If you don't want to work things out, then you both need to get on with your lives and be happy. Good luck.


She's gone, I went to the counselor today and she was pretty reassuring that this is not my fault and that my behavior wasn't that much of an issue in this she said around 20 percent my fault and around 80 hers. The house Maryanna moved into doesn't have internet so I doubt she'll be making a reappearance here. Anyway Wildcat, I agree I did put her up on a pedastal that she obviously didn't belong on. My main issue through this has been my insecurity with my decisions and not really wanting to discover that I've wasted a few months of my life.

Things will get better, Parvan. You'll see. Just one day at a time. Good luck to you.

Parvan - the minute you put a woman up on a pedestal, they will use and abuse you - the will lose respect for you.

They need to EARN the right to be your equal. It may sound weird, but woman don't think in logic... they go by their feelings - and when they don't repect you they poop on you - Maryanna pooped on you big time.

I am sure you did WAY too much for her - most women aren't used to this - they will test you to see what they can get away with - she really, really tested you.

Learn to say NO to woman. Learn to have spine and STAND UP TO THEIR BS. Maryanna threw A LOT of BS at you - believe me - no question. I have seen this manay times before. You should never put up with that crap - learn to say 'Ok bye'.

You were always there for and there is/was no doubt in her mind she had you. You have show and learn to WALK AWAY.

While I agree with my man Wildcat for tellin' it like it is I also know that to go through the pain that you have been through was a very difficult thing to do.But you must also remember that much of the things you go through has been of your own chosing so it may be easy to blame Maryann but do not overlook the part you played in your relationship with her!No one has the answers to how one should or shouldn't act towards another but you have a choice as to how you deal with people and situations that you go through.Being blessed to be a man in my 50's I can vouch for the fact that we all go through our trials and tribulations that make us who we are.Trust me when I say I've made many mistakes that I would love to take back, but have had to live with the consequences of my actions,and it is up to me to correct my own attitude or make the same mistake over again.I chose not to cry in my soup but to learn from my mistakes and be a better person because of them!:cool:Life is for those that want to live it!

I agree with talaniman.

I just want this guy to know exactly what happened. This woman is a cronic liar as well to him.

He needs to learn what happened. She played him to the tee... used him.

BUT, yes - he brought it on himself by putting a woman on a pedestal. Sorry - but woman do wrong... none deserve pedestal. I am not saying be mean, but woman are your friends - lover maybe 20% of the time. The ydon't need to be taken care all day long 100% of the time.

Woman are part of your life - not your life.

Wildcat, you are cool and all but dang! What up with the pedastal thing. Some chick must have really done a number on you. You must be under the illusion that all women behave badly and get treated good all the time or something. I could name quite a few women who deserve not only the pedastal but a sparkly crown to go along with it. I was married to an abusive one who was never ever there for me and it was very lonely. I have never been treated very well by men except for one. Ive never understood why women complain about men peeing on the toilet seat or leaving their underwear on the floor or forget to take out the trash. I have seen women act like utter demons towards their men over things like that when their man could be doing so much worse. If you have a man that talks to you and actually listens and goes to wrk and provides for his family and makes you feel like a goddess then who gives a darn about the trash or the toilet seat? Id love to have that kind of man. I would not only put him on a pedastal but he'd have a glitteryfreakin crown on his head too. Of course maybe that's my problem is I treat men too well. Maybe I should be a ruthless uncaring shedevil who treats all men like dirt. Why people want to be treated that way I will never know.

I agree with talaniman.

I just want this guy to know exactly what happend. This woman is a cronic liar as well to him.

He needs to learn what happend. She played him to the tee....used him.

BUT, yes - he brought it on himself by putting a woman on a pedestal. Sorry - but woman do wrong....none deserve pedestal. I am not saying be mean, but woman are your friends - lover maybe 20% of the time. The ydon't need to be taken care all day long 100% of the time.

Woman are part of your life - not your life.
One thing we see in thread after thread is someone getting there heart broken and yes it hurts, we've all been down that road before,and not to be mean a man needs to know that crying, b*ing, and moaning gets you no where, so guys if you can't take advise that you ask for... don't ask!Women are a part of your life not your life,the same applies to women too!OH darn her comes my wife with her 2cents!Be right back if she lets me!:cool: :eek:

Crankiebabie - you got it WAY wrong - AND I knew a woman would complain here.

I never said be mean. This guy was a push over for her. She walked all over him and he let her.

I am sure you want a guy who does everything for you, never says no, doesn't have a life, gives up his friends for you, clingy/needy, ALWAYS calling you 10 times a day, no mystery... AKA 'Nice Guy'. Not a 'good guy'.

Woman want a confident, independent, good, fun - guy.

Ha ha. No actually I don't want a guy who is clingy or any of that other stuff. You have to learn to balance it out. You make it sound like all women want to be treated badly and take it from a woman who has always been treated that way, that is very far from the truth. Yeah its nice to have friends. I never denied my husband his friends. ITs when his friends became more important than our children that there was a problem. I don't need a man to do everything for me. Im not a helpless baby. Yeah I want a confident guy. I don't need a guy constantly asking me" do these jeans make my butt look big? Don't be clingy or a push over or not have a life. No you don't always need to be there for your woman. There are something's she needs to deal with and figure out her self but it doesn't hurt to be there everyonce in a while to comfort her and give her advice. I don't know maybe its different for just girlfriends. I am thinking from a wife's perspective. Yes be a man but that doesn't mean you have to be a cold hearted jerk towards your woman. If you treat her like that then you might just find yourself alone. Believe me there were many times that I had wished I had the guts to stray because my husband acted like that cold jerk and I wanted a man who would give me the attention I craved. But no I have to be faithfull and good. I ought to change that.

No - I never ever say treat them badly... ever! Can you show me where I said treat woman badly?

I am trying to keep guys from making the woman their entire world. It's creepy. Stop seeking her approval by doing everything.

Guys should always be kind... it's being kind to woman - not 'nice guy/walk all over guy"

Yes it's a fine line.

Most women would rather be with a bad boy/jerk... than the clingy/needy/insecure/approval seeking 'nice guy'.

Its just the way it looks to me. Maybe I am seeing it wrong. Maybe we should just all be single. Relationships are too danged confusing.

It should never be confusing or hard in the right relationship and the right person.

It's the people you're choosing. Women rely TOO MUCH on their feelings when picking a guy/attraction... it gets them into big trouble.

You need more logic in choosing - these jerks initially make you FEEL that atrraction... but, in the long run they are jerks/players.

That's why experienced women use TESTS and barriers.

Well, just an update, this ***** has completely ruined my life. Since the day she left I have discovered the following things missing: my laptop, my $600 35mm SLR camera, my digital camera, and DVD's and CD's. I have also discovered that she has herpes and has known that she had them. She intentionally lied to me telling me she had gotten a complete sexual health checkup and was clean so that we could have unprotected sex, knowing the entire time that she has herpes. So now I get to wait a couple of months with no intercourse (not a big burden as I have no desire to ever get into a relationship with a woman again) until it has been 4 months since my last exposure and then get tested so that I can know I'm clean. I really wish I had just let her die on my ****ing couch when she attempted suicide. I've tried several times to get my **** back and she refuses, the police are telling me that since she lived with me it is a civil matter, if my shti turns up in a pawnshop somewhere then I'll get it back if I pay the pawn fee. I spend all my time just so ****ing angry at her, I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night since finding this **** out and I spend a huge amount of time fantasizing about grevious bodily harm coming to her. She also admitted to me that she was cheating on me for 3 months and that the only reason she was staying with me was because I was stupid enough to give her a place to live and pay her way. I am going to weekly sessions with a counselor now, but it doesn't seem to be helping much. Of course that might be because I discover new **** missing every day. My only consolation is that she has to live with herself, but since I'm convinced that she is sociopathic and doesn't give a rats *** about anyone else that doesn't help much.

Im so sorry to hear that things have gone so bad! At least there is one good thing to come out of this and that is that you have managed to get the truth out of her and she is out of your life... I guess you must be really ****ed off with her taking your **** because I know I would be too, as for the STD at least you got shot of her now before you ended up with AIDS.:eek:

People like this will just go around and leach off people all there life, my way at dealing with people like this is I really love to beleave that "what goes around comes around"... So she maybe all smug now, but when she is in a trailer getting beat and full of STD's, you will be sleeping in peace with a clean life. You have to hold your head up and keep looking forwards to all the new ways that you are going to be better off and how much better your life will be now. Its good that your going to see someone as well to help with all the stress you must be under right now, Im just sory that the law is not on your side regards your missing stuff, would it cost loads if you took her to small claims court over the stuff?

I hope this is a new start for you and that you look ahead and not backwards, keep looking to the front and take control of your life.. This will make you a lot stronger in the long run, and yes its hard to start but take each day as it comes and you will be the winner and so much stronger in your heart and your soul and your spirt.

I'm not sure but the value of all the stuff probably exceed what could be called a small claim. Laptop was about $1500, SLR Camera was about $600 Digital Camera ~$250. One of the things that is really irritating is that as a college student at a community college I have no health insurance and none of the free clinics do blood test for herpes, if I have an outbreak they could swab and confirm, but by then I'd know for myself. The cheapest bloodtesting I have found was around $100 but I've spent so much cash on this girl and was really counting on her helping out this month that I just can't afford it. In either case every clinic I have talked to says it is best to wait 4 months after the final exposure. She of course is refusing to admidt that she has it. I first learned from her old roomates who all had the same reaction "She never told you" however I have spoken with the person that she caught it form and he confirmed it. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. I know what I need to be doing, but am havign a hard time doing it. One of these days I'll no longer discover something else missing and that will be when it really starts to get better.

Hey Parvan, I really feel for you and I don't blame you for being completely turned off to relationships. Because everything you just went through with this past one is completely messed up. I really don't think that you were letting this girl walk all over you, love is blind sometimes but knowing when to take action and to say enough is enough was the right thing to do.

This girl lied to you and that's totally screwed up, you don't do that to someone you care about. As with most people on this mile long thread I agree that she used very poor judgement when she went to "see" these guys. She may not have slept with these men but Coming from a female point of view you just don't do those things when you have a man at home. Even if she was unhappy with or even had issues with the relationship, she should have just talked to you before all of the lying began.

When it comes down to it, relationships thrive on honesty and communication, it isn't always easy and it may not be what the other wants to hear, but lying about things and then getting found out after is a heck of a lot worse.

Take time for yourself, all pain will heal in timeand stay single for awhile. But don't give up on us woman we aren't all bad. The right woman and the right relationship will come along in time.

It sucks about all that stuff happening. Believe me us women find ourselves saying that we've given up on the relationship thing constantly. It takes time to heal when someone has hurt you and I guess even when one does you wrong its hard to believe that no one else will do the same. Just give yourself sometime and don't go out on the rebound because someone always ends up getting hurt in rebounds.

The thing thast really sucks is she posted here looking for symapthy.

She lied to all of saying she wasn't cheating on this guy when I KNEW she was. You just knew she was. I knew she was lying.

THEN she steals all of his stuff... what a gal!!

Parvan... you will find a good woman. It takes time. You need take your time with it and don't rush into it. No living together for at least 6 months. Build barriers - don't trust completely right away - have your own tests!

So, one more update. I went in and got a complete workup done. HIV was negative but I need to get tested again in a few months, Herpes Type 1 (Cold sores on the mouth) positive, Herpes Type 2 (Genital) was inconclusive (negative, but not enough time has passed to be sure) and I need to get retested in a month or so, the initial ghonerea (urine) test was negative, but they are doing blood workup to be sure I get those results as well as the Syphlis and Chlymidia results tomorrow. Anyway, besides a severe case of the flu I'm doing much better.

Glad to hear that Parvan, I hope you get a clean bill of health. I really commend you on getting tested for these things, that's very responsible of you. Your just like me, as soon as I found something like that out, I would get tested for EVERYTHING, I couldn't stand not knowing. But many choose not to and that's never a good idea. Ill keep you in my prayers and thoughts. I hope everything turns out okay.

Wow, what a gal that MaryAnn was!!

And she even posted here and lied. (I knew she was lying).

Paravan - take slow going forward. You will meet a great gal - probably won't be tomorrow. But, you probably need time to yourself anyway.

This is a good time for personal inventory and let time heal the wounds,but no reason not to enjoy the time you have as a single guy.There are so many nice ladies out there,I can't see how you would even want to be exclusive unless some super-star had your number.:cool:

Soooooooooo many women out there. Ones that are probably better for you and don't have as many tests and games. Ones that just want to hang out and have fun.

That MaryAnn was a complete taker... or even scam artist. LOW self esteem and needed attention from many guys - not good.