When I was 12 I prayed for very specific things I wanted in a guy... I had a huge list and amazingly God brought me everything that was on it to the dot... his name was Josh. Me and Josh started a good friends and became much closer in the course of about 5 years... he was everything I had ever wanted and more. We kept our title best friends but secretly, we knew we had something more, something way more special. Josh was a gift to me, when I was desperately in need of someone... I'd pray and once I was finished, guess who'd randomly show up? I'd be down and he'd know exactly what to do or say... and HE thought "I" was an angel.

Anyway, last year I ended up going to a school on the other side of the country, nearly 3,000 miles away... I was a senior in high school and had a very busy schedule. I guess I just started taking Josh for granted, I loved him deeply but I also knew inside that he loved me too and there was nothing that could take that away. I was offered all these jobs and responsibilitys at my school, and made all these new friends... before I knew it, he was pushed aside, and I was telling him that I was too busy, I was begging him to start hanging out with other girls, and the reason I told him this was because I couldn't stand seeing him hurting over me anymore, I shoo'ed him away.

A few months later, my responsibilities lessened, and I tried to make things right with him again. It was too late, he had completely closed up to me... he was too busy and had nothing to say except he didn't feel anything for me anymore... the only thing I could get him to talk about was the new girls in his life, it absolutely crushed me, I was devastated... I hungup the phone and cried so hard I could hardly breathe. I left him emails appoligizing for all the times I was too busy, I asked him for pictures and the only things he would send me was pictures of him with "other girls". This all happened about a year ago from now. I told him that if he couldn't be a real friend to me again then I couldn't talk to him anymore and that I couldn't handle it, out of anger I told him that he's really becoming a jerk.

Ever since then I've never heard another word from him. He was the best guy I'd ever known, the one that was always there, everything always perfect and understood me like no other, just walking next to him, I felt so special and like there was something magical around us. Its been nearly a year now, will he ever come back? Do you think there's anything I could do? I don't want to chase him and seem even more desperate, I've tried to get over him and get to know other guys, but I deep inside I just know that there's nobody else out there that even compares to him. He was everything to me and I still feel like he's inside of me, we were like 1 person in 2 different bodies... he was the one that I would call when I couldn't sleep late at night and he would make up bedtime stories for me (lol he was so cute) and would write the sweetest poems about me.

I just have this gut feeling that someday he's going to come back, even if its just for a good friendship. I'm convinced inside that he's going to come find me again... but then I heard my friend saying that same thing about her ex, I'm so confused! Is it really over? Does it have to be?
I'm sorry this is so long to read, its just been killing me for the longest time...

You're still 3,000 miles away physically? And a million miles away mentally.

Something major would have to change. If he isn't trying, and you don't, then all you can do is wait and see. While you're waiting, you'll have to decide if it is worth it, or if you want to take steps to build that relationship with someone else.

What if you wrote Josh a letter, like the one you have written here. You could even make it more inclusive of the events of your relationship and what those events mean to you. And explain to Josh how much he means to you. The purpose of the letter is to tell Josh exactly how you feel, today; it is a 'testimony' of your life and how you feel about him, as opposed to 'flirting' to get him back. The other purpose is to let him know that you cannot stop living and wait for him forever; you are, in effect, asking him to make a decision about your relationship. What we learn is you are responsible for yourself, and while you love him greatly, you can not expect him to be other than honest with you. If he doesn't love you, then you must accept that and be prepared to go forward without him. This is a letter I would put in the mail and keep a copy; I might even send it 'teturn receipt requested', so that I would know he received it, whether he reads it or not. You can call him several days later just to make sure he acknowledges having read your letter. I hope he communicates well if you put a lot of trust in this effort.