I am 22 weeks pregnant, and ever since I found out I was, he doesn't want to give oral sex anymore. He will have intercourse with me but no oral. He tells me that he just feels wrong because our child is in there but yet he has no problem having sex with me. I don't understand.Its not like the baby can see what's happening or has any idea what's going on. What is your opinions on this? Why is he doing this and how can I get him to see it differently.

If he doesn't feel comfortable doing it I don't think that you should force him or anything.

If he doesn't feel comfortable doing it I don't think that you should force him or anything.

I don't want to force him to do it, but I just want to understand why?

Any specific oral you wants him to do it? Has he done it (even once) while you're pregnant?

Silly mental ideas, but then it does not have to make sense, if that is what he believes and feels, it does not have to make any rational reason,

To push an issue would just do more harm. Be happy he is still willing to do sex, some men and/or women stop during this entire time.

Is receiving oral sex the only way you can orgasm? That could be the reason why you are so insistent on receiving it. In my opinion, I see no rational reason why he is *denying* you the pleasure of oral sex. I think emotionally, he is having some kind of struggle.

If the vulnerability and emotions of pregnancy weren't complicating things, wouldn't you just smack him upside the head? He needs to get over it. "There's a baby in there", no sphit Sherlock!

I think it is pay back for the first 3 months of denying him anything on my end. When I found out I spent so much time reading that I didn't want anything to do with him because he can't make sure the baby is healthy. He says he won't give me oral because I had a yeast infection during my 9th week. And he is scared of them. I don't understand it the infection is gone the dr says so and still none.

If you find a solution to his phobia for lack of a better word please let us know.

[QUOTE=brown_eyes_3546]I think it is pay back for the first 3 months of denying him anything on my end. When I found out I spent so much time reading that I didn't want anything to do with him because he can't make sure the baby is healthy. He says he won't give me oral because I had a yeast infection during my 9th week. And he is scared of them. I don't understand it the infection is gone the dr says so and still none.

Yeah, it's weird. And I'm 22 weeks now.. and he won't do it for me yet he still expects me to do it for him which I don't mind doing but it should be a two way street.

Any specific oral you wants him to do it? Has he done it (even once) while you're pregnant?


He Did it once in the beginning.. I think around 9 or 10 weeks... and ever since then he hasn't wanted to.. but yet he still wants me to do it for him LOL

Make it a two way street. If he does not feel right doing it, then you should not do that for him.

Oh and by the way, there are certain infections that can be spread back and forth through oral. So it is best not to take that chanch while pregnant.

In some pregnancies it is safer to obstain from all sexual situations while pregnant. Depends on if it is high risk or not.

What you need to do is not push the issue with him. Also make sure he knows things are a two way street.

If he won't do this for you, then don't return the favor! That is like saying "You give to me, but I wont give back"... thats no kind of a deal for you! Like what was said above, don't force or push him, just simply tell him that it's a 50/50 situation and if he can't live up to his half, neither should you.

In my husband's opinion, sexual intercourse was more scary and invasive than oral when I was pregnant. If he is all that worried, go to the doctor together and talk about it with him. Then he can find out whether there are any risks or not and base his decision off that. You can also ask him the exact reason it bothers him and see if you can come up with a solution. Knowing the baby is in there is not a good excuse in my opinion... I mean he knows its in there when you are having intercourse, what makes this different?

You should have a serious talk with him because in my opinion its crap that he won't do it for you but still expects you to do it for him.

Just Be Happy You are Getting Sex. If U Nagg About It U Might Not Get Anyhthing. Read My Question, And See What All My Nagging Lead To. Lol

If he wont do this for you, then dont return the favor! That is like saying "You give to me, but I wont give back"...thats no kind of a deal for you! Like what was said above, dont force or push him, just simply tell him that its a 50/50 situation and if he can't live up to his half, neither should you.

In my husband's opinion, sexual intercourse was more scary and invasive than oral when I was pregnant. If he is all that worried, go to the doctor together and talk about it with him. Then he can find out whether there are any risks or not and base his decision off of that. You can also ask him the exact reason it bothers him and see if you can come up with a solution. Knowing the baby is in there is not a good excuse in my opinion...I mean he knows its in there when you are having intercourse, what makes this different?

You should have a serious talk with him because in my opinion its crap that he wont do it for you but still expects you to do it for him.


Good point.. it is crap... and yeah I agree with you and what your husband said, I would think any guy would be more worried about intercourse because you get a whole lot closer to the baby that way then with oral. To me it makes no sense. And yeah I am going to make it a 50-50 situation... for all fairness LOL

Good point.. it is crap... and yeah I agree with you and what your husband said, I would think any guy would be more worried about intercourse because you get a whole lot closer to the baby that way then with oral. To me it makes no sense. and yeah I am gonna make it a 50-50 situation... for all fairness LOL

Well good luck! I hope he at the very least just listens to you and your point of view before getting so paranoid. It really might make him feel better to talk with your OB/GYN about this. It seems like a strange way of thinking, but then again he could just be being cautious.. who knows. :p

You said: "Why is he doing this and how can I get him to see it differently." My guess is he didn't enjoy doing this for you in the first place; tell him you really need for him to love you that special way.

You said: "Why is he doing this and how can I get him to see it differently." My guess is he didn't enjoy doing this for you in the first place; tell him you really need for him to love you that special way.

Well, you are wrong, he actually did enjoy doing it before I was pregnant

Well good luck! I hope he at the very least just listens to you and your point of view before getting so paranoid. It really might make him feel better to talk with your OB/GYN about this. It seems like a strange way of thinking, but then again he could just be being cautious..who knows. :p

Yeah, maybe he just thinks he's being cautious, I don't know. But this has been a good pregnancy so far, so its not like I am high risk, you know.. but yea I think talking to the doc and getting a professionals opinion on the matter might clear things up

Man, once again the double standard emerges. Make it a two way street? Give me a break. She is pregnant, and during that time there are psychological things going on for the man as well as the woman. There are countless threads on this site about women who don't want to have sex during pregnancy and the advice to the man is "Deal with it... so many things are happening to her right now, etc." I happen to agree with that advice but to pretend that the man isn't also affected is pure BS.

Whether it is well-reasoned or not, her husband doesn't feel comfortable performing oral on her while pregnant. I'm all for talking with him and helping him understand that he may be worrying unnecessarily about physical harm. But even then, there may be emotional/psychological barriers for him that he just can't get over.

If this were a woman we were talking about, none of you would have ever suggested bullying her or withholding to try and manipulate the situation.

Starviolet, as a guy I can tell you that there is a switch in our minds that flips during pregnancy. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, find you attractive, care for you, etc. A lot of men feel awkward about oral during pregnancy, and put images in our heads that take a while to fade. Toward the end of pregnancy, despite being told time and time again that sex is OK it is difficult for some of us guys to engage in it or at least engage 100% for fear that all that jostling might hurt the baby. Unreasonable? Maybe... but no more so than some of the reasons women avoid sex sometimes and the same advice we give their partners ought to stand. In that respect it really ought to be a two-way street.

Pregnancy is difficult enough and you two should be doing everything you can to keep the relationship solid and comfort one another. You should not be sexually blackmailing your husband. Do for him what you can and what you feel like doing and let him do the same for you. Keep talking to him and trying to make him feel comfortable about it but don't be heavy-handed about it. How would you want him to handle this if the roles were reversed? If you didn't want to participate in a particular activity would you want him to withhold something? Later in your pregnancy if you don't feel like sex at all (a definite possibility) would you want him to nag constantly and make you feel inadequate?

Let the flood of angry female responses begin! :eek:

Man, once again the double standard emerges. Make it a two way street? Give me a break. She is pregnant, and during that time there are psychological things going on for the man as well as the woman. There are countless threads on this site about women who don't want to have sex during pregnancy and the advice to the man is "Deal with it... so many things are happening to her right now, etc." I happen to agree with that advice but to pretend that the man isn't also affected is pure BS.

Whether it is well-reasoned or not, her husband doesn't feel comfortable performing oral on her while pregnant. I'm all for talking with him and helping him understand that he may be worrying unnecessarily about physical harm. But even then, there may be emotional/psychological barriers for him that he just can't get over.

If this were a woman we were talking about, none of you would have ever suggested bullying her or withholding to try and manipulate the situation.

Starviolet, as a guy I can tell you that there is a switch in our minds that flips during pregnancy. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, find you attractive, care for you, etc. A lot of men feel awkward about oral during pregnancy, and put images in our heads that take a while to fade. Toward the end of pregnancy, despite being told time and time again that sex is ok it is difficult for some of us guys to engage in it or at least engage 100% for fear that all that jostling might hurt the baby. Unreasonable? Maybe... but no more so than some of the reasons women avoid sex sometimes and the same advice we give their partners ought to stand. In that respect it really ought to be a two-way street.

Pregnancy is difficult enough and you two should be doing everything you can to keep the relationship solid and comfort one another. You should not be sexually blackmailing your husband. Do for him what you can and what you feel like doing and let him do the same for you. Keep talking to him and trying to make him feel comfortable about it but don't be heavy-handed about it. How would you want him to handle this if the roles were reversed? If you didn't want to participate in a particular activity would you want him to withhold something? Later in your pregnancy if you don't feel like sex at all (a definite possibility) would you want him to nag constantly and make you feel inadequate?

Let the flood of angry female responses begin! :eek:

For one, I haven't even nagged him. I have simply asked him why he feels that way, like what is going on in his head and he can't give me an answer. I should have known I'd get this type of answer from a man. Someone who obviously has never been pregnant, and has really no clue what he is talking about. Yeah maybe you just might have been through it with someone but unless its going on inside your body you really don't know. And for your info... if the roles were reversed and for some reason I didn't want to do this for him, then he definitely would hold back, because that's just the kind of person he is... he'd be like well if you aren't going to do it for me two can play this game. I have no doubt that my pregnancy is affecting him, but he shouldn't still expect me to do it for him when he knows damn well if the roles were reversed he wouldn't do it for me.

I think you totally misread my post, I didn't accuse you of nagging. That was just an example.


I should have known I'd get this type of answer from a man. Someone who obviously has never been pregnant, and has really no clue what he is talking about.

I don't get why input from men gets disregarded... I never once implied or said that I completely understand what is happening to you as a woman. Never. I simply tried to give you input because, as a woman, you may not be able to completely understand what is going on in your husband's mind. Just because I can't personally be pregnant doesn't mean that I haven't lived through two pregnancies with my wife or that I might not have something to contribute to the conversation.

As for the statement that he would withhold, that still doesn't make it right and is all the more reason you guys need to talk.

I tried to give you a well reasoned, supportive response from a male point of view based on the information you gave. You did not mention your belief that he would be a jerk if the roles were reversed. Given what you said in your post, I could only assume that it was a healthy, happy relationship with only one particular activity lacking.

In the future, if you intend to completely disrespect the input from one gender you might say so in your post so that potential contributors don't waste their time trying to help. I tried to give you some information that your husband might be hesitant to provide on his own.

First you are not going to "force" or make someone do a sexual act they don't want to do, and them enjoy it at all. And trying to force a sexual act they don't want to do will only cause more and more separation, he will not even want to start regular sex since he will think you are wanting more and he just will not want to deal with it. So be careful in forcing too much of any issue.

And while not wanting to sound wrong, you may want to remember that many men will never do it ever, so you have one that will normally and that is more than a large percentage of women,
Just as the group of women who would never do oral on their husband.

So each partner needs to respect that at times or sometimes all the time, one partner may perfer not to do certain things. To force the issue will just cause resentment not a result you are looking for

I think you totally misread my post, I didn't accuse you of nagging. That was just an example.



I don't get why input from men gets disregarded... I never once implied or said that I completely understand what is happening to you as a woman. Never. I simply tried to give you input because, as a woman, you may not be able to completely understand what is going on in your husband's mind. Just because I can't personally be pregnant doesn't mean that I haven't lived through two pregnancies with my wife or that I might not have something to contribute to the conversation.

As for the statement that he would withhold, that still doesn't make it right and is all the more reason you guys need to talk.

I tried to give you a well reasoned, supportive response from a male point of view based on the information you gave. You did not mention your belief that he would be a jerk if the roles were reversed. Given what you said in your post, I could only assume that it was a healthy, happy relationship with only one particular activity lacking.

In the future, if you intend to completely disrespect the input from one gender you might say so in your post so that potential contributors don't waste their time trying to help. I tried to give you some information that your husband might be hesitant to provide on his own.

I'm sorry that I misread your post. I interpreted it as that you were trying to imply that the man is affected in the same regard as the woman..
Sorry that I disrespected you, but when I read your post the first time I kind of read between the lines that you were not neutral and were more or less saying that what he was doing was all right. But then again I misunderstood...

And my husband and I are happy! And other than this one bump in our relationship, we are fine. Its just that I have made sacrifices in this pregnancy where I didn't really want to do certain things but I wanted to keep things in our love life on the same level because its important when you are a pregnant couple to still feel like your partner wants you and desires you, that way.. and I didn't ever want him to feel like the baby was getting in between.. There have been times where I didn't want to give oral, but I did. I just can't understand why he won't make the same compromise for me.

I tried to just give a rating, but couldn't. You wrote: "I wanted to keep things in our love life on the same level because its important when you are a pregnant couple to still feel like your partner wants you and desires you, that way..and I didn't ever want him to feel like the baby was getting in between..There have been times where I didn't want to give oral, but I did. I just can't understand why he wont make the same compromise for me."

It just doesn't get any better than this, does it?

First you are not going to "force" or make someone do a sexual act they don't want to do, and them enjoy it at all. And trying to force a sexual act they don't want to do will only cause more and more seperation, he will not even want to start regular sex since he will think you are wanting more and he just will not want to deal with it. So be careful in forcing too much of any issue.

And while not wanting to sound wrong, you may want to remember that many men will never do it ever, so you have one that will normally and that is more than a large percentage of women,
Just as the group of women who would never do oral on thier husband.

So each partner needs to respect that at times or sometimes all the time, one partner may perfer not to do certain things. To force the issue will just cause resentment not a result you are looking for

Once again, I don't want to FORCE him to do it.. I just want him to see that if he doesn't want to do it for me then why should he still expect it from me..

There have been times where I didn't want to give oral, but I did.

And that might be part of the problem. If it was just a minor thing, like maybe you still wanted to do it but would have preferred something different that night, then I don't see any problem with this. We can't always be in sync and as long as both partners are willing to give a little ground because they know the other will reciprocate that is OK. But if you really didn't want to do oral and you did then there is a problem there. You should never do something you don't want and you shouldn't expect your hubby to either. Since I don't know the exact circumstances I can't say which category this falls into.



Its just that I have made sacrifices in this pregnancy where I didn't really want to do certain things but I wanted to keep things in our love life on the same level because its important when you are a pregnant couple to still feel like your partner wants you and desires you, that way.. and I didn't ever want him to feel like the baby was getting in between


Brace yourself, you won't like the next statement. Your love life will not be on the same level. Period. Your body is going through changes that affect whether you want to or even can. He is experiencing feelings that are obviously affecting his desires. Even after the pregnancy there will be lots of late night feedings and other wonderful parental responsibilities that may keep you both tired and affect the frequency of activity. I'm not saying it will be bad... just different.

Don't try to hold yourself to your pre-pregnancy standards. You have chosen to live in a state that temporarily affects your physical relationship in exchange for a lifetime of wonderful memories as a family.

Hang in there, I bet things will get better after the baby arrives and you've both had some time to settle back into a normal routine. Best of luck.

I think once you have this child, things will go back to the way it was, so don't take his aversion personally. As you say, it's a temporary glitch in an otherwise happy relationship.

And that might be part of the problem. If it was just a minor thing, like maybe you still wanted to do it but would have preferred something different that night, then I don't see any problem with this. We can't always be in sync and as long as both partners are willing to give a little ground because they know the other will reciprocate that is ok. But if you really didn't want to do oral and you did then there is a problem there. You should never do something you don't want and you shouldn't expect your hubby to either. Since I don't know the exact circumstances I can't say which category this falls into.



Brace yourself, you won't like the next statement. Your love life will not be on the same level. Period. Your body is going through changes that affect whether you want to or even can. He is experiencing feelings that are obviously affecting his desires. Even after the pregnancy there will be lots of late night feedings and other wonderful parental responsibilities that may keep you both tired and affect the frequency of activity. I'm not saying it will be bad... just different.

Don't try to hold yourself to your pre-pregnancy standards. You have chosen to live in a state that temporarily affects your physical relationship in exchange for a lifetime of wonderful memories as a family.

Hang in there, I bet things will get better after the baby arrives and you've both had some time to settle back into a normal routine. Best of luck.

Thank you for your response, maybe I won't ever completely understand.. but I definitely agree with this statement "You have chosen to live in a state that temporarily affects your physical relationship in exchange for a lifetime of wonderful memories as a family. " Which is true.. I guess if we can survive this... then in the end the result will be worth it:)

I think once you have this child, things will go back to the way it was, so don't take his aversion personally. As you say, its a temporary glitch in an otherwise happy relationship.

True.. I guess things could be a lot worse..

Have you and he discussed this dilemma with your obstetrician at all? If not, maybe the next time you go for a check up, it would be a good topic to discuss. Maybe your man thinks it is not a healthy activity to do while pregnant, or perhaps the whole pregnancy and oral sex idea has him intimidated, or maybe slightly turned off. Some men are really turned on by a pregnant woman, while there are those who seem to not find it very sexy at all. It would not be a good idea to attempt to force the issue. However, if he is not willing to open up and discuss his reservations about pleasing you orally, maybe that aspect of your sex life should be put on hold in both directions for awhile.

I am 22 weeks pregnant, and ever since I found out I was, he doesnt want to give oral sex anymore. He will have intercourse with me but no oral. He tells me that he just feels wrong because our child is in there but yet he has no problem having sex with me. I dont understand.Its not like the baby can see whats happening or has any idea whats going on. What is your opinions on this? Why is he doing this and how can I get him to see it differently.
There is an increased discharge during pregnancy because of the hormone changes, that has much stronger taste and smell... Maybe your boyfriend is bothered by this but he doesn't know how to tell you. You can simply wash yourself prior to engaging in these activities. But of course talk to him before...