My twin sister and I were fostered out at about 6 weeks of age. That family adopted both of us. My adopted mom died back in 1996 and my adopted dad is still here and I love him very much. But I am 29 now and wanting so bad to find my biological mom. I have found the man who was with her right before we were born and we think he is our father. He has had no contact with our mother since 1984 and has no idea how to find her. How can I go about finding her without it costing me a fortune. I know her name and date of birth and place of birth. Can anyone help??

First I always ask everyone why, what do you believe finding her will do for you. And are you ready for the heartache if she did not want to be found

If you know where she can from and her last name, check out everyone in that area with that last name.

But to be honest, since women marry, change their last names, you don't know a social a lot are never found

If you have all of that information--post on an adoption web site with a reunion section.

You might also try leaving your information with the adoption agency you were adopted through.

Good luck!

I too must ask why, and fr chuck points out are you ready if she doesn't want to be found.

I would only like to see what she is like. I'm not trying to invade her world. I can tell you are all men that responded. No real feelings... I hope none of you were adopted

Actually I am adopted, have an adopted son, and counsel 100's of people with adoption issues over come them and find to be happay with their adopted parents ( their real parents since they raised them)

I feel sorry for your adopted son that he has such a close minded dad.

I doubt you councel anyone. Real councelors wouldn't give the advice you do. What if she does want to find us but doesn't know how. She knows nothing about us. Get a real life and stop trying to save the world. LMAO at you

Well after you find your mom and perhaps she spits in your face and calls you a... oR you find her and find out you are a product of rape or something, Or you show up at her door hopeing for that happy Oprah meeting to find she was sorry she had you and gets a restraining order the next day to stop you from further contact.

Yes those are all real things that do happen and has happen and can happen to you. Will they ? Who knows, but in general to many of the people spend too much energy looking and looking and forget that they already have what they really need, real parents ( their adopted ones) who are their real parents, The other sperm donors were not there for sickness, for birthday parties and so on.

What you have is a dream parent, that you want to be something or somebody. Now in your case, you want a replacement I guess since your real family passed away,

Chuck... I'd like to point out that I'm a birthmother.

I'm actually somewhat offended that you refer to me as a "sperm donor" who isn't a "real parent" because I wasn't physically there for my child through most of her life.

In my opinion, being a "real parent" is doing what's best for your child, even if that's letting someone else raise your child.

I realize you deal with a lot of people on both sides of the reunion, but frankly, I'd be overjoyed if my daughter wanted to meet with me, even though I get yearly updates on her, and keep in touch with her parents. I choose, like a lot of birthmothers, to let HER make the choice. I don't want to "invade" her life--but I would like to be a part of it, more than I am now with just a letter and some pictures once or twice a year.

I don't expect to be a "dream parent"... but to state that birthparents are not "real parents" because they weren't there for birthday parties and skinned knees is dead wrong. We're "real" parents too--we just chose to make our most important parenting decision right after our children were born.

Frankly--that exact attitude is why choosing adoption is looked upon by so many people as being better than choosing abortion--but not by much. I mean, in society's eyes, choosing adoption is a cop-out (no matter HOW "feel-good" people make it sound) to "real" parenting.

And to deny us the moniker of "parent" hurts more than you could possibly dream. 99% of birthmothers loved their child, and wished for a way to make it work--and have spent their LIVES either regretting the decision entirely, or hurting because they don't get Mother's Day cards, or acknowledged as anything other than "sperm donors" because they weren't there--no matter how much they wanted to be!--for birthday parties and skinned knees.

To the original poster--I meant what I said the first time. I wish you the absolute best of luck trying to find your birthmom. Whether it will have a happy ending is in the hands of the Creator--but I truly hope that you are at least able to speak with her and exchange stories, if you can't become friends of a sort. If she is anything like the majority of birthmothers I've spoken with over the last 15 years, I'm sure she'd at LEAST like to know that you're okay, that you're happy, and that you lived a good life. After all--she sacrifed a lot so that you could--she sacrificed knowing YOU.

Thank you so much Synnen. It's nice to hear that someone out there understands. You know, she may not want to see us but if I don't try to locate her, I will never know. It's even OK if she wants nothing to do with us, I'm not looking for a replacement. My adopted mother was a wonderful woman and no one could replace her. I would just like to see her face, to hear her voice, see what she is like. I'm not wanting to show up on her doorstep and say "here I am mom". I deserve to know who she is as I didn't ask to be taken away from her. I look at people like Scott Gem as ignorant, closed minded people who are so unhappy in their own lives that they give out bad advice to make someone else as unhappy as they are. After all, misery loves company... huh Scott

My twin sister and I were fostered out at about 6 weeks of age. That family adopted both of us. My adopted mom died back in 1996 and my adopted dad is still here and I love him very much. But I am 29 now and wanting so bad to find my biological mom. I have found the man who was with her right before we were born and we think he is our father. He has had no contact with our mother since 1984 and has no idea how to find her. How can I go about finding her without it costing me a fortune. I know her name and date of birth and place of birth. Can anyone help?????
Well first of all, I feel that you should go to a website where you can find the age, name, and address of any person that you want. It DOES cost, but trust me in the end, it is worth it. I mean, if no one else knows tHe whereabouts of your biological parents, then how else will you find them. Just keep trying because you never know, they may be looking for you and your sister. GOOD LUCK!!

Thank you ShayShay. I will do just that. Whether she wants to find me or not. I'll know I tried on my part.

Thank you so much Synnen. It's nice to hear that someone out there understands. You know, she may not want to see us but if I don't try to locate her, I will never know. It's even ok if she wants nothing to do with us, I'm not looking for a replacement. My adopted mother was a wonderful woman and no one could replace her. I would just like to see her face, to hear her voice, see what she is like. I'm not wanting to show up on her doorstep and say "here I am mom". I deserve to know who she is as I didn't ask to be taken away from her. I look at people like Scott Gem as ignorant, closed minded people who are so unhappy in their own lives that they give out bad advice to make someone else as unhappy as they are. After all, misery loves company... huh Scott


Only question I have here is where did Scott come into the conversation?

Chuck and I have consistently been on opposite sides of this issue, since we're on opposite corners of the triad--but I didn't even see a post by ScottGem here! I do generally find Scott to have the LEGAL side of things down, without stepping on toes.

I guess I'm just wondering if you got the wrong name here.

There is a world wide registry for adoptees and their birth parents. You can enter your name and at least get registered, in case your birth mother is also looking. There are several forums like that.

Adoption Registry Connect (http://www.adopteeconnect.com/)
http://www.gsadoptionregistry.com/
Adoption Registry - Records, Reunion Registries, Adoptees, Search Reunite (http://registry.adoption.com/)
http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/3686/adoptee_registry.html

Try the reunion posts on adoption websites. My aunt found her dad that split on her years ago. But most people don't find there bm so don't be upset if you don't. I wish you the best and hope that you can find her and that she loves you and misses you!

Good evening...
I'm surprised this has not been posted yet as the advice, though all good, is the long process of finding the information you want. I was also adopted. My brother, sister and I by the same family at an older age. However age of adoption does not matter, the process is the same.

The first thing I would do is get a copy of your birth certificate. Not the birth certificate that shows your adopted parents on it. You will have two and you will have what is called an adoption creed. Some states may call it by a different name. Every time a child is born in this country, regardless of where the child goes, it's recorded.

You start by going to the state you were born in, not adopted in, and go to their Vital Records Dept. Most states, if not all, you can access Vital Records right online. What you want to order is your original birth certificate and adoption creed. The because will cost anywhere from $6.00 - $18.00 depending on the state. Same goes for the other forms you request. You then will have to pay for shipping. Those will be slightly higher than standard shipping but not much. Depending on how fast you want the information you can have it sent overnight in most cases after it's processed.

Why you want to start there is because you said you think this man might be your father but you didn't sound sure. Plus it's been shown the statistically people will stay close to where they grew up. On your because it will have your birth mothers name and where she was living at the time and how old she was when she gave birth to you. The fathers name however, does not legally have to be on the because it's up to the birth mother. Mine was on there but it would have been up to her.

This is how I found my parents and I was surprised how easy it was. Both parents had stayed close to the homes they grew up in even though they were not together. If that does not get you anymore answers than when you started you are only out a few dollars and you can take all the advice given above. If anything I found it to be of comfort that I have my original because now. It shows information I would have not otherwise had.

As far as meeting her and finding her everybody will have their own ideas about. I found and new my birth parents, so mine is a bit different. However, when I got much older I did take a walk down memory lane and it was painful but fullfilling and a very important for me to do. Because you were a baby it will be a little easier than growing up with bad memories of your childhood. You are the only one who can tell you what your heart wants and needs.

Good luck to you and finding the missing pieces to your life puzzle.

It is not near that easy in most cass, glad it worked for you, in all closed adoptions, while there is an original birth certificate they are sealed and not available to anyone without a court order. ( which is almost impossible to get) In cases of an open adoption, they would be available.
In some cases they will confirm a birth date, and/or race of parents.
I know there was always an birth date issue for me, since one set of my adoption records show one date, another set was "whited out" and changed.
But in most cases the adopted parents will have a copy of your adoption paper work which has a lot of information.

I'm sorry it sounds like my case was much easier. I apologize if I gave anybody false hope. That's how I did it and just tried to save you some time.

Thank you Fr_Chuck for clearing that up.

NO really thank you, you did give some people a place to look. I do forget that a lot of states do have open adoptions now and material is available for them.

I know in my case I had no interest in finding my birth parents, to me that is just silly esp for those adopted under one. Since to me their adopted parents are and will always be their real parents, and to say less is a real disrespt to their adopted parents.

But I had an issue with my birth date, one I was always alitle advanced for my age, and next on the actual adoption paper work that my parents got when I was adopted, ( yes they do get paperwork , at least they did in MO during the year I was adopted and in the case where I adopted my son in GA) But remember before computers, when people actually typed, my paperwork had birth dates with white out, and the date changed,
So I did have the clerks at the court house look at my original, it was there right in my file in the county court house. So they are not actually "sealed" in some vault, but merely restricted.

And while I seem like a bear on people looking, I don't mind them looking if they are doing it for right reasons, and not putting some false hope in finding a wonderful person. In a lot cases they will find a wonderful person, But then sometimes they don't, when they don't, I end up with many in counseling, and to be honest after helping 10 or 12, you sort of get a hard shell about the need to really look.