My husband had an affair and now the homewrecker is pregnant. She knew he was married because I have spoken to her. My husband has agreed to relinquish his rights because he want to be married to me and make our marriage better. We have two children of our own under the age of 5. I already told him it was my way or the highway. He is not to have any contact with her or the baby when it arrives. What are our legal responsibilities of a child from an affair in South Carolina. Can anyone help.

Legally your husband will have to provide financial support for the child, even if he chooses not to exercise his paternal rights. Make sure you make it known to the court when the time comes that you already have 2 other children as it is. That'll lessen the amount he has to pay, since the support of one child does not supersede the support of the others. Also get a DNA test to make sure the child is his as that's the only legal way to prove paternity in this situation.

Your post makes me feel sick. Sure the kid is not yours, but if he is your husbands, then the kid should have contact with his biological father period. You can blame the other woman homewrecker all you want, but that man you are giving orders to is responsible as well. The kid didn't make him have the affair. Why is it you still would take this man back, but not the child he is responsible for? If you truly loved him, I would think that anything that is part of him could share that love as well. Sure, it would be easier to avoid anything to do with that "problem", but you'll also enjoy the years of family knowledge that your kids have a half-sibling out there, that daddy skipped out on.
On the other hand, if you both work together for the child in the right way, it could actually help your marriage... a lot more than those ultimatums you gave him. I know you are angry and want that entire mess to be gone, but taking him back should also include the bad with the good... yes it will mess up your life as it was, but that has already happened.
I know you probably won't like my message, and I don't care if you want to rate me poorly, but at least I feel I've said it.

boysmomx2 - No matter how much you like it or not, your husband WILL have to pay child support for the child that he helped to make - even if it was an affair. Relinquishing of rights does not mean that he has absolutely no obligation to the child. It just means that he has no visitation rights and can make no legal decisions for the child. Think about it, any person that has a child, married or not, has a responsibility to care for the child unless it is given up for adoption by both parents.

Your husband has a RIGHT to be in that child's life. It is not right for you to force him to choose between you or the unborn child. The unborn child is innocent in all of this.

What are our legal responsibilities of a child from an affair in South Carolina. Can anyone help.
Child support.

What are our moral responsibilities?
To make sure the chilld, is loved and safe.
The second question was mine, and far more important than the first one.

My husband had an affair and now the homewrecker is pregnant. She knew he was married because I have spoken to her. My husband has agreed to relinquish his rights because he want to be married to me and make our marriage better. We have two children of our own under the age of 5. I already told him it was my way or the highway. He is not to have any contact with her or the baby when it arrives. What are our legal responsibilities of a child from an affair in South Carolina. Can anyone help.

And from your other post:


I am in a similar situation. My husband of 9 years dating and together 22 had an affair and the home wrecker is pregnant. We have two boys and I already told him if our life is going to be together he is relinquishing his rights and she will have to deal with the fact that she knew she slept with a married man. I hate it for her. But she was warned to stay away from my husband on four different occasions. SHe is nothing but white trash as far as I am concerned. She knew he was married and now she need to deal with it. I was always taught you lay with dogs you get fleas. Never poop where you eat. But now he is going to play by my rules and not his own. Its going to be my way or the highway. If he does not want it this way he is to pack his bags and go now. I am not stopping him. I have already lost 70 pounds in the 4 months that I have known about her being pregnant. I am good to go. I can find someone who will adore me the way I will adore them. My husband know now what he has and is rethinking why he did what he did. OH well you screwed up and now you will be paying the piper.

She knew she slept with a married man, and he was a married man who had an affair. You are blaming only one person here, her, not your husband. He is equally at fault.

Much less, you are blaming an innocent fetus for the deeds of it's biological parents.


She knew he was married and now she need to deal with it.

He knew he was married also, why shouldn't HE have to deal with it?


But now he is going to play by my rules and not his own. Its going to be my way or the highway. If he does not want it this way he is to pack his bags and go now.

Are you always this controlling?


Now, for your answer to the question at hand...

Relinquishing his rights only means that he has no say as to how or where the child is raised. He has no rights making decisions about the raising of the innocent child, including medical decisions that may save the life of the child. It in no way means that he will not be financially responsible for the child.

There are consequences to every action. His action - affair... the consequences - he is financially obligated to help raise the child.

Boyosmomx2, I have been in your shoes, my ex had an affair also, the product of his affair is a beautiful 16 year old girl who I met this past fall at our son's wedding. The homewrecker was not invited to attend. If you are this bitter, and this controlling, it might be wise to leave him. There was no way I could stay with my ex after the affair (I had 2 boys also). I just couldn't do it, the trust was gone.

So, my suggestion to you would be to contact a divorce attorney.

I would have to question the motives behind relinquishing rights. Do you think that by doing so, it will be as if your husband never had an affair that produced a child?
The fact is this - your husband has another child (or will) out there. It is not fair to this innocent child to lose his father. He/she did not ask to come into the world this way.
Your husband knew what he was doing when he made this baby.
Now he needs to step up and be a dad to this baby. And you need to let him

Blame anyone you want, but the child.

Look, she could not get pregnant without HIS participation. You can't put all the blame on her? He is just as guilty as she is.

So, he is the homewrecker too.

Your post makes me feel sick. Sure the kid is not yours, but if he is your husbands, then the kid should have contact with his biological father period. You can blame the other woman homewrecker all you want, but that man you are giving orders to is responsible as well. The kid didn't make him have the affair. Why is it you still would take this man back, but not the child he is responsible for? If you truely loved him, I would think that anything that is part of him could share that love as well. Sure, it would be easier to avoid anything to do with that "problem", but you'll also enjoy the years of family knowledge that your kids have a half-sibling out there, that daddy skipped out on.
On the other hand, if you both work together for the child in the right way, it could actually help your marriage...a lot more than those ultimatums you gave him. I know you are angry and want that entire mess to be gone, but taking him back should also include the bad with the good...yes it will mess up your life as it was, but that has already happened.
I know you probably wont like my message, and I don't care if you want to rate me poorly, but at least I feel I've said it.


I agree! It takes two to make a child, so your husband is just as responsible as the "homewrecker". The child did not have a choice in this matter, so it is not right for you to take away his/her chances to know their own father. It would appear you and your husband have bigger issues you need to deal with but it is NOT fair for you to say you will not want him involved in his child's life. It seems to me that you think if he avoids any contact or responsibility it will make the "affair" as if it never happened... being in denial is not the answer!! There is a child involved!!

To say this woman is the homewrecker is not all fair - I agree with the others, your husband is the second half of that homewrecking duo. He is just as guilty. Put the responsibility where it belongs. If you cannot be civil in this - yes, I know just how hard this is for you - then you need to decide if you are staying with this chump or leaving.

Sorry but men can not be pregnant, and he is the home wrecker, since he knew he was married when "HE" sleep with this women. So please don't blame the women alone, if you forgive your husband, who is the most at fault forgive her also. Next it is not the babies fault and you are a terrible person for trying to make your husband not have any contact with his own child. This is one of the most hateful things I have heard on this board in years and we get a lot here. So I would go for the highway if you had ever orderred this to me, and that would be my advice to him if he came here asking.

And for course no matter if he gives up his rights or not ( which most likely the court would not allow) he will still have to pay child support every month for the next 18 to 21 years, so there will be contact also when they take him back to court over the years if child support is late or to modify the agreement when he makes more money.

So you have absolutely no idea what will have to reallly happen and the sooner your plans include the child in his life the better off and the faster you may heal the relastionship

My husband had an affair and now the homewrecker is pregnant. She knew he was married because I have spoken to her. My husband has agreed to relinquish his rights because he want to be married to me and make our marriage better. We have two children of our own under the age of 5. I already told him it was my way or the highway. He is not to have any contact with her or the baby when it arrives. What are our legal responsibilites of a child from an affair in South Carolina. Can anyone help.
I'll agree with everyone else that you are being cruel and vindictive in your demands. I will also just point out that if he decides on "the highway" rather than giving up this child, your two boys are going to be shuttling back and forth between two households. Which means that they are quite likely to meet the "homewrecker's" kid, because he will probably have visitation with both sets of kids at the same time at some point. So what exactly are you going to accomplish here?

I can only add that if you were this controlling and vindictive before he had his affair, I can understand what drove him into another woman's arms.

This is one of the most hateful things I have heard on this board in years

Glad to know it wasn't just something I found disturbing! I wonder if the OP is reading the comments and reconsidering anything?

Most likely calling us cheating lying men. She wants her way, and not what is right and fair for anyone else. And wants to deny the truth, even if they do stay together for a bit this away, she will not be happy and will always find fault with this man because she has not placed him to blame, not that they may not be able to make it, but not this way, ( best odds)
Sounds more like she just found out and is striking out in anger not judgement

Being the "victim" of an affair is awful. I know. It is one of the hardest things I have had to over come in my marriage. And his affair did not produce a child. If it had, I don't think I could handle it and would have taken my child and left.

I don't think I agree with ScottGem at all.

"I can only add that if you were this controlling and vindictive before he had his affair, I can understand what drove him into another woman's arms."

No matter what, he made a vow to you, through good times and bad. So if you are controlling, he probably knew that before he married you. That is no excuse for his betrayal.

Having said that, the rules have changed a bit now. There is an innocent child to think about now. It goes way beyond you and him. Doesn't EVERY child deserve to be loved and made to feel wanted by their parent?
By denying your husband his right to be a father to his child, you are setting yourself up to fail. He WILL end up resenting you and leaving or cheating again. I am sure you do not want that and with the way things are that is exactly what you are trying to avoid.

There was a girl on this board that had a similar situation, although it was her longtime boyfriend that she considered her soulmate. Anyway, he cheated, produced a child.
She said that she would stay, but wanted to be there in every aspect of the process of seeing this kid. She put so many conditions on this guy that I am sure he felt like he was choking.
Bottom line, after the child was born (2 weeks) and he had not seen his child because of the "conditions" set - he snapped and ended his relationship because he couldn't take it.
She was crushed. Because she thought she had it all figured out. IF she controlled the situation, she could control the hurt or whatever.
It backfired. As it will in your situation if you don't learn to loosen up. Either deal with this child or take your kids and leave - start a new life.

Either deal with this child or take your kids and leave - start a new life.

In taking her kids she will only be hurting them! Just as this other child deserves to know their father, so does his first two children with his wife. All children involved have an equal right to know and have both parents in their lives!!

I don't think I agree with ScottGem at all.

"I can only add that if you were this controlling and vindictive before he had his affair, I can understand what drove him into another woman's arms."

No matter what, he made a vow to you, through good times and bad. So if you are controlling, he probably knew that before he married you. That is no excuse for his betrayal.



I didn't say it excused the betrayal, only made it more understandable. If that's what drove him away, then he should have ended the marriage before taking up with someone else.

But the divorce courts are full of people who learned their parents true nature only after they married them. Its not a given that he knew it going in.

It backfired. As it will in your situation if you don't learn to loosen up. Either deal with this child or take your kids and leave - start a new life.

She can't just "take her kids and leave". They are not "her kids", they are both of theirs kids. They are going to be tied together until those kids are 18, and even if they wind up divorcing over this, the kids deserve to have a good relationship with their father. However, going on the mother's attitude, kids are going to get hurt in this. It's just a question of which set.

I want to clarify something about this. I am not the one telling him he will not have contact with this child. He is the one who stated it to me. He is the one who wants our marriage to work and our life to be together. He is the one that told the homewrecker he wanted nothing to do with her when I found out about the affair. She never told him she was pregnant until after the six month. He had ended it with her and then she called and told him. She just moved out of the state. I am angry with my husband, I do not trust him and will not trust him for sometime I am sure. If I was not in counseling before I had found out about the affair I would not be where I am today. He was the one to start the counseling sessions, because he wanted our marriage to work. I do not feel that it is one sided hatred. After our lengthy discussions I have stated that it will be my way or the Highway. It has always been his way. I have done everything from our marriage date up until now for my husband and my kids. I have never done for myself. That is what I meant when I said my way or the Highway. He is going to be doing for me now. And I understand that he will have to pay child support. I am not arguing that point. He made a mistake and now it is going to cost us. Cost us dearly I am sure.
Just for the record you find things out afterward. This is not the first time this person has done this. Meaning her. This is the third time she has had an affair with a married man. So I can not have pity for her. This is how she is going through her life. She can not find her own man so she entices other women's husbands. It has been stated that she enjoys the challenge. I do not want for anyone to think that I do not blame my husband. I do and I am very well aware that it takes 2.

Look, I know the hurt of an affair. It is real easy to blame and place all that hurt on the "homewrecker", especially when you stay with your spouse.
It is good to hear that whatever decisions are made about this child - that they are left to your husband. I do question why he is doing it. Is it to please you? What is he gaining? He will still have to pay financially for this child.

Anyway - for the comment I made earlier that seems to have some people up in arms about taking your kids and leave.
What is meant by that is this - if you can not live with what has happened and can't get past the facts of the affair - then you owe it to yourself and your children to find happiness. If what you are going to get with staying with your husband is misery - then it is better for your kids they have happy parents - even if it means they aren't together.

I thank you for the additional information. I still would not want to leave that child alone in her hands to learn only her ways. I'd have her in court so much that she'd think twice about trying it again. But, I am not in your shoes with a husband who wants not to parent the child. The kid still is the biggest loser in my opinion if he does not grow up knowing his real father. It's going to be bad enough for him when he reallizes his mother's ways, and to wonder about his father will certainly put some ideas into his head about how men are supposed to behave toward children... Your own children will also be learning life lessons as well. You'll have to decide what you want to teach.

I'm not interested in what adults do so don't take this personally, I just find it sad that a child can't be loved as he should, and is around adults who can't figure out what's important now. All BS aside.

As a "victim" of an affair myself I empathise with you dearly. My husband of 14yrs cheated on me twice( that I know about), I forgave him the first time but could not handle it the second time. After much emotional turmoil over 4 months I decided that he had to go.

He cheated on me because he felt that he could as I was a "passive character" and oh yeah I forgave him before so that gave him the green light to do it again. He had the shock of his life when he realised that I was seriously calling an end to our marriage!!

As previous replies have mentioned you cannot forgive your husband without forgiving the "other woman" and to deny contact with your husbands own child will bring no resolution to the matter. No matter how much you threaten your husband regarding not seeing the child you are running the risk of him going underground, meaning that if he wants to he will see the child and this other woman without you ever knowing.

Men are like children, the more you tell them not to do something the more they will do it!!

If you cannot accept the child then it would be easier to walk away, otherwise your life will be consumed with suspicion and a life of suspicion is no life at all!!

I wish you all the best.

If you do not allow him to be apart of that child's life then you are bad guy. And you never know years down the road might want to be apart of that child's life and either do it behind your back or leave you to be a father for that child. I am speaking from experience my real fathers wife did not allow him to be apart of my life. It sucks not knowing your real dad. I was almost 16 yrs old when he decided to sneak around behind his wife's back and come see me, but he got caught and does not come see me anymore.

Good evening Boysmomx2...
I have just been reading these posts over the last few days. However, now I have had it and am furious. First of all, I am sorry for the pain you must be in, I really am.

However, you have no right to continue to call that girl a homewrecker. Is that really fair or right? To make it much worse you continue with those train wreck of cruel words by stating you know this, 'is what she does' it's the third married man she has been with. How do you know? I mean how do you really know anything about this girl? When you first post you mention the affair going on for a while. Did you know her personally? Maybe a friend, something? If not, chances are you are being told this through a rummor mill to make you feel better, or your husband is sharing this news to take the heat off himself.

Humor nature is to make others feel better by jumping on the bandwagon that this awful woman is the spawn of the devil, out to snatch every married man she can get her hands on. When in reality it's probably that farthest thing from the truth.

Make her look like the vixen who is only interested in married men is probably very unfair. That has to be the guilt, shame and insecurities you have that need you to tell yourself this.

You can't in your mind imagine that she might have been just like your husband and met and things happened, that shouldn't have. Maybe she was devastated to find out she was pregnant. My point is that you can't really know.

This type of situation hurts all parties involved, everybody, even the one you don't want to blame. However, if there isn't already, there will be a small baby enter this world. Chances are, as women, and you know what I'm talking about, she will raise that baby on her own and be fine. Women in this country do it all the time. But if her soul mission was just to get what she couldn't have, wouldn't getting pregnant throw off her 'game?'

I am not at all asking you to become friends with this girl or even like what has transpired. But hating and spilling these kinds of statements out about the mother of your soon to be step child is wrong and you know it. If the roles were reversed would you want it done to you.

It sounds like you and your husband are on the right track to mend things and I know it's a slow process. This child will not ruin your marriage. Your marriage needed mending before this child enters the picture. Your husband and/or yourself not accepting the child is your decision and whatever that is, only has to matter to you.

Please just stop with how you think this woman was or is. It does no good for you, your husband and your relationship and will only foster more anger. Let whoever you think she is go and stop playing the blame game.