For background, see my other post "marraige in shambles". I believe my husband got hooked up (found his dope connection) right after the wedding last July by a guy who works for, but not necessarily goes to, our church, an ex-gangbanger from Compton to whom our pastor gave a job. I believe this because of the multiple calls on the cell bill to and from this guy per day for the last 4 months. No two grown men are going to call each other that many times a day unless their scamming or having an affair. I also heard a message on my husbands voice mail from some other connection saying, "Yeah, man. I just wonderin what up witchew. I got what chew looking fa." I called that guy using my husband's cell and asked him if he knew how to get a hold of --- without using any names here online --- "the church guy." He didn't say, "I don't know any "Church Guy". He just said he didn't know how to get hold of him. So that's a bust to me. I told him my husband was really sick and to please not "help" him anymore. He said, "I totally won't" I know that doesn't mean anything, but when a "customer" gets busted, a connection won't have anything to do with you anymore. Church guy got his van impounded a couple of months ago for "no tags". He put all his stuff in our garage. Yesterday at church he came up to me and said he wants to come over to get some of his stuff. Last night I told my husband that I am going to ask one of the pastors to be there with me because I don't want to be alone with that guy. I don't like him or trust him and I'm afraid of him. My husband got mad at me and said my attitude was "UNCHRISTIANLIKE." I was floored!! What audacity! If only he would defend me like he defends this bum. And he's the one who's been lying his a##s off for the past 4 months, running around with some bag lady snorting coke on the side of the street. UnChristianlike? I asked him last night what he would do if someone threatened my sobriety and he said he would be pissed. Then I told him that HE (my husband) IS THE ONE WHO THREATENED MY SOBRIETY! So here it is Christmas Eve. He had to work. I'm supposed to be at the Church at 2:00 p.m. and sing 5 services until about 12:30 am. It seems like every time I just want to go to church and NOT think about this disaster and just worship my beautiful Lord, he pulls something so that I'm completely distracted. I'm really hating this marriage. I think I'm ready to let go of the dream that I thought this relationship was. That is what has been tearing me up the most. I thought I married a Godly man. It was a shock to find out the truth. And I'm so humiliated in front of my church. I feel like I should have known better because of his past. But I'm new to the church life and thought this was God's Will. After all, I didn't meet him in a bar! When we met I was a choir girl and he was an usher. The choir faces the congregation. He used to stand at the back of the church and make funny faces at me. I thought I knew him. Now I feel like I don't know him at all.

Such a sad story for Christmas Eve.

I honestly have no advice to give to you, other than follow your heart.

Your faith in God through these troubled times is truly an inspiration to me.

God Bless and have a very Merry Christmas:)

He will do nothing but drag you down to ruins and make excuses for his buddies. Addicts can not get priorities straight because they are slave to the addiction and therefore friends come first--especially if they supply.
You need to pray about it and leave him. If he really loves you and wants to be with you he will go to the pastor and get counseling for his addiction. Then if he overcomes that he and you can get counseling for your relationship. Most people into drugs that have the attitude of defending their dealer and other addicts over the truth are not interested in any real relationship. No doubt he most likely loves you but it is a love twisted to fit into what he wants rather than a healthy love and it does NOT get any better.

Don't let your embarrassment to the congregation stop you from what you have to do because it could be just as embarrassing or more so to stick with him and have them saying things like I don't know why she bothers with him, I don't know what she sees in him, etc...

You need to get on with your life, one of you should leave, he's still playing games, without professional help, he'll just bring you down. The addict has to help himself and till he's ready to change, you will get no where. Try not worrying so much about the other people and what their think, plan on your next move.. for you!

YOu need to move on with your life, First no one else can stop you from going to church, but they can take your mind off Christ if you let them.

Get out of this situation and move on.

It is obvious that you are unequally yoked to this man in marriage. I hope, by now, you have talked to your Pastor about this. You have a way out that no one can blame you for taking. Maybe your husband, once you have talked to your Pastor, will agree to some joint counseling. If he does not, then why stick around waiting for something worse to happen?

I know of a similar relationship. A friend of mine has boyfriend that's an alcoholic, cokehead, and whatever-else-he-can-get-his-hands-on-head.

Basically she's on the bottom of his list of priorties. But she puts up with it because she doesn't think she can do any better. He's a total leech.

He'll say things like how he's going to go drop a DVD off at so and so's house, then ends up getting drunk, then high, then not coming back home until 5 in the a.m.

You don't deserve that type of treatment. I hope you can persuade him to get help, once he's off that crap you will know him once again.