Sorry for the length
Hello everyone,

My ex girlfriend and I have been going out for about 5 years and she broke up with me about 3 months ago. The reasons for breaking up with me were because I was not treating her the greatest (just ignoring her feelings, nit picking, nothing extreme or anything). Anyway, when we first broke up she was right away open to the fact that she wanted to be friends, so I openly agreed to that. However, during this time, we never were truly friends with each other... she would invite me over everyday and we basically con't like we were still going out. Usually before we did anything sexual she would say " I don;t want to hurt you, I feel bad doing this" I just ignored it. To make a long story short, this con't for a solid two months... I did everything I guy could possibly do for a girl (minus romantic stuff due to boundaries) and made sure that I was never the one to iniciate anything (no calls, no visits, no nothing). Anyway, after two months I decided to ask her if she was starting to gain trust with me again and that it was too difficult to keep doing the friends thing and asked for her to give me a "chance" to show her I've realized my mistakes and that I would never do the things again. She insisted that she had saw a change in me, but it still wasn't good enough and that now she has realized that she want to be single right now because she doesn't want to have anyone effected by her decisions. However, she still told me that she is in love with me, but her head was saying no and that in a perfect world she would want to be with me. So fearing the fact of getting strung along, I decided to go no contact with her. During this time, she hasn't really attempted to contact me until the last couple of days (NC lasted 1 week). I talked to her and she confessed that she misses me so much, but still doesn't want to give me a chance because she doesn't want any boundaries in her life. I left the conversation quite upset and now I don't know what to do. I want to still be with her so bad because the feelings are still there when we see each other and we still get along great (she even admits that). She said she needs time, so that we can start on a clean slate... so I am wondering if the best option is to go NC (so that she can see what lifes like with out me) or should I contact her minimally (ie Facebook message, email) so that I respect her request for time, while still being a part of her life. Can someone please help me out, what should I do? Keep in mind that I still want to be with her.

You and her want different things right now. That being the case, you need to do the NC route. She may eventually miss you and be willing to come around on your terms. If not, then you'll have given yourself a head start on the path to healing and getting over her.

Read friend4u178's what to expect when you get dumped. NC all the way. First month or so will suckkkkkk, but you'll be OK. Surround yourself with friends.. . and beautiful women ;)

Go no contact, and stop the emails and calls, and free sex. She wants to be free to enjoy whatever life brings her, and still has you until something better comes along. Your stuck on her, and are there whenever she want you, like having a b/f, without the strings. No contact ends all that, and will let you move on, especially in light of your inability to accept she doesn't want to be exclusive with you. When she finds some one else, no more time for you, for sure. Heal and move on.

If you are confused and have a sick feeling in your stomach, she don't love you. There is a thread on here about breaking-up songs; rather than hurting yourself and pestering her, listen to music. Go NC and let us know each day how you are doing.

Yeah I agree with the others about no contact... I stayed in contact with my ex for a while, and I think all it did was make things easier on her for breaking up... it makes it kind of not seem so final when you remain in contact... then slowly fizzles out... well it did for me anyway! Put it this way, if she wants you, she will come and get u. Gud luck :o) xx