Hello all,

My fake name is Alex. I am 18 years old!
For almost two years I work at this coffee shop, and a few moths after I was working there, this guy was hired as well. At first I didn't even think he was cute or anything, but then was always SO nice to me, smiled all the time, made me feel good and laugh, and I did the same thing, but I never ever even tought about crushing on him, because I have not come out of the closet yet. :)

Anyway, time goes by and one day one of my girl friends asks me to let him know [let's call him TOM], to let TOM know that she tought he was cute. I did that, with no problem at all, and he acted REALLY strange, almost like he did not care about it at all. So I was like "WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?" because he always acts like he is a pimp, that he gets all the ladies and stuff like that, so I was kind of confused.

Months went by, and I always noticed that he would check me out when I am not looking, or if he is walking around (working, waiting on people), he would lightly touch me with his arm or something. Again, I might be WRONG about this because I am very unexperienced with relatonships and flirting.

Anyway, I never really felt anything towards him, but I liked having him around, until last summer, he went on vacation for one week, and that was the worst week ever. I missed him so much, nothing was fun without him around, so when he came back I was all happineess, but I never ever let him know that, although on the day he came back, I was smiling all the time, and he one time asked, laughing: "Why are you smiling at me?" and other time he asked me why I never looked into his eyes when I was talking to him. I did not give an anwer to neither questions. By that time I was already sure I was in love with TOM!

TOM never did anything that truly made me think he is into me, or that he is gay, but I just do really think he is at least Bisexual. By the way, have I said how much him and I fight all the time at work? It's like a married couple, he picks on me all the time. Does that mean anything?

Back on topic, whenever I am waiting on a cute guy, I feel kind of embarrassed for some reason, I blush, I feel weird, it's hard to explain, and last week I noticed he went through the SAME THING!! Him and I were waiting on those two really cute guy, so I took a deep breath and normally waited on the first guy, and TOM prepared his coffee. Then TOM was done helping the 1st cute guy, and the 2nd cute guy was just standing there waiting to be helped by TOM. After waiting on these guys with a strange voice, TOM did not waited on the second guy, he turned around and pretended he was making coffee for somebody else, but I was kind of stuck with an order so he HAD to wait on the 2nd cute guy, so he went ahead, had no choice and acted like a macho: "Yo bro, what can I get for ya?" [I have never heard him say bro]!!

His family is very conservative, and so is mine. He talks about girls all the time, but I have never actually seen him with one, I SWEAR to god. And last year, at the company's party, our friend, a girl, that works with us, had everything settled to hook up with him in that party and he did not want it. Why did he not want it? He is single, he is free, meaningless sex is no harm.

Do you guys think I am fantasizing?? Or there is a chance that after all detailed information I gave, I could actually be right? Is this guy inside the closet and into me, or I am just REALLY wrong?

Have I mentioned how he is always asking what time I am leaving work, and how he is always making fun of me? Sometimes I physically hit him and he does not do anything (as a joke). Although lately, he's been, joking, saying stuff to me like "You hit like a girl" or "homo".

Thanks, guys.

The way you describe it, he has no qualms with homosexuality judging by the way he talks to you, so he may be bi or gay. I would just come out and ask him "are you gay"? Problem solved.

Well if you were straight and he was a girl, what would you do, you are acting like being gay changes all the rules or something. You ask him,?

I'm strait, so that might affect my view on the situation? Ask him (privately) how to tell if someone is or not? See what he says.. See what he thinks your status is? Might be a way to find out his? You could always ask him how he would feel if a gay guy asked him out. It would all have to be privately... even then he may not be "out" or comfortable...

What I'm getting at is that you have to kind of get a better perspective of the situation, feel him out on the subject (nothing tacky intended) in the same way that a straight person finds out if a potential prospect or partner is married, engaged, etc.

Think back to how your first partner found out your views... assuming that he isn't your first. One more thought, do you know his age? If he isn't an adult, you better wait until he is.

Xrayman, I feel like if I just ask him that question he will say he is straight, because I just feel like he puts up all this acting and stage to pretend he is straight, and I am afraid he actually is, and I am the only one who thinks he is gay.

Fr_Chuck, I can't ask him. That would ruin EVERYTHING, not only he he turns out to be actually straight and not at all interested on me, he wouldn't only find out I am gay, but he would also know I like him, and that would SUCK BIG TIME!

oneguyinohio, like I said, everyone sees him as a straight guy. Even I see him as a straight guy, but it is little things like that I mentioned that makes me think he is attracted to me, and if he is attracted to me, he is at least bi.
I might be wrong on my perceptions and he may be straight after all, that's why I can't ask him certain questions yet!

Sort of reminds me of my cousin who is 40 and still lives at home with his mother, he can always think of a 1000 reasons not to ask some girl ( or maybe guy) out. You can live your life with what ifs, and I can't because this perosn will think this or that.

So what if he finds out you are gay, are you ashamed of it?? If you let them know you are gay, then it makes things easier.

Fr_Chuck, I can't let him know I'm gay. We have common friends and he knows my family and I'm totally in the closet. I am only willing to get out of the closet if somebody I like comes out with me, or helps me, kind of like him!

Remember I'm only 18, I'm still a teenager. It's not easy to socially find your place in the world and who you are when you also is gay. I think I'm OK socially, I have great friends, I don't have any enemies... but I'm gay, and in my hea that sort of changes stuff

Send him a note asking if he is gay-if not leave it at that, if so ask him out.

I guess that is my issue, "in the closet" . If a person really is a certain something, lying and hiding who they are is not being true to thierself.
At 18, you are old enough to know your lifestyle, so your friends and family find out, real friends and family that cares will still be there, the others did not matter anyway.

But as long as you are hiding your true self, you will never find happyness.

Fr_Chuck, I agree with you, but right now I just don't have the strength and the will to do so. Not alone, not now!

Those feelings are not unusual, but once you work through them, your life will be easier. Not to imply that it will be easy for you. I only mention it to say that your feelings are normal in your situation.

Sweetie I really sympatize with you. I just found out my brother is gay and at first it was kind of a shock but then I sat back and I said to myself, "this kid is going to have so many people in his life that will judge him simply for his feelings and he needs all the support he can get." I don't love my little brother any less and I have so much respect for him for coming out. It's a very hard thing to do. It's a huge step. I don't necessarily agree that not coming out right away is lying and hiding who you really are. It's a big step.

Here's a little hint. Instead of doing it all at one time, try only a few people at a time. Of course your family first. I know you say that they are very conservative but that will not affect their love for you and if anything it will only boost their respect for you. It's a very mature thing and I absolutely understand how you feel.

To be honest, I think I may be bisexual. None of my family knows that and only a few of my friends know that. I'm not going to tell any of my family until I know for sure that I am.

Take your time "Alex"

I'll be here for you.

Good luck with "Tom" ;) Keep up your little simple tiny hints of flirting until you or him comes out first. One of you is bound to crack. It seems to me that he likes you too.

Between your fear and fantasy, and assumptions, you are not moving forward being who you are, and that delays your potential to be happy. Its not about coming out the closet, but wanting to be happy. In reality we all must take a risk, despite our fear of rejection. Not to scare you, but workplace relationships have their own pitflls, so I think you would be better served getting friends you are comfortable with, and working on overcoming some of your fears.

Oneguyinohio, I tell myself that everyday and it's good to know I am not some sort of freak for being who I am.

Emm Lura, thank you so much for your kind words. You put a smile on my face today, thank you so much. You are a great person for doing what you did for your brother. God Bless you!
You know, maybe I am wrong when I said I was "gay" in the header of this topic. I think I am bisexual, because I feel sexually attracted to girls as well, but my attraction to men is stronger. Does that make me bisexual, or still gay?


You know, it's things like that, that make me really confused about myself. I know who I am and I know what I want, but at the same time I am not sure if I am either gay or bisexual... That's why right now I honestly stay on the closet a little while longer. I hope to god you are right about "Tom"!

Talaniman, thank you for your wise advice. I will keep that in mind!

One more thing: I am a christian Catholic, and I feel like I am in a contast sin for being a bisexual/homosexual, which is a wrong thing to do, according to the bible. What should I do? I feel like I do the wrong thing regarding my religion, which also keeps me from actually wanting to go to church :(

One more thing: I am a christian Catholic, and I feel like I am in a contast sin for being a bisexual/homosexual, which is a wrong thing to do, according to the bible. What should I do? I feel like I do the wrong thing regarding my religion, which also keeps me from actually wanting to go to church

Then your CHURCH is wrong.. if your church stops you from being you-something you cannot avoid in your biology and biochemistry, then who is wrong here?

time to look elsewhere for "support".

P.s. if you still like girls (and like sex with them), and you like boys (and want to have sex with them), then in that case you are bisexual as per today's vernacular).

you are gay if you ONLY want sex with the same sex.

From your detailed post I would like to offer that you are still very young and very much turned on by the immediacy and overpowering world of adult sexuality. You are in the peak years for male sexual desire and potency. The world is a very exciting place!!

I think it is possible that you will have delayed sexual maturity because you are gay and there are societal and religious constraints that inhibit you from expressing your authentic self. As you get older and more comfortable with supporting yourself and making your way in the world functioning as an adult without parental supervision, you will probably gain more self-confidence as years go by. Now, you are still carrying the baggage of being the clutches of the high school psychological milieu and extreme social pressure... nothing is worse!

If you want to know if you should seduce this guy, I would say no; he's too close to home. You are not ready to "come out" and deal with all the stuff everyone will throw at you.

Best wishes in the future :)

Ok, you brouht up the church, so I will answer that from that aspect.

Yes according to the Christian faith having sex outside of marriage is wrong. And homosexual sex is a sin according to the Christian faith, catholic or protestant. It is no more or less a sin than other sin, but it is a sin.

Ok, you brouht up the church, so I will answer that from that aspect.

Yes according to the Christian faith having sex outside of marriage is wrong. And homosexual sex is a sin according to the Christian faith, catholic or protestant. It is no more or less a sin than other sin, but it is a sin.

So what is he to do FR_Chuck?:confused:

Sexual sin as with all sin, has to be advoided. I can answer this from the catholic view point, it is not a mortal sin, so it will not destroy his salvation, but would keep him from taking the sacraments since he is living in sin, if he gets to the point of active sexual behavior.

I don't want this post to get off into a argument over religion, start a new thread for that, we have discussed it to death a 100 times so far,
But those that wish to follow God's will will have to learn to live a celebrate life if they have desires outside of Gods will for sexual behavior.

Understood, I was not "having a go at you." Just to give him some advice as per the churches point of view-considering HE is christian etc.

Thanks everyone, it is really helping.

Right now, my biggest concern is whether TOM is really into me. I want to be able to tell by his actions, not by asking or anything, because before I make a move I want to be sure; Any one suggests something? Something he has done that proves that he really feels something? I am really confused.

I guess I am bisexual, then. Because there is this girl at my school, that although I don't feel nothing towards her, I am attracted to her, different than TOM, because I'm not only attracted to TOM, I actually like him.

No, I don't mind discussing the church/sex/ homosexual view point,

And if you notice I am advising him to be true to hisself as for as being honest with family and friends,

Right now, my biggest concern is whether TOM is really into me. I want to be able to tell by his actions, not by asking or anything, because before I make a move I want to be sure; Any one suggests something? Something he has done that proves that he really feels something? I am really confused.

If your waiting for some action by him, then accept his non-action as a hint. There are no simple ways to tell anything, if your not experienced enough to pick up clues. But I can tell you what an almost good bet would be, the straight locking of eye contact, held that extra second. Gender doesn't matter. Use my secret wisely, my son. And pay heed to my warning, a piece of tail, ain't worth misery at work, or losing your rent money.

I think you need to find your local gay community, they can help you come out/ guide you. You can usually use gay networking sites to locate gay people in your area. As with all internet things be careful, maybe just find a gay club or bar and go there rather than meeting a specific person.

If you find that you can learn the little secrete hints, items of clothing, codes which help not completely out people source another gay person without outting each other. Yep it's gaydar!

If you get some gay friends they can help you- they have been there done that got the out T shirt. Some may have had a more traumatic time than others.

As for the am I gay or am I bi question. There was a sexual scientist in the sixties (I think) called Kinsey. He did a lot of research on human sexual orientation (he has his own scale). From his research he concluded that only 10% of the population is truly homosexual as is 10% truly 100% straight. Human sexuallity is more fluid than we allow, females being even more fluid than males. So don't pin yourself down, just go with the flow. Kinsey Reports - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_Reports)

I know a couple of Catholic gays and lesbians, they were consumed by guilt for so long, but when they finally came out they found their families were more accepting than they expected. So you see there is hope yet, people can surprise you. Just don't expect a positive reaction straight away- remember you have had your whole life to come to terms with it and a lot of people coming out expect their friends and families to be cool in about two minutes!

Workplace romance is never that good, better waiting until one of you leaves.

Good luck

Well I am a gay guy myself and I can tell you based on the facts that you have given I would say that he might be gay or Bi, but that does not mean that he is into you, he may like you as a friend and feels like he has a better connection with you because he knows that you are gay, trust me gaydar does exist as proven by science a few years back. But if you really want to know without outright asking him or telling him that you are gay is to leave subtle hints, go into it gradualy and slow. It may take a few months to get the answere out but once you do the work will be worth it. It can be simple as a casual conversation about homosexuality, such as a hot topic like gay rights saying that you personaly have no issue with gays and they should have rights and what his thoughts are on gays, start small like that and then over time talk about more topics of being gay. Like doing say gay porn, or if he has ever thought of being with another man, but do it in a causal conversation. But always talk about your thoughts and feelings on the subject first to let him not that it is OK he can feel secure talking to you and he can open up and be honest, because if you ask him first these questions he may lie, and if after a while of waiting he has not confirmed he is gay it may be best to maybe come out to him secretly. Of course all these talks should be secret, but at the same time with hold the info that you have a crush on him. He may not come around right away and admit that he is gay but it is your best shot, and if all else fails I would ask a open gay guy to confirm it for you I would say that 3 open gay guys should be good. 3 votes, so 2 out of 3 say yes then you can be sure that he is gay, and at that time I would let him know of the crush, banking at this time he has confirmed that he is OK with gays. So if you tell him that you have a crush on him tell him in secret and at the same time let him know that you "know he is straight and you respect that and you won't hit on him" and with time perhaps he may come around, note that it is not going to work 100% of the time, every person is different, and some will come around and some won't, there are actually some gay guys that go there whole life without telling a sole that they are gay, and they die that way. It's a shame but when you are out the feeling is liberating.

Well I am a gay guy myself and I can tell you based on the facts that you have given I would say that he might be gay or Bi, but that does not mean that he is into you, he may like you as a friend and feels like he has a better connection with you because he knows that you are gay, trust me gaydar does exist as proven by science a few years back. But if you really want to know without outright asking him or telling him that you are gay is to leave subtle hints, go into it gradualy and slow. It may take a few months to get the answere out but once you do the work will be worth it. It can be simple as a casual conversation about homosexuality, such as a hot topic like gay rights saying that you personaly have no issue with gays and they should have rights and what his thoughts are on gays, start small like that and then over time talk about more topics of being gay. Like doing say gay porn, or if he has ever thought of being with another man, but do it in a causal conversation. But always talk about your thoughts and feelings on the subject first to let him not that it is OK he can feel secure talking to you and he can open up and be honest, because if you ask him first these questions he may lie, and if after a while of waiting he has not confirmed he is gay it may be best to maybe come out to him secretly. Of course all these talks should be secret, but at the same time with hold the info that you have a crush on him. He may not come around right away and admit that he is gay but it is your best shot, and if all else fails I would ask a open gay guy to confirm it for you I would say that 3 open gay guys should be good. 3 votes, so 2 out of 3 say yes then you can be sure that he is gay, and at that time I would let him know of the crush, banking at this time he has confirmed that he is OK with gays. So if you tell him that you have a crush on him tell him in secret and at the same time let him know that you "know he is straight and you respect that and you won't hit on him" and with time perhaps he may come around, note that it is not going to work 100% of the time, every person is different, and some will come around and some won't, there are actually some gay guys that go there whole life without telling a sole that they are gay, and they die that way. It's a shame but when you are out the feeling is liberating.

Unless "TOM" tells you he is into you... then like any other person out there... assume he isn't. Otherwise any advances will be unwelcome.

After all he has two lips and a functional mouth. He's capable of letting you know in a clear manner if he's interested.

And that holds true for anyone, gay or straight.

Er... that post on this topic was over two years ago...

Er.... that post on this topic was over two years ago....

Good catch... I missed that myself this time.

Need this thread locked.

Closed.