Hi there,
:rolleyes: I just joined! I'm a girl who is literally too sweet for her own good. I want people to like me and I instantly without thinking say yes when someone needs a favor or tell them I'll do something even though I know I can't. It's a sickness. It's the one thing I hate about myself, always worried about what that person thinks of me.

My question is about my work place. I don't know if I can trust anybody. I've been doubting my judgment a lot lately and I don't know who to trust anymore. I've gotten hurt or dug myself a hole too many times.

I recently gotten a job a few months back and I get along with everyone fine, I guess. I work causal when the full - time workers need some time off. Two women have gotten into some feud dealing with me for their time off. A lady that's been at the office for 13 years came to me first asking for three days off but she couldn't tell me specifically when, which I tell everyone to give me or I can't agree to it. She said she would get back to me. A second lady also came to me asking for days and overlapping the other woman's. This second lady gave me her exact days she wanted off. I than agreed to it, since the other lady didn't get back to me for a week. I take work when I can, I can't say no to one just because someone came to me first. I'm not going to wait out hoping she will get back to me soon. I need money.
Well, the first lady said she's been their longer so she gets first dibs. I was stuck so I talked to my boss and she said, the person who came to first gets the time off. Well, the first lady did come to me first but she didn't give me the exact days. So I told the boss the second lady came to me first. Was I wrong?

The two ladies are now enemies. I feel caught in the middle. I am nice to both but they have been talking to me about each other regularly. I'm sick of it. I don't want to be in this high school drama. How can I get out of it? Can anyone give me their comments on this issue. :confused: I don't believe neither are my friends but they both in their own ways pretend to be. It's a office entirely of woman, so I should have known when I started of the "drama," that would follow. One even calls my house to complain and talk about the other woman. I am too nice and I sit and listen with concern in my voice. I really want to say to her, " I don't care about your issue with so and so, so leave me out of it!" But again I'm too nice. I don't want this woman to hate me.

Please Help!

Thank you

Crista, first of all, I would not classify the way you handle things as a sickness. You just need to set guidelines for yourself. One rule of thumb for me has become, "JUST BECAUSE I CAN DO IT, DOES NOT MEAN I NEED TO BE THE ONE TO DO IT!" You sound like someone who is a caring individual but go way past the boundaries of what is healthy for you. I use to take on more jobs and such than I could handle without it cutting into my family time. I felt guilt either way. I gave up all offices I held at the time, all positions, took time to step back, prioritize and began again. I realize you need to work right now and perhaps cannot just totally back away at this time so this might not be an option at the present time.

Realize that in the work place, most people are acquaintances, not friends. There are exceptions. You can enjoy these people but they do not rule your life but can rule your emotions but only if you allow them to do so. You have choices and with someone who is sensitive, these choices are sometimes difficult.

Question: Which lady ended up getting you to fill in for them after your visit with the boss? I am a little unclear on this point.

"This second lady gave me her exact days she wanted off. I than agreed to it, since the other lady didn't get back to me for a week." One phone call to the first lady to confirm dates needed before giving your word to the second lady would have taken care of this situation. I realize this doesn't fix it now. Just stating the obvious I guess to touch all bases prior to committing to a person. That is just being responsible and safe guarding yourself. The first lady should have given you dates but I am just saying the problem could have been avoided by telling lady #2 you would get back with her in just a bit to let her know for sure. Please don't feel frustrated that I have not given you concrete suggestions for the particular situation because I trust there will be others who will soon.

Just wanted you to know someone did read your question and I do sympathize with you in this situation. I would handle the current situation by speaking to each lady in private and either saying the decision was taken out of our hands by your boss and perhaps they need to take the issue up with her if you are comfortable to tell them this. It takes it out of your court. If not, I would just tell each privately that you apologize for not being more clear on the details before giving your word and will be more careful in future. Smile when you say it and then move on. Beyond that, I better leave the rest to the "Experts" on the site. I am sure you will be given good advice. Since I have some of the same tendencies that you have, I might do more harm than good to go further. I wish you peace in your life. Perhaps we can visit later also and I can share more of the things I realize you are dealing with daily because of your wanting to please people. Keep in mind that your kind nature is a good and positive part of who you are. You just need to set your boundaries and learn (which comes from experience much of the time sadly) ways to avoid allowing business situations to become personal situations. Best to you! :)

Learn to look out for your own interest, and don't get caught in the middle. Instead of blindly going along, speak your own mind. What the heck are you giving your phone number to someone who isn't your friend for? Learn to say no, and mean it.

I took the second ladies shifts. For one their was more hours for me and she gave me the exact days.

I agree with the others, especially "JUST BECAUSE I CAN DO IT, DOES NOT MEAN I NEED TO BE THE ONE TO DO IT!"

I use to feel like I had to run for everybody when they said run. What I learned from it was:

They were never there for me when I was in need,
Most of their need was just want or greed,
If and when it was impossible for me to do for them they managed to find somebody else or another way.

Also often when I don't want to do something for somebody I will say something like I was just ready to ask you the same favor. But that might not work in your situation since you want more work.

Tell them from now on if they want time off you want it in writing with exact dates and then once you sign it and give them a copy that is what you are going with. Once it is signed if the other lady wants to overlap time she has to work it out with the other cause it isn't your responsibility.

As far as them calling you at home and complaining tell them that you can't handle it right now cause you are dealing with your home problems and would rather keep your work life at work.