I recently found myself in a situation similar to your son's. I had been on an internship in the fall of the year I graduate from college. I was 23 at the time and had been looking forward to my pending career, but was still getting the last bit of childhood out of my step. Being a student with a large amount of disposable income from my job allowed me to spend a good deal of time at the bars in my neighborhood. I had met a girl one of these nights. We did not sleep together for sometime, nor were we dating.

We would run into each other at the bar and have a few drinks, then go our separate ways. One night we were discussing the likelihood of sex-purely physical, non-committed and not often. She agreed. One of the benefits we decided is that we were both healthy (STD Free) and she had her ovaries removed when she was younger from a tumor or cancer surgery. (She was 29 years old) I took her word for it and we had unprotected sex four or five times. The last time came the week before I left to go back to school.

I hadn't called her after that, and didn't plan on it. I later met a girl (about 1 week) and fell head over heels for her. She was a companion that made life speak beautifully to me. However, two months later the mother calls me with the news of pregnancy. I immediately told my girlfriend out of respect for her, and she chose to stay to help me. To the mother, I said that I would help financially, but would not base any of my future decisions on her or the child, since she had always wanted children but thought she couldn't have them, the child was a blessing for her and an unlikely gift from me.

I have gone through the court system giving her a fair amount for child support (I make seven times more than her a month, with that amount only increasing as I gain experience), so I plan on seeing the Child's financial stability is set. However, I will be moving for this job and my girlfriend and I will be starting a family of our own in 5 or 6 years after we have our lives (loan debts) settled. I think the child is beautiful, but I feel no love towards him.

It hasn't been helped because the mother keeps trying to wedge herself between my girlfriend and I, saying things like "she is naive" and "she should do the right thing, because she (the mother) carried my seed, and that means more than she does to me" I have told her repeatedly that I will not be near where she lives, nor will I ever be with her romantically (for lack of a better term, she was a booty call), I know that I had made some poor decisions.

Currently, I am contemplating my future role as a father for this child. As I said, financially he will be set, college and all, but without me as an active role (nearly no role) in his life. I will be moving often to keep pace with my career and my girlfriend's (I could call her my fiancée by the time I get done writing this) desires and ambitions.

What are the thoughts of the public? How do I deal with this woman and how can I change my view that this child was the result of a lie and subdue my resentment (he doesn't deserve any) I feel whenever I see him?

Your situation speaks to me perfectly. I have dated the same man off and on for four or five years. In 05 we broke up and he slept with another girl. One time. On the way out of the country. Definitely a booty call. A few months later she says she's pregnant. He's out of the country until dec. 05. She's still pregnant. He leaves again until dec 06. We are back together. We both come home for two weeks. She tells him that he can not be with me and see his child (he was not on the birth certificate.) we get married. **insert cocky grin** a year later, she wants nothing to do with me, we live 800 miles away. When we go home, he visits the child. He sends money when ever she'll take it. The best way you can deal with this woman is show her your not going to take her crap. Let her know that you are with the new girl and that it's going to stay that way. Put a ring on the girl's finger. Let the new girl know this too. She may be full of doubt. She knows you love her but she knows this other girl has your child. That is a pretty strong pull. And don't resent this child. He is something you made. A piece of you. Yeah he was made by her too, but the part that is her is not why he's yours. Look at the part that is you when you focus on your child. And cut down the communication with her. Let her know that you will not talk to her unless it is directly related to your child. Don't act like her friend so that she has nothing to build on. Don't go to see you child without your new girl. And a piece of advice, don't visit the child at the mother's house. If your paying child support you should have visitation. Use it. One day that kid's going to know enough to know you didn't try that hard. However, if you don't think you can deal with the resentment, back out of the kids life. Is it better to have a dad around who hates you for existing or to have a dad who's just a man who writes letters and sends birthday presents?

Well, as you can probably expect I think that unprotected sex is like playing Russian roulette with a revolver that has 6 bullets in the cylinder. Lecture over. Coming from a single parent home I can tell you for a fact that money does not make up for the loss of a parent to the child. My personal feelings are that you should make EVERY effort to be a part of this child's life on an ongoing basis. 20 years down the road you might be thankful that you made this decision if you can watch him grow to a responsible young man.

First off, what was your decision when the mother called you with the news? Were you willing to give the rearing of this child a shot? What exactly went through your head? I ask this because a lot of times, people do not realize the immense responsibility you take on when you make that choice to bring children into this world. How did you think you were going to pull it off? You mentioned that you and your girlfriend would be moving to keep up the pace of you and your gf's career goals and ambitions, Did you think about this in the very beginning? If so, then I guess I am puzzled why you would even continued to maintain communication with the women instead of swearing off your rights from the time she called you. How did your girlfriend feel about that and what was she agreeing to help you out with?
From what I gather, if you didn't care about the conception of the child to begin with, why would you even consider being a father that doesn't care? How will that affect his growing up. Especially if you plan on having a family with your current girlfriend? Kids require all your attention and love, unfortunately there have been a lot of children that have been jipped in this world. Think about if you were the child... Would you like it if you only got to see your father every once in a while, and when you did you felt unwanted, or would you rather live your life wondering if your dad ever loved you?

Here's another question... how old is the child? If he young enough (under 1 year) he won't realize that his father wasn't there to begin with (ie:sperm banks, etc) However, the real psychological problem will stem from the mother if she has any resentment in your decision. Hopefully you think of the psychological consequences of the child growing up in both categories (with or without a dad) perhaps that will be a better means of determining your decision.