I am in a marriage in which I am not attracted to my husband. Although I have stuck it out for 7 years, I have hit my breaking point. I have talked to a counselor, friends, and family, and they agree it is best to leave. Although my husband is aware that I am not attracted to him, he is unaware that I am looking at leaving. I want to be prepared for the big day, as we have two children, and I want this to be as smooth as possible for them. My biggest concern right now--we cannot afford to keep our truck and camper, so how do I go about getting rid of those payments? Also, we have no equity in our house, so how do I go about selling it?

Hmm. Your asking the wrong questions. If YOU are leaving him and he has done nothing wrong. He has worked with you on all this and you simply leave him, you will probably lose everything. If he is not a danger to your kids and can prvide for them he may even get them. But he will not pay you alimony. You will probably not be able to sell the house because he will have it. And you are just a cruel human being for trying to do so. So the man's ugly? That don't mean leave him and get rid of everything he owns. Just because you aren't attracted to him, you want to get rid of his behicle, his house and take his kids away? What about him? Your talking about making this as smooth as possible for your kids! What about when they see daddy drunk in some fleabag motel because mommy thinks he's fat or whatever. I agree with you leaving him because if you are not attracted to him it simply won't work. But leave the man some kind of dignity.

"hi, my name is bob. i'm an alcoholic. my wife wouldn't sleep with me for five years, then she left me. she took my kids. my house. my truck. now all i go left is scruffy **hugs a stuffed dog to his chest** watch scruffy roll over."

I'm really trying to not be mean, but honestly! If you are leaving him, don't expect to take anything with you unless he gives it, and if he does, he deserves a lot worse than what I am saying to you.

If you are leaving, the best and ONLY way to make this go smoothly is to tell your husband then children.

Honestly, dealing with your truck and camper should be the least of your concerns. :(

Have you considered therapy first... for yourself not really for him? 7 years and babies make this situation a lot more "heartbreaking" than other cases, especially cause he has done nothing to deserve this. At least nothing that you have said! Good luck!

Just help me understand, what HE has done to bring you to this point?

Wow, you "stuck it out for 7 years" and have two kids I assume under 6. Do you know what causes children? If you did not love him, why in the world did you have TWO children with him? There is something deeper going on here than you are letting on. What is the real problem? How old are you? I sort of get the impression you are 27-28 and are feeling that you got cheated?

I have the feeling you were not that involved in the marriage to begin with - your words "stuck it out for 7 years." Why marry the guy in the first place?
You are worried about what you get out of this? You should get what is your rightful half, nothing more.

You say you have talked to a counselor - did you AND your husband go together as a couple? Most judges will require marital counseling in the process of separation. Some judges will not issue a divorce until at least a year of legal separation, during which no property may be disposed of.

You need to be honest with your husband. Which is something you are not right now. Talk to a divorce attorney. It is not as simple as YOU disposing of the property and vehicles. Are those items in both your names?

I did marry my husband and have children with him because he was a good man and I thought that I could get over the fact that I was not attracted to him. However, it is VERY difficult to be intimate with someone when those feelings of intimacy are not there. My intent is not to take everything away from him (even if it sounded that way). In fact, it is just the opposite: Neither one of us can make the house payments without the other, so I want to be sure we can sell the house and not get stuck with two payments. I want to make sure that he is able to afford to keep the truck and camper. I am leaving everything to him (ie. furniture, etc.) and starting over. Finally, I will not take his kids away--he is their father. I have talked with a counselor. Her advise was to tell him the truth ASAP. However, I felt it was awful to bring this up before the holidays. Not sure if that is the right thing to do, but is there ever going to be a good time?! I know I am going to be the bad guy here, but I just want everyone to know that I am tired of hurting my husband. He deserves someone who can give him what he needs in return--I am not that person!! I myself am pushing 40--I deserve to be happy (not content) as well! [/QUOTE]

Yes, be honest with him. NOW. Waiting till over the holidays seems like pity. He will resent that fact. Sit down and have the most honest discussion you have ever had with him. If you two can settle matters between you, that does work for the better, when it comes to attorneys. Maybe you two can put the house up for sale and the vehicles too, take care of the debt, and go forward.

He does deserve this much and more. You want to be happy. Do the right thing for both of you and for your children. When you two talk to your children about this, hope you have a united front and what is going to happen. Perhaps a marriage counselor can help in that area. He will get child support or he should get child support. He better ask for it - his attorney certainly will.

You have your mind made up so I feel bad for you and your husband. Are you really so shallow that you would leave over physical appearance? Or is it that you are faulting him for the financial situations that the both of you are in? Jeesh I think you are a real nasty and self centered person... "cant have it all so I'm going to bail out and get rid of all responsibility..." Your counselor doesn't give a crap about your life sweety so who gives a crap about their opinion... they evidently agreed with you because it seems as if you have already made up your mind... you pay them so they are naturally going to try to help you find piece with your decision.

If you were being a woman worth anything, you would reallize that you don't need the money... or the stress that you have with all of the bills... so what if you have to go bankrupt, but get out from under the debt some other way than by divorce... I'll bet your opinion of him would be a lot different without all the financial stuff in the picture.

Try to think about other people besides what is easiest for you. There are other ways around problems other than divorce and using the excuse that he deserves more than you want to give... that is just BS to help you make yourself feel better.

I did marry my husband and have children with him because he was a good man and I thought that I could get over the fact that I was not attracted to him. However, it is VERY difficult to be intimate with someone when those feelings of intimacy are not there. My intent is not to take everything away from him (even if it sounded that way). In fact, it is just the opposite: Neither one of us can make the house payments without the other, so I want to be sure we can sell the house and not get stuck with two payments. I want to make sure that he is able to afford to keep the truck and camper. I am leaving everything to him (ie., furniture, etc.) and starting over. Finally, I will not take his kids away--he is their father. I have talked with a counselor. Her advise was to tell him the truth ASAP. However, I felt it was awful to bring this up before the holidays. Not sure if that is the right thing to do, but is there ever going to be a good time??!! I know I am going to be the bad guy here, but I just want everyone to know that I am tired of hurting my husband. He deserves someone who can give him what he needs in return--I am not that person!!! I myself am pushing 40--I deserve to be happy (not content) as well!![/QUOTE]
If you have your mind made up, I think it would be really nice ifyou could wait till after the holidays! Please! Good luck!

I would love to hear the other side of this story. The only thing you left out in this whole thing is how devastated he will be and the kids adjusting to a broken home. Do you see those realities, or care. Not to jump to hard on you but I think you should just leave, and let them fend for themselves and do as they want, because you made a mistake once, so now without discussion, your making another decision based on your own feelings, for their own good. How noble and much crap, as without your husbands input, you have no right to decide how he lives and with what. Your doing him a favor? Let him decide that. Tell him ASAP what your planning, so he can decide what he wants, not what you have decided for him.

Kind of controlling too don't you think? Figure out how to let go of that, and you might be happier!

Try to make myself feel better--I feel extremely guilty about how I feel. I am not solely leaving him based on his physical appearance. There is more to physical appearance than just how you look, its how you take care of yourself as well (bet every woman would envy someone who does not brush their teeth, take showers, wash hands after going to the bathroom, pick nose). Sorry--if you find that attractive--than I am guilty of leaving over physical appearance. As far as leaving because of financial strains--I make more money than he does. I just wanted to make sure we both were financially secure and were able to keep as much of our peronsal assets--if that is selfish--than once again I am guilty. I have been honest in the fact that I have told him I am not attracted to him. My fault is that I am not being honest about leaving. I am not bailing out because of the things you mentioned--if that were the case, I would have left a long time ago. I stayed for the sake of him and the kids, as I know they would be devastated. I am not getting any younger and for once in my life--I am going to be selfish and think of myself!! Thanks for all your input though...

I still think you should wait till after the holidays, it is only two weeks away, if you waited 7 years, 2 weeks aren't going to seem that bad. I can see you are ready and your mind is made up sweet. Take care of the babies best you can!

I can understand that those things are not pleasant, but I doubt that he was different before you had the children. He probably considers other things more important based on his upbringing. Sounds like he may have grown up in a poor family or at least one in which those things were not what the value of a person was based on.

If those things are so important to you, make them fun for him. He honestly might not think of them on his own, or he may be just too lazy or thinking and believing that it doesn't matter... You may feel that you shouldn't have to oversee him in these things, but I would think that if you lay down the law that it is going to be done, that you want your kids to do it, and expect him to set a good example for them, that he will eventually do it. You have to reward him for it constantly, and it might take awhile. He didn't learn the habits quickly, and it might take a while for him to change... not just because you tell him a few times...
You might find that he will seriously try if he knows that you are at the point of leaving, but don't expect him not to slip back into the old ways unless you keep after him about it. You might have to keep reminding him and stressing how important it is to you. I know it might seem like he doesn't want to change, but I believe that he will if you go after it and perhaps even get him into counseling with you to explore how he developed his habits as well as the importance of changing them.

I see a relationship with no communication in it at all. Maybe 7 years of not bonding, and working together is enough. Maybe your right, and need to set him free. I still can't see how you married a guy who didn't bath or brush his teeth, but we all are different. Good luck to all of you.

I did marry my husband and have children with him because he was a good man and I thought that I could get over the fact that I was not attracted to him. However, it is VERY difficult to be intimate with someone when those feelings of intimacy are not there. My intent is not to take everything away from him (even if it sounded that way). In fact, it is just the opposite: Neither one of us can make the house payments without the other, so I want to be sure we can sell the house and not get stuck with two payments. I want to make sure that he is able to afford to keep the truck and camper. I am leaving everything to him (ie. furniture, etc.) and starting over. Finally, I will not take his kids away--he is their father. I have talked with a counselor. Her advise was to tell him the truth ASAP. However, I felt it was awful to bring this up before the holidays. Not sure if that is the right thing to do, but is there ever going to be a good time?! I know I am going to be the bad guy here, but I just want everyone to know that I am tired of hurting my husband. He deserves someone who can give him what he needs in return--I am not that person!! I myself am pushing 40--I deserve to be happy (not content) as well!

Don't worry about anything (bills, material objects, etc) until you talk to him. This is one more thing you two will have to work out together once the process of divorce begins. You can't really predict how he'll react anyway... you might divide/sell things amicably, you might have to get a lawyer to mediate. No sense it worrying about that now.

Tell before the holidays? Only you can decide.
It will never be the "right" time to tell him you're leaving, so you have to decide for your family. Will it hurt more to hear it NOW or to hear it later and realize that there was a black cloud hanging over your head the entire time? As for that, in time he'll realize that black cloud was hanging over his marriage long before the holidays of 2007.

Though he may react harshly, do try to be kind.

First of all being a grandmother raising 2 grandbabies from a broken home I see things differently then some. My grandkids do miss their parents very badly, ( not so much the 2 yr old he doesn’t really know who they are) but listening to the oldest one who is 8 recall the tension and signs of trouble in the relationship is enough for me to say end it now. Depending on the children’s age, don’t you think they know mommy and daddy don't hug, kiss or show affection like other parents they see? This is just my 2 cents for whatever it is worth to you, I just can't understand why you even married him, I saw some not so nice things about my husband of almost 3 years, but you know what, there were probably some not so nice things I did subconsciously that he saw. We are all human and I have to wonder if this isn't just the excuse you chose to use, (his hygiene issues) something in my gut tells me that there is someone else. I might be wrong, but you never once have mentioned that you talked to him about his hygiene issues. My friend was somewhat like your husband and I would continue to call her on it, make jokes to her about her breath, or coming out of her bathroom and telling her the bathtub said it missed her, maybe she needed to visit it more often. After about 6 months of me calling her out she is now MS Clean ;) I know your mind is made up, but take it from me, your kids are going to suffer, your husband will suffer as well, and all over the fact he needs some help in the hygiene department? Seems to me something else is really the problem, I mean after all you must have been intimate at least 2 times that we know of. When you told him you were not attracted to him did you ever state why? How old is he? If you think the grass is greener on the other side, YOU ARE IN FOR A RUDE AWAKENING! Good luck ion whatever you do, but be HONEST as to the reason why, and I find that thinking of yourself first is very very selfish, and not something a mother with children should ever say. You think I want to be 47 yrs old raising 2 little kids? You damn right I don't, but taking them into my home was the most UNSELFISH thing I could have done for them.

Your are right--I am not being honest with myself. When it comes down to it, he is more my "best friend" than my "husband". I do love him, but I am not in love with him. His personal hygiene has been brought to his attention many times throughout the course of our years together, and although it gets better for a time, old habits are hard to break. I am 6 years older than him (he is 33), and sometimes I feel as though I am his mother--he already has one of those! I got pregnant after being with him for only three months and thought at that time that I could overlook my intimacy issues, as I new that physical appearance was not as important as every thing else that we had in common Thus, that is why I have been with him for this long. However, being touched when you don't want to be touched is an aweful feeling (past experience) and it is getting to be too uncomfortable for me. He knows I do not want to me intimate, but he pursues until I finally give in. Selfish?? My kids are ages 6 and 5--right now, they see that we are happy, as we do not fight and we do give hugs and kisses. However, staying with him and giving my kids the wrong impression of love is very selfish of me--do I want my kids to settle at love when they get older? HELL NO!! The grass probably isn't greener on the other side, but staying in dead grass isn't fun either--it hurts!! I have feelings as well. If I was only thinking of myself, I wouldn't be on this website asking for advise!!

Try to make myself feel better--I feel extremely guilty about how I feel. I am not soley leaving him based on his physical appearance. There is more to physical appearance than just how you look, its how you take care of yourself as well (bet every woman would envy someone who does not brush their teeth, take showers, wash hands after going to the bathroom, pick nose). Sorry--if you find that attractive--than I am guilty of leaving over physical appearance. As far as leaving because of financial strains--I make more money than he does. I just wanted to make sure we both were financially secure and were able to keep as much of our peronsal assets--if that is selfish--than once again I am guilty. I have been honest in the fact that I have told him I am not attracted to him. My fault is that I am not being honest about leaving. I am not bailing out because of the things you mentioned--if that were the case, I would have left a long time ago. I stayed for the sake of him and the kids, as I know they would be devasted. I am not getting any younger and for once in my life--I am going to be selfish and think of myself!!! Thanks for all your input though...

Where did I misread the fact you are thinking of yourself and being selfish? Wasn't trying to put you on the defensive, just stating actual facts and whatever you gain or don't gain from what I said is not up to me. The feeling like his mother probably stems from the fact you are not in love with him. I did notice that you never denied there not being anyone else. I am not here to upset you, only offer you my thoughts, sorry if they bothered you, but in my position (rasing my grandbabies) it bothers me to see 2 more little children that apparently were conceived out of lust and not love and they are the ones that will pay the highest price here. Good Luck and God Bless

I misunderstood when you were talking about being selfish and I apologize as well. I guess I sent out the wrong message when I said I wanted to leave because of his physical appearance when actually it does stem deeper than that. I don't think I ever really was in love with him. I thought that over a period I would grow to fall in love with him, and, unfortunately, that never happened. My children were not conceived out of lust (that was never there for me) but more for the fact that I desperately wanted children. Perhaps when he got me pregnant (was told I couldn't have them by a doctor), it was God's way of telling me this was the one so I went with it. I am learning as I get older that what we think is sometimes best for everyone only ends up hurting everyone in the end. I am going to do my best to keep peace with my husband and make sure our children continue to receive our love and affection. Although I have intimacy issues with my husband, I have not strayed outside of our relationship.

Such a good girl, I wonder if you think your poo doesn't stink? You've got it all figured out in your own mind, and have yourself convinced that you are perfectly right and justified in your intention. If the grass is dead, then you are the one killing it. You could just as easily replant new seed. Guess you've gotten what you wanted as far as the kids, so now it's time to get rid of that which is no longer useful.

Still seems to me that you have control issues and are manipulative as well, to the point of trying to make your plans (and therefore yourself) seem good to people on here. Were you raised to be such a perfect little girl and have the perfect image in life that you have followed that philosophy your entire life?

You should also look into your own attachment issues... such as how you were treated as a child, the expectations of your father for you, and how you got the little princess syndrome.

I just have to know if you and your husband ever really talked, as I find it hard to believe that he has no clue something was not right.

I just have to know if you and your husband ever really talked, as I find it hard to believe that he has no clue something was not right.


I think she is very good at giving the image that everything is right with her. So I'm not surprised that her husband doesn't know. I have to wonder if she even told him the real reason for the counseling... probably said it was so that she could work on her depression or something, if she told him at all.

I think people here are being quite judgemental and jumping to a lot of conclusions that I simply don't get based on what you have told us.

Here is what you have said: 7 years ago, you got pregnant after seeing a man for a few months. You weren't "in love" with him, but had a lot in common and knew he was a good person. You had previously been told you couldn't have children, so this pregnancy was seen as a sort of sign that this was meant to be. You married him knowing you weren't in love with him, but hoped those feelings would develop in time. Your second child is only a year younger than the first, so obviously you had 2 children born in a short period. Over time, however, you have not developed feelings of love and passion as you'd hoped, and now your marriage is really more of a friendship relationship than the way a marriage should be. Your husband has some hygiene issues, yes, but the bottom line is that you have no romantic feelings for him. You are both in their 30s, which is an awfully young age to settle for a marriage without romantic love. You have talked to your husband about hygiene issues as well as been honest with him and told him you are not attracted to him- this tells me you have pretty good communication as I can't imagine a harder thing to tell my husband than "I'm not at all physically attracted to you".

You have chosen to wait until after the holidays out of respect for your husband and your children, so as it not ruin the holidays with memories of sadness. Your concerns are that your children are able to adjust to a divorce as easily as possible, and that you can work out something financially so that your husband can keep some of his "toys", and also that your children can still enjoy going camping with their father.
Is this a fair summary?

Many of the responders have called you selfish, or a ""princess." but based on what you have told us, I don't see why they think that. You are not in love with your husband, you never have been, and you never will be. If you'd known 7 years ago that there was no way you'd ever love him, I'm sure you wouldn't have married him, but would have raised your child as 2 single parents. But no one knows the future, and at the time you hoped things would grow. After 7 years, though, you realize that it didn't happen. You are not just uninterested in being intimate, you are actually repulsed at the idea. "Giving in" because he keeps pressuring you is not a healthy sex life for either one of you.

Everyone seems to think you are cruel to your husband, but what I don't understand is why he still wants to be with someone who has told him point blank they aren't attracted to him. Maybe he's not been in many relationships, or maybe he's never been in a healthy relationship, because he should not want to settle for this either. You are both still young, and I think you will each find the person who is truly right for you. And when your husband finds a woman who is truly in love with him, I think he will realize all that was missing from your marriage and he will be glad you understood and had the courage to end it.

As for the financial side of things... well, unfortunately, when you take a family and divide it into 2 separate households, some of the extras in life have to be sacrificed. 2 mortgages/rents, 2 electric bills, 2 phone bills, etc... it adds up. I hope you can find a way that your husband can hang on to his toys, because to lose all of his "things' will only add to his sense of loss, and to that of your children as well. It might not happen though, but I think this is the sort of thing to be discussed together once he knows you are leaving and he can help you plan the best transition for your family.

I suppose that is the rubber stamp of everything she wants the world to think about the situation. Always nice if you get others to see things the way you want them to, so you don't have to look any deeper at yourself.

I suppose that is the rubber stamp of everything she wants the world to think about the situation. Always nice if you get others to see things the way you want them to, so you don't have to look any deeper at yourself.

I am not sure why you are so hostile towards her.

You call her a "princess" and claim she thinks her poo doesn't stink?

What is your answer? She should stay in a marriage in which she is not in love with her husband? In which his touch repulses her? How is that fair to her husband? How is that fair to herself?

Relationships are there for us to grow and learn from. Nothing lasts forever, and when something is done, it's done. If guilt is coming through for you, it might help to look at what each of your tendencies are, and how each of those plays upon the other. Often times people are put in our lives for very specific reasons. It is our choice to turn it into a marriage and babies, which is wonderful if this is what we have chosen. Even if this is the case, it doesn't mean we need to stay in a situation that isn't serving us any longer. If something is at the point of being no longer serving, then there is no point in continuing simply out of ego or fear.

I believe she came here looking for opinions that do not necessarily mimick her own. It would be nice if she looks deeper into her issues as I have also stated in previous posts. Simply voicing support for her and telling her why she is doing the right thing (which I don't believe) is not conducive toward helping her work through the underlying causes that got her to this point in the first place. It would only serve to help her move into perhaps another unsatifactory relationship, whitewash the real issues in her life, and possibly hurt her husband tremendously at the same time. I am not making judgements about fairness, ego, or fear. I don't happen to buy into the throw away anything you want mentality instead of trying to find a way to make something meaningful out of what others view as trash. Perhaps it takes more work, but life isn't always easy if you want the best results.

I believe she came here looking for opinions that do not necessarily mimick her own. It would be nice if she looks deeper into her issues as I have also stated in previous posts. Simply voicing support for her and telling her why she is doing the right thing (which I don't believe) is not conducive toward helping her work through the underlying causes that got her to this point in the first place. It would only serve to help her move into perhaps another unsatifactory relationship, whitewash the real issues in her life, and possibly hurt her husband tremendously at the same time. I am not making judgements about fairness, ego, or fear. I don't happen to buy into the throw away anything you want mentality instead of trying to find a way to make something meaningful out of what others view as trash. Perhaps it takes more work, but life isn't always easy if you want the best results.

Now this post gets your point across without coming off as snide, condescending and rude to her. Your opinion is much better stated without the inflammatory words of previous posts.

The truck, camper, and house payments are not big obstacles; you all can either sell, surrender to the lien holder, or file Chapter 7 (or Chapter 13). The separation is what you are asking about, because you are in a relationship in which you do not love your husband. Speak to your counselor about this; you know what you want, you need assistance in getting there. And who knows: you may get to the other side of the mountain, not like what you see, and go back. Good luck.

now this post gets your point across without coming off as snide, condescending and rude to her. Your opinion is much better stated without the inflammatory words of previous posts.
I understand how my comments were viewed as you have stated, but I did them for reasons. I want to make a strong impact and get through her current belief system so that she will take the actions I have suggested. If my words prompt her to openly examine herself, then she will be rewarded for my words. If she shuts me out as too harsh, then she will continue on her way dismissing any objectionable feedback given.
I believe you have also slightly misquoted me.


You call her a "princess" and claim she thinks her poo doesn't stink?

My actual words were more of a question…

I wonder if you think your poo doesn't stink? ....
You should also look into your own attachment issues... and how you got the little princess syndrome.
There is a difference between name calling and believing that someone is afflicted with something.

Every one thinks when there is a problem in a marriage, the solution is get rid of the marriage, and get another one. The bigger the problem, the more work there is to do. Throwing everything away after so much time,(and kids) is the easy way out, especially in light of the reasons given. I still think there is more to this story than we know, and something has happened that the OP hasn't made us aware of. I think this could explain the high divorce rate, no one wants to work hard for what they want, or don't know how to work. Or they don't know what they want. There hasn't been a lot of imput from the OP, either.

I can't believe that there is someone else that wants the easy way out instead of finding a way to stick with it. I can understand you wanting to leave your husband if he was abusive to your and or your children or was cheating on you, but just because you are not attractive to him anymore. Have you ever thought about sitting down with your husband to talk to him? Some of today's problem is that there is that big lack of communication between spouses ove the years. For the sake of your children and your relationship, maybe sit down with him and talk about what the both of you can do to spice up the relationship. What would it hurt? It would not hurt anymore then it does now, so give it a try. I am by no means a marriage counselor but have gone through a divorce (my ex-wife's idear) with two kids and married again. If is not all the bad, can't you wait it out until your kids are of adult age before the split, then they would have go through resentment or counseling themselves. Some times we just think of ourselves and not those that we hurt by our actions. Find out what your husband thinks as well and if he agrees then sit down and talk it with your children. Another thought is rent a x-rated movie and see if that does not spice up your relationship.:eek: Good Luck!

I am in a marriage in which I am not attracted to my husband. Although I have stuck it out for 7 years, I have hit my breaking point. I have talked to a counselor, friends, and family, and they agree it is best to leave. Although my husband is aware that I am not attracted to him, he is unaware that I am looking at leaving. I want to be prepared for the big day, as we have two children, and I want this to be as smooth as possible for them. My biggest concern right now--we cannot afford to keep our truck and camper, so how do I go about getting rid of those payments?? Also, we have no equity in our house, so how do I go about selling it?
I have not been in love with my husband for 25 years... we have been married for 27... my youngest child is now 16.. and I am going to leave him after the 1st of the year... He knows something is up... but does not know what.

Both my children know I am not happy, and want to leave him... He really is a wonderful person... He did make the mistake of cheating on me 15 years ago which I forgave him for.

However my cold fish attitude( which I wish I did not have) I feel will just make him look elsewhere again... So I really feel it is only fair for me to leave him... and let him find true love...

I say... if you are not happy after 7 years of marriage... Your doing the guy a favor by leaving him... Let him find someone who can really appreciate him.

We all make mistakes, as I did too... Why make him feel flustrated, and waste more of his life in a loveless marriage.

I'm sad to hear that your marriage is ending. If you are absolutely sure that counseling won't help and feel that you have exhausted every option to save the marriage, then do be honest with him. I would tell him now, but perhaps not tell the kids until after Christmas. It's only a few days away, no need to ruin it for the kids now. When you and your husband are absolutely sure that divorce is inevitable, then you'll have to sit them down and explain that each of you love them very much, but you are going to live separately.

An attorney could probably help answer questions about the process. Perhaps talking to a financial advisor might be a good idea also. You can sell the vehicles and get them partly paid off at least. Good luck to you.

You make it sound as if your doing him a favor, but I sure would like to hear the other side of this story.

Attraction is a whole area of study by itself. Do read more about "creating attraction" online.
Attraction need not always be there for a marriage to work. If we are all the time attracted to our partners, we would probably not be human.

Love has different faces. It also has different phases. From the initial butterflies in the stomach to the mundane monotonous daily routines. Im sure you have reached this last stage. It is called CONNECTION and COMMITMENT. It is still love! You just have to realise this, please...

Old couples will tell you that they do not feel passionate attraction, but they do feel committed attraction. When it is that long into a marriage, thoughts of leaving will occur. Please note that the crucial times to ask for quits in a marriage is in the 3rd year, 7th year, and 14th year. This is backed by scientific evidence. You are in the 7th year, so please do not act rashly.

Ur children deserves your patience too. Give it a try...

"I am not attracted to my husband. Although I have stuck it out for 7 years, I have hit my breaking point."

That says it all, right there. Time to end this one, in as civil a manner as possible.

I agree with mrsstevens...
The most you might want to get your hopes up for is a choice between
... truck or camper?

I can understand the 'you find him repulsive' yet he isn't ugly.
You need to look deeper and pin point exactly why it is YOU FEEL this way.

Ask yourself is it you? Your attitude? Are you miserable with yourself or your life and taking it out on him?

Is it little ways he has about him and his personality? Is there something about him that you feel is embarrassing to you?

After you soul search and figure out all angles of what makes you feel this way work on yourself where it is you.
Where it is him try to find a way to discuss what the issues are in a way that he feels you are trying to work things out rather than belittle him. For example, say you realize he does things that make you feel embarrassed try telling him something like I think I would feel closer to you but it makes me feel (strange, odd, uncomfortable... ) when you...

Use a lot of I's more than you so he doesn't feel as criticized by your feelings.

Also try emphasizing and reinforcing the positive things about him and it should help your frame of mind.
Try thinking of an ideal relationship with him and how you would go about achieving it.

Also if you leave him, even if you are able to get joint custody your kids could VERY likely resent you and favor him.

Well, if you think your life is going to be peachy after divorce, you have another thing coming. A friend of mine divorced his wife because she cheated and they have small kids. He has often talked about how he hates his life because his kids feel so torn all of the time. They desperately try to get mommy and daddy back together because they don't know why they aren't... they can't... they wouldn't be able to comprehend it. Think of your kids and stop being selfish. How would you feel as a kid if your parents got divorced because mommy thought daddy was ugly. When you love someone, the superficial things don't matter. Why don't you love this man?

Wow... your leaving your husband because your not attracted to him... well hate to be the one to break this to you sport, but people don't stay beautiful forever. Maybe you should have thought about these things before you married him and had 2 kids... now you want it to go as smoothly as possible for the kids- and yet your talking about the camper
You are so superfishal and self centered its not even funny... seriously get your act together

I really think you should think about what you are doing because beauty is skin deep and your husband must really love you to not leave you first knowing that you are not attracted to him anymore.Ask yourself would a more attractive man love you as he does love your kids as he does,maybe but maybe not but are you willing to risk your kids future sleeping with a hunk and him not loving you because he loves himself more.

I am in a marriage in which I am not attracted to my husband. Although I have stuck it out for 7 years, I have hit my breaking point. I have talked to a counselor, friends, and family, and they agree it is best to leave. Although my husband is aware that I am not attracted to him, he is unaware that I am looking at leaving. I want to be prepared for the big day, as we have two children, and I want this to be as smooth as possible for them. My biggest concern right now--we cannot afford to keep our truck and camper, so how do I go about getting rid of those payments?? Also, we have no equity in our house, so how do I go about selling it?
This is tough for anyone. But, I listen to Dr. Laura. Try it, she's good. What is it that makes you feel this way? Is there anything he can do to make you more attracted to him? Are you sure you're not just making an excuse and it's really because of something else? I mean, 7 years is a long time to all the sudden just be unattracted to someone. Sometimes people aren't that attractive on the outside, but it's what the do on the inside that turns a person on. Does he provide for you and your children? Does he make you smile? Is he a good father? Would he ever lie to you? Would he cheat? If you found yourself saying yes, yes, yes... then you've got a keeper. Sorry, but there are just too many jerks out there and if it's just the physical part of him that's making you leave, that's sad. Some of the more attractive fellas are bigger problems. Ask yourself the more important questions like I listed and listen to your head... some times your heart tells you different. Your head is what will lead you in the right direction and then the heart follows. You'd be amazed.