midwyfe
Dec 10, 2007, 01:31 PM
I have a really hideous issue. 10 years ago, my father died and left my mother in a house with over 100,000 worth of liens on it. It was also in great disrepair. I gave up my apartment and moved in with her and retained a lawyer. It took a year and a half, but he was able to negotiate with the IRS and get the liens removed. He arranged a new purchase of the house at it's then assesed value (180,000). I stepped up as a purchaser with my mother because I was the only one of her children who had the income and flexibility to do so.
I have a brother who is very difficult to deal with. He is slovenly and dirty. He is intrusive and embarrassing. He has quite a few unaddressed mental problems. He has asperger's syndrome and my parents have always been very protective and jumped in to "save" him. He has never gotten the care and intervention that he has needed because my parents have sheltered him and excused him his whole life. He was labeled many things whilst growing up ("retarded" "autistic" "eccentric") and spent his school days in special classes. He has never lived on his own. He should have been out on his own long ago. My parents have soft cushioned everything for him. As a result, he acts very manipulative and entitled.
I married 4 years ago and also had a child. My husband is an immigrant. He gave up his family, friends and a very good job to come here. He earned a Masters in Engineering here and just recently landed a very nice job as an engineer. We both make 6 figure incomes. I am in healthcare. I say my brother has asperger's syndrome, because as per the diagnostic manual, he has every single symptom. He has never however, been formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Aspergers syndrome did not exist as a diagnosis until about 12 years ago.
Over the 2 years, and really over the almost decade since I bought the house with my mom, I have done many improvements. My husband has also done a phenomenal amount of improvements. The kitchen is new, the roof... he has renovated almost all the rooms in the house and landscaped the yard and made it very wonderful. The eyesore is my brother's room. There is unimaginable filth in there that I am too embarrassed to speak of. It is flat out a health hazard. He does not give a rat's krap about the house at all and makes no effort to help, and makes no effort to help with cleaning or work about the house. He makes no investments in the furniture or anything in the house, and is so careless and clumsy, he has damaged and broken several things. My husband and I have not only worked like slaves to improve the house, we have spent thousands of dollars doing so. My mother has a huge blind spot when it comes to my brother and pretty much looks the other way. She covers up a lot of what he does too. She flushes and cleans the toilet after him often times because he can't do it correctly.
My husband and I are just about at the end of our tether. My husband is ready to leave me.
Right after my child was born 3 years ago, I was on disability for 8 weeks and did not have full pay. My husband bought me a ticket to spend my maternity leave and Christmas with him. He helped me with my bills as well. I could not come up with my share of the mortgage for 2 months (I pay 80% of the mortgage, and have always paid if not all of it, then most of it. I also handle most of the huge bills, such as phone and electricity and I buy food for my family and my mother).
The house went into preforclosure. Whilst I was out of the country, we refinanced to try to make things right. I was not there and had to give my brother power of attorney (which I have since revoked). My credit had taken a serious hit, so my mother hastilly suggested that my brother own the house with us, and the mortgage was refinanced in his and my mother's name. When my husband moved over, we wrested with my mother and managed to get the title changed back to just her and me as owners, but the mortgage is still in her name and my brother's.
My husband and I have made it clear that we want him out of here. My mother and brother have given a song and dance for a year now that my brother is waiting on a raise from work so he can "afford" to move out. He has worked at the same job in immigration for 20 years. We keep hearing the same thing over and over, that the raise is coming and that he is looking for another place. Meanwhile, he spends time on eBay and buys junk that clutters the house. He gets 20 to 30 packages a week. He also took an expensive holiday to LA on his tax return. The bulk of the money came from the interest paid on the mortgage that is in his name that I pay 80 % of.
Is there a way that my husband and I can get him evicted from our home? If we refinance and get the loan in our name, can we evict him? Because my mother owns half the house, can she stop us? We had the title changed and wanted to have it with "right of survivorship", however, my mother got the lawyer to put "tenants in common" and acted very naïve and said she thought that this was "what we all wanted".
She will stop at nothing to protect him... even at the expense of me.. who supports her lifestyle. She was also extraordinarily ill recently, spending a month in hospital and having serious surgery. I recognized that she was sick and it was my husband and I who rushed her to hospital (my brother does not drive). I visted her every night that month and worked full time and cared for my child and ran the house.
I thought maybe this brush with death would make her realise that she needed to straighten things out and make it less vague. If she would have died, my husband and I would own 50% of a house that we have poured thousands of dollars into. There are, by the way, 3 other siblings who all live elsewhere and have contributed nothing towards the upkeep of this house. Nor have they looked after my mother for the past decade as I have.
My mother is worse than ever now. When my husband and I basically gave her a list of demands, stating we wanted to own the house 100%, because we can't keep investing money into a place that is not totally ours, and we wanted a date as to when this brother is moving out. We gave her 2 weeks to come up with answers, and once again, it is the same vague song and dance she has been running for a year.
My husband is so fed up and has threatened to leave me and return to Norway. He is so tired and unhappy.
Please do not tell me to try to talk directly to my brother. Whatever I ask him to do, like a 5 year old, he does exactly the opposite just to be annoying and provocative. This is a man who is nearly 50!
I know there are many complex pieces to this story, and I do not know where to start. Is there someone who can offer some advice as to what we can do? I do not want to leave my mother out in the cold and have no one to look after her. My brother cannot do it, and my other siblings are pretty much unwilling. I am tired of babysitting my manipulative and discusting brother.
What can my husband and I do to get my brother out of the house? Do we have any legal recourse? Can we force my mother to sell the house if he refuses to move?
I have a brother who is very difficult to deal with. He is slovenly and dirty. He is intrusive and embarrassing. He has quite a few unaddressed mental problems. He has asperger's syndrome and my parents have always been very protective and jumped in to "save" him. He has never gotten the care and intervention that he has needed because my parents have sheltered him and excused him his whole life. He was labeled many things whilst growing up ("retarded" "autistic" "eccentric") and spent his school days in special classes. He has never lived on his own. He should have been out on his own long ago. My parents have soft cushioned everything for him. As a result, he acts very manipulative and entitled.
I married 4 years ago and also had a child. My husband is an immigrant. He gave up his family, friends and a very good job to come here. He earned a Masters in Engineering here and just recently landed a very nice job as an engineer. We both make 6 figure incomes. I am in healthcare. I say my brother has asperger's syndrome, because as per the diagnostic manual, he has every single symptom. He has never however, been formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Aspergers syndrome did not exist as a diagnosis until about 12 years ago.
Over the 2 years, and really over the almost decade since I bought the house with my mom, I have done many improvements. My husband has also done a phenomenal amount of improvements. The kitchen is new, the roof... he has renovated almost all the rooms in the house and landscaped the yard and made it very wonderful. The eyesore is my brother's room. There is unimaginable filth in there that I am too embarrassed to speak of. It is flat out a health hazard. He does not give a rat's krap about the house at all and makes no effort to help, and makes no effort to help with cleaning or work about the house. He makes no investments in the furniture or anything in the house, and is so careless and clumsy, he has damaged and broken several things. My husband and I have not only worked like slaves to improve the house, we have spent thousands of dollars doing so. My mother has a huge blind spot when it comes to my brother and pretty much looks the other way. She covers up a lot of what he does too. She flushes and cleans the toilet after him often times because he can't do it correctly.
My husband and I are just about at the end of our tether. My husband is ready to leave me.
Right after my child was born 3 years ago, I was on disability for 8 weeks and did not have full pay. My husband bought me a ticket to spend my maternity leave and Christmas with him. He helped me with my bills as well. I could not come up with my share of the mortgage for 2 months (I pay 80% of the mortgage, and have always paid if not all of it, then most of it. I also handle most of the huge bills, such as phone and electricity and I buy food for my family and my mother).
The house went into preforclosure. Whilst I was out of the country, we refinanced to try to make things right. I was not there and had to give my brother power of attorney (which I have since revoked). My credit had taken a serious hit, so my mother hastilly suggested that my brother own the house with us, and the mortgage was refinanced in his and my mother's name. When my husband moved over, we wrested with my mother and managed to get the title changed back to just her and me as owners, but the mortgage is still in her name and my brother's.
My husband and I have made it clear that we want him out of here. My mother and brother have given a song and dance for a year now that my brother is waiting on a raise from work so he can "afford" to move out. He has worked at the same job in immigration for 20 years. We keep hearing the same thing over and over, that the raise is coming and that he is looking for another place. Meanwhile, he spends time on eBay and buys junk that clutters the house. He gets 20 to 30 packages a week. He also took an expensive holiday to LA on his tax return. The bulk of the money came from the interest paid on the mortgage that is in his name that I pay 80 % of.
Is there a way that my husband and I can get him evicted from our home? If we refinance and get the loan in our name, can we evict him? Because my mother owns half the house, can she stop us? We had the title changed and wanted to have it with "right of survivorship", however, my mother got the lawyer to put "tenants in common" and acted very naïve and said she thought that this was "what we all wanted".
She will stop at nothing to protect him... even at the expense of me.. who supports her lifestyle. She was also extraordinarily ill recently, spending a month in hospital and having serious surgery. I recognized that she was sick and it was my husband and I who rushed her to hospital (my brother does not drive). I visted her every night that month and worked full time and cared for my child and ran the house.
I thought maybe this brush with death would make her realise that she needed to straighten things out and make it less vague. If she would have died, my husband and I would own 50% of a house that we have poured thousands of dollars into. There are, by the way, 3 other siblings who all live elsewhere and have contributed nothing towards the upkeep of this house. Nor have they looked after my mother for the past decade as I have.
My mother is worse than ever now. When my husband and I basically gave her a list of demands, stating we wanted to own the house 100%, because we can't keep investing money into a place that is not totally ours, and we wanted a date as to when this brother is moving out. We gave her 2 weeks to come up with answers, and once again, it is the same vague song and dance she has been running for a year.
My husband is so fed up and has threatened to leave me and return to Norway. He is so tired and unhappy.
Please do not tell me to try to talk directly to my brother. Whatever I ask him to do, like a 5 year old, he does exactly the opposite just to be annoying and provocative. This is a man who is nearly 50!
I know there are many complex pieces to this story, and I do not know where to start. Is there someone who can offer some advice as to what we can do? I do not want to leave my mother out in the cold and have no one to look after her. My brother cannot do it, and my other siblings are pretty much unwilling. I am tired of babysitting my manipulative and discusting brother.
What can my husband and I do to get my brother out of the house? Do we have any legal recourse? Can we force my mother to sell the house if he refuses to move?