I know this may be the wrong section, but I'm desperate for some help! I have already posted in the Adult Sexuality section, but I firgure 2 places would double my responses

Here it goes:

PLEASE READ!

Hey everyone:

Well I'm 19, almost 20, and to get straight to the point, I'm scared of having intercourse. Now I am no loser, I am in great shape, and thanks to my white mother and my indian father, I have nice tan skin, and a good set of hair. In other words, many women would find me attractive at first glance( I'm not trying to brag, just giving you the backstory).

I am no stranger to oral sex, in fact, I have been complimented numerous times on how good I am while I'm "down there". I have an average size erection, about 7 inches, so there's no real problem there. I have been with many girls many different ways besides actually having intercourse. I'm not saving myself for that special one, nor do I have strict religious views on it, even though I am catholic. Through my teen years, probably since the age of 14 or 15, I have been frequently masturbating to porn, hardcore softcore, SI swimsuit edition, etc, but no more than the next person my age.

So, right now, I'm a sophomore in college, and have a great beautiful girlfriend. We have done oral many many times in the 3 months we have been dating, but both agreed to wait until the right time to have sex. She was sexually active in high school, having a BF for 3 years who was 2 years older than her. In other words, she's no novice.

Here's the dilemma:

Tonight and last night we were both ready to have sex, but I couldn't get an erection to save my life when the moment came. I know its because I'm scared, because I haven't actually don it yet, just as the myth goes that you are always scared the first time you do it. Also, she doesn't know I'm a virgin, so there's another problem. Whenever, I ask her if she wants to have sex whenever we are doing oral, she always says "not tonight" and that relieves the worry for me, and I perform fine, because I know the pressure isn't there.

I'm so scared I'm going to push her away if I keep being unable to perform when we have waited so long, and she's going to find that pleasure elsewhere. I have made her orgasm many times by oral, but that can only take you so far. I feel like I'm going to push her away if this happens even one more time

HELP!!

What do I do?
How do I stay erect?
How do I become unscared?
Should I tell her I'm a virgin?(I have told her in the past that I'm not)

Any insight into this would be much appreciated

Thank you!

All right,

First and foremost bro, you need to tell her the truth. If you can't be truthful with this girl then you shouldn't be having sex to begin with. If she says that you lied to her, try to tell her that you were scared to tell her you are a virgin because she isn't. But don't make her feel bad for not being one.

If you're not getting an erection when you're girl is ready for you, you may just not be ready. If she cares about you, it shouldn't be a problem. And when you do get ready to "perform" have a condom! And it would be good if she gets checked out since women have a high chance at cervical cancer, especially if they are sexually active.

Be truthful to yourself and her, if you're still scared... wait bro. You won't "perform" good if you're scared to death right?

Hope this helps.

Kevin

The truth will set you free!

Ummmm... She may be just as scared as you. Talk to her. Tell her you have something to confess. She will be worried that you are talking about finding another girl, she will be so relieved to find out that you are a virgin. You will see.

That happened to me twice. I mean, it happened with the same guy twice. He thought that it was because he was so excited. He got over it. It made me, the girl think that I had done something wrong. Oral did not make it get hard, nothing did. Then the 3rd time, it worked just fine.

Tell her that you lied. Tell her that you would really like her to be the first. If it doesn't get hard, wait awhile, try again later. She will be understanding if she knows the truth.

If you tell her the truth she will know what to do, if not... the bed, naked is not a good place for surprises, and if you want to take your time start with her pleasure.

Try doing something else intimate, like giving each other sensuous long massages with scented oils in a warm room, with relaxing music and no pressure on time.

Give sex a pass for now, make her feel like a queen and get both of you relaxed around each other.

Long Slooooow Relaaaaaxing massages.

Gosh, then don't do it!

You are no loser, honey! Why would you think that you don't have sex then people would think you are a loser?

Dating for 3 months and no full on sex, I get the impression that the girl your with, might be a virgin also, tell her the truth and see what happens.

I have had the same worries that you probably have, but don't worry man. =)
First off, don't say that "I lied", it makes it sound worse than it is, because it's only a white lie, at worst.

Simply say something like "I haven't had sex before, I was a little nervous of telling you and that's why it didn't go that well last time, I hope it's ok."
Now after that's done, you will feel excited to have it and the pressure will drop a bit, that is IF you are ready for it. :)

But I've been there and done that, tried to have sex one time and it just wouldn't work because of how nervous I was. But the biggest problem was the pressure I felt about first getting an erection and then making it last while I found a condom and put it on, then continue making it last until we actually could have sex lol. ^^

The fact that I failed the first time made me think thoughts like "damn.. what if there's something wrong with me" and that created a psychic mind barrier that blocked my ability, but I let go of all the feelings and just did it, I'm sure you can too. So don't worry. :p


Oh and I have to agree a little bit with 2personal here, if she was active with someone else for 2 years then I find it a little odd that she would wait for 3 months with her "next" boyfriend and sexual partner to want to have sex. Anyway, that's just my opinion.