OK quick background...
-Right now we're both in different hard colleges. She's in a more party city.
-We met about 3 years ago.
-VERY Long distance thing from the start. (yeah I know.. )
-We liked each other from the start, but never made it official because of the long distance.
-We were closer to each other than we were to anyone else.
-About a year into it she got a boyfriend for a few months, then I got a girlfriend for a few months. We still talked everyday.
-We got closer then probably because seeing each other with someone else.
-I dumped my girlfriend for certain reasons n then she dumps her boyfriend a little while later. Her friends tell me probably because of her feelings for me.
-we get very relationship like closeness literally right after. This went on for about a year. (I was a 1rst year college kid then and she was a senior in hs)
-Met up here and there, always amazing.
-We were like dumb love high teenagers then when I look back.
--All was going amazing never had problems in years all up till she got to college...

The Issue...
-She's going to a college very far from home to the city where she knows no one and going for a hard medical major. She's a very social person. Goes out to clubs and parties. Very good looking, gets a lot of guys but very picky and only dates guys for long term seriousness type. Doesn't have sex until after marriage so I can trust her. Tough on the out side but really emotional on the inside just does her best to hide it. Really anyone who knows her can tell she's real innocent and trustworthy and has a lot of values.
-also I was suppose to go to college in the same city as her but things got delayed so she thinks I won't be there for another year. (no not going there because of her going because of school reasons)

-ok so college brought her off cloud 9 with me and her. We couldn't talk as much mainly her fault and she admitted it. I know her, I could tell she didn't want to put the time and effort. Id ask her if she needed a relationship break or if we should talk less and that id work with her and shed be like no she didn't want a break. We would then talk almost everyday. About a month later she finally broke lose and said she wanted to take a break.

as soon as she brought it up she like avoided me. We never got to finish the talk till like 2 weeks later. During that 2 weeks I fell apart and would send her e-mails and leave her voice mails. Completely ignored me. Yeah I know shouldn't have.

even had her girl friends from home try talking to her and she would avoid the subject of me with them too. They were all like what the hell too. Then eventually I got a hold of her and we talked for awhile. Told me that since school started she felt even farther away from me. The long distance thing was getting to her. That she wants to hold off on our relationship for awhile. That its not about being single its just she doesn't want to deal with a relationship. And I could tell that since school started I believe her. I asked her a million times if this was some nice way of breaking up and to just do it instead of giving me any false hope but she kept saying no she just doesn't want to deal with the relationship now until later when it matters. She said she feels good about me and her that we're good for each other if not perfect for each other. She said if people were to ask if she was with someone she will just say "its complicated"

basically move on with life be good to each other then one day when she is ready start it up again. I asked her what about when I do transfer there. She just said she doesn't know that she would try it but doesn't know. The girl takes school seriously. I asked her wouldn't talk be akward one day just starting up again she thinks it won't be. Right now we hardly talk as it is. She doesn't try contacting me at all. Ill call her like once a week. We'll talk for a short time to say hey and stuff. I've been a mess. I do my best to cope with all this. She seems fine though, that's what hurts me the most. Her friends and my friends who know her all tel me its because she knows I'm too to leave her so she has no worries.

So sorry this was long. But basically what I'm asking is what do you think of all this?? Part of me really just wants to forget her and move on, at the sametime I really want to play my cards right to get her back. For me either your in my life or your not. Everyone tells me breaks don’t work and they lead to a break up. At the sametime I just want to fix things with her. What she doesn’t know is I mightttttt be going to school near her in another month. I was going to tell her but then she brought up the whole break thing. So I’m asking what do you guys think I should do in response to all this? What should I do to make all the right moves? Like when should I tell her that I might be going there for school in a month? How often should I contact her when she like never tries talking to me now (right now I'm calling only once a week)? So she doesn't think I forgot about her at the sametime trying to give the space she wanted. Or should I even contact her at all?


thankssss

I have to add I do my best to give her the space, and to keep my cool. And to show I support her on all this. And that I'm trying to do my best to go on with my life. But then I keep thinking what if she says is all true and I do have a chance with her you know. I want to be able to play my cards right in all this.

Anybody? Like her friends say its her being stressed from not being able to be with me that when I'm there with her in person and to have a normal relationship in person which is what we both want it would all good again? But the way she is acting with not even trying to talk to me is hard when you talked to the girl for almost every freaking day for over 2 and a half years. Where we've been nothing but super super close. This mess been going on for almost 2 months.

So anyone?

Please be patient since you have just written a lot for anyone here to take in and assimilate into their thinking. It is best to take things one thing at a time here as far as solving problems in relationships. Typically, there are no answers "written in stone" until much is learned about a situation.

I have read what you have written. It sounds like you are both the same age. Is that correct?

I have read what you have written. It sounds like you are both the same age. Is that correct?

I'm about 8 months older. A 2nd year college kid. She's just started her first year in college.

Please briefly describe what you mean by this being a "VERY Long distance thing from the start."

Please briefly describe what you mean by this being a

Met through some friends. 90% online and phone. Across the united states long distance lol...
Normally me and her would never do anything like that it sounds stupid if I were to here some other kid tell me he was doing that with some girl. But we got really into each other.

We did get to see each other here and there. And it was like some romantic cheesy movie. We did talk literally almost every day for the past 2 and half years. We tried to be very realistic about it enough to the point where we were cool with seeing other people just that we hoped "one day we can be together normally" and we each did date someone else for about 6 months each.. and during that time me and her just got more closer. And then after we each became single again we got real close like bf/gf close. And took things more serious. Just got to the point we didn't want anyone else. Which all went down the hill when she started college. Because the long distance thing finally got to her.

Like I said earlier I might be moving there in another month she doesn't know that though. I don't want her thinking I'm going there because of her because its not. She'll get pressured and push me farther away.

Thank you for the brief explanation! That helps a lot!

I think that you are correct in thinking that she could feel pressured and push you further away. I also don't know that I would call it pushing you away though so much as maybe her isolating herself in order to concentrate on what she needs to do for herself right now in order to be successful at college.

It sounds like you and she have a lot of friends who know both of you. Is that correct?

It sounds like you and she have a lot of friends who know both of you. Is that correct?

yeah we do. One of our mutual guy friends is like an older bro to her and also one of my closest guy friends. He said he was going to talk to her in person and do his best. She doesn't tell people her problems keeps it to her self. Like when I told her girl friends what she was doing they were all very surprised and had no idea. So I was thinking it would be good if he talked to her, since she respects him a lot. And he did fix some problems she had with her ex boyfriend. See she's not your ideal girlfriend like she admits it too she doesn't know how to be a good girlfriend. And it pissed off her ex a lot and he would tell her she sucked at being a girlfriend. And she would tell me and my guy friend that she knows she's not doing her best with me and wants to. I think that's also another reason for her for pulling away. That she thinks she's a bad girlfriend and wants to wait till she has time in her life to be ready to commit to a serious relationship with me. And be mature enough. And yeah I do my best to try and make her think she isn't a bad girlfriend. Lol sorry this situation has a lot of variables going on in it...

Yes, it does have a lot of variables to it. And, you are doing a lot of analyzing too, which may be contributing to the problem. Just trying to be honest with you here. When I was your age, I would write things almost constantly about girls with whom I was interested. I'd even get up from bed in the middle of the night and write something down in order to try and figure things out.

Have you ever written her a letter or sent her a card with some of your writing in it? Do you know her address?

Wouldn't that make her think I'm trying to get her back or something? I mean for the first 2 or 3 weeks I did nothing but like e-mail and leave her voice mails. Because I thought she was pulling one of those "nice break ups". It was my mistake and don't want to do it again. I've been keeping my cool since.

Yeah I do over analyze people have told me lol, I try not to. What I don't get is why she doesn't try talking to me as much anymore. Like I would wait for a week and a half and no word. I mean shouldn't she at least have the respect to say heyy how you doing here and there? Should I give her more space then or what? Like I'm worried this has really hurt our relationship that when I am there in person able to give a normal relationship it just won't work because of all this . Like she made it clear she doesn't want to lose me, and she made it clear she wants a break. And she doesn't try talking to me. I'm confusedd on how to handle all this

You would like to get her back eventually, wouldn't you? Yes or no.

You would like to get her back eventually, wouldn't you? Yes or no.

Yes.

Originally Posted by Clough
You would like to get her back eventually, wouldn't you? Yes or no.


Originally Posted by idunnodude101
Yes.

Then please answer the questions below that I have already asked earlier. By a letter, I mean something that is either typed or preferably hand-written. I am trying to help you here. Thanks!


Originally Posted by Clough
Have you ever written her a letter or sent her a card with some of your writing in it? Do you know her address?

Then please answer the questions below that I have already asked earlier. By letter, I mean something that is either typed or preferably hand-written. I am trying to help you here. Thanks!


Yeah I can mail her stuff. No I haven't mailed her a letter or card since her birthday last year. I did send a rose a few months back in hopes she will talk to me more often.

One thing that has really worked for me in the past is to find some really nice card with some sentimental stuff on it and also space for me to write some things with a pen. Doesn't have to be anything that even hints of pressure at all. Could also just be a blank card with a picture on it of something that you know she likes. You could write things like "I was just thinking about you and hoping that you are okay and that college is going well for you." "I know that you have a lot on your plate right now."

I guess if it was me who was in your shoes right now, I would try to find a card that had some sentimental message about goal setting, reaching your potential or goals, something along those lines.

I wouldn't even put anything in it about "please give me a call sometime" or "please write back" or "I really miss you." Just the fact that you have taken the time to write something and that it is something that she can hold in her hand and look at and contemplate on can mean a lot to her. One girl I did this with in the past called me up and said "Thank you!" "That isn't like you!" Really surprised her and got things rolling for us again! The same sort of thing happened with another girl in whom I was interested.

Please be patient and give things some time. I do think that she does need some space.

Please be patient and give things some time. I do think that she does need some space.


Ok I will do that. Would it be OK if send some of her favorite type of chocolate with it?


I do understand she wants space, but should I just stop trying to call her from now on? Like do what some people do where they just stop contacting their spouse and wait on them to make the move?

Also the one other impt question, when should I make the move and tell her I might be going to school there this Jan?

Thanks!

If it were me in your shoes, and given the situation the way that it is now, I wouldn't send the chocolate because that's kind of like sending the rose. It's just kind of laying a heavy on a woman like giving her trinkets like jewelry and the like. How about a picture on a card that has chocolate in it?

I'm going to address the other things that you mention in your last post in just a bit.

I'm going to address the other things that you mention in your last post in just a bit.


OK thank you :)

Ok I will do that. Would it be ok if send some of her favorite type of chocolate with it?

I do understand she wants space, but should I just stop trying to call her from now on? Like do what some people do where they just stop contacting their spouse and wait on them to make the move?

Also the one other impt question, when should I make the move and tell her I might be going to school there this Jan?

thanks!

I think that the best thing for you to do right now is to wait for awhile. Don't call and just send the card as soon as possible. Wait to see what happens. Please be patient. Since there was something good and beautiful for an extended period between the two of you previously, then chances are that the good feelings from her toward you are still there. This is also heading into being a very busy time of year for most people who are in college, because of the holidays and preparing for the ends of certain periods in the college year.

When to tell her that you will be going to school there starting in January is a tough question to answer. I'm not sure that you need to tell her at all. I don't see any problem with it being a surprise. If she does contact you between now and the term that will start in January, then I would tell her. "By the way, I just wanted to let you know..." But, I wouldn't do it in a text or an email. Either in-person, on the phone or even in a written letter would be okay. Sometimes we get to relying so much on this electronic communication, that we can't really see what another person is really thinking or feeling because we have been using it.

Is she religious at all in terms of participating in some kind of organized religion?

Is she religious at all in terms of participating in some kind of organized religion?

Yeah we're both christians.

yeah we're both christians.

That's great! I am too! :) Then, that is another possibility as far as the type of card to get.

Are either of you associated with a particular denomination? If so, which one or ones?

That's great! I am too! :) Then, that is another possibility as far as the type of card to get.

Are either of you associated with a particular denomination? If so, which one or ones?

She's catholic, and I'm an orthodox christian.

By orthodox, do you mean the Greek Orthodox denomination?

By orthodox, do you mean the Greek Orthodox denomination?


Lol um more like the "indian orthodox" lol.. me and her are both indian kids from india but we all grew up here. Christians are the 3rd biggest religion in india.

I have to say though, thanks for all your help. Def helped me out a bit on what to do. Thank you :)

Even though I still don't get why she is pushing me away so much lately, but I duno woman...

I guess I will just do what you told me and hope to god for the best

Sorry that it took me so long to get back to you. There was a problem on another post that needed to be dealt with immediately.

You are more than welcome for the help! :)

Please be patient. Please stop analyzing so much. If it is meant to be, then it is meant to be. I don't believe in luck. If we have faith in God and Jesus Christ, then how can there be such a thing as luck?

Would you please give me an update as to what is happening in the future? I would appreciate that!

Also, in order to make yourself as attractive as possible to someone, we might also want to discuss things like your schooling and other activities on this thread. What do you think?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clough
By orthodox, do you mean the Greek Orthodox denomination?



lol um more like the "indian orthodox" lol.. me and her are both indian kids from india but we all grew up here. Christians are the 3rd biggest religion in india.

Thank you for your answer to that! Sounds really interesting!

Would you please give me an update as to what is happening in the future? I would appreciate that!



Yeah ill keep you posted on what's going on with my thing.



Also, in order to make yourself as attractive as possible to someone, we might also want to discuss things like your schooling and other activities on this thread. What do you think?


I'm confused ? Are you talking about me?

Yes. I am talking about you. It would be good to discuss at some time in the future what things that you do and are interested in in order to see if there are some things that you might do to make yourself more attractive to others and also maybe some things that you do that might turn people off some. Just a thought... We don't have to. It's just a thought...

We all can improve. I can improve and do want to improve!

There is an old saying that I really like! It is: "The best mirror is a friend's eye."

The ways that we think others perceive us to be, may not be the way that they really see things to be in and about us. Sometimes, it takes a friend to really point things out to us about the way that we are. I have a friend that does that to me. And, he won't let go until I see his point!

Yes. I am talking about you. It would be good to discuss at some time in the future what things that you do and are interested in in order to see if there are some things that you might do to make yourself more attractive to others and also maybe somethings that you do that might turn people off some. Just a thought... We don't have to. It's just a thought...

We all can improve. I can improve and do want to improve!

There is an old saying that I really like! It is: "The best mirror is a friend's eye."

The ways that we think others perceive us to be, may not be the way that they really see things to be in and about us. Sometimes, it takes a friend to really point things out to us about the way that we are. I have a friend that does that to me. And, he won't let go until I see his point!


Oh um I'm majoring in engineering. Its hard. I'm usually busy with school and my job. Then I also like to go out a lot. I mean its college it goes unsaid lol. But other than that's really my life.

My girlfriend is like that too... she's busy with school but at the sametime likes to go to clubs and parties. She's in a hard medical school. I'm in a more dead boring town which is one of the reasons I want to move to her city she's in.

I do worry a lot and over analyze a lot. As you noticed. Like if she goes out to parties or clubs I have to like know she went out otherwise I feel like she's hiding it from me. Like I have to know the details. Because I'm insecure and always worrying about losing her. I never tell her that and do my best to not show it but I'm sure she kind of sees it. At the sametime I trust her a lot and know she wouldn't mess with me. Its not her. Its just the whole problem for me of "i just have to know everything" thing. I do realize it's a stupid problem of mine. And the past few weeks since this "Break" thing started I've slowly gotten over it I think. She never had that problem with me though. She never asks quesitons when I go out or anything and if anything she knows I tell her everything regardless.

Oh just in general I also complain too much and don't think much about myself. Like before her I never thought I could get a good looking girl like her. She gets a lot of guys after her. And I would think why me or something. And I would complain to her about how nothing in my life goes right and so on. I'm slowly fixing everything lol...

I think how I'm always doing those above things finally probably got to her I think

Thanks for the answer! I hadn't expected you to answer so soon! I was a little concerned that maybe I had overstepped my bounds some by suggesting that we discuss some additional things.

I would like to answer to what you have posted above. But, right now it is about 5:16 A.M. in the morning where I am. What time is it where you are?

I do want to respond a little bit to what you have currently posted before I go to bed. And, that would be that relationships take maintenance and work. Sometimes we have to give up or not do some things as much in order to maintain a relationship with someone. Just some beginning food for thought for you.

Thanks for the answer! I hadn't expected you to answer so soon! I was a little concerned that maybe I had overstepped my bounds some by suggesting that we discuss some additional things.

I would like to answer to what you have posted above. But, right now it is about 5:16 A.M. in the morning where I am. What time is it where you are?

I do want to respond a little bit to what you have currently posted before I go to bed. And, that would be that relationships take maintenance and work. Sometimes we have to give up or not do some things as much in order to maintain a relationship with someone. Just some beginning food for thought for you.


Its all good. Its 6:19am here. You can reply whenever. Take your time. I have some school stuff to attend to anyway :)

Thanks! I was starting to think that you were in India! Are you on the East coast of the U.S. or somewhere else?

Thanks! I was starting to think that you were in India! Are you on the East coast of the U.S. or somewhere else?


I'm in PA right now. Grew up in NY. Lol... no grew up in the USA aallll my life. So did she.

Thanks for the information! I am truly going to log out of this site now. Got to get some sleep! I do look forward to continued dialogue with you! :)

Goodnight or good morning! Whatever the case may be! :p

It bothers me that you have not been honest, and told her of your relocation plans much sooner. She may well see this as getting closer, and her reaction will tell you a lot. I really cannot say how this will go, if it's a total surprise. I would make it my business to tell her though, as soon as possible, after all your moving into her territory, and she has a right to know. I don't know how she feels right now, about you and her, but too much, to soon, may not work well, so see how she reacts to you coming, and then you'll know what the next step is. There is a very big difference between talking long distance, knowing you won't interact personally, and seeing someone your interested in every day. Keep us posted, and good luck.

It bothers me that you have not been honest, and told her of your relocation plans much sooner. She may well see this as getting closer, and her reaction will tell you a lot. I really cannot say how this will go, if its a total surprise. I would make it my business to tell her though, as soon as possible, after all your moving into her territory, and she has a right to know. I don't know how she feels right now, about you and her, but to much, to soon, may not work well, so see how she reacts to you coming, and then you'll know what the next step is. There is a very big difference between talking long distance, knowing you won't interact personally, and seeing someone your interested in every day. Keep us posted, and good luck.

Do you also think I should give her that space and do the no contact thing? Let her come to me?

Also I was going to tell her I got accepted like the day before she pulled the break thing on me so I was kind of in shock when she pulled it on me. This was about almost 2 months ago. But its not 100% chance I'm going yet I figured I should only tell her when I know I'm going there for sure.

When a female ask for space, you give it to her and make the best of the rest of your life. Easy as it sounds, it's the hardest thing you will do. The reward is a healthy and happy life that you can enjoy, and you will greatly benefit from a clear mind, and make good decisions where your life is concerned. Believe it or not, when we heal from the misery and pain of a breakup, we usually wonder what all the drama was about, and have found someone who we relate too much better, and are better able to handle our emotions, and desires in a realistic, positive healthy way. Live, learn and move on to better things.

When a female ask for space, you give it to her and make the best of the rest of your life. Easy as it sounds, its the hardest thing you will do. The reward is a healthy and happy life that you can enjoy, and you will greatly benefit from a clear mind, and make good decisions where your life is concerned. Believe it or not, when we heal from the misery and pain of a breakup, we usually wonder what all the drama was about, and have found someone who we relate to much better, and are better able to handle our emotions, and desires in a realistic, positive healthy way. Live, learn and move on to better things.


Yeah I actually do feel for the first time in over 2 years off cloud 9 with her and able to see me and her with my mind and not my heart. And see things how it should be. At the sametime see my mistakes and what I should improve on with life. Also this is our first actual drama me and her ever had. I just hope she feels the same as me..

That's great! I am too! :) Then, that is another possibility as far as the type of card to get.



Hey I sent the card the other dayy. It was this halmark card that said some stuff on it that really spoke from heart. But it was met for friends. But I thought all the love cards and all that were stupid. This one really had meaning to it you know like talked about how "god chose you to put me in my life because he knew you would make it amazing" like that. Because she knows I changed and fixed my liffe a lot.

And then I just wrote what you told me just something simple like "heyy good luck on finals" etc it was short and simple. Didn't say love you or miss you or any of that.

The only thing was the card referred to her as "friend". She's not the crazy drama or anything type. I think she will realize what I met, that I just couldn't find any other card. That won't be a problem right? That it referred to her as a friend?

Thanks

I just got back in town this evening after being gone for a couple of days. It sounds to me like you found a card that describes in honesty how things have been between the two of you as friends. I think the card that you found, what it said in the card as well as what you wrote, sound just fine.

Now, we will just have to wait and see what happens. Please be patient with her and also yourself. I do think that talaniman has also made some very valid things to think about in remarks that have been given to you.

Thank you for getting back with us! Please keep us posted!

I just got back in town this evening after being gone for a couple of days. It sounds to me like you found a card that describes in honesty how things have been between the two of you as friends. I think the card that you found, what it said in the card as well as what you wrote, sound just fine.

Now, we will just have to wait and see what happens. Please be patient with her and also yourself. I do think that talaniman has also made some very valid things to think about in remarks that have been given to you.

Thank you for getting back with us! Please keep us posted!


Heyy I was wondering about something. She should have got the letter today but no idea if she will check the mail. Its college we don't get letters everday you know. She goes back to her home this Friday. So I'm hoping she checks her mail before that. Otherwise she won't be back to school in a month and won't see it till then. I'm worried she thinks I'm avoiding her or something like that. She never said "not to talk to each other anymore" just to not talk as much and not worry about all that.

So I wondering if I should send her a message on her Facebook saying something like "heyy im sorry its been weeks since we talked been busy with stuff, my fault, how you been?" or something like that? She checks her Facebook a lot

Like I'm worried she thinks I'm trying to play mind games on her or something. Moething like that. She's tough. I think she is waiting on me or something I duno. What do you think? Send her a message on Facebook or something?

... lol her horoscope on Facebook is " Taurus: Don't worry if the call you're waiting for hasn't come yet. Be patient. It will come soon! ."

I think that you should just be patient and wait to see if and how she reacts to the card. I wouldn't recommend any other kind of contact with her. In a couple of days, you might ask one of your mutual friends to see if she has said anything. I also would recommend not driving yourself crazy by trying to figure out what she thinks. Please just go and occupy your time with the things that you like to do. You might meet some new friends and get involved in what they are doing.

I think that you should just be patient and wait to see if and how she reacts to the card. I wouldn't recommend any other kind of contact with her. In a couple of days, you might ask one of your mutual friends to see if she has said anything. I also would recommend not driving yourself crazy by trying to figure out what she thinks. Please just go and occupy your time with the things that you like to do. You might meet some new friends and get involved in what they are doing.


Ehh I don't know of any of her new college friends. Only all her friends from her home town. I mean if she doesn't say anything even after she goes back home this weekend should I just send a Facebook message to her saying like "iv been busy with school ssorry " or something like that.. because I'm not sure if she will check her mail for sure. We really don't get too much mail at college.

Basically just saying what's up or what not. So she doesn't think I'm avoiding her or anything so she sees I've really been busy with what not.

Like I think I want to give it till I know she's back in her home town. Like maybe if she doesn't say anything by the middle of next week. Because by then I think I can be safe to assume she didn't check her mail before she left for school. I won't call her. Just a simple message on Facebook saying hope she's been good , and finals went good and whatever keep it simple like the card. Like I said she never said "no contact at all" just not as much. And its hitting 3 weeks of no contact. The longest we didn't talk in over 2 and half years.

You really think that's a bad idea?

Thanks

I wouldn't take any further action right now. Just go on with your things that you need to do in order to make you the best person that you can be. I would wait another couple of weeks, letting you and she get through the holidays with your families, and call her, not text her in any way and say "Hi!" and ask her if she received the card that you sent. You could also say, "I would appreciate knowing that." It's possible that maybe she is going to respond to you in a letter or a card. But, that is playing the guessing game again. I get deeply into that also at times.

Please remember below what you posted in your original question on this thread.


Originally Posted by idunnodude101
Then eventually I got a hold of her and we talked for awhile. Told me that since school started she felt even farther away from me. The long distance thing was getting to her. That she wants to hold off on our relationship for awhile. That its not about being single it's just she doesn't want to deal with a relationship.


And, please remember the following posts.


Originally Posted by talaniman
When a female ask for space, you give it to her and make the best of the rest of your life. Easy as it sounds, its the hardest thing you will do. The reward is a healthy and happy life that you can enjoy, and you will greatly benefit from a clear mind, and make good decisions where your life is concerned. Believe it or not, when we heal from the misery and pain of a breakup, we usually wonder what all the drama was about, and have found someone who we relate to much better, and are better able to handle our emotions, and desires in a realistic, positive healthy way. Live, learn and move on to better things.



Originally Posted by idunnodude101
yeah i actually do feel for the first time in over 2 years off cloud 9 with her and able to see me and her with my mind and not my heart. and see things how it should be. at the sametime see my mistakes and what i should improve on with life. also this is our first actual drama me and her ever had. i just hope she feels the same as me..

Thank you clough. For saying all that. I was real close on sending her a message online to her saying something. Ill hold out some more then. Thanks, I'm glad I went to you first.

You're certainly welcome for the help! Again, please just be patient. I do understand and know how you feel in this. I have been there and done that! I'm going to have to leave the site for awhile tonight. Also, I would recommend re-reading some responses that you have already been given on this thread.

Hi there idunnodude! I have read your posts. Do you ever allow yourself to be angry? Because of your love for this girl and your history, you seem to have tunnel vision right now. Step back. Realize you have self-worth, with or without this girl. I know you want back what you had. Nothing wrong with that but if she is not responding to your attentions, is this healthy for you emotionally?

My opinion is that if someone is interested in another person they will respond to notes, calls, texts, etc. For her not to be straight forward with you is rather cruel, just my opinion. If you have any further communication with her, I would just be straight forward, and not give her an ultimatum but just share with her what you want from this relationship. Ask her if she feels the same way. That is a yes or a no question by the way! LOL I am not trying to be flippant here but there are a lot of gals out there who only dream of the kind of attention you lavish on a girl. Time is a precious commodity. Please face this head on when it is a good time for you to do so, if she does not want the same thing you do, please "walk and block". You deserve to know where you stand with her. You are a special person, full of love to give. Please just make sure you are giving it to the kind of person who can appreciate you. Each of us have our talents, our gifts, our uniqueness. Find in yourself those qualities you feel good about and develop them. When a negative thought about yourself comes to mind, refuse to accept that thought.

When I asked if you ever get angry, I am not a proponent of acting on your anger. I am just thinking if you never allow yourself to feel angry during all of this experience, you are thinking too little of yourself. You deserve more but only you can choose to change your path. Be as kind to yourself as you are and have been to this girl and you will be one happy person!! Best of luck to you in your decisions.

Advice given on here earlier to you has been great. Just putting some thoughts out there and maybe a balance of all the input will help you reach a happier place. :)

Hi there idunnodude! I have read your posts. Do you ever allow yourself to be angry? Because of your love for this girl and your history, you seem to have tunnel vision right now. Step back. Realize you have self-worth, with or without this girl. I know you want back what you had. Nothing wrong with that but if she is not responding to your attentions, is this healthy for you emotionally?

My opinion is that if someone is interested in another person they will respond to notes, calls, texts, etc. For her not to be straight forward with you is rather cruel, just my opinion. If you have any further communication with her, I would just be straight forward, and not give her an ultimatum but just share with her what you want from this relationship. Ask her if she feels the same way. That is a yes or a no question by the way! LOL I am not trying to be flippant here but there are a lot of gals out there who only dream of the kind of attention you lavish on a girl. Time is a precious commodity. Please face this head on when it is a good time for you to do so, if she does not want the same thing you do, please "walk and block". You deserve to know where you stand with her. You are a special person, full of love to give. Please just make sure you are giving it to the kind of person who can appreciate you. Each of us have our talents, our gifts, our uniqueness. Find in yourself those qualities you feel good about and develop them. When a negative thought about your self comes to mind, refuse to accept that thought.

When I asked if you ever get angry, I am not a proponent of acting on your anger. I am just thinking if you never allow yourself to feel angry during all of this experience, you are thinking too little of yourself. You deserve more but only you can choose to change your path. Be as kind to your self as you are and have been to this girl and you will be one happy person!!! Best of luck to you in your decisions.

Advice given on here earlier to you has been great. Just putting some thoughts out there and maybe a balance of all the input will help you reach a happier place. :)


Lol of course I've been angry. Many times. Haven't showed it to her. I feel like I've been taken advantage over. I feel she is being selfish and immature in a way. Just in general I'm sorry but kind of a bitc***h about how she handled it all. First time in over 2 years I saw this side of her and not going to lie didn't like it. But also this is the 1rst ever real drama between us in almost 3 years.

Like as gay as this sound I actually took the time a few days back and wrote out all the good and bad stuff about her from the past few years. Many many good things. Rarely ever any bad annoying things with her. Its like when she does do something annoying its very rare but at the sametime a biggg annoying thing like this. I duno I think I see it as no ones perfect? I know I've had my annoying times and she has always coped with my annoying stuff too. But after this not talking I did see a lot of stuff me and her had to work on. But at the sametime how good of a couple we are and just in general how much I have faith in us if we were in a normal relationship. I really do think we would have an amazing time and deserve it after all these years of long distance. I only worry and wonder what's been going through her head.

But yeahh dude to answer your question yeah it does get me mad that she would do this just in general. Like no matter how good I am to her.. I get the pain in the end.
And I have asked her a few weeks back before thanksgiving. She kept saying she has faith in us just doesnt want to deal with the relationship till later when it matters. and that it wasnt bout being single, and its not some nice way of breaking up, and she will still if people asked if she is with someone she would say "its complicated"
I'm not going to lie I really don't know what's going on when it comes down to it at all. Just going to go with what she said and I think trust that she met what she said...

Your last post was refreshing to read idunnodude!! :) This is the first post that I read that I felt real forthrightness of how you are approaching this.

You are the only one who can make your decisions. It sounds like by this last post when you typed "when it comes down to it at all, just gonna go with what she said and I think trust that she meant what she said", that you have gotten some clarity as to what you want to choose for now. This thread is not only about asking and answering questions but gives people the opportunity to work through the thought processes it takes to make decisions they are struggling with.

I am signing off for the night. Thank you for your prompt response to my post. You seem like a person who goes a long way to make things work. That is an admirable trait that few people possess. Add that to your list of postiives about yourself. :) Take care!

Y
I am signing off for the night. Thank you for your prompt response to my post. You seem like a person who goes a long way to make things work. That is an admirable trait that few people possess. Add that to your list of postiives about your self. :) Take care!

Thank you for that :)

You're certainly welcome for the help! Again, please just be patient. I do understand and know how you feel in this. I have been there and done that! I'm going to have to leave the site for awhile tonight. Also, I would recommend re-reading some responses that you have already been given on this thread.


So here is an update. She still didn't call and what not.

But I talked to her exboyfriend the one she dated during that time I mentioned before. We talked for a while for the first time. Got a lot of things understood that she did to him and me. Well I found out that she lied to me about some guys she made out with in the past. I mean I don't care its just that she lied to me.

I told him things he didn't know. And he told me she gave him a lot of false hope after they broke up. Like during the time she was telling me she loved me she was giving the same school excuse she gave to me to him. But he was saying "well if she was willing to break my heart for you then you must have been special to her" because she kind of left him for me... she never admitted it but it really seems like it. Since I got single then she dumped him.

Basically we agreed she was an amazing girl just a very bad girlfriend. Like she just sucks at being a good girlfriend. Like she just doesn't know how to do it.

He also pointed out something every boyfriend she had including me in her life she got when she was going through a personal melt down with her personal issues. And she is a weak person.

Basically I don't know. We both think she would be a good girlfriend once she grows up a bit. And I kind of don't know what to do. I'm real mad I feel like she messed with me or something. Like I was just an object to her or something. I think I need some space to fix my own personal stuff like school first and think about everything... maybe let her grow up a bit. I don't know what to do.

Idunnodude, it sounds like you are gradually working all this out for yourself. I can still tell that you care for her and are still hurt a little. No one likes to feel they have been lied to or deceived. Distrust enters and it seems it is rarely the same. When you stated, "I think I need some space to fix my own personal stuff like school first and think about everything...", I think that says an awful lot of how far you have come since your first post. I believe that you are seeing she is not good for you, not that she is not a good person but is not a good person for you. One thing I would like for you to keep in mind, is that you can't "fix" everything or everyone who has problems. You have offered her an awful lot of yourself but whatever issues she deals with that makes her lie to you, is not up to you to fix. We each must take responsibility for our choices. Just as you must as you are seeing, take care of who you are. Once that decision is made and you move on, you will begin to see even more clearly what has taken place. You deserve more out of a relationship and I am beginning to see that you are gaining insight into that. I am proud of you. I don't pretend for a moment that you or others going through hurts, will be able to just move on and never feel weak moments or have that longing for the familiarity of that relationship you once had but I promise you, there are many gals out there who will appreciate all you have to offer to a relationship.

Had to spread the love Reb, and you are so absolutely correct, most of us as we heal start to see the things that we are blind to or ignore. Don't know, you are headed in the right direction, and will see a lot more as the fog clears. Keep dealing with those feeling, and keep with the healing.

I vote for the "forget her and move on" option. I went to a midwestern college that was over 700 miles from my home. This particular college recruited students from all over the country so many of my peers were in the same boat ; a lot were even farther from home than I was. On many occasions I'd meet a female student from California (or some other place similarly far away) who'd show me a huge diamond engagement ring that her "fiance" from back home had just given her and they're getting married "just as soon as I finish school". Now understand that this entails her spending 8 months of every year, for the next 4 years, over 2000 miles away from home and her fiancé, with "plans" to get married the day after she graduates. Then, to top it all off, 2 days later you see her sucking face with the guy who lives on your dorm wing, 2 doors down the hall from you, obviously not her "fiance from California." It's been over 20 years since I've been out of college but it still cracks me up to this day to think about it. I'm sorry but I have little faith in long distance relationships with women attending distant colleges. Don't set yourself up for a letdown.

so here is an update. On the situation.

sent the card not sure if she ever got it. (during her finals week right before x-mas break). As soon as she got back home after a few days I sent a message to her on Facebook, asking how you been n all. She seemed real happy I sent her something. She was saying how she's been meaning to call me and will once she gets settled down. We were just talking about what we have been up to. First time talking in weeks.

her friend told me that the only thing she said about anything about me and her was "its been rough we didnt get to talk in weeks"

then in the end I messed up so bad because I am a loser and emotion overwhelmed me and I sent a message saying how that its been hard on me, the way she has been acting since the break. Like how she would avoid and ignore me if I were to IM her when I knew she was online. And how she told her friend as a reason to hold off on the relationship was "i have a life now." I said these things and I said that its not about the break I respect that it's the way she has been acting since the break. Granted from what my female friends said she proly avoided me was because it was hard on her too. I don't know. She never responded to the message.

a few days later her ex calls me up, laughing and saying like "well me and her talked for the first time in forever, and caught up alot. she said you two are not in a relationship anymore, and when i asked if you guys ever said i love you she said "only before you and i dated never after""

that crushed me because she couldnt even admit that she said i love you to me to her ex. me and her didnt even get real close till after she broke up with him. and no she would never go back out with him again he yelled at her alot and treated her badily and questioned every guy she was with and drove her crazy.

so i sent another message to her on facebook saying " it get out of my life I heard everything you said to your ex"

soon i started getting texts to my phone and my other friends phone saying, " I got your message but my phone is still being gay I can't get the calls through you, but please call back... if you don't I guess I understand... "

i tried calling , her phone is real messed up so it wont go through.

so i sent a message saying i got her text on facebook, but it wouldnt let me call her either. so she said she would call me some how.

...she never did. this was during x-mas.

a few days ago i sent a message saying "have a safe trip back to school I guess we're not really together anymore figured I might as well officially say it?"

then after talking to her closest friend, she was saying how she tried contacting me but i never picked up. i told her friend that id try but her phone never lets me though. that i never got any of her calls just that 1 text. and her friend didnt seem too happy about everything either. she told me she has been blowing off alot of things since she back from school. and she hasnt said a thing about me and her other than the 2 things i mentioned. and looking at my now ex's facebook alot of her friends left things like "I tried calling you we never got to see each other the whole month" and so on. so i dont think anyone knows whats up with her.

so i sent one last message to her saying "her (your friend) told me you texted and called me before? I never got anythingg. Every time I call it goes to your voice mail so I always figured your phone is still messed up.

so that's all. Me and her friend were talking like nothing does add up. Me and her were so close even during the beginning of school. Like this is such a complete switch of personality. She used to say like we were so perfect for each other and stuff. And act like we would never be apart. Yeah I know young and stupid and gay. I will never repeat that mistake of talking about the future like that in any future relationships I have.

but anyone can say that me and her were and would be real good together. Just the whole long distance thing I guess. What I want now is what she originally said to me...

"worry about school now, and be together when it matters because i really do feel that we're good for each other if not perfect for each other i just want to live life and all right now"

I don't know I think that's what I want too. I changed my Facebook status to single hers is still relationship. But she is also very lazy so I won't take that as a sign I know her.

I want to be in good terms with each other. But I don't want to giv e myself false hope at the smaetime I guess.

any advice to play this all right? I know I messed up real bad by saying my feelings in that one message back up there to her when she was obviously warming up to me again. I am fool. It sucks.

Because its not like me and her really ended it in a bad way. She is an awesome girl anyoen can say that. Very loyal and everything. One of my friends told me that she pulled of a 3.6 GPA for her grades last semester. Which I'm really freaking happy about. Because she is so serious about her med stuff. Which is why I just wish I wasn't an idiot and messed things up. I wish I could re do how I reacted to every thing the past semester. I just wish I could get another chance to redeem myself. We had years of closeness with never any problem till now. She wanted to focus on school and I was being stupid and couldn't just be happy and had to keep bringing up past issues. I am like mann I am dumb for rthat. I learned my lesson though. I just think I am too late.

I won't contact her again I figured like really serious this time. Changed my relationship status too I guess might show I am not being so attached or anyting? I guess we'll see.

So anyone have an opinion or advice I could use? Don't be afraid to say anything negative to me I don't care.

Hey there, Dunnodude, Please, number one thing, stop kicking yourself. You spilled out what was in your heart and perhaps the timing was off but perhaps not. Communication during that time of the holidays seemed pretty messed up but remember there are pay phones, business phones, home based phones she could have used to contact you. You have downgraded yourself several times in your posts. You must have self-love and self-respect. Hold your head up high, knowing you loved and loved well and did all you could.

I think if you and she could visit and end things amicably and definitively, perhaps you could move on more quickly. Seems so much is still up in the air, without being able to talk that it leaves you with still some hope.

My opinion is that if she had a heart for you, she would have found a way to contact you while on break. It appears she cannot do what she needs to do and perhaps it is just immaturity. For whatever the reason, my advice at this point it to make up your mind to "Walk" and "Block"... meaning, decide in your mind you have ended the relationship. Move on to other things. Block thoughts of her and fill your life with things and people that will enhance your life. Best to you!

Couldn't spread the "love" so soon again, jrebel7 after already giving it to you elsewhere recently. But, I just wanted to say, great advice as always! :)