I am sad to ask for this type of help, knowing that ultimately I am the only one who can make the final decision... Forgive my spelling, I am a little teary...
I guess the beginning is always the best place to start...
I am married to a wealthy man, he owns his own Indy race team, owns an Indoor arcade, owns two giant homes, and is also an owner of a XXX company... That's how I met him.. I have been in the adult industry for 8 years, he hired me to do a shoot for his company in Jan of 07.. We later clicked, and got married. Yes, it was too soon.
Thinghave been really bad, I MEAN REALLY BAD.. He is abusive in every sense of the word!
I live in CA, he lives in NJ..
In July we pretty much called it quits, I was in NJ collecting my belongings when we had a huge argument, he said I could take his car and leave for the night... That he didn't want to see me anymore that night.. I left.. He then reported the car stolen, when I brought it back the next morning I was arrested... The day I was released from jail I decided to cut my losses, after all I am 27, and he is 37.. life will go on.. I left NJ, and headed to FL to attend a feature dancing course.. yes, there are such things as classes to become feature dancers... I do not do drugs, I rarely drink, and even though I have a website, and wanted to be a feature dancer, the money is what gave me that drive.
Okay moving on, so while I was out there, it was the week that my period should have come.. Itnever came... I took the test, and found out I was pregnant.
Reluctant, I let the X know... we both agreed that even though we no longer want to be together, that we would share the responsibilities as parents.
I have not received one penny from him, only threats that he would have this child taken from me, or he would have some one kill me.. I changed my number, and got a lawyer here in CA...
since then, I have been forced to reassess my life.. I have not been active in the adult industry.. instead, I went and got my high school diploma, down sized in wants to needs only... It hasn't been easy... I got back in touch with my mother after 7 years.. after all, I have to forgive her for her past, for her to for give me for mine, and for me to forgive myself.
I go to church every Sunday.. I am not by all means religious.. however I am very spiritual, an it seems that over the last few year I may have lost my faith.. I am starting school on jan 15th, 08 to become a dental assistant.. it is a 5 month course... So it all seems to be going well, right?
Two weeks ago I was served by my X's lawyer... you see, I haven't had any money for a divorce, I have had to get by on social services, and my family's help. I recently found out I would need to retain a NJ lawyer, and have them attempt to have the case motioned to be moved to CA since this is where I have always resided.
In the court documents he is asking for full custody of the child on the day that it is legally allowed to leave the hospital, that I be drug tested, and have a mental evaluation.. He says that I have put my baby at risk because I was in the adult industry, and still associate with people in that same occupation. That I have stolen from him, that I refused to move to NJ, and that he had no idea I was even involved with the adult industry until a month ago. He wants to have me pay child support, and all attorney fees, as well as his mortgage payment until the child is 18. He is asking that I am refused any visitation rights, and I pay for the divorce..
Now this is all a bunch of bull, and I should be asking all of this from him!!
I am currently in a bind..
I am 19 weeks. I feel my baby kicking and I have named him.. I have been waiting for his little hands to be in mine... Although I can prove all of what he is saying is boloney, I have to admit, I do not want him in my life any longer. I don't like him.. I don't wish any of what he has done to me on any child, not even on an enemy! He will never stop.. As long as I keep this child he will always be in my life in some sort of way.
I am now faced with a decision, I do want this child... I do not want my X in my life any longer.. He is violent and cruel, and not a person whom I wish to ever be in contact with.. I need some advice...
If I remove the baby from the equation I have a divorce.. and an empty heart.. If I keep the child I could lose him to not havng enough money for a great attorney.. I could lose him to a past I since put long behind me... if I keep this child I could be tormented forever by some one who I resent, my X...
I am hurt, confused, and because I am pregnant, verry emotional.
your insight is greatly appreciated!
mag

Tell the courts how violent he is. He can not get custody if he is abusive. If you found out that u are pregnant after you guys broke up, why did you even bother to tell him if you knew he is the father. I would not want my child to know his father if that is what kind of person he is.
Just be truthful, and tell them what he is like and why you guys broke up. They will understand what he is like, and you should get custody.
And for your career... I'm glad to see you are getting a new one in dental assisting. Xxx career is no place to raise a child. Stay clear from that

The fact that he owns a XXX company and that you worked a XXX career does not play favorably on either end. That is not type of environment for a child.
You say he is trying to use the fact that you were in the XXX industry against you but that he didn't know you were in XXX industry until a month ago... at the beginning of your post you stated that you did a shoot for his XXX company before you met, so obviously he knew well before a month ago.

Did you ever file charges on him for the abuse? If so, get all the police reports... that will help you on your end. You are going to be in for a battle I'm sure... unfortunately money talks... a lot. He will have good attorneys and try to prove that he can provide a better life for the child than you can.

He will have to prove you unfit as a parent to take custody away from you... while this is normally hard to do... you both have shady pasts that will weigh greatly into the equation.

The decision to keep the child or not is a decision only you can make... none of here can help you with that.

In the meantime you need to hire a good attorney and figure out your options.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. He has a very aggressive attorney, but the family court judge has the last word. Hopefully you can get a decent N.J. Attorney to represent you in the change of venue. Educate yourself in family court procedures, there are a lot of steps before actually hearing child custody issues. He has as much to live down as you do. Good Luck and may God bless you. Pray
Oh, just remembered about drug testing and mental evaluation, you can ask the same. Also, educate yourself on what to expect, and actually what is being looked for... stability, ability to properly care for a child.

In the court system they will NOT take a child away from it's mother UNLESS you are proven to be unfit, money doesn't have too much to do with it except for on his side which he will be ordered to pay quite a bit if this is his child and you are granted full custody.
We all have a past and don't like something that we did in it, this is only human...
But you are trying to start over and this is a good direction to be in at this moment
The courts will see that this pregnancy has changed you and your thinking and you are doing good all because of this baby.
Don't be afraid to speak up let them know YES I did this in my past but now I'm working for the future of my child.
Unfortunally your X will be in your life and will continue to be there at least for the next 18 years.
At the moment BEFORE the baby gets here get your stuff together and prepare for a long custody battle.
Find an attorney that is willing to work with you tell them the truth and make them understand.
Put together a file which will include any police reports, divorce papers, pregnancy papers, GED , school papers .
This way you will have proof of the fact that your getting it right this time, Make a note to include in the file of every bit of abuse this man has given you.
Make the judge see that you are serious and want full custody rights and that this man is to abusive.
Also save any recepits showing where you have had to come out of pocket for this prgnancy with no help from him and tell the court that not only do you want to be reinbursed for minor expenses and medical bills BUT you want him to cover the cost of the divorce and the custody battle (you may have to pay half though, but don't be afraid to ask all they can say is no)
If he request a DNA be done do this only at his expense.
You will see that it really has nothing to do with him, in the end the court will make the final decision.

They usually favor the mother! Money isn't everything to the courts! Just be honest and Pray! You might have to take out a loan or something, but you really need a good lawyer! My prayers are with you! Good Luck don't get too stressed over I stay calm and possitive!

Retain an attorney and see if the ex can be made to pay for it. Consultation is free with most attorneys.