Me and my girlfriend.. broke up yesterday!

It was hard... she gave me the line "i had a bf, before you for 4yrs,then i had 3 weeks break, and i was wit you for 6 months, i need time too myself"

The thing is.. I believe her, its hard though! Like I know she isn't someone who will go hook other guys, now being single, she just wants time to herself, she's confused.. cos we broke up & we hung out for like 3hrs after.. like nothing happened?!

She said she loves me, and I love her.and I believe her, but she says she doesn't want to get my hopes up high, she's just very confused.. shes 18, I'm 19..

I'm not sure what to do, what's the etiquette, when she wants too see me so soon? Or we talk on msn? Or on the phone & text?

I want to be with her so bad.. cause they were the best 6 months of my life.. but she's confused & doesn't know what she wants, she said "she sees us together for a very long time, but is over relationship" contradiction much?

Last night.. we talked all night, during the day, we hung out & talked! I'm sure it wasn't me.. and its her, because she isn't someone who would break up and lie and say another reason.. we have such a good friendship, what does this mean? She wants to go too lunch tomorrow? Ugh!

Someone gimme some advice?

Hi There,

Sounds like she needs to give you some time to regroup. In her "confusion", she forgot that hanging out with a recent ex who still wants you is not good for either of you. Either she wants to be with you, or she doesn't. If she broke up with you, maybe you could tell her to leave you alone for a while. I realize you are both quite young, so things like this really can be confusing. I have done this before, on both ends. Her condradictory statement shows that she wants the best of both worlds, but your best is now compromised.

Only you can decide what's best for you. However, what I hear you saying is that you want clarity. You may find it by setting a boundary. Let her know it is difficult to hang out when you supposedy broke up, and tell her to give you some space.

Best wishes. Let me know how it turns out.

Michelle :)

It sounds like she likes you a lot, but just give the situation time. Just wait it out, and before you go into the next relation decide on what you want out of it before confusing each other. Just becaue you are dating doesn't mean that you ever intend on marrying each other.

Hi There,

Sounds like she needs to give you some time to regroup. In her "confusion", she forgot that hanging out with a recent ex who still wants you is not good for either of you. Either she wants to be with you, or she doesn't. If she broke up with you, maybe you could tell her to leave you alone for a while. I realize you are both quite young, so things like this really can be confusing. I have done this before, on both ends. Her condradictory statement shows that she wants the best of both worlds, but your best is now compromised.

Only you can decide what's best for you. However, what I hear you saying is that you want clarity. You may find it by setting a boundary. Let her know it is difficult to hang out when you supposedy broke up, and tell her to give you some space.

Best wishes. Let me know how it turns out.

Michelle :)

Time apart though... drift apart? I'm not sure.. first serious relationship, I know there will be plenty more girls! But atm.. I don't want more girls! I want her! Ahha...

You may drift apart, and you may find each other once again. But mixed messages will not help you heal, regardless of what the future holds. If she changes her mind, she can find you. But for now... what I am hearing is that she is not ready for a relationship. Do you really want to stay with someone who is unsure if they want to be with you?

I mentioned your age, because I know that I used to feel as though that one was IT, that I couldn't connect with anyone else in the same way. Well, I was right about the second part. Everyone comes into our lives for one reason or another... sometimes there is a lesson to be learned (most of the time, in fact). Other times, this person is meant to be your life partner, or soul mate. And then, there are times when you want them to be, but they just aren't IT.

I remember my first serious relationship. It was very special, to both of us. 15+ years later, he apologized for hurting me. Back then, it was devastating. I understand it's painful. I know you just want her. I know no one could convince me otherwise, and I am not about to do that to you. You need to find your path. So, blaze that trail! See what happens.

Michelle

Hi There,

Sounds like she needs to give you some time to regroup. In her "confusion", she forgot that hanging out with a recent ex who still wants you is not good for either of you. Either she wants to be with you, or she doesn't. If she broke up with you, maybe you could tell her to leave you alone for a while. I realize you are both quite young, so things like this really can be confusing. I have done this before, on both ends. Her condradictory statement shows that she wants the best of both worlds, but your best is now compromised.

Only you can decide what's best for you. However, what I hear you saying is that you want clarity. You may find it by setting a boundary. Let her know it is difficult to hang out when you supposedy broke up, and tell her to give you some space.

Best wishes. Let me know how it turns out.

Michelle :)

Again.. right at this moment, I don't see myself being away from her, even if its at friends.. we took so long to hook up in the first place, like we were friends.. good ones at that.. then when we started to go out, we became best friends! And now we have broken up.. she wants us to stay best friends, so do I.. I want more.. but I have to wait.. but I don't see myself having NC with her, she's just running through my head!

I wouldn't hang out like you are if you guys are broken up. She broke up with you and she should have to live with the consequences (ie you not being there anymore). You could be helping her ease her way out of the relationship by hanging out. When she finally decides she's ready to be completely free, you will be left hanging and it will hurt even more.

You clearly want more than she does. If you want a 'true' friendship to come out of this, you are going to have to disappear for a while until you have no feelings left for her. Truly gone, not 'maybe if I stay friends with her long enough she will fall back in love'.

I'm so bloody confused!

We just broke up 3 days... and I see her as my best friend, it was her decision to break up.. but I still think we could get bk togetha, because she needs time to find herself..

So we both decided to try hanging out as friends, chill.. like we did, before we went out!

Ugh.. not I'm not sure... we went to lunch, and I said OK well I'm going to go.. and she said I wanted to hang out... so we went to see a flick, then in my ear she drops me a line "u dont kno how hard it is, not to kiss you"! Am I spose to do.. then all of a sudden, those feelings which I hid so well, pop back up!

We then went to get icecream.. and the line "i just wanna cuddle you" comes up! Ahhaa

Does she want the best of both worlds?

Then I get 100 people who think they know what they talking about, when it comes to relationships, "you shouldnt see her" bla bla!

But who made those rules, that people can't be closer, after a break up?? Seriously!!

When I see her now.. I don't see her as a girlfriend, and as my best friend! I don't try to beg her back.. which I haven't done once! And yeah..

I see ourselves, hanging out heaps as friends.. we talk on the phone, trying to sort out "us" but I'm getting sick of the constant bombardment of people, trying to do this!!

I'm not sure what I want now.. as she saw my myspace.. and I had a comment from another girl, asking about our breakup, and she got so upset about it! Ugh!

What to do..

Im Confused Now Too Xxx

You said it yourself when you said:


does she want the best of both worlds?

She shouldn't have the power to break up with you, hang out with you just as friends, and then tell you bf/gf things like that she wants to kiss and cuddle you. No contact allows you to get some power back, and forces her to come to terms with what she wants... and what you want. She's only wishy-washy because you are letting her be. Lay down the law brutha!! Tell her to $hit or get off the pot!! :)

Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants either id just ask her what's going onand if she says I just want to be friends stop talking to her cause she's just messing with your mind

sounds like she doesnt know what she wants either id just ask her whats going onand if she says i just want to be friends stop talking to her cause shes just messing with your mind


I agree... I think she doesn't know what she wants. You obviously have feelings for her.
So go have dinner with her , sit her down and ask her what she wants.Communicate that everything she says effects you only because you have a history.
You never know what she really has on her mind until she tells you.
However if she is selfish enough to keep hurting you you must do whatever is good for YOU!

One thing for sure, as long as you are so available to her, you can't hang with anyone else can you. Hmmmmmm!

3 days and all of this?

I'm surprised she actually saw you so soon afterwards, what was the purpose of taking time?

Usually getting back together or analyzing (obessesing as the case may be) what she is doing comes a little later than 3 days. I think its counterproductive to see each other and hang out so soon after the break up. You can't really take in all that's going on and examine your feelings after such a short time, and having the person around all the time is just delaying those feelings.

I would give her time or tell her if she wants time she actually has to TAKE it, or else what was it for?

Seriously! Give it a go. Life is too short to wonder what might be. If you have a chance at happiness u should grab it with both hands. Getting back with an ex can be the best thing ul ever do

Remind her that you two have broken up and that it was her idea, then stay away from her. NC!

Hey guys

Not sure if you have read my other posts.. this is continued.. kinda!

Me and my ex, broke up a week ago, we broke up because she's had a boyfriend for a long time.. and needs time to herself, I found that fair enough?! She's 18.. im 19, I believe her reason, because we were so good together & we were best friends.

We then saw each other twice throughout the week, and just hung out.. talked etc... we then got influenced by friends and family. And said maybe its best, we don't be friends for a while? Its hard to comprehend.. but ill deal with it!

We maybe talk once a day since then, via text message.. but not voice!

Saturday night, she called me at 3.30am and 4.30am drunk as! And confessed her love for me, but she needed time, to sort herself out, and look after herself! I told her, I wasn't going to go into this conversation, when you are drunk, so we talked about each others night and left it... she then rang me an hour later, and said "u told me to call u at 4.30" I was like no, I didn't? She then replied "oh, must have been my imagination"... um... ok? Haha

Saturday night out with mates, didn't drink.. dont think it wouldve been the best thing to do, and my mate was trying to force me onto a couple of girls we met, real stunners, they were! I just couldn't do it.. one of them ,gave me their number, and I left and had an early night! Ugh! A week later.. and I couldn't do anything!

I guess.. the truth comes out when your drunk?

I'm stuck.. where I'm not sure what to do, because she has said this, do I back off still?

She goes to bali with her family in 2weeks.. maybe that time, is what she'll need? Relaxing setting, to figure herself out!

Time can be a good thing, I guess... but I told her a few days.. because she said she needs to get over me, to realise what she wants..

And I said "people normally fall out of love, not force themself out of love" I don't think you can force yourself out of it, so I'm not sure... she will always have a place in my heart, and ill just wait for closure or hope.. of something being resurrected, I guess?

Any opinions?

Ask her about what she said when she was drunk and tell her to have a nice vacation and think about what she wants and you will be there for her at least as a friend if nothing more when she comes back. Then let her make the next move (when she is sober).

Stop conacting her and stop answering her calls, time to move beyond this confusion and drama. Never believe a drunk.

OK here's a quick low down.

Me and my ex, broke up two weeks ago!

Her reason, "shes had a bf for the past 4yrs, she loves me, but needs to find herself"

OK.. for the past two weeks, I've confided in a another girl.we have grown close, but I have still had a lot of contact with my ex.

This other girl has told me, I need to think, long and hard. About what I want, who I want, and what I want to do? And she cant, go through heartbreak, she isn't strong enough!

I really like her, she's cool, we talk. But me and my ex have been like this, for 3 or so years.. and I think we will get back together, in the future.. if not within weeks, maybe months!? I think to myself, my ex is my soulmate, we are best of friends, we never fought. Just this happened!

I don't want to hurt either of them. But I know that will happen... ugh dilemmas!

I especially don't want to hurt the new girl, if something does eventuate. But I know my ex, would find out about it, cause these things, have a way, of coming out!

What am I suppose to do..

It's been two weeks since you broke up, and now there is another girl in the picture? That's not a good thing. I would give up on women for a while and work on you. Because there must be some sort of self-esteem issue going on that makes you turn to women like that. Seriously, go hang out with the guys or something.

It seems to me that you should tell your new girlfriend everything about your prior relationship and where you think it might be headed; most importantly, where you would like for it to go.

I'd be more concerned with the fact that you guys had just broke up AND she has had a boyfriend for 4 years prior?? How long were you with your ex for?

I understand her need to figure herself out. When you are in long term relationships, sometimes that stuff falls to the back burner when you are so focused on someone else. Not necessarily a bad thing either way.

Another thing to remember is that relationships that are on and off for some time usually don't work. Just experience talking here though.

Not much advice, but I would say... stay single, figure yourself out and if it was meant to be, then it was meant to be.

Ugh, Leave all these female completely alone. You are to confused to have a healthy relationship with anyone right now. Sorry, but I think your more afraid of being alone, than to be smart about the female your with/was with/are with. The new girl is right, you need a lot of time to figure yourself out, ALONE!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2179895

This is the whole story, to save confusion.

OK.
I'm a 19yr old male from australia.

So I've been apart from my ex for just over 3months.. and we haven't taken the orthodox approach. We hang out heaps, and we enjoy each others company, the last few weeks, we started hooking up again.. and I know it isn't good! But yeah.. it is good :p

We have stopped talking for brief periods during the 3months, but then always, started talking again, which is, what has happened over the past 3yrs. She tells me "she feels so comfortable around me" and I've heard that she has told mutual friends, she's thought, maybe it was a bad idea we broke up.

We broke up, because she had such a long relationship before us, but she needed time... ashe said if she wanted a boyfriend, it would be me.. im not sure if she said that, to let me down lightly or... but I don't think she's that kind of girl! Hmm..

I personally think, deep deep down, she wants it too work, but then on the outside, she's convincing/telling herself, or reminding herself.. she doesn't want a boyfriend? Make sense?

Ugh my heard hurts from it, to be honest.. ive been with a few girls since her, and I know when I'm with them, its not suppose to be like, what it was wit her, but it doesn't feel right with the others?

Someone help me?
:)

I would make yourself a little less available. I wouldn't say cut her off right now though some people will, just don't always be there. Get her to chase you a little. When she calls be "too busy" to talk. Flirt with other girls and make sure she knows about it though anything more than flirting will hurt you. If she has no risk of losing you, she has no reason to get back together. You want her to earn you, not the other way around. You have to take control and make her chase you. Play hard to get.

Is she busy in something? I mean studies or job ? If not then there is no reason to think like this I mean if she sees you as her future boyfriend then why not present... ask the reason

this really is a tight situation... a girl always confused about their situation and don't no what to to... and when they do ? It either too late for us men to wait or that she will be scare that you won't forgive her for broking up at the first place...

you spending time with her now which is good... but do you think that b.c of she still likes you or she think of you as a friend?. try to make yourself a little busy ^^ try to like just hang out with friends and be busy...

if she likes you and desperated to hang out with you she will call and makes her move...

she should be the one chasing you ^^ >... I am not saying play hard to get b.c it a dangerous game but just be easy a little ^^

best wish

You better let her knows that you won't be there forever! Let her think you just moved on, don't be always there.. dont call her, let she calls you! If she feels like she's the one for you, she will never make a real decision.

is she busy in something? i mean studies or job ? if not then there is no reason to think like this i mean if she sees u as her future bf then why not present... ask the reason

Yeah she just studied new studies in podiatry, I know she's very busy, 5 days a week.

this really is a tight situation ...a girl always confused about their situation and dont no what to to ...and when they do ? it either too late for us men to wait or that she will be scare that you wont forgive her for broking up at the first place ....

you spending time with her now which is good ...but do you think that b.c of she still likes you or she think of you as a friend ? ..... try to make yourself a lil busy ^^ try to like just hang out with friends and be busy ...

if she likes you and desperated to hang out with you she will call and makes her move....

she should be the one chasing you ^^ >....i am not saying play hard to get b.c it a dangerous game but just be easy a lil ^^

best wish

Hey man, thanks for the answer..

I stopped talking to her for a few weeks, then she'd contact me "where u been? i thought u died" and stuff like that.

Then last weekend I invited her out Friday night, she came, and we hung out. Then I had a quiet night on Saturday, and invited her.. she declined because what happened Friday night, she then rang me, half an hour later, saying she was coming over. The same on Sunday!

Ugh

I would make yourself a little less available. I wouldn't say cut her off right now though some people will, just dont always be there. Get her to chase you a little. When she calls be "too busy" to talk. Flirt with other girls and make sure she knows about it though anything more than flirting will hurt you. If she has no risk of losing you, she has no reason to get back together. You want her to earn you, not the other way around. You have to take control and make her chase you. Play hard to get.

Ahha thanks, yeah I must say, I have been with a few girls since her, not in pure spite, but I thought I was over her, and was time to move on.. I think I was wrong.

Because we use to work at the same place, she pretty much finds everything out, I'm not sure if it's a good thing or bad, but then when I see her, she'll ask 100 questions about the other girl, and I can see there's jealousy there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Simple Asian
this really is a tight situation... a girl always confused about their situation and don't no what to to... and when they do ? It either too late for us men to wait or that she will be scare that you won't forgive her for broking up at the first place...

you spending time with her now which is good... but do you think that b.c of she still likes you or she think of you as a friend?. try to make yourself a little busy ^^ try to like just hang out with friends and be busy...

if she likes you and desperated to hang out with you she will call and makes her move...

she should be the one chasing you ^^ >... I am not saying play hard to get b.c it a dangerous game but just be easy a little ^^

best wish


hey man, thanks for the answer..

I stopped talking to her for a few weeks, then she'd contact me "where u been? i thought u died" and stuff like that.

then last weekend I invited her out Friday night, she came, and we hung out. Then I had a quiet night on Saturday, and invited her.. she declined because what happened Friday night, she then rang me, half an hour later, saying she was coming over. The same on Sunday!

ugh

ahhhhh man easy it

don't call her b.c you bored... call your friend up... and hang out with them...

if she call you... not that I say you should say no.. but you no let her go sometime just like be busy... you too easy to get...

What part of hang out buddies, is it you don't understand? Comfortable, and available, and reliable. Disappear for a while, and she will be mad. Get another female, she will be mad. Send us a picture, so we can see what kind of collar and leash you have, as you are obviously very well trained. I know that was unfair, but she has total control, and you obey willingly. Fine for now, until she decides she wants something serious, and she takes you off the front porch, and locks you in the basement. You are way to attached to your friend, and need your own life, without her in it. You both are each others crutch.