nicolieolie5990
Nov 30, 2007, 10:31 AM
I recently found out that I actually am pregnant I haven't found out how far along yet though. My boyfriend wants a perternity test or jokes with me about getting one, he has no reason not to trust me what do I do? He makes me feel like crap I feel like if he has that big of a problem trusting me then this baby shouln't be on the way. All I do I come home home straight after work and I go no where what should I do to convince him its his ?there is no way it could be no one else also, I was wondering if any one had any advice for new mothers ?
jrebel7
Nov 30, 2007, 11:17 AM
Trust is a rare commodity in any relationship and not one to be taken lightly. If you are in love with this guy and want to make a life together with this little precious one on the way, (I do not subscribe that being a reason to get married), I would suggest that without hesitation, you tell the boyfriend you would be more than happy to have a paternity test at his expense. Let him take the responsibility of setting up the appointment, and paying for the test. You are making a baby together, the whole responsibility is not totally on you. He is the one having the trust issue. Even in marriage, there can be distrust but perhaps since you are in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship rather than marriage, he might feel you might have felt more freedom to date others without him knowing, depending on what kind of arrangement the two of you had. There are many variables. Do you live together? Has there been talk of marriage or a permanent relationship prior to the pregnancy. Was there an understanding between the two of you prior to the pregnancy that your relationship was committed and monogamous? So many variables as I say. If there is distrust now, I am concerned there would never be total trust and trust is an important factor in any relationship, whether just friends, or lovers, or husband and wife but the trust issue can be resolved if both parties desire it. The baby growing inside of you, is this a result of the love between the two of you or the result of just wanting and having sex with this guy? For you, this is important in looking at but to this baby, it is a non-issue. That baby is starting innocent, pure and of in need of being loved. If, by getting the paternity test, this might resolve the trust issue, do it. If you have the test but are going to feel resentment toward the guy, then I would say, let it stand as is and if he is in love with you, the two of you will resolve this with no test and perhaps have a wonderful future together with a miracle of a baby to join you. I am thinking that maybe the guy was just a little in shock when you told him you were pregnant and just reacted rather than thinking through the situation and his feelings for you. You don't mention your age. This would be another factor as to how to handle this. I desire the very best for you. I hope this helps in some way. I know I asked more questions than have advice and I am in no way an expert in any area. As one who does not trust easily, I guess I just know how important I feel that trust is in a relationship and just want you and the guy to look at this from the point of view of how much love is there between you, what do each of you want from this relationship and is there enough common ground to make this relationship a viable permanent situation with love and trust. By the way, in my opinion, there is no way to convince someone to trust. They either do or they don't. For your sake, I hope you will not take this on yourself to try to convince this guy. This baby is on it's way. If you and the guy don't work things out, and you choose not to keep the baby, please know that there are so many couples out there that can't have children and are just waiting on pins and needles, praying for a baby to become available to them. I am not making the assumption that you do not want to keep this baby other than when you said you weren't sure this baby should be on it's way. I am sure you will have other responses and many better than mine but please know I am happy to visit with you on Private Messaging or through this public forum anytime. Again, I do desire you to be happy, content, and you deserve to be loved totally by the person you choose to be with the rest of your life.