I need some advice please!

Well I have been working with this girl for a year. We got along really really well. We even look the same, everyone mistakes us for each other and we like the same things. Anyway our boss left, and since she has the most experience she has been promoted as my supervisor as it has been impossible to find a new boss. Anyway for the last few weeks she has been acting very strangely around me. Ignoring me, not talking to me, not turning around to say good morning (just little things). So I confronted her on Tuesday asking her if anything was bothering her, or have I done anything wrong. She assured me there was nothing wrong and she is just cut up in her work. Then the next day, I go about my daily morning tasks which turns out to be a really bad day for me (like having to line up for 20 minutes at the post office). My supervisor/friend then in a very stern voice tells me that she does not think its good enough that I have not started my main job (registering) and tells me that I need to get my act together and stop talking while I work. I explain to her I got held up at the post office waiting for the work parcles, but she still tells me it isn't good enough and I need to work faster and more efficient. I had tears coming out of my eyes while I worked, trying to hold back crying. She tried to break the ice I suppose by saying something funny but I was too upset to joke around and say anything. The next day nothing improves and we are hardly speaking to each other unless we have to. She then speaks to my other supervisor about us not getting along. So I speak to the same supervisor and give her my side of the story. She suggested a job swap where I go into another department for a few days. This does seem like a good idea to me but I would rather sort things out. What do you suggest I do. Should I approach her, or should I let the dust settle on its own. I do not want her to hate me and I want to get along with her again. Please help! :(

Hello,

I have some thoughts for you just from what you have told me. This person became superviser and as a superviser she knows that she needs to be tougher and not show how friendly she is with you because others would consider it favourtism. It sounds like a very tough situation for both you and this other person. As far as being tougher with you, some may say that there is a lot more pressure being a superviser and maybe this person is not handling as well, or maybe getting a swelled head because of the new position. I would suggest you talk to this person and explain to them how you feel and ask what is happening? In your own calm words. If then you are not satisfied, a job swap might then be the only option but there would be a possibility that when you decide that a job swap is necessary then do not be surprised if it may be permanent. This is a hard situation and it happens often. I know this is easy to say but do not try to take it personally but maybe the if the swap happens it might relieve the pressure and possibly continue the friendship? Hope all works out for you.

Joe

Hi,
Joe gave a very good answer, which I would like to follow up on. Having been a Supervisor/Manager for about 22 yrs, in the past, (retired now), I can assure you that your friend (the supervisor) has a LOT on her mind. You are still her friend, but not the same as it was.
A Supervisor cannot be "best friends" with the employees, in many, many workplaces. This shows "favoritism", which can "kill" any Supervisor.
She is trying very hard, probably too hard, to not show any favoritism toward you, and sounds like she has gone too far in this direction.
I highly suggest you take a position in another department, with a different supervisor, for awhile. Give your friend a chance to "calm down", so she can be a good Supervisor, not just one afraid of how far she can go with having a good friend working under her. It will also give you a better outlook on working with someone else, a new Supervisor.
There is nothing wrong with you, it's just your friend, not knowing how to act, and might be going to "extremes" right now. I do sincerely wish you the best, and PLEASE go to the other department, for your own "peace of mind".

It is very very hard to be friends and also be the boss of another person.

First sadly as a friend we know what is being done that perhaps should not be done, then we have to work hard not to show any favortism to our friend, In many cases we go too far to make sure people know we don't.

Next it is a supervisors job to "get on to us" when your friend got on to you, would have any of your other bosses done the same? Most likely.

Best thing is to work in an area that is not under your friend.

Let me tell you supervisors are pretty cool but not when they are new at what they are doing. Why is that? Because the new ones have their heads inflated with this "im your supervisor and i get to boss you around. ha ha ha.now get to work foolish employee!" plus they are trying to impress the nice supervisor that everyone loves. When she gets some more experience with what she's doing shell chill out. If not shell really miss her friend.

Your friend is a superviser now and you must respect and abide by this,if you can't a change in scenery is advised,but if you just do your work the way your told she may ease up on you.Its never easy to supervise a friend but over time she'll settle in and I bet it won't be so bad.If you are her friend you need to understand her too,it cuts both ways.Good luck. :cool:

I had the very same problem at the last company I worked for. 'D' joined the company as an Accountant. There were several others of us around the same age group that got on really well. We all used to go out together outside work and 'D' became part of that. The Chief Accountant retired and 'D' got promoted. So effectively became the Accounts office supervisor. He stopped chatting to us like he used to and refrained from going out with us. He would accept our invite but would cancel at the last minute. I still go out with my old work colleagues and 'D' still has an excuse for not joining us. It's nothing personal; just business.

Admittedly 'D' did chill out after a few months and started chatting to us again - but the thing is he is now in a supervisor role and there are certain expectations of you. It's always easier to go in as a supervisor in a new company where you don't know anyone - but a lot harder to do when the staff your supervising are your friends. 'D' was always very stressed out as well - so I always took it upon myself to keep him smiling and to help him out with his work as much as I could so that the pressures did not get to him. He was very appreciative and I think that contributed to him chilling out. It is a very different ball game being up at management level.

Try not to take things to personally - you just need to grin and bear it for the time being. Things will setlle down and your friend will chill out - she is just getting used to the change and her behaviour is the result of that. We all cope with things in different ways.