I have watched a close friend struggle with alcohol and other drugs for a few years. He has admitted he has a problem, gone to rehab, got in a near deadly car accident, and recently spent months on the couch recovering. He tries to get off everything... but especially when doctors prescribe him pain medication he ends up slipping up... at least once a month. I have tried every aspect of support, denial and barganing. I am out of ideas. I don't want to leave him to waste away. I don't want to give up on him, but is that the only logical thing to do? We are best friends. I love his company when he is sober. What can I do? I am so sad and frusterated
Please help

All you can do is be there and encourage the good actions and behavior. :( I know it's hard, I grew up with an alcoholic parent.

You will find support for yourself on this site. We are good listeners as well as supporters here. Does he attend A.A. meetings?

There is nothing physical you can do for your friend. You cannot fix him, cure him, or make him want to fix himself. You just cannot. There are endless numbers of people who have cajoled, beg, pled, cried, bargained, bartered, sold their soul (so to speak) for the alcoholic and to no avail. If it does not come from them, for them, nothing is going to work.

You can do other things - pray for him, pray that he opens his heart and his eyes to his condition and will honestly seek help; you can offer emotional support but do not give him money or bail him out of any problems; the best thing you can do is for yourself. If he is not going to join AA then you join an Al-Anon Family Group (for friends also). If you are not well, you cannot be even helpful to yourself. Alanon Web Site (http://www.alanon.org.za/)

Hi drock,

Cloughs' question is the first of many we will have.

I am a recovering alcoholic with other depressive disorders also.

Often times the drinker will go to extremes(drinking, getting in car wrecks, falling off the medications when prescribed... etc) thinking they are not doing anything out of the ordinary,the disease of alcoholism is a powerful force and will make all around it frustrated and ore than ready to abandon their friends.Sadly, sometimes, this is the only answer,lest we become enablers(Enabling - Enabling and Alcoholism in the Family (http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa052197.htm))

If you really want to do something, do it for yourself first, attend AL-ANON meetings, this is not AA, it is for the friends and family(supporters) of alcoholics(you might be surprised what you can learn at these meetings,even without being an alcoholic yourself)

While attending these meetings you'll get advice as to how you will deal with your friends addiction,coping skills, boundries,finding peace in your life beyond helping your friends.This, I think, you have in you,other wise you wouldn't have written in here, Right?

He has been in rehab, he knows(the seed has been planted) about AA,NA or whatever program they suggested after treatment, if you want to not be so sad, let him deal with his side of the street, its his mess,you, on the other hand, need to see things clearly from your side, and properly deal with him on YOUR terms, not his delusional, drinking ways.

Find a boundary you will not pass beyond, set that goal, and do not compromise this set boundary.Accomplish this simple task and begin the road to your own recovery from being a shoulder for a still suffering alcoholic to rest his head on.

Your worth it, I can see this from your writing,don't doubt what you can accomplish, with or without him in your life.

Hope this helps,

Ken

Al aon will help you. Personally, you can do nothing... but give your support, and prayer. You have to keep looking for outside sources that will aide you in your quest, I wouldn't give up hope, It's a life, and it's our job to help keep him/her here, especially when their someone we care about. Keep the communication line open with your friend, even when you think it's hopeless. Talk and understand, even when you don't, support, even when your tired, and never give up, cause they already have. When it's really over, you won't be the one who controlled destiny, but you will be the one who tried.

Continue to encourage him and remind him of his positive side. Get him to interact more with people in Sobriety communities and groups like the AA. I am sure he will pick on one he admires and use him as a focal point to enhance his zeal to fight the problem. Seek the help and guidance of those who have been in his situation for they are the best teachers. In all this do not forget the good in hi and thus do not give up on him. Patience pays my friend, be strong for both of you however trying it gets.