jealous_girl
Nov 19, 2007, 04:28 PM
Ok, I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 2 months. We were introduced by a common friend in March, 2006.
I met said common friend in 2003. We became friends immediately. He's older than me, but we just got along well. After almost a year, I fell for him, and even though I knew he didn't like me back, we started a friendship with benefits. I hoped he would eventually fall back for me (I was young, 15 years old actually). Well, we never had intercourse, but I did give him OS.
I also hooked up (just made out) with a couple of other guys. I met them at parties, and just for fun, we kissed and never saw each other again. That happened with two guys. I also had a crush on a guy and he knew, and I posted stuff like "you're really cool!" on his blog. There was another guy who liked me, who I didn't like but was my friend, and sometimes we hung out to chat and exchange records. My boyfriend knows this last two guys (they're friends with his brother... small town, etc.)
All of this, makes my boyfriend ANGRY. Really, really angry. He disapproves of it all! But what makes things worse is that at the beginning of our relationship, he told me "I don't want to know anything about your past". However...
... 6 months into the relationship, and he got jealous of the common friend. He asked me if I ever had had something with him. I panicked, because I knew I could lose my boyfriend. So, I denied it. I guess I did it because:
1) I didn't want to lose him (selfish, I know)
2) I knew it was like opening a Pandora's box because he's a really jealous man
3) Why bring something from the past, that would put unnecessary stress on the relationship?
4) I had never felt comfortable speaking about that matter with NO ONE, not even my girl friends.
But as I got so nervous, he asked me again and I told him the truth... not the whole truth. Again, I wanted to keep my privacy, but he started digging up my past in such an accusatory way, that the more he asked the less I wanted to answer. So I lied a couple of times again because of the pressure... I know, what a mistake! But then again, this is my first boyfriend. He then started asking about the other aspects of my past, including my crushes and I told him the truth, but he got very mad every time... and he disapproves my past.
We were fine until a couple of days ago. Sure, for more than 6 months, we have been arguing about these issues, and he has broken up with me a few times but later regrets it. He claims I hurt him deeply, and that's he's still hurt and not sure he'll ever forgive me. He has called me names, and made up stuff only with the intention of hurting me (he says I deserve being treated this way). He says if I truly loved him, I would've been honest, and not made a fool of himself (like he has never lied to his mom, huh? He has, and he can't say he doesn't love her!). Yet he won't break up! He says he wants to trust me again, but is afraid I'll lie again.
What's up with him? Is there any chance we can mend this relationship? (We almost never fight, but when we do it's quite messy) We're usually fine, most of the time, and it's great, we have a lot in common and we just click! But are we doomed? Should we break up? Why does he stay with me if I supposedly have ruined his life? (Although when we're OK, he says I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him). I'm so confused, any advice?
I really DO love him, even though I lied. And he DOES love me, even though he tries to hurt me emotionally. He has abandonment issues (his father left him), and has been cheated on by previous girlfriends (I would never cheat on him, but he thinks because of my past and the lying that I will). He's older than me.
(P.S: Sorry for the length! Thanks!)
I met said common friend in 2003. We became friends immediately. He's older than me, but we just got along well. After almost a year, I fell for him, and even though I knew he didn't like me back, we started a friendship with benefits. I hoped he would eventually fall back for me (I was young, 15 years old actually). Well, we never had intercourse, but I did give him OS.
I also hooked up (just made out) with a couple of other guys. I met them at parties, and just for fun, we kissed and never saw each other again. That happened with two guys. I also had a crush on a guy and he knew, and I posted stuff like "you're really cool!" on his blog. There was another guy who liked me, who I didn't like but was my friend, and sometimes we hung out to chat and exchange records. My boyfriend knows this last two guys (they're friends with his brother... small town, etc.)
All of this, makes my boyfriend ANGRY. Really, really angry. He disapproves of it all! But what makes things worse is that at the beginning of our relationship, he told me "I don't want to know anything about your past". However...
... 6 months into the relationship, and he got jealous of the common friend. He asked me if I ever had had something with him. I panicked, because I knew I could lose my boyfriend. So, I denied it. I guess I did it because:
1) I didn't want to lose him (selfish, I know)
2) I knew it was like opening a Pandora's box because he's a really jealous man
3) Why bring something from the past, that would put unnecessary stress on the relationship?
4) I had never felt comfortable speaking about that matter with NO ONE, not even my girl friends.
But as I got so nervous, he asked me again and I told him the truth... not the whole truth. Again, I wanted to keep my privacy, but he started digging up my past in such an accusatory way, that the more he asked the less I wanted to answer. So I lied a couple of times again because of the pressure... I know, what a mistake! But then again, this is my first boyfriend. He then started asking about the other aspects of my past, including my crushes and I told him the truth, but he got very mad every time... and he disapproves my past.
We were fine until a couple of days ago. Sure, for more than 6 months, we have been arguing about these issues, and he has broken up with me a few times but later regrets it. He claims I hurt him deeply, and that's he's still hurt and not sure he'll ever forgive me. He has called me names, and made up stuff only with the intention of hurting me (he says I deserve being treated this way). He says if I truly loved him, I would've been honest, and not made a fool of himself (like he has never lied to his mom, huh? He has, and he can't say he doesn't love her!). Yet he won't break up! He says he wants to trust me again, but is afraid I'll lie again.
What's up with him? Is there any chance we can mend this relationship? (We almost never fight, but when we do it's quite messy) We're usually fine, most of the time, and it's great, we have a lot in common and we just click! But are we doomed? Should we break up? Why does he stay with me if I supposedly have ruined his life? (Although when we're OK, he says I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him). I'm so confused, any advice?
I really DO love him, even though I lied. And he DOES love me, even though he tries to hurt me emotionally. He has abandonment issues (his father left him), and has been cheated on by previous girlfriends (I would never cheat on him, but he thinks because of my past and the lying that I will). He's older than me.
(P.S: Sorry for the length! Thanks!)