Well I meet this girl last two months in a club,she kind of came to me,we talk and stuff ,she asked me if I would love to have baby's I say yes,we had a date in two days time and had sex in our first date.I travelled to vissit her in her country I meet her parents and friends who all liked me.we lived together for two weeks.now she wrote to me I rude email and I responded by telling her to off,I broke up with her and after two days I went back to her.she say she need time to think things out because I disrespected her yet she loved me,she still love me.she say she need three weeks which I was had for me then she say two weeks.its hard for me what can I do and will she come back to me pliz I need your advice

I think she enjoys the thought of making babies but not the reality that it can happen. She sounds like she is playing at being a grown-up. Give her the time she asks for and then see what happens. In that three week time span, DO NOT contact her. Do not call, email, write, or send anything to her. Leave her alone. After three weeks, see what happens. Also, in that three weeks, you go about your life and be busy. Life goes on. That may sound hard but it is true. You started with sex, you did not have any time to get to know her well enough to know if you want to have children together. How were you going to raise those children anyway?

I think she enjoys the thought of making babies but not the reality that it can happen. She sounds like she is playing at being a grown-up. Give her the time she asks for and then see what happens. In that three week time span, DO NOT contact her. Do not call, email, write, or send anything to her. Leave her alone. After three weeks, see what happens. Also, in that three weeks, you go about your life and be busy. Life goes on. That may sound hard but it is true. You started off with sex, you did not have any time to get to know her well enough to know if you want to have children together. How were you going to raise those children anyways?


Thanks for that,actually she is 29 years and am 26 years,I wornder how

Hi my girl told me she needed time off to think of what she want.it was a two week oof then today she broke up with me.will she ever come back because I love her still,what can I do

hi my girl told me she needed time off to think of what she want.it was a two week oof then today she broke up with me.will she ever come back coz i love her still,what can i do
I don't think she will come back. It sounds like she does not know what she wants. And if she cann't see a good thing in front of her then that's her bad luck.
A great book that might help is "He's just not that into me" but Greg Brehandt I know it is usually for women but I've found a lot of others who benefit.
Good luck. I know it's hard to move on but there is someone out there waiting for you.

My girl friend broke up with me two months ago.I was so hurt she say will shall never be together.I moved on with my life.now am in another relationship happily with another girl.all of a sadden she want us to meet in april;she has been texting a lot and she say she is happy we are good friends and she wants us to be good friends for life.she told me when we broke up she cried a lot.whats her motive?what can I do?should I go on with friends with her or messaging her?

No. Being friends with your ex is not fair to your girlfriend. (Your ex broke up with you. Why was she crying?? )

Text your ex that your life has changed and you are now off limits for her, forbidden to her. Then say goodbye and good luck. After that, have no contact with her. Absolutely none.

my girl freind broke up with me two months ago.i was so hurt she say will shall never be together.i moved on with my life.now am in another relationship happily with another girl.all of a sadden she want us to meet in april;she has been texting alot and she say she is happy we are good friends and she wants us to be good friends for life.she told me when we broke up she cried alot.whats her motive?what can i do?should i go on with friends with her or messaging her?

I totally agree with the last post. You do not owe her anything. She broke up with you. You have been brave enough to cut off contact and move on, she has not. That says a lot about you and your strength as a person.

Being friends will only complicate your new relationship, and might even ruin it.

Unless you are interested in your ex still? But be careful, she may be messing you around.

Of course she wants to be friends with you, she can have her cake, with no commitments, but does she care you have a new love? Heck NO! You don't have time for her, and she blew her chance, and you have moved on. Let her know your busy with your happy new life. No Contact is fair, for HER!

Hi my girlfriend went for three weeks trip and she is coming back soon.I will be picking her up from the airport what are some of the best romantic ways or things to do.is waiting at arrival with a red flower OK?

If she's not coming back that soon, you can get some roses and order gourmet chocolate here: Gourmet chocolate covered strawberries and chocolate dipped strawberry. (http://berrygourmet.com/default.asp)
Haha
I hope that's not going over the top

One long stem rose would be perfect. She'll love it. :) Godiva is also good!

If I am back from a long trip abroad, the first thing that appeals to me would be my favourite food that is only available in the local market.

Be it her favourite doughnut, favourite milkshake, favourite sandwich etc. U can bring it along with that rose in your hand. First, hand her the rose and say how much u miss her. Secondly, take out that box of food and let her know u went all the way to buy it. This works best if she misses the food (if she went to another country for the trip).

Another idea that will make most women melt is a self-made bracelet or anything that is self-made and can be seen as personal. U can go to a bead shop, get the beads with alphabets on them. Spell out "I MISS U" and chain it up into a bracelet. Wrap it across her wrist when u meet her and give her a peck on the cheek. She will know that when she was gone, u made the effort to do something for her.

My girlfriend of two months has stop calling or texting for a week now.I wrote her e-mail no reply.I lost her number with my phone so I can't reach her yet she has my phone number.usually she would call or text after two days or so.but since she went to work in another country where she was four years before I meet her she has stop now stop calling or texting.is she avoiding me?is she busy or what can I do.I love her so much.

That's tough- do you know any of her family or friends?


She is either really really busy, or she is "walking away" from you. Did you receive any indicators of her being displeased with the relationship before she left?

Don't be so clingy and needy. She is having a great time, and is busy, so don't just sit by the phone, find something else to do, besides fret and assume.

She's just moved away, she's finding her boundaries and getting used to things, don't be so clingy she will call eventually, don't think about it so much

Well, I have been seeing this gril for like six months now.tow months ago she told me that she wanted a pause in our relationship I didn't understand that when I told her we break up she said no we have a pause I told her its OK with her for me my life moves on.few weeks later she started calling and texting that she is sure am the right one for her.she is ready for me to meet her parents and she want to move in with me.she say she now loves me.should I move in with her. Is it true that she love me or she is after something else.my fear is that she may again say she want a pause.I aske3d her about this and she say she wanted to clear her head that's why she wanted a pause what can I do

Or she saw an opportunity with someone else, and learned that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. I would wait another six months to make sure it's a good idea.

From the way you handle things between you and her, I don't think you love her. You told her it was OK when she wanted a pause and you could move on. You didn't dig up a reason, and you did nothing to save the relationship.
And I don't think she loves you either. It seems that the "important" way she shows her love is to move in with you. It is just a physical thing for you two.
Before being in love, why not try to be good friends?

Remember,
Friends first
Then marriage,
Then sex.
Moving in together turns thing up side down. Not a good idea. Besides your post does not say much about loving her, just dating for 6 months. Probably a better idea would be to take another break and decide how much you really want this girl in your life and for how long.

Remember,
Friends first
then marriage,
then sex.
Moving in together turns thing up side down. Not a good idea. Besides your post does not say much about loving her, just dating for 6 months. Probably a better idea would be to take another break and decide how much you really want this girl in your life and for how long.

Not everyone agrees with this. Sex before is marriage is fine if within your beliefs. That's not the applicable situation here.

I don't think 6 months is long enough to move in together. I am not saying wait until you are married but wait at least a year or two. Personally I think people should live together before they get married. What if you get married and find out the person is a living nightmare to live with then you are stuck.

MOVING IT?? As if that was going to solve your problems.. Just decline, besides after 6 months she wants a break, and then come back out of the blue wanting to move in and having you meet the parents.. I don't think so.

MOVING IT??? As if that was going to solve your problems.. Just decline, besides after 6 months she wants a break, and then come back out of the blue wanting to move in and having you meet the parents.. I don't think so.
That's what I was saying... seems fishy to me..

The poster is only asking about moving in and not about sex before marriage. We must resist our "speechifying" tendencies, eh people? I'm a big speecher, too, so trust me, I know how easy it is to go into "lecture mode" about stuff we weren't asked.

Anyway. What to do? Well, if you don't mind living a life like a puppet on a string, just keep taking your lead from her and doing what she wants. That will only work if you really love her and have no need for say-so of your own.

Is that how you are? You don't have any actual opinions about the right and wrong way to do things? You're OK with her dropping in and out on her whims and you just do as your told?

If not, but you still want her back, stop taking instructions from her. Start giving some of your own:

"If the pause is over, that is fine. But you will keep your home and I will keep mine. My independence is very important and I know you will respect me for it. I learned that during our 'pause', so thanks for that. And we can start seeing each other again, but I've decided we will take things nice and slow, no pressure and no more silly business. I'm sure you agree, yes?"

Take some control here, no need to be mean, just no need to be a doormat, either.

Very good advice, AS USUSAL, from JBeaucaire!!

You didn't care about a pause in the relationship, and I really can't see why your even considering moving in with her, or meeting her parents. You never even said you missed her. I don't think you two fit together, or even care about each other, so stay where you are.

Hi greetings.I have been dating this girl for like six months now and I love her so much.thre months ago she wanted us to pause our relationship.I didn't want to pause but I surgested that we should end it.she didn't want to end it either and also decided not to pasue.she say the reason for her wanting to pause was to think things out.after two months we became serious and she even pay for me my hotel and trip to go meet her parents.I had great time with her parents and they like me a lot .I spend two days at there home.now this girl is ready to move in with me.and she say she is in love with me.she never have loved someone like the way she loved me.also she say am the only boy friend her parents liked. Is this girl for real?can I let her mve in?will she nevr want to pause again. she want to meet my family also.what can I do.

What can you do?

Go with it!

If you love her just as much as she loved you then you would make it work. Love is like that. Are you ready to make such a commitment?

She is moving to fast for you, and has it in her head to jump to the next level, and your not ready. Resolve this conflict by being honest about how you feel, and listening to her concerns. That takes some honest communications between you, and a willingness to work together. Now is not the time to just go with the flow, as boundaries need to be established, by you both. Communicate, and express your concerns.

Greetings. What if she tells me she loves me so much and she is ready to settle with me.she say she has travel and seen all she wanted and now she has move in another serious step of her life.she say she was sorry for the pause thing.and she say she is truly in love with me.should I let her move in because I love her so much and she did asked me to forgive her.I have meet all of her friends and parents.is she for real can I take a risk and try things with her out.

I think you should take a chance you will never no what will happen if you don't try.. I did the same thing with my husbent and now were married

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After what you have been through, 6 months is not enough time to resolve your issues nor know each other well enough to know where this should be going. Slow down and have some fun getting to know each other and build the trust needed for living together, without the pressure of being to close to fast. What's the hurry.

You both have to know for sure your willing to work together, and not just be together.

Well,I moved in with this girl and its now one week.since she move in when ever am from work I find her with her friends who are gilrs watching movie in my house.she has two months off before she start work and when she start work in September she will be going away from home every hree weeks.since she been here she has been so into sex and close to me.she don't want me to go out to be with her indoors.does she love me.she say she love me and want to us to have wedding one day.she talks of her giving me half of her salary for me to invest for our future.whats her intention.is she after this two month.can I keep on or should I go on with my life and pretend as if she doesn't exist.I love her though.pliz help.

You may as well enjoy it, because from your previous posts it will never last. You both may think this is love, but I really don't. Sorry, but I have read your whole story, and don't see that everlasting love as you do, and I only think she is in it as a convenient, fun thing to do, and can use sex to keep you guessing, but doing nothing except what she wants. Sorry guy, I think your gut is telling you something you need to hear.

Greetings.my girl moved in with me awhile ago.she has long term plan with me.she is even considering us having engaged in few days.in a nice island.she is paying all the coast.she buys all the rings.she trust me with her money after moving in with me for like for a month now.she want me to invest the money for our future.is she real in love.sometimes she makes me sad when she say something or when she react in a negative way and after she say she never wanted to make me sad it happened and she really feel sorry.can I trus this girl and go on with her.what is she up to.

?? She is paying for the ring and all cost BUT she wants you to pay for your future and everything else?

Not sure the situation here BUT
Sounds to me like her thinkin' is
I invest a couple thousand and in return I end up with a house, all the furnishings, a car, vacations and whatever I want. The couple thousand a small investment to my return.

If that is the case and you still want to go through with it I think you better do some planning ahead for yourself as well. Like suggest a pre-nuptial agreement and see how she takes it. Or put some money somewhere that she has no way to get to it.
Protect yourself somehow. I think you better be sure before cause she could find a way around anything you try.

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If this is the same female, I would think twice.

Agree with Tal, money doesn't mean the best relationship or trusting person.

[QUOTE=talaniman]https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2973708

Can you spell/smell gold digger?

This is what I wrote 10 days ago! What has changed??

Jul 4, 2008, 11:05 AM.

You may as well enjoy it, because from your previous posts it will never last. You both may think this is love, but I really don't. Sorry, but I have read your whole story, and don't see that everlasting love as you do, and I only think she is in it as a convenient, fun thing to do, and can use sex to keep you guessing, but doing nothing except what she wants. Sorry guy, I think your gut is telling you something you need to hear.
__________________


.

For a wedding present she might as well invest in a 14k gold collar and leash for you!

Hi all I have a girl who move in with me awhile ago she always never want to go out with me if I bring the topic if she lend me money she expect me to pay her back yet me I do lots of things for her without any expection back she say she loves me almost ten times in one day is it love what do you guyz think.she is always indoor and she she move in with me I have stop being withfriends my work is getting slow since I want to stick with her in the house pliz help what can I do

Got to address this one by one.

1. she never wants to go out. Any reason? Perhaps she doesn't like your friends... doesn't like going where you go? Do you try to make plans to do some things that she likes? Perhaps with her friends?

2. if she lends you money, you have to pay her back. There's really no room for argument there. If you lend her money, and you don't ask for it back, that's on you... but whenever anyone lends money, it's expected to be paid back.

So she's a homebody, and you're not. Moving in together is a big move... and some things change. You may have to tone down the going out thing by a little, so you spend more time with her, but also leave room to go out with your buddies once or twice a week. Perhaps you can plan something that she likes to do... if not, grab a movie, and stay in once in a while.

I can't tell you if it's love or not... no one can. No one really knows the two of you, nor the kind of relationship that you two have, so that's a tough thing to do. Regardless, you two need to sit down, talk about this (the going out part... spending time together AND spending time on your own... everyone needs space every now and then).

Hi I love my girlfriend so so muh. Her birthday is so soon like in two weeks time.and I will be traveling with her to celebrate her birth day with her family.whih gift can I give her that she will love and remember forever.bear in mind that her ffamily will be there
I love her so much

The best gift you can give is something that comes from the heart, something that took time and creativity to make. Material things really aren't the best things to give... It is hard to say because I have no idea how long you have been together and how serious you guys are.

All right well my name is Chey and I'm going to do my best to help you out on this one... Well if I were your girlfriend... Im not one to ask for anything. For my birthday my boyfriend knew just enough about me to make it a day of me.. He started by cooking me breakfast and then serving me in bed... which I found really cute... Then he even picked out what he wanted me to wear and had me put it on. Then we went to see a movie he took me out to lunch a Ruby tuesdays. Then we hit the mall where, when I was in the ladies room he ran over to this Jewlery store apparentally because when I came out that's where he was walking back from. I just kind of looked at him weird and he insisted he had to go home. So we got back to my house. And to my surprise no one was home... Something I should have guessed... That's when I knew this was all a plan he had with my family. So we got in the house.. Good thing I brought me keys and there were streamers a cake and dinner set up for 2. There were candles everywhere which helped me relax. He took me to the table, we ate. Then he took me to the couch located in the living room... he sat me down put his on my knee. And spoke these words.
"I've never had to such a hard time shopping for someone. I guess its because i care so much about you that i just didnt want to screw things up."
At this point he picks up a remote and hits the play button and our song started to play... when the chorus came up he hugged me and whispered it into my ear. Then he pulled away and I smiled and he handed me this little box.
And told me to open it...
When I opened it and looked inside my heart stopped. A few years before this my grandfather died and he had the picture of me and my grandfather engraved on a necklace. And on the back it had the date he passed away and it said. " I know you'll never forget him... " and just as I was finished looking it over admirring its beauty. He was putting it on me... and handing me another one.. And it was the first pic me and him had ever taken together well as a couple. And on the back it had our anniversery and on the back it said " ... Just like ill never forget you. Happy birthday. " I just melted... it was the best thing In the WHOLE world... and it was really cute... there is no other day that could top that. Ever.

**Heavily edited**

Greetings. Its close to two years since my girl move in with me. I have been the one spending money, and paying for everything for her. Treating her well. I even paid for her flight to go visit her parents. We have plans for the future, but of late we have been having fights a lot especially about money issues since I have not been working for one month now, and if I spend any money on her or like for instance when I paid for our flights to go see my parents she complained a lot that am wasting money. I am a Christian, and devoted to my Christian walk, but she is always against us going to church together. She criticize my faith, I can't listen to gospel music the way I use to. If I ask to go out with her like for dinner, she insist we eat in the house, and she brings unnecessary fights.
Lastly she now wants us to have separate economy because she say I am not spending wise, yet am not earning money since am out of work. What should I do? Is our relationship falling? Please advice

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Maybe some adjustments are needed. By you both!

Change maybe best, what kind is up to you.

Peace and kindness

Part of dating and relationships is finding someone that has common interests, goals, and values as we do.

It looks like there are some issues with the some of the important key aspects such as Religion. Its important that you both be on the same page when it comes to these ideals because it can cause major problems down the road. (another one for example would be if you wanted kids but your partner didn't)

I highly suggest you reevalute your current situation and see if you're willing to live with her demands and views. At the end of the day you're ultimately the one who will be sleeping in that bed you made, not us.

Good luck

Hi everyone, I seriously need help.I love this girl.she tells me she loves me like 100 in a day.we have been together for one year now.the problem is.she never want to go out with me.but before I meet her she was a big fun of clubbing and going out.whenever I asked her we go out even if its for dinner she always say she want to eat at home. And if we go out in a restaurant she start dozing and sleeping immediately.when I ask to drive her home to sleep such that I go out alone she don't want and it result into fights.sometimes she shouts at me and abuse me then later she say she is so super sorry.what can I do?why is this happening?

If you really love her, sit down with her, tell her how you really feel, make her see things from your perspective and also let her know what's at stake. Then you can take things from there.

Sometimes you need to have breaks, if your missing nights out then say to her... "look i dont mind staying in with you but there are going to be times that i want to go out and see friends aswell"

Being in eachothers pockets (especially when its doing something you don't want to do) can ruin the relationship, you will end up resenting her for holding you back


Xxx

What odd behavior! Is she drunk or high when you take her out? Or is she just trying to send you a passive aggressive message that she doesn't want to be out? Sit her down and let her know that it's necessary for your sanity that you get out of the house every now and then for dinner or clubbing. You should go out with friends if she doesn't want to accompany you. If she becomes hostile to you for going ahead and going out, then you've really got a problem. I'd end it if she a) still won't go out with you; or b) won't go out with you and won't let you go out with any of your friends, either. Good luck!

Above everything else why do you stay with someone that is abusing you? Abuse is never an answer and it's uncalled for.

Why do you stay with girl because in no shape or form is this love and if this is love I wouldn't want no part of it.

I think you can do better without her. She sounds like a miserable person that don't like to do anything but knows how to be abusive, leave. What is there to talk about?

Have you sat her down, and worked together to define the boundaries of this relationship?

Have you sat her down, and worked together to define the boundaries of this relationship?

Have to share reputation.

Yeah, you really have to start opening up a communication line. Successful relationships require a strong communication base. Just confront her about it.

If you think that a lady is going to be a clubber her entire life, you've got a lot to learn. But if she becomes just completely boring you need to talk with her about it when she's in a good mood. Tell her how you miss the fun her and can't keep with somebody who doesn't want to do anything. Actually you might also want to ask if she's doing any drugs to make her act that way.
If after a couple weeks there's no change in her activity, you should probably break it off. While it may hurt both of you now, she's not going to change and it'll hurt a lot more to stay with her for several more years and then break up.

-Mouse

Hi everyone.am in a stressfull position. Well, I was living with this girl in my countyr for like 3 years in my house.we decided to move to there country in europe .so I had to sale all my house stuff,I sold my cars and even stopped my company that was doing well.the reason for moving to europe with her was to further our education. I have been with her in europe now for two months but since I get here it has been fights after fight and lots of preassure. First it was preassure of knowing there language, the driving school pressure even though I know how to drive and I have an international driving license. I went to driving school and am now taking language classes for their language but still there is preassure of her telling me to look for job.I don't know where to start I have only been here for two months.all my money I gave in her account before we move and she says they will end soon.I love playing soccer and I have a talent in soccer I believe socce will take me somewhere soon and I will play in a big team considering that am only 23 years.she hates me playing soccer and she always complain when I go for training.. she want me to take any job so long as it pays.yet that's not what I want.seriously what can I do.should I go on with soccer or move back to my country things are not working out

You have given up a lot for this girl and she needs to realise that.

She is making everythig about her and not taking your feelings into consideration.

Did you want to move to another country, or were you pressured into it?

You need to talk more about yourself with her... tell her your feelings and how hard you are finding things, not just assume that she knows what is in your head.

The soccer training that she complains about I can sort of understand.
If you need money and a job then that should take priority.
Even if you are excellent at soccer it is a very high risk getting into sport... not many people make it into the big time and she may see it as a waste of time.

Reason with her... tell her that you have soccer practice at (insert time) but you will go job hunting after wards... set a schedule for your week so that she can see you are doing something.

What else are you going to give up for this girl? A good company, a house, cars, a LIFE and now she wants you to give up soccer. Where do YOU draw the line?

It's always very stressful moving, changing countries and learning a new language.
Of course you're fighting - who wouldn't be?

I think that she's right - if you're going to stay you need to get a job. Try to see what work you can do until things settle down and you can make a more objective assessment of your situation.

There is a big lesson here - never put all of your life into the hands of another person. It was a huge mistake to put all your money into her bank account for a start.

Some couples just constantly fight all the time. I think when that is the case, you should be with someone more compatible, that way you ll be more happy.

Greetings.am writing this while shading tears.well,I love my girl who is currently 4 month pregnant.. the issues is that she get annoyed of small things shout at me,bang the door,pull her hair and scream at me.its so muc,it was like this even before she was pregnant.I have talk to her before about this and she promise to change.but few weeks down the line the same thing happens again.I love her and I am really treating her well,her parents and friends love me so much.its getting worse and I don't know weither I should go on or walk out of the relationship.when its good then its good but when she get annoyed she shouts and I fear that she scream telling me I hate you!I hate you and calling me names.
I need help seriously

If you're in an abusive relationship you should seek some help- I mean relationship counseling. If your girlfriend does not recognize this as a problem- then she has some issues she needs to work out, and maybe it would be okay to take a break from each other for her to compose herself.

If she does recognize this as a problem, you can go to counseling and get some tools on how you can work this problem out. If it is getting physically dangerous for you to live with this woman, I would get out, and suggest she seek counseling for herself.

If it is an anger problem, and a verbal abuse problem, it can be worked out by both of you.

When your female is pregnant, you don't take her emotional outbursts personally. You make sure she has whatever she needs whether she curses you or not.

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I have followed this relationship from the beginning, and see nothing changing, and surprised, that your still there. But in fairness, after she has this baby, you need to be a lot more assertive in what the boundaries of good behavior are. Seems she needs more than talking to.

Being in an abusive relationship is awful and will eventually destroy every bit of your self-confidence and love for her UNLESS she gets help.

I agree that it's not a good time now to push the issue, as her hormones are surging, but after the baby is born you need to address it with her. If she won't listen, talk to her parents, her friends, and/or a counselor. She may need a type of intervention to actually realize how bad her behavior is.

Whatever you do, don't let this behavior occur in the presence of your child, or your child may end up as an abuser too.

Good luck!