Hello,
My girlfriend and I have apparently split up. She gave me no indication of her intentions to begin with. Therefore, since she has stopped calling or seeing me I can conclude that she no longer wants to be with me and is seeing another guy. We last saw each other on September 4 of this year. Since then she has called twice, once from her phone and once from her friends phone over a week later. She left no message either time. I did not call her back as I was ticked off at her for not spending more time with me and some other issues(will explain later). It was not until September 26 that she called again, leaving no message as the last time. I did not return her call as I was in no rush to talk to her. Now it is approaching the two month mark and I have continued to maintain no contact with her. I have no idea as to why she stopped seeing me because we saw each other on a regular basis when our work schedules permitted. If she called me, I would answer or call her back if I had a chance. Even if I did not return her call, she would just come right on over and see me anyhow. She was usually the one that called first and she has told me in the past that she wishes I would start calling.
Prior to our separation, I have noticed several things that really jump out at me that are disturbing.
First, when we were together, she would receive calls on her cell phone from other guys that she works with. When confronted, she always insisted they were just friends and nothing more. She was always very secretive about what was contained in her phone. I told her that she could look at everything in my cell phone as I had nothing to hide. Second, when we were able to spend time together, she would usually show up at my house in the late morning or early afternoon. I work a 6:30 P.M. to 5:00 A.M. schedule 5 days a week. She works during the day. Therefore, the time we were able to see each other was limited. If I had the night off and she was off, however, she never wanted to spend the rest of the day with me-she would usually leave my house about 6 or 7 in the evening. Her excuse was, "I have been out all day and I need to go home and check in with my parents." I had a hard time buying that since she is 25 years old and should be able to come and go as she pleases even though she still lives at home. This is why I have had no desire to call her. I have known her for 10+ years and I can detect it when another guy is in the picture. She has cheated on me several times yet I have forgiven her. I have never cheated on her and prior to her first infidelity, there was nothing I would not do for her. Each time she cheated, my respect for her diminished even though I took her back.
The only other reason I can think of for her sudden aversion to me might be because she noticed that I have a subscription to Playboy magazine. One day when she came over, my kitchen table was littered with papers(bank statements,etc) and bills that I had working on. One bill was a renewal from Playboy. After she had sat at the table for several minutes, I removed everything and put it away. I would never look at her bank statements or mail so why should I let her look? Truth is, I'm a 31 year old guy on my own and I can look at whatever I want. It seems hypocritical to me that she would leave me over Playboy when she has slept with 3 other guys behind my back? When she did that crap, she never officially broke up with me. The first time, we stopped talking over a month. When we finally resumed communication, she said a guy liked her at work. It turns out that this guy was her new boyfriend. Basically, it looked as though we were back together-she was seeing me and even sleeping with me. It turns out that she was sleeping with the other guy too. The second time was before and after our daughter was born, while I was chauffering her to the doctor, she was fooling around with somebody else. After the birth, I found out that she took a bath with this guy although she swears nothing happened. I don't believe it, however. As for our daughter, she was born with a heart defect and died 11 months later. I ended up taking custody during the time she was alive as it was determined she was not a fit mother due to some psychological issues at the time and her parents wanted no responsibility. The third time, she stopped talking to me for two weeks without notice and out of blue shows up on my doorstep. She ended up telling me that she had been seeing somebody else and that they "did it."
I just stood there and laughed at her because by then I was not fazed by her crap. She practically got on her knees and I took her back.
This issue has been tormenting me to no end as to why she now avoids me. Is walking away from her the right thing to do? Should I try to reach out to her again? I still dream of her and deep down maybe I still love and care for her. I feel that if she feels the same, she will return. Now I'm not so sure-the finality is starting to set in. Am I right for maintaing no-contact with her?

She has cheated on me several times yet I have forgiven her. I have never cheated on her and prior to her first infidelity, there was nothing I would not do for her. Each time she cheated, my respect for her diminished even though I took her back.
The third time, she stopped talking to me for two weeks without notice and out of blue shows up on my doorstep. She ended up telling me that she had been seeing somebody else and that they "did it."
I just stood there and laughed at her because by then I was not fazed by her crap. She practically got on her knees and I took her back.


Im sorry buddy, I really do, but do you think she is worth anymore ? 3 times? Common, stop this game, you are not showing any respect from your part. And even thinking of her, right now, you are not showing respect again. Even talking to us, about her, was not worth. You may love her, absolutely true, but you have to love yourself first. You may respect her, but you have to respect yourself first. And its not because of a Playboy thing, people cheat on other people. That is ridiculous. The girl has problems with herself, emotionall torments, and she know she may go and may come every time she wants, because already she knows you are taking her back. Now, she is even amplificing this power of her on you, because you are now the one who thinks to reach her out. Think of this. Think of Hate! I know, its tought, but you have to feel like it, you have to cultivate hate in yourself for this girl. Im someone who believes in compromises, but there is only one chance of compromise. As they say, make me fool once, your mistake, make me fool twice, my mistake.

First, I'm so sorry about your daughter. As a parent myself, I can only imagine the grief.
Leave this woman alone!
There is no reason for you to contact her unless you're really in to roller coaster relationships. If she wanted you, she would be there. You sound like a decent guy. Get a life that does not include her.
I wish you well.

It really seems like getting as far away as possible from this girl is the best choice of action. With her history, I think I would guarantee the cycle of cheating repeating itself. Don't take her back, no matter how hard she begs if she comes back.

No, don't walk away from her ; run away from her and don't look back!

Hello,
This may be late in coming, but I appreciate the replys to my question. I am definitely going to stay away from her. It seems the more I think of how she has treated me in the past, this can only eclipse any good feelings I once had towards her. Before I posted here, I struggled with the urge to reach out to her again. I keep telling myself she will change, but now I know that is not the case. I'm not going to waste anymore time or money on this girl. I think from my actions toward her in the past, my love spoke louder than words. She reminds me of a car I once had-it broke down numerous times until I finally got rid of it. Like that car, she is now somebody else's problem. As for me, I'm moving on to bigger and better things. Thanks again for your replies and take care.
Sincerely,
Jason

You have made a wise decision and I wish you well.

Hello,
I'm probably going to get the third-degree over this, but here goes. My ex, who I have not contacted in nearly three months begins speaking to me sometime after Thanksgiving. She says that she thought I was not interested anymore. Thus, she did not attempt any contact with me either. We were seeing each other up when our schedules permitted up until September. All of a sudden, she stops seeing me and calling me. In return, I went NC because I thought this behavior was indicative of an affair based on the way she has treated me in the past. Again, she complains that I don't call her and I need to do more of it. But relationships work both ways, I want to see some interest from her before I invest the time to call her.
The long and short of it is, she started talking to me again after Thanksgiving. She said we were still together but that I needed to call more. I tried, but I see no reciprocation on her end. She saw me a couple of times, we even kissed but she seems reluctant-no passion whatsoever. The last time we talked was on Dec. 20. I told her I loved her before hanging up, but she said nothing. After that, I said to myself. "Screw it! I'm done!" Since then it has been NC and even though she has told me that nobody else is involved with her, I think that is pure bunk. She has been acting really strange. What do you all think? If you want to scold me and tell me what an idiot I am for this, I'll understand. Thanks! Jason

I got lost on the time line. Apparently, NC has been successful for you. You don't sound all emotional and torn up. But you may be willing to accept too much blame for failure? I think you have to watch that. You said, " ...I see no reciprocation on her end." That says a lot to me, because I understand what you are saying. She is hurting you, so back to NC.

I don't get what you saying ? Can you be more specific?

I think there might be a song that says Love is a two way street? Your situation seems to be a one way street, and probably has a dead end...

After reading your other posts, Dude run and don't look back.

Tal.. what happened to the other post ?

Simple Asian-
To answer your question-we(me and my girlfriend)were okay up until September. All of a sudden she stops seeing me and calling. She has cheated and lied before so I assumed the relationship was over and cut her off. When we talked again after Thanksgiving, her excuse was that I never called thus showing no interest in her based on that. The fact is, she knows where I live and if she really wanted to be with me, she'd see me more and make time. When the relationship was working, she would call me and I would call back. She would just show up on my doorstep more often than not. After we started talking again, I tried calling her. She never made a sincere effort to call me and from the way she acted when we saw each other between Christmas and Thanksgiving, some things did not rub me the right way(no pun intended). She had me under the assumption that we were together again, but still would only see me maybe twice during this short period. She acted like it was a big chore to even kiss me but yet would say she loved me. I finally went back to NC on Dec.19-mainly because when I called her she really wasn't talkative. I got her a little something for Chrisitmas and I told her what it was since it wouldn't arrive until later. Her response was, after a few labored moments of hesitation, was,"Awwwww!" Before hanging up, I said "I love you" like a stupid idiot. She said nothing. I then asked,"Did you hear me?" She's like, "Yeah, I heard you." She then says to call her later. I just nonchalantly said, "Oh, I may if I feel like it." She then said, "Don't be that way." Anyhow, that phone call sent me the other way and I haven't heard from her since.

Dang tough luck dude... I am sorry man... as far as things go likes this.. you no better than me that... run away dude... it not worth it

Hey!
As for that Christmas present I mentioned a few replies back-I took it back. She deserves nothing from me. I'm going to use that money to help pay down a loan that I am only a coulpe hundred from paying off. It would bring me a lot more joy than to give that ungrateful b**** anything.

tal ..what happend to the other post ?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2232915
If you click on a persons name and click on view profile, you will got to a page that lets you access all their questions. A helpful tool to get a clearer picture.;)

U two are playing games!!

Why did u stop contacting her after September? Coz u thought she was not interested. That was a huge mistake. She could have thought the same way too, that u are no longer interested because when she was trying to find out whether u miss her or not, u merely kept quiet and started NC.

My guess on why she is reacting that way:

1) She was losing attraction for u around September.
2) She met a guy that seems promising, but she is reluctant to let go of u, so she wanted to test u to see whether u really love her. (thus the lack of interest to call or contact u)
3) U practised NC, so she thought she had her answer.
4) So she allowed the other man to pursue her.
5) She probably missed u or her relationship with the other man did not work out.
6) She contacted u again on Thanksgiving and tell u she wants u back.
7) But she wants to be pursued again, that's why she told u to call more often. (she wants to feel wanted)
8) When u kiss her or had other physical contact, she realized that it was not as 'hot' compared to the other man she was attracted to, so she withdraws.
9) She is probably bored of your "games" too because u sound very vengeful and has an I-Cant-Be-Bothered attitude.
10) So she let nature takes its course. If u call and pursue her, u will get her attention. If not, she is willing to cut contact (since in her mind, u let the relationship go).

Lavenderly,
Me and my girlfriend were fine up until September and then all of a sudden she stops calling and seeing me. I have backed off pursuing her because she has hurt me plenty of times in the past by cheating and lying. Thus, I am reluctant to shower her with the attention that I used to. We have known each other for over 10 years and even had a daughter together. We shared the pain of losing her less than a year later to a rare, rare heart defect. I guess that is why I still can forgive her time and again.After the way she behaved the last time we saw each other, it looks as though there is somebody else in the picture. This has happened before so I'm just going by experience. She always thinks the grass is greener on the other side when she gets bored with me, then leaves for somebody else, realizes it isn't what is was cracked up to be, and finally returns. It may not happen this time, but regardless I have my pride and I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of being pursued while she is involved with somebody else. My actions in the past have shown that I love her, yet things changed when she cheated. If she wants me, she'll be back. If not, I've got my pride intact and I'll meet somebody else. I've invested a lot of time and money(bought her an engagement ring several years ago which she has never returned) but I am willing to walk away.

Hello,
My ex-girlfriend sent me a text message this morning saying she has a Christmas present for me and wanted to know when she could give it to me. I was tempted to respond with, "Why not mail it? Then you won't have to go through the trouble of seeing me." I came close to sending the message but decided against it. Ignoring her is in my best interest. Seeing her again would just give me false hope that things will eventually work out when the relationship is obviously broken and she has to be seeing somebody else. To top it off, she texted from a new cell phone number, not her usual. She either changed her number or used somebody else's phone. In my last posts, I went into more detail about what happened. We never formally broke it off, she just stopped communicating with me and seeing me like she used to. I construed that to be a sign that she is interested in somebody else, so I shut her off and did not call her for over three months. Shortly after Thanksgiving, she contacted me out of nowhere. We saw each other twice between November 27 and December 19. She acted extremely weird. When we kissed, the passion was absent and she tried to avoid it. She still said she loved me and that things would improve if I called more. I tried calling and when I finally got a hold of her, she could hardly say two words. She expects me to call her but makes no sincere effort calling me. Relationships are a two way street. I figure if she shows interest(and I've known her for 10+ years-I can tell when she is and when she is not.) I was stupid and bought her a Christmas present, but after not hearing from her on Christmas and New Year's, I took it back. Now she is wanting to give me my present after the fact? Come on! I feel like I'm throwing any chance of reconciliation away by not responding but the weird way in which she has been behaving tells me that I am just beating a dead horse if I see her again. What do you all think?
Thanks! Jason

For your own self protection, don't see her and do not accept the gift. She sounds like a player and you don't need that anymore. Block her phone number, block her email, and keep yourself busy with other more important parts of your life. You don't need her messing you up again.

Shygrneyzs-
You hit the nail right on the head. If history is any indicator of the future, she is seeing somebody else right now but wants to keep me around when things don't work out with the new person. If I were to see her again, it would just be the same old crap-no affection, saying she loves me, beating the ol' "You need to call me more and things will improve" drum, and seeing me every other week. If she really loved me, she would call me too and see me as much as possible. I even envy my nephew's relationship with his girlfriend. They talk every day, text each other back and forth, and she even bought him a Nintendo Wii for Christmas after his XBox was stolen. It is clear that she loves him. My ex has cheated on me time and again-I've never cheated on her yet she expects me to take her back no matter how much she hurts me. I've invested 10 years of my life on her-I don't even know where to begin in finding somebody else but I'm going to try.

Sounds like you are on the right path, and more power to you. Waiting for some people to learn or wake up and make some sense out of life, is like waiting for an oak tree to become a fossil. It doesn't happen often, and isn't worth the wait.

Wishing you the best of luck. I know it is hard after a break-up, especially when the ex plays those head games.

Pat yourself on the back, fellow. Your doing the right things for yourself.

You are the man. I went through the Same situation. My ex actually ended up mailing me my gift, and told me when we got back together I could thank her. Now weeks after hearing that nothing has changed, I wish in the beginning I could have been less ignorant and in the spot you're in now. But don't change your stance, you're doing the right thing.

Hey!
Thanks for the replies oneguyinohio, talaniman, and DMBacoustic! Haven't heard anything since from her. I kind of had a feeling she would just show up at my doorstep but things have been quiet. I was tempted to call her old cell phone number to see if it was out of service and if indeed she changed it. The only reasons I can think of for her changing the number is she is getting harassed or she wants to avoid me(but I doubt it if she wants me to call her so badly).

Hey!
She sent me another text message on Saturday, Jan. 12, this time it said:"Is this bear?(that was her nickname for me because I used to send her teddy bears and flowers all of the time when we had something that halfway resembled a legitimate relationship) I have your X-Mas presents(or Ex-Mas present-ha, ha)." Again, I ignored it and have not heard from her since. She can expect not to hear from me. Jason

Hello,
This has really been bothering me to no end... I keep ruminating over what happened between me and my ex-girlfriend. We have known each other for over 10 years and have been serious off and on for about 8 years-even having a daughter together who unfortunately passed away at 11 months due to a heart defect. I had proposed marriage and to this day she still has my ring(and when I bought it at the time, I really put myself in the hole financially!) Up until September of last year we were okay-she saw me and talked to me when she could since I have an odd work schedule of 40+ hours per week on the "graveyard" shift. Granted I did not call her everyday, she was usually the one that called and more often than not just showed at my house spontaneously when she knew I was off from work. I really showered her with a lot of love until that first time she was unfaithful. Every time she cheated during those 8 years, I backed off further to the point that she wonders why I am not as romantic as I used to be.
To make a long story short, I feel guilty for pushing her away. When we did talk between Thanksgiving and Christmas of 2007, she kept saying, "Call me more and things will improve." I've been reluctant to call because I think she is seeing someone else. She did not so much as text message me on Christmas or New Years.I have been in No-Contact now since Dec. 19,although she has sent me several messages(on Jan. 8 and 12) saying she has my Christmas gift. I took the Christmas present I got her back. Nevertheless, I ignored her both times. So I haven't called-I feel if she really loved me she'd make as much time for me as possible. This has really been grating on me-I feel as though that if I called her everyday and was more romantic, then this bullcrap would never have started back in September. We've never been out of contact like this and it is driving me nuts!! What do you all think? Jason

Based on your history, I don't think it would be a bad idea if you let her talk to you if you are ready to hear what she has to say.

Why did she cheat on you? With how many men? How long (years, weeks, days?) was this going on?

If she cheated on you, and you don't know why, or if it's because she just wanted to have fun or see what else is out there, then I wouldn't put too much hope in this relationship.

Or... or... 10 years and you aren't married? That could be a reason she cheated on you. She's tired of waiting for you to finally tie the knot.

But first things first. Talk to her only if you are ready. Don't go out of your way, let her do the work because she's in the position to do so. Then be open and frank with her. Take it slow. If it just doesn't seem right, for any little reason, then back away and search for your next.

EuRa,
She's cheated plenty of times. The greatest slap in the face was when I found out about her latest fiasco after our daughter was born-she was kissing some other guy on the mouth and who knows what else while I chauffered her to the doctor for ultrasounds and when she went in labor. I was in the delivery room and saw every precious moment of my little girl's birth, ignorant of the fact that once again she cheated. She leaves, never formally breaking it off and giving me closure, then comes back when she finds out the chump she left me for is a bust. She always uses the line,"You need to call me more." I recall a similar incident back in early 2003 where we didn't speak for over two months and she's out having sex with one of her co-workers. She had the nerve to come back and fool me into thinking we were back together, thus she was carrying on two serious relationships simultaneously. She's probably immune to me going No-Contact with her, but who cares. She's only losing me and throwing 10 years down the toilet. Jason

Hello,
I've posted on here several times concerning my ex. What happened now? I did not contact her for over a month after a brief break in the silence between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I went back to NC because I saw no hope in the relationship and I needed to move on. She sent me two text messages in early January concerning a Christmas present she had for me-which I ignored her both times. Yesterday, she sent me another text message and I am ashamed to admit it, but I cracked. Again she said she had a Christmas present for me and asked when she could bring it to me. I shot back with, "What do you want from me?" She replied, "Just to give you your present." I then said, "You do not want to be with me and until then, stay out of my life.' She asked, "What does that mean?" I reiterated with another message, "It means that you do not want to be with me-any idiot can see that and until you want to, stay out of my life." Then she asked, "Does that mean you don't love me?" I replied, "It means that YOU do not love me. I had several nice presents for you but returned them. I told you I loved you but you don't. She sent a separate message telling me the days she was off from work and I told her the same. Since then, she has not replied so it's back to NC unless she specifically lets me know that she wants to reconcile. As I've said before, she has to involved with somebody else to be contacting me sporadically. What's more, she can't call for some reason-its always been text messages. Maybe she's ashamed of something? Why do our exes play these games? I seriously want to get over her but every time I get some time and space between me and her, here she is again. I've focused on nothing but her for the past 10 years that I'm afraid to meet girls out in public or at work. The first step I'm going to take is buy or check out several books on how to meet women. I know this sounds crazy but after being wrapped up for 10 years with just one girl, I need to get in circulation again. As for the ex, I feel weak that I responded to her yesterday but at least I set the boundaries. I don't want nothing less than a total relationship
With her, anything less than straight to hell with her-I will not compromise. Again, why do our exes torment us like this? How can I move on and meet somebody that will truly make me happy without making a bad first impression? I know I've posted on this subject but as always, all responses are appreciated. Thanks, Jason

Well, you were a bit angry in your text. So... I think her response is, WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM? You got a bit emotional. Regardless, what's done is done. You did what you had to do. Just keep this post as a reminder of what happened... and try not to make the mistake again.

Granted, I don't know your story... but from the looks of things, whether your ex was playing games, you don't really want to show the emotional side. A good way to blow off that text was to simply say, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I DON'T THINK I CAN ACCEPT THE GIFT or something like that.

She may/may not be seeing a new guy, but that shouldn't matter to you. Return to nc. Do what you got to do. Good luck man.

All responses appreciated? In that case, you sound like a little brat throwing a temper tantrum because you can't have your way. Maybe you should CALL HER and calmly explain your feelings and say "please don't contact me." or if you don't think you can do that write a letter to her explaining "i meant it when i said i loved you and it really just hurts too much to talk to you at all right now blah blah blah." or whatever you're story is. Don't engage in the text messages if you find them upsetting. All you have to do is delete them!

Well, I wouldn't go that far justcurious55... sometimes our emotions get to the best of us.

I know that if my ex contacted me my third week of nc, I wouldn't have responded very nicely as I was still very angry about the breakup. Is it wrong to blow up like that? Yes. Could it have been avoided? Yes. Could he have possibly messed up his chances of getting her back? Possibly.

Jason, the way you responded probably turned her off quite a bit from you... she was testing the waters to see how you were doing, and who knows, she was possibly coming back a little bit and you snapped, so there's a good chance she won't be sniffing around for a while. But then again, she did tell you when she was free, so who knows?

Just remember. Keep your composure. Keep it cool. Nonchalant/apathetic is what we're shooting for.

Hello,
I've posted on here several times concerning my ex. What happened now? I did not contact her for over a month after a brief break in the silence between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I went back to NC because I saw no hope in the relationship and I needed to move on. She sent me two text messages in early January concerning a Christmas present she had for me-which I ignored her both times. Yesterday, she sent me another text message and I am ashamed to admit it, but I cracked. Again she said she had a Christmas present for me and asked when she could bring it to me. I shot back with, "What do you want from me?" She replied, "Just to give you your present." I then said, "You do not want to be with me and until then, stay out of my life.' She asked, "What does that mean?" I reiterated with another message, "It means that you do not want to be with me-any idiot can see that and until you want to, stay out of my life." Then she asked, "Does that mean you don't love me?" I replied, "It means that YOU do not love me. I had several nice presents for you but returned them. I told you I loved you but you don't. She sent a seperate message telling me the days she was off from work and I told her the same. Since then, she has not replied so it's back to NC unless she specifically lets me know that she wants to reconcile. As I've said before, she has to involved with somebody else to be contacting me sporadically. What's more, she can't call for some reason-its always been text messages. Maybe shes ashamed of something? Why do our exes play these games? I seriously want to get over her but everytime I get some time and space between me and her, here she is again. I've focused on nothing but her for the past 10 years that I'm afraid to meet girls out in public or at work. The first step I'm going to take is buy or check out several books on how to meet women. I know this sounds crazy but after being wrapped up for 10 years with just one girl, I need to get in circulation again. As for the ex, I feel weak that I responded to her yesterday but at least I set the boundaries. I don't want nothing less than a total relationship
with her, anything less than straight to hell with her-I will not compromise. Again, why do our exes torment us like this? How can I move on and meet somebody that will truly make me happy without making a bad first impression? I know I've posted on this subject but as always, all responses are appreciated. Thanks, Jason
Do u think she really love u

Hey,
Thanks for the replies. Yes... I will admit that I am angry. She never leaves me any closure when she does this crap-she just breaks from the routine(calling me, seeing me. Etc) on a regular basis when our schedules permit. I don't understand why she can't just say, "My feelings have changed...I want to be just friends...etc" If she told me this, you bet I would be angry but I would just go NC-friendship is out of the question. I'm not the type to stalk, try to get revenge, or the like. When I texted her back, I was just stating the obvious. If she wanted to be with me and loved me, she would respect the fact that I work a lot of hours to pay the bills and live comfortably since I am on my own she would have never left me in the dark like this. This crap has been ongoing since September when she suddenly stopped seeing me and talking to me as usual. She's either with me or she's not. If she's not, I have no use for her.

Hey,
Got a text message earlier today from my ex-girlfriend. She basically said, "That was rude of you to take back my presents when I have yours at home." As soon as I read that, I started typing a reply which said, "Rude? What am I supposed to think when you stop seeing me and talking to me?" Caught myself just in the nick of time before hitting the send icon. I'm proud of myself that I ignored her. If I did send the message, I'm sure her reply would have been, "Well, you stopped calling." If you suspected your girlfriend of seeing somebody else(i.e. acting weird, over the limit on a credit card that was opened recently, lack of attention, lack of affection-basically just an abrupt change), would that make you think twice before calling. She's done this before, and there is usually another guy involved. I sort of find the whole thing funny-I've loaned her money before but never asked for it back and I tried to show her that I wanted to make another go at it when we started talking briefly after Thanksgiving. Then I bought her Christmas presents but really showed me no interest on her end so I went NC and everything went back. Do you think this girl really deserves anything, even if she still has a present for me? (Which, by the way I heard nothing from her on Christmas or New Years.) Jason

She is entitled to her opinion, but yours is the one that counts. Stay with no contact.

So let her give the present to her next boyfriend... what do you care? You're out of there.

This has sort of happened before? Your instincts are correct, and your actions are 100% perfect. GJ to you, sir.

Hey,
All I can say is, "Amen to that!" for every one of your replies. Seriously, what does she expect? For me to call her everyday and show her attention when there is another guy in the picture? Maybe there isn't another guy, but over the past 5 months all of her actions are indicative of another love interest based on her history. As the old cliché goes, "you can't have your cake and eat it too"-so it is with her. Had we continued to reconcile when we started talking after Thanksgiving(seeing and talking to each other on a regular basis), then I would have not returned her present and went NC. We made love once during that time and I honestly thought things were going to improve. But when I talked to her several days before Christmas(I did as she said, I called her), that blew the deal. I told her, "I love in you..."-several other co-workers were around to hear us talking and I felt embarrassed. She said nothing and for some reason that just left a knot in my stomach. I asked, "Did you hear me?" She's like, "Yeah, I heard you." Then she told me to call her and I said, "Oh, I may if I feel like it." During that conversation, she could hardly say anything. I had a feeling that maybe she was out with her new interest and tried to keep the words to a minimum. I then resolved to go NC. Christmas passed... nothing from her. New Years passed, still nothing. Then out of the blue on Jan. 8 she texts me wanting to give me a present. I don't want her present... I've given her plenty and never asked for it back. She even has my engagement ring and I don't plan on asking for it back. Jason

Kids, when ignored, will misbehave to get at least some negative attention from their parents. Way to go for not letting her goad you back into a pointless interaction.

Any other messages or missives you receive from her, just agree mentally... "she's right..."... then delete away. Calm preserved. <sigh of relief>

Good one :)!

And congrats on not sending anything back to her

You don't even owe her a reason

Always trust your gut instinct. 99% of the time its right. Trust me I've been burned many a time not listening to that little voice in the back of my head that was telling me that something was going on. My advise would be just to move on and let it go. You've already said before that you have been through this before so how many times more are you going to continue to do it. I mean really is this someone you would want to make a life with and you don't even trust that person

She deserves nothing, you need to stay away. Rude, Not really. You keep the no contact and it is better to keep it that way. Like others have said, you do not owe her anything.

Hey!
Another resounding "Amen". This situation with her has left me ruminating about what went wrong. I saw a lot of signs that I did not trust and therefore stopped contacting her back in September . She further reinforced my suspicions by not contacting me or coming over to see me for that matter. When we started talking again, she said that she thought I wasn't interested anymore and that I stopped calling. I confronted her with, "Well, I thought you were seeing somebody else." She just shrugged it off and denied it. Of course, I think she started this garbage. She'll probably tell you that I started it by not talking to her anymore. Well, I'm going to finish it. I'm glad I'm not alone with my opinion. Take care everybody! Jason

Sounds like she's just trying to start drama because she doesn't have anything else better to do. And if she's a repeat offender as you stated then she doesn't deserve your time and or attention. I wouldn't waste another minute thinking about it. The nerve of some people

Hey!
In response to the previous post-I couldn't agree more. I think if she really wanted to come back, then things would not have deteriorated the way they did a month ago when we started talking again. She has been really immature in the past and evidently has some brain damage because she fails to comprehend the consequences of her actions and expects me to be okay with her just dropping out of sight without so much as telling me that things are over. I sort of regressed earlier this week when I responded to her text messages. Basically, I told her that she did not want to be with me and to stay out of my life until she does. She asked me if that meant that I did not love her anymore. I told her that she was the one that did not love me. I regretted giving in and responding to her-sort of pouring out my feelings in the process. When she texted me again yesterday accusing me of being rude, I just ignored it. She wants to have her way and keep me around as a friend and an occasional romp in the hay, but ignoring her will speak louder than words that I'm not going to stoop to her level. Maybe she's trying to be cute in front of all her friends and trying to boost her ego by getting two guys after her but I'm going to have no part of it. Jason

I think you hit it right this time. She's tying to have the 2 guys chasing her thing. But you're not biting or playing along. Gee, that's not going to be much fun for her. She'll get bored with the whole thing and move on to greener pastures to play games on someone else soon.

And you, you lucky guy, will be off in another direction with a wonderful new Miss Right.

Hey!
I'm trying to move in a different direction and hopefully Miss Right will be along soon. There are several girls I have my sights set on but I have no idea as to how to approach them without setting off any alarms-I am extremely shy. When you've invested 10 years on one girl it's really hard to get going again. Thanks for the kind words of encouragement and take care. Jason

Hey,
The ex-girlfriend sent me another text message-this time informing me that she returned my Valentine's Day gift(funny, she had supposedly had a Christmas present for me several weeks ago.) In an earlier post I said that I returned her presents and she in turn called me rude. I ignored the message where she called me rude. Night before last, at about 10:00 in the evening, she struck again. The fact that she returned my present came as no surprise but she just had to send me a message to stir up some drama again. This time I cooly replied, "That's okay. You had every right to." She replied with, "Why's that?" Then I laid the coup de grace on her, "I took back your Christmas presents so I deserved it. I was a jerk." Since then, I've heard nothing. I figure if she's going to send me smartass text messages, I might as well play along and kill her with kindness just for the fun of it. Now its back to NC. It'll be interesting to see if she replies. If not, its NC. I expect some more smartass messages in the future. Would it be more graceful to just ignore her or BS her just for the fun of it? Thanks! Jason

Haven't we talked about this already in another thread?

"It'll be interesting if she replies"... NO, it won't be. We all talk to you in good faith about this stuff, but to find out you pretty much ignore what we've suggested, did more of your own pointless texting... posting here about the new texts won't garner you new insights.

This is all pointless, stop talking to her. Unless you really prefer all this melodrama.

You'll only encourage more drama, headaches and problems. If you truly want to move on, and make it clear to her to move on, stop answering back to her messages/calls/emails or contact of any kind.

Hey!
I'll admit that I I have ignored the advice given to me on this site and for that I apologize. I've tried NC and when I get going, here she is with another text message. Part of me wants to let go and part of me wants her to come back. There are times when I feel great about being single and other times when I wish she would just stay with me for good. Several years ago, I rarely had any time to myself because she smothered me to death, now I have all this free time and nobbody to share it with. I have not forgotten the advice given to me on this site and I will try to practice it, but it is HARD-especially when I was given no real closure by her. Again, thanks to all and I PROMISE never to post another question on this subject. Thanks! Jason

Jason, I know how you feel, I didn't get any closure from my ex either. The way things were left when we last saw each other was very very up in the air. But it doesn't help the situation knowing she is able to string you along, every time you reply to those pointless texts from her you're telling her "I'm not over you" So if you like giving her the upper hand, continue to text her back. I ignored all my ex's texts when she was telling me she didn't have feelings for the other guy she is now talking to until it was too many texts and all I responded was "None of it matters now, we are no longer together. That's the past" and then after a few more from her I said "Thank you, I appreciate you're honesty and to show that I have changed and matured I will put my trust into you about that. Goodbye"

And to top it all off... You admitted you were wrong! Dude, seriously, what is the problem? If you want to move on or even get her back stop apologizing or admitting you were wrong for pointless crap! You had every right to take back her gifts. You are going to keep coming right back to square one if you keep responding, change your number if you don't think you can prevent responding

I'll keep this real simple, No Contact from you or her, that means ignore her texts, and smoke signals.

Hey,

If you have NO desire to get back to her- then simply stop with the replies. That just gives her power and makes you look smaller.

If you want closure, and that's it, then get it... and move on.

It's so confusing after a break up, trust me we all know. Some days your like "eh, forget her..." and you just remember all the fun times and it's no big deal. Then there are the other days where you remember the SAME fun times but it just hits you like a ton of bricks.

It's two steps forward and one step back with the no contact thing. To keep yourself from falling back avoid contact, avoid talking to her friends about her, avoid visiting any networking pages she has to check up on her (myspace, etc... )

And remember, what your ex is doing now is non of your business, so don't dwell on the thoughts of her and someone else.

Brandino... I agree and disagree with your statement.

First, I disagree with the closure part, he already got it by her ending it. That's reason enough to just walk away, and now the mind games he KNOWS she is playing reason number 2. So closure he already got.

Second, I agree with the avoiding her friends, I dropped a friend of 9 years because she said she was going to be friends with my ex, and I'm not surrounding myself with that. Deleted not only my ex from my myspace account but also anyone who has her listed as a friend on my account. Just erase anything that you have on your computer about her... Myspace, Facebook, AIM, pictures.. anything to will make you want to call her

Hon! Don't play this game! Really, its not healthy for your emotional state or hers.

When she sends a text, delete it. Read it if you want, but then delete it. Don't respond! If you have to send a text in response, send it to your own email account, but don't send one back to her!

Text messages are tricky things. They have the ability to put someone in a state of fluffy happiness or they can hurt like Hades with a well-directed dart. Listen, its NOT worth it.

Don't play the game! Delete, delete, delete!!

Hey!
She texted me again today! This time she asks, "Are you getting me anything for Valentine's Day?" The audacity of her! I hope I don't offend anybody on this sight, but that is like an illegal alien walking up to George W. Bush and asking for a refund check! Point is-she does not deserve anything from me! As soon as I saw that red message light blinking, I thought, "It's either another worthless marketing message or one of her latest attempts to get under my skin." I just ignored it this time even though I was itching to write, "You are seeing somebody else. Why should I?" She is almost like Bin Laden who releases his stupid videos every Sept. 11 and sporadically, trying to scare us. While she is nowhere as repulsive as that vermin, she is doing the same thing that he is doing, just trying to ruffle feathers. I use to see optimism every time she texted me but now I look at it as a way of getting on my nerves. Thanks to all the replies-it is tough to ignore these messages but I'm just going to have to take them for what they are-a nuisance. Thanks again and take care. Jason

Treat her messages like those worthless marketing messages then --> delete straightaway! Every one of these things she sends (and you ignore) is throwing her dignity away.

There's a good idea, send her to spam automatically. Love it, problem solved.

Hello,
While working tonight, I continued to pore over my situation. Me and my girlfriend have been broken up nearly six months. Now I know she is seeing somebody else and I can begin to move on, even though she still communicates in the form of meaningless text messages. I've finally realized a way to cope and let things go.
I told myself, "She's not going to come back. She is going to marry somebody else eventually." Like nature, I need to move on and go about life as usual. The sun still rises and sets on a consistent schedule, whether it is over the savannahs of Africa, the Atlantic ocean, or here in the United States-we can be assured that the sun will rise and set. It rose and set the same way back in, say 1978. It rises and sets today in 2008. The seasons continue, the ocean tides continue, thus the creation of God is unchangeable. If some foreign object were top strike the sun, its intense heat would incinerate it. We remember building sand castles on the beach, but long after we leave, the waves smooth it over as if it never existed. Like the sun and ocean, I need to go on as usual. Losing a love hurts, but you need to realize that you are greater than the loss.
Another way of looking at it comes in the form of music. Such masterpieces as Beethoven's 5th Symphony, Mozart's 25th Symphony, Schubert's 4th Symphony, and Tchaikovsky's 6th Symphony were written many, many years ago. Although many artists have made their mark on the world of music, the legacy left by these great masters will forever overshadow them. These works of music are timeless, transcending the gap of space and time, and not one note will ever be altered. Pain should not alter the gift and masterpiece that is your life.
For those of you experiencing pain, don't look at it as an interruption of life, but see it as a speck of dust. Go on with life, enjoy it to its fullest. Nature continues. We must also continue, and make each day greater than the one before it. Take care you all... Jason

I totally agree with everytghing you say. Also very nicely put

Good thoughts. Thank You Jason.

That's good stuff

Hey!
Just thought I'd post some of my thoughts-and if they are useful to somebody else, great! I've been in a bit of a slump of all week after finding out that my gut feeling was confirmed-my ex is indeed seeing somebody else. With that came all kinds of thoughts-"is she sleeping with him", etc. Tonight, it finally hit me and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. I keep hoping she'll come back, thus I get depressed when I think of her and the new relationship. I've always believed that things happen for a reason-God knew everything that was going to transpire in your life even before you were born. I just finally thought, "What happens will happen. I need to go on and quit worrying about her." My post was coming from the heart-it made me feel good just writing it. Stay strong everybody and take care... Jason

Good to hear you've moved to next stage of your recovery Jason , keep moving forward.

Good post, as it shows that your slowly healing, that's great.

When she texts you jason, your on her mind. I did that with this guy I was with for 2 and a half years. Me and him were off and on but the out of no where when I think things are going right he told me he didn't love me anymore. Sometimes all you need is some time from people. Only time will tell if you'll be together or not.

GOOD LUCK

Old post!

Hey Everybody,
I've posted my story on here with my ex earlier this year so for brevity's sake I won't go into it again. Basically, my ex last texted me on June 4 of this year in which she just cracked a lame joke pertaining to what I was getting for my birthday. I ignored it and promptly deleted it, but it still left me aggravated because I told her NEVER to contact me again unless she wanted to reconcile. This was not the first time she violated my wish because on May 7 she sent a stupid text message in which she cracked a joke about the nickname she gave me while we were together. I replied with, "What do you want?" For my query she had no response other than the aforementioned text on June 4. Fast forward to August 24 after nearly 4 months of any contact from me(that is, I've completely disappeared from her life as though I never existed). I was getting ready to sit down and eat at 9:00 P.M. when my phone rang-for about 2 seconds. I looked at the display and it said "No Number". Sometime after 11:00 P.M. it rang again long enough to go to the voice mail. Thus, she left a message cracking another lame joke about her nickname for me but I deleted it before hearing the entire recording and erased any record of the calls. Again, the number was not displayed. My question is: WHY IN THE HECK DID SHE CALL ME?! I've left her alone but I don't understand why she did this other than because she was bored and decided to piss me off. What is the point? I've tried to move on and I'm sure she has so why call me over three months later to crack another stupid joke? I would love to hear what you all think.. thanks.
Jason

She hasn't gotten over you.

I say have phone sex with her

ChihuahuaMomma,
Hey! Cute name... thanks for the reply though. Yeah, I was kind of wondering the same thing. I think about my ex everyday and I still obsess over whether I did enough to save the relationship. Me and her have known each other for over 11 years and we even had a child together. We both shared the grief of losing our baby 11 months later to a congenital heart defect. I have been there for her lots of times, bent over backwards for her, forgiven her several times for being unfaithful-you name it. I even proposed to her and made it official by giving her a beautiful ring. I haven't even asked for it back. It aggravates me to no end that all she can do now is make stupid jokes. I wish she would just move on and leave me alone or talk to me about trying again instead of doing this crap. I've dropped out of sight for all intents and purposes-I refuse to even go near the place where she works. Why can't she extend me the same courtesy and leave me alone? I'm trying to find somebody else and I'm sure she already has. To top things off, my dad is dying of heart failure and I told her that in addition to telling her not to contact me again unless she wants to work things out. I'm trying to move on and at the same time I'm witnessing my dad fall apart and she has no respect. Anyway, there is a part of me that wants to believe she is not over me but I tried to make things right between us by sending her several gifts and professing my love back in March and all she could do was thank me and tell me that she liked somebody else. Again, thanks for your reply and take care.
Jason

They might be feelings still there, or she might be testing the waters to see how you react. But what you are oding is good, keep ignoring what she does. I have not read your previous post on your relatioship so I do not know much but from the looks of it maybe she is starting to try and get your attention. Maybe starting to regret what she did

She wants to know what you've been up too, perhaps to have a friendship or the guilt of what she has done set in. Don't break NC, you're doing great buddy! Keep it up!

Your saving a lot of confusion, and drama, on your part, by standing strong for yourself, and leaving her alone.

As you see, a few simple calls by her, have raised a few questions, just think if you started to talk to her again, or hang out! Stay on the path and heal, and let her heal also. Thats what you both need right now.

Ithappenstoall, Romefalls 19, and talaniman-
Hey! Thanks for the input. I'm going straight ahead with No Contact and not looking back. The breakup with my ex was not hostile in any way-she just decided about a year ago to abandon the relationship with me and start dating other people. She had some depression issues so I can only ascertain that she grew bored with me and wanted an exciting new relationship instead of stuffy, conservative me. She didn't appreciate what I was all about but I know there is somebody out there who will. I have no interest in being her friend now or at any point in the future.I have shared too much of myself to just be "friendzoned". During this time I have tried to put the focus on myself and it seems that I have gotten myself back as well. I am rediscovering old hobbies, planning on going to back to school and finally finishing my degree, and spoiling myself on the side as well. She's with somebody else and no doubt sleeping with her new love, but unlike her I am staying pure for someone new and I am definitely going to be picky about who I will date. There's no telling if she'll contact again but I'm sticking to what I promised her and leaving her alone.
Take Care Everybody,
Jason

Best to you my friend, standing for something, your not likely to fall for just anything.

I just read your ORIGINAL posts.

I wanted to see if she was reaching out and deserved to be rewarded for her effort.

Well, first off, you are doing the right thing having kept silent.

Second, there is NO WAY you should deal with her. She is a mess. And a weight on you.
Don't look back. Delete all contact.

She is an attention-starved ding-bat.

Her loss is going to be a lifetime one. Your gain is every day she is not in your new life!