jeremyfisher
Nov 16, 2007, 11:26 PM
basically for anyone who doesn't want to read my whole sob story. I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years that I had kept secret, because my friends and family all told me she was terrible and now unless I can go back to a normal relationship, open in front of friends and family, I can't have her back...
I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. When we started I saw her as so far above me and she told me all she wanted to do was fool around some and not have a serious relationship and to make sure to keep it secret. So I made sure not to get attached and it worked out for a while but then when I started liking another girl and told my friend we had to stop and she went crazy. She was saying things like life wasn't worth living without me and started telling everyone about our relationship... which was an issue because it was a christian school that my parents worked at and I could get kicked out if anyone believed it so I had to deny it all around. I saw this other girl for a while and then we broke up when I went to college (6 months later maybe).
all my friends and parents were warning me to stay away from this girl because of the things she was saying "that weren't true" (they were in fact all true). I started seeing her even though everyone was warning me otherwise; but I kind of treated it the same as before, very secretive, even more-so because I didn't want to deal with my friends and family always telling me to stay away, by their standards which I was trying to pretend to be a part of I shouldn't even be talking to this girl. She seemed somewhat pathetic in my mind, which was a complete reversal from the start, but in time she calmed down quite a bit and I didn't feel like she was so crazy, but she had lost contact with everyone I knew (possibly because of me constantly saying everything she said was a lie). So everyone still warned me of her if they ever saw us together and my parents were threatening to pull me from college. So I tried to make it clear to her that we needed to stay as quiet as possible with our relationship. The year went on and we started becoming very attached, and then she went to be a counselor at a camp over the summer, I barely heard from her but I wrote her a lot, I didn't realise I was as attached as I was and when she came back I was a bit careless and my parents even found one of the few letters I got in return over the summer on the same day they "heard" I went out with her. I got more threats from my parents and became even more scared and hid our relationship even deeper once we came back to college. We started with "i love you's" and seeing each other almost every night. But she would greatly complain and be very suspicious about the nights I wouldn't see her. It was almost always just us in her apartment cause I was too scared to get "caught" cause most of my friends from high school all came to the same college and rumors travel fast in christian circles. She would complain all the time about how much she hated to keep it so secret. How she just wanted a normal relationship. There was an entire year of this, then summer was really hard because I almost never saw her because we were back home, and now into the third year of college she tells me for the first time she's happy. Somehow though that means she hates every little thing I do. (driving too fast, driving too slow, walking too slow, being happy when I'm doing something without her, not having enough sex [which was almost every night and 2-3 times a day on the weends], etc.) I started getting really annoyed with her, she would refute almost everything I would say unless it was "i love you" "you're hot" or something with no conversational value. All my friends by now were adamantly trying to tell me to get away from her and my parents were still back there, (by this point I wasn't even allowed to talk to my youngest brother cause I was a bad influence). So I told her basically everything my friends and family were telling me (she was tearing apart relationships with my family and friends and then some other crap that basically seemed like nothing at all, I just wanted out)
she cried for a long time and then I left, I kept talking to her some, I really started missing her, and I let her know it... probably a bad idea. She got me to come back one day to watch a movie with her a few weeks later. And we ended up being fairly sexual, but then I said I needed to go and she broke down and wouldn't let me go and cried about how life wasn't worth living again and on and on begging and pleading. After hours I got her to let me go and left (I didn't want to physically hurt her, I couldn't bring myself to) I didn't talk to her for a long time, its been about 2 months and I talked to her, it started with small talk and then led to how much we were missing each other, we did this for a few days and then she said that since I started talking to her again she couldn't stop crying and was having a guy stay the night on her couch in case I would call, he could pick up and tell me to leave her alone, but she couldn't tell me. She yelled and told me not to talk to her, I was mad because all she had to ask. Then she said that if I fixed all my "problems"(the hiding from my parents and friends) she would see me again and she still loves me but can't live like that again and hates me for it. I was very hurt but I could understand somewhat... I know I could never restore her reputation in my family's eyes but they still see me as an awful person and I feel very rejected with them, and my friends don't really know that I'm not with her but they never really knew I was. I'm just depressed all the time, I knew it would happen but I thought it couldn't last this long. And now I really really just want her back, I want to go back to being able to hold her all night, the sex was good but I'd even give it up if she wanted just so I could have her back. I feel lost and alone, even with my friends, I need to have someone to hold, I need someone to love I need her. I still respect my parents and friends... they've been with me my whole life, I'm not too fond of making friends that often so I have few but very close friends. She was my one lie to the world and I want her back... I just don't know what to do.
what do I do? Give up?
I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. When we started I saw her as so far above me and she told me all she wanted to do was fool around some and not have a serious relationship and to make sure to keep it secret. So I made sure not to get attached and it worked out for a while but then when I started liking another girl and told my friend we had to stop and she went crazy. She was saying things like life wasn't worth living without me and started telling everyone about our relationship... which was an issue because it was a christian school that my parents worked at and I could get kicked out if anyone believed it so I had to deny it all around. I saw this other girl for a while and then we broke up when I went to college (6 months later maybe).
all my friends and parents were warning me to stay away from this girl because of the things she was saying "that weren't true" (they were in fact all true). I started seeing her even though everyone was warning me otherwise; but I kind of treated it the same as before, very secretive, even more-so because I didn't want to deal with my friends and family always telling me to stay away, by their standards which I was trying to pretend to be a part of I shouldn't even be talking to this girl. She seemed somewhat pathetic in my mind, which was a complete reversal from the start, but in time she calmed down quite a bit and I didn't feel like she was so crazy, but she had lost contact with everyone I knew (possibly because of me constantly saying everything she said was a lie). So everyone still warned me of her if they ever saw us together and my parents were threatening to pull me from college. So I tried to make it clear to her that we needed to stay as quiet as possible with our relationship. The year went on and we started becoming very attached, and then she went to be a counselor at a camp over the summer, I barely heard from her but I wrote her a lot, I didn't realise I was as attached as I was and when she came back I was a bit careless and my parents even found one of the few letters I got in return over the summer on the same day they "heard" I went out with her. I got more threats from my parents and became even more scared and hid our relationship even deeper once we came back to college. We started with "i love you's" and seeing each other almost every night. But she would greatly complain and be very suspicious about the nights I wouldn't see her. It was almost always just us in her apartment cause I was too scared to get "caught" cause most of my friends from high school all came to the same college and rumors travel fast in christian circles. She would complain all the time about how much she hated to keep it so secret. How she just wanted a normal relationship. There was an entire year of this, then summer was really hard because I almost never saw her because we were back home, and now into the third year of college she tells me for the first time she's happy. Somehow though that means she hates every little thing I do. (driving too fast, driving too slow, walking too slow, being happy when I'm doing something without her, not having enough sex [which was almost every night and 2-3 times a day on the weends], etc.) I started getting really annoyed with her, she would refute almost everything I would say unless it was "i love you" "you're hot" or something with no conversational value. All my friends by now were adamantly trying to tell me to get away from her and my parents were still back there, (by this point I wasn't even allowed to talk to my youngest brother cause I was a bad influence). So I told her basically everything my friends and family were telling me (she was tearing apart relationships with my family and friends and then some other crap that basically seemed like nothing at all, I just wanted out)
she cried for a long time and then I left, I kept talking to her some, I really started missing her, and I let her know it... probably a bad idea. She got me to come back one day to watch a movie with her a few weeks later. And we ended up being fairly sexual, but then I said I needed to go and she broke down and wouldn't let me go and cried about how life wasn't worth living again and on and on begging and pleading. After hours I got her to let me go and left (I didn't want to physically hurt her, I couldn't bring myself to) I didn't talk to her for a long time, its been about 2 months and I talked to her, it started with small talk and then led to how much we were missing each other, we did this for a few days and then she said that since I started talking to her again she couldn't stop crying and was having a guy stay the night on her couch in case I would call, he could pick up and tell me to leave her alone, but she couldn't tell me. She yelled and told me not to talk to her, I was mad because all she had to ask. Then she said that if I fixed all my "problems"(the hiding from my parents and friends) she would see me again and she still loves me but can't live like that again and hates me for it. I was very hurt but I could understand somewhat... I know I could never restore her reputation in my family's eyes but they still see me as an awful person and I feel very rejected with them, and my friends don't really know that I'm not with her but they never really knew I was. I'm just depressed all the time, I knew it would happen but I thought it couldn't last this long. And now I really really just want her back, I want to go back to being able to hold her all night, the sex was good but I'd even give it up if she wanted just so I could have her back. I feel lost and alone, even with my friends, I need to have someone to hold, I need someone to love I need her. I still respect my parents and friends... they've been with me my whole life, I'm not too fond of making friends that often so I have few but very close friends. She was my one lie to the world and I want her back... I just don't know what to do.
what do I do? Give up?