I met a man over a year and a half ago. Last spring of 2006 "John" ended a 10 year relationship with his girlfriend. (It was a very civil break up) "John" and I started a wonderful relationship. At the end of the summer his ex-girl friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. "Judy" asked if "John" could help her get through this difficult time and if she could move back into the house. Of course he said yes and I supported him. Our relationship slowed down but I knew this situation was only temporary. It has been over 8 months and "Judy" has fully recovered. However "Judy" does not want to move out of the house now. She wants to try and make amends of the relationship. "John" has told "Judy" that his feeling for her have not changed and he still wants to continue the relationship with me. "Judy" is manipulating "John". She makes plans for them to go away together and go out to dinner and golfing. He says he feels "bad" for her and has a hard time saying no to her. He said when he does says no she starts crying, because she's still so "fragile" from what she just went through. Meanwhile he keeps telling me to wait... "he's going to end it". What should I do?? He says he loves me and wants to be with me... but his actions aren't saying that at all... HELP!! Do I keep waiting?

As they say "Actions speak louder than words" I think you have waited long enough , tell him it's her or you and if he still says wait I would move on. Don't waste your life waiting for something that may never happen.

This is a tough spot for you, him and her to be in. You certainly didn't ask for this but showed your colors when he assisted his past friend. Things we don't know; she may be on medications for depression (not uncommon), she may have a good chance for metastases depending on the stage of her disease.

I understand your concerns and you will make the right choices. Your male friend and his past girl friend will heve very few choices to make; she's desperate and frightened and he's trying to do his best under these conditions.

Talk with your boyfriend and help him understand your feelings and further, suggest to him that you have a very calm talk with his x.g.f. All the best to all of you.