Hi all,

This Wednesday makes 6 weeks that my ex broke up with me. I think about her every morning and once in a while during the day. Today while going to work I ran into her best friends mother who I became close with through her. We talked for a while then I asked how my ex was doing . She told me that she's going for surgery to remove her thyroid she and that's she's been a little crazy with all this going on. She told me that my ex told her not to tell me because she didn't want me to get upset. But I really want to contact her and be there on the day of or after. She's getting the surgery by December is this wrong to contact her?? Should I break the no contact for this?? What's everyone's opinions. Would this oversteppign my boundries?

Thanks!!

I don't see the problem in contacting her over something like this. Surgery is completely different and she probably needs all the support she can get, she'll probably be a bit worried about it too. I would find out the date she is in hospital and without a doubt turn up and hand her mom/dad a get well soon card from yourself and some flowers. You don't have to be embaressed about it (I don't know if you feel that's the case?) but there's no harm in turning up doing what I've said, you don't have to stay around the hospital either, make sure you get the card and flowers to her parents and then leave. You can then start the No Contact process from here.

All the best.

I hear you

Some nice flowers will be fine. She'll know you have her in your thoughts and can rest and recover. She'll be on pain meds and tired for a short time and when she's back on her feet she may call to thank you. Communicating prior to her surgery might be good or it might simply add to all the things she's dealing with. You'll know best if it will help or hinder. If you fill out a nice card to go with the flowers try to stay on-point and be brief; don't go into you or I or we, just show support and she'll appreciate that.

So I sent a small email sayign I'm there for her and to call if she needs anything didn't going into any past or anything else. I also said I wanted to stop by after she's out will drop a few things off to her flowers and all and leave... I feel like she will appreciate that and if she doesn't or doesn't responf to the email I will just back off.

I didn't read much ofthis but from what I did read it looks like your looking for excuses to see her or be in contact with her. She is not your problem anymore. I woulndt do anything with flowers. A card saying hope you get well son or something of that sort.

The thing is, we don't know why exactly she broke up with him? They could have broke up on decent terms. He's still going to care for her, personally I wouldn't of e-mailed I would have just turned up at the hospital with a card and flowers. It's a difficult situation, probably needs more views to be honest.

Well the terms we left of on were great everything was OK we hugged kissed and walked away. I mean we didn't arguee or fuss or anything I mean maybee I am wrong but that why Im here to get different opionions. I do have to say I do care still and I contacted her for support and to contact her it might be a reason but like I said that's why I'm here asking

If you love her then I would do the whole flower thing, and tell her that your there for her if she needs you. I would just follow your heart.

Yea I probably will I made the attempt emailed her so she can let me know what the date is going to be and called her to let her no I emailed her. I did my part is she gets back to me great if not nothing else I can do. When I called she sounded very surprised to hear from me since we haven't spoke for weeks She didn't have much at all to say. She was quit and sounded sad or shy almost So I just asked if she felt weird and she said she feels a little weird speaking to me. Like I said before we left off great I made the contact cause I feel it was right and now I sit back and wait to see what happens...

Thanks and any more responses or opinions would be appreciated.!

It may seem like negative thinking, but the reason she said for no one to tell you might be because she really doesn't want anything from you i.e. flowers or help. Im not saying this is the case but keep that in mind.

Hi all,

this Wednesday makes 6 weeks that my ex broke up with me. I think about her every morning and once in a while during the day. Today while going to work I ran into her best friends mother who I became close with thru her. We talked for a while then I asked how my ex was doing . She told me that she's going for surgery to remove her thyroid she and that's she's been a little crazy with all this going on. She told me that my ex told her not to tell me because she didn't want me to get upset. But I really want to contact her and be there on the day of or after. She's getting the surgery by December is this wrong to contact her???? Should I break the no contact for this???? What's everyone's opinions. would this oversteppign my boundries??

Thanks!!!!
She told the lady not to tell you, so she obviously didn't want you to know. The lady told you any way, she betrayed a trust. I don't think you ought to do anything.

I just never know with girls anymore.

Im a girl and I don't even get us... LOL

I can understand why you want to reach out to her. But I don't think its best. Not saying its not a major thing but at the same time its not your problem. She knows you care about her but in a REAL way she left you so she shouldn't be getting the thing she use 2. Feels mean saying it but it is true.

OK now I'm starting to feel dumb by everyone's answer I think you are all kind of right. She started texting me back and all and she kept it to the point and sweet . I said do you want me to totally just end this contact and all of course she said no but she just don't want to talk everyday. And she also said that everything is OK with her and all . She asked if I had a g/f and what I have been doing. But to be honest I don't no if I did the right things... I left it with her if she wants to contact me that's fine otherwise I'm finished am I wrong??

ok now im starting to feel dumb by everyones answer I think you are all kind of right. She started texting me back and all and she kept it to the point and sweet . I said do u want me to totally just end this contact and all of course she said no but she just dont wanna talk everyday. And she also said that everything is ok with her and all . She asked if i had a g/f and what I have been doing. but to be honest I dont no if i did the right things.... I left it with her if she wants to contact me thats fine otherwise im finished am i wrong???

Nope.

Its about you not her. If it bothers you to talk to her then don't talk to her.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Just go NC.

Chris
I'm sorry but she is not your problem at the moment. It seems like you are just using this as an excuse to contact her again. You have gone 6 weeks NC and now you have broken it and are giving yourself false hope. Leave her be my friend , if she wants to come back she will , but start looking out for yourself and start that healing process. I wish you luck.

Are you two on a break or just broken up and having no contact to get over each other.. if you two are just on a break.. contact her. Maybe something like this could bring you two back together and make your relationship really strong if you show you care.

Good luck... Let the forum know what you chose to do.

are you two on a break or just broken up and having no contact to get over each other.. if you two are just on a break.. contact her. Maybe something like this could bring you two back together and make your relationship really strong if you show you care.

Good luck... Let the forum know what you chose to do.


No we are actually broken up, Like I said earlier in this post Ive been broken up with before and also broke up with others with a ton of anger hatred and all things like that. Not with this girl I still care about her I do understand we might not be able to be 2gethor no more cause of compatibilities issues but I wish she would just say OK I cheated on you or I never loved you or I hate you.

Yes it has been 6 weeks NC and I messed up but sometimes my feeling over throw everything I no is right. When we talked I could sense that she was kind of uncfortable about it. She mention ill let you no when the surgey is but I don't think I can see you cause its akward.

I wish I understood things... And fine you don't want to be with me and all that... Then why ask am I seeing anyone?? I don't get it

She is keeping you there as a backup to her emotions , if she knows you are still there for her it helps ease her guilt. Like I said start looking out for YOU , if she wants to come back she will. But at least if you LET GO if she ever does come back you will be in a far better state of mind to decide whether that's what you really want.

Sounds to me like you've done all you could do. You talked to her to see if she was doing all right and what's going on. Now maybe its time you leave it up to her to come to you. I think you have a good head on your shoulder.. and it sounds like you've really tried with this girl.. so let her come to you in the future.
But if it's bugging you to point where you can't take it anymore.. just be forward and ask her what's going on.. if she still likes you.. hates you.. wants nothing to do with you.. tell her you want an honest answer then maybe you'll be able to completely move on without feeling like there was unfinished business.

You say you don't understand things, but the answers appear to be right in front of you. She sounded uncomfortable talking to you, she doesn't want to see you... etc. I know you are probably trying to interpret these things in another way but you will have to face the facts at some point.

The thing is, if she didn't want him to know, why would she want him kept backed up for her emotions? She specifically told her mate not to say anything but she has, it's just added to his problem. If she wanted him to worry about her n show emotion towards her wouldn't she of told him herself? You've done all you can do Chris, it's just up to you if you turn up at the hospital or not.

Send her some flowers and card wishing her well for the surgery

That's what I said I would have done. Don't start e-mailing or calling or texting. Leave it.

ok now im starting to feel dumb by everyones answer I think you are all kind of right. She started texting me back and all and she kept it to the point and sweet . I said do u want me to totally just end this contact and all of course she said no but she just dont wanna talk everyday. And she also said that everything is ok with her and all . She asked if i had a g/f and what I have been doing. but to be honest I dont no if i did the right things.... I left it with her if she wants to contact me thats fine otherwise im finished am i wrong???
She is just doing the friendly chatter thing. Leave it alone. If she really wanted you, you would know it.

Yes I no Ive done all I could and I will not do anything more I put it out there is she wants support so be it and if not so be it as well. I told her last time we spoke I'm backed off now its up to you, I'm serious about that if its meant to be it will and if not I'm not with the contact I've tried and I'm tired now.

Sounds to me like you've done all you could do. You talked to her to see if she was doing alright and whats going on. Now maybe its time you leave it up to her to come to you. I think you have a good head on your shoulder.. and it sounds like you've really tried with this girl.. so let her come to you in the future.
But if it's bugging you to point where you can't take it anymore.. just be forward and ask her whats going on.. if she still likes you.. hates you.. wants nothing to do with you.. tell her you want an honest answer then maybe you'll be able to completely move on without feeling like there was unfinished business.


I think she has a problem expressing herself with me she says it because she don't want to hurt me. Im tired of wondering I think I just have to move on and see what happens next.

I have to admit you are all probably right , I don't think she wants much to do with me from the way she was kind of stand offish but she tends to send the wrong message at times. That's why its better I do not contact her. For example she didn't have much to say yesterday except how am I what have I been doing and so on. But here is were it becomes weird she asked so are you seeing someone do you have a girlfriend? Y ask that if you done care. Also she said it akward I'm not sure why... what's this mean should I not think about it I'm so unsure. One thing I no if NC the less info you have the better

This is what we try and do mate and you've got to draw a line under this. You've got to tell yourself that if she's ready to be back with you, she will tell you. Nobody else but her will tell you, don't go running around to her friend or family asking for any info or updates how she might feel. 9 times out of 10 her friends will end up telling your ex what you've been asking anyway! And then you'll be back to square one. Don't e-mail, she knows your feelings, it's pointless. Just wait for her to call, see what she wants act cool ask how she is then say you've "got to go sorry something has come up" You've got to look for your close friends now, don't be afraid to tell them how you feel, they will all say the same thing as us. Go out with them, you sound a decent chap and you've got many many years left in your life, you will find the one. I keep telling myself that. I know it will happen.

Sooooooooo tru!

Chris
Bottom line!!! If she wanted to be with you she would be. She broke up with you so doesn't want to be with you at the moment. I'm not saying she will come back but if you keep being there for her at the moment you are making it easier for her and harder for you. Look after yourself and stop trying to figure out what she is thinking , you are only giving yourself false hope and stalling your healing process.

When was the last time you spoke to her Chris? Any new developments? How are you getting on?

The last time I spoke with her was that day I started this chat. I have not spoke with her yesterday I did think abiout her and all you guys are right about stalling the healing process... But no I haven't spoke to her after that email and call that day. I won't even lie I wanted to call her but :(

I won't lie myself, I wanted to call my ex, well not call, but text her something, and I managed to stop myself. I honestly keep thinking about what everyone has said on this board and it has really helped me. I do get the occasional moments though which brings back some sort of memory with my ex and it hits me for a minute or two, but goes away afterwards. I'm finding it hard to be honest. But don't we all?

I wont lie myself, i wanted to call my ex, well not call, but text her something, and i managed to stop myself. I honestly keep thinking about what everyone has said on this board and it has really helped me. I do get the occasional moments tho which brings back some sort of memory with my ex and it hits me for a minute or two, but goes away afterwards. I'm finding it hard to be honest. But don't we all?

Guys
This is perfectly normal believe me so don't feel like you a weak because of it , the fact you have the strength not to call , text etc. is a good sign. Keep it up and you will find each day , week , month it just gets so much easier.

How did you handle a break up friend4u178, if you don't mind me asking? Did you ever have the urge to call or text or e-mail how your feeling deep down?

Chris,

If you ask me and this is only my opinion. I think if there were any person who broke up with anpther person and didn't have the urge to call or text there was something not there in the relationship and probably never was. Now I think even if it's the person who broke up unless it was for another person there still has to be times when the urge comes up to call ot make contact IT has to be true. Your with someone so long if you didn't have that urge you woudnt be human... but that's my opinion does anyone agree?

How did you handle a break up friend4u178, if you don't mind me asking? Did you ever have the urge to call or text or e-mail how your feeling deep down?

Chris08
Yes I had the urges to call , email and text like everyone else. That's perfectly normal. I did all the frantic stuff when I had a bust up afew years ago and learned from it. In my last breakup I didn't do all that desperate stuff because I learned it doesn't work anyway , in fact all it does is push the person further away and basically at the point of the breakup the Dumper pretty well sees everything you do as a vindication for why they broke it off with you. AND by not doing all the desperation stuff you not only get to keep your dignity but they see you in a much brighter light after a while when things have calmed down.

Hey just to point out sometimes the person who is the dumper wants to call just as bad as the dumpee, but it has more to do with pride, and who is willing to give in first... Only time the dumper doesn't call is usually if they are preoccupied, sometimes, they may be working on a new relastionship this is just my opinion, I know I dumped a guy before and I sooo wanted to call him, but I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I may have made a mistake..

Hey just to point out sometimes the person who is the dumper wants to call just as bad as the dumpee, but it has more to do with pride, and who is willing to give in first... Only time the dumper doesn't call is usually if they are preoccupied, sometimes, they may be working on a new relastionship this is just my opinion, I know I dumped a guy before and I sooo wanted to call him, but I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I may have made a mistake..

Good point Jolie

But I must say as a Dumper (yes I have been on both sides of the fence as I suppose most people have) I have never wanted to call but that's just me , in fact whenever they would call or text etc. I found it quite annoying and just made me think I had made the right decision.

That's true but as a women I must add we do care even if we fell out of love with someone, we love so much and hard that we want them to get over us just as bad as they want to get over us... Just speaking from my experience.. especially if I felt the guy was a really great guy I get the urge to see how he is coping... but not because I want him back but because I care...

That's true but as a women I must add we do care even if we fell out of love with someone, we love so much and hard that we want them to get over us just as bad as they want to get over us.... Just speaking from my experience.. especially if I felt the guy was a really great guy I get the urge to see how he is coping... but not because I want him back but because I care .....

Yep I understand that and applaud the fact that you still actually care after a breakup. Some don't!!

Oh believe me there were breakups I actually celebrated!! Like my ex husband for an example!! I wouldn't dare to contact him but I have children so I am forced too, otherwise I wouldn't... But I am so happy he is remarrying this weekend!! Going to celebrate his marriage tonight I am just that happy for him!

I did everything for my ex, everything for all of her family to be in anger and shock at what she did to me, no-one could believe. She gave me the words "i'll still be here for you." Which in my opinion is absolute bullsh*t. Yes I know that if I ring her she will answer if she is by her phone. But I don't do that. I was a really great boyfriend to her, I just can't understand why she doesn't care for me anymore. Or at least show it. You'd think she'd make the effort to call just to see how I am, after everything I did for her. But maybe she already knows I'm doing fine because I haven't contacted her and she knows I go out with my mates now? That's how I see it.

Have you guys read this Thread?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-expect-when-you-get-dumped-123862.html

Your right... You don't need to talk to her, let her be and I hope you are happy!

I did everything for my ex, everything for all of her family to be in anger n shock at what she did to me, no-one could believe. She gave me the words "i'll still be here for you." Which in my opinion is absolute bullsh*t. Yes I know that if i ring her she will answer if she is by her phone. But i dont do that. I was a really great boyfriend to her, i just can't understand why she doesnt care for me anymore. Or at least show it. You'd think she'd make the effort to call just to see how i am, after everything i did for her. But maybe she already knows i'm doing fine because i havnt contacted her and she knows i go out with my mates now?! That's how i see it.
If you two are no longer a couple why would she be calling you? You may have been a terrific boy friend, but you were not the right one for her and she is not for you either.
You need to just get over her.

I was just replying to friend4u's quote, when he said "applauds for you for still caring etc. when some don't." It's not that my ex feels that I'm not the one for her, she kind of implyed that to me herself, she finished me because she didn't want a relationship anymore and felt too young to settle down, I think she wanted to concentrate on her education more than anything else. There's not much I can do about that is there.

No, she was using her head. She knows what is important to her right now at this time in her life and she is doing it. A lot of people don't do this. They try and juggle too many things and don't focus on anything. I'm sure she may still have feelings for you, but she has to do what is best for her.
It's good that you are working on your life as well.

I personally think in my situation it is over . But for more of the reason that she has no clue or idea what's she wants! I feel she things she knows but I no she's not sure..! And I did the right thing in my eyes my contacting her and telling her I would be there for her. I no she wants nothing to do with me from the way she re-acted but I had to learn that myself and as hard at it is to admit it I no it's true. She don't want me but I still know in my heart I did the right thing!! And I will still be there for her... But not be stepped on!!

Well you are far more brave than I am, because I haven't even tried to call my ex or pick up the phone to attempt to dial.. and I know he is coming into town tonight, I have to get out I don't want to run into him.. He has the keys to my house I never even called to ask for my keys back that's how hurt I am...

Well you are far more brave than I am, because I haven't even tried to call my ex or pick up the phone to attempt to dial.. and I know he is coming into town tonight, I have to get out I don't want to run into him.. He has the keys to my house I never even called to ask for my keys back that's how hurt I am...


Im not really brave I just follow my heart or I try to sometimes things overwelm me and when they do I usually have to do what I'm feeling or it will eat me up. I sometimes get burnted taking those chances but other times it makes me feel better even if it wasn't the right thing to do... I no it's very hard but you got to stay strong.

Im not really brave I just follow my heart or I try to sometimes things overwelm me and when they do I usally have to do what im feeling or it will eat me up. I sometimes get burnted taking those chances but other times it makes me feel better even if it wasnt the right thing to do.....I no it's very hard but you gotta stay strong.!


I will and you stay strong too! You seem like a very wonderful guy and you will meet the "one". I also noticed in my experience that when I finally got over my ex husband once I started dating again he tried to come back. Funny how he wanted me more that I had someone and was happy he was so jealous.

I will and you stay stong too! you seem like a very wonderful guy and you will meet the "one". I also noticed in my experience that when I finally got over my ex husband once I started dating again he tried to come back. Funny how he wanted me more that I had someone and was happy he was so jealous.


Well human nature we all want what we can't have!!

Well human nature we all want what we can't have!!!!

So true!!

Im not really brave I just follow my heart or I try to sometimes things overwelm me and when they do I usally have to do what im feeling or it will eat me up. I sometimes get burnted taking those chances but other times it makes me feel better even if it wasnt the right thing to do.....I no it's very hard but you gotta stay strong.!


chris28, I know how you feel. We are caught between a rock and a hard place, trust your heart or your brain... In times like this, the lines are blurred in what we should do. Sometimes our hearts deceive us. If you are ready to see her and will have no regrets doing so, no matter what the outcome maybe, then go for it and do what your heart tells you... I don't want any of us to take steps backward because progress is hard to do. Keep at it, and we will come out our situations stronger people with more selfrespect.

I think my situation has changed for the worst. I just had a mad moment last night and I text my ex telling her exactly how I feel. Not the "i can't stop thinking about you" etc. stuff, but I just let all my feelings out it got quite heated and she kept ringing me, she eventually sent me a text saying "You know what, why don't you get lost and leave me alone!" So I sent a message back saying "I'm sorry but nobody deserves to be treated like this, especially after being dumped over the phone." We were then on the phone for 45mins talking about everything and anything. She practically wanted to know EVERYTHING THAT I WAS DOING, WHERE I GO, WHO I GO OUT WITH, AND WHAT EVERY ONE OF MY MATES HAVE SAID TO ME ABOUT HER DUMPING ME. EVEN MY OWN MOM. I just said well I'm sorry but they have their opinions and I have mine. So she started going on about "they don't even know me, u know what, they can all go to hell." I mean all they've done is given me advice and said what they've thought (I deserve better, I was her safety net etc.) Just like you guys. Now she thinks everybody hates her, I tried telling her they don't but she wouldn't have it. The conversation then cooled and went onto normal stuff, she was telling me how she was getting on at uni, she asked how I'm getting on, I said "Im fine." she said "yeh?" I said "yeah." Before this she was trying to explain to me that going to uni wasn't the reason she finished me, she said she had been unhappy for a week, even though she never told me any of this, I just couldn't believe it. I ended the call and said 'i'm going to go now, bye.' I was meant to say to her... "If me and you are ever meant to be, then it will happen sometime in the future... I'm not saying it will tho." I ended up texting this after the call and left it at that.

I am now back to Day 1, No Contact. Jeez, what have I done. It could have ended worse I guess.

Hey Chris,

I like said before and a few times. Most people give it at 1 time or anpother not everyone but a lot of us. When I have the urge to call or text I take advice from everyone listen top everyone but in the end I still do what I want depending how bad the feeling is. Maybee you just got it out of your system and you will feel better now. The truth is but that we all deal with pain differently and no one answer that works for you will work for me or anyone else at that matter. So Bottom line is in the end its about you and sometimes you have to make mistakes to learn there mistakes sometimes taking advice from someone who has already went through it is not enough.

And of course here another reason why I don't listen I have been telling myself this can't be happining to me she's definitely going to come back to me I no it. LOL u no what its not true this did happen to me and I'm going through it as we speak it happens to everybody. There's nothing wrong with it its normal in the dating world and that makes me get through it easier :) I hope this helps and it makes sense .

I can't wait to find someone new that new feeling , can't wait to see her everyday. That's what I'm looking forward to. Not worrying who my ex is kissing or sleeping with , she's gone I'm here and I'm ready to move on :)

Hope I can take my own advice lol

Send her a simple get well card, similar to what you'd do for a fellow employee or other casual acquaintance in the same situation. Leave it at that.

Yea I hear you maybee I will do that send her something small if she contacts me to tell me otherwise I tried and that's all I can do!

Yep I agree

I've had a pretty bad weekend. Basically here is my drunken text rants, feel free to comment. But I think I've blown it and I'm devastated. Why did I do this?

Me: "Im sorry if i was a bad boyfriend, i would do anything to make u happy again! I really mean that."
Her: "Just leave it now it wasnt meant to be."
Me: "But I don't believe that, i still think that im the one for you. You know me, what would i ever do to u? I love you, I really do."
Her: "I dont think you are. Im not the one for you give up on me . Im not the person you think i am anymore."
Me: Ok. I guess this is the real end. I will never forget you. Never. I saw you with me forever I know you did too. Im gutted its turned out like this. You'll be in my heart forever, that's how I feel towards you."
her: "I don't know what to say apart from you will find someone else."
me: "I don't know what to say either."
her: "There is nothing you can say."
me: There's a lot of things I could say. I just wish you'd feel the way i feel about you. Like i said before, if we were meant to be then it wud happen. I wont deny the feelings i have for u tho. I can't do much else."

Help.
Has anyone ever been through something similar?

Well you've had your rant, the score is still the same, you need to get over this and move on. This young lady is finished with you. She is moving on and wants you to as well.

I feel even worse after letting it all out. I thought it might of made me feel better. What a big mistake.

Well you can't undo it that's for sure. The only thing that will make you feel better is time and concentrate on other things.

I've had a pretty bad weekend. Basically here is my drunken text rants, feel free to comment. But I think i've blown it and i'm devastated. Why did i do this?

me: "Im sorry if i was a bad boyfriend, i would do anything to make u happy again! I really mean that."
her: "Just leave it now it wasnt meant to be."
me: "But I don't believe that, i still think that im the one for you. You know me, what would i ever do to u? I love you, I really do."
her: "I dont think you are. Im not the one for you give up on me . Im not the person you think i am anymore."
me: Ok. I guess this is the real end. I will never forget you. Never. I saw you with me forever i know u did too. Im gutted its turned out like this. You'll be in my heart forever, thats how i feel towards you."
her: "I dont know what to say apart from you will find someone else."
me: "I dont know what to say either."
her: "There is nothing you can say."
me: There's a lot of things I could say. I just wish you'd feel the way i feel about you. Like i said before, if we were meant to be then it wud happen. I wont deny the feelings i have for u tho. I can't do much else."

Help.
Has anyone ever been through something similar?


Well,
You did it because you wanted to know if there were any feelings left in her, because that question of "WHAT IF" has been taunting you for the whole time you didn't maintain contact. I think you just got the closure you needed and although it may hurt, you will look back on this and see the good in this.. If someone tells you they are not the same person, We should really listen to them... Let's say even if she was to get back with you because time has passed and you and her were not together the relationship would have never gone back to what it use to be! And sometimes we make things out far more better to be than what they actually are...


Don’t commit to anyone who is not giving you all you want DO NOT lower your standards.

The reality is she may not be the woman you want her to be, or NEED to be with... What you had with her was one of love's lessons..

If he/she wants you nothing can’t keep them away
If they don’t want you nothing can make them stay

I understand. Thanks. It feels better knowing someone else knows/understands what's happening here. She has really confused me, I really do feel scared of another relationship, not with her, but with anyone. Scared of just getting hurt again. I think it's really put me off.

Experiences of love and lost

Were settling is a matter of personal pride

Not one of financial cost

As tears run down his face

The taste of saline sprinkles his lips

He looks at his hand

His wrist

His palm

Most importantly his fingertips

The most delicate sensory part

Of his entire hand

The one that differentiates

Hot from Cold

Hard from Soft

In this essential component

Of the machine of man

He stares at his fingertips

An epiphany blinds his eyes

At that moment

He begins to realize

That his fingertips

Are like life's lows and highs

From the arrogance of the Middle Finger

Defiant, on top, confident

Brash and Bold

To the Index Finger

The median of his life

That is always in control

From the deceptive height

Of Ring Finger love

To the inadequacy of rejection

Resulting in the short

Awkward Pinky stub.

He realized he lived his life

Traveling on his fingertips

He would stay at one for a period

Then often forced to make a trip

Then he examined his life

Which previously appeared

To be in complete control

And began to wonder how he got to this point

To the feeling that he has lost his Soul

His Spirit

His Love

His Peace

His Sleep

Then he realized

That he

Is Thumb Deep.

He has reached his lowest point

With nowhere else to fall

And the way to reach the control

Of the Index

Is to curl is fingers into a ball

Into a fist

And fight for his happiness

With his everything

With his all.

Man listen I broke down onece and texted I didn't say as much but I said what I wanted to. Sometimes it take saying your feelings to move on. From what she said that's it, there's no chance and she doesn't even want to try. There isn't anything anymore you can do you did what you felt is right and that's what's most important to you. Now if you do anymore your only hurting yourself and pushing her further cause she probably feels guilty now or mad that your putting her in this position. Again I don't think what you did was wrong it will become wrong VERY wrong if you contact her again man... Don't do it feel good that you got some sort of closure.

I understand you man. Yeh I definitely broke down, first time since the actual break up where I broke down in front of her face. 3 weeks ago. Times are tough, I'm fine if I'm out with my friends or doing something which takes my mind off her, but it's the times when I'm watching TV on my own or at work day dreaming if you know what I mean. I wish it would just all go away, I hate relationships, why do they always end in hurt? I'm really put off with them now, I don't think I could handle another one like this.

I understand you man. Yeh i definately broke down, first time since the actual break up where i broke down infront of her face. 3 weeks ago. Times are tough, i'm fine if i'm out with my friends or doing something which takes my mind off her, but its the times when im watching tv on my own or at work day dreaming if you know what i mean. I wish it would just all go away, i hate relationships, why do they always end in hurt? I'm really put off with them now, i don't think i could handle another one like this.


I know that it hurts, but it is a part of growing and learning, so you can be more cautious the next time around.. It doesn't mean you have to live your life bitter because one relationship went sour. Of course you will think of her, and as time passes you will began to get better day and day.. I think you are missing her because you got use to being around her. This is what happens when you get in relationships and spend everyday together, not allowing space.. People can not do to us in which we allow them to do...
I made some rules for myself for the next relationship...

If someone wants you


If he/she wants you nothing can’t keep them away
If they don’t want you nothing can make them stay
The volume on your intuition is turned up don’t ignore it
Don’t make justification for their improper behavior
If they mistreated you why are you moping around as if they were the best thing in the universe? (Unless you like the abuse which I highly doubt)
Don’t try to change yourself in the liking of your mate.
Don’t try to make them happy if you are not happy.
If someone is mistreated you in your relationship and want to remain friends decline! Friends don’t mistreat friends.
Don’t stay with the hopes it will get better, you will only resent it in the long run, and dwindle in misery for letting time pass.
Don’t share friends, your partner friends should not be your friends.
Always be true speak your mind to your mate
You can’t change anyone’s behavior they have to change themselves
Don’t ever put your partner on a pedestal and make them more important than you are.
If they cheated with you they will cheat on you!
Don’t always be responsible for arguments even when you know they are wrong
Never look for someone to complete you, each person need to be THEIR own individual. Someone complimentary not supplementary.
There is nothing wrong with dating..
Don’t always be available to your partner; give each other space they will come around when they miss you.
Don’t commit to anyone who is not giving you all you want DO NOT lower your standards.
Don’t let anyone manipulate your mental state by telling you what you want to hear instead of showing you what you need to see.
Don’t neglect your hygiene and wonder why he/she don’t want to get intimate with you.
Don’t stalk, harass, pry into your partner’s personal life looking for signs you may find what you deserve.. Curiosity killed the cat!

Man listen I broke down onece and texted I didnt say as much but I said what I wanted to. Sometimes it take saying ur feelings to move on. From what she said thats it, theres no chance and she doesnt even want to try. There isnt anything anymore you can do you did what u felt is right and thats whats most important to you. Now if you do anymore your only hurting urself and pushing her further cause she probably feels guilty now or mad that your putting her in this position. Again I dont think what you did was wrong it will become wrong VERY wrong if you contact her again man.... Dont do it feel good that you got some sort of closure.

I've made a closure on it all I think. I'm not going to contact her. I've had my rant and rave haven't I? Nobody but her will know if it has pushed me further away from her. I just really hate these words though... "you will find someone else." and "im not the same person anymore, im not the one for you." When she called me I could tell by the sound and attitude of her voice that she was different, seemed to be really stressed out with everything. I hope time does the business.

I really wish I didn't have to keep messaging on this site, but such is life; the pain remains at present but the smile has now returned to my face, all be it mixed together with a tear or two at time.

I really wish i didn't have to keep messaging on this site, but such is life; the pain remains at present but the smile has now returned to my face, all be it mixed together with a tear or two at time.

You keep messaging here chris , that's what its all about , seems like you have your head screwed on right and you just have to let time take care of all this.

Yes I come here and feel better it helps man. And I feel you its totally normal I feel like you are telling my story were all human it works almost the same for all of us.

You keep messaging here chris , thats what its all about , seems like you have your head screwed on right and you just have to let time take care of all this.

Sometimes I feel like screwing it off. Lol.

Thanks anyway :)

Do not do that stay here talk that's what everyone is here for HELP!!
And it does help!

It does help me definite

I know mate don't worry, I'd never beat myself up over a girl, I never have and never will. Isn't worth it, is it? So let's enjoy single life and take each day as it comes, I'm determined to get through this, time will be my best friend.

Exactly now your talking!!

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w113/Hopeless_Romantic122/textmessage.gif

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w113/Hopeless_Romantic122/textmessage.gif


Cute GIF...


Im feeling a little down today.. little lonely for some reason... :(

cute GIF....


Im feeling a lil down 2day.. lil lonely for some reason... :(


Well if you ever up for chatting IM ME, later or something.. I don't mind...

cute GIF....


Im feeling a lil down 2day.. lil lonely for some reason... :(

http://i169.photobucket.com/albums/u236/msnoodle_2007/36.gif

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w113/Hopeless_Romantic122/textmessage.gif

Like it Jolie!

Like it Jolie!


I thought it was cute, Hope I got a smile out of you!

I thought it was cute,, Hope I got a smile out of ya!

You certainly did , smiling as we speak :-)
:)

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w113/Hopeless_Romantic122/textmessage.gif

Where did you get it from?

Where did you get it from?


If I tell you then I will have to kill you lol..


Si je vous this alors j'aurai à vous tuer.. lol

http://i155.photobucket.com/albums/s293/krayzaymonkay/breakup2.jpg


Just kidding I got it from photobucket.com

[QUOTE=jolienoire]If I tell you then I will have to kill you lol..

LOL :-) Thanks!

[QUOTE=jolienoire]If I tell ya then I will have to kill ya lol..

LOL :-) Thanks!


So how have you been since your breakup? Are you in a new relationship? Just curious I am bored.

so how have you been since your breakup? are you in a new relationship? Just curious I am bored.

I'm fine thanks , not in anything new at the moment though. Have you written a post on yours? Might have to come over there and have a chat rather than hijacking Chris's post here. Sorry Chris!

Yes that's right! Get your own room! Lol. Nah us lot have got a pretty good understanding going on at the minute. It's really helping me, you guys are great. As the old saying goes, "All for one and one for all!"

Please lets all talk it up...


Thank god yesterday is over.. Last night a old buddy told me he was at a club with my ex and witnessed her kissed a guy. OK so I no its over and its now 7 weeks but still it bothered me a lot . I wanted to call her and yell but then I was like how, why? Were not dating. So yes the nights over I feel better but it killed me for hours :(


I need to find a nice girl to hang with ughhhh

Your still not over her are you? Be honest, if she came running back today you would jump for joy at the fact and you'd have her back. I'll be honest, that's how I feel at the moment. The only difference is, my ex doesn't really have any close friends to go out on a night with or go to clubs, only the odd night out with uni folks. So I'm really confused in what she enjoys doing? I'm into week 4...

Chris, you hit it on the head I'm definitely not totally over her. I will tell you one thing she has a million friends gos clubbing every week 2 times a week and I do miss her. Im okie but I did get very upset that she's moving on . I think I need a date lol

A date for me would just feel like a rebound, it would for you too. It'd probably be over in a flash. It definitely is worth trying to meet new girls though. That's the hard part for me. My confidence is at zero.

After all this my confidence is very low also... plus I've been in relationships for like 12 years not str8t but maybee a year off here and there but for the most part so its going to be weird jumping back in. The newness is allways fun but its still weird.

after all this my confidence is very low also .... plus ive been in relationships for like 12 years not str8t but maybee a year off here and there but for the most part so its going to be weird jumpin back in. The newness is allways fun but its still weird.


Well being a woman I must say that the clubbing thing will get tired, she needs to be fulfilled but in the wrong way.. Seems to me she is crying out for attention... Don't be jealous because the guys you meet in a club or never the ones you want to establish a relationship with.. All this clubbing just says she is not happy.. Getting drunk and meeting strangers is her way of coping although she may have broke up with you she might get lonely but knows that she doesn't want to go back to you... because she thinks she is missing out on something, But one day when she is not partying and she actually sits and think with a clear mind she will think about what has happened... That's what I think when I got divorced I was the same way.. the only difference is that I didn't hook up with anyone I met.. But after the going out got bored I was ready to settle down and date again... I GOT IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM...

Chris, u hit it on the head im definatly not totally over her. I will tell u one thing she has a million friends gos clubbing every week 2 times a week and i do miss her. Im okie but I did get very upset that shes movin on . I think i need a date lol


Basically she is replacing the GAP
Replacing the time you normally spend with your ex doing something conducive to your happiness and fulfillment. The objective here is to regain a sense of purpose in something new.

Well being a woman I must say that the clubbing thing will get tired, she needs to be fulfilled but in the wrong way.. Seems to me she is crying out for attention... Don't be jealous because the guys you meet in a club or never the ones you want to establish a relationship with.. All this clubbing just says she is not happy.. Getting drunk and meeting strangers is her way of coping although she may have broke up with you she might get lonely but knows that she doesn't want to go back to you... because she thinks she is missing out on something, But one day when she is not partying and she actually sits and think with a clear mind she will think about what has happened... That's what I think when I got divorced I was the same way.. the only difference is that I didn't hook up with anyone I met.. But after the going out got bored I was ready to settle down and date again... I GOT IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM...


Yea your right I think that's were the bitterness will come in a bit for me if it happens sooner then later and I find out. I no I shouldn't be putting this much thought into it. But if she starts settling down with some after all this and stops the clubbing and all it would make me feel even worse like what was wrong with me. I rather not know anything about her or what she's doing. It makes it easier. I am going to hang with someone I met 2morow but I really don't know what I want if anything at all I guess I'm just totally confused... Im looking for the companionship I had but I don't want to put work into it cause I'm not into anything serious yet, and of course I don't want a rebound so what's the answer if I'm not ready to day but want that feeling?

Yea ur right I think that's were the bitterness will come in a bit for me if it happens sooner then later and I find out. I no I shouldnt be putting this much thought into it. But if she starts settling down with some after all this and stops the clubbing and all it would make me feel even worse like what was wrong with me. I rather not know anything about her or what shes doing. It makes it easier. I am going to hang with someone I met 2morow but I really dont know what I want if anything at all I guess im just totally confused......Im looking for the companionship I had but I dont wanna put work into it cause im not into anything serious yet, and of course I dont want a rebound so whats the answer if im nto ready to day but want that feeling??



The best advice I can give for that situation is don't contemplate on "will you ever love again" But focus on the NOW. Let things happen naturally, don't say "I Can't because my heart was broken" Just let things flow but take your time. If the bond is there don't ruin it, but don't look so hard... Just whatever you get into establish and let the person now From the start about your feelings.. If she is understanding she will be willing to accept, and will take things slow.. Don't feel pressured into jumping into something if you meet a women who wants a relationship from the start... At least, if you tell her upfront this will save you and her a lot of heartache... Let it go and let it flow..

I hate to say this but even if your EX was to run back with open arms you may not even want her especially knowing she was kissing other guys and Who knows what else... You will feel foolished that you waisted time waiting, and missed out on what is happening in life now.. Even if she runs back you realize it would never be the same... You will resent her for making you go through such a horrible stage of waiting and wishing..

How would you react Jolie or anyone else if your ex told you that they finished the relationship because they weren't happy over the last week or so. I found it really harsh and unfair that my ex couldn't sit down and talk to me about it. Is this a girl thing? She said she was scared too say anything, she asked me to give me some space (on a friday) but I was so confused and the next day (saturday) I rang asking what's happened and she just come out with I don't want to be in a relationship anymore.

Does time really work?

Sorry for going on about what happened with me in Chris's thread, but it just feels like we are in a similar position, with how we feel and what we are dealing with. Oh and we're both called chris!! Must be a curse!

How would you react Jolie or anyone else if your ex told you that they finished the relationship because they wern't happy over the last week or so. I found it really harsh and unfair that my ex couldnt sit down and talk to me about it. Is this a girl thing? She said she was scared too say anything, she asked me to give me some space (on a friday) but i was so confused and the next day (saturday) i rang asking whats happened and she just come out with i don't want to be in a relationship anymore.

Does time really work?

Sorry for going on about what happened with me in Chris's thread, but it just feels like we are in a similar position, with how we feel and what we are dealing with. Oh and we're both called chris!!! must be a curse!


I don't know maybe that's GIRL THING I am a WOMAN I communicate I would have said something to you about it, and see if you changed and try to make it work Then if it was not repairable then maybe I would have requested space.. It is unfair that she couldn't sit down and talk to you at the first time she was unhappy. But to be honest this just don't happen over a few weeks, you just don't say today I don't love you anymore.. Maybe it was dying out over some time.. I don't wake up and say you know yesterday I had a bad relationship and today I WILL BREAK UP.. You may have seen prewarning signs. And your intuition volume may have been turned up prior to this break up but you ignored them.. Of course we ignore them because we think People really love us and we take the relationship for granted and sometimes just brush it off.. But then when we here those words "I need my space" we freak out... I think this is the best thing that could have happened to you.. You will come out so STRONG, trust me.. Because you were true to her and yourself, and you were willing to do any and everything to repair your relationship.. You can only be the BEST person you can Be and if you are giving your all and she is giving nothing HOW CAN THIS WORK? It can't.. there needs to be some balance.. I have some tips from this site maybe this will help you.. COPE

1. Take her off that pedestal
Don't idolize her and build her up into something great. She is nothing of the sort. So don't gaze lovingly at pictures of her. Don't jump to answer her e-mail or phone calls. And definitely don't go out of your way for her. She no longer deserves preferential treatment.

2. Get closure...
It's essential to definitively end any hopes of reconciliation between the two of you. And if you can't get that into your head, she owes you the courtesy of making it crystal clear. She should tell you: 'I never loved you. I don't love you now. We'll never get back together.' After some prodding, she'll probably do it, just to get rid of you. It provides what therapists call 'closure.' And you can begin to heal.

3.. . then don't contact her
After the relationship reaches finality, you have to break off contact or you will go mad. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial. Don't write her e-mail. Don't send packages or CDs. Don't dedicate a song to her on the radio. Geddit? She will find you if she wants to. And even if you can talk your way back into her arms, it's only a temporary reprieve. She already knows you want her back, and she doesn't care. Take that as a sign.

4. Get negative feelings out on paper
Write her a letter pouring out your negative and weepy feelings, then disassociate them from yourself. Throw the letter away or burn it. But definitely don't send it to her. You will only regret it. She will show her friends and her new boyfriend. And they will all share a good laugh.

5. Avoid her friends and any places she goes to
Don't venture into her territory. You won't be welcome. Find new places to hang out for the first few months and make new friends, if necessary. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with her, you may have to shut them out, too - at least temporarily. After some time has passed, you should go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with your mutual friends.

6. Throw away anything that reminds you of her
You don't have to burn it all, but definitely get pictures, gifts, clothing, letters, and e-mail out of your living area, or at least out of your line of vision. If that means giving away roughly half of your wardrobe to get rid of the memory of her, so be it. As a rule of thumb, if the object makes you think of her, discard it. This can also save your sanity.

7. Don't try to get your stuff back
Unless it's a diamond ring or something that's one-of-a-kind, you're better off not contacting her to get it back. DVDs, clothes, your extra toothbrush... just let 'em go. They're only possessions. Is it really worth the pain of being in her presence just to reclaim a pair of boxer shorts? Don't exchange your dignity for menial belongings.

8. Spend time with your friends
Let your pals give you a wake up call on how your ex wasn't that perfect to begin with, and that there are more fish in the sea. A little male camaraderie can go a long way towards getting your head straight. We've all been detonated by a woman before and most of us will li9. Exercise your newfound freedom
Freedom is always intoxicating. There's a world of activities you can partake in that you were never able to enjoy because your 'other half' didn't approve. So indulge. Travel. Build a model ship. Go hiking. Play video games on your computer. Watch TV all weekend. Do anything you want. Why not start boxing? Ideally, you want to find an activity that allows you to release your anger and alleviate stress.

10. Remember the bad times
If you feel nostalgic, then think of all the times she was a cow to you. That should do it. Remember the time she made you wait by the dressing room as she endlessly tried on clothing? Or the time she reminded you not too drink too much in front of your mates? Nobody wants that back.



11 tips for getting over your ex: iVillage (http://www.ivillage.co.uk/relationships/understanding/thinking/articles/0,,694165_698944-2,00.html)

Thank you so much. That gives me everything I need to know, and everything I could wish to read when the time gets tough. I sound so stupid now don't I.

She has said everything apart from 'I don't love you anymore' But I will definitely not get my hopes up.

Thank you so much. That gives me everything i need to know, and everything i could wish to read when the time gets tough. I sound so stupid now don't I.

She has said everything apart from 'I don't love you anymore' But I will definately not get my hopes up.


DOn't because She can still love you but obviously she is NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU... there is a big difference.. And for some reason people associate the two... You ever loved someone, but couldn't stand to be around them? EX: a friend, relative,. You love them in the sense that you don't want anything bad to happen to them but don't want to be with or around them... well you have to look at it that way... It hurts.. but you know what.. You did everything right... Some people can't appreciate that, or just can't grasp...

I wouldn't worry one bit, I have been talking to you back and forth, and from what I gather from our conversations you are a great guy and once you start to feel and believe that Then you MY MAN HAVE BEEN TRANSFORMED,

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.” You already mastered this relationship, by allowing her to fall in love with you.. . Now it's time for you to grow..

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't know maybe that's GIRL THING I am a WOMAN I communicate I would have said something to you about it, and see if you changed and try to make it work Then if it was not repairable then maybe I would have requested space.. It is unfair that she couldn't sit down and talk to you at the first time she was unhappy. But to be honest this just don't happen over a few weeks, you just don't say today I don't love you anymore.. Maybe it was dying out over some time.. I don't wake up and say you know yesterday I had a bad relationship and today I WILL BREAK UP.. You may have seen prewarning signs. And your intuition volume may have been turned up prior to this break up but you ignored them.. Of course we ignore them because we think People really love us and we take the relationship for granted and sometimes just brush it off.. But then when we here those words "I need my space" we freak out... I think this is the best thing that could have happened to you.. You will come out so STRONG, trust me.. Because you were true to her and yourself, and you were willing to do any and everything to repair your relationship.. You can only be the BEST person you can Be and if you are giving your all and she is giving nothing HOW CAN THIS WORK? It can't.. there needs to be some balance.. I have some tips from this site maybe this will help you.. COPE

1. Take her off that pedestal
Don't idolize her and build her up into something great. She is nothing of the sort. So don't gaze lovingly at pictures of her. Don't jump to answer her e-mail or phone calls. And definitely don't go out of your way for her. She no longer deserves preferential treatment.

2. Get closure...
It's essential to definitively end any hopes of reconciliation between the two of you. And if you can't get that into your head, she owes you the courtesy of making it crystal clear. She should tell you: 'I never loved you. I don't love you now. We'll never get back together.' After some prodding, she'll probably do it, just to get rid of you. It provides what therapists call 'closure.' And you can begin to heal.

3. ...then don't contact her
After the relationship reaches finality, you have to break off contact or you will go mad. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial. Don't write her e-mail. Don't send packages or CDs. Don't dedicate a song to her on the radio. Geddit? She will find you if she wants to. And even if you can talk your way back into her arms, it's only a temporary reprieve. She already knows you want her back, and she doesn't care. Take that as a sign.

4. Get negative feelings out on paper
Write her a letter pouring out your negative and weepy feelings, then disassociate them from yourself. Throw the letter away or burn it. But definitely don't send it to her. You will only regret it. She will show her friends and her new boyfriend. And they will all share a good laugh.

5. Avoid her friends and any places she goes to
Don't venture into her territory. You won't be welcome. Find new places to hang out for the first few months and make new friends, if necessary. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with her, you may have to shut them out, too - at least temporarily. After some time has passed, you should go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with your mutual friends.

6. Throw away anything that reminds you of her
You don't have to burn it all, but definitely get pictures, gifts, clothing, letters, and e-mail out of your living area, or at least out of your line of vision. If that means giving away roughly half of your wardrobe to get rid of the memory of her, so be it. As a rule of thumb, if the object makes you think of her, discard it. This can also save your sanity.

7. Don't try to get your stuff back
Unless it's a diamond ring or something that's one-of-a-kind, you're better off not contacting her to get it back. DVDs, clothes, your extra toothbrush... just let 'em go. They're only possessions. Is it really worth the pain of being in her presence just to reclaim a pair of boxer shorts? Don't exchange your dignity for menial belongings.

8. Spend time with your friends
Let your pals give you a wake up call on how your ex wasn't that perfect to begin with, and that there are more fish in the sea. A little male camaraderie can go a long way towards getting your head straight. We've all been detonated by a woman before and most of us will li9. Exercise your newfound freedom
Freedom is always intoxicating. There's a world of activities you can partake in that you were never able to enjoy because your 'other half' didn't approve. So indulge. Travel. Build a model ship. Go hiking. Play video games on your computer. Watch TV all weekend. Do anything you want. Why not start boxing? Ideally, you want to find an activity that allows you to release your anger and alleviate stress.

10. Remember the bad times
If you feel nostalgic, then think of all the times she was a cow to you. That should do it. Remember the time she made you wait by the dressing room as she endlessly tried on clothing? Or the time she reminded you not too drink too much in front of your mates? Nobody wants that back.



11 tips for getting over your ex: iVillage (http://www.ivillage.co.uk/relationships/understanding/thinking/articles/0,,694165_698944-2,00.html)


Question me aqnd my ex have now a lot of mutual friends they were her friends first so I'm sure the loyalty is with her. But I still talk to them and hang out with them. From time to time I ask how she is doing and all and how she is acting is this bad?? Does this give her the upper hand?

Question me aqnd my ex have now alot of mutual friends they were her friends first so im sure the loyalty is with her. But I still talk to them and hang out with them. From time to time I ask how she is doing and all and how she is acting is this bad????? Does this give her the upper hand?


There is a BIG problem! Because a lot of time with mutual friends don't like to choose sides, so every time you ask about her they can tell her, and vic versa, get some new friends... ONE VERY IMPORTANT RULE IN DATING,. PARTNERS SHOULD HAVE THEIR OWN SETS OF FRIENDS.. Don't ask about her, don't hang out with them they can be telling her things about you.. so she knows how you are doing, therefore there is no need for her to worry about you.. You're still an emotional mess.. Leaving her with control.. She can also be telling them to tell you things... Definitely a problem

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.” You already mastered this relationship, by allowing her to fall in love with you.. . Now it's time for you to grow..

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
__________________

Question me aqnd my ex have now alot of mutual friends they were her friends first so im sure the loyalty is with her. But I still talk to them and hang out with them. From time to time I ask how she is doing and all and how she is acting is this bad????? Does this give her the upper hand?

Yeah the more you ask or talk about her, it doesn't matter what is said, the longer it is going to take to heal your pain!

Thank you so much. That gives me everything i need to know, and everything i could wish to read when the time gets tough. I sound so stupid now don't I.

She has said everything apart from 'I don't love you anymore' But I will definately not get my hopes up.


“Take a second out to think about this: in your life you search and search for the right person for you. Every time you break up with someone you get one step closer to that person. You should look at moving on as getting closer to meeting the one.”

Ian Philpot

“Take a second out to think about this: in your life you search and search for the right person for you. Every time you break up with someone you get one step closer to that person. You should look at moving on as getting closer to meeting the one.”

Ian Philpot


If you don't mind me asking how many years of experience do u have? And where you from??

If you dont mind me asking how many years of experience do u have?? and where you from???



I am from New Jersey.. and lets say about 10 years..

Jolie
I was going to give you a greenie for all the great advise you have given the 2 Chris's but I have to spread the rep first.

Guys , eveything Jolie has been saying is so true and you should really take note. I was going to give my own 2 bobs worth when I logged on this morning but she has said it all. Real good stuff!!

Jolie
I was going to give you a greenie for all the great advise you have given the 2 Chris's but I have to spread the rep first.

Guys , eveything Jolie has been saying is so true and you should really take note. I was going to give my own 2 bobs worth when I logged on this morning but she has said it all. Real good stuff!!!


Aww thanks... I hope they are listening this is coming from a woman... Take heed.. or don't but just thought I would put my two cents in.:p

Aww thanks... I hope they are listening this is coming from a woman... Take heed.. or don't but just thought I would put my two cents in.:p

I'm sure the are... right guys? I wonder if they've seen your picture in "member discussions" "Pictures of our members"

Take a look guys , Jolie is a stunning looking woman :-)

I'm sure the are........right guys? I wonder if they've seen your picture in "member discussions" "Pictures of our members"

Take a look guys , Jolie is a stunning looking woman :-)



Ha ha thanks

<a href="http://photobucket.http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o10/ecarswell/IMG_65781.jpg

I liked the other one too :-) can you show the guys that?

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o10/ecarswell/lay.jpg

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o10/ecarswell/13_9a67faae2ca59bf2daac38d96139d-1.jpg

I'm sure the are........right guys? I wonder if they've seen your picture in "member discussions" "Pictures of our members"

Take a look guys , Jolie is a stunning looking woman :-)

She is 100% correct, couldn't ask for anything more. She's been like a mother to me!

Ha ha thanks

<a href="http://photobucket.http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o10/ecarswell/IMG_65781.jpg


Dam you are stunning lol.

I definitely plan on taking the advice seriously I'm 28 and I'm tired of games and not getting what I want from a relationship. Thanks for all the advice keep it coming. Hot PICS.

I haven't seen anyone like that in brooklyn lately, lol :)

Thanks!!

Dam you are stunning lol.

I definatly plan on taking the advice seriously im 28 and im tired of games and not getting what i want from a relationship. Thanks for all the advice keep it comming. Hot PICS.

I havnt seen anyone like that in brooklyn lately, lol :)

Thanks!!!!!!!!


Thank you neighbor! Didn't know you were in Brooklyn!

No thank you for all the positive re-inforcement... Yup I'm in brooklyn bensonhurst...
Lived there all my life my brother lives in Matawan...

Wait let me get this straight?? Some broke up with u?? Lol are they blind?

“Beauty is all about us, but how many are blind! They look at the wonder of this earth and seem to see nothing. People move hectically but give little thought to where they are going. They seek excitement... as if they were lost and desperate.”

“Beauty is all about us, but how many are blind! They look at the wonder of this earth and seem to see nothing. People move hectically but give little thought to where they are going. They seek excitement ... as if they were lost and desperate.”

Funnily enough that sound's just like my ex girlfriend.

Funnily enough that sound's just like my ex girlfriend.


Lol, it probably sounds like everyone's EX... you know just to set the record straight, because some people on this site may think I am bitter, when it comes to relationship.. there are times when I do advise of someone to try to get their ex back but that is on rare circumstances, but what people don't understand is that an EX may come back into our lives, I redated my high school sweetheart 10 years after the fact, and we got back together last year and just broke up again.. SO there are chances that people do get back together, but we did it when we were both adults, and now look again we are broken up again.. Can I meet him and be with him 10 years from now again.. Yes it is a possibility but the only reason he came back to me was because I gave him the space he needed, I was hurt and got over it.. And now when we broke up again it doesn't hurt that bad.. Just happy that I got to love him all over again.. SO yes there are chances that people get back together but there is no time limit or any rules of when.. We just have to let them grow, and we need to grow.. And hey you never know it can be AGAIN.. Just don't do anything to ever ruin that chance by making quick decisions..

“Beauty is all about us, but how many are blind! They look at the wonder of this earth and seem to see nothing. People move hectically but give little thought to where they are going. They seek excitement ... as if they were lost and desperate.”

Wow sounds deep... but it makes a lot of sense!

lol, it probably sounds like everyone's EX...you know just to set the record straight, because some people on this site may think I am bitter, when it comes to relationship.. there are times when I do advise of someone to try to get their ex back but that is on rare circumstances, but what ppl don't understand is that an EX may come back into our lives, I redated my highschool sweetheart 10 years after the fact, and we got back together last year and just broke up again.. SO there are chances that people do get back together, but we did it when we were both adults, and now look again we are broken up again.. Can I meet him and be with him 10 years from now again.. Yes it is a possibilty but the only reason he came back to me was because I gave him the space he needed, I was hurt and got over it.. And now when we broke up again it doesn't hurt that bad.. Just happy that I got to love him all over again.. SO yes there are chances that people get back together but there is no time limit or any rules of when.. We just have to let them grow, and we need to grow.. And hey you never know it can be AGAIN.. Just don't do anything to ever ruin that chance by making quick decisions..

I was with a girl, it must have been 3 years ago. And we split up during these 3 years she must have had two or three boyfriends. We then started talking again but I was with my girlfriend at the time (currently my ex) And you will never guess what my old girlfriend said to me would you? She wanted me back as she had never loved anyone in the way she loved me, unfortunately for her I was with a new girlfriend at the time, but I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe the girl I took TWO YEARS to get over would be saying these things after a few years growing apart and then coming back to me with it all. You could imagine the situation I was in, I mean I was really hurt when she finished me but I couldn't hurt my current girlfriend at the time so I had to say no to her. I just couldn't leave my girlfriend just like that. This experience will be really vital for me, I hope I'm right? And I hope it gives other people here some positive thoughts if they are going through the same thing as me. TIME did make a difference. I would never of thought after 3 years I'd have the girl I once loved with all my heart coming up to me and telling me how she has never felt love the way she felt it with me. Unfortuantely there was nothing I could do at the time. So remember that anything in this world can happen!

I can see that happening to me years from now. My ex calling and possible trying again personaly among out difference I think she wants to try to live life without me and try new people. I tell you the truth I think she will call me some day I'm not sure were I will be in my life But I think she's looking for the fairy tale someone to sweep her off her feet buy her everything and she will never have to work. Go to all famous places blah blah blah but who knows. Im not putting my life on hold but I do hope one day she is in my life as friends or who knows .

Should make a challenge for the weekend Chris not to once feel down over the ex. The challenge starts tonight!

Lol sounds like a plan chris lets see what happens!!

Yeah let us know how things go. Hopefully no more drunken sad texts from me this weekend, think I've learnt my lesson!

Hey So weekends over and I was kept buisy all weekend. Really only time I would think of my ex was in the morning or when I was going to sleep. Usually I wake up in the middle of the night and I will wonder a bit about what she's doing and then that over. Over all I had a nice weekend I will admit that. I just need to stop wondering if she cares anymore that seems to be the only thing bothering me. Sometimes I wonder were I went wrong or what is she thinking now but I do not have a clue and need to stop wondering... Wonder when I will stop thinking of her .and what she's doing

We aren't going to have any idea what our ex's are thinking, it's like a computer game, we don't know what the next level is going to be like or about, even though we'd love to find out. I'm actually trying to not think about what my ex is thinking because it could make me feel worse if I push it out of her and hear the worse and that would mean I've pushed her away for good if you know what I mean. Saturday night none of my friends went out so I was just lying on my bed watching TV n talking to my mates on my laptop via MSN. My ex was online for a good 4 - 5 hours but we didn't once say hi to each other. It's like there's tension between us. She's also taken me off her top friends on her Myspace, so I think that just sums it up at the mo. She's being a right b*tch, and I just don't need that. Each day is going by and I can't wait for the day I meet someone new and get my ex out of my head, at the minute though I don't think I'm really ready for another relationship, you can't just rush into a new one just like that can you? Unless they are really special. Know what I mean?

We arn't going to have any idea what our ex's are thinking, it's like a computer game, we don't know what the next level is going to be like or about, even tho we'd love to find out. I'm actually trying to not think about what my ex is thinking because it could make me feel worse if I push it out of her and hear the worse and that would mean i've pushed her away for good if you know what i mean. Saturday night none of my friends went out so i was just lieing on my bed watching TV n talkin to my mates on my laptop via MSN. My ex was online for a good 4 - 5 hours but we didnt once say hi to each other. It's like there's tension between us. She's also taken me off her top friends on her Myspace, so I think that just sums it up at the mo. She's being a right b*tch, and I just don't need that. Each day is going by and i can't wait for the day i meet someone new and get my ex out of my head, at the minute tho i don't think i'm really ready for another relationship, you can't just rush into a new one just like that can you? Unless they are really special. Know what i mean?



Yea I kind off agree with you about not rushing into a relationship but at the same time I no it would keep my mind off things. Also the myspace thing I hate myspace. Cause after we broke up I took our pics of us 2gethor down and she did the same thing the next day... Also I changed mine to single I did keep her as my number 1 friend. I check hers everyday to see if she changed it yet and no it has in a relationship and I'm still her number 1. But to be honest is all that did was kind of give me a little sense of false hope. I still go on it every so often but now I just think she probably forgot it even says that. I still will admit it I check it every coupld of days... I think I'm just a little down and out today...

Chris28
You've said yourself that when you check her Myspace it makes you feel worse , so DON'T check it. You guys are doing well , keep it up!

Chris28
You've said yourself that when you check her Myspace it makes you feel worse , so DON'T check it. You guys are doing well , keep it up!!


Your right I checked it again this mssg made me wonder and think

"
Michelleee!! will i be seeing u wed nite at mi casa??? i promise ill protect u from a certain someone lol "

I have to stop checking it now I'm like OK that means she's talking about a guy ughhhh I'm a loser!

Mate
It doesn't matter what she's doing and you need to stop thinking about it , it is out of your control so don't think about it. All that does is make you feel worse , don't let someone who has f**ked with your feelings also control how you feel. And NO you are not a loser!

Mate
It doesn't matter what she's doing and you need to stop thinking about it , it is out of your control so don't think about it. All that does is make you feel worse , don't let someone who has f**ked with your feelings also control how you feel. And NO you are not a loser!


Thanks your right!

Its one thing to say you aren't going to check their facebook/myspace etc, but it's a whole other thing to actually find the will power to not do it. Trust me though, from the moment you stop, it gets easier after a few days. Every time you think about it, stop yourself and make yourself realize that NOTHING good can come from it, and you will only be causing yourself pain.

Its one thing to say you arent going to check their facebook/myspace etc, but its a whole other thing to actually find the will power to not do it. Trust me though, from the moment you stop, it gets easier after a few days. Every time you think about it, stop yourself and make yourself realize that NOTHING good can come from it, and you will only be causing yourself pain.

Exactly... like everything else in a breakup , time is the great healer!!

Its one thing to say you arent going to check their facebook/myspace etc, but its a whole other thing to actually find the will power to not do it. Trust me though, from the moment you stop, it gets easier after a few days. Every time you think about it, stop yourself and make yourself realize that NOTHING good can come from it, and you will only be causing yourself pain.

Isn't this the truth... Its always easier to say something then do it.

Isnt this the truth.............. Its always easier to say something then do it.

I checked it once, and it created so much emotion in me, I never went back to check. It stirred up so many emotions within me, I did not know how to contain them. It was one of the most hurtful parts of the breakup. It won't do you any good. Go on and live your life, and try not to look back.

Things like Myspace and Facebook are a right pain in the a$$, when it comes after a break up. I finally had the balls last night to take her off my top friends, she was number 1 my ex was. She had taken me off hers, so I just thought you know what, f**k this, it's her loss, why should I continue wondering what new comments or pics she has on her pages? Fair enough she did get a flirty type comment off some other guy for everyone to see but she deleted it, I was pretty surprised she did that too. She knows I look at her page, or at least she still thinks that.

It's time to start the NC on the most pettyist / useless site on the web, Myspace. For whoever is going through the same thing as me.

Things like Myspace and Facebook are a right pain in the a$$, when it comes after a break up. I finally had the balls last night to take her off my top friends, she was number 1 my ex was. She had taken me off hers, so i just thought you know what, f**k this, it's her loss, why should I continue wondering what new comments or pics she has on her pages? Fair enough she did get a flirty type comment off some other guy for everyone to see but she deleted it, I was pretty surprised she did that too. she knows i look at her page, or at least she still thinks that.

It's time to start the NC on the most pettyist / useless site on the web, Myspace. For whoever is going through the same thing as me.


Yup and it got worse last nigth she's sends her friends a mssg singing the jayz song 99 problems and a isn't one. And she changed the lyrics 99 s and I'm looking for the right one... God lol I'm started to hate her hehehe