I have become extremely attached to my friend. I had a crush on this guy and my friend went to great lengths to help me find ways to spend more time with my crush. When things didn't work out between me and my crush, my friend was always there for me to be my emotional support. My friend is truly a person with a very big heart for his friends.

I guess over time, I fell for my friend. However, it seems as though once I got over my crush, my friend instantly withdrew his complete attention on me. I was shocked and felt that our friendship does not feel as strong as I previously thought. I miss how he was always there for me.

- I want to spend all my time with him and share all his happy times, even when he's with our friends, and be there for him when he is angry.
- I want to tell him everything about myself, and I want him to do the same. But oftentimes, I find that he tells other people a lot more than he tells me and I feel hurt.
- I have a constant need to talk to him even though I see him everyday at work (yes, we work together) (thank goodness he has Googletalk on his Blackberry cell phone so we could talk 24/7).

I know he needs his alone time too, but I feel so empty whenever he is not around, his Blackberry is off, and I don't know what he's doing. I feel extremely frustrated when he refuses to tell me what he's been doing. He usually gives in and tells me when he sees that I get frustrated/emotional. Even though I know he has a right not to tell me, it hurts when other people know but I don't. I guess I'm afraid that he's spending time with his close friend (obviously a girl) even though I know he has a right to spend time with anyone, especially since I'm not his girlfriend. However, I do not plan on telling him that I like him because I don't want to risk our friendship. As a result of my conflicted actions, these feelings of emptiness/loneliness whenever he is not around and frustration/emotional when he won't tell me what he's been up to or going to do, are becoming unbearable.

I know the best solution probably is to stop centering my life around him by making myself so available for him "just in case he is free" so I could spend time with him, and spend more time with my own friends instead. However, when I am with my own friends, I constantly worry that he's spending time with that other girl. Over time, I spend less and less time with my own friends, preferring to wait around at home for him, just so I won't miss my chance to hang out with him.

I know all the clichés...
- If it's meant to be, it will happen no matter what.
- If it's meant to be, let it go and it will come back.
- You can't force love.
- Make him miss you.
- Love finds you when you least expect it.

Even though I know all these things, it's still easier said than done. I can't help but feel a great sense of emptiness/loneliness when he is not around and I do not know what he is doing and feel so frustrated and emotional when he's not telling me everything. And I'm afraid of making him miss me, in case it backfires and we drift apart instead. But I guess if it's meant to be...

PS: No, I do not have thoughts of injuring myself or committing suicide -- I just feel extremely empty and frustrated/emotional and have an extremely difficult time concentrating because my mind is racing at 1000 miles/hr thinking about him and missing him.

Is what I'm feeling normal? Are there ways to have more open communication, so that I do not resort to being frustrated/emotional?

I think he was just being friendly and helpful, and along the way like you said you got attached and over interpreted things and got too involved with him.. I am not sure but this resembles a lot what happens between a patient and a psychologist I think it's called something like transference or something.
Anyway like I said he might just be trying to be nice to you by helping you out and he never considered you more than just a friend. And you opened up your heart to him not him to u , so you have to accept his right of privacy.
Sounds like you are obsessed with him, and the only way to get rid of that (since he doesn't seem to be responding much to you like you want him to) is to find a new obsession really.
Just like when you have to stop smoking they tell you to start doing something else instead like chewing gum or whatever. So u just have to find someone or something else to fill that emptiness of yours, maybe even new interests and activities.. anything you can think of really, to break that cycle you feel trapped in. Once "the system" is broken, you will be much more capable of doing things your way without feeling tied down by feelings you cannot control.
. It's also probably just a phase that will shortly end, just hang in a bit longer and things will get better hopefully.

Hi enlighten_me,

Yes it does sound like your needy,and maybe a little obsessed,so what?

Don't dampen yourself over a friendship that won't go any further.

If you can share the feelings and good times with this person,just think of how well you could share yourself with someone with whom would share your feelings! Where were you receiving any return on investment with this friend?

I see by your writing that you have the health for a committed friendship,is a relationship with someone who reciprocates your feelings beyond your needs?Is that something you are truly looking for?Or just this person only?

If I were you(opinion only)I would look beyond him and begin the next phase of you destiny,find that special someone for you,you sound VERY in tune with your needs/wants,Go out there and enjoy living instead of being stuck in this situation.

Best regards,

Ken