Nickita1986
Oct 22, 2007, 12:07 PM
Please help me,
I am 21 years old and pregnant with my first child. I am still with the father who I have been with for 5 years. Initially I was very excited about having this baby, I'm already in love with it now, and would die for it. However I am very frightened now because I think I am going to be a horrible mother. Before I was pregnant I hated myself anyway because I seem to always hurt people I love, like my boyfriend. I always upset him. I also feel like a failure because my mother always had high hopes for me to have my name in lights as did I. But now I have gone and got myself pregnant at 21 and have done nothing with my life, so she will never be proud of me, and that makes me sick thinking about it. Before I was pregnant I used to cut myself if I had hurt someone to punish myself, so maybe I should be in some sort of loony bin, maybe that's the best place for me, Now I am pregnant I do not cut myself anymore, but I do get extremely angry very quickly and I can't control my anger, I cry a lot too. I can't find a job, after applying for over 15 this month, and I can't get out of bed in the morning. I sometimes sleep till 1 in the afternoon! The other day I threw a glass at my sister, then afterwards I couldn't believe what I had done. I think I have a multiple personality. I get very scared of myself after I do something like that. I am worried I will ruin my child's life. I don't want it to be frightened of me, and I don't want it to have a horrible human being as a mother, its not fair.
If someone could help me in the respect of options. I don't know whether I should just have my boyfriend raise the baby and for him to find a nice girl who would treat my child right. But then again if he made all the decisions I wouldn't be happy with my baby seeing his dad because he abused me when I was 14, yet my boyfriend still see's him, his mother is a dangerous alcoholic too which would scare me! Or should I have it adopted into a nice loving family. I just feel it would be cruel for me to have a child when I am such a bad person. I have tried anger management and counseling. They did work but I think I am as good as I could ever be, and that is not good enough for me baby. All I want is for my child to be in the best environment possible.
I am 21 years old and pregnant with my first child. I am still with the father who I have been with for 5 years. Initially I was very excited about having this baby, I'm already in love with it now, and would die for it. However I am very frightened now because I think I am going to be a horrible mother. Before I was pregnant I hated myself anyway because I seem to always hurt people I love, like my boyfriend. I always upset him. I also feel like a failure because my mother always had high hopes for me to have my name in lights as did I. But now I have gone and got myself pregnant at 21 and have done nothing with my life, so she will never be proud of me, and that makes me sick thinking about it. Before I was pregnant I used to cut myself if I had hurt someone to punish myself, so maybe I should be in some sort of loony bin, maybe that's the best place for me, Now I am pregnant I do not cut myself anymore, but I do get extremely angry very quickly and I can't control my anger, I cry a lot too. I can't find a job, after applying for over 15 this month, and I can't get out of bed in the morning. I sometimes sleep till 1 in the afternoon! The other day I threw a glass at my sister, then afterwards I couldn't believe what I had done. I think I have a multiple personality. I get very scared of myself after I do something like that. I am worried I will ruin my child's life. I don't want it to be frightened of me, and I don't want it to have a horrible human being as a mother, its not fair.
If someone could help me in the respect of options. I don't know whether I should just have my boyfriend raise the baby and for him to find a nice girl who would treat my child right. But then again if he made all the decisions I wouldn't be happy with my baby seeing his dad because he abused me when I was 14, yet my boyfriend still see's him, his mother is a dangerous alcoholic too which would scare me! Or should I have it adopted into a nice loving family. I just feel it would be cruel for me to have a child when I am such a bad person. I have tried anger management and counseling. They did work but I think I am as good as I could ever be, and that is not good enough for me baby. All I want is for my child to be in the best environment possible.